…“Perhaps one way to see the status of racism is to go to dating sites and check on the preferences of people, the ethnicity is a case in point.”…
When creating your profile on dating sites, one thing one has to fill out is the ethnic preference of your potential mate. ‘I am looking for a man, age: 24-35 of ethnicity: Hispanic.’ Much as there is the option for all ethnicities, being specific kinda narrows down the search to what you consider as the cream of your milk.
When it comes to online dating preferences, most women choose men of their own race and fewer women added Asian/East Indian to their preference list. Racial bias seems to have remained unchanged. Racism still exists and the only thing that has changed seems to be the ethnicity of the ‘stranger’ – from Native American to black, to Hispanic, to Asian, to East Indian etc.
Are interracial dating websites encouraging racism by making such a racial categorization when it comes to stating what you are looking for? Is it ok to let a member state the race of the person they would like to meet or should it be left option in order to discourage prejudice based on ethnicity?
Much as I believe in preference, when we talk of interracial dating, then it should mean open to one after the other – regardless of ethnicity or skin color. I believe that being open – minded and tolerant is the beginning of a non-racist society.
And how do you explain someone who is attracted only to another race? How about those that are open to just one race that aint their own. Does this qualify them as non-racist or will it be politically correct to say that they still think along racial lines = RACISM?
Tags: racism, asian women dating, black dating site
Popularity: 12% [?]
Comment by Glock on 24 December 2007:
I think in American society that we have developed a culture that encourages people to classify everyone as a racist. Even whites who 20 or 30 years ago were put on the defensive and bent over backward to convince someone of color that they were not racist. Now even whites are more inclined to use the accusation of racist and prejudice than they ever were in history.
Why is that? Because the accusation works. It gets attention. It does put people on the defensive. But it’s used way to much in situations that doesn’t even warrant it.
It is human nature to desire to associate with people like ourselves. But it’s also huan nature to be drawn to someone that we find attractive, regardless of “race”. Some people are open and some people are exclusive to their own or another race because that is what their preference is. And what is wrong with that?
We always want to judge people based on what our own idea of how the world should function. If we want to break it down as far as a “racial” preference, then how about those who don’t want to date someone obese, tall, short, skinny, etc., we exclude these people as well but only question it when it comes to the issue of someones race.
Comment by CocoBeBee on 24 December 2007:
I do not date in order to be consider not racist. How dumb is that? I date someone because I am attracted to them. I look at them and think he is sexy. He speaks and I think gawd he is smart too. Really how can you think I could be standing there think I wonder if he considers me non racist for talking to him. Dating preference can be changed but I dont think it should be based on what others think of us. It should be because we want to get to know the person NOT their race.
Comment by Babiegurl on 24 December 2007:
I dont know if racism is encouraged on these dating sites, but I know as a black woman who is interested in dating someone regardless of race, I find it extremely discouraging when I go to the more popular dating websites and I see every ethnicity checked for a preferred woman to date EXCEPT black women…I am like what is wrong with dating an African American woman? It’s degrading and frustrating…Like black women are not worthy or deserving of a white, Asian, Hispanic, or East Indian man’s affection….
Comment by fala on 24 December 2007:
God bless us, every one!
Comment by Raqsi on 25 December 2007:
At the end of the day people want what they want. If you’re not interested in a Black women, let me know. I agree that it’s frustrating to see every box BUT Black checked off, but it saves us from wasting time. If it’s one thing I can’t stand it’s someone who pretends to be open to all races when they clearly have preferences. I think people being able to check a box allows us to be more honest with others (and ourselves) than we would be if we were all in a bar or a club.
And hey, I live in the DC area. I’ve never had a problem meeting Black men. I’m on this site because I’m open to other races too!
Comment by doccwg on 25 December 2007:
Thursday Dec 20
Anna wrote:
Tell me why Beyonce is at number 16 (I think or number 13) on the Maxim Hot 100 List of 2007, and yet Lindsey Lohan is proudly at number 1??? I want to cry and I know you guys will think I am crazy but, it just seems to me that it doesn’t matter how light or dark, successful or intellegent a black woman is - she will never be given the equal share of all the world has to offer as her white counterparts will. When I think about it - I just want to break down sometimes because, I can’t believe life is this damn hard for black people!!!! It’s not even about the list, it’s just the everyday struggle that black women face just to receive a fraction of success. Beyonce has to work her butt off, touring all over the darn place just to stay on top, yet Paris, Lohan, and now this 16 year old sister of Brittney Spears, do nothing but flash their “God-Givens” and they are the best thing known to man - they don’t have to bust their butts life Beyonce. I am sick of it.
Exactly, Anna. Even though there’s a preference for light skin in the African American community, compare to White, Latina, Asian, and, Indian women, I hate to say this, but light-skinned black women will always be at the bottom of the barrel just like their dark-skinned black sisters. That goes to show you, Anna. We can’t talk about light skin and dark skin anymore because BLACK WOMEN OF ALL SHADES ARE BEING S****ED ON!!!!!! I mean, black women of all shades noawadays are the butt of jokes nowadays. Black women was always degraded, but not in higher levels as now!!!!! At least black women back in the 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s were represented in a positive way. We’re living in a time when even light-skinned black women ain’t good enough anymore. First it was dark-skinned black women, then brown skinned black women, and now light skinned black women!!!!! Let’s face it, Anna. No matter what shade we are, we are still considered the least attractive in the broader society. That’s screwed up. How can you put ugly ass Linday Lohan over Beyonce???? Are you kidding me?????
Comment by doccwg on 25 December 2007:
Do black men have more respect for “other” women?yes 16 41%
bw dont respect themselves 16 41%
we try to respect bw 4 10%
most of the time we do 3 7%
Current Total 39
Comment by deeann on 25 December 2007:
doccwg…too much eggnog? Relax! Between the 60’s and 70’s every where you went one could hear the phrase, “Black is Beautiful” that saying was instilled in me. Therefore, I innately believe I am just as good as any other race of female. Some men are openingly being prejudice with their choice of females. Some actually believe they are moving up when they choose the other race? Ok…just remember one day some of those same guys are going to come looking for a great blk. female and she will not be there waiting the way she used to. Press on and do not worry so much about what “they say”.
Comment by Jungle on 25 December 2007:
PLEASE!!!!! Don’t don’t even try to tie racism with romance!…. I am here on the site cause of ATTRACTION! Racism is based on fear and not understanding…I know we all go to extremes to find and prove to the one we love……But Racism?…lets not taint the sheild of true romance with accusations.Romance is a belief of attraction desire attitude and action not built on fear on stepping out side the box of hate is stepping outside your everyday norm comfort zone to grasp life and love away from the ordinary grind. Racism is not and understanding….is a miss understanding. If yall wanto diesect and interracial romance with hypothesis when feeling should be more taken into consideration then maybe you should listen to the heartbeat of an individual ( and we all are our own person) Is not a poll or a senus nor a percentage…
Everybody feels and has attractions and desires… is what drives us and gives us hope and future within ourselves…
Comment by Jungle on 25 December 2007:
Love life and romance vs. misunderstanding and fear…..do you really need to debate?…..Merry Christmas everyone! Hope your season brings us singles closer to couple….
Comment by deeann on 25 December 2007:
jungle…the truth stings.
Comment by idicus on 25 December 2007:
Lord where to begin eh? Hmmm well as a White Man that has dated just about every race so far and/or had a minimum 1 year relationship with i can say this: –Me a racist? YEP, its all in how you treat yourself and everyone else Regardless of race! you work hard everyday? pay your bills? take care of Adult Responibilites? ect? then your a White/Black/Asian/Spanish Adult!
NOW if you get in trouble with the Law, do drugs, cant hold a job….and have a excuse WHY you “cant get a job” all the time….well take every racial word that can be insulting and thats how i look at you (and that covers every race when i look.)
Take your Pick on how you wish to be treated!
