Colorism has plagued this nation since God knows when. There is a common belief that light skin is beautiful, means more opportunities, better jobs, more respect, acknowledgment and better treatment from society.
Some Black women bleach themselves so they can ‘beautiful’. Having looked up the word beautiful, there is no mention of ‘color’ in the definition. Anyhow, here are a couple of reasons two women gave for bleaching:
“Most of this is done to impress men, and when you have black brothers telling you things like ‘I’d rather see 12 black women die than to see one white women with a runny nose’… then you have artist like Chris Rock, coming on TV making Fun of black women, and mocking them. Its like what are you suppose to do?”
“My husband fell in love with me but completely adores my skin color. I can’t change my skin tone now cause he knows me as being light. Bottom line is if you are ugly, nobody notices when u are light skin.”
So what do you make of this woman (featured on the Tyra Banks show - video below) who in a twisted attempt to make herself ‘beautiful’ bleached her 3 sons too … exposing their delicate skin to harsh concoctions every day; with the darkest one getting a little extra?
Bleaching yourself is one thing. But doing it to ones own children!!!! 
They say light skinned people have it easier over their dark skinned counterparts. They say a mother knows best. But seriously, is this what it’s come to; altering our children’s perceptions on color? This is exactly how racism is bred.
No pun intended but looking at how those of us who are ‘rich in color’ spring in to destruction action in reaction to ‘racism’ or perceived racism against us, don’t you think by doing so, we are responsible for promoting the slave mentality and colonial mindset we are trying so hard to eliminate?
Tags: black women black men, black women white men, interracial dating
Popularity: 26% [?]
Comment by homesteader on 17 July 2009:
It’s all in ones own mind / Love is a feeling not a color .
Comment by Lady_K_82 on 17 July 2009:
Just watched the video clip and I don’t know whether to be shocked or offended. Tyra must be right. There’s definitely more going on with those ladies than the skin colour issue. They’re all stunning and should accept the way God made them. We weren’t all meant to look the same.
Comment by Lady_K_82 on 17 July 2009:
I also think every race has its issues. Look at white people and tanning. Some people will do anything to be darker.
Comment by WHURR on 18 July 2009:
I actually downloaded the video and am going to use it as a form of discipline for my kids.
I won’t bleach them…just show them how bad life can be if they don’t act right!
You all talking bleaching creme and I have been reading reviews from Consumer Reports on darkening creme. Jergens was rated number one, so I’m heading out and buying me a tan.
A milky white , ice cream loving white man needs a tan badly….. and a gym!
I watched the whole video….. ‘dem sum crayze fukkers’… and u can quote me on that!
DANG! Its almost as if they are talking like they were busted on a secret hidden camera. I’m watching it and thinking, they can’t be so stupid that they come on Tyra for the free airfare and hotel to talk about bleaching your kids.
WOW!
Comment by NO PLAYER on 18 July 2009:
Self hatred is such a serious issue, that no one has to give you bleaching cream, because if you’ve convinced yourself that blackness is ugly, you’ll buy the cream and do the job yourself.
My mother once told me, “no one can make you feel inferior without your permission!”
That’s why people must have a “KNOWLEDGE of THEMSELVES” so they’ll have a healthy love of themselves. Without this knowledge it’s easy to fall victim to this media madness and the cosmetics industry’s standard of beauty.
They say seeing is believing, well if all you see everyday, day in and day out is someone elses standard of beauty then it will have an effect on your self esteem over a period of time if you don’t have the means to resist this poison by having a love and appreciation for yourself and the color of your skin.
Having two mixed children (Blk & German) and living in Germany, I go that extra mile to make sure my children see examples of beauty in BLK people, paticulary BLACK WOMEN!
So I have Ebony, Essence and Black Woman’s magazines all over the house. I make sure that my children see BLK people at their best as much as posible, so I keep movies of positive content in the house.
I try my best to counter attack some of this garbage that’s out there but most important I make sure that I validate them and let them know that no matter who doesn’t think they’re beautiful, as there father I do and to hell with what others may think!
I think until we as people stop giving our power to forces outside of ourselves we’ll always have these kinds of issues.
So BLACK POWER is a must: the power to define my own standard of beauty, the power to affrim and validate myself, the power to make my environment a reflection of my culture, and the power to LOVE me as GOD created me!
That’s power and it can only come from within and no one can give you that power. I know some will think, that’s racist, oh well, if to love me and to appreciate myself outside the standards of another people makes me racist, then I am whatever you say I am!
I’ll close on this note, “it’s bad when others atttemp to curse you with their opinions of you but when you take their opinion and then curse yourself, that’s insanity!
Love you, see and admire you as only you can because anything else, just wont do!
Peace!
Comment by takinitall on 18 July 2009:
Ok this is hitting home and making me super emotional. I apologize if I am venting but I have to get this off my chest.
1. The mother on this show needs to be beat. She is causing so much emotional abuse to her boys it’s ridiculous. Her boys are handsome and she needs to build their self esteem up. I really feel bad for the darker baby, as I’m sure she is causing him the most harm. I have seen parents just like her who treat their kids differently based on their complexion.
2. As a fair skinned black woman, I too have hated myself. I am constantly referred to as “a big yellow in stilettos” or “a nice thick redbone” when I am so much more.
3. I have had envy from darker black women so bad to where it has caused physical altercations. The worst was my first semester in high school, when I was jumped and stabbed by a group of darker skinned girls; whose argument was “I think I’m all that and I’m trying to take all the guys.” Even as an adult I have had women threaten me who I don’t even know.
4. Dating interracially has not been much different with either. Many of the white men I meet say things like they prefer darker black women as they look more “exotic”.
5. Hair also plays a role in this. Depending on which weave I have in people respond differently and will ask “where are you from?” or “what are you mixed with”.
6. I have 2 kids, my son is fair skin and people always say he looks just like me and is very handsome. However, my daughter is dark skin and people ask me is she adopted. Although it angers me, I say “no she’s mine” with pride.
7. Many people think because you are fair skin you don’t have self esteem issues and are at an advantage in society. This is not always true, we are still black and work just as hard and even harder “to prove our blackness.” I personally consider myself average as far as looks, but others may see me different.
8. I personally went to counseling for years to deal with this and raise my self esteem and self worth. I encourage anyone light or dark to do the same if you have issues. I now understand that I can’t change other people’s perception of me, but I can be ok with myself. I also work with my children for them to understand no matter what complexion, they are beautiful.
9. The beauty of being black is we come in all sorts of shades and colors. Some of us can even pass for white. No matter what the complexion our struggles are still the same.
10. Parent’s we are responsible for our babies. Teach them to love themselves and others no matter what and look beyond the skin tone. If you are not secure with who you are, how can you teach them to be.
Comment by Treacle09 on 18 July 2009:
“The worlds’ most unforgettable beauties are often women who fall outside of the narrow definition of trying to conform to a “type”. These women make a journey into discovering who they are and embrace the very traits that set them apart. Their beauty is a glorious reflection of being comfortable in their own skin… beauty is realising you are the beholder ”.by Iman, which I think is very true.
Skin bleaching creams are illegal in Britain and Europe for possible severe side effects, so I find it very shocking that woman would want to inflict that onto her children knowing the possible risks.
Really those who hate their skin colours are their own worst enemy, as really its up to them to over come their ways of thinking.
I’ve always personally preferred having an ’non standard beauty look’. My mother has Yellow Golden brown skin, my father has the deepest rich brown skin, and I’m a combination of both. So as a rich, warm, reddish brown , with yellow, golden undertones woman (the extended description lol), I feel lucky and blessed to have a slight uniqueness which I was born with and sets me apart.
There is also a common belief that being a hard worker, a high achiever with the right attitude means more opportunities, better jobs, more respect, acknowledgment and better treatment from society.
Comment by haneefa on 19 July 2009:
this is stupid, i am a beautiful black darkskinned woman and i really do love my color, i think i am liked for my looks, personality, and im an outgoin person. i feel like people should love me for who i am not the color of my skin and if they choice otherwise then they can move on with their lives and will move on with mines. i love white men and there are some white men that do not like darkskinned women and i think its not right because when it comes down to love it shouldnt matter what color you are. for someone to do this to their children its just ashame, they are little kids they can get sick and ill because of the bleaching. i have been with white men and they love to tan because they want darker skin but i told them u should be proud of your color not what other people think.
Comment by FLclassic on 19 July 2009:
I’m not really shocked by this considering our society consistantly tells people of color that we aren’t beautiful enough to the point that Vogue’s All-Black magazine released last summer was groundbreaking.
Even a past study showed that black children preferred a white doll over a black one. Even our own people demean each other even if its only jokingly. We’ve all heard the nicknames blackie, dark as a tire, and even purple. And don’t get me started on the old addage that you should marry someone lighter.
The thing that’s truly sad about these ladies is that they’re beautiful. And they don’t realize it. When I was younger I would have killed for their dark smooth skin, since it seemed like the darker the skin the less prone it was to breakouts. And I suffered for years with it.
I admit I feel my skin looks better when I’ve had some sun. In fact, I remember when my mother who was a beautiful pecan brown used to tell me I needed to get more sun because I’d become too light, when I used to live in Atlanta.
And that “undercover” survey was bogus. She could have walked into any Walgreens anywhere in the U.S. and she would have not only found them in the “black” section.
Beauty Tip: Ambi and other skin lightners help to even skin tones. BUT pure shea butter is better…trust me. Plus, it has a natural sunscreen so it helps to slow down the aging process. I wished I would have discovered it in my teens:(
Comment by Nalah on 19 July 2009:
You know what, I couldn’t even watch the whole segment. It makes me feel physically sick to the stomach, to think that the words of the evil slave driver William Lynch, all the way from the late 1700’s, still ring oh so very loud and true today. It’s so disgusting and ignorant that we ALL as AMERICANS are not exposed to the true attrocities in our histories that have shaped our pasts, our present, and quite possibly our futures. With the government controlling what is taught and what is censored in our schools, its sad knowing that probably 90% of people wouldn’t know who William Lynch was if he were to be mentioned in a conversation. It saddens me to see these gorgeous women up on stage, demeaning themselves, their children, and our race so savagly. It hurts to think that these beautiful women don’t see how, black is so beautiful. Look back in America’s history, even today! People of other races expose themselves to dangerous sun rays, chemials and cremes, TO GET DARK. People spend thousands, even millions of dollars to get butt implants, lip implants, breast implants, higher fuller cheekbones, wider hips…to mimick black women! Slave masters took black women to be their concubines, had families with them, envied black men for their strong dark bodies, labeled them as beasts because of the size of their penises. These women have it all backwards. With the way information is displayed to us as children, I can understand why they think this way, but as adults they need to educate themselves and their children and families. These women need to have pride in who they are, where they come from, the color of their skin, all of the above! I, as a black woman, am oh so proud to be black. I have the blood of black races from different countries and I would not change it for the world. I wish these women could see what I see when I look at them. They are beautiful.
Comment by Glock on 19 July 2009:
Personally I think it is breeding racism. One of the few times I agree with the title. There’s no telling what kinds of mixed up thoughts the kids will have later in life when they reflect on what their mom has attempted to do. Sure, they will blame their mom to a certain degree, but most will probably be aimed at whites. They will blame whites for fostering an environment/culture in which their mother felt it necessary to “bleach” her kids to look more acceptable.
This subject has been discussed several times on this blog. We are told over and over again that the media bombards us with “what is considered beautiful” (white complexion). We see the commercials with beautiful white women with long flowing hair or make up the shows their cheeks or eyes more…blah blah blah. Whatever the commercials show, it’s all about marketing. They play these commercials because they paid the broadcasting companies money to play them to the audience they are trying to market. White women. Pick up a copy of Essence, Ebony, Jet and you don’t see white women advertised like you do on Redbook, Womens Journal (or whatever magazines white women read). It’s a different market.
I can only speak for myself, but seeing white women portrayed on TV or anywhere else does not define for me who I should find superior or more attractive. Hands down, black women steal the show in my book. I’m not saying there aren’t white women who I find very attractive, but for me, not on the same level as black women. There, there is one white man’s opinion about this topic. I know quite a few white men who share this opinion.
Takinitall, my heart goes out to you for what you went through. I can’t imagine what it was like for you.
Comment by summerbrees on 19 July 2009:
Self worth? Value? If you listen to these women they keep talking “attention.” As a feminist this kills me. Attention from men? Is that truly how you define yourself as a woman? White supremacist ideology dominates the world and is completely and utterly destructive. The saddest part is that the black community perpetuates this ideology. I empathize with these women only because white supremacy is often inescapable. I know it’s hard to reject your culture but if the people you surround yourself with terrorize you, it is definitely time to move on. Interestingly enough, you would think that they would bleach in order to be more attractive in the eyes of whites. It’s ironic because in the eyes of whites, no matter shade, you are still BLACK.
Comment by searching4ya on 19 July 2009:
Another example of someone going to extreme, for what? We, as most of us know, are individual. Our real beauty lies beneath our skin, no matter of color. I feel the insecurities or unhappiness with ones skin tone is more than skin deep. But then again, living in S. FL., where racial (Bi and Inter. included) apprehension is almost non existent and beauty is perceived in every skin color, I may be biased. Also, I must add that I’m really shocked by some of the reverse racist (black attacking white) comments here. Guess this mentality is why some people are bleaching their skin. So sad, shallow minded people leading others to do stupid and harmful things to themselves. ;-(
Comment by Shotgun007 on 19 July 2009:
Whurr your comment was too funny but oh so true.
Glock, you really brought out some valid points and thank you for putting it so eloquently.
Does bleaching breed racism? I’m not the expert but I can certainly say that Blacks have never held the power to leverage racism in America. I do think it breeds self-esteem issues though. No one can deny that.
The standards of beauty are gradually changing, but there are a lot of conflicts. Since the Stone Age, (white complexions) were deemed “Most Attractive”, yet now that we have some of the more famous power-house black women in the Media… Tyra Banks, Beyonce, they appear to de-embrace their total ethnicity. Beyonce and Tyra, both highly beautiful women, yet continue to add bleach and blonde hairpieces to enhance their looks. whats that all about?
So when young Black women look to the media for role models and some of the biggest names in the business are shying away from their own ethnic features,…it really makes me question how deep the cycle of “Hollywood Beauty” has become.
The parents depicted in this Tyra video probably need a dose of reality and maybe a few counseling sessions. Shotgun007
Comment by Shotgun007 on 19 July 2009:
Summerbrees, Well stated!!
Comment by 1nohana on 20 July 2009:
This is disgusting.
summerbrees stated everything that I think. Black is definitive. While the are some privileges for lighter skin versus that of darker skin, they are MINISCULE. Ultimately, we make more of those differences and variations in skintone than WHITE PEOPLE DO. White people still see a light skinned black person as black unless they are clearly biracial.
White supremacy is so potent in our society that it has hurt us most of all. We literally try to change our most defining and beautiful characteristic - our skintone. I think about that and I nearly cry. I’ve never dealt with being “too light” or “too dark”. I literally fall inbetween.
Comment by 1nohana on 20 July 2009:
(somehow I hit submit too quickly)
What I would like to tell these women is that they are BEAUTIFUL no matter what their skintone is. Screw people that find them as being less-than because of how light or dark they are. You want someone that will love you REGARDLESS of being a redbone, “glowing” or getting attention from a bunch of relatively irrelevant people.
If you can’t validate yourself, don’t expect anyone else to validate you.
Comment by homesteader on 20 July 2009:
Self Worth is how you carry yourself in life , Being born white , of smaller stature and becoming Disabled at a younger age / I have seen personally how those that were born more fortunate [ with a silver spoon in their mouth ]. Turned into worthless individuals with no drive to do anything productive .
Color of skin has totally not any difference [ in the years past - it may have been that way - Times have changed / learn to use these changes ] in the way each person carries themselves in the Respect they show for all others in this Day and Age .
Look around you , the ones who complain constantly sitting in groups smoking cigarettes and watching Capt. Kangaroo will go nowhere in life / if they were to use their time to try to improve their lives . Would be as Fortunate in Victory as My Wife and I were , here at AfroRomance .
Curling 12 ounce bottles will never make you a weight lifter , it causes Drunk people to make unwise choices in their behavior - thus commiting illegal acts and incarceration due to breaking man’s laws / Unless time spent in containment at the exercise yards pumping iron is all you look for in life .
summerbrees ; Please feel free to look at My pictures / and the irony is you will Still see White in your eyes and you shall never know the Journey in life that I have traveled or the Labors that I have done to get where I am Today . You do not have any idea the times in my life that I went to sleep hungry . However , I was Blessed to find a Wife at AfroRomance . Because I did knot sitback and complain . I got off my ass and moved Forward .
People regardless of their heritage in life can only Dominate you if You allow them to do so . You shall only Succeed if you yourself make the effort .
The saddest part is all people are born Equal , in my Past life being single and Disabled , I was Terriorized by the Criminal Mentality of others / alas I did knot give up and fall Victim to those that did these Cowardly acts against me .
I used intelligence , online advice and the Benefits of 800 telephone numbers to bring Our Lives into a Happier World . In this U.S.A. , there are many Representitives in our Gov’t / Who are paid well to help Citizens in some of their problems . Only if you personally take the time to seek Help . And the numbers to call are in the front pages of telephone books .
We saw many Bigots and through avoiding their Stupid comments and Negative actions , We have found that by looking into the present and Dreaming about the Future we are Happy Together .
They on the other hand still Swill in their own Effluence [ excretement ] as they are knot Smart enough to crawl out of it . We shall allow them to smell like they do .
We purchased some Blue dye last week to color my old A-shirts which with time faded from White / Life is and shall always be as each chooses to make it for themselves .
Comment by homesteader on 20 July 2009:
P.S. You shall never be able to change the errors made in the days of old . Why Dwell on them , Try to look ahead . The Future is indeed Brighter for those that can see advancement in Life .
Comment by bluespec5 on 20 July 2009:
I really don’t see this as racism as some are claiming it to be. I have traveled the world, and I can say without a doubt that God didn’t give any one race all the goods; he spread it out among them. Had he given all the good looks to one race, then you’d have one group of arrogant cOck suckers that all the other races would despise.
I think we are at a point in human and societal evolution that we often think of ourselves as being able to design our bodies and our looks. It doesn’t mean we want to be race X or that we dislike our own race. It simply means that we have formed certain tastes in what we see as attractive. Then if we like several physical characteristics of another race, we get labeled as hating our own race.
I am Caucasian. Up until age six, I had half a head of blond hair and half brown hair. Then within a six month period my hair changed to completely dark brown. I wanted my bond hair back and wished that for years, but after I became an adult, I could have bleached my hair, but I finally accepted myself for what I am. I realized that there are attractive people who don’t have blond hair, haha. Ok didn’t need to be Sherlock Holmes to figure that out…
And by the way, we’ve been led to believe that it is only Caucasians who are white. I beg to differ. I live in Japan and have traveled to China and Korea, and I have found many white-skinned Asians. I would dare say that I have found more white skinned and more brown skinned Asians that I ever have “Yellow” skinned Asians. Many women here bleach their skin or at least wear heavy sun screen so that their skin will not tan. It’s not because they want to look like white Europeans; they just prefer to have white skin.
And just for the record, any women with intelligence and a bright personality I find attractive regardless of her skin color.
I think we should love ourselves for who we are, change what we can (and want to change) but don’t worry about any changing meaning that we are not race X or race Y. Race is really a very shaky concept anyway.
Comment by Bellara on 20 July 2009:
Lady K you are absolutely right..my aunt looks 2x darker than i am…no one can tell she’s 100% white unless they take the time to look at her features. it all lies in our own minds.
Summbrees: you need to be a teacher or a counselor.. loved how you phrased your thoughts
Comment by morninflower on 20 July 2009:
DUMB! JUST DUMB! That’s all I have to say…
Comment by miri2008 on 20 July 2009:
Do any of the following fall into the same category as the bleaching practice?
1) chemicals and/or heat to straighten hair
chemical peeling of the skin
2) weave to add length/volume to hair
3) colored contact lenses to give eye color variety
4) literally baking in the sun/tanning bed to tan
5) using tanning lotions to appear tan
6) breast implants
7) various other forms of cosmetic surgery
9) Eyelid surgery to add a crease specifically to make Asian eyes appear more Europea
Comment by rarestgold on 20 July 2009:
When I was really young and didn’t know better, it hurt a little bit when guys wouldn’t look at me (but at my light skinned friends) or when people (even family members) would comment on my “darkness”. That was then. Early on I learned to not care what others thought of me because my parents constantly reaffirmed my beauty. I also had a whole lot of something else going for me - confidence - because if you don’t believe in yourself who else will?
Comment by david1975 on 21 July 2009:
Im English but lived in Kenya and they think that the lighter there skin colour the better they are. They even call people who are very black. I love black women and the blacker the better for me
Comment by aliekatt2 on 21 July 2009:
lol @ Treacle09 so true.
Lol @ summerbrees the feminist in me screams too, to think that it was done on some scale for men.
But as a person who is mixed and light sknited (hee-tee) I have to agree with takinitall!
I got jumped everyday ( which means I can kick ass now), so much so that my dad put me in a dojo.
When my parents moved here from New York, they moved to S.Central trying to fit in. My dad’s Cuban and my mom’s mixed. I went to catholic school, had hair to my butt, and grey eyes.
My oldest brother was a blonde and has blue eyes, and my other brother was a red head, and has hazel eyes, and my youngest has green eyes. (and we won’t even get into my younger siblings).
