Once bitten twice shy they say. With the supposed demise of romance, more people are shying away from love.
When someone dumps you for someone else - especially after having gone extra miles for them - it wont be easy to gamble with your heart and feelings again. Some people go into depression that makes them lose their friends or their jobs. Some end up loathing members of the opposite sex and taking their anger and frustrations out on them. Some take a break from love and focus on other things.
The fear of having to go through the same heartache, the fear of having your now-delicate heart broken again makes people build those emotional walls. However, not all people who suffer from heartbreak react this way. Some bounce back like nothing happened.
What makes people be afraid to love again? When someone you thought cared about you rejects you, most people go into self pity. They start doubting whether they are even good enough to be loved. But is this even healthy?
People break up for various reasons and I don’t think there is a reason like not good enough for love. Cry if you have to. Get a hobby to take your mind off things. Socialize but not specialize; you need that break to figure things out. Accept that change is inevitable. But NEVER EVER give up on love.
“You just have to gamble if you ever hope to hit the jackpot! There are no two ways about it,” says one chick, Peninah. Her story is; her boyfriend hurt her so much it took her 4 years to heal. And she decided to live by the motto: one man’s meat is another man’s poison. She found love and is now happily married to a man who adores her and their daughter.
When you decide to give love a second chance, it may not be easy coz most people usually have issues of trust. But when you realize that the person you want to be with now isn’t the person who broke your heart, and stop lumping people together, you will be off to a good start.
No matter how devastating a break up was, don’t let a great chance pass you by, by refusing to open yourself to love. Don’t settle for too little when you deserve too much. Get out there…love again! But remember, you must heal first in order to love again.
Are you willing to find love the second time?
Tags: black dating site, black women black men, black women white men
Popularity: 21% [?]
Comment by meron on 2 October 2008:
third, fourth and fifth… Duhhhh Yeah! Or, I would not be on this site. We are all looking for Love, be it a pen pal, relationship, friendship, etc.
After a third time, years ago, I grew enough to see beyond the short term heartache towards a possible long term heartstimulant.
No one wants to be lonely or feel insecure. Having that special person to share a mental and physical partnership is the greatest! I almost had it once. I know what it feels like now. And, most of all, I want it again. Guess you could say “I’m addicted to Love” (focus there, focus)
As far as passing my time in the “meantime”; everyone should have an outlet for our stress, loneliness and downfalls. Preoccupation when times are fun and fulfilling is also a must. I love to write, listen to make music and other artistic ways of expression.
I love to keep it light! When it is necessary, get serious about life and where things in it are heading. A quick heart and mind check-up on a regular basis keeps our outlook in focus and in check! Everyone has someone out there with similar feelings in love and life just looking for that match.
My favorite bible quote: “Love never fails!”
We just have to know what the meaning of “Love” Is!
I am also, Keeping FAITH!!!
Comment by YourBlkQueen on 2 October 2008:
We’ll never know what happiness can be made if we hold onto the past. It hurts- that’s why it’s called heartbreak. But if we learn to let go of the fear and give love a second chance, the reward may be more than we ever imagined. I’m for love and happiness. My special man is out there. I won’t allow a previous relationship gone bad to hinder me from my joy!
Comment by Pia on 3 October 2008:
I lost the love of my life……my husband when he died almost 4 years ago.
Then I thought I found the next love about a year ago, but he cheated on me.
I can’t tell you it was easy to get over either situation, but it sure took sometime to re-evaluate my life…Of what I thought would be best for me.
I learned how to take things one day at a time…….Keep living………Crap does and will happen, but move through it all…it does get better with time.
I thank God for a good friend who just happened to also be a therapist who made me realize a few things. Through it all I had a light bulb moment of truth.
I learned how to breathe again…
I’m fine now and I’m so ready for the next steps in my life….starting with pen pals and good friends to chat with.