Also one of the ways you dress is also a factor…Dress like a Thug? im going to treat you with the contempt like one! Want to be White shave your head and Look likea racist Skinhead and be accused of it? tough! you chose the look, Deal with it!.
“Do dating sites encourage racial prejudice?�
from what ive seen from 2 other Sites? YEP! cant find a black female that sounds intresting enought to talk to cause they are few and far between(i mean very few black people register with these sites). Thats why today i joined this site…..and its a far more active site than the other 2 combined.
i know i missed out saying alot of what i really wanted to cover but this is on the spur post while reading all the blogs. eh? *shrug* look to the future, yet remember the mistakes made in the past.
Merry Christmas All,
Mateo
Comment by idicus on 25 December 2007:
Thursday Dec 20
Anna wrote:
Tell me why Beyonce is at number 16 (I think or number 13) on the Maxim Hot 100 List of 2007, and yet Lindsey Lohan is proudly at number 1???
oh thats so easy to answer…..Beyonce is a Adult Woman that respects herself……while Lindsey Lohan is a whore and a drug addict
Comment by Starthai on 25 December 2007:
Hi Glock, nice to see you back posting:)
Comment by fala on 25 December 2007:
Merry Christmas, My Fellow Bloggers!
Comment by mossimo on 25 December 2007:
Its funny how some women make assumptions on other sites that you prefer a white woman because you are white without even bothering to read the profile. Am sure it happens to women as well.
Comment by Jade74 on 25 December 2007:
Merry Christmas to all.
Comment by ExitDetroit on 26 December 2007:
Hmmm..Very interesting topic! I’m a black man who loves ALL women of all nationalities and hues. BUT…(despite the flack i will get from sistas for saying this) i will tell the truth as a lot of black men who date other women see it. Including myself. IMO, it has a lot less to do with appearance, and more to do with attitude towards life. I’m a chef, skilled in French, and Japanese cuisines among others. I’ve lost count of how many times an evening special of gourmet food was presented to my (mostly black female) waitstaff, only to be responded to with an ugly snarled face. My sistas (black women) are exceptionally good at making ugly faces. Mention an unfamiliar food..ugly face! Mention that you like anything other than R&B (rock for example)..ugly face! Talk about the fact that you (me) used to have long dreadlocks..ugly face!..etc..etc..It’s this kind of attitude towards life, coupled with the fact that most black women simply can’t afford to dress and look as nice as a lot of other women, (not their fault in many cases) that turns intelligent open minded brothas off. And me personally.. LOVE a sista with dreads, braids, an afro..ANYTHING but that bouncin and behavin (chocolate covered white girl) look. (which will also keep them from enjoying the beach or pool with you) I would guess that 99% of black women these days would not be caught dead with a nappy head. But i like women who are authentic with their cultural look. Tell a sista how good she would look with some locks, and what do you get? The ugly face! Now i know that as far as black people go, a lot of our behaviors and attitudes are remnants of racism/slavery itself. But this is the 21st century..and who wants to deal with that mess. Get smart allready people! It can get downright exhausting AND lonely waiting and looking for that progressive sista to come along. Then along comes a white female who doesn’t mind that you like sushi, she likes it too. Doesn’t think your’e wierd for being a black guy listening to rock & roll. (because they actually UNDERSTAND that rock IS black culture anyway) They see your dread locks and just want to touch them instead of thinking they are nasty or whatever. And the BIG thing!!! Many of them (white females) are not as hard pressed for a brotha to be doing better than they are financially. And this, people is how it happens. Now i can’t speak for the white males who run the media..thus..Brittney..Lindsay..and Paris 24/7, but i do believe that once sistas worldwide start loving themselves more..so will everyone else.
Comment by deeann on 26 December 2007:
ExitDetroit…most blk. females are honest about their feelings. Some men do not have a problem with real honesty…not that other race females are not straight forward. Their are blk. females who like wear dreads and so do their men.
However, most other race females are taught to keep their opinions to themselves and some other race females read and study the behavir of blk. men- I have seen other race females buy a certain magazine that is usually read by blk. females…what is that all about? In other words, do what you have to do to get the man. Play up to the guy. Whatever he says smile and laugh.
On the other hand, whatever floats your boat just be honest about it. Men scrutinize all races of females way too much.
Comment by litlemermaid on 26 December 2007:
Happy Holidays all
Comment by fala on 26 December 2007:
Yes Mossimo, it happens to women too.
Comment by mikecharlie on 27 December 2007:
If I may reverse this a bit; I’m finding that Carribean Black women living in the New York City area respond to me at least twenty to one as do their Afro-American sisters. Any reason for this or is it just by chance happening?
Comment by vt33 on 27 December 2007:
Wow this blog is pulling the dirt out the clothes!
Lets get to the nitty gritty. Truth, black, white, puerto rican, pink, purple, yellow, green. Yes it is color, culture what have you. Dating sites, do they encourage racism? In the broad scheme of things yes they do! Simply because of the words that are tagged to the websites addy, hence, afro romance, black love, yadda yadda. Its like the addy, sugadaddy.com, of course we all know what a “sugadaddy”is and there are women who are in search of them.
Freedom to seek love, is everyones God given right. Yet society of course says, yes and no to what is acceptable. Lets keep this on the real, how many people really need to go to a “interracial dating site” to meet black or white. NO ONE! I think it is a little out there when the question is presented, “your preference”. hmmm!
Everyone resides in a location where both races and a few more are clearly present so to date outside of “your race” isn’t a hard thing. I have read a few of these blogs and some of you got some issues here. Beyounce, being numbers below Lindsay and people are pissed at that. Dumb me thinking, what more can I do to stop global warming! Dude, with the whole, “Carribean Black women and Afro-American sisters”. First off, we are all “women” the need to seperate both cultures appears to be somthing that you are into. Keep in mind Mike, we all got captured around the same time on the coast of Africa, some just went further south and some made it to American shores, so we are all “BLACK WOMEN” no need to seperate the two. I find that a insult just saying, women and sister, it’s like you are putting one above the other, and we are all the same. BLACK WOMEN! Perhaps you need to be honest about which you prefer, carribbean or american women?
Nothing wrong with picking which you perfer, be honest!
To the blogger, who made reference to his preference of all races and he gets flack! Here one for you and you really need to ask yourself this on the serious note, the other day , two gentlemen where at my job, and two ladies were sitting on the opposite side of them, I came thru doing my duties, and the both of them were trying to clown me, to impress the two ladies sitting across from them. I knew what the game was, I have been a part of this many many times before, and I am just the one to stand up and let you know that sh**t don’t fly over here!
To try and clown a black woman in front of white women seems to be the game that men like to play..”impress them”, “belittle her” and then when black women pick up on it, and turn the tables it is called “flack” or “hating”. Here’s a little secret, a lot of black women aren’t hating or giving you flack because you choose to date outside of the race. It’s you, because you act a fool, when you see a different race and you already say in your mind, “she gonna act like this, so let me put my defensive up”, lot of black women are and have already “jumped the fence”, so it is moreless ego that is giving you the “flack”. Oh yeah and EXIT, I am a big fan, Van Morrison, The Doors, Kenny Rogers, Tom Jones, Skynard, Seal and a host of other music. I dig Japanese, food and am a fan of anything that can be Tempuraed, I like seaweed paper, not a fan of caviar,(a little to salty for me) but can eat it on one of those swanky crackers. I like Indian food, Thai, Vietnames, Italian, oh yeah Gourmet food, really isn’t a big deal, most of it is southern infused anyway. Southerns been putting bacon, on everything for years all of a sudden now, bacon wrapped shrimp, is gourmet, frying somthing in duck fat is gourmet. Putting, sauce on chicken is gourmet, and most of the sauce, is nothing but preserved fruit, which last I check, is a southern thing. Fish and Shitake mushrooms, gourment. Last I checked, eggs used to be fried in bacon grease, fish was always served with grits, and mushroom soup always had cream and some sort of pork fat in it. This months Essences stated black women were ranked pretty high on how much money black women spend on fashion. Keep in mind, a lot of black women do wear 500 dollar shoes, and carry bags outside of Coach, I personally am a big fan of Cole Hann, and Marc Jacobs. Last I checked, I cut all my hair off so it would look good when its wet and I can whip it back into shape real quick. I also like how you just put down black women from the begining to the end of your blog. Nice going EXIT you just did the same thing Kanye, Maury, music video, and society has done. Labeled us below nothing. Read Cane River,by Lalita Tademy, and see what happans in society, when you try to change and filter to make somthing better, you still aren’t accepted, by your own and others. Keep in mind EXIT there are a lot of black women out there who are trying to impress “your type”, to no end, bypassing child bearing years, getting PH.D’s, so they can get these six figure positions, spending thousands of dollars on weaves, half a years salary on fashion, to be told they are good at making the “ugly face”.