There wasn’t a day that my mother wasn’t at the skool for one of her kid fighting. They would tease my brother and ask him if my parents dyed his hair,called him white boy and he’d git mental and commence to ass kicken.
We’re Cubano/Boicua, not white lol j/k.
Anywhoo,
When I was 11 I got jumped by four darker skin girls, because they said that I thought I was better than them. They ripped my shirt off during the fight, so I had to walk eight blocks to my house with my back pack on backwards to keep my boobies from showing. (not to mention cracked the eye-bone above my eye socket, bulled out massive amounts of my hair, and fractured my arm.)
(My mom was gonna cut each one of them lol.)Funny but not.
Just because you’re light skinned doesn’t mean that it more tolerable for you.
It sucks to say that my parents had to move their children out of the neighborhood. Its even sadder to say that I was happy from then on, because my parents moved to Hollywood, and me and my brothers and sisters fit in then. I never had another fight because of my skin color.
And the thing with Cubans and Puerto Ricans, we can be either light or dark skinned. My daughter is the only Dark skinned person in my family and she is a beautiful queen, and I tell her this everyday.
Her skin color does not equate her worth, she will always be my princess, and I said princess, not black princess, because her skin color should not matter.
Comment by hitech12 on 21 July 2009:
Hi everyone, this is my first time on the blog, but I’ve enjoyed reading everyone’s opinion on this matter. Let me first say that I couldn’t even finish watching the video above because to me, it was ridiculous. I’m a light skinned black man, and even though I can tell you first hand, light skinned blacks don’t have it easier, I believe all shades of black are beautiful, just as I feel that EVERY race has something beautiful to offer this world. My dad is a light skinned black man, and my siblings and I all have the same skin tone as he does. My mom has beautiful dark brown skin. Not once was skin tone an issue in our house growing up. No one ever even mentioned it. However, going to school and growing up, I was always called hi yellow, red bone, light bright and almost white, and I can go on and on. Just about everyone thought my mom was a White woman. I never got into too many fights, because that was just the way things were. I would even say things to those darker than myself out of anger. Both dark and light complexion blacks just picked on each other that way. However that didn’t make it right. 1nohana had an excellent point when she wrote, ‘we make more of those differences and variations in skin tone than White people do’. I’m sorry to repeat what has already been written, but we are all black no matter how light or how dark. We have got to get over this ridiculous thinking because to me, it divides us as a race in a way, and it shouldn’t be like that. I look at my mom today, who as I mentioned has smooth dark brown skin, and is beautiful. I have no idea how someone can say lighter skin is better. All races have attractive features and different skin tones. No one is the same and there is so much more to a person than their skin pigment. We all need to remember that, no matter what skin tone we may have, or what race we are.
Comment by takinitall on 21 July 2009:
OMG! Alikatt I swear our stories mirror each other, hug youself for me. I also attended school in South Central; Watts to be exact, but we lived in Victorville. My mom commuted daily for work and wanted us to have a “balanced life.” Of course I learned ghetto etiquette which comes in handy today, in fact I tell people “I’m from a little town called Watts, California.”
Ok, back to the topic at hand. I am really happy to have read all of the responses from the beautiful dark sisters. It makes me feel good about my daughters confidence level. I have lots of dark skinned friends who are not very secure in their skin. My kids attend an all black school and my daughter just started kindergarten. Many of my friends have recommended that I change her school (preferably to a predominately white school), due to fear of her being teased and taunted by other kids. I am currently battling with their suggestions. One may argue that as long as the parents instill pride and confidence the child will be ok. The reality is kids are mean and I don’t want my baby to grow up hating herself. I constantly tell her she’s beautiful and call her princess, top model, diva and much more. Does anyone have any concrete things I can do or say to her to raise her self esteem?
Comment by chellebelle6 on 22 July 2009:
Wow, I’ve never experienced the beat down because of my skin color thank God! I haven’t been told I was better then anyone else either. My first issue with this is with my children. My ex is very dark and we have 3 beautiful children that all took his complexion. My middle daughter struggles the most even though I tell her she’s soooo beautiful to me and the rest of the world! It breaks my heart. I’m always trying to build her confidence and she’s just angry that she doesn’t look more like me. It’s so sad that this has been used for years to divide us. My grandmother always said you’re no better but just the say as everyone else.
Comment by Nandi on 22 July 2009:
This is really an extreme case and these types of cases are not really race related…We have women all over have implants, injections, eating disorders etc…These women needs professional help and alot of this disorders particularly involving Black Women….Some how they always get tied into racism….When their outer appearance is not the root of the problem, no more than the eating disorders are the root of those girls/women problem…What you will find that is universal is low-self esteem, inability to fit in…
We live in a society that looks matters, cosmetics, plastic surgery, weight loss is an multi-billion dollar industry. And alot of women take up these obsessions than to deal with the deep seated issues…Which alot of it includes physical and sexual abuse as children.
http://www.foothillsalliance.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=22&Itemid=25
According to this report 1 in 4 girls in the USA, will be sexually abused before 18 years old…So, I really do not think alot of this “Black self-hatred” have little to nothing to do with why so many women, are into these extreme behaviors.
Comment by prettypepper on 22 July 2009:
Miri2008, THANK YOU! Because all these women who are so “hurt” and “disgusted” about the practice of bleaching the skin are hypocritical. What difference does it make if Beyonce or any other Black woman adds “blond pieces” to a whole head of fake hair! It isn’t just about skin tone, it’s about not loving EVERYTHING about yourself–skin tone, hair texture, eye color, body shape, etc., and not buying into the notion that you have to have ‘white’ features and hair (which is a joke, because I’ve seen plenty of white people with full lips, large noses, protruding eyes, big asses, kinky hair, etc. and people of other races with the so-perceived ‘white’ physical attributes) to be considered beautiful. I have an average complexion and I happen to be pretty. So what? The so what is I’ve experienced so much jealousy and hatred at the hands of BLACK WOMEN about something over which I had no control. My youngest sister is very dark. She has ALWAYS had men of EVERY race chasing after her because it’s about her attitude (and great personality)–she KNOWS she’s beautiful. She’s also experienced a lot of jealousy. We both have curly hair. Her curls are thick, glossy and much looser than mine. Big deal. My curls are like corkscrews. Who cares. It makes me sick that I can not wear my hair in it’s natural state without BLACK WOMEN commenting on it–”You have nice hair,” “Your hair is beautiful” “I wish my hair was like yours” and the one that makes me want to vomit “She has GOOD hair.” I don’t care if they’re trying to be complimentary (it’s OFFENSIVE to me)–the topic of hair is an obsession with Black women. Why!? They don’t even KNOW me. I’d rather they ask me my name than make some comment about my hair! ALL HAIR IS GOOD! ALL SKIN TONES ARE BEAUTIFUL! Black women need to see themselves as beautiful; nobody else can do it for them. And everytime they fake-up their hair, wear colored CLs, bleach their skin, etc. THEY THEMSELVES perpetuate the notion that they aren’t beautiful.
And Bluespec5, you’re dreaming if you think Asian women don’t have issues about their skin tone. They also have issues with the shape of their eyes. People of EVERY culture (including European) have image issues. Black people, women in particular, just have the most because, generally, they believe the lie.
I don’t know about anyone else, but I don’t think we need to revisit this nonsense ever again. Please forgive the rant, but this article really struck a nerve.
Comment by Taffy000 on 22 July 2009:
I haven’t watched the segment yet. I don’t believe there’s always racism behind wanting to “lighten” or “even out” one’s skin tone. As Blacks are well aware, we aren’t all one tone on our bodies anyway! As long as the creams aren’t damaging the children’s skin I don’t see a problem with it. It’s just like putting cocoa butter lotion on I think.
I think the problem comes in when people associate Black or darker skin as being undesirable and light skin as being prettier. I’ve suffered with this as well as simply not being thought of as desirable. I won’t even start on the whole good hair/bad hair issue. It’s heck to grow up in a small town and to not be thought of as beautiful that stick with you. It wasn’t until after I traveled a bit and got different reactions that I realized just how beautiful I was/am.
I can say I struggle with this whole beauty issue. I accept myself for who I am. Where I live, there aren’t a ton of non Black men who date Black women. I’ve done the whole speed dating thing & NOT been chosen!! Yet I can come online & get a fairly steady amount of attention. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I learned that at a very early age!
Comment by Nandi on 22 July 2009:
summerbrees, great post…..
I also believe that rejecting ones own culture is not that difficult, we can surely reject the negativity in our culture that stunts our progress mentally. What needs to be said to people who attempt to malign others because of their own sense of self-worth is simply..”Could you not project your low self-esteem and self-worth on me”. Because that is what it is…
Personally, I love me some me wouldn’t matter if I was darker or lighter, I will always love the skin I am in, my self worth is what I am willing to work for and achieve, my self-esteem is for all those who are part of my culture/race who paved the roads to the many choices, options and opportunities that I do have now…I could careless what someone thinks about me; especially solely based on the colored of my skin…Not enough to make me buckle…I just wish others would recognized you do have options, even to get professional help.
As far as racism…We are all born into it and no doubt will die into it, but there is no denying that much progress has happened on this issue, so there is no real or valid issue to this skin issue…Because it cannot stop you for being educated, pursuing your dreams and ambitions in life. So at the end of day, the choice and consequences for the most part our your very own.
Comment by miri2008 on 22 July 2009:
Thanks PrettyPepper : ) the way people are carrying on, you’d think that someone was making this bleaching stuff in their kitchen and selling it to just these five women…lol.. I’m thinking it’s a fairly large industry supplied by fairly large chemical processing facilities, which are finding a market large enough to justify the industry’s continued existence. So, obviously some number of people must use these lotions/creams. This is just Tyra doing her thing. What would you do if you had to compete with Maury for ratings… lol
I must say, as I stated on a different blog on this site, that while I like the concept of this website (specifically geared to cross ethnic dating), I’m finding the experience to be somewhat questionable.
A large number of these blog topics are consistently racist in nature and narrowly focused. It is as if ‘race’ must constantly be made into an issue. I find this to be petty and small minded.
Even if the site administrators feel that big time world events and heavy intellectual topics are out of place here, for goodness sakes, this is a dating site! Could we at least stay focused on relationships? What works, what doesn’t, moving from on-line to in-person interaction safely, great first date experiences, horrible first date experiences, keeping the flames burning in the relationship, and on and on and on… : )
I will certainly stick around till the end of my subscription, but really… ugh!
Comment by aliekatt2 on 22 July 2009:
Que` Bola People
I concur with most of what you said@ Comment by Nandi
But when you have to fight everyday just to get home, then their self esteem issues become yours. Whether you yourself have confidence in yourself, has nothing to do with having to fight on a daily basis,because you don’t see yourself as better than them, they’re the ones with the issues.
And takinitall can get my back on this. It aien’t kewl…
If anything its a wonder that I didn’t have self esteem issues myself, but I had a strong mother, how taught me that I was worthy to be loved and respected as a woman, no mater what my skin color was.
Comment by Nandi on 23 July 2009:
miri2008
I would have to agree, for a site promoting interracial dating…There sure is alot of “racial topics” as oppose to topics germaine to this site, majority of which is offensive. They are offensive because their are ill-formed, since the beginning of time women because of the history of women in a male dominated world have always struggled with identity and sense of self-worth…And that would be all women. So there really is no resolve and point…These situations will always exists is various forms, from eating disorders, cosmetic surgery to even drug usage…I see no reason to project that solely on one race…
And if it disturbing and extreme, only means some of these women have issue deeper than changing of their appearsnce.
But really indeed…..
aliekatt2
I would never let anyone project their self-esteem issues, misery, anger, pain etc…on me, especially if I am not the cause of it…I feel truly sorry for people like that, but destructive people will destroy your world if you let them in…Children who fight everyday and look for people to bully have not so much of anger issues but pain/hurt issues…Specialists already knows that anger is just pain turned inside out.
Comment by morninflower on 23 July 2009:
@David1975 - I’m Sorry??..I am of Kenyan Heritage and extremely proud to be black. What part of Kenya did you live? I don’t think it’s fair for you to generalize and say that “we as a people think that having light skin is the way to go” NOT all of us think that or even want to be light skinned! I am sure you may have encoutered a number of women - and I can name some the streets and locations where these women get all “dolled” up and act a certain way to attract expatriates etc - BUT that is not a true representation of ALL Kenyans - That is false and general statement and I am a little insulted by your comments. A majority of the people I know and trust me.. I know alot of people of all social, economic backgrounds..different tribes from different villages, slums, towns, cities that are PROUD of their skin color - We did afterall suffer horrible cruelty under colonialism and such wounds do not heal easy - so for us, light skin does not always represent “flower fields and rainbows”. My maternal grandfather was a freedom fighter in the Mau-Mau movement so such general statements really get a rise out of me (in case you can’t tell).
Skin color was never an issue for me growing up; all I had to worry about was the next time I would get to climb a tree or swim in the river, work in the family farm - it was a very laid back situation - unfortunately, when I got exposed to city life - I encountered people especially women that were trying to conform to what they thought men especially expatriates coming to work in my country wanted/needed - Is that the only reason? no..absolutely not..there are some dumb..insecure people that want to burn their skin to fill some void that is beyond skin deep. Like I said in my earlier post.. it’s just dumb..- plain and simple.
P.S. Great posts everyone! I am saddened by those that had to endure cluelty in school! kids can be mean!
Comment by morninflower on 24 July 2009:
@David1975 - I see my previous comment to you was not acceptable by the moderators - so I will try and be as polite as possible and tell you this - please do not post a general comment that all Kenyan people desire to be light skinned. I am of the said heritage and I take offense to your statements.
Comment by Happy_Girl on 25 July 2009:
Where ever there are dark skin people there is the belief that the fair the skin tone the better they are. It is part of the curse we must deal with. But to buy into the whole ideas of what the outside tell us what is beautiful sets you up for failure. You are doomed. We must accept that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and skin tones.
It makes for such a more interesting world if we look at it like that.
Comment by hansgruber on 26 July 2009:
Once again the author takes a few extreme examples impugning the disorder to a wide population and suddenly its a ’slave mentality.’ Give your obsessions a rest. Please. Enough with the race baiting. Enough spouting your racial psychosis publicly. Will you be writing about the white obsession with tanning beds? Or black gangster culture by white kids? The fact is a small minority of people want to be lighter, a small minority of people want to be darker. It is not symbolic of slave mentality or black racism against your own people, irrespective of unrepresentative anecdotal evidence. There is no such thing as pervasive “darkism” in society, so give your own paranoid delusions a rest, get on Prozac, and quit disseminating your divisive leftist bilge ‘Ria’.
Comment by Nandi on 26 July 2009:
Well said hansgruber! And there is no such thing as a slave mentality….Slaves did not have a mentality..They had a reality….This is just offensive race bating…Blacks are not a monolithic race, I cannot think of one race/ethnic group that is monolithic…So, I still fail to get the point other than to race-bait, by way of offending….
Comment by takinitall on 27 July 2009:
@ Allikat2
I see you are also in California. I joined this singles group and they are having a party this Saturday in Pasadena. Check it out maybe you will be interested as well.
http://www.supersinglemixers.com
@ Nandi
I’m going to assume that you have never been bullied. Well you are right kids who bully others have issues with themselves. As the child getting bullied you start to wonder why me? and start to feel as though something is wrong with you, hell I thought my name was “yellow b*tch” for a long time. That is what Allikat meant when she said their issues become yours. Also growing up in the inner city is different than anything else. If you don’t fight back, that opens the door for other people to bully you and your bully will torture you your entire life. Even now I see people who use to bully me in school and they still have issues with me. As an adult I’m able to shake it off and keep going, but as a child that’s virtually impossible even when you have the strongest parents. When I taught high school, I never took lunch. I kept my room open as a safe place for kids to come, who would normally be picked on at lunch. As a result of me sacraficing my lunch hour, kids felt safer at school and developed relationships amongst each other. Kids deserve to enjoy their childhood with extra drama of skin tone and other ignorant stuff. Too many adult issues are put on kids and they shouldn’t have to carry it.
Comment by homesteader on 27 July 2009:
Children are supposed to Enjoy Life as they Learn the Positive Things it Holds for those that desire .
To earn them .
Meanwhile children need the Care of Two Parents their whole first 18 years
Comment by suprised on 27 July 2009:
We are the biggest hypocrites!!! We can’t bleach our skin or press our hair fast enough. How SAD!!!!Someone told US Black is inferior and we belived it.( so much so that we waste our lives trying to gain White acceptance and approval.) I will never bleach my skin or press my hair!!!! We love to focus on distractions instead of taking care of our business. We are treated badly because we need to get our acts together. We need to focus on building wealth , buying property and taking advantage of being born in the best country in the world!!Stop blaming white people and the media for your low self esteem.
Comment by toungejob on 28 July 2009:
The darker the berry, the sweeter the wine. Black is beautiful and u cant buy it. Am black and proud.
Comment by Nandi on 28 July 2009:
takinitall
Actually your assumption would be wrong…However, I could careless about it then or now…However, “inner city” doesn’t have a bullying problem, most of their violence is drug or gang related. And “other communities” teach their children self defense as well, to defend themselves from bullies…Funny thing, I have seen that particular girl as an adult, she was a fat kid and she is now an even fatter adult, you can just look at obese people and know, something is wrong…I mean who would eat themselves to death, have no regards for their bodies and health.. And of course these people blame the food industry, genetics, Professor Plumb as oppose to the truth..They are eating to much and not exercising enough….So, I found her just as laughable as a adult as when she was a child. What is not funny is…She doesn’t even get it.
And regardless of it having merit or not, who would let some bully or opinions of others dominate their lifes forever. I was raised without limitations and I refuse to live that way, no one should project their woes of life on others, which is what breeds bullies….
suprised
Well, I will give you this….
We love to focus on distractions instead of taking care of our business. We are treated badly because we need to get our acts together. We need to focus on building wealth , buying property and taking advantage of being born in the best country in the world!!Stop blaming white people and the media for your low self esteem.
Comment by DrCourage on 28 July 2009:
I just joined this site and I am glad I did especially for these types of discussions. If we as people both black and white do not grab a hold of the love that God has for us, and the care He took in designing us uniquely, then we will never walk in the victory of self-love whether we are dark as night (as myself) or snow white.
Comment by chicnvanilla on 29 July 2009:
In my opinion, racism stems from ignorance.
If you look at most of the successful African American entertainers they have light skin, weave or staighten their hair and use colored contacts.
A lot of successful actors/actresses are also light skinned, it sends a message the lighter the better, its a sad fact.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone.
The movie “School Daze” is a perfect example of blacks hating on each other, because of their perception of what is accepted as beauty by white America.
Life is to short to worry about skin tones.
If we were meant to be one color and speak one language we would be. Wouldnt life be boring with no variety ?
We alI belong to one race: THE HUMAN RACE.
Comment by Vanillalvr on 29 July 2009:
Let me first start by saying kudos to the response given by DrCourage. Your response was very uplifting and the absolute TRUTH. MIRI2008, you always give responses that mirror what I’m thinking. I loved the post where you went from #1-#9 with OTHER practices that other races are doing to change their appearance etc. However, I am not surprised at all that I didn’t read alot of responses to that accurate statement. An Asian dermatologist told me that bleaching is a huge billion dollar industry in the Asian market alone, but that wasn’t mentioned within this blog story. These repetitive one-dimensional, discriminating stories (relating to African American women) are so played out and I question the motive of the editor who is posting these blogs. Can we celebrate our differences? Can we have some blogs that will make us laugh, smile, celebrate our differences and embrace other cultures? Something that will spark curiosity in some and inspire engagement in more dialogue between men and women of different races ? Shouldn’t the motive of an Interracial dating site be to UNITE people who are interested in Interracial dating? SHEESH!!!!!!!!!
Yes, blacks have issues, whites have issues, latinos have issues, asians have issues, indians have issues, those of caribbean decent have issues - am I sounding like a broken record yet?? WE ALL HAVE ISSUES! If we dialogue about diverse stories (instead of just African Americans all the time), I think people will see that ALL races have more in common than we think. My wise mother always said “You don’t have control over people, you only have control over how you allow something to affect you and how you respond”. I’m actually two shades darker than my normal complexion after being in this California sun for 14 years and I don’t have a complex at all about being darker than I usually am. I carry myself with respect and dignity and I LOVE MYSELF. Men of all races approach me, because it’s how you carry yourself and the confidence you exude which is sexy to alot of men (thanks Prettypepper for your post also) .
When I was growing up, I was made fun of by kids too. Kids would pull their eyes in an upward slant and say “Ching Ching Chong Chong” to me like a chinese lady. My sisters were treated the exact same way and it just never bothered us. I know who God made me, so I didn’t sweat the small stuff. I was approached by girls who wanted to beat me up too, because they said “I thought I was all that”, but it didn’t have anything to do with light skin or dark skin. I am a girly girl and have always carried myself with poise and that wasn’t “black enough”. My mom kept my hair together, nails polished and I wore nice clean clothes. I never acted like I was better than anyone else…insecure women with low self-esteem felt that way and that’s wasn’t and still isn’t my problem. I love everybody anyway and there is nothing anyone can do about it. That’s my response to anyone dealing with self-hate issues, I LOVE THEM BACK. I continue to be the change that I want to see in the world.
As an avid traveler, it’s amazing how much race plays a part in the American culture. Europe for instance is so laid back and I love it. No one makes a big deal of interracial couples there. No one makes a big deal of an older woman dating a younger man over there. People don’t make a big deal of Birracial people over there. Women having babies over 40 is not a big deal over there….It’s just no big deal. People just enjoy their lives - THAT’S LIVING!!! I have British, French & Dutch black girlfriends who are dating and when they tell me about the guy they are dating, they never mention race. Race is just not an issue over there and I love it! I do not speak for ALL of Europe, but only from my experiences.
