Sometimes I tend to write very controversial articles on this site and some of you have been quick to point that out. Well, today isn’t that day. Just want to look into interracial dating trends.
One thing I have noticed is that gender has played a big part in shaping interracial dating trends. Whilst this is kind of a generalization, an article I read the other day says White women are least likely to date Asian men and that White men in the U.S. (not my words) “tend to be least attracted to female African American’s.” How true is this?
The article also says that when it comes to online dating, interracial dating is one niche that is still untapped and apparently, statisticians claim this will remain so due to lack of ‘potential demand’. Apparently a considerable number of singles dating online prefer to date “within their own domain.” - Are we doing that badly?
Much as some interracial couples have issues with their relationships, there are those who have managed to blend their traditions. Here are interracial marriage stats based on the 2008 U.S census:
Black husbands: Married 310,000 white women - Married 4,190,000 black women - Married 39,700 Asian women. White husbands: Married 55,399,200 white women - Married 137,000 black women - Married 713,000 Asian women. Asian husbands: Married 193,000 white women - Married 8400 black women - Married 2,790,000 Asian women.
Even though they say the interracial dating niche is lacking in some way, I believe the internet has contributed a great deal to more interracial dating and marriages. For those singles looking to date outside their race, interracial dating sites take you directly to like minded individuals; you avoid constant negative influence that you might have encountered offline.
Not all stares are bad. So when you get stares from the public when walking with your interracial love, they could be stares of intrigue, fascination and envy. Pat yourself on the back for the contribution you have made to making the world one race – the human race.
Tags: black white dating, black women black men, asian women dating
Popularity: 20% [?]
Comment by Glock on 28 September 2009:
I couldn’t agree more with your last paragraph about “stares”. I have told more than one date that it could very well be a “stare” of admiration and envy versus a stare of “disgust” or “disapproval”. Don’t always assume that “others” don’t approve. They may very well wish it was them that was with your date and not you.
Comment by Blueelainel on 28 September 2009:
I have encountered the good stare, the bad stare, and the drive up next to you and give you the disbelief stare. I must admit that most of these stares came from black men. I have adjusted to it and I ingore the stares. I consider it their issue and not mine. I refuse to allow other people and their likes or dislikes to dictate who I can or cannot date, that is not an option.
Comment by beckylyn on 28 September 2009:
>Interracial Dating and the Web
Really think the internet has allowed me to expand my social circle to include men of various races and ethnicities from around the country and world. I’m surprised and better understand the qualities and values I seek in a relationship while not having to worry that race matters.
The opportunities to discuss interesting topics/other points of view with smart guys from around the world which is rather refreshing. I’ve even had to retire some of my own TIRED preconceived notions about race too!
Urban Coastal and Yankee guys were my faves, they’d been exposed to more cultural diversity. Southern Caucasian and Asian Men have been my biggest surprise; so charming, romantic and downright SEXY. In the past, I thought there was no interest on their part - WRONG. I’ve found those men to be inspired and inspiring. Individuals who’ve delved into understanding what inspires him and makes him smile contentedly EVERYDAY really pique my interest.
Comfortable, confident self-awareness and self-acceptance is SEXY. Being willing to share that with another is BEYOND COLOR AND ETHNICITY. It’s what keeps LIFE interesting and the good vibes flowing!
>Who’s Marrying Who?
Expanded interracial dating is ALL GOOD but MARRIAGE involves blending families, traditions, careers and dealing with prospective in-laws’ preconceived notions about race as well as LIFE’s ups and downs! I ended an engagement due to extended family AND career issues. I didn’t think WE could make it IF either of us did not have family support and it would be career suicide for him. How many Caucasian corporate executives have Black wives?
Now that I’m older and divorced, I’m not sure marriage is as important to me as it was in the past, but neither is my previous corporate career.
Comment by Neisy on 28 September 2009:
I agree that some of the stares may be from admiration or envy. However, I have noticed that some White Males still tend to not approach or date Black Woman at the same rate as Black Males. I live in the South, and from my own experiences, I have found that White males are afraid to approach me, much less ask me out. They fear that their family or friends may disapprove. White women and Black men are still the couple that you would most likely see, walking hand in hand, forgetting about everyone else says or thinks.
Comment by shotgun007 on 28 September 2009:
Quite naturally as humans we feel more comfortable within our race. The statistics listed above in this article are not surprising, not sure why they would be. Why the author chose to “bold/highlight” 1 of the 2 the phrases above, but that’s nothing new judging by some of the past articles on this site. I would be interested in the article the author is referring to, just so I can read these findings for myself.
I get starred at all the time when my coworker and I go to lunch (Jason-Caucasian). Primarily from Caucasian women and I can say some are friendly, some not so friendly. It’s really silly because all they had to do is look at our white polo shirts with the big “AT&T Bells” stitched to them & they’d realize we were employees out to lunch!!.. LOL.
Here in the US, there are just far too many hang ups with race and dating/marrying. Until those of “open” minds that are TRULY open minded dismiss the stereotypes, I can’t really see interracial dating-progress moving as quickly as we would like to.
Comment by takinitall on 29 September 2009:
I can’t argue with this article. I don’t think white men aren’t attracted to black women, from what I’m told they are afraid of how to approach them. I find it easier to date interracially online than in person. Sometimes we (black women) are not allways portrayed in the most positive light. I can understand why white men could be cautious of approaching us. But hey take a chance and enjoy it!
Comment by homesteader on 29 September 2009:
We found Happiness together here .