No one, loves black women, like black women loves themselves. Yes black women loves themselves more, than anyone else in the world. We are not viewed sexy, beautiful, desireable anymore. Strip clubs, porn, music video, Kanye West, Maury Povich show, and people, these factors don’t all put the spotlight on us in a very postive light.
I’ll leave it at this, doesn’t matter who you are and where you come from, racism doesn’t have to be stated bam in your face, by a dating site as you can see from the bloggers, the seed has already been planted and it is growing at alarming rates. No photosynthesis needed. Just shows racism, will never die. I know this much my son ever comes home, talking some of this crap that I read to day I will smack him so hard, his blood line that started in Africa will feel it.
I guess some evil will come from this blog towards me. So I have to put on my thick skin..lol
Till the next episode!
Comment by deeann on 27 December 2007:
STANDING OVATION FOR VT.
Comment by deeann on 27 December 2007:
New Year, New start!
A reminder to all ladies and teen girls…Love yourself enough not to allow anyone to be abusive to you.
Comment by nfpexec on 27 December 2007:
I dont think asking the question regarding race encourages racism. Either you are a racist or you arent. Personally, I read the entire profile with preferences before I respond to an email. I am annoyed at men who check off every box BUT African American, but if he does contact me, I tell him directly that I am not interested because he’s not doing me a favor by responding to my profile. I am just as direct with them. I will respond if a man leaves the boxes unchecked or doesnt specify. The sites dont encourage racism they just bring out the truth that someone may be hiding and spares me the trouble of rooting it out at a later time and wasting my time.
Comment by idicus on 28 December 2007:
ExitDetroit— i agree with Some of the things you have said. i cant stand rap or hiphop for 1 reason, its a insult to women (well rock can do it alot too.. thats why i enjoy the music, but never watch the videos)YET there are some rappers out there that respect black women…Will Smith is one i will Always listen too, although most of my black co-works will laugh when i tell them they should listen to him instead of 50-cent and P-Diddy.its that sad.
and i also have to agree…hmm last time a saw a black woman with dreadlock or a fro? hmmm 25+ years ago? black women are looking more and more white with their hair…(which i cant say anything about, maybe they like it cause its easier to manage or ? i keep my hair Short myself.)
DeeAnn–In other words, do what you have to do to get the man. Play up to the guy. Whatever he says smile and laugh.
play Up to a guy? i would perfer a woman just to let her personality catch my attention….
VT33–Lets keep this on the real, how many people really need to go to a “interracial dating site” to meet black or white. NO ONE! I think it is a little out there when the question is presented, “your preference”. hmmm!
hmmm ME, im white and moved to a SMALL town in redneck part of Texas(took job offer from Monster.com)….if you can find 1 and i really MEAN 1 black person within 15 miles of me they are driving through the area at 80 miles an hour.
I know this much my son ever comes home, talking some of this crap that I read to day I will smack him so hard, his blood line that started in Africa will feel it.
Comment by that could work on 28 December 2007:
Idicus…you know darn well there are females who were taught the “smile and laugh” and “Tell the guy what he wants to hear” theories. Marry the richer guy and have the blk. stud as a side dish. These types of behaviors are still happening.
Many Asian and wht. females are the experts… actually, good for them. If you are going to lay with a guy one may as well get something out of it and there are men who will agree.
Comment by Freedom on 28 December 2007:
One site that absolutely does spread racism at the site administration level is the free dating site called Plenty of Fish. If you sign up on that site as African-American, you will see your profile ethnicity listed as Black. That wouldn’t be so bad if when you did a search by ethnicity all peoples other than African descendents were listed by geographic ethnicity (Caucasian, Asian, Middle Eastern) but instead of African the term Black is used.
I even wrote the site administrator to explain that this special treatment sends an unconscious message to the millions of people using the site that says that all people come from somewhere on Earth, except Black people. This is the most pernicious sort of racism, the kind that does brainwashing without people even knowing they are mentally being influenced. I explained in my letter to the admin that he surely didn’t want to be spreading racism, given how much harm it has done in the lives of so many people. His response was to leave Black in the list without adding African, but change Caucasian/White to just Caucasian and add a second white choice of European.
My response was to change my ethnicity on my profile to Other Ethnicity, since I consider myself to be African, not black. Black is a political concept, just as white it, while African and European/Caucasian is an actual ethnicity.
Comment by idicus on 29 December 2007:
*grumbles* i blogged 1/2 of what i wrote out of screen…..didnt even get to the fun part….*grins evilly* at least i can tell when i need to shut up eh?
Comment by vt33 on 29 December 2007:
Seems to me idicus, you have what is called “HIDDEN RACISM” (said with a loud echo please). “Redneck town, if you can find 1 black person with in 15 miles, they are driving thru at 80 mph”.
Thats funny!
Screams racism, against your own. Real people know that if a black persons goes thru a town that has “REDNECKS” they aren’t doing 80mph, because that means they will get stopped. Those of us who knows what that means you can fill in the blanks.
My point to some people making statements are clear and I am sure understood. The reason why I would smack my son for saying the stuff I read is,
how could you say things about a person who resembles the person who carried you for 9 months and raised you for 21 years. I am to be celebrated not berated, or belittled.
Also I don’t find grace in putting down black men, because my father is black, and I have respect for him, because without him I would not be here. Food for thought, I was always told, “to SEE where you are going, you must KNOW where you come from.
idicus, get clued in , you are excatly the topic of the blog. Dating sites encouraging racism. Your blog screams it, and not only in black but white as well. Oh yeah idicus, dreads made a comeback, like, 15 years ago. Looking more and more white he says, what is your ideal of looking more and more white idicus? Weaves, psst, white girls get weaves, and they go hard too with the glue and wefts of hair so what are you implying, that we are looking more and more white. Heres another one for you idicus, white girls get corn rows to, next time you venture out of the “redneck town” you live in , go down to the beaches in the carribbean and see who’s sitting there getting their hair braided. Watch this one ladies, he is just here to sample..lol
Stay true to yourself! Out!
Comment by riverrunsred on 29 December 2007:
Racism is the one thing that keeps this country and world from moving forward. I am so tired of my family asking me ” Hey Riv, Why do you like black girls”. That in a whole is what this world is about. I then return ask them why do you like white women. That will usually have them starrin and the floor or change of subject real fast.
Comment by ExitDetroit on 29 December 2007:
Huh!!!!!????
Comment by ladylight on 29 December 2007:
Preference is now seen as racism? We cant like everyhing and everyone. Because I am black and brothers want to date women of other race, does that has to offend me? Cause Ã? dont feel left out. Why do some women do then? It is not even about that. It is about what you like in a man. I like a man who I can talk to, relate to, a man with a different cultural background atracks me a lot. My own race, well for me it feels like, been there, done that, with exeptions ofcourse. Should I be hung for that? No, it just makes me, me. And we should not winge on about how we feel discriminated by others because they are not into us. There are many that do like us. And we should feel blessed.
Comment by ball123 on 29 December 2007:
ladylight…preference is simply another take on racism. Only, this time it is from within. ok, you prefer black guys good for you and yes, i agree with you I do not believe white guys really care about your “prefer”.