Aliekatt2 & Takinitall my heart goes out to you for having to go through what you went through. You are both beautiful women and everything in life is a learning experience and I’ll assume that your experiences made you each stronger and a better person. Lastly, Hansgruber your post made me laugh and it was true too!
Comment by suprised on 29 July 2009:
Amen DrCourage!
Nandi please forgive my bluntness. I just get sick of how much some of us focus on the disapproval and hatred that is directed towards us on a daily basis. There is not and has never been anything wrong with us! I think that some of us become so tired of the racist pressure we feel from society, that they eventually cave in and internalize it.
I guess after that happens, they attribute all their lives problems to their skin or hair texture. I am always shocked by this behavior, can’t they see how beautiful we are! “Black is BEAUTIFUL.” We are a Beautiful people, with unmatchable variation! I am so proud to be a black woman; I wouldn’t want it any other way.
My mother is Native American and my whole life people have always tried to give me, what feels like a way out of blackness. Like they are doing me a favor….with comments like “Are you really just black? Or “You have such good hair” is this supposed to be flattering? Good hair … What is Good hair? Good hair is the hair that grows out of your head! Who are we always comparing ourselves to?
Why do we have to be less for someone else to feel better? Or why do we become more by making someone else less? Who is this designed to help? Don’t get me wrong I am not ashamed of my mother’s heritage, but my choice is and always has been clear. I am a Black woman! I am brown and in my opinion I look “black” (whatever that means because we are so diverse) but people fight me on it. Like I am missing an opportunity to upgrade myself.
I wish this racist and self haters would read a history book. Blacks and Indians are two groups of people that America has tried to exterminate and deny justice, but unlike most Native Americans, we talk back, make noise and demand justice. We are strong, beautiful and determined! That is why it makes me so mad when we sell ourselves short! We We are just as worthy of happiness and adoration as the next woman. That is why I live my life for me and date whoever the hell I want. “I’m Free!!!!
Comment by Shotgun007 on 30 July 2009:
Prettypepper,
I’d like to respond to “part” of the first few lines of your post dated 07/22, I would assume you are referencing part of what I stated in my post.
I would urge you to read it in its entirety & not place ALL of the emphasis on a few words listed in my blog response.
Let me summarize it again, the topic of this blog is “Breeding Racism.” My previous post specifically addresses the idea of “individual -born-natural-beauty” as opposed to artificial enhancements including bleaching/ambi/skin lightners/etc.
I stated Beyonce and Tyra were already attractive/beautiful women, naturally speaking. Why on earth would they need any form of enhancements to change/alter what they were born with, same with skin complexion?
Case&Point, the women depicted in the video bleach their children, under the “outrageous/weird” misconception that lighter skin is somehow better or more beautiful etc. This is a FALSE reality.
Same thing applies (IN MY OPINION) to those women out there that feel it necessary to permanently change their hair colors or whatever. It is a FALSE sense of reality. If the parents stop bleaching the skin, it goes back to its normal state, if I stop bleaching my hair, the color fades and my hair goes back to its natural color.
God made us the way we are for a reason.
My prayer is that my last and FINAL post on this top has made things clearer.
Shotgun007
Comment by Shotgun007 on 30 July 2009:
Nandi and Miri2008,
What you all similarly posted regarding this website and its blog subjects, I thought for a second I was the ONLY one that noticed it.
I think I’m just gonna stick to my political/financial blogs, I’ve actually learned more.
Thanks for your previous post and insight ladies.
Shotgun007
Comment by NO PLAYER on 30 July 2009:
Nandi, Please!!!!
Like hell the “inner city” doesn’t have a bullying problem! If that’s the case why do kids have to carry knives and other weapons as a means of defending themselves from punks that would take their sneakers or their jackets.
Drug dealers and gangs reap hovac on other dealers and gangsters and those that aren’t involved with drugs and gangs have to deal with the bullys.
Trust me bullying is a problem in the inner city and out in the suburbs.
You stated the fat girl that’s even fatter as an adult, “So, I found her just as laughable as a adult as when she was a child. What is not funny is…She doesn’t even get it.
What’s funny about the faults and defects of other people?
We love to focus on distractions instead of taking care of our business. We are treated badly because we need to get our acts together. We need to focus on building wealth , buying property and taking advantage of being born in the best country in the world!! Stop blaming white people and the media for your low self esteem.”
Nandi, did you really think before you wrote this!
Regardless if I have my act together or not, that doesn’t give people the right to mistreat me. It doesn’t matter how much money or property you have living in the best country in the world, that’s no guarantee that you wont have to deal with sick-ass people!
I’m sure our friend Professor Henry Gates Jr. can vouch for that! LOL
Lord, look and have mercy! LOL
Comment by takinitall on 30 July 2009:
@ Nandi
Very interesting yet contradictory response. I agree 100% that “no one should project their woes of life on others, which is what breeds bullies….” However in the previous paragraph, you write “Funny thing, I have seen that particular girl as an adult, she was a fat kid and she is now an even fatter adult, you can just look at obese people and know, something is wrong…I mean who would eat themselves to death, have no regards for their bodies and health.” What make you an expert on her life? It is not funny and to poke fun at her is just immature and rediculous in my opinion. Also you do not know what her medical history is, so to assume something is wrong with her is very ignorant. Please be advised that there are several thin people who have high cholesterol, diabetes and high blood pressure. Therefore to me, your post implies that you are insecure about something within yourself, which is why you are concerned or amused by this womans weight.
As far as drugs and violence being the major issue in the inner city, they are an issue everywhere. The only difference is more affluent communities cover it up and don’t come into contact with as many social service or law enforcement so it is not publicized. I have several affluent clients who are out there, but because they can afford my service and private attorneys, their business is not made public. The saddest one is an Orthodox Jewish family, where the community knew the husband was beating his wife. Rather than calling the police, they tried to resolve it themselves. Eventually this man killed his wife. I know this is an extreme example, but I use it to illustrate that these communities take pride in “taking care of their own”.
Bottom line is everyone needs to live their own life to the fullest. If we can’t help and support each other, we have no right to talk about them. No one is perfect and God created all of us different and unique.
Comment by Nandi on 30 July 2009:
takinitall
I have never been an insecure person and as far as flip-flopping in my statements..You first assumed I never been bullied? Then you stated ” Well you are right kids who bully others have issues with themselves.” This particularly girl only had issues with slim girls, because of her own issues of insecurity and self-esteem…So, the how and why of her weights is no concern to me, it should only be to her, nor do anyone has to be abused because someone is unhappy with themselves..And if a person is going to bully and talk about others, then they should expect the same in return..It was her choice and well as other bullying to project their misery on others…So yes, She an adult now and still fat and nasty and envious of others…The only one who needs to concern themselves with her medical condition is her, but surely whether its an medical condition or an case of over eating…It still her probem, and she , she not to project it on others. Because, ignorance is not recognizing one has a problem or making excuses for it.. There is plenty of people who are overweight, do not like their own self image and they do something about and the don’t take it out of others…Which is my point bullies never win in the end, except for ending up losers.
BTW, I posted that comment to you, without calling you a name and with respecting your opinions…After all, you did state “Bottom line is everyone needs to live their own life to the fullest. If we can’t help and support each other, we have no right to talk about them. No one is perfect and God created all of us different and unique.
And the part that she did not get…All those girls she bullied because of their weight, did not make her any lighter.
Because you are right, no one is perfect and God created all us different and unique..I guess the problem is getting people to be respectful of that, beit weight, height, looks, religion, sexuality, opinions, etc…
Comment by Nandi on 30 July 2009:
No Player
defending themselves from punks that would take their sneakers or their jackets
Those are all gang related, I would think that sense you profess to talk so much about the hood, you would know that certain tennis shoes and jackets are mark for gang rites and promotion, it is a totally different case scenario than bullying. Bullying is not a criminal act, (so far) because it is mostly words exchanged. Stealing, beating up kids, shooting them are criminal acts and are not classified as bullying. So, I do not get it?????
What’s funny about the faults and defects of other people?
I guess, you should explain that to her…years ago. Funny thing you/yourself labeled her weight as a fault and a defect…
Regardless if I have my act together or not, that doesn’t give people the right to mistreat me. It doesn’t matter how much money or property you have living in the best country in the world, that’s no guarantee that you wont have to deal with sick-ass people!
I’m sure our friend Professor Henry Gates Jr. can vouch for that! LOL
I would think as Black person, you would already know that racism exists and it is not going away..What they cannot take away from Professor Gates, is he education and influence he has worldwide and the multi-races that have come to rally behind him and support him..What does money and education have to do with? I could say have mercy to you, because it is laughable if you think that if it was a average to poor person in America Black or White that they charges would have been dropped…Our whole death penalty system is based on socio-economics, just poor people, many of which through the Innocent Project have been freed though DNA…never would have happened if they had money…That is a fact.
“Sick ass people”, I will agree with that, however because I feel that way…I could careless what they say or their opinion of me..USA is not perfect, but neither is any other country. If you want to focus on what they are saying about you everyday…Go ahead….Not me…I choose to live my life despite of….BTW, I did not write that post, but I agreed to the majority of it…Perhaps you could follow your own advice and think before you write.
I am sure Professor Gates has decided to bring together the races and not let this fester. Surely, you cannot indict the USA or White people for the actions of small remaining group…President Obama election, proves alot of progress has been made, it is a choice to be progressive or not…
Racist people are not sick, they are perfectly aware of how the feel towards others.
Comment by Nandi on 30 July 2009:
suprised
We We are just as worthy of happiness and adoration as the next woman. That is why I live my life for me and date whoever the hell I want. “I’m Free!!!!
Exactly! The rest is jus race-baitng BS, race issues are as just as futile as a dog-chasing its on tail..Dog is exhausted, when all she/he had to d was stop and live their lifes like the hell they want to…But for those who do not believe it…They just put the limitations on themselves.
Comment by surprised on 30 July 2009:
I agree!
Comment by surprised on 30 July 2009:
I appreciate your feedback, but the point I was trying to make about taking care of our business is that it needs to happen. I never implied that it would stop the racism or hatred that is directed towards us, but if you have a life and take care of your business when would you have time to notice or give a damn about what some bigot thinks of you. I have my own business and I am speaking from my own personal experience. I have created my own opportunities and yes I still experience tremendous racism. So What!! I am not broke and begging the white man for a handout. So I do not feel the need to bleach my skin to fit in with him.
God loves and his approval is the only approval I am seeking. I have a blessed life and I understand that all my sucess in life has come from him. Not just me, not white or black people but God!
Comment by surprised on 30 July 2009:
Oh… the last comment I made is directed towards No Player, because Nandi didn’t say those things about “getting our acts together” I did. Thanks!
Comment by 1nohana on 30 July 2009:
@ Nandi.
You are failing to realize that Institutional Racism still plays a part. Even if Gates is a person that had influence, it still pales in comparison to race.
Race is definitive. It’s fallacious to assume that it isn’t - because if it weren’t definitive, why should sites like this exist?
Instead of attributing all of social ills to poverty, really think about what has more of a detrimental effect than just poverty, particularly when gangs are more than just an issue of poverty. Instead of that same tired talk about “Black people need to pull themselves up by the bootstraps,” really EDUCATE yourself in the matter of race. A sociology class, Critical Race Theory or any of Tim Wise’s writings are a great place to start.
—
With that said, I’d like to address the statements about ‘hair’ and ‘blackness’ in here. For a long time, black women’s hair has been the battleground for everyone’s social woes - and it should not be. It’s dictatorial to say that “A woman that gets her hair relaxed is trying to be white.” That’s like claiming that Asians are trying to be white based on hair alone, particularly when the Japanese are the ones that perfected hair straightening - which, surprisingly, does not work on African-American hair. It’s dictatorial to tell a black woman that “If you wear weave, you’re trying to be white” - particularly when white women DO wear weave, and wear it to add more volume to their hair as well as add length. Black women are known for having voluminous hair. By that logic, are white women attempting to be black? Telling a black woman that straighteners are evil is just as crude as telling a black woman that her hair isn’t good enough because it’s worn naturally, or using the “good hair” excuse. It denies black women the choice and decision to do AS SHE WISHES.
Comment by homesteader on 31 July 2009:
Everyones skin color is different , We all eat too little or too much . Each in his or her own way has been Bullied by another in our lives .
Yet , In Our own way we are Perfect for another . Keep looking it shall Happen / Believe .
I personally have known thousands of Fat people , it is knot how much we weigh / it is how we carry ourselves with Pride .
Anorexic skinny from hunger . Still clean and neat . We are all the same as we are all different from each other .
Feed em’ cake .
Comment by Nandi on 1 August 2009:
surprised
Amen, couldn’t agree with you more!!!
1nohana
I also believe that blog room disputes are just as futile and you certainly do not know me, to know what I am aware of…If you want to focus on racism in everything, everyday….That is you.
I could no more care about a racists as I do people who feel that I outta stay focused on it….
Race is definitive. It’s fallacious to assume that it isn’t - because if it weren’t definitive, why should sites like this exist?
The question is why are you here, this is not a site to race bait…..Actually, this site exists for the mingling of non-racists, because we have evolved as a country and this site is here because contrary to your rant…People of different races find Black Women/Men attractive and desirable and wish to establish relationships with them….
Why should you consider one way or another my need to educate myself to your way of thinking…When clearly I do not…So perhaps, since race issues, institutionalized racism etc… is such a concern of yours and a priority in your life…What is wrong with you being you and me being me…Isn’t that what you people want to be “respected” for who and what you are? Because that goes both ways.
I will quote a fellow blogger and then I am done with this issue….
“never implied that it would stop the racism or hatred that is directed towards us, but if you have a life and take care of your business when would you have time to notice or give a damn about what some bigot thinks of you. I have my own business and I am speaking from my own personal experience. I have created my own opportunities and yes I still experience tremendous racism. So What!! I am not broke and begging the white man for a handout. So I do not feel the need to bleach my skin to fit in with him.”
If you cannot understand or respect that, perhaps you should educate yourself….
The rest of your rant on why Black Women change their image, bleach, hair weave etc…I figure that is their perogative, and if it is because they feel less than…Surely, they are not waiting for those “racists” to tell them they are pretty and acceptable… Really doesn’t make any sense…Talk about much to do about nothing…
But here a clue… You will never find validations from people who don’t like you for any reason, if you want to spend your life attempting to get other approval and validation…go for it…But leave me out of it, please.
Comment by takinitall on 1 August 2009:
@ Nandi
We are just going to have to agree to disagree on this one. If that young lady has issues with thin people, then she’s just as guilty as you assuming something is wrong with a overweight persons health. I personally hate when women rag on each other. Which is why I am not a fan of the comedian Monique or Wendy Williams. Since I am secure with my sexuality, I see no need to be concerned with the flaws of other women. I can appreciate my and other women for their beauty. And confidence is the sexiest attribute anyone can have.
Everyone has their preferences in life. Everyone just needs to find the person for them regardless of skin tone, weight or hair texture. I watch people and I love to see couples who society feel doesn’t match (fat woman and skinny man); for some reason they allways look super happy and it’s a beautiful thing. My girlfriend gave me the greatest advice for dating. She suggested I chose one thing I dislike about myself and find a man who adores it. I did just that and I am no longer insecure about my breast.
Comment by Siolav on 1 August 2009:
Just as I am late reading this article on skin bleaching, I think it is about time to address the issues around racism and skin color.Fighting for equal rights was inevitable and we, Black people, should be proud of ourselves for the long hard struggle that has gotten us thus far. Slavery has been in exsistance since the beginning of mankind, but it has been extremely brutal in these United States and in places where the slave masters practiced the most fundamental Christian beliefs. Extreme punishment, sinning, the wrath of God, no dancing, wives as property…I could go on and on. Of course when you hate yourself, your’e going to blame everyone and everything outside of yourself. You are the righteous one. If you are the conquerer, your chattel are baser than you and mere animals and are treated accordingly. How else could human beings be treated in such horrific ways?
Now in the year 2009 we continue to fight for freedom and equality; fighting it from within ourselves. The skin bleaching problem,(and it is a problem), is a carry over from the days when the slave master breeded white and black as well as native to make the house slaves tolerable to be around. This caused the barrier between the house slave and the field slave and the hatred that carries on today. The beating and mistreatment of women and children are also carry overs of these fundamental beiefs if you really look at it.
The time we live in now, especially with a black man as president of the U.S., is a time when we will look at these old wounds and heal them. It will take time, but as always in evolution, we get better and continue on the path of Truth. Calling attention to the skin bleaching was and is a good thing. Good hair and bad hair is another problem. Let’s call attention to all problems of “Psychological slavery”. It’s time to take a real look at ourselves and who we really are.
Comment by NO PLAYER on 1 August 2009:
@ Nandi– I apologize for my mixing up your quote with suprised.
@ surprised– You are on point, with your statement, no disagreemnet here!
Peace!
Comment by Nandi on 1 August 2009:
1nohana
Instead of attributing all of social ills to poverty, really think about what has more of a detrimental effect than just poverty, particularly when gangs are more than just an issue of poverty. Instead of that same tired talk about “Black people need to pull themselves up by the bootstraps,” really EDUCATE yourself in the matter of race. A sociology class, Critical Race Theory or any of Tim Wise’s writings are a great place to start.
I never mentioned “poverty” and critical thinking or a sociology class is a separate issue compared to a moral compass..You want to tie the criminal acts of gangs and drug dealers into racism..There are alot of poor people in the world and US, yet they do no kill, mane other people so they can enrich themselves, because if they do…They are still poor of the worst kind…They are poor minded…
You want to excuse their behavior and the death and destruction they have caused in inner cities and NO Players, want to call killing, selling drugs and maming others Black kids as a bullying problem…So perhaps the problem is people like you and No player…How could you possibly care about “Black people and their ills…If both of you devalue the lifes of Black people along as you can tie into racism..So, I will replace your logic with my own. Thank You
Perhaps you should research what a moral compass is..It is truly a great start…Because it starts and ends with “SELF”.
Comment by 007 on 1 August 2009:
To-Nandi
You made some really valid points. And I’m gonna get off the subject here…sorry….but
Last semester, I took an Organizational Behavior graduate course and we had to write a paper about a given passage that we were assigned to read. My group & I had to defend our position on an article about Africans/blacks in the US treatment vs. Caucasian/white employees. Which included treatment in all walks of life and the difference in reactions to one’s own community of problems.
We used the Critical Race Theory to support our position on how and why perception, individual roles, changes in educational/political/equal rights/ have helped shape entire mindsets and we looked at direct correlations between cause & effect for both races. I’m so glad you mentioned this in your post above.
Yes we deal with perception and race issues almost daily in my opinion, but one of THE most important factors that contribute to community destruction…is lack of self awareness/accountability.
Getting back to the Article Title
I think women and men in general sometimes carry a naïve outlook on what is true beauty but then again, we have Mass Media pushing it down our throats on billboards, magazines, television and everywhere else. So I guess my biggest focus (when I have a child of my own), is to raise that child to know and love themselves first from within. If you notice people with strong inner cores and healthier value systems don’t look to artificial beauty & or to cast blame or fault in others.
A lot of good points were brought out on this board!
Thank you for reading my post!
Comment by onelove on 1 August 2009:
black is beautiful and god made u to be the color he wanted u …. please stop using that stuff ,, beauty is within, character is the direct representation of beauty… there is always someone for someone no matter of our features,, coming from a white man who dates black women because of their color… i hope and pray you beautiful black queens immediately stop this madness…. there is so many other things that make you attractive like conversation,, intelligence,, stop letting society predict who u are… love and put god first above all … onelove
Comment by NO PLAYER on 3 August 2009:
@ Nandi
“You want to excuse their behavior and the death and destruction they have caused in inner cities and NO Players, want to call killing, selling drugs and maming others Black kids as a bullying problem…So perhaps the problem is people like you and No player…How could you possibly care about “Black people and their ills…If both of you devalue the lifes of Black people along as you can tie into racism..So, I will replace your logic with my own. Thank You”
Ok, allow me to defend myself. I don’t know you are where you grew up but I was raised on the Northside of St. Louis, MO.
I’ve delt with bullys and I’ve delt with gangbangers and there’s a difference between the two. One’s a pain in the ass while the other might kill your ass!
For example: THE BULLY wouldn’t kill me for wearing the wrong colored jacket, if he liked the jacket, he’d try and take it, if I let him.
THE GANGBANGER would more than likely shot me for wearing the wrong colored jacket.
I’m far from stuck on stupid,ok! To even think that I would “devalue the lives of BLACK PEOPLE as long as I can tie it into racism”, is a slap in the face to me.
To show how much I do value the lives of BLACK PEOPLE, in 1993 I spotted a US Army recruiter at a stop light and waved him down and 7 weeks later I was on my way to Ft Knox, KY for basic training.
To keep from possibly killing a young BLK male just like me, I joined the army as a means of getting away from that posibility, so I possibly spared the life of THE BULLY and THE GANGBANGER.
I killed three birds with one stone, I may have saved my life, I greatly improved it and I didn’t have to take someone else’s life, so there have you.
NOPLAYER is not part of the problem, I’m a married man, a father, US Army veteran, US Dept. of Defense employee and a supporter of my community, trust me, I’m not “THE PROBLEM”!
