Do you believe love is a two-way street… that the way your partner responds to you is a primary reflection of how you respond to your partner? Or is it the other way round… that you gauge how responsive you are to your partner but how he/she responds to you?
According to a series of Yale studies in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology… most people think they reap what they sow. It’s like their partners true behavior isn’t even brought into play when analyzing how their partners respond to them.
Margaret Clark, faculty author and psychology professor calls this ‘projection of responsiveness’. Clark said, this means “seeing your relationship partner as behaving in the same manner toward you as you do toward that partner. That is, you see your partner as about as responsive to your welfare as you are to your partner’s welfare, regardless of the partner’s true behavior.�
So how do you describe the macho individuals… those who no matter how you treat them, they will still be a pain in the behind? Does this mean that if you treated them any less they would respond by spitting on you?
Well… I don’t believe in this study one bit. It’s all about how people are wired. There are those lovely souls who no matter how much you step on their toes, they will always be sensitive to your needs and welfare. And then there are those whom - how do I put this? – kind of have a ‘DON’T YOU DARE’ sign on their foreheads.
What do you make of this study?
Tags: black women white men, black white dating, interracial dating site
Popularity: 3% [?]
Comment by mossimo on 6 August 2007:
I believe it works that way only some of the time. Some people will take advantage of, or mistreat you, no matter how you treat them. Regardless, I try to treat people as I would have them treat me.
Comment by fala on 7 August 2007:
Right on Coco!
Comment by Kara on 7 August 2007:
I’d have to see the study to say for sure what I think, but one thing that occurs to me is that if this is a study of long-time couples….it could be that this is one of the ways of relating that increases relationship satisfaction and longevity, whether or not it reflects reality. First off, there’s the obvious fact that if you really think that you’ll reap what you sow, you’re more likely to treat your partner well. Even beyond that, it could be that the *belief* that you reap what you sow causes people to feel like they have more power to determine how harmonious the relationship will be. In turn, a heightened sense of control over one’s environment makes one feel happier, more satisfied, etc. All of that combines to create a partner that’s pretty pleasant to be with and a more harmonious relationship. Now, if they had done this study with people who were in shorter term dating relationships, I’m not sure it would have that same outcome. So, sample selection could really determine the study’s outcome.
Comment by Cocokisses on 8 August 2007:
Very true Mossimo, and even a dog will fight back if he is cornered long enough. We should try to treat people with the same respect that we want to receive. You’d be amazed at the difference that will make in any type of relationship.
Comment by fala on 8 August 2007:
I treat everyone like crap. Don’t ask me why but they keep coming back for more.
Comment by mossimo on 9 August 2007:
lol@Fala…
Comment by fala on 9 August 2007:
See what I mean? Mossimo is living proof!;-)
Comment by mossimo on 10 August 2007:
Talk about being taken for granted, lol@Fala
Comment by Cocokisses on 10 August 2007:
Fala, Fala, Fala…at least you are honest…LOL!
Comment by nina on 10 August 2007:
Nina says:
Fala, when you are somewhere, knocked completely on your behind with no remedy, if you have the guts (most like this usually don’t) look in the mirror. The trick is (dumb bunny) oh I mean honey is to win with out stepping on a soul and a winner I am.
Comment by fala on 10 August 2007:
LOL@Coco you know it girl!
Comment by Cocokisses on 12 August 2007:
Dang Nina…we all know Fala was joking…at least those of us here. Lighten up girl…no need to be rude! We’re all here to have some fun. Re-read the post, and calm down. No one else took offense because we know her and know her playful sense of humor. Really…its not that serious.
Comment by fala on 13 August 2007:
Ouch Nina! Lighten up, we’re all friends here.
Comment by scottsdale on 18 August 2007:
so does this mean that with my former fiance that aborted(murdered) 3 of my babies without my input even tho she had said she wanted to give me a child that i should forgive her and treat her like a queen even tho she is a selfish bitch?