Comment by Lyn335 on 30 December 2007:
I am a white male and I love black women. If this makes me a racist I give up! At the end of the day we all have preferences. Some like tall and thin, some like big and beautiful, etc. Let’s face it, we all do that! I am sorry if that offends anyone. I don’t want to spend my life with someone because it is expected of me. I want to be with someone that I feel at ease with and who loves me. My relationships with black women have been nothing short of wonderful. I remain devoted to ladies of color!
Comment by Rivax on 30 December 2007:
I think that online dating has nothing to do with racism… we are dating on a virtual world and the virtual often reflects the real world… The virtual can erase the real. But the online dating site enhances prejudices on skin colour, body shape, visible and invisible handicaps etc…
I really mean that a beautiful woman is beautiful in any colour, red,yellow, black, green,rose, blue, white… a sensual woman is sensual in any flavour… I myself like the woman first, her personality,her body and maybe her skin colour if it is smooth…
Comment by linny98 on 30 December 2007:
whenis this all gonna stop, we are here looking for the one person to be with,in terms of a complete happinss,not because of their colour..what ever our preference are..and on the dating site selection, i think i s best if they list it plain and simple..man and a woman..fullstop.everyone who visit whatever site, all know what preference they after..i do not think there is even a need to clarify or distinguish people by colour..whats with all,caribean black, african american,black of non african decent..all this is just to even discriminate between all people of colour, mind u even caucasian of european decent, all this is just crap..there are whites born in africa, why is the no reference to them too, e.g white of african decent..does that mean that is not white is too good to come from africa?..
Comment by Lyn335 on 30 December 2007:
Linny is right (my opinion…sorry). Let’s all just try to understand each other. Race should be a non-issue.
Comment by Lyn335 on 30 December 2007:
I forgot to add this: Dating should be a matter of man and woman (or whatever), not black or white, yellow or green, etc. Genetically in a few generations (ok…maybe longer) we will all be the same color. What’s gonna happen then? Prejudice by hair color, weight, age…let’s spend more time finding that special person than beating this dead horse again.
Comment by ball123 on 30 December 2007:
Lynn335…LOL, do you really believe everyone will be one colour? You are so, Funny.
Comment by tiger on 30 December 2007:
I remember high school. None of the black guys wanted to date me, they all wanted to date the white girls. Does that mean they were taught to self-hate? No, by numbers alone there were 8 black guys in the whole school and I was one of 3 total black girls. So, should they have all wanted to date me?? I don’t think so. Now I walk down the street and see black guys with black, hispanic, white, asian and indian or middle eastern girls. And vice versa and every version in between. I think this new generation is really getting the point. Whatever ‘color’ you prefer, we are all still one thing and one thing only: HUMAN. I realize that this concept is hard to get because American and European society teaches this to us from day one. But we are all human, not some totally unrelated species, based purely on what the outside color of our skin is, the curl of our hair, or the shape of our eyes. If that was the case, My mom would be Asian and White as well as Black. Her eyes are shaped just like asians and she’s a pale color and her hair was red when she was born.
History has enlightened us that all of us came from similar origin. So, trace your family tree and tell me that there is not one white person in a ‘Black’ family. Do the same with ‘White’ people and tell me the same… It just won’t happen.
Oh, and think about this: When a male dog sees a female dog in the park, does it say before it humps the female; Are you the same species as me? lol
Comment by Lyt on 31 December 2007:
First off let’s define racist and racism
Racist:
1.a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one’s own race is superior and has the right to rule others.
2. hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.
Racism:
1. The belief that race accounts for differences in human character or ability and that a particular race is superior to others.
2. Discrimination or prejudice based on race.
Now answer me this, where does my preference for who I want to date and marry put me in the catagory of thinking one race is more superior than the other? This is one stupid topic. What am I prejudiced against Chocolate Ice Cream because I like Black Cherry more. Let’s not make Butter Pecan mad now. It’s called a preference, nothing more. Something I PREFER is to date white men. It’s not to say I don’t date black men or haven’t found a Mexican attractive. If you are going to print something make it make some sense to me. This doesn’t!!!
Comment by kirabira on 31 December 2007:
i like this
Comment by Lyn335 on 1 January 2008:
It’s fairly obivious by the comments here that this is a non-issue for most of us. Why would we be members of an interacial dating site if we were racists.
I don’t want to get into semantics and Lyt has made quite a fine job of clearing that up anyway.
I pray we all find that special person this year.
Happy New Year to all. God bless us all.
Comment by ZoraNeale on 1 January 2008:
Happy New Year, Everyone…
It seems I’ve missed some fireworks of a different sort…
To answer the initial question, YES, dating sites do encourage racial prejudice. I first started a couple years ago on mainstream dating sites such as eHarmony, True, The Right Stuff, and the Square. eHarmony is a site that selects potential matches to its members, rather than have a free for all. When asked what my preferences were, the site **strongly** recommended that I select males of my own “race” as I would have better “success” that way. I’m not even sure I could have completed the initial questionnaire on eHarmony without selecting males of my own “race.” This recommendation, however, belied my experience in the real world.
The pool of males on True were interesting to interact with, but there was no guarantee that they would be interested in dating interracially; identified or self-selected themselves as being interested in dating interracially, nor had even thought about dating interracially. Both the Right Stuff and The Square, were communities for Ivy League educated individuals; they were both “non-starters” for me.
I have even contacted two matchmaking services… a couple of years ago, Valenti graciously and very professionally stated that I was not a good candidate for their service. I say “graciously” because I recently contacted Steve and his mama Joann Ward at mastermatchmaker dot com. Steve is a very immature and spoiled 27 year old. He perfunctorially made derisive comments leading me to the conclusion that I was not good enough for his service. He called me “bitter”. This did not dissuade me, however, because calling a black woman “bitter” is like calling a strongminded woman of any race the OTHER “b” word. I thought perhaps the mother, being older and more mature, would be more professional and customer service oriented. She called me on the phone and stated that I am nothing to them.
The mythology of romantic love in the Christian world means that “love” and “relationships” are often viewed as something akin to a human right. It is more difficult for African-American women to find quality relationships in a society that is degrading toward African-Americans in general.
Comment by ZoraNeale on 1 January 2008:
Freedom, wrote:
[quote]One site that absolutely does spread racism at the site administration level is the free dating site called Plenty of Fish. If you sign up on that site as African-American, you will see your profile ethnicity listed as Black. That wouldn’t be so bad if when you did a search by ethnicity all peoples other than African descendents were listed by geographic ethnicity (Caucasian, Asian, Middle Eastern) but instead of African the term Black is used. [/quote]
Comment by ZoraNeale on 1 January 2008:
Freedom:
The man who runs POF out of his apartment is an Australian. He lives in Australia. Keep in mind that socio-racial constructs mean different things in different countries. In a country such as Australia with a large Aboriginal population, perhaps the term “Black” is more appropriate.
In the United Kingdom, the term “Black” includes Southeast Asians, Africans, as well as people of West Indian (Carribean) origin. The term “Black” means different things in different parts of the world. In Italy, the term “Black” could denote Sicilian…
If he included an entry for African-Americans, then that would open up a can of worms for other terms, such as Carribean-Americans; British-Americans; Latino-Americans, Scottish-American and who knows what else ON A GLOBAL SCALE. If it is really important to you, you could further explain what your exact racial origin is.