Nandi, I’m not into trading low-blows or taking cheap shots at people and as a result, I’ll end this wishing you nothing but PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comment by Nandi on 3 August 2009:
007
Great post…Thank you for your response and you are exactly right…Change starts within and depends of your attitude, character and moral compass. If a person have that, they would never fork the blame on anyone for the direction and status of their own lives. You have choices irregardless…I choose to live my life irregardless to the negativity of this world.
Comment by Nandi on 3 August 2009:
NO PLAYER
Don’t back peddle not and revert to your support system of victim’s mentality….For example your words…
“Nandi, I’m not into trading low-blows or taking cheap shots at people and as a result, I’ll end this wishing you nothing but PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I believe your post to me started and ended like this…
Nandi, Please!!!!
Nandi, did you really think before you wrote this!
You started off with “low blows and cheap shots”…to another person, yet claim you are into doing that..Do tell
You can skip the resume, don’t know, don’t care…However if you one your opinion respected than you have to respect others and skip past the ones you disagree with that would provoke you to “lower those standards of not trading cheap shots” That is what adults do all the time…
For example: THE BULLY wouldn’t kill me for wearing the wrong colored jacket, if he liked the jacket, he’d try and take it, if I let him.
Once again, attempting to steal someone’s jacket is a criminal act, stealing others jacket is a criminal acts, killing them for it, is a criminal act…Once again, Bullying is not against the law..
But, I can tell you are from the hood that skewed logic always backfire and of course it is everyone else fault but themselves….
And if you are so concern about being mistreated, perhaps you could focus on treating others with the same respect you would want for yourself…It really does set a standard for your life…
For example, if you do not like my posts, don’t response and if you have a different view, pose it in a adult and respectful manner. And if you choose not to, don’t cover it up by saying what you don’t do…
To keep from possibly killing a young BLK male just like me, I joined the army as a means of getting away from that posibility, so I possibly spared the life of THE BULLY and THE GANGBANGER.
All that means to me is that you elected to run from the issues of the inner cities, why forcing everyone else to understand and accept it…And preaching about it daily on a blog that is geared towards people without limitations and interracial relationships…Which means you are on the wrong site…
However to each its own…
Comment by ELLIOT on 3 August 2009:
We must look to the intent of each individual to make a determination of whether the bleaching of skin is undertaken as a mechanism to erase racial identity or simply for the purpose of cosmetic grooming. If one seeks to erase a prominent physical ethnic feauture based solely on shame that the ethnic feature would identify the individual as belonging to a certain ethnic group then such a act is undertaken in the mode of self hate and shame of their ethnic group.
In contrast, if an individual seeks to undertake cosmetic surgery solely for the purpose of beautifying their appearance with no ethnic erasing motivation behind their actions then such a consmetic conversion is not racially motivated.
However, their is a degree of ambiguity as to the whole process. The ambuguity comes in terms of how the individual defines beauty. If beauty is solely define by the individual as everything of another ethnic group and nothing of their particular ethnic group then again a race issue beomes present. For example, John states, “My nose it to big I am going to have cosmetic surgery to shorten it.” John intent is not racial based but solely cosmetic based. However, if John states, ” Afican Americans have big ugly noses, therefore; I am going to have cosmetic surgery to change my ugly African American nose” John’s intention is solely race based. The individual who possesses such a mental state has a self hate complex based solely on their ethnic identity.
Man factors play a role in how African Americans in America traditionally viewed skin tone amongst themselves. Slaves of lighter skin tones were oftentimes the product of an interacial sexual encounter sometimes consensual and sometimes by force. A mulatto child upon the traditional European model of the orgin of men classifications was seen as possessing some portion of their European fathers intellectual capacity thus making such a interacial child superior to all noninteracial Africans. Such interacial children oftentimes reeived preferential treatment from their master and sometimes were educated or given the masters old clothing. These children were also oftentimes allowed frequent passes to leave the plantation or travel witht he masters son or daughter when they left for college.
Indeed it is quite easy to understand why slaves of a darker skin texture began to build a resentment towards lighter skinned slaves who received more favorable treatment by European Americans. Misdirecting their anger, oftentimes; darker skinned slaves frequently verbally attacked the lighter skinned slaves as being sellouts or house ni**ers. Many slave masters seeing the loyalty benefit of possessing interacial slaves as trustees over the darker skinned slaves would only allow their interacial slaves to enter into interacial mariages or only breed with other interacial slaves. Thus a class system began to evelop within the slave system of the plantation. This resentment continued post slavery with light ex-slave communities forming post the civil war. Light skinned African Americans would oftentimes refuse admittance to dark skinned African Americans seeking to join organizations, churches, societies, or entertainment events.
This right of reffusal to darker skinned African Americans by light skinned African Americans was oftentimes referred to as the paper bag test. Churches would not allow members to attend their services if their skin tone was darker than a paper bag placed on the ouside of the church door.
Many fathers of light skinned dauhter sought to marry their children off to European American men up north or in Europe in hopes of their daughter producing a child posessing no African features. Such a child was seen as transcending the interacial family into racial acceptance by European Americans. One of the largest and most famous African American burgeoise mulatto socieites post slavey existed in New Orleans.
As African Americans began to flocks to unban inner city centers seeking protection from Klan and other race hatred groups light skinned and dark skinned African Americans were suddenly forced to reside as neighbors in the sprawling urban centers of places like Chicago, New Orleans, New York, DC ect…The lighter skinned African Americans were oftentimes able to obtain bank loans to start black businesses in the African American neighborhood whereas the darker African Americans loan applications were oftentimes rejected. Race did in-fact play a role in the banks decision to lend money to Afican Americans and which type of African Americans to lend the money too.
Lighter skinned African Americas in most cases were put in charge of work details for African American crews at factories in the industrial centers and thus were paid more than their darker skinned counterparts. Higher pay lead to more income thus leadng to better housing and ammenities for lighter skinned African Americans. Therefore, once agian the ommunities began to split and the light skinned African Americans seperated themselves from the darker skinned African Americans setting up their own segregated communities in the urban centers. againt he rise of light skinned only civic organizations, churches, entertainment outings, parties ect… urged on the racial divide between dark skinned and liht skinned.
The civil right movement at large did bring together the light skinned and darker skinned communities allowing them to organize into one solid front. Light skinned African Americans who had long segregated themselves from darker skinned African Americans began to realize that their ability to gain equality in society was only as good as the righs of the darkest African Americans rights. Many dark skinned African Americans put aside their disdain for the lighter skinned counterparts and looked past the history of subjegation and poor treatment by lightr skinned
African Americans.
Post the civil righte movements the introdution of race films (black movies) again brought seperation between light and dark skinned blacks by only casting light skinned women in prominent roles while excluding dark skinned African American women. This media depiction pattern would continue as the mass media exploded over America. BET videos and MTV video oftentimes depict beautiful Africam American women as being light skinned while excluding dark skinned women in leading roles.
To examine the past is how one can interpret the causation of the present or future events. Present sense impressions are immediate responses and individual has to viewing a certain event. Because of the overwhelig influence of media (especially BET) in portraying light skinned women in videos as being desireable for African American men while virtually excluding dark skinned African American women Many African American men have a present sense impression that automatically associates light skin with beauty.
For example is a man from Egypt visited Atlanta Georgia for a month and only watched the News the Egyptian man might only see the overwhelming majority of criminal arrest in Atlanta as being African American. The Egyptian man migh form a present sense impression that associated African American men with criminal activity because that is all he has viewed. However, of you take the same Egyptian man to IOWA and he only sees European American men on the news being arrested for Meth he will associated European American men with drug dealer and addicts. These are present sense impressions which can easily be caused by the media. It does not mean all African Americans are criminals or all European Americans are Meth dealers or users and each individual should be accessed as an individual and not as a group based.
This being said the present sense impressions are currently changing as more dark skinned women are getting receiving jobs as news reporters, announcers, Actors, video dancers and getting more leading roles on ovies and tv shows. With more exposure the present sense impression changes and society begans to lose the foolish notion that skin color is a determination of beauty. African American men lose the outdated belief that the lighter skinned woman grants them a position of status in society. Non-African Americans peoples seeking to date an African American women loose the foolish notion that a darker skin African American women makes for a more authentic dating experience and open themselves to dating light and dark african american women based on the content of their characer and not their skin hue.
Comment by surprised on 3 August 2009:
@Nandi and No Player
You both have made some very insighful comments and I enjoy reading them all!
@Onelove
thanks! Black is Beautiful
Comment by takinitall on 4 August 2009:
No Player,
Great break down of the difference between bullying and gang activity. Keep doing what you do and moving forward.
Nandi,
Bullying is against the law and is illegal and a criminal act. Some states may call it terrorist threats some may call it bullying, but in every state it is illegal. There was a mother and daughter arrested for bullying in Indiana. Here’s the link if you care to read the aticle. I swear it’s crazy as hell. I can provide you with even more states and articles if you like to read about them.
http://www.kare11.com/news/whatsup/whatsup_article.aspx?storyid=511744
Also, every state must have an anti bullying section in their education code and school districts must write an anti bullying policy. I don’t know if you have kids, but if you do check out their schools policy.
You also often reference having a “moral compass”. This is great, but remember “one person’s moral compass may not point in the same direction as another’s as far as right and wrong conduct and belief are concerned.”
No Player and Nandi,
I don’t think No Player “elected to run from the issues of the inner cities, why forcing everyone else to understand and accept it”, I think he chose a different direction to go in life that was best for him. I chose to attend college and move out of the “inner city”. This does not mean I’m running from anything. It simply means I feel more comfortable living somewhere else, since I can. However, I feel it is important for me to give back; I do this by mentoring younger girls, providing scholarships, chose to teach in the “inner city” (when I taught), provide pro bono services for low income families and volunteer whenever I have the opportunity. God has blessed me to reach a point of financial and emotional stability. I promised myself and God that I will do everything in my power to enrich the lives of my children and others. I am thankful that we are able to wake up in the morning and walk to the beach. I am also thankful for my life experiences, which has taught me to appreciate everything even more. Sell out, I am not; I just don’t buy into where I live determining if I am true or not.
Hope I don’t sound to nerdy; but I really don’t care. I don’t know everything, but what I know, I know well! One of the benefits of going to college and experiencing many positive things in life.
Comment by Shotgun007 on 4 August 2009:
I mean’t shotgun007 not just 007, sorry everyone, I guess I was so eager on my previous entry.
Again, another post that makes complete sense and most importantly debates a specific issue/focus. If we look inward instead of outward, maybe some would finally get a clue and realize that it’s a weak position to take when blaming others for your reactions. Although I am aware of some of the challenges certain communities face and can also relate to them, but this goes back to accountability. I cant stress the word enough.
Okay, this is my last post, since I’ve gotten off the subject here.
Shotgun007
Comment by NOPLAYER on 5 August 2009:
@ nandi
” the victim’s mentality” and “I can tell your from the hood that skewed logic always back fires and and of course it’s everyone elses fault but THEMSELVES.”
Just because someone disagrees with “YOUR LOGIC” doesn’t mean they’re wallowing in victimizaton.
It’s not where you were raised but how you were raised! Yes I’m from an all black community that turned into the ” THE HOOD” but my parents didn’t allow me to become “A HOOD”!
Nandi maybe you’re right!
I’ll knock the chip off of my shoulder, put down the 40oz, stop thinking the world owes me something, develope a better attitude, pull myself up by my bootstraps, cast down my bucket where it is, get off government assistance, start going to church on sunday for the service and not a free sunday meal, get a job, stop ducking my babies mamas when it’s time to pay child support, stop blaming white people and good negroes for my problems, and stop playing and spades until 3 in the morning so I can get up in the morning and be on time for my GED class!
With a little hard work and a whole lot of GOD, I can be just like YOU!
Thanks for letting me know there’s hope for me and the rest of us VITIMS from THE HOOD!
Nandi don’t get mad at me I was just trying to give you a good laugh.
Comment by LadyLove1 on 5 August 2009:
In response to No Player’s comments/post: As a black woman, I think No Player seems/sounds terribly angry - even though he signs off on his post with “Peace.” He has “mixed raced” children, and no doubt they’re very beautiful, and most likely “light-skinned.” He seems to be ranting about “Black Power” but has obviously married a Caucasian woman.
I think he has unresolved issues more directed at his own life & blackness. The aggressive tone of his post is borderline militant. Who knows, perhaps he’s in the US military, stationed in Germany? A little ticked that he’s far from the home neighbourhood? That’s the deal when one signs up with Uncle Sam.
No Player may be overcompensating for his and his children’s “blackness” by having an over-abundance of black culture magazines and videos “all over the house.” So where does his children’s German culture come into play? Or does it? He doesn’t mention that at all. Your children are bi-racial No Player. Don’t expect them to be apologetic just because you’re coming to terms with your own blackness et al, or lack thereof. Don’t spoon-feed your kids on being black…it may backfire. Surely, they love their mother as well. Just lead by example, a proud affirmative example. If you’re married to a Caucasian woman today, raising your bi-racial children in absolute freedom, then do the math. Times have changed; it’s a new reality; true love is colorless (it can also be bi-racial). Get over your anger; leave it behind in a healthy way. Move onward and upward for the sake of your children.
You don’t have to petition or raise any flags for your blackness. Just live your life with your loving family and friends - to the best of your manly ability. And don’t expect Utopia; this World is far from “peace, love & understanding.” We humans are who we are, with all of the bigotry, and yes, all of the racism. However, there are people who live on this planet without being shackled to the past. And without necessarily making it public, there are people who lovingly contribute to the good of humankind. People are much busier today, and dealing with much more stress. Being preoccupied by race is truly a sign - in my humble opinion - that one truly doesn’t have a sane life.
As for the bleaching” of ones skin… I think this issue definitely extends far beyond being just skin deep. It may well be a matter more related to ones very soul; a perturbed spirit. Where do you propose we place the root cause, any so-called blame? On parents, family, neighborhoods, schools, communities, banks, health care, law enforcement, bosses, co-workers, corporations, government, country, history, world order? The bottom line is that each person is both responsible and accountable for how he or she perceives the World, how he or she chooses to live his or her life. Let’s just do the best we can, under our own circumstances. There’s no indispensable woman or man - regardless of skin color!
Peace
Comment by Nandi on 5 August 2009:
No Player
Why would you want to be like me and not yourself? hmm…There are plenty of poor people who are Black/White/Asian/ Latino etc…Who manages to be self-sufficient and self-responsible and make it…All poor people do not come from the inner city or public housing etc…
I am not into ghetto politics or stereotypes, however I support your right to your 40 oz
takintall,
I do not do internet posting of resumes, by so far from the government of USA, there is only 15 states with anti-bullying legislations and they are anti-bullying agendas and prevention…That lady was charged with harassment not bullying..
Current state laws on bullying
State Citation
California Cal. Ed Code § 35294.2 (2001)
Colorado Colo. Public Act No. 02-119 (2002)
Connecticut Ct. Public Act No. 02-119 (2002)
Georgia Ga. Code Ann. § 20-2-751.4 (2001)
Illinois ILCS § 105 5/10-20.14
Louisiana La. R.S. 17 § 416.13 (2001)
New Hampshire N.H. RSA 193-F (2000)
New Jersey N.J.S.A. 18A:37-13-18 (2002)
New York NY CLS Educ § 2801-a (2002)
Oklahoma Ok Stat. 70 § 24-100.2 (2002)
Oregon Ore. Laws 617 (2001)
Rhode Island R.I. Gen, Laws § 16-21-24 (2001)
Vermont V.S.A. 16 § 565 (2001)
Washington RCW 28A.300.285 (2002)
West Virginia W.Va. Code Ann. § 18-2C-1 (200
stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/HHS_PSA/pdfs/SBN_Tip_6.pdf
Comment by Nandi on 5 August 2009:
If we look inward instead of outward, maybe some would finally get a clue and realize that it’s a weak position to take when blaming others for your reactions. Although I am aware of some of the challenges certain communities face and can also relate to them, but this goes back to accountability. I cant stress the word enough.
Shotgun…Exactly
And that is no matter what community you live in….
Comment by Nandi on 5 August 2009:
good negroes?
African-Americans have not been called that since the civil rights movement and I believe two many people died (Black and White) for us to be atleast be called Black individually and African-Americans collectively. It is offensive and racists due to the time period in which is was used.
Somehow since you are Black you feel you can call others that name and then talk about “treatment” by whites (In regards to Dr. Gates).
However, let agree that we will always disagree and it is your choice to post a reply to me, the adult thing would be to not….Because “Negroes”…perhaps you consider that okay, but I don’t…Don’t care what color states it. Sorry, I find nothing funny about destructive behavior, it is truly sad.
Comment by Nandi on 5 August 2009:
We humans are who we are, with all of the bigotry, and yes, all of the racism. However, there are people who live on this planet without being shackled to the past. And without necessarily making it public, there are people who lovingly contribute to the good of humankind. People are much busier today, and dealing with much more stress. Being preoccupied by race is truly a sign - in my humble opinion - that one truly doesn’t have a sane life.
Well said LadyLove1
Comment by homesteader on 5 August 2009:
Born caucasion , in a lower middle class family / that taught me how to Work bye the hour and live an Honest Life .
When I graduated high school the wage for washing dishes was $ 1.00 an hour .
Yet , I found a job at a trailer diner and went to work , the one thing that a Hard working dishwasher did have was a Magnificent Meal Everyday .
Color of skin has totally nothing to do with becoming an Adult with dreams of a Better Future / Each in his or her own way has the same choices to make in Life .
Education can make it easier to survive / Alas those who Terriorize , Vandalize ,Steal and make another a Victim in myu case were of my own White color .
Destructive behavior / comes from people who were not taught to Respect all others . Many of these people become Wards of the State . With steel walls and bars to look through .
I have been here at AfroRomance for 7 years now . What Excuses that I read about are always color related .
Become an Adult and Blame the causes on each individual as to how they carry themselves in Daily life .
Criminal actions and problems people with lower Morals have are Self Inflicted . Because they took the wrong turn on the highways of Life .
After calling Law enforcement for help , Many times -the J.P. finally called me and told me to handle it myself as a law was passed to enable Texas Residents to Protect themselves , their families and their Personal Property with Deadly Force if necessary . Without Lawsuits to take what I had worked all my life to Legally Own .
If you are intelligent enough to Operate a computer , Possess the time to do so / then Blaming others for your Faults is a Cop out .
Grow up . As your problems come from your own doing .
Comment by sg on 5 August 2009:
I totally agree with Nandi’s post.
Comment by Shotgun007 on 5 August 2009:
To:Elliott, another excellent post, as ususal!!
Thanks,
Comment by MsdontPlay on 6 August 2009:
Well I must say this is a very touchy situation with me. All of my life people have made statement like”You are pretty to be so black.” When I was you I was just happy to get a compliment standing next to my light skinned friends. It made me feel less than as a person, but it also made me stronger because I knew I always had to be a step above the rest.
Comment by NOPLAYER on 6 August 2009:
@ LadyLove1
It’s not that serious, I was just trying to add some sick humor. I didn’t want folks to think I was making my exchange with Nandi more than what it was.
I’ll stay away from that which humorously profane and stick to that which is more profound.
As far as my family is concerned I keep things balanced without giving into extremes but thanks for the warning.
I appreciate your of concern for my emotional state (I’m serious) but trust me, life has trully been good to me and I’m grateful, so don’t think I’m angry.
@ Nandi you and I may disagree on some things but I respect you and enjoy reading your post, so keep on keeping on!
Best wishes!
Comment by takinitall on 6 August 2009:
@ Nandi,
My post was in response to your previous posting on August 3 that you wrote “Once again, attempting to steal someone’s jacket is a criminal act, stealing others jacket is a criminal acts, killing them for it, is a criminal act…Once again, Bullying is not against the law..”. As far as the article it was bullying (clearly states it even in the title)! Regardless of what other states may call it (harrassment, terrorist threats intimidating, etc) as I stated before it’s Bullying and is illegal. Thanks for the extra links I will add them to my favorites, I’m sure I will need them again!
Thanks for confirmining my information that bullying is against the law!
As far as being called a “Negroe” it’s funny because I hear it quite frequently. Which is ironic as I live in California; and one would think you would here it more in the South. The word Negroe has many forms that it is used today such as Nigga, Nigg, Negroid, Negra, Negro. True story, when I was learning spanish and someone said to me “el chico negro pequeno”, I thought they were being disrespectful. But once I learned the translation was “the little black boy” I was ok.
@ Lady Love1
Please help me to understand what does No Players babies have to do with his opinions on “being black”? His babies are still considered black to society. Look at Tiger Woods, Halle Berry, Alicia Keys and Barack Obama all bi racial people, still categorized as “black”. No Player doesn’t seem angry to me. He is simply stating his opinions and defending them with his own personal experiences. After all this is a inter racial dating website so I don’t think anyone here is super militant. I think he is proud and confident to be black as all of us should be. The problem is so many of us are under the illusion of inclusion, and he simply has not forgotten that he is still a Black man regardless of who he’s married to or lives. To me some of the women here seem angry in their posts, but maybe they are just very strong writers! Besides I believe No Players last response was being sarcastic and facetious to Nandi’s post to him.
@ Homesteader
Your post bewildered me, until I got to the part about Texas allowing you to defend yourself using deadly force. Wow! I’m moving to Texas!
