It’s another Friday… and there he does it again… visiting his comfort zone.
“My boyfriend goes to his local pub every Friday night. Well that isn’t really true… He goes on Mondays, Wednesdays, Friday nights and Sunday afternoons. And I almost forgot… whenever there is a football game!” Does this sound familiar?
When you start going out a guy, you naturally want to spend every waking moment with him, plus … which means spending lots of time in his favorite watering hole. And before you know it, you have sentenced yourself into a connoisseur of bar behavior. But suddenly, he stops tagging you along. And then you end up spending almost every evening on your own. And the only time you get to spend with him, he is thoroughly hangovered. 
As much as you may not moan or nag him about this incomprehensible behavior, just like an inbox, there comes a point when you reach your limit. The boys’ nights suddenly get to you. What fascinates me is that there seems to be a magnetic pull to such places; which if you ask me, is ok for 22 year old who doesn’t give a hoot and is not in a meaningful relationship. But for those in relationships, when do they get to spend time with their women?
Being a woman that loves ice cream, I finally understood the “comfort zone� attraction. But once in a while, I do coffee. Life without variance is like a sentence without punctuation… its flat. Is an occasional comma too much to ask? Do men risk being labeled “whipped� when they take a pause from the brawling bar behavior or have you tag along like you used to? Doesn’t the monotony of going to the same place, hanging out with the same people, looking at the same waitresses bore the sh** out of men?
Sometimes women also want to be “one of the boys�. Coz then I’d know that he really values my company. So if a man only gives you 2 days a week (when he has a hangover), what will stop a woman from having a girls night out and hang out with men who shower her with attention… men on a boys night out? 
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Comment by laugh_sailor on 11 June 2007:
I do think it’s important for both in a relationship to have their own happy lives and can easily see having a boys/girls night out. Wouldn’t you want to take your best friend with you, at least usually, though? And isn’t that what our mate ought to be?
Sounds like those guys aren’t ready for a close relationship or aren’t happy with the one they’re in and don’t know how to achieve that happiness with their gal. A frank talk about it and what to do to recover romance would do good, either pointing things in a good direction or clarifying the need to move on.
I like hanging out with my friends and take them on the same afternoon daysail often because having time to really talk and relax with them in nature is great - I’ve rarely heard “Not sailing to Malibu again!” and we go wherever we want to, in any case. A bar provides some of that but I think not as fulfilling because it’s passive and sedated and I find the quality of people that get out to do things is higher.
If my gal only gave me two days a week (Let alone with a hangover) because she wanted to be at a bar, I’d talk to her about it and if necessary, end the relationship: It’s a very sad relationship, speaking of a fundamental lack of respect, desire, willingness to make things work and an awful dynamic. I don’t like the idea of going out and flirting to get even - It’s just passive/agressive behavior that impedes understanding by creating a superflous problem.
Finally, I ought to be plenty for my woman and she for me because we take the care to work on keeping our romance alive, knowing that it’s fundamentally more valuable to us to do so than letting the relationship slip into routine, complacency and taking our mate for granted: Apathy is the worst but is easily prevented with delight in adventures, surprises, fun experiences together and showing we care for each other romantically and in every sense.
Comment by Cocokisses on 12 June 2007:
Two things…Not only am I not comfortable hanging out in bars, but I can never be considered one of the boys. If my guy wants to be chunking bills at someone in a g-string, it darned well better be me!
Comment by laugh_sailor on 13 June 2007:
Three cheers for Cocokisses! But how about squirting warm chocolate with a pastry decorator squeeze bag (Sorry - I don’t know the name.) at you, instead of bills?
Comment by fala on 13 June 2007:
Damn laugh_sailor!!!!!
Comment by Got the T-shirt on 14 June 2007:
I think that although some things change over time, the essence does not.
In my early 20’s, yah, I barhopped looking for a good time and women. Not the relationship type women, but the “here and now” type women.
In my late 20’s, yah, I clubhopped looking for a woman to meet and have a relationship with.
In my 30’s, no, I don’t club/barhop. I have found that my friends have mostly settled down (although I am personally still looking). We do still party, but nowadays its more of either going to the lake on the party barge or meeting at a more subdued venue where we can do pool, darts, drink and eat.
Lifestyles change. Men who value a woman will settle back into it. At least in my book, my woman will be with me and our couple friends chilling out and having a good time.
Thats not to say we wont go out and have a boys/girls night out. But I see that as the exception rather than the norm.
Anyway, just my 2cents.
Comment by Cocokisses on 15 June 2007:
Ummm…Laugh Sailor, all I can say to that is EEEEEWWWWWW! In case you were wondering, that was a NO…LOL!!!!!
Comment by fala on 15 June 2007:
LOL@Coco.
Comment by Jabali on 16 June 2007:
The girl I’m with now sees to like bar-hoping with me. I like it!
Comment by laugh_sailor on 17 June 2007:
I’ll take my chocolate mess, whipped cream and my berries and play with someone else. Ha!
Comment by Gary309 on 18 June 2007:
When a couple have to go out “flirting” … sorry the relationship was never there in the first place ….or is now over..
Comment by Cocokisses on 24 June 2007:
Hey Laugh Sailor…ENJOY! BUH-BYE! LOL!
Comment by Sammy on 29 June 2007:
I agree with Gary,a man or woman that has no time for there partner isn”t worth being with,an ya coc few women want to go to a strip joint,and find no use for them myself-if i want to see a woman nekid then she needs t be my lady lol,not some stranger.
And I agree with sailor–your lady/man is supposed to be your best friend if your in a relationship.
Comment by lilo4love on 16 April 2008:
I totally agree with cocokisses. hanging out in the bar with the boys is a once in a while thing. can’t make it our “we time”.
been there done that when i was much younger, didn’t like it.