Comment by slius on 3 October 2008:
i don’t know about that..i’ve given up on love.i think some people are destined to find soulmates and others arent!most of my friends from varsity are either engaged,married or in longterm relationships.i too wouldve been in the same situation had my so-called soulmate not hurt me.now im the only single 22 yr old in my group.its sad.
Comment by slius on 3 October 2008:
and when i finally moved on from HIM and thought that maybe just maybe i had been given a second chance at happiness,i was proved wrong…so iv decided to write off the ideal of true love..atleast for me that is..
Comment by slius on 3 October 2008:
and when i finally moved on from HIM and thought that maybe just maybe i had been given a second chance at happiness,i was proved wrong…so iv decided to write off the ideal of true love..atleast for me that is….
Comment by slius on 3 October 2008:
and when i finally moved on from HIM and thought that maybe just maybe i had been given a second chance at happiness,i was proved wrong…so iv decided to write off the ideal of true love..atleast for me that is…
Comment by morninflower on 5 October 2008:
Absolutely Yes! - As cheesy as this may sound, Falling in love and the dynamics of being in a relationship appeal to me. Sure I have had my heart broken and never thought I would recover, but one of my all time favorite songs by Alicia Keys “Lessons Learned” Sums it all for me - “falling down ain’t falling down if you don’t cry when you hit the floor” - so I dust myself up, pull up my big girl pants and I try again!
Comment by www.reagan.co.ug on 6 October 2008:
May ub blesd each nevery de wit lov joy npc in abandancl I Paray. May u reciv evry gd gift 4m abov may God sho u how deeply ur LOVE !!!
Comment by blue1 on 6 October 2008:
Burnt and burnt bad, but life goes on. Love is so much fun when you have it that it is worth being hurt. My one true love exists and I will find her.
Comment by meron on 6 October 2008:
For “slius”,
That’s the whole point of love! It grows, changes, feels good & bad. You go through much and gain plenty. I’ve had my heart broken through most of the same and common ways already mentioned. I thought of suicide at the tender age of 25!!
You are so young yet! It will get better. It may not be the love of your life, but, if it make you feel “alive” it is successful. Don’t give up, take time if you must, but, keep future options open! I’ve entered my 40s now! Finding a few who have ways of touching my soul right now. Everyone Keep your head up. Look for the signs and accept what comes.
Comment by latrelle on 8 October 2008:
I think we should equate falling in love as an emotional issue; and emotions are fickle and do change.
Love itself is a choice. We choose to love someone (if that love is purely unconditional). It helps if both parties understood the ‘unconditional’ part of the equation. It means putting the other person first… above himself, or herself. If both individuals did that, just think about how totally balanced the relationship would be! It’s not a 50:50 ratio here but a 100:100 one.
As far as loving again after an unfortunate breakup, it is tough but can be done after a period of healing. Perhaps some people are great at bouncing back, but is rebounding soon a wise decision? Isn’t there a grief or healing period involved here? Time heals wounds and unfortunately, many individuals do not take that time to ensure that that healing process happens; hence, they unconsciously take the hurt, pain, emotional scars, baggages or issues into the next relationship and the cycle continues.
Someone once said: if, in every one of your relationships, things unravel and/or spiral out of control, the problem may not be with the person(s) with which you were involved; the problem could be with YOU.
Reminder Note: Perform a “Self-check!”
Comment by half_moon on 8 October 2008:
If you were honest with the heartbreaker then look in that mirror and tell yourself I did right even if I was done wrong. If I had all the money thats been taken I could retire very comfortably now,but really I felt more like a man then I can ever remember when I didn’t lay down dusted myself off and knew in my soul that the person who did me wrong didn’t deserve me anyway. And ya know what?? In the end they got the leftovers and I got my life back! Don’t rush and don’t hide. Just make sure your making yourself happy first and then the rest will fall in your lap!
Comment by SnazzyBella on 10 October 2008:
Having suffered from a failed love, I have learned one thing. As we grow and change, our love grows and changes. We should embrace the changes and sometimes that means letting a love go. Most people are too quick to jump into another relationship before truly healing from the first heartbreak.