You know I just though about something. For years Micheal Jackson denied skin bleaching and said he had vitaligo. Now that he’s past away, it’s been revealed that he used bleaching cream to even out his skin from the vitaligo. Melanin is our natural sun block and protectant. If we bleach our skin, we are opening ourselves up to harmful UV rays that could cause aging, burning and skin cancer. I throw this out there in response to the comparison of bleaching to hair weaving. I’m not a cosmetologist, but I don’t think a weave can cause harm to your health. Is vanity or acceptance worth dying for? As I stated in my initial post, I worry for the babies in this segment. Their sensitive skin, being exposed to such harsh chemicals, and not to mention the emotional abuse.
Comment by NOPLAYER on 6 August 2009:
@ ELLIOT- Great insight into the historical context of this problem.
Most people don’t wont to dig into the history of this issue and many will say, ” what does that old slavery history have to do with today?”
You don’t look into history to get stuck into, it’s about gaining understanding.
Before you can get to the heart of problem you have to look into it’s history, doctors prior to treating you will look into your medical history, even a good mechnic will inquire about the history of the propblem with your car.
I think people tend to over look their OWN contribution to this color madness. Look at how some of us as adults perpetuate this drama with our own children or those we know.
“I can’t stand her yellow ass”, “he’s always late with his black ass”, “I love a fine chocolate man” or “she’s a fine redbone!”
Look at the negative or the positive comment that’s place and then followed up by reference to the color of the person.
Kids pick up on this before they ever learn to dissect the messages that are on tv and in the print media.
What good it’s it to teach them to value and love the color of their own skin when they hear us berate or compliment others while tying it into skin color.
As parents we must not only be on guard against these outside forces but we must police ourselves and our words and make sure we don’t poison the kids with this mess and it is a mess!!
Once again good post ELLIOT!
Comment by homesteader on 6 August 2009:
takinitall ; Seriously / This is an Inter-racial site designed with the intension of pairing up people of different Heritages .
Everyone seems to be spending alot of time complaining about lack of Privilage due to color of skin .
People / Adults are judged in everyday life mostly for their Actions and Reactions to others in Public Forums .
Not being a Historian , with the proper Degrees in order to Quote exact dates and Names of those who Labored so Hard to bring brought forth the Changes that We as American Citizens Enjoy Today .
I speak as an Individual who was Fortunate to find a Wife here at AfroRomance .
150 years ago + or - Laws were starting to change for All people to Enjoy the freedoms Granted by Being born Human Beings .
My opinion ; Is that by throwing History books back in the classrooms were they belong and Attempting to Live in the Present day that shows Great Changes in Society .
And looking for a Bright Future is where we should be .
Crying over Spilth Milk and in doing so / Avoiding to Clean it up immediately . Seems to be the work of Lazy people .
Born ; White , I was shown no more easy life than any other person .
I married a Ladie with Chocolate Brown skin because it was my Choice .
Many I have Known for years did knot approve of My choice in the Beginning of Our relationship . By watching Our Happiness Together for the past 28 months . Many of these people have Learned that We did knot get Married to make them Happy and they have changed in their Actions toward Us .
Others / who We have met over this time have always seemed Comfortable to Enjoy the Changes we have shown together as a couple in Love .
This site was knot Designed for constant Complaining about Different colors of Skin .
This site was Designed in order to bring Happiness to Women and Men , who have the Intelligence to Realize in their Own Minds that Human Beings were indeed all born Equal .
Comment by homesteader on 6 August 2009:
Mr. Jackson was a Man who did many Great things for many people .
Please allow those that judged him wrongly in his life to Throw the first stone if they themselves were without Fault.
May God Bless him .
Comment by WhiteanPrd on 6 August 2009:
WTF
Comment by WhiteanPrd on 6 August 2009:
Well, well a Nigga convention (just joking)…I find as a White male this dialogue both amusing and offensive to all the White people who have been beat over head with not calling Negroes, Niggaz and any other term that might hurt their feelings or risk being fired and or labeled a racist.
Funny how Negroes talk about moving forward yet continuously break out the victim/racism card at leisure. I remember distinctly a couple of months ago when a parody on Obama of “Puff the magic Negroe”, hit the airwaves and everyone hollered racism and White people are hindering the success of racial tolerance. Perhaps those Negroes/Niggas could come read this blog and call a spade a spade. After all, these same Negroes did not spare Bush.
Well since this is an interracial dating site, I will add my own opinion. Noplayer, I thought you people did not like stereotypes? Even though what you said was truth and definitely quite a few of Black Males/Females lives that life. Which is why I think it is wrong for White people and others to have to pick up the tab via prisons, drug rehabs, and welfare for your children, AIDS etc…
And now your magic Negro president wants to force health care down our throats, because Black people are leading the obesity and related diseases that is costing others Americans with insurance 200 billion a year. Once again we must save silly Negroes from themselves. Because being fat is a choice, just like believing you are Nigga is a choice. Oh that’s right for others it is a choice, for Negroes it is an medical problem, brought on my overeating and lack of exercise and to many 40ozs and of course racism. You know we can not pick on the morbidly obese and obtuse simply because they are Black.
If you want respect you should act respectable, or perhaps you could go back to Africa- a genocide awaits. Especially since all the mending we have tried and succeeded to make things right, even with a African-American president, you are still whining.
I could careless about your history because I did not have anything to do with it and quite frankly you are not the only people who have been enslaved, so get over yourself or not. Why would you bring that to an interracial dating site? Unless you have another agenda? Blogs are often filled with trolls this site is for people who are willing to move past the past, you want to spend it alienating others races/ethnic groups by racial slurs, stereotypes and epithets. Because if we White folks agree, we are racists of course.
Elliot, perhaps you should start your own blog for issues concerning Blacks in America, since that is all you talk about the difference and, history not common ground amongst the diversity in America
Takintall, I looked at your profile and you are exactly what I was preferring too, morbidly obese, I find it hard to believe someone as educated and positive about life, could not see the negativity and shortness of your own life. Why be an burden on society’s individual income and a heart attack waiting to happen? Negroe and nigga is not a term used in the South more so than California. After all, California has the highest amount of hate groups in the USA. I guess it is always best to check yourself before making unfounded and uneducated guesses. I was born and raised and still live in the South and the only thing we have down here is an abundance of fat Black people draining our economy. I guess that wasn’t politically correct. I notice you mention God a lot, nothing you have posted reflects a relationship with God and gluttony is a deadly sin. I cannot see why White man on this site would want to date you.
I guess change do start with self! In the South, we have a past and a horrific one. However we have move forward with lessons learned and stirring the pot is not progress. Funny how the South gets blame for everything. Yet, the crime waves, racial attacks etc…are mainly in the Northern States, and let’s not forget the LAPD and Rodney King. So stereotyping the South? I thought that is what racists do. Oh, I forgot that only pertains to White Americans. Negroes cannot be racists and we should ignore their childlike behavior and own racism.
Now please do not be offended, it was just my opinion.
I notice it always the same three Negroes, shuffling along on this site offending most in their wake with racist rants and useless diatribe. If it was left up to me, I think the rest of the world should send Black Males back to Africa they can even take their Aunt Jeminas/Mamies with them and we marry the hot Black Chicks. I think that would end racism and Elliot could enlighten his own in Africa to the history of selling their own and still killing each other, No player, could entertain them with a minstrel show and the fat girl could cheer them on.
But I do appreciate the opportunity to participate in such a progressive, open and honest conversation without be labeled a racist.
Be Breezy Negroes
Comment by LadyLove1 on 7 August 2009:
@takinitall,
You asked for understanding/clarification on some of my comments.
Re: “What do No Player’s babies have to do with his opinions on being black?”
He’s their father. (And thank God they have a strong black man as a role model; one who’s present in their daily lives.) Naturally, a parent’s views and philosophies contribute to shaping the lives of their children. No Player mentioned how he “keeps Ebony, Essence and Black Women’s magazines all over the house…keeps movies of positive [black] content…no matter who doesn’t think they’re beautiful, as their father, I do and the hell with what others may think!” I’d say this shows that his children remind him, inspire him, compel him to positively reinforce both his and their blackness on a consistent basis. They’re simply interwoven and as a father, he also wears the hat of an educator - based on his “opinions, beliefs & experiences.” And yes, with regard to him “being black”, I certainly believe his children influence the expression of his heart-felt convictions.
Re: “His babies are still black to society.”
Members of so-called “society” who see his children (based solely on mixed-race skin tone) may think they’re Hispanic, Native American, Mediterranean, or Arabic for all I know! We [society] always seem so quick to judge because we have a tendency to stick with what’s safe, what’s familiar, more comfortable, easier to identify or comprehend with common labels. And the minute we color outside of the lines…
Blacks, on the other hand, will see his children and immediately claim and frame them as being black. So I guess it all depends on which “society” you refer to. I’m not American, however, in 2000, the US Office of Management and Budget presented Census respondents with the option to mark one or more races on the questionnaire to indicate their racial identity - a race either alone or in combination with one or more other races. Does the OMB consider this progress by allowing the individual to label themselves as opposed to giving continuing free reign for “society” to do so? It certainly demonstrates some type of reconsideration, change in definition and/or labeling on the part of the US government. Who knows if Tiger, Halle, Alicia, President Obama, or my own biracial daughter (who lives in the US) filled out one of these revised questionnaires? And if they did/do, who knows if they won’t be tempted to claim all of their pieces of the biracial pie? Attitudes change, they’re altered - one individual at a time. And again, who knows if “society” will evolve to the point of live-and-let-live. Of course, we can only hope to progress that far. In another lifetime perhaps.
Re: “After all, this is an inter-racial dating website, so I don’t think anyone here is super militant.”
“Militancy” is termed as aggressive engagement or combativeness; warfare. It’s surely not exclusive to any particular race. I expressed it as a fixed attitude, not a fixed racial profile. I definitely don’t think the word “militant” is reserved for one specific ethnicity! I don’t know the people blogging on this site and I wouldn’t be so pretentious as to presume someone among them is “super militant.” (Nor am I.) I’m not privy to what axes people may or may not have to grind. When I referred to “militant” in the blog, it was regarding comments made and my personal perception of them. I wasn’t hurling insults at a total stranger. (These are simple blogs/opinions after all - not gospel.) It was not my intention to “attack” No Player with my comments inciting him to feel a need to, as you wrote, “defend his personal experience.”
Albeit, I must say, the original question “Beauty or breeding racism?” is a far cry from what I consider “inter-racial dating” scene material. I’m not the webmaster, I simply accepted the invitation to share my humble opinions.
Re: “I think he [No Player] is proud and confident to be black as all of us should be.”
I didn’t infer that he wasn’t proud to be black. Honestly, I don’t assume to know him personally. And with regard to “confidence”, again, does it have anything to do with race - or gender, sexual preference or religion for that matter? Why even factor in race? I certainly can’t speak for “all black people”, but in my view, confidence relates to ones personal, emotional, professional and spiritual journey/fabric/well-being. It’s a life-enhancing quality sought after by people worldwide - all colors of the rainbow.
Re: “The problem is so many of us (I’m assuming you’re referring to people of African descent) are under the illusion of inclusion…”
Wow! Inclusion in what, where, when, why, how? This is much too broad, too illusive, to even attempt a response. Too many parameters, definitions, extreme limits, layers, too many paradigms, etc., etc.
And finally re: “He simply has not forgotten that he is still a Black man regardless of who he’s married to.”
Quite frankly, I seriously doubt if No Player ever “forgets he’s black.” As long as there are mirrors around, he’ll see his reflection - literally and figuratively. Come on. Really. I’m not insulting anyone’s intelligence with a hook like that. We can’t even go there because there simply is no forgetting! But I will go out on a limb and say that I don’t believe he contemplates “being black” 24/7.
takinitall…I don’t consider myself an “angry black woman.” Anger for any extended period of time is extremely detrimental to ones health, happiness and evolution. And it doesn’t do much for dating either.
Peace
Comment by NOPLAYER on 7 August 2009:
@ takinitall - thank you very much!
I was only trying to be a smart-ass and funny at the same time. I had no idea that someone would read that much into it and begin pyschoanalyzing me.
After reading that, I was ready to call Dr. Phil my damn self! She had me scared for a minute! LOL
I trully believe she meant no harm, so it’s all good.
@ LadyLove1
I know my sarcastic rant may have left me wide open for your response but in all fairness, I don’t think my first posting on this topic gave you much room to make the assumtions that you did about me and how I might be raising my children.
As a BW I’m sure you know how it feels to have people make assumptions about you when they don’t even know you.
Now to the point!
I hold on to my cultural roots not because of some of the things YOU mentioned, but for the sake of staying grounded.
Living day to day in this crazy world has a way of slowly eroding your cultural foundation. Sometimes living in a foreign land, working around other people from various cultures, being treated as a representative of your ethnic group instead of a person can be a bit too much at times and being firmly rooted in your culture can be of support.
Being culturaly grounded affrims you, it protects you from other people’s definition of who you are and it allows you to sing YOUR SONG regardless of where you are or who you’re with.
As far as being maried to a white woman and ranting about BLACK POWER, maybe SELF POWER would have been a better choice of words but I was talking about black folks that need to tap into their own inner power that comes from there black selves.
Maybe some feel as a BM married to a WW I shouldn’t “GO THERE” but I believe it’s possible to be married to a WW and still be unapologetically BLACK!
Since this is a an IR site I’ll close with some IR food-for-thought:
Loving someone shouldn’t mean losing your identity or apologizing for being who you are. True love allows the both of you to SING TOGETHER while maintaining your INDIVIDUAL HARMONY!
As always, “no offense taken and hopefully none given!”
Comment by homesteader on 7 August 2009:
Noplayer ; in the 1980’s a friend of mine called me one Night from the Great State of Louisiana .
He said to me ” If you are not doing anything this evening , You need to drive over here and help me / As I am alone with Three High Yellows that would like to meet you . ”
People have been called many Names by others over the ages / Knot all these Names are used with any Disrespect toward others .
As a child being Bullied by other Children on occasion , I myself felt badly when a group would carry on with Pollock Jokes to irratate me .
After watching these same children years later being thrown into the back seat of the City Police Cruisers / I myself would Thank God that I had not taken the same route that they did .
A female co-driver of mine along time ago told me that I should quit smoking as My skin was developing a Yellow tint . This did not do anything to me , other than Help me to quit Smoking .
Last week after Blood tests which I have been periodicly taking for 9 years since my Heart attack . My Doctor advised me that I was showing Borderline Diabetes in my recent testing .
This being the first time he had said this to me , I thought about what changes that I had made in my diet .
Suddenly ; All the sodas and chocolate covered cashews that I have recently started to consume / came to mind .
On my next visit for testing / I hope that by avoiding these treats that my Blood Sugar will stabilize . No one can do this for me Save Myself .
I can Blame no one else for my Bad Eating habits / Alas I am able to change them myself . Is this not what intelligence is about ? Learning my life is controled by My own actions and knot Blaming others for Faults that I myself have Caused .
History is What was / knot what Shall be . We must grow with the Changes in Life / Not constantly Repeat our own Mistakes .
Comment by 1nohana on 7 August 2009:
“I never mentioned “poverty” and critical thinking or a sociology class is a separate issue compared to a moral compass..You want to tie the criminal acts of gangs and drug dealers into racism..There are alot of poor people in the world and US, yet they do no kill, mane other people so they can enrich themselves, because if they do…They are still poor of the worst kind…They are poor minded…”
And this is why I’m seriously aware that you actually DON’T get it. Racial bias still plays a massive part when it comes to poverty. In addition, you so willingly ignore the multitudes of other gangs that exist. You’re even comparing BULLYING to GANGBANGING as if it were one and the same. And law, my dear, is part of my area of study. Bullying is QUITE against the law. That can constitute assault and/or battery.
In addition, who is to say that your morality is better than anyone elses? When people are poor, they have to ADAPT because they resources that you or I have is limited to non-existent for them. America has never been a “Pull yourself up by the bootstraps” sort of society. Don’t presume to think otherwise. Privilege has more of a bearing in the US than mere “hard work” - as evidenced by the amazing amount of hard working people that are poor. This is not a meritocracy, and attempting to confer morality as some sort of universality is pretentious on your part.
“You want to excuse their behavior and the death and destruction they have caused in inner cities and NO Players, want to call killing, selling drugs and maming others Black kids as a bullying problem…So perhaps the problem is people like you and No player…How could you possibly care about “Black people and their ills…If both of you devalue the lifes of Black people along as you can tie into racism..So, I will replace your logic with my own. Thank You”
Your logic, simply put, is fallacious. You’re speaking for your own personal opinions and stating that all others who don’t have it are devaluing the black experience. Is the black experience somehow monolithic to you? It’s as diverse as any other set of people. Some have it easier, some are able to make their way out of the ghetto, some are unable to due to poverty that neither you nor I could fathom, everyone’s situation is different. But you have stated, time and time again, that basically it’s the problem of that person to not get out of the ghetto - which is one of the victim-blaming mentalities that I get entirely sick of. However, you fail to realize that poverty, racism and sexism ARE linked. To ignore one is to ignore the other.
You are FAR from the morality police, as am I. Don’t delude yourself into thinking that your way of thinking is so much more superior than anyone else’s.
Comment by miri2008 on 8 August 2009:
Well I hope ‘Ria’ is somewhere quite pleased with ‘herself’ that her insightful and inspiring blog topic has served its full purpose in having someone like ‘WhiteanPrd’ make his bileful comments of August 6th. Thanks ‘Ria’ - you’re the best!
@WhiteanPrd, get over yourself. Nah, never mind, you don’t need to… when you come down from the high of inhailing your selected drug of the illusion of superiority you will simply find the reality that you are trying to escape… You will go to work, and you will find that you will be reporting to me, a ‘black’ woman… LOL
Really… no need to respond… I never engage in a battle of wits with unarmed persons…
Comment by nandi on 9 August 2009:
You are FAR from the morality police, as am I. Don’t delude yourself into thinking that your way of thinking is so much more superior than anyone else’s.
The moral police is law enforcement, judical system and our penal system, for which I do not belong to. Of course everyone’s moral compass is different ..Delude myself? I don’t get that and I am sorry if my words and opinions make you feel inferior. Actually, you beef is with someone bigger than I…Normally, I don’t do history lessons. But, I going to go with God’s words on this..
When he freed the Jews from Pharoah and Egypt and the Jews started to enslaved, steal, drugs, murder, rape each other. Yep, God flung down the 10 commandments and told them explicitly that if you do not live by my rules you would die from them, too bad they relied on excuses/victim mentality to excuse their own behavior.Because God not only sent they wandering the desert for 40 years, God also sent down plagues and killed majority of them, why only 2 of the original Jews that fleed Egypt ever made into the promised land…I guess God doesn’t accept excuses neither, oh well it is something you get or don’t. Perhaps you could explain to God why that was unfair to the Jews, since they were victims of 1000 years of slavery. Even though their were freed and God battled the Egyptians for them and gave them a land of their own.
Too bad those Jews did not realize that it was their unrighteous living that cast those plagues upon them. Not Pharoah or the Egyptians.
So, I am going to keep boot strapping my way through life that God gave..not men. I will continue to hold myself accountable for my own actions..Since on my judgement day, I will be responsible for myself, my own actions and words.
I do not ignore anything, however speaking of the Good Book, it is filled with war, slavery, ethnic cleansing etc..God never said life would be fair but I do love the options he and his son have given me.
And since, I am going to stand on my own on judgement day, I will continue to go by God’s word that I will be held accountable for every action/reaction and word I have spoken..Trust, I will take responsiblity for myself irregardless to the ills of this world that God himself said we would have to face.
I will also continue to have love and compassion for all that God has created no matter the color of skin, because throughout the injustices of this world. Plenty of plenty no matter the color/race/ethnic group has united to bring humanity to inhumane occurences..That will crop up from time to time.
This have become a futile debate, I am done.
Comment by homesteader on 9 August 2009:
Noplayer : I got confused / May I take this time to Ask ?
You quoted ” I hold on to my cultural roots not because of some of the things you mentioned , but for the sake of being grounded .”
Don ‘t Forget / Everyone is an Individual - who has to Daily perform the same acts in order to Enjoy this Life .
Please allow me to Help . Try to retain your memory thru Good Eating Habits and tomorrom when you look in the mirror / You will be the same person you were yesterday - Older but the same Individual as When I look in my mirror I shall say to myself ” See you Tomorrow .”
My question ” for the sake of being grounded ?”
Excuse Me : People will do as they wish , that is Their Right to Life . As far as the Original Blog Topic is Concerned .
Comment by Jazz ! on 9 August 2009:
when i think about this topic i think about the most talented singer of alltime king of pop who past this July , R.I.P Micheal .Some time i cant comprehend what will make ah person do what they do but there are so many outside an inside influences i cant begin to emagine but all i know i’m black an thats how god made me an wont have it any other way , cause i beleive once ah man loses his color he loses his streng to cope with the trials an tribulation that maybe thrust apon him or her . As black we are strong from thew begining of time an these women in that clip on have been psycologicaly been defeated by society .
Comment by takinitall on 10 August 2009:
Wow this is really getting funny and silly at the same time.
@ Whiteanprd
Next time read the post (assuming you can read)completely before responding. Thank you for also viewing my pics and providing me your opinion. Although you may find me “morbidly obese” or “find it hard to believe someone as educated and positive about life, could not see the negativity and shortness of your own life.” I am content with myself and enjoy my life; thanks for noticing that I am educated and positive about life. Oh besides you didn’t post your pic, which makes me wonder how attractive are you that you are afraid to show your face. I may not be attractive to you and you “cannot see why White man on this site would want to date you”, I’m actually dating a white man who I met on this site which is why my profile is hidden. Nevertheless, I appreciate your feedback and honesty of your opinion. Only thing I’m wondering is why are you on an interracial dating website, it doesn’t seem like you care too much for people of color? Your ethnocentricism is very vibrant in your writing.