Comment by Starthai on 24 August 2007:
Nina, I have to agree with you, but I do choose my battles I do treat people how they treat and other times I just go quietly, it hurts, but eventually I feel like the winner
Comment by MsMackey on 4 September 2007:
sorry to hear that scottsdale
that is a hard thing to let my mind soak into
i myself do not believe in abortions but thats my own opinion, and after her saying she wanted to give you a child….clearly she did not. why didn’t she just get on birth control? using abortion for a form of birth control is murderous… in my own opinion, and that saying your reap what you sow… well when she is ready to have a child one day…and when she cant hold one and miscarry the very baby she longs for she will think back on all the babies with you that she could have had and enjoyed the gifts that the lord gave her and she discarded them like yesterdays trash… thats hard to think about i feel for you because those where your children as well and you had no say so in her actions..I feel for her because she has to go before him in the end
M
Comment by scottsdale on 4 September 2007:
well on 2 of them–she had said she was on the pill and now that my anger towards her has resulted in her filing a restraining order on me–her way of getting me back also was last friday morning she text messaged me and said that she thought she was pregnant again–not sure if she wanted me to reply so she could have me arrested or if she really is–weird thing about it is–the last three–this one included i told her that if she wasnt on the pill that she was pregnant–i could feel it–something in me told me she was pregnant and all i ever wanted was kids–how could one person be so cruel?
Comment by Cindie on 4 September 2007:
The Universe will NOT be fooled! Whatsoever a man (or woman) soweth, he or she shall also reap. Sometimes we reap what we sow (in and out of relationships), and are clueless as to why this or that thing has happened to us.
Been there!
Comment by 2ute4u on 16 March 2008:
I am an avid believer in the laws of the universe,if we do not reap what we sow in our current relationship,it’ll catch up to us sooner or later…
Scottdale, am sorry to have learned about the termination of your unborn children, my heart goes out to you…however,I hope you lucked out w/ some good news working in your favour.
Comment by homesteader on 26 December 2008:
I was complemented once , because another won 10 points choose Sing me . I have grown to Love this site since that day . I give 100% of my Love to the Ladie that I found here last year and she in turn gives to me 100 % . And our X-mas was filled with Love for all others , Amen ,Love Les
Comment by homesteader on 26 December 2008:
P.S. She traveled the Big Dog for a day to meet me and three days later we married , Love Les
Comment by homesteader on 26 December 2008:
21 months ago
Comment by homesteader on 1 April 2009:
23 months ago , and counting . While reading the Topics in Blogs / I have found one constant ; There are a Bunch of people who still Wish to live in the Past . History is Sure Nuff What did happen , Grow with the Present and Look Forward to the Future . Times have Changed for Us as We wished it so / We have old Antique Ford trucks which Desire to be Restored - Hense a dream still alive in my mind , We did knot get stuck in the Past though and are Happy together as One Family Unit now . Grow with the Times .
Comment by Enigma64 on 1 September 2009:
My mirror theory: “You draw that which you reflect; you reflect that which you are.” That can be a hard pill to swallow when you look back on some of the “gems” you may have encountered in your dating life. I know that when that theory came to me, it kicked my tail pretty hard on a few accounts, but I had to face the fact that there was something in me that attracted those “mistakes” into my life in my past, and I had to make a conscious choice to self examine and change.
So yes, I do believe you reap what you sow, whether in relationships or not. In relationships, the reaping doesn’t necessarily come during the same time period or relationship that the sowing occurred in.
In regards to you Scottdale, I feel your pain because I had a male friend who went through the same thing. His girlfriend had a managerial job where we worked and his was custodial. She was really career driven, and lied to him claiming she wanted his children, but when she got pregnant, she aborted and didn’t tell him until afterwards.
It was a deal breaker for him. When he told me about this, he cried. He was a really good man, sweet, honest, and fine as all get out. She had a prize and she threw it away being selfish and self-centered. Her loss; and I know she regretted her actions because she attempted to get back together with him, but he was done.
I’m so sorry you or anyone has to experience that sort of pain. All I can tell you is that she will reap an equal amount of pains as she has caused you. She will suffer loss of lives important to her, or future children she may want. Personally, I would have left her after the first time it happened, because clearly, her heart was not really connected to or committed to yours. Peace and blessings.