I am about to go make an orange juice mimosa…
Cheers…
ZN
EDITORS NOTE:
The man who runs Plenty Of Fish is actually Canadian and runs it from Canada not Australia and he isn’t Australian
Comment by REDMIRROR on 2 January 2008:
It is true that white women are considered prettier and better than black women. we are given little hints that tell us to straighten our hair, change our dark hair to light hair and be the shadow of a white person. i am sick and tired of seeing this fake looking ugly brown/white wig color that black women are encouraged to get because (it looks nice with your complexion) or it looks better. You know the beyonce hair weave color.
my hair is jet black and its staying that way and i will not be programmed to believe that if i lighten my hair color that i will be a better and prettier person. The hitler hair program is if your dark haired your better color would be light brown or jet blonde. thats why paris hilton”s friend nicole richie died her pretty dark hair jet yellow she was raised to believe you are only pretty and refined if you are a blonde white woman. now she looks like the proper blonde clone the white world wants. i was in the club at PURE last night and paris hilton showed up she was high on liquor and dancing on top of the d.j.’s turntable station shaking her panties at people. I was shocked to see her in person acting
like your average pole dancer gettin loose, when the press always says how beautiful and special she is. now if a black star did that they would call her a ho and slut and bring up the reasons why noone likes black people. but when a white star does it people cheer them on and think its cute.
I realize in this world no one will respect me, noone will love me, noone will care about me, noone will treat me equally, noone will think i am beautiful and i will always be urinated one for a white person’s benefit and pleasure. But at least i know who i really am and i love and care about myself no matter how much someone else hates my guts.
Comment by REDMIRROR on 2 January 2008:
Black women are looked at as dirty and slutty, I think thats funny because how can we sleep around when noone wants to sleep with us! There are white people that believe because our skin is dark brown and purplish around our pubic areas that it means we are dirty and unclean. you are only healthy and attractive if your pubic areas are pink and red like white people’s pubic areas are. And then we have the lovely people that believe that black people are responsible for all crimes, one radio host even went so far as to say that the crime rate would go down if you kill black babies.
Yet they have not given a logical explanation for the wonderful contributions to society by humanitarians such as henry lee lucas, john wayne gacy, jeffrey dahmer, and theodore robert bundy.
Mr. bundy whom after reading a slip of paper that showed his biological parents were not who he thought they were spent several years dedicated to kidnapping, raping, and killing as many women as possible. He did all of this while expertly pretending to be hurt in a cast and even going so far as to act like he had true human feelings of love for these women In order to get close enough to cut them up and put their heads, and all that other stuff that gets in the way in Lake Sammamish when he was finished consulting with them. He did the stuff most sociopaths find hard to do, {like smiling, laughing, and sometimes even saying the words i love you) all In an effort to accomplish his goals. But wait a minute though, these scholars were white, so should we blame the spirits of the black babies that were aborted during the lives of these philanthropists for not doing their jobs: making the crime rate go down???
Comment by ameriea on 3 January 2008:
RedMirror…
I really like the way you write/express yourself. You make your point(s) without being crude.
This is classic: “He did all of this while expertly pretending to be hurt in a cast and even going so far as to act like he had true human feelings of love for these women In order to get close enough to cut them up and put their heads, and all that other stuff that gets in the way in Lake Sammamish when he was finished consulting with them.”
Love the word consulting.
I do not have much to add this time because what you said was on point.
As for others thinking that, “Black women are looked at as dirty and slutty.”…
I behave so ladylike to everyone (all colors and creeds) that NO ONE thinks of me as slutty. This is what more Black women need to practice [I can tell that you behave ladylike as well].
Comment by MYSTERYBLOGGER on 3 January 2008:
DOES ANYONE THINK THE TERM ‘AFRO’ ROMANCE IS UNSUITABLE. I ASK BECAUSE THE TERM AFRO-CARIBBEAN IS TERMED RACIAL TO MANY PEOPLE? DISCUSS
Comment by MYSTERYBLOGGER on 3 January 2008:
* MORE SO IN THE UK UNSURE ABOUT THE US
Comment by MYSTERYBLOGGER on 3 January 2008:
I MEAN WHAT ABOUT WHITE, ASIAN LATINOS ETC. THE NAME OF THE SITE ASSUMES ITS JUST FOR ONE ETHNIC GROUP, AND THAT TERM AFRO ITSELF IS SEEN AS A RACIAL SLURR ?
Comment by ,ds on 3 January 2008:
Hey i would like to take ur afro for a date tonight, well sorry dude i not liking ur fro lol
Comment by vt33 on 3 January 2008:
hmmm!
A lot of dirty clothes in the hamper again…funny.
Uh RedMirror, I am not sure what part of the USA you live in, but where I am from The New York Post, slams your Pure dance buddy, Paris Hilton, every single chance they get. (read Page6 when she does somthing slutty). Brittany Spears, isn’t a natural blond either,(Page6 rips her, Lynn and now preggers baby sister to shreds) yet i don’t see you mentioning her in your blog as a ditzy blond. As far as Nicole Ritchie goes she’s hispanic, my hair stylist is hispanic, and she dyes her hair blond and always have, Marilyn Monroe is my stylist icon the color of your hair doesn’t make or break you, red go thru little Havana, thats all you see bottled blonds and red lipstick. I think it’s cute, tan, bronze and dark skins with blond. “Thats hot”. Besides, RedMirror, I don’t see you slamming MJB she is the hair color queen, and she hasn’t changed kept it real thru and thru, yet you slam Beyounce. hmmm! J-Lo isn’t excatly dark haired either, with the help of Ms. Clairol yet she was a Hollywood harlet. Beyounce, well am sure her natural hair color is somewhere around the sandy brown hue, she just lightned it.
Red Mirror, I see a lot of racism towards your own in your blog. Look at it from this angle, Don Imus, said somthing stuiped, got fired and came back bigger and better. Paris Hilton, did somthing stuiped got jailed, cried and came back into social graces. Brandy Norwood, had a serious accident, quit her commitments to her tv program, been cleared and off the hook. Michael, playing with little kids, don’t understand that sh**t, yet he has not been jailed but still has been able to come back into the good grace fold.
Scott Peterson, well last I checked he still hasn’t been granted the “logical explanation” you speak of for his crime. The woman who cut her husband up and thru him in suitcases, off the Maryland Coast and came back to Jersey, is now convicted. No “logical explanation” for her yet. You see where I am going here people.
Red whoever this radio person was who said, if you “kill all the black babies crime will go down”. Here is your dose of reality. Black Children already are at risk for crime, 85% of our children are born out of wedlock, born to drug adddicted mothers, born to HIV mothers, left in maternity wards, born to teens and the baby’s grandmother was a teen mother herself. The Foster care system are loaded with black and hispanic children needing homes. Most of these children have physical and mental health issues and it is hard to find a home for these children and or relatives don’t want them. The Radio personality who said that took a view from our reality in the communities we live in.
A lot of our young are in gangs now, not church anymore. A lot of our youth don’t attend school, but they attend the streets and do stuiped stuff. A lot of our youth don’t graduate college, but they are home tending babies. Keep in mind folks, people on the outside are always looking in and what they see, is what they judge and make comments on. Your radio personalities comments are ass backwards, crime IS what’s killing our black babies. Those of us who are on our uppity high horse, worrying about some folks in the meida and not getting involved are the reasons why our children are getting sucked into dispair.
Think about the last person who wasn’t a relative you looked up to and strived to be like him or her. Mines was a teacher at my school, she had such grace, and was always polished, she talked proper, NO slang, perfect grammer. Our children don’t see that any more. You talk about what “white people believe”. Let them beleive what they want, they have their own little secrets that they are ashamed of.
Believe- verb-accept as true
Fact-noun- somthing known to have occured or to be true.
Both words tried and true, ones a verb a action, ones a noun person, place or thing. White, Pink, Purple, can “BELIEVE’ what they want if you don’t have “FACTS” then what you believe can’t be proved.
I don’t know who is or isn’t loving you red, but I do love myself, and wouldn’t change one thing about me. I don’t need to lay on no beach or get sprayed, or lay on a toaster oven to look brown. I don’t need to shove jelly in my chest to look full. I don’t need to shoot lotion additives in my lips to have the soup cooler look.
Will-noun- desire, choice, pleasure. volition.
Redmirror, you hollering about no one “will” do this or that for you. Suga you suppose to do all that for yourself. The definition says, desire, choice, pleasure, all of those three words are within yourself. Stop putting yourself down and placing yourself up. pfft.