Thank you so much for sharing your true feelings. However, I’d like to point out that if you actually read my response you will notice I agree that California has much more hate attacks than the south. Here’s my quote “As far as being called a “Negroe” it’s funny because I hear it quite frequently. Which is ironic as I live in California; and one would think you would here it more in the South.”
@ ladylove1
Thank you for your lengthy reponse and clarification to your comments directed at NoPlayer. You stated that you are not angry, this is good! However, you seem to be a very strong writer :0. Why disect everything and attempt to invalidate my response, when you are only confirming them. Please compare your post from 8-5 to your recent post on 8-7 and maybe you will see what my concern was. I’m with No Player, I’m going to see Dr. Phil :).
@ Homesteader
Once again your posts has confused me. But my comment to you was not in agreement or disagreement. I was actually thanking you for sharing the law in Texas about self defense.
Comment by covergirl123 on 10 August 2009:
Colorism can be defined as the practice of placing value on skin tones, with a preference for lighter skin. This behavior pervades the mentality of many cultural societies to such a large degree that many of us have become desensitized to it, and even have come to accept it as part of our own way of thinking.
African American writer Maya Angelou comments on this issue in her book “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings”. The narrator says: “Wouldn’t they be surprised when one day I woke out of my black ugly dream, and my real hair, which was long and blond, would take the place of the kinky mass Momma wouldn’t let me straighten? My light-blue eyes would hypnotize them”
Why is it that our society has this disturbing “color stuck” obsession? One factor comes from the enslavement of Africans, who were subsequently shipped out of Africa into the US and the Caribbean. Sexual relations between white masters and black slaves resulted in mixed children who bore more Caucasian features than other slaves, like a lighter skin tone and straighter hair and noses. These individuals were favored over darker slaves because they could “pass” for white, and were thus given more opportunities for education and to climb the social ladder. Thus the message black men and women learned was that European features were more desirable and were synonymous with social status and beauty. We still share this message today.
However, colorism is more an issue within a racial or ethnic group, rather across racial groups. With colorism, people discriminate against their own people, by valuing lighter skin over dark skin. Look at any catalog, magazine or television commercial featuring an African American woman, and usually she will have a light skin tone, and straight hair, or that “nice” curly hair that is unlike the kinky texture most African Americans have. Watch those BET and MTV music videos. They feature such a high percentage of light-skinned video dancers that it’s almost a shock to see a woman with mocha or chocolate colored skin tones. Look at the Latino soap operas, where most of the star actors and actresses have European features and do not really represent the diverse range of features that the Latino population possesses. In many Asian cultures, people who have lighter skin are thought to be of a higher class, because they do not have to work in the sun, which would give them darker skin.
This practice of colorism has affected our mentality so much-to the point where in our societies, young girls cannot wait till they’re old enough to relax their hair chemically (to make it straighter). To the point where some individuals have “light skin” as part of their criteria for choosing a mate. To the point where skin bleaching creams have become a standard item in the cosmetic bags of many women.
Colorism. If you’ve never thought about it before as a problem, now is a good time to analyze how hurtful it can be to young women of color. It creates serious divisions among us, and can create a negative self-perception for those who aren’t born with the “right” skin tone and features. We all need to recognize colorism for what it is- a superficial, divisive, and destructive mindset. And if we can break that mentality within ourselves and refuse to reinforce it in our societies, then we can break the cycle of passing this practice on to future generations…and maybe one day soon colorism itself will be a legacy of the past.
Comment by Co_Co_Latte on 10 August 2009:
I understand about not feeling beautiful because of an attribute that you cannot control because that is how you were born. As I grew up I was teased and called ‘big nose’ because my face hadn’t grown into my nose yet. If someone called me pretty or beautiful as a young adult I never believed it because of the teasing I had endured for so long as a child. I was in my 20s before I believed in my own beauty. I accepted my nose and never had a nose job because I felt it wouldn’t be natural. I do understand that our society treats lighter women better but I also know dark skinned women who are beautiful and stunning and gifted and talented. We cannot honor the ignorance in others. We have to honor the beauty within and without and not concern ourselves with the world. To mutilate yourself out of concern for what someone else thinks about you is sad to me. These women on Tyra’s show are damaged and they are damaging their children. It is so sad.
Comment by ELLIOT on 10 August 2009:
Wow! That is about the most ignorant interpretation of the biblical scripture I have read since the Third Reich Diaries on he history. The author in her anti-semetic rantings seeks to castigate the Jewish people by saying, “Too bad those Jews did not realize that it was their unrighteous living that cast those plagues upon them. Not Pharoah or the Egyptians.” As a person of Jewish descent I have hear similar rantings such as the authors before. I comes from a very simple minded understand of religious theology. Perhaps the author might want to put down her weekend warrior Benny Hen Sunday School books and actually seek formal trianing in theology before making what amounts to Nazi rhetoric during WWII.
Comment by nandi on 10 August 2009:
“I comes from a very simple minded understand of religious theology”.
Yes, you do, see I agree with you. Since you are of Jewish heritage, are you spending equal time spewing your simpled minded understanding or back to your stalking?
It is a good thing the Jews learned from their mistakes and grew strong both here and in Israel? I guess they don’t prescribe to the victim mentality…Perhaps you can have a talk with your kinfolk.
Perhaps you could un-concern yourself with my posts or weekends and do whatever it is that you do, you know when you are not stalking me.
I guess this is the part where you remove your picture and post back with the same name in a spew.
Like name calling and other unmanly qualities. LOL
Comment by homesteader on 11 August 2009:
Knowledge is to be Shared , Enjoyment is just part of Livimg .
Comment by treacle09 on 12 August 2009:
In this article from the Independent Newspaper printed back in 1997, talking about British Black women using skin lighter.
[QUOTE]
The lighter the better?
As Naomi Campbell speaks out about racism, Dawn Daniels (left) reveals how more young black women are using skin lighteners to achieve the fashionable pale-skinned look
Sunday, 13 April 1997
Skin lightener has always been available in one form or another, but there has actually been an increase in its usage in the past few years, especially among young black women.
….
Elaine, a 22-year-old sales assistant from Manchester, who has been using these creams for more than a year, puts it bluntly. “I use it to be more popular. Everyone knows that in the black community, lighter skin is considered more attractive by a lot of people.” Alison, 20, is a politics student. She doesn’t use skin lighteners herself, but confirms Elaine’s point. “It’s mixed-race girls who get all the attention - this isn’t jealousy, it’s a fact. A lot of black men like light-skinned girlfriends, because white is still seen as successful, and the closer you can be to that ideal, the better. And because a lot of young black men are now pretty reluctant to have relationships outside their own race because of being criticised, they go out with light-skinned or mixed-race girls instead.”
Erica, a 19-year-old student, experienced this first hand. “I went on holiday to Barbados a few years ago with my twin sister, who is lighter than me, and men were always chatting to her, telling her how good-looking she was. They assumed she was a model and complimented her on how pale she was. I was totally ignored. I was really surprised.”
The health risks are well documented, but many women appear to be unaware of them, or are perhaps prepared to ignore them to achieve the “valued” look. Jessica, 24, says she would not even let herself go out into the sun, because she was so terrified of her skin darkening. “I know it seems really silly now, but at the time I was obsessed with being pale. I knew quite a few light-skinned black women who were always popular and successful and never had a shortage of boyfriends. Now I’m left with skin that is patchy and flaky and I don’t think it will ever recover.”
Many women who use skin lighteners believe it has changed their lives - although this could have as much to do with an increase in their confidence as the lightness of their complexion. Sarah, 25, an unemployed graduate, used cream with a dangerously high hydroquinone content of eight percent for more than two years. “At first it was great,” she says. “I was asked out a lot more and was also promoted. But then my skin started to go darker, no matter how much I used it, which, by this stage, was about three times a day. I also began to mix different brands, so it became difficult to apply make-up, because it would slide off my face after a few hours.” But Sarah’s problems didn’t stop there. “Not long ago, I went to have a make-over done and the sales assistant asked me whether I’d ever used skin lightener. I denied it, but she knew, because she said there were tell-tale signs - such as dark and light patches and the texture of my skin was thinner. Now I can’t wear make-up or expose my face to the sun. A dermatologist told me my skin is permanently damaged. My skin won’t absorb anything, not even moisturiser.”
Esther, a 30-year-old student, used skin lightener when she was very young, growing up in a white neighbourhood. “I felt so isolated, I just wanted to look like all my white friends. I straightened my hair and started to use the cream and it wasn’t long before that they began to notice. They seemed to be quite pleased that my skin was getting lighter, I was happy because they always complimented me on my colour, although looking back, I probably looked ridiculous. When I went to college, I started to hang out with other black people and realised I didn’t need to look paler. I also grew out my straightened hair and grew dreads instead.”
Some people think that users of skin lightener only have themselves to blame when things go wrong, because they don’t have a sense of their own identity and are too quick to accept a Westernised look. Women of African Caribbean origin who do something as simple as straightening their hair are especially singled out for criticism. “Many black people still have the slave mentality, you know, we’re the underdog and always will be,” says Jen, 24, an African Studies graduate. “Even during slavery, light- skinned slaves were always played off against the darker ones. Look at all the black stars who have had plastic surgery on their noses and lips to make themselves look more acceptable and won’t even own up to it.”
Sarah adds: “It also doesn’t help that loads of black men are going out with white women. It says to us, you’re no use because you’re black. I know that’s not the only reason, but that’s the message a lot of black women are getting.”
Whether people are prepared to admit it, an unofficial pecking order of lightness does exist. It’s not unknown for black people to ridicule someone darker than themselves. As Yvonne, a 35-year-old teacher, explains: “There are just so many negative connotations associated with being black. I know this is really silly, but even in the film Planet Of The Apes, the light-skinned apes are the cleverest and the blackest are the dumbest.If people feel they can alleviate a lot of the stereotypes of being black by lightening their skin, who am I to argue? After all, not all black people want to be freedom-fighters - they just want to live their lives in peace and keep themselves to themselves.”
Some women are prepared to go to great lengths for this ideal, if not for themselves, then for their children. Michelle, 29, explains: “I want an easy life like everyone else, and if it means people are less likely to judge me solely on the basis of my skin colour because it’s lighter, then that’s fine by me. I have got friends who have purposely got pregnant by white men, so their children are mixed-race, and hopefully have a better start in life, because they’re coffee-coloured. I’d never go that far.”
If racism is the underlying reason why black women want to lighten their skin, are attitudes noticeably changing? The answer seems to be an overwhelming no. “I’m sick and tired of white people telling me that people aren’t as racist as they used to be,” says Sarah. “In some ways, it is just as bad as when my parents first came over, it is just a lot more sophisticated. For example, how many models have you seen wearing their hair in it’s natural state? How many who are dark-skinned, besides Naomi Campbell, are very successful? They all look like coffee-coloured Barbie Dolls and it’s really depressing.” Even Naomi Campbell herself feels pressure sometimes - as she explained in an interview with the Daily Telegraph last week.
Although Diane, a 27-year-old solicitor, believes racism is a factor, she also thinks it’s self-confidence or lack of it which makes all the difference to individual women. “I’m very dark-skinned, but I have never allowed my skin colour to get in the way of anything. I’m not so obsessed with the way I look to be influenced by black or white people’s opinions of me based solely on skin colour.”
Not all black women can cope with the pressures of discrimination. It isn’t surprising that many believe they will make their lives easier by lightening their skin. When I discussed this article with some of my white friends, they were completely perplexed as to the reasons why anyone would do it. After all, I don’t myself. But women who use skin lightener aren’t concerned with the desire to be white. They are concerned with attempting to lessen the effects of racism and sexism in their lives. They use skin lightener to try to gain respect and to be treated as an equal.
[QUOTE}
Comment by treacle09 on 12 August 2009:
Another story printed in another the Guardian 2005 practically repeating the above. But at this point bleaching cream are meant to be illegal in the UK.
[QUOTE]
Young black and Asian women are using illegal and harmful skin bleaching creams in an effort to follow fashion.
As The Observer has discovered, Gina is not alone - thousands of black and Asian British women are using similar creams to make them whiter. While some contain steroids which thin the skin, others contain the poisonous chemical hydroquinone, banned in Britain in January 2001. Hydroquinone interferes with the skin’s pigmentation process and increases the risk of skin cancer.
Anybody caught selling creams containing hydroquinone can be fined £5,000 or jailed for up to six months…. The Observer has learnt that this summer alone customs officers made two massive seizures of illegal skin-bleaching creams at Gatwick airport involving hundreds of thousands of products. … when they inspected… were thousands of skin-bleaching products containing the illegal chemical hydroquinone…
The adverts have a clear and simple message: dark skin means failure; fair skin is beautiful and equates to success. These images are not a throwback to apartheid South Africa or the slavery era in the United States, they are the images now staring out of products on thousands of shelves across the UK, not just in beauty salons but grocery stores, newsagents, even record shops.
According to Sherry Dixon, editor of Pride - the lifestyle magazine for the British black community - the scale of the problem is alarming. She believes that in part it is propelled by the success of a new generation of black celebrities who have lighter skin, such as Beyoncé or Lil’ Kim. She said: ‘These creams are used by all ages and both sexes. It is a taboo subject. Nobody likes admitting they use the creams, but many do. They look to role models like Beyoncé and believe her success is because she is lighter skinned. This is a real problem and we need to tackle it from within.’
…..
[quote]
Those articles where printed quite a while back, I hope things are changing. I remember only a couple a months ago this year on TV, there was a really young dark skinned black girl (aged 6/7) with the longest and biggest, beautiful afro hair, the presenter asked the black girl “Who do you want to look like? She said Beyonce. The hairstylist then straighten her hair, and the girl was very happy.
I can imagin and have heard more young black girls of a primary aged (4 -11)saying they would like to be like the Obama girls, ending on a positive note.
Comment by ELLIOT on 13 August 2009:
Stay tuned everyone for the author’s next great series anti-Semitic enlightened speeches.
Perhaps she will tell us that next that he holocaust of the transatlantic slave trade was to purge the Africans of their unrighteousness or the tragedy of Katrina occurred because the hedonism of the New Orleans peoples.
Perhaps in her next publication she will tell us that the TWIN Towers in NY fell because of the evil of New Yorkers. Or maybe she will just tell us that the genocide of Tutsi’s in Rwanda by the Hutu’s was G-d’s righteousness like Sodom and Gomorrah. Occam’s Razor (The simplest answer is usually the correct answer) denotes that the authors anti-Semitic writings amount to the ratings of an insane lunatic. BINGO!
Now perhaps you can form a logical opinion without bringing in your personal hatred for the Jewish peoples.
Perhaps you should not concern yourself as to what I do on my weekends and stop using this site as recruitment for the Junior Nazi League.
Perhaps after sponsoring your Hitler Youth League poetry festival this weekend you can write us all a memorandum on when you think the appropriate time to blog on this site since you seem to own the copyright to online blogging.
Now don’t get upset! Put down those long black Gestapo boots your probably shining right now and don’t go reaching for the luger gun on your hip. Take a long nice sip of the FUHRERS BEER YOU PROBABLY HAVE STASHED IN YOUR FRIDGE NEXT TO YOUR PSYCHIATRIC MEDS.
Oh wait now I got it. It is so simple like Occam said. YOU CAN’T MIX BEER WITH PSYCHE MEDS THEN GO ONLINE BLOGGING! BRILLIANT! So take your meds and pour the FUHRER’S BEER down the sink. Or you can try to sell it on EBAY and see if you can get some money together for psychiatric counseling you so badly need. I am sure after a few days of meds and shock therapy you will be fit for humanity again.
Oh and please stop burning candles in your homemade Hitler Shrine it is a fire hazard, the all-night chanting gets on your neighbors nerves, and I am sure you could spend the money for the candles and Nazi dolls elsewhere like an actual Hair Salon instead of Supercuts at WalMart.
Memo to the author was The Jackson Five Still Together when your hairstyle was in? Did Willie Nelson have all his original teeth when you hair style was in fashion? Was Elton John still straight when you hairstyle was still in? Things that make you say HMMMM………………
Comment by NOPLAYER on 13 August 2009:
Wow, my goodness!
ELLIOT my man, is it that serious? Bro. it’s just a blog and we can disagree without “going for the throat!”
There’s no doubt in my mind that you’re more than capable of holding your own, so lets attack THE POST and not THE PERSON!
Comment by whiteanproud on 14 August 2009:
what
Comment by whiteanproud on 14 August 2009:
Now Elliot this is no way to get your Black on Black crime statistics down. With all your ranting on White men and America being the source of your problems, poverty, drugs, social diseases and all those single mothers and your above the national average domestic violence statistics. White America is not out to get you because you people do a good enough job of it yourselves.
Have not read a White person attacking a Black person yet, let alone a female. Yet, we have to suffer through your diatribe on how White America causes you to act like this, I am sure you will rely on racism your standard standby.
I did not think you people liked the word genocide, why are you concern about Rwanda when your genocide continues right here in the USA and it is Black on Black, drugs dealing, drive, single mothers living in poverty unsupported by Black men who made them, gang violence, AIDS…And who is doing all that killing, stealing, baby making and beating own their women…Black men Keep up the good work
That death counts is in the millions, no wonder your women are running to anything other than Black Man…atleast they will survive and have a life with some respect and dignity.
But hell I take this hot chick; you can have the fat ones and the ones emailing me from Nigeria.
Comment by chicnvanilla on 14 August 2009:
After viewing Tyra’s show, I was stunned at the low self esteem her guests had. They have some serious issues to deal with.
What happened to ” SAY IT LOUD I’M BLACK AND PROUD” If those ladies wanted light skinned children they should have got with a WM.Not every super model is light skinned, Grace Jones was at the top of her game back in the day.
Comment by homesteader on 14 August 2009:
Grace Jones in Bond , James Bond 007 with Priece Brosnon ” A View to a Kill “
Comment by homesteader on 14 August 2009:
Blame only the one who commits the Crime / It was their choice .
Comment by homesteader on 14 August 2009:
Enjoy /We do
Comment by ELLIOT on 14 August 2009:
Whitteandproud,
I think released FBI records have in detail documented he explosion of drugs in America and how such drugs reached the inner city. However, I am quite unsure on sme statistics. Could you get me soe information on how many African Americans owned planes or pilot licenses in the 1960-1990? Also can you find me some information of how many African Americans owned boats capable of travelingacross the sea to deliver such illegal drugs?
Here are the facts. Drugs much like slavery was perpetrated upon all peoples by all races. African Americans sold drugs purchased from other races in African American inner cities. Now the top drug is methane enpehetamies. This drug capitol usage point oddly enough is in the midwest. Meth is tearing apart predominately European Amrican in tha region of he United States much the same way crack devestated the inner cities up to the early 2000’s. My heart goes out to all of those poor famlies in those regions affected by the infestation of MEth who communiies are being overun by scum of the earth drug dealers who oftentimes sell Meth the pregnant women. Drugs are a scourge upon society that no matter what race if affected by them.
The overall drug sells of crack in African American communities has all but bottomed up due to the inevitable dieing off of crack addicts (The market for crack in the inner city is determined by the supply of crack heads, because the dead crack heads are not being replaced by new ones in the inner city demand is down causing crack to have a downturn and drug dealers to find other markets or professions)Man I love Economics!.
Education and the unfovorable associations younger generations of inner city dwellers have with crack heads have made it quite difficult for African Americans drug dealers to profit in their illegal death of drug addicts. The market dried up.
History does teach us from ancient Egypt, the census records of Carthage before it’s saking by Rome, Roman census Records, or we can observe the records of Early Western cities like dodge or we can observe the Early historical records of NYC. Where their is a poor low income population poverty, drugs, social disease single motherhood, are directly associated with such communities. From brothels to illicit drugs such areas have always been inhabited by criminal activity.
The problem you are having in analyzing the data is that you might look at a black gang banger kid 15 years old and never stop to think “was his father in the gang, is his mother in the gang and are several generations of his family in he same gang he belongs to”. Oftentimes, European American Supremacist in the KKK or Nazi groups are born into thoese orginaztions and have deep family ties to them which strech back generations. The same rules applies to inner city gangs. However you like many only see the evil African American child an never stop to analyze the historical data as to why the child is in the gang. The historical overtones i write are meant to lay a foundation as to the “why things are presently this way”. Whereas, your disposition would alow you to beleive that African Americans pop out the womb with an AK-47 wanting to gang bang and sell drugs, or African American women pop out the womb wanting to be single mothers ect. . .
Groups who have been socially or economically oppressed over a long period of time are often oppressed fro different reasons. Historically religion, ethnicity (race), creed, poltical membership, gender and sexuality. In the case of African Americans the particulars of the African American oppression is focuses on ethnicity (Race). Therefore, it would be foolish not to lay a historical context as to why Africanms Americans have no closed the gap wih other races in American and not include racism. Being that my father could not vote, was forced to attend segregated schools and job opportunities to his geneation were only menial labor service industry jobs.
Herein lies the building blocks of hopelessness and despair in a community in which poverty breeds longside to contempt for a economic system which locked African Americans out beause they were born. Your lack of insight fails to let you see that America is technically 40 years removed from National Jim Crow Slavery with the 1969 Civil Right Act being signed. 40 years is not a long time historically analyze a peoples pogression from slavery to closing a gap with those who enslaved them. It is only 1-2 generations in many instances.