Comment by slius on 12 October 2008:
thanks meron.its just really hard to move on and believe in love again.especially when everyone around seem to be engaged or married.and that was supposed to be me..it really hurts and sumtyms it just feels as if the pain will never go away..
Comment by Linda254 on 13 October 2008:
Hi you guys are forgetting one thing….God.Why do we always make plans , meet new people without involving him.I definitely have learned the hard way , as some of us , here. but this time around before looking for a new love involve God (or whoever you perceive your maker to be )and i believe He will still us in the right direction, i am sooo depending on him this time around, so I’ll let you guys know what happens.Remember when hurt to heal your heart and truly forgive those who have cause you havoc only then can you move on.To love and happily ever after people
Comment by kathugga on 15 October 2008:
Wow. Another great topic. I think that for myself, while I havn’t given up on looking for love , I am a lot less likely to take the first thing that comes along. I have to be picky–I have a 4 year old son to think of too, and anyone I get with, he is with, know what I mean? What good would it do for me to be with someone if I had to referee between her and him? That said, yes I know I need to think about me too. I do that. But anyone with children knows that they are part of the package and the person you are with has to at least like them. To my shock and dismay I’ve run into women who don’t want to be any more than casual friends (saying hi at work, chattin inthe break room, etc) because I have custod of my son. Worst thing is, a few of these have kids of their own too. Weird, yah? So, not only do i have to think of my son in relation to any possible mate, I have to screen the ones i’m interested in to find one who a) likes kids and b)doesn’t mind that I have one of my own. Which makes things frustrating, extremely so. Beyond that, I think for anyone who has split with someone, whether boy/girl friend or spouse, is a little cautious at first. In the back of your mind is the thought that whileyou hope things are better than the last, you expect it be at least as bad, all the while doing your best to not show this. It’s an individual response tho, to a greater or lesser degree, how the react to a break up.
Comment by lovelybbw on 16 October 2008:
We are loving creatures. WE all wish to be loved. I’ve had my heart broken, shatterd and torn apart by some one I gave it to for safe keeping. It hurt so bad… Strange how we learn. The very man that broke may heart told me “Don’t settle for the one you can live with, wait for the one you can’t live without.” I guard my heart more closely now, but hope to find the one, that will treat it with love and kindness as I will his.
Comment by WHURR on 18 October 2008:
SnazzyBella had a failed love??
Geez….all you had to do was buy more batteries….but you too cheap…DUHH!
Comment by HG on 22 October 2008:
The thing abt “waiting for the one you can’t live without” is by the time you find that you can’t live without him, he’s already gone. One of the cruel ironies of life.
Comment by HG on 22 October 2008:
The problem abt “waiting for the one you can’t live without” is by the time you realise that he has already gone. Another one of the cruel ironies of life.
Comment by renah on 9 November 2008:
to have friends whites from Eurupe, canada, swiden,America,india, south africa. Lam light skinned,tall coming from Uganda saved( born again christian)
Comment by BunnyJean on 1 February 2009:
Lovelybbw, I too have recently had my heart broken by someone I had given my heart to. We were suppose to get married this year, and out of nowhere he decided that he no longer wants this relationship. The pain of this has been very difficult, and I am determined that with the Lord’s help I shall get over it. However, the reality is once a heart has been broken so deeply, it is a real challenge to make yourself vulnerable again. Can I trust myself, my heart, my dreams, my hopes, my secrets again? Can I allow myself to just “be” with another person, when once I have given of myself to another? I assume this posting is to address that issue. I have heard it said that time heals all things. I firmly believe that with God’s help, the hurt will heal, though sometimes I feel such a deep sense of emptiness. I also have come to realize how vitally important it will be for me to seek God’s leading before I make myself vulnerable to another individual again. Scripture tells me “Guard you heart…….”