Fact Lena Horne, Ruby Dees, Phylica Rashad, Debbie Allen, Leotyne Price, Susan Taylor, Eartha Kitt, Cecily Tyson, Debbie Morgan, all run the gautlet from light to dark, from split tooth to straight tooth and from “good hair” to kinky. Fact is every single one of them are beautiful. Fact every single one desires and receives respect. Fact every single one has someone who has or currently cares and loves them. Fact every single one is treated equally and with high respect. I don’t know what black women’s club you belong too. Those women at the top of the paragraph, I am in that club. Trust me anyone who steps out of line they get put right back into check, don’t matter if they black or white! (ty Michael)
Point, people, RACSISM is rooted within your mind. Everyone feels contempt for the other, and it looks like black women from this blog put themselves down. For what I don’t know, last I checked, I am the sh**t. Those fools acting a fool, thats them. I see, the cute little spanish boys, looking at me, I still make the cute white boys blush, and I can still turn a few black mens heads. Point beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
From the looks of things, a great majority of people are pissed off at the dating sites, because of the word “Preference”. What do you do when you are in a store and you were waiting and someone places “Preference” over you and you were in line waiting for help or a purchase. You say somthing get moved to the proper place and pay for you item. Wrong! you drop whatever you were going to purchase right there on the floor, or converyer belt, and make sure the cashier or sales person sees you, and EXIT, STAGE, LEFT, with grace and style. Fact, that grabs attention, and also sets the tone, that you will not tolerate “Prefrence”, you want equality. Besides, thats what I do when people do that mess. You Will RESPECT ME.
OOPS..over did it again..Sorry!
Comment by outri on 3 January 2008:
I don’t think they promote racism. I believe they cater to the preference of those who prefer someone out of their out ethnicity.
Comment by Lora47 on 3 January 2008:
Well, here goes my first “blog” I am a white woman who “prefers” black men. That doesn’t mean that I don’t think men of other races are attractive, that is just my “preference”. When I look at a man, the color of his skin is not the first thing I see. It could be a fabulous smile, it could be that little seductive look in his eye, or let’s be honest, it could be a great bod, with large bicepts and washboard abs! I can be attracted to men that are very different from each other. There is not just one thing that gets my attention. But I do notice that when I am out with a blk man I get (some) dirty looks from blk women. This used to bother me a great deal, but I’ve gotten over it. I know what I like, and truthfully, I don’t think it is anyone elses place to put me down for it. If more people focused on what made THEMSELVES happy and stopped looking for things in other people to put down, I think the world would be a much better place to live in. I think it is a shame that we look at people and make assumptions on their physical appearence. By looking at someone on the outside,you have no idea what is in their mind, spirit or heart. I really just do not understand the whole concept of prejudice. We are all just people. We can’t change what has happened in the past but we can make the future (and the present) a better place to be. Good luck to everyone in their search for true love, and may we all have a Happy New Year!
Comment by tiger on 3 January 2008:
Just one quick comment. VT, Nicole Richie is black and white. Her dad is Lionel Ritchie who is black and her mother is Jewish.
I think the ultimate point is, white society has made being a person of color out to be a bad thing. Its just time for people to realize that it’s a numbers game. The world is 6 billion. Mostly ‘minority’ since Chinese and Indians are 2+ billion of the population. Then add all the other ‘minorities’ and mixed color people and that’s about 70+% of the world population. That tells me something: we are NOT the ‘minority’. It’s enough to make alot of ‘Caucasian’ people scared.
But really- we all came from the same place and we are all HUMAN. This is just a political game that’s made us separate. As long as people of a darker skin color feel less than and inferior, as well as confusing ourselves with in-fighting, we will miss the major point: We still allow Whites to define and denigrate us, as well as control the money and politics.
Now is this a bad thing? Only the part that keeps us separate is bad, (’cause I love all people equally.). Only the part the allows us to feel so bad about who we are we try to hide it or dress it up as something else. Yes, I come from African roots. As well, as White and Native American roots. Not one part of it should cause me shame. Too bad no one else has got that message.
We’ve had 2008 years of industrial revolution, computer technology, and medical miracles. Yet we’re still bogged down by something as simple as what color we are? How sad is that? When we look at paintings it’s the colors that make it beautiful. When you see a tiger it’s yellow, white and BLACK, but the BLACK and white ones are more reveered. Roses and tulips are considered rare, but rarer still if it’s a BLACK one. So, why are brothers killing brothers, whites killing brothers and vice versa, and people blaming society downfalls on blacks? We’re 20-25% of US population and only 30% of the crime. 80% of all prisoners are white. Obviously no one heard the report from the prison system statistic count? Yet, the second me and my mom get on a elevator, white ladies grab their purse. Like grabbing it would keep it safe if I was going to rob them, anyway??? LOL. Nowadays, you can’t count on just the color of someone’s skin to tell you if they’ll rob/rape/kill you, anyway.
—-2008 and everyone is still asleep. WAKE UP!!!!!!
Comment by sasa on 3 January 2008:
Sometimes maybe like that. But there are still some cool site to join. I just joined a site casualpal.com and met a cool black man, he was humorous and active, I liked him very much. We’re going to have a wonderful night this weekend.
Comment by vt33 on 4 January 2008:
lol@tiger, Nicole Ritchie, is the niece of Sheila E. Remeber her, Glamrous life. Nicole was adopted by, Lionel and Brenda Ritchie, who are both black. Being that she is the offspring of Sheila E’s brother and a female band member at the time, that makes her HISPANIC…lol
Now Lionels second set of offspring, their mother may be Jewish. Quick Comment..lol..again trying to clown me, never fails, a so called brother man who wants to show who he is always got to take a sister girl out to make his point. When Lionel did Oprah, Nicole was on the show, and they both said that, she was adopted, and she is the niece of Sheila E.
Tiger when’s the last time you filled out a Cencus form or any other form printed in the USA that did not have the color choices available. Sure we all come from the same place, but the world seperates the colors. Minorities, have always been considered, blacks and hispanic’s in AMERICA. Around the world that’s a whole different ball of wax. Also hence the words AFFIRMATIVE ACTION (pfft yeah right joke those two word), that was designed to allow MINORITIES, a fair and equal chance at jobs, schooling, and the like
Lets not confuse this either tiger, in other countries, people of darker hues are treated as inferior. Brazil, for example, the Brazilians who have attained their African looks are treated horrible. Watch the documentary on IFC channel, Bus 57, it plugs the life of a Brazilian and the system that keeps him and his commorades down. Mainly because of their color.
Also the whites have not controlled the money in this world for years. You need to see the Optician and get a thorugh eye exam. Open your eyes, Arabs, Japanese, Jews they control the money in the world. How do you think they built Dubai, on white folks money? How do you think Japan has billionaries popping up all over the place? Jewish, how do you think they control the media in every angle? MONEY, POWER, RESPECT, key to life you say.
Medical Miracles, I think not, they still haven’t came up with a cure for AIDS or Cancer. Yet they can shrink peoples stomachs so they can slim down and die a slow death to be slim. Doesn’t look like they are going to try real hard to find one both AIDS and CANCER generate money, for drug makers. Plus the AIDS is the highest killer among blacks and hispanics in the USA, next to heart dieases, now what does that tell you. Still upset when those white women grab their purse when you and your mom walk on the elevator. I think there are more pressing issues, than you focusing on some dingy broads in a elevator.
Robbing them of what? It’s to late, the robbing and raping, murder has never stopped. It’s done more openly then it was many, years ago. It’s just done more civilized and more if you will “diplomatic”. You may have a point on the political part of the blog. The rest well…! They rob you of your right to exist and be treated fairly and just, the rape you to obey laws that were designed to control “you”. They kill, you because you feel the defeat, and you give up on the struggle , thus you have subcummbec to their will.