Now in closing we can look to NYC and the discrimination upon Irish Americans who were oftentimes locked out of decent jobs and relegated to low income communities. In these Irish ghettos their was ofen crime sngle others, brothels, opium or morphine dens, and plently and bars to drink and illegally gamble. British Americans who discriminated upon the Irish oftentimes visited these ghettos of to indulge in the forbidden pleasures. Illegitimate or fatherless children were oftentimes present in these communities. No different than in the African American communities.
Your issue is Sir that you are not educated well on the history of European American people in America because if you were then you would realize that European Americans endured the same adaptation problems once comming out of oppression the African Americans are experiencing now since receiving civil rights and comming out of oppression in America. Their were gangs (The Gangs Of New York in 1860 New York with immigration), their was Brothels in ever inner city all over the country (Especially in Bible belt Lousianna, NYC, and the Wild West) their was murders and killings rapes, and beatings of women. All hese things occurred in this impoverished enviorment as it also occurred in major cities by European Americans against Eurpean Americans in Early America. This being said sir it took many years (hundreds) for the British Americans to grant equality to to Irish, Scotish, Italians, Russians, Polish, Duth and many other European American Ethnic group and those ethnic groups to close the gap socially and economically.
Therefore, if African Americans have only really been granted equality for 40 years are African Americans not deserving of at least a fraction of the time to close the gap.
Comment by homesteader on 15 August 2009:
Thank you Eloit For the last paragraph/ Kinda tells about the start of something Good
Criminals are only Criminals because they break mans’ Laws
We on the other hand went to town on Friday and saw no crimes beginning committed on the streets
I guess we live in a different world / Yet always the same world as there really is only one .
Try to live for today / when I rolled over in bed and saw the dark and the light bodies beside each other .
Beauty in Our own bed / The rest is None of your Business
P.S. Grace Jones played ” Mayday ” and her Bond was Roger Moore / we watched that last evening .
As always ; You seen one Bond flick / You have seen them all , Hehe
Comment by whiteanproud on 15 August 2009:
Elliot you are retarded. “we did not fly the plane” has not been a viable defense for your homeboys on Cell Block A. You are more pathetic than I first assumed. Furthermore dumbass those planes carrying drugs into this country did not come from Europe. They are coming from Latino and Middle Eastern countries. Not White People. Which only proves your are an uneducated racist prick.
I guess with your thinking that 94% Black on Black crime rate is the fault of the gun makers and dealers? Not any fault of the person that decided to take another person life….retarded. They also via airplane fly in deadly diseases so they can be researched and I guess you should run out and hi-jack that as well… Your AIDS rates are higher than any other group? Why the Black male penis and his stints in the prison. Since 54% of the cases our sexually transmitted via homosexual sex, which you people call on the down low. Domestic Violence Black Women have the highest rates than any other group and who’s responsible, once again The black male penis.
Yet you want to come on here and blame White men for it, because once again you cannot take responsibility for your own actions and apparently self-discipline is not a concept you know anything about. You are useless and ineffective and a drain on America. Since we “bad white people” have to pick up the tab for all those babies you Black men make and the government has to support, pick up the tab for building new prisons for the death and destruction Black males causes, pick up the tab for your obesity, no health insurance and Aids related issues etc….
You prefer to blame that on something that happened over 300 years old and how you never gotten over it, even though your dumbass wasn’t even born 300 years ago and the majority of the White people in America today, either wasn’t here during that time or never owned any slaves. So apparently, you are not going to live long enough to take responsibility for your own actions or tell your men to be men…I doubt your are remembering your dead ancestors since Black Males have kept up a steady stream of death and destruction with their living ancestors.
Yet you come on this site to tell White men how they are the cause of your lack of manhood. If I could, I would give losers like you reparations with the condition that you leave this country and start life anew in your own homeland. Maybe we could get some of those African-Americans who owed slaves in America to help pay reparations. It would be less expensive in the long/short run, we could empty our prisons, and you could take your AIDS patients and obese ones with you. Taxpayers would see less of a tax burden in no time.
Oh that is right; Africans do not like African-Americans neither do the Blacks in the Caribbean. They must know something that White America doesn’t; although quite a few of us do we just cannot say it because it hurts Black men feeling. Boo-hoo cry me river!!
I know “good white people” are suppose to let you rant and rave and take blame for everything that you have done to yourselves. But I am not one of them, you are a whining loser and an idiot savant. And any women that would consider you an option is a fool and a loser just like you. Obviously, you want a woman that you can guilt to take care of you since you are victim of something that happened over 300 years ago.
I am Irish/Jew (pick a side) and my ancestors came from a history of slavery and atrocities much like most races and ethnic groups at one time in history and you don’t hear us or the many others whining and complaining about something that happened 100’s of years ago, so get over it or split a wrist already.
Oh and Dumbass, the book of Exodus Unlike the Black Males in America, Jews did realized it was their own disobedient that kept them in the wilderness, I guess that is probably why you did not get it. You appear to become violent with the concept of self-discipline and accountability. Big Surprise There! So, do not speak for Jews we have an aversion to dumbasses and losers. Since we came to this country with the same status as Black people and we made it without the need for government assistance or hand holding. Because we stick together and help one another a concept that you will never understand. And we certainly did not / do not violate our women so they would have no choice but to run to the government (You know White Men) for help. As so many of you do, nor do we criminalize and terrorized our own for a penny or two. As so many of you do.
The only sire babies in the Black community is Black male….
So STFU
Takintall- I am not going to argue with you since I want you to conserve your oxygen levels. However, I have plenty of Black friends and bi-racial children, neither of them are any versions of the N words that you seem to be happy posting on a interracial dating, while people are trying to get along not relieve tragedy or offend others, your self-proclaim education and intelligence obviously means nothing. George Bush was ivy leagued educated and comes from an elitist background and he was a vulgar dumbass with no class.
Miri-I run my own company and I did not rely on self-pity of being part Irish which was brought to this country as indenture servants or being part Jewish with 1000’s of years of history of slavery, genocides, expulsions etc..The only bile that was written was the racial slurs started by Black people and the generalizations of lumping every white person responsible for something that happened well over 300 years ago by Black people. So you do not get to tell me that I cannot respond. I find it amazing that you people often can see what you perceive as racism in Whites and others but never yourselves. I did not come to this site to relive anyone’s history or to be blamed for it. I came for a human being to human being experience. I would like to see all the racists White and Black locked into a room and let them kill each other off. We would be better off without them. But if you are going to object to my post then perhaps you should object to the people that starts these racial debates. Certainly not any of the white people on this site so far.
I have bi-racial children and the only people who give them a hard time is other Black People, specifically African-Americans. Self-hatred, envy, jealousy and a crab-mentality is rampant within African-Americans. Africans and Carr beans people stick together and they make it and they do not critique my children on the color of there skin. Nor do they complain about White people or America. African-Americans however, attack them as well. Perhaps African-American problems our solely their own.
My ex-wife is West Indian and she made it from humble beginnings all the way through medical school and she never complained or blamed racism with her struggles through life. Nor did any West Indian criticize or ostracize our children for being bi-racial, nor did any of my family Irish or Jewish side. And my ex-wife parents worked many a jobs to make sure each and everyone of their children was college educated and successful. Just like my parents did for my siblings and I.
Comment by whiteanproud on 15 August 2009:
Elliot, I believe you are a crackhead..
Comment by MichaelMN on 16 August 2009:
Wow. There is certainly a lot of opinion in this string.
Personally,I thought this was a site about love.
I happen to be wonderfully attracted to black women. For many reasons. And beautiful skin tones is but one of those. The love of my life - who I lost to cancer nearly 10 years ago - always felt she was too dark. I don’t get it. I simply just don’t get this. For me, she was and always will be absolutely beautiful.
Love does not know color. Or shade. Or hue. Period.
MichaelMN
Comment by takinitall on 16 August 2009:
whitendprd:
First off I never said I was content with being called anything. Again re read my post and you will see I was merely responding to Nandi’s statement that no one uses the word Negro anymore. You really need to get over yourself. All you are doing is attacking other people here and bringing your negative energy in. Thanks for being considerate of my oxygen levels as you are not worth me or anyone wasting their breath on. Again read a post completely before responding! You really should seek some professional help for your issues with black people. White people commit crimes just as well if not worse than blacks in some cases. Think about how many black serial killers you know or black killers who eat people? None!
No Player
You’re right we should focus on the topic at hand and not attack the person. I see no difference in Elliots post than Whiteandprd. Whiteandprd attacked several people here when no one even said anything to him. The only difference is Elliot was defending himself when he felt he was being attacked. I’m not Jewish, but I could see how he would have been offended. And she continued to attack his character by accusing him of stalking her. Nevertheless, people shouldn’t cast stones they are not ready to get thrown back. I’m not saying either of them are right. However, women can not hit a man and not expect him to get tired and get her off of him.
Comment by homesteader on 16 August 2009:
MichaelMN ; We are Female and Male / Who met at AfroRomance over two years ago .
Happy now to Enjoy other lives Together .
Love / is a Feeling between two people .
History is what was , Life is what shall be .
Yesterday , Today was Tommorrow , so Enjoy Everyone .
Comment by NOPLAYER on 16 August 2009:
whiteandproud - first off who are you to tell anybody to “Go Back To Africa” or anywhere for that matter. Did Euro/Am have their origin in America?
You’re ignorant as hell!
Some of the negative things you stated about BM do not appy to all BM, so this proves your twisted view of reality, you can’t lump all BLKs together no more than I can lump all WHTs together.
You said Africans and Blks from the Caribbean don’t like Afro/Am, maybe some don’t but can you speak for those that don’t feel that way?
You speak of the unity that other BLKs have that we don’t, you have to consider THEY’VE had a cultural continuity from day one and they’ve indentified with eachother as a collective group.
It wasn’t until the 60’s that Afro/Am began to indentify with eachother as a nation of people, so how could they have the unity to work together and uphold eachother as others have done?
In the 60’s when we started coming together as a people it scared the hell out of WHT/AM and wicked people in high places began killing and locking up BLK leaders that was pushing a nationalistic agenda.
It was the fear that BLKs would turn on America that caused this, not knowing we just wanted the same rights that everyone else enjoyed, we had no sinister motive to payback WHTs for the evil that some(not all)reaped upon us.
The one thing that would help solves some of our problems, is the one thing that many WHTs and a too many silly BLKs is scared of and that’s the reconnecting with our history and our culture, as varried as these cultures may be.
The conditions that exist or a result of the disconnect with our past and our culture, some of us are so ashamed of our past that we don’t want no parts of it, so we live in a time vaccum.
Many WHTs are sacared that we may become angry of past injustices and so many attemp get BLKs not to revisit the past for the sake of learning, so you say things like, ” why do you need a BLK history month”, ” forget about the past and look towards the future”!
You don’t tell that to Jews, you don’t tell that to Armenians or any WHTs people that have suffered at the hands of other WHTs but when it comes to BLKs you want us to forget this chapter in our story.
The jewels are in the dirt of our history, not only what we suffered during slavery but how we survived and pressed on, with flaws and all.
The strength, courage, tenacity, the ability to hold on to faith, not give up hope and give into dispair, these are the jewels contained in our past and because some of us have lost or turned our backs on this rich legacy we’re grifting at sea on a boat with a sail or a rudder.
You act as if BLKs have a monopoly on the BLAME GAME, please! Have you heard and looked at some of your own people lately.
A non wht person or a wht female can’t even get promoted from mopping floors to serving french fries at Wendy’s without people LIKE YOU screaming bloody murder.
You whine about people “crying and not trying” but as soon as they work hard and make things happen for themselves people LIKE YOU start to bitching.
I’ll tell you what, if they pay me reparations I’ll buy as many plain tickets as I can for as many disgruntled and bitter WHT guys such as YOURSELF to go back to Europe but I’m sure Europeans wouldn’t want your sorry asses here, they have enough cry babies in their on countries!
Get a life and maybe you’ll get a girlfriend, you looser!
Show your face you coward!
Comment by Only1Kim on 16 August 2009:
People have their own perception no matter how twisted it is. I am a light-skinned woman ( the lightest in my family) & no one has given me a damn thing. I am a single parent, I work hard & being light-skinned hasn’t afforded me any advantages. I love being who I am. My Kids are darker than I am & they are beautiful. This perception of light-skin/dark-skin has gone too far. We should be focusing on how to make this government, economy, level of education & quality of life better for ourselves & our children’s futures.
Stop letting yourself esteem beat you down & don’t bring your kids into your dementia. Stop making excuses for why you are not where you want to be. Damn it, it’s hard enough being black no matter what the skin tone is.
There are many shades of black and they are all beautiful. You are beautiful, we are beautiful. Tell your children that they are beautiful everyday, boys and girls.
I’m off my soapbox.
Comment by takinitall on 17 August 2009:
Whiteandprd
Perhaps your childrens issues are not other African Americans, but in fact it’s you. If you believe in half of the things you have written in this blog, I could only imagine what you have said to your children. Perhaps your issues with Black men is penis envy which is why you feel they should all “go back to Africa” and leave the “hot black women” as that is the only way you stand a chance with a “hot black woman” if they have no other men to choose from. I applaud your childrens mother, she came to a foreign land, hooked up with a genius like you, probably got citizenship after she had the kids, went through med school and left you once she got to where she needed to be as she no longer needed you. Did she leave you for a strong or educated black man, is this why you have issues with No Player and Elliot? or did she realize she wanted curves and developed fuller breasts and bottom which is why you have issues with me? Or are you just one of those people who just wants to get a response from someone, since nobody wants to be around you; so you resort to taking shots at people online and hiding your face from the world? Be a man if you believe strongly about what you write, be white and proud (as you name states) and show yourself!
Comment by miri2008 on 17 August 2009:
Here is a live example of the type of message that’s put out there to women of color - it is the type of message which could definitely promote insecurity and even possibly prompt the type of behavior depicted in the video above. Check it out for yourself - sad, but true:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3ZxrXiSY3Y&feature=related
MichaelMN - thank you for reminding us that this place is supposed to be about finding something beautiful. I think you are truly blessed to have experienced that once; I sincerely hope you do again.
whiteanproud - I’m usually quite adept at sidestepping what I consider to be the race politics melee strewn liberally throughout these blogs at will, as I consider that entire discussion stream to be divisive, polarizing, and out of place here. And, I do accept your rebuttal of singling you out as you are definitely not the only offender (rather, you apparently felt the need to submit a defense after feeling attacked). Some of your latest post has added more depth to your sentiments (at least from my perspective); Therefore, I think that this warrants a serious response on my part (as in not flippant and off the cuff). However, I will take my time with my response, as I intend to choose my words carefully in an attempt to convey what I truly wish to communicate (I do not wish to talk ‘at’ you, I wish to talk ‘with’ you).
Comment by whiteanproud on 18 August 2009:
1. As far as being called a “Negroe” it’s funny because I hear it quite frequently. Which is ironic as I live in California; and one would think you would here it more in the South. The word Negroe has many forms that it is used today such as Nigga, Nigg, Negroid, Negra, Negro. True story, when I was learning spanish and someone said to me “el chico negro pequeno”, I thought they were being disrespectful. But once I learned the translation was “the little black boy” I was ok.
whitendprd:
First off I never said I was content with being called anything. Again re read my post and you will see I was merely responding to Nandi’s statement that no one uses the word Negro anymore.
I read it right the first time. Why lie? Are you that pathological that you think your previous post is some how forgotten and No you did not state that is it heard more in the California more so than in the South.
I amazed at the level of your ignorance and the fact that you lie with such ease and then respond with snide uneducated responses using the passive aggressive elementary school tactic. You clearly stated you hear these words frequently and that you are okay with being called a little black boy. Why lie? So you are a sociopath as I thought, I hope this imaginary White man you are dating from this site (something else you stated) is reading this blog, so he to can see what type of lying sociopath racist he is dating. But then again you lie so easily, whose to say what is real or imaginary in your mind. I think you are one of those lonely fat chicks who cruises dating sites for the fantasy and well at least that is some human contact.
I was merely stating that those terms are NOT okay or frequently used nor are they appropriate in posting because it offense others who do not have the guts to tell you and obviously have no class to know better little black boy. That was the negative energy you brought onto this site. But of course even with your post you will deny it
Black penis envy? You mean the black penis that are siring all of these children or the black penis spreading epidemic AIDS rates in the black communities or the Black penis that have you cruising an interracial dating site?
You do not have curves and/or fullness you have rolls of fat and one doesn’t have to be 300lbs to have curves. I did not know my ex-wife needed a citizenship status nor do I need to concern myself with who she is intimate with but you sure seem to be concerned, perhaps you could go sniff her panties and report back to me. Perhaps you will get inspired to know what a real woman look likes.
But she does spend her days trying to get fatties to let go of that deep fried crap and extend their paltry lives. Clearly you have no respect for others and the intend of this website, yet you continue to rant and race bait and feel no one should say anything back.
NoPlayer-This comes from a man who took down his picture only to tell me to show my face and then what? You people will resort to violence? Why take down your picture and of course you are a married man looking for pen pal and friendship on a dating site and I am loser? I did not know married people look for friendships on a dating site, what a prize of a husband you must be. If you do not like my generalizations and stereotypes perhaps you should stop using them yourself.
1. In the 60’s when we started coming together as a people it scared the hell out of WHT/AM and wicked people in high places began killing and locking up BLK leaders that was pushing a nationalistic agenda.
So all White/AM was scared? I see you did not mention that many Whites and Jews during the 60’s who helped Black people on voting and civil rights. They also died right along with your people you seem to not mentioned that. Furthermore What Jews went through did not happen in the USA. Yes, we were discriminated against in this country, much like you but we stuck together and organized. We do not moan and complain all day like you people. Neither does the Irish who were indentured servants in this country or the Chinese who was brought over to build the railroad. Just you
Fact is you are angry and violent people but what is it to be afraid you only kill each other.
You do not have any origins here neither, but since you are doing all the complaining, you leave. Truth is you have no place to go to fat chance that even Liberia will accept you, neither will the Caribbean. I on the other hand have a couple places to go if I choice, you are the trapped rat dumbie.I was merely suggesting that you reconnect with your ancestors that sold you into slavery in the first place, since they don’t see the need to reach out to you.
And the only people who killed off your leaders were other Black people, like your Prophet Farrakhan and Malcolm. Don’t tell it was a conspiracy; everything with you people is a conspiracy. No, it was Blacks who ratted out your Black panthers and Black Nationals, it is Blacks who is killing other blacks on the streets everyday, and it is Blacks who are selling drugs, prostituting their own women and children. But I am sure you will find a way to tie that into White people picking on you. So why should “whites in high place conspire to kill you” since you do such a good job of doing yourselves and why should we concern ourselves with paltry cleaning jobs, when it is so much money in the prison and legal system. Monies generated for the need of more prisons for Black people who kills, manes, rapes other Blacks while blaming White people; for their lack of self-discipline and control. Atleast my generalizations are factual yours is just another conspiracy.
So you can lie and make up conspiracies all you want but if you do not like generalizations and stereotypes than do not apply them to other races/ethnic group. And if you do not want to get past and forgot the past, why embark on a future with a White person who obviously do not believe or wish to engage in racial conversations. You need to take this crap up with your former slavemasters, the companies they now run or the various KKK and supremacist groups, clearly none of the White people who joined this site subscribes to that…More than likely majority of Whites people in America today wasn’t even in this country during slavery nor did they own or profit from slavery. So what is your point on a interracial dating site only to undermine the intentions of this site?
Because if you people claim to be an educated and intelligent as you claim, you would realized this is not the format for this, of course I am sure you will lie through it again.
Comment by NOPLAYER on 18 August 2009:
Miri2008 I’ve seen that video and there’s some truth but we have to keep in mind that not all BM feel that way. On a large scale the media feeds the masses of BM their so-called image of beauty.
As a young man growing up there were light skinned girls in my school and where I lived but they were just like all the other girls.
It wasn’t until a few years later that all of a sudden there was this big deal being made about them being light skinned. It wasn’t until the media began placing so much emphasis on them being mixed that many BM began to equate them as the standard of beauty.
In the movies sucessful BM were paired with light skinnd women, most of the TV commercials and music videos featured light skinned or almost wht looking BLK women, so I’d find it hard not to believe that this image programming didn’t contribute to the mindset of many young BM.
This also effected BM because in the 80’s all the hype was about light skinned BM such as: El DeBarge, Mario Van Peables, and Al B. Sure.
The lighter your skin, the straighter or curlier your hair was the more attractive you were in the eyes of BW and this effected young BM.
Keep in mind rejection often begets rejection and many young BM when they found themselves exposed to WW for the first time as a result of school integration or going to college they began relationships for the first time WW.
I’m sure it had an effect on the young man BM that felt rejected because he didn’t look like Al B. Sure to all of a sudden have WW or HW attracted to him.
Many who didn’t want to be viewed as sell-outs for dating WW went for the closest thing to it and that was very light skinned BW or Latina women.
I make these points to to show how outside imagery and other people’s definitions of beauty when internalized by BLKs will have an effect on their perceptions of beauty and what’s desirable.
Those of us who had parents that could see the game being played and had a understanding of the history of skin color issues were able to inform us (their children) so we wouldn’t fall victim to this foolishness.
Comment by homesteader on 18 August 2009:
Being born WM / Having married WW twice . Failing in marriage both times , these are still the Mothers of three of my Daughters and respected by me for being good people . Who said that I was always correct / Knot me can’t you see .
I married a Woman that I met at AfroRomance and she is All Woman to me . Luck will sometimes fall on me don’t you see .
BLK, BM , LW, BW and all other Capitalized letters are just a bunch of short ways to stereotype people .
A Date Ting site , with such Excuses for being set in our own ways with constant Dislike of others .
Grow up and stop and smell the Roses / No matter what color they are just as Fragrant .
People are all Individuals / To be held accountable for their own actions .
Blame all your problems on Me / cause I could care less. Alas you shall each pay in your own way for how you reacted to Stress Management . Thunder only happens when it’s Raining .
Comment by homesteader on 18 August 2009:
When misunderstood by others / I still understand what I write .
Comment by MichaelMN on 18 August 2009:
good grief…I have to wonder if some of those who post here are who they really say they are.
Miri, not only are you the most beautiful 108 year old woman (or 28 year old for that matter) I have ever seen..lol..but you said it perfectly on your profile with this quote:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5) It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6) Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7) It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails…” - I Corinthians 13:4-8
I understand pain and anger. Just not the pain and anger on this string of posts.
I also know love. And trumps everything.
Beauty is not what media thinks. It is in the eye of the beholder - YOU. Not anyone else.
Peace out.
Michael
Comment by miri2008 on 18 August 2009:
Michael, how incredibly sweet. Thank you.
Comment by takinitall on 19 August 2009:
@ No Player
I responded to your post before your post to whiteandprd posted. I apologize for my haste judgement.
@ Whiteandprd
You are so special and ignorant it’s rediculous. It’s no wonder your ex left you. Maybe you struggle with reading comprehension. My post basically was to state the the word negroe has many forms and can be found as well in different languages. One may find it offensive (as I did, before I learned the literal translation), but it is still a term used today. Wait I just realized, why in the hell am I explaining this to you. You obviously have issues with yourself, and no matter how much I explain it you’re not going to get it. Thanks as usual for your interests in my physical attributes (I know you have a collage of me above your headboard that you kiss before going to bed), unfortunately insulting me will not bring your ex back, make you any larger (you know where) or make any difference to me as you still have not posted your pic. This is going to be my last post to you little man as I need to conserve my oxygen levels for people who are worth it and can debate intelligently with facts, which apparently you struggle with. Take care little man or woman (as this is what you are acting like).
@ only1kim
Great comments, people need to be happy with themselves and not concerned with what others think.
Comment by NOPLAYER on 19 August 2009:
whiteandproud - ok let’s assume that all of the negative things you say about BLACKS are true! Now here the millions dollar question?
What the hell is wrong with some(notice the key word SOME) of your own people? Do you not have cry babies, criminals of the worst kind, dope users, abusers of women, pediphiles and some of the worst mass murderers known in American history?
Man please, you talk as if ALL of your people are saints. LOL
If all BLACKS in America died today WHT/AM would still have the same problems tomorrow because all of the issues that BLKs and other eithnic groups face, WHT/AM has the same issues.
Man get over your anger and your hatred because it only destroys you and the ones you’re hating are going on about their business and living their lives.
To be truthful some of us laugh at you, we laugh because we’re moving on and living the “American Dream” while clowns like you are mad and bitter.
There’s hope for you, if not oh well, there’s suicide!
Comment by NOPLAYER on 19 August 2009:
@ takingitall - it’s all good! I agree, don’t waste no more of your time with this clown.
Comment by MichaelMN on 19 August 2009:
Miri,
You are most deservedly welcome.
Thank you for the articulate and beautiful profile you posted.
Michael
Comment by homesteader on 20 August 2009:
Fight Nice Children / Question in my mind ; What is the American Dream ?
Other than being Happy and Enjoying life with another .
Heck even Our cats and dogs play with each other , as friends .
Change comes from within Oneself , Grow up and Realize you will never Enjoy anothers JOURNEY IN LIFE . Try to Enjoy your own .
” Tear down that Wall , Mr. Gorbachof ” as said bye President Ronald Reagan years ago and the Wall fell with help of Intelligent People who saw Change for the Good of Mankind .
Gonna dye them old dingy A-shirts someday soon .
Comment by Shotgun007 on 20 August 2009:
Ditto to MichaelMN,
Our Media has had such a profound effect on our children, young teens, and even adult images for sooooo many years now, that maybe some people are just immune to the idea of looking beyond the surface and discovering real beauty and accepting their own natural appearances.
But you are right,..beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.
Comment by takinitall on 21 August 2009:
@ homesteader
Great quote and so very appropriate “Change comes from within Oneself , Grow up and Realize you will never Enjoy anothers JOURNEY IN LIFE . Try to Enjoy your own.” Thanks for sharing!
@ micheal
I was thinking the same thing. If the people who are posting here are who they really say in their posts. I find it interesting that Nandi stopped posting and Whiteandprd started with the exact same people who disagreed with Nandi. Wouldn’t it be funny if they are the same person? I hope not as that would be so childish.
@ everyone else
I apologize if I have offended any of you with my responses to Whiteandprd, it was not my intent. I like blogging with all of you and look forward to reading the responses that you all post. Most of you are very insightful and often are able to help me look at things from a different perspective.
Comment by takinitall on 21 August 2009:
Wait did I miss the memo, why is everyone taking their pics down?
Comment by NOPLAYER on 21 August 2009:
The advertizing media is doing what they do, they’re trying to motivate you to buy a product!
I cant call it racism because one of the advantages of owning your own media outlet is you get to do things your way.
I cant speak for those in the media, only they know if their motives are sinister or not.
We cant control what they put out there for all to see but we can cantrol how we interpret and internalize these images.
I think balance is the key to everything in life, not giving into extremes but meeting somewhere in the middle.
My and many other families put in place measures to give that balance. It was no accident that when you went to the homes of people they had pictures of their family all over the place.
I know that with todays standards of decorating most people don’t do that anymore. Remember how you’d go to grandma’s house as a child and you’d look at the pictures and she’d ask, “child you know who that is?” and if you didn’t, she’d tell you the story behind the picture.
These stories would leave a lasting impression on your mind because these were your family members, they looked like you, you shared their blood, some of your cousins, aunts and uncles were named after these people, these pictures tied you to somebody other than yourself.
I’ll never forget when my grandfather pointed out a picture of my great x3 grandfather and how he told me this man was the first one in our family that could read and write.
As I looked at this picture of this old man with these thick lips and high cheek bones I saw other family members who looked just like him.
I used this example to show how a child’s self-image is shaped, first in the environment he or she grows up in and if they don’t see themselves linked to a rich family history and a continuity of moving forward, they’ll start to look outside of themselves for something to indentify with.
When you can link your physical features to people that have helped you get to where you are, it’s hard to not appreciate how you look.
When a child sees his or her thick lips, wide nose or some other physical feature and they can say with pride, “I got these lips from my great grandmama” and when they know the story behind that great women and all she sacrficed for her family, it would be hard to not adore what she gave you.
People who are not rooted in themselves are prone to have all kinds of self-image problems.
If the parents of these women had taught them better and giving them the proper affrimation and validation growing up, there’s a strong chance that they wouldn’t have these issues.
I’ll close on this, ” trees are rooted deep into the earth so they’ll be able to withstand the winds, the rain and storms of life. Sholud it be any different with PEOPLE?”
Comment by whiteanproud on 21 August 2009:
“This is going to be my last post to you little man as I need to conserve my oxygen levels for people who are worth it and can debate intelli
gently with facts, which apparently you struggle with. Take care little man or woman (as this is what you are acting like).”
Takintall-You will post back because you are a pathetic pathological liar and more than likely suffering from manic depression. You do not have to explain anything to me because the point has already been made about you. You people always go back to the victim’s mentality role especially when you have been exposed. I feel for your children, you are some kind of parent when you really should be a poster child for birth control. I can only imagine the values that you instill in them. I can understand how sexual identity can be an issue for you but if you lose some weight you might find your own sexual identity. It’s there under rolls of fat and disregards of your own body. The only thing I see when I look at your picture is that if your head was a hog, I could feed a small starving African nation. You should seek professional help and stop using this website to vent your own issues and live out your own pathetic fantasy. Your issues our your own not White people. Perhaps if you wasn’t okay with being called a “black little boy” or the N word, you wouldn’t live out its offensive definitions. I think you are the only one that is sexually confused.
NoPlayer-What the hell is wrong with some(notice the key word SOME) of your own people? Do you not have cry babies, criminals of the worst kind, dope users, abusers of women, pediphiles and some of the worst mass murderers known in American history?
Unlike you I do not speak for all White people and unlike you I do not make generalize and sweeping statements about White people like you. And I being an educated man with common sense, I pretty sure that people are people no matter what race/ethnic so it is good and bad in both. No, I could not tell you what makes Aryans tick and want to kill, since their mantra besides hatred of Blacks also extends to Jews and Catholics. So why don’t you go ask them? Since I am Irish/Jew. Your above posts only prove how ignorant and low brow you really are? Which people of mines would you be referring too? I am pretty sure all White people are not related to each other. So what is your point?. You do know that Europe is a continent not a single country. I am pretty positive that people in France speaks French, people in Russia speaks Russian and Britain speaks British English and they are all different countries, with their own language and cultures that is unique to them and I am positive they do not speak for each other or represent each other base solely on the color of their skin.
“Man get over your anger and your hatred because it only destroys you and the ones you’re hating are going on about their business and living their lives.”
You people sure know how to work that victim mentality pretty fast, just the other day you and your sidekicks went from Slavery, the 40’s, 50’s, 60’s to White Americans plotting to kill your leaders, now today you are telling me to “get over it” and move on with my life. Typical no responsibility for your own actions and words and of course it is someone else’s fault. Are you sure they are laughing or shaking their heads at your posts. This is an interracial dating site for people who have moved on and they only people injecting racism and history over 300 years ago is you, and those two other jackasses. You subjected the racial slurs; the conspiracies all directed at White America, now you have reverted back to you are a victim of centuries of racism which is why you feel that way you do. Fair enough, so why don’t you take it someplace else and not disrupt the people who have moved on.
“To be truthful some of us laugh at you, we laugh because we’re moving on and living the “American Dream” while clowns like you are mad and bitter”
1. In the 60’s when we started coming together as a people it scared the hell out of WHT/AM and wicked people in high places began killing and locking up BLK leaders that was pushing a nationalistic agenda.
2. You don’t tell that to Jews, you don’t tell that to Armenians or any WHTs people that have suffered at the hands of other WHTs but when it comes to BLKs you want us to forget this chapter in our story.
3. A non wht person or a wht female can’t even get promoted from mopping floors to serving french fries at Wendy’s without people LIKE YOU screaming bloody murder.
You whine about people “crying and not trying” but as soon as they work hard and make things happen for themselves people LIKE YOU start to bitching.
Yeah, sound like a progressive mind that is moving on. You don’t have to forget but you cannot lump all White people and make them responsible for atrocities of the past. It is people like you, Elliot and takintall who only reinforces racism and bigotry and further alienate cross-cultural relationships. Something this site is not about. You might want to seek professional help as well; you appear to be a bit paranoid.
You might want to do something about that victim’s mentality because I doubt anyone no matter the color wants to spend their lives slinging mops or working Wendy’s, I am also sorry you have low expectations for yourself but I would surely give you that position or anyone else that wants it.
The only thing that is clownish is you, a married man on a dating website giving everyone else opinions. If you were so happy and content and moving on. Why are you here? You could be someplace establishing relationships with your own, start your own website on the plight of Black Americans, get involved in stopping the Black on Black crime, drugs, be a father figure and mentor to the 1000’s of black children who do not have one, educate black men, women and teens on the epidemic AIDS rates. Yet you do nothing but come on this site and rant and rave about Whites people. That’s a true coward and it only means you really do not care one way or another about “Black people”, you just want to vent to others who have nothing to with your plight 300 years ago and they certainly do not have anything to do with what is going on in your Black communities today. You want to use racism as a crutch through life so you can never be held accountable for your actions or inactions. A true coward! Surely, you will be held accountable one way or another. I am sure that went over your low brow head.
White people and other people no matter what the color of skin already knows that crying of spilled milk will not replace the milk that is now gone. So rising above it, working through it is best and the most productive.
I do not want you to go into cardiac arrest with the concept of self-discipline and accountability of your own actions is the best way to go. I guess this is part where you revert back to being victims of your own actions but if you can tie it in to racism that it’s okay to be ineffective and nonproductive, because the mere thought of being responsible is a concept foreign to Black American men, (note I did not say all Black men) because that is not true foreign born Blacks (African/Carribeans) do not have the rate of teen pregnancy, diseases, lack of accountability as fathers as African-Americans, so surely you cannot lump them into your Black mantra, no it is just you.
We have a Black president and he surely did not get elected by Black people alone and yet you still whine and complain and blame White people for your lack of man/womanhood. The mere fact that we have elected a Black President should be reason and fair enough for you not to make generalized statements and stereotypes about all White people. Obviously President Obama successful election proves we have moved on and of course racism will never go away but White people are not the only ones responsible for it, you certainly have proven that.
By the way, during your Black history month do you say a prayer for all the White people who died for your freedoms? After all, it was White people from the beginning of slavery who fought and died to end slavery, sorry Harriet Tubman was assisted by White people in building the underground railroads, not to mention those Quakers and not to mention there is not a Black person signature of the emancipation of Black people, nor is it a Black person signature on the civil rights bill and let’s not forgot the American Indians who hid runaway slaves and had their land taken from them because of their assistance in helping Blacks and they were killed as well.
Since African-Americans are definitely is a better economic status than American-Indians, wouldn’t the decent thing to do (you might want to look up decency) is to buy their land back and give it to them. And I do not hear any of their ancestors White people/ American Indians demanding that you acknowledge their sacrifice and I certainly do not hear you acknowledging their help and lost. All you do is whine and cry like little babies…me, me, me Look what happened to me. So perhaps if you are so concerned with racial injustice and bigotry you can start with yourself, perhaps it is time for African-Americans to reach out to others, because definitely you are part of the problem and not the solution.
And according to you anyone that objects to your racist, stereotyping views must be angry and bitter, I say it is your own victim’s mentality that accuses others of what you really are, which is evident in every one of your posts. A man takes responsibility for his own action and inactions and doesn’t fork the blame on anyone else. No matter how much crying and whining you do, sorry I cannot make you a man.
Comment by whurr on 24 August 2009:
PEOPLE PEOPLE PEOPLE..
I’m a ‘math’ guy, not a ‘reading’ guy.
I went to Barnes and Noble looking for the Cliff Notes to this blog…
someone help me please!
Can you at least make your long-winded posts rhyme like Cat in The Hat or Green Eggs and Ham. If you do that, I might be able to reply.
Otherwise as simple-minded as I am, I end up chasing the housefly and counting the chipped paint spots on my walls. I hate being ADHD w/o meds!
Back to the blog… DAYUMMM dat momma a crazy-azz foo’. But then again I shouldn’t comment since my lil ‘brown children (courtesy of George Bush late 80s referring to his grandkids) call me Casper.
If you got this far in this post, you as crazy as the momma!
Comment by NOPLAYER on 24 August 2009:
@ whiteand proud - Thanks for the advice and have a nice day!
Comment by raya1212 on 24 August 2009:
stupid,stupid,stupid just stupid love yourself as god gave us our own unique looks and lets focus on more serious things in the world
Comment by homesteader on 26 August 2009:
takinitall ; Thank you ,
AfroRomance / was started to help others Enjoy Change , It worked for Us .
Yet so many still are Stagnated in the History Pool with Greed and Ignorance abundant at those times that are Before Us or Behind Us depending on how each Desires to interpret them in time .
Life shall always be / One Step at a time .
Live for Today as many have died to allow Us the Freedoms We Enjoy .
as per picture removal / AfroRomance management does this .
The pictures are still on my Profile , just knot on my comments .
Comment by Jabali on 26 August 2009:
It would be really funny if it wasn’t so tragic.
Comment by homesteader on 27 August 2009:
NOPLAYER ;
Senator Ted Kennedy pasted away less than 24 hours and online Media / Did knot say , May God Bless him . Which was My first thought / Alas I am no one special .
They showed me the start of their own Contriversy in the way he lived his life . The Media in this day and age - just are probably part of Problems in everyday life .
History lessons soon to be shown ( First I would like to see each of their Bona fide Educational Degrees in this field of Knowledge ) News is meant to be New Happenings . Knot what We as people have already Experienced REPEATEDLY . Bull Manure running out everytime they speak .
This is My Personal Opinion / Turned the Satelite off years ago , when I started to dream - Commercials - 8 OR 10 IN A ROW .
NO One voted for the media sponsers / they just crawled in under darkness like snakes to bother people .
This is how I Look at Life .
Bottomline Enjoy
Comment by Glock on 28 August 2009:
HUH?
Comment by whurr on 29 August 2009:
@Glock
I believe what he was trying to say was…
The media convolutes the news according to the hypocrisy we know as ‘advertising’. If we layered the influences of our nightly news programs, according to the societal values that intrinsically direct us to watch them, the upper echelon wouldn’t be anything worth noticing because we mass market commercials repeatedly and therefore they control the direction of the news.
oh sorry……………..
He said that the commercials on TV are many…that the news show will do whatever those fools want! Oh yeah…and newscasters are full of shyt because of it maybe even the news itself!
Sorry, I had some weird non-funny moment. I won’t do it again!
Comment by homesteader on 29 August 2009:
Here Here
Comment by Enigma64 on 30 August 2009:
I haven’t had the chance to read all the comments. I’d be here the whole day if I read them all now. However, I want to say that I completely identified with takinitall, because I was under attack by darker skinned women in school for much of the same reasons.
I too was always having to prove my blackness to people here (Florida), and I never had that problem anywhere else in the country.
This mother has taken her insecurity to the extreme, and has only proven on live television, the true extent of her ignorance. She is endangering those children, and years from now, both she and they will undoubtedly suffer the consequences. Look at Michael Jackson for proof of that. He lived in pain.
I find it an ironic thing to see how many people compare this extreme to Tyra and Beyonce and the fact that they wear weave and dye their hair. That is stupid. They are both entertainers, and as such, have some measure of costuming and image requirements. Everything in this society is based on “what’s popular.”
Regardless of race, what’s popular is long hair, and even in many instances, lighter hair. Even white women wear weave to make their own hair appear longer, because that is what’s popular. Look at Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson. White women also bleach their hair lighter. Hispanic women do the same, and I’ve seen Asian women with blonde hair. They are all wearing the same styles in essence, but when black women do it, they are attempting to desert their race? I don’t really think it’s about one culture, more than it’s about a certain look that is popular.
Personally, I don’t have to wear weave or hair pieces. My hair is just beyond my shoulders and is naturally curly. I could wear it curly or blow it out straight, but the fact of the matter is, I’m lazy. I can’t be bothered with much more than a ponytail or a bun when I’m in my element, but when I’m going out somewhere, I don’t have the time, as a single mom to do two hours of work on it, only to have the Florida humidity cut it down to size within 10 minutes. So I may wear wear a piece, a wig or I may go get weave or twists or plats done because I just can’t be bothered.
On the one hand, I hear these naturalist sistas dissin’ other sistas for wearin’ hair and claimin’ that they are trying to distance themselves from their race and try to be white.
On the other hand, I hear other people compare style choices like wearing hair as a self esteem issue and comparing it to an obvious extreme like this foolish woman bleaching herself and her children.
There is no comparison on the two. It’s a matter of preference, and what’s wrong with that? Maybe if some of those women on that video knew how to really enhance their natural black beauty via makeup, accessories, and the style choices available, they’d have more self esteem and wouldn’t resort to something as obviously crazy as bleaching their skin. Perhaps they could appreciate their complexion and beauty.
I’ve done free makeovers on women in homeless centers and many of them have told me that they have never worn makeup; never had their eyebrows plucked and so forth. To receive that kind of special attention is really elevating to their self esteem. I do a facial and pluck their eyebrows and sometimes chins and mustaches is possible, and then do makeup on them. It’s time consuming and tiring because so many come wanting me to do it for them, and I love doing it, but time only permits a few on a given day.
The point is, some women never get to experience something like that. Instead of criticizing, why not help someone who needs to learn how to apply makeup, or needs to be schooled in better fashion choices. Some ask me if I do hair, and I can, but there’s just not time for it in that setting.
Wearing hair or changing hair color is just the same and comparable to changing earrings and jewelry to match an outfit, or utilizing hats, scarfs or other accessories.
You may not change your hair look as frequently, but it is a fashion statement not a cultural one; but it can make a person’s self esteem rise, not fall. Why should they be put down because they have found a way to be stylish that did not resort to such extremes as this foolish woman? That’s my two cents. Peace and blessings.
Comment by francislholland on 15 November 2009:
The Human Genome Project has proved conclusively, based on the mapping of the entire human genome in dozens of people, that “race” does not exist and it never did:
According to the U.S. Department of Energy Office of Science, Office of Biological and Environmental Research, Human Genome Program:
“DNA studies do not indicate that separate classifiable subspecies (races) exist within modern humans. While different genes for physical traits such as skin and hair color can be identified between individuals, no consistent patterns of genes across the human genome exist to distinguish one race from another. There also is no genetic basis for divisions of human ethnicity. People who have lived in the same geographic region for many generations may have some alleles in common, but no allele will be found in all members of one population and in no members of any other.”
So “race” is a fallacy and everyone who uses the word and concept is talking irrational nonsense. Skin color manifestly exists. We can see it. “Race”, we believed, was in our DNA, but the Human Genome Project looked for it in our DNA, mapping the entire human genome, and they can’t find any evidence that “race” exists. That’s because “race” is a fallacy invented by white supremacists to keep Blacks and whites separate and to keep our minds occupied with hate for others and for ourselves.