Those people who define and degenerate “YOU TIGER” then you need to stand up for yourself. No one defines who you are but you. No one degenerates you but you. You read the books, and follow the words, yet you don’t open your eyes to see what the gift of knowledge really is. Put your numbers out to read and impress those who are not clued in. You are one of those folks who were mad at Bill Cosby for his comments a couple of years ago aren’t you? Heres somthing for you to digest, read Tony Browns, Black Lies White Lies, you might get a better grip on your figures and your black rare tulips.
I am such a kill joy!
Comment by tiger on 5 January 2008:
Vt…didnt know nicole was adopted. Anyway, I’m a female and wasn’t clowning on you at all. Nope, you’re not a killjoy. And I don’t feel denegrated but I know many who have, that’s what I was talking about. And How many Middle Eastern nations are considered a world power? Much less Japan or even Jewish people. No, America is considered the world power and who controls it: White America. Bill Cosby’s comment? Don’t remember, so I guess it didn’t bother me. Nor does it bother me about the elevator thing, I just think it’s sad to see this still even now.
I don’t know why you felt the need to attack when I was only agreeing with you, just disputed the Nicole thing, which my bad… And if you want figures in a state by state breakdown of prison census, look it up on the net. There’s also one of the total federal prison population. I know this because I helped write a paper for school about that. And as far as knowledge goes, whatever I don’t know today, I’m opening to learning tomorrow. Me and my black rare two lips…lol
Comment by vt33 on 5 January 2008:
yawn!
Comment by Aimnoire on 5 January 2008:
Everybody seems to know better than the other. When will this bickering stop? I thought at highschool
right at ya vt33
Comment by Idicus on 6 January 2008:
hmmm * makes new whiskey and coke drink before responding after a week vacation*
Vt33— hmmm maybe you need to reread my post (well the post i left that didnt get cut off)
ya i moved to a small redneck town ( im a REDNECK, but not the racism kind of this small town, hell for past 20 years all i have dated is black females! Why? cause i find them honest and real *shrug*.
when i mean “the only black people you will find in this town is those travelling through town at 80 miles an hour”…simple WHO in the HECK would want to Stop here for anything but gas and snakes before driving on?(btw, i can ask a girlfriend of mine from Austin texas to respond also…she will tell you flat out, i live in a racist small minded pissant town…after 2 “lunchdates” (we are simply friends) she flat out refuses to come to my town ever again(well NOT MY town, this town im in makes me sick)
both times i took her to lunch you could HEAR others talking about ” look at the white boy and his N gf”
Comment by Idicus on 6 January 2008:
vt33–we all got captured around the same time on the coast of Africa, WE WHO? i dont recall any slave ships in the last 100 years.*SNORTS*
hmm first off you REALLY need to reread History, the first slaves were captured war prisoners in tribal warfare(and SOLD to slave ships by their own culture enemies , after the fighting stopped….THEN the raiding began.(lords im White and know more history on slavery then you, (then again i GREW UP IN AFRICA)
clueless arent ya VT33? ask a History Professor about it (my mothers Family including ME grew up in Zarie…UNLIKE YOU.) Sad to think you can talk about a place you have probably never been? want to come to my house and see all the tribal stuff IVE got…including what the tribal shaman( his name translation which i cant remember meant “Seeker of Clouds”) gave me at 18 when we moved BACK to texas? hmmm i cant WAIT to talk to you about this….if ya ever bothered to ever LIVE in AFRICA……….LIKE I GREW UP IN.
*snorts* please VT33, dont post here unless you know what your talking about hmm?
Comment by Idicus on 6 January 2008:
yet again both my posts get cut off *rolls eyes* probably a good thing too, VT33 inst intresting enought to bother the rest of ya with my comments on her thoughts.
Comment by HereIamBaby on 6 January 2008:
Please go to sites to find a mate…people go to specific sites because that is the type of person that they like…but most sites are about all races…I vote…it is a good thing!
Smiles,
Sharon
Comment by kathugga on 6 January 2008:
Interesting question and even more interesting answers. To me, racism is a dislike or out right hatred of another race, while prejudice is a preference for (or not) another. I am prejudiced because I prefer to be with women who have brown skin, in all it’s shades. The first question my family asks me when I mention a new lady that I’m interested in (whether we are dating or not) is “what color is she?”. followed sometimes by “you and your black women! you need to date different women!” sigh. I have my preference, and it will probably always be so. There are many beautiful women of all races and colors, but to me, black women are the most beautiful. Don’t ask me to explain it, because I don’t think I can, any more than a person could explain adequately why people love. It just is. I’ve dated white, black, asian, hispanic and keep coming back to black. I even broke up with a lady I was dating (asian) because I realized (after watching some old Envogue, and TLC, and Destiny’s Child videos)that I loved black women more and just wouldn’t be happy with her. Why? Dunno, and don’t care. I just am. Hopefully, everyone on this site is the same, even knowing realistically that not everyone is.
So, whether not I made sense here, I just have my preference, and know that I would not be truly happy with any other race of woman. All I can say is, be true to yourself and your beliefs and how you feel (yes, how you believe and how you feel can be reconciled, lol!) and date and marry and have kids with whoever is best suited for YOU. Not your family, not your friends. For YOU. It’s the only way that ultimately you will be happy. It’s entirely possible that the way you feel will change over time, and you will have a new preference. Great, as long as that change is right for YOU.
Will our society ever change? Once the old haters die off, it will. Once comment above mentioned seeing people of every different race dating when they walk down the street. The kids get it, as long as we let them. The old stereotypes, the old hates, WE perpetuate them. Put a bunch of little kids together and they don’t care what color the other ones are. They might be curious, but they’ll play and be friends as long as the parents let them. Let’s hope the old haters go to their reward quickly (well, not wishing ill on anyone btw!) and that their messages of hate die with them or get ignored by the new generations. If we are luckly, those of us in our 30’s will be the last to have any in them, if we let our kids be people and not colors.
So, let dating sites like this one that cater to peoples preferences (prejudices?) flourish! They are a small thing to pin the hopes of a future color blind world on, but those of us who are here, if we teach our kids right, possibly children born from a union of people who met here, it will be a color blind world.
Comment by mossimo on 6 January 2008:
Great post kathugga!
Comment by vt33 on 7 January 2008:
lol@idicus and aimnnoire, the two of you should date…lol idicus can try to clown you to tell you about who and where you came from. Then the two of you can bicker about his tribal stuff.
Sorry Idicus, you can’t insult me. lol…I’ve been fed far to much knowledge from hard core radicals and scholars. Don’t be so quick to put people down because you broke bread in Africa. The gift of knowledge is a life long class, and your professor will come in all shapes and forms. Lessons are a part of in life, where it shapes your mind, and allows your will to soar to all heights.
Oh yeah, idicus, if you even had a hint of a woman interested in you, what you put up there made you look like a complete azz..lol
Seems like the only lesson you learned, was how to get drunk, snort, and roll your eyes, and disrespect, the so called culture you grew up in and profess to love…lmao!
Comment by kemosoby on 9 January 2008:
i thought folks only fought in the chat room lol
Comment by jade74 on 9 January 2008:
Lol…..Kemo…..no the chat room is not the only place for fighting.
Comment by ms.ebonia on 10 January 2008:
I feel there will always be ignorance and hate, and that having a preference for a race doent mean racist-its the REASON why.Thats what maters.Yes, I DO believe black men especially believed that dating white women was better for his status than dating black women, i feel that they judged standards of beauty based on catering to the white man’s standard of beauty…when it boils down to it, white people in general are pro white and geared more toward their own in standards of beauty without even realizing it.I wont necessarily say that it is wrong.Its not their fault that blacks aren’t pro black and the fact that blacks dont embrace their own beauty the way other races embrace theirs and view theirs as a norm. This can be done while still recognizing beauty in other ethnicities on each racial group’s part. What I am saying, is if u ask a white or asian man who is the hottest girl, they both gona pick someone from their own race. Ask a black man, he is much more likely to say a female that is not black. That is why beyonce was not chosen by the majority of men and lindsay was.White people see other races as “different”. If a black woman is pretty, she is pretty”for a black woman” or an asian “pretty for an asian woman”. But the white woman is pretty period-get what I am saying? ANd like i said black people could be that way about their own but of course they aren’t. We are the most ununified, chaotic disastrously structured racial group there is and I am sure it will stay that way.
Comment by kathugga on 10 January 2008:
ms.ebonia,
I hope you don’t think that is always the case. If someone asked me to choose between 3 women of different races, I would pick the one I thought was most beautiful regardless of the race–tho I’d probably try to take all 3 home with me instead, lol!
I would hope tho, that all 3 had more than just their looks going for them.
But, if you said I had to pick 1 of the 3, and that that person was the one I would marry, have kids with, live the rest of my life with (again assuming that all 3 had more than just beauty going for them, ie, brains, sense of humor, etc), I’d pick the one with the darkest skin.
I really don’t understand why there is so much debate over this issue. Everyone posting here (at least i hope so) is a member of this site, and is at least open to dating and marrying and having kids with someone of another race–usually black and white, but there are some latina’s here, and asians that I’ve seen. Maybe a better question that could be asked or should have been asked is Why do people prefer someone of another race?
It should be (or mebbe I’m being too idealistic) patently obvious that the people on this site are not racist. At least I hope not. yes, there are those who just want to “sample”, and sadly probably a few stalkers buried among the members here, but I think we all have this in common: We all either prefer or are willing to date a person of a different race. Some of us have been married and have kids who are mixed.
I know that doesn’t prevent someone from being racist (my ex wife had a son with the son of a former grand wizard of teh kkk in mississippi–NO it’s not me!–, so she said) but it should be a sign that probably, most likely, the people that belong to a site called Afro-Romance–or someting similar–are not.
I’m going to shut up now tho, before I ramble on and change the subject again, lol. I hope that everyone here has a great year.
Comment by ms.ebonia on 10 January 2008:
I agree that for the most part,people on here are open to diferent races-its just that it has been proven, and I am speaking from experience-sometimes, people are situationally racist.A man comes and hits on u in the bar or asks u out on a date, and then if u politely refuse u are the “n” word. Or this guy has been hitting on you, and trying to get with you then you hear him saying derrogatoy racial things about another black person.so that would explain how a kkk person or the son of one might mess with someone of a dif race.I worked at quite a few nursing homes and the old farts there are generally racist initialy then when they get to know u or are attracted to u start becoming aroused and or make advances, yet the are calling black males or other black females “n” word. Its quite common.As far as being pro ones own race, i think to a degree it is natural and a norm, and the only place i see it lacking is in the black community.Myself, I undestand that God is a God of variety and everyone is beautiful yet different.There can be two beautiful types of flowers, both equal but different cuz they are supposed to be…two butterflies, both equally beautiful but dont look the same, cuz they arent supposed to they were made differnt.And that is the way it is with people, but some people have tunnel vision and cannot see beautty outside of what looks the same as them or what is a norm to them. Then there is definitely people like you and I who can see it…Life goes on.Long as I can find someone who mmakes me happy and I am attracted to them that is all i cae about,whatever race they may be. However, black men in geneal seem to me to be less capable of fulfilling a woman’s emotional needs. Dont know why it is but I know women of all races whobeen with blk men who realize the same.
Comment by cm0008 on 11 January 2008:
Although, I haven’t read all of these responses….I find it pretty ridiculous that black women are crying over black men on an interracial dating site! There are a helluva lot of other races who love all women and an equal helluva lot of men who only dates black women exclusively. And personally, I find myself getting alot of hits from black men who has on their profile that they want to date white, latino or asian women.
Now the only problem I ever have with black men wanting to date white women or others, is if and only if, they do it to make themselves believe that they will gain some type of ’status’ or recognition for it. Everyone knows that there are ‘ghetto’, downright raunchy and fake women of all races. You may need to broaden your horizons and start to figure out why you only meet the same type of black women or black men who you have nothing in common with.
I could easily say that I don’t date black men because they have chips on their shoulders and want people to believe that they are more than what they really are. But, I’m smart enough to KNOW that every black man is not that way!
I like all races and have friends of all races, who actually date all races. I have interracial family members. It’s quite silly to categorize all women or men of a race within the same category. I could actually write a whole blog on the insecurities of races, but I’ll save that for another time.
Comment by HereIamBaby on 14 January 2008:
…come on…if you like BBW’s you wouldnt go to a Barbie site…you go to where you find what you are seeking…
Southern smiles and world peace,
Sharon
Comment by Salsera77 on 14 January 2008:
Do dating sites encourages racial prejudice?
Of course not!
Dating sites ask you for your “PREFERENCE” and that’s ok. I WANT This.
I for one don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want me and they shouldn’t want to be with me if I’m not attracted to them. That would be a waste of my time and theirs.
In other words, I want the truth from the start.
I’m not trying to convert anyone and
there needs to already have been a history of respect in the other person’s life for other races for me to be attracted to that person, otherwise, YUCK.
Comment by Starthai on 15 January 2008:
ExitDetroit, I can respect your opinion, but at the same time I’m getting sick of that tired excuse negro’s like you and some other blk females use, when it comes to sista’s like myself wearing extentions. 99% of black women that wear extentions are not trying to look like wihte women, we like how it looks on us and our features. I don’t have a problem with the dread look but I don’t want to wear them, I would get twist’s done with some extentions added depending on the length I desire, but due to me liking to change up my hairstyle so much the “Dreads” look isn’t for me. I wish some blk people and others would stop the tired excuses and assumptions, when it comes to sista’s wearing weave. You do what works for you and others have the right to do it too, because nowadays you don’t find to many woman that are 100% natural. Even white women and others add to their hair too. Just for the record, I like trying different dishes myself and like (in the process of learning) different languages. So stop your freakin generalizations and continue to date what you normally date.
Comment by Starthai on 15 January 2008:
Vt33, great post it pretty much summed it all up, I totally agree with you that we love ourselves more than anyone else loves us. I just hope Exit do all black woman a favor and stay way!
Comment by bornfree2008 on 15 January 2008:
Hello all,
To answer the original question “Do dating sites encourage racial prejudice?”, I answer a resounding YES! They also encourage ageism (you have to state an age range preference)and other little known ism’s related to : Geography, height, color of eyes, religion, drinking habits, smoking habits, whew! what a list of prejudices! I’m appalled at these sites! We should take whatever we’re offered, no questions asked, no preferences stated!
Comment by Sxybrwnsuga on 16 March 2008:
It’s called having a preference people. If I want to date someone who is black and not a white person that is my preference. It does not make me a racist. You are attracted to who you are attracted to. I’m so damn tired of everyone trying to make a racial issue out of every little thing. If you don’t like it then stop joining these sites.
Comment by chrisFromMs on 27 June 2008:
Well, I don’t mention my ethnicity on any federal or state forms. I am a male human. I will only date female humans, beyond this live and let live (given where I live this attitude is actually the loony left, but it’s how I feel).
Comment by girlsixdiva on 17 August 2008:
Hey, I’m comment #85!
Comment by girlsixdiva on 17 August 2008:
Hey, I’m comment number 85!
Comment by fearlesscrus on 25 August 2008:
Salsera77, bornfree2008, and Sxybrwnsuga have summed it up perfectly.
Comment by anaturalgirl on 30 August 2008:
Everybody has a preference, whether it’s for a particular race, hair color, body type, breast size, etc. Those who say I’m “open to” or will date “any” and “everybody”, are not being honest with themselves or others. We can nitpick and label all day long. We accuse those that prefer fit people as discriminating against fat people, those that prefer redheads as racist against blondes. Where does it end? It is possible to appreciate the beauty in all people, but have a natural attraction to one particular look. There is nothing wrong with that. It is possible to change a preference, but don’t change your preference based on what society tells you.
I started dating outside my race about 11 years ago to broaden my horizons. I wasn’t havin