Been married over 2.5 years now .
People on the streets that we travel / seem to be satisfied to open conversations with Us .
Thank you ria / AfroRomance has Made a Difference in Our lives on a More Positive Note .
Those that may knot approve / sure nuff do show it in Public .
We have our Happiness and Enjoy all we meet .
Comment by homesteader on 29 September 2009:
Correction ; Those that do knot approve do not show their Negativity in Public .
Comment by homesteader on 29 September 2009:
Who cares what others think ?
This is Our Life knot theirs .
Comment by ms.december on 29 September 2009:
The interracial marriage statistics listed here don’t surprise me, they actually support the belief that some interracial relationships are more accepted or expected. And while I agree that not all stares are bad, I have to add that the majority of the time, the more commonly accepted or commonly expected interracial couples don’t get as many or the same stares that less commonly accepted or expected couples do.
Comment by salsera77 on 29 September 2009:
I discovered a long time ago that
all stares are not meant for ill-will.
Whilst they are doing their double takes,
some people are fascinated, can’t believe what
they are seeing, trying to adjust their eyesight,
wish they themselves would, and or are probably trying to pin-point specifically exactly absolutely what you are for a few seconds.
I think the author of that article hasn’t spent enough time researching the world of interracial sites like this one. Thanks for the stats and article, Ria.
Comment by rarestgold on 30 September 2009:
I’ve gotten the stares and I’ve gotten lots of curious girlfriends asking me “what’s it like?” and I tell them it’s just another option to finding love. You can’t complain about not being able to find a good man when you limit your choices. I also don’t think that White men are less attracted to Black women, I think many of them just don’t know how to approach us. The internet has made that easier… God bless the internet!
Comment by Wise Choice on 1 October 2009:
Thanks, Ria, for your wonderful comments.
And I agree with Willie827 and with Glock.
(How are you, Glock? I always enjoy your comments,
even though I don’t usually respond. You have a
magnificent mind in my view.).
I believe there is more genuine need for some form
of expansion of the whole interracial dating arena
including interracially specific events, Ria.
I realize they exist, but are not well-known as
they might be. It would be nice to know more about interracial dating clubs, networking groups, etc.
I’m sure there are a lot of interracially-favored
businesses, cottage industry, parties, fellowships
and events…points at which we can connect.
This site, as you said,…is a wonderful avenue
in which those of us who are exclusively motivated
to date and marry interracially can find partners.
I am personally thankful for your weekly comments
and find it very encouraging in many ways. I agree
that some thought-provoking subjects are steamy.
But a little steam never hurt anyone! It’s good to
make people re-think concepts, opinions and really
raw subjects that we assume we already understand.
In my view, if more men were willing to risk their
social view and at least (date) beyond established
parameters of tolerance they might find true love.
My sister married interracially 30+ years ago and
their relationship is rock solid. I have no other
desire than the thrill of enjoying a (black) mate.
When speaking at events, seminars, etc., I ALWAYS
formally recognize my companion, voice my worthy appreciation, involve her in all the interaction.
I do get questions from men, who have hesitated to
date interracially yet secretly desire to. It’s a great opportunity to share my positive experience.
However Ria, your discussion-forum, thoughtfully worded comments from Glock, Willie827 and other
interracial advocates is powerfully, effective.
I wish there was a way I could do even more to
promote interracial relationships! People have no
idea how great it can be until they venture out.
The statistics you quoted mirror past values and social stereo-typography but I truly believe that
is rapidly changing in this present internet-age.
Don’t you?
.
Comment by leaveitobeavr on 1 October 2009:
I am a big show off anyway. If i’m with a woman from another race,culture,or creed.I’m like this, “look and say whatever you want.”This is my woman and whatever we do is our business.The first thing people need to understand before crossing the boundary.Stay true to yourself.I feel interracial dating is on the rise.We are one race under god and thats the human race.
Comment by Wise Choice on 2 October 2009:
You are SOoooO RIGHT, leaveitobeavr !!
If other men begin to see that we are proud of
our black woman and lift her to the hilt with
respect… I think opinions will shift forward.
We need to simply keep doing the things for her
that say (not only to her) that we genuinely care.
It’s time to treat her in public the way we feel.
If others have problems with that,…let them
learn from (us) how a woman of ANY race should
be treated by a man of honor. Show her dignity!
Treat her with the dignity she deserves in public!
Introduce her to our (white) friends & associates.
Let her feel comfortable;– confident in our love.
Perhaps a few of our “friends” will begin to feel
ashamed, when they realize we treat our lady like
the true QUEEN we (know) she actually is !!!
I feel so honored,… when I stop to think that
a woman of Nubian beauty would even look upon me
with a heart of genuine interest! WOW !!!
I can’t honestly even imagine desiring to be loved
by any other; there is no beauty as precious.
Yet I’m sure thousands of other men feel the same.
A black woman’s love is the most precious gift
a white man could ever receive in this lifetime!
What else can compare? Read Proverbs 31:10
It’s the story,..as you’ll see,..of a black woman
in love with a white man. And it is without any
doubt, a most sensual account of interracial love.
Of course, leaveitobeaver, ..it will never make it
to the pulpit, in the way it is intended ….
It’s far too erotic for that!!!
But how can you read it…poetically or otherwise,
and not see the wonderful sensuality and intimacy
of the two interracial lovers who are so explicit.
If you find that challenging at all,..just contact me. I will point you to the verses in chapters
one-through-eight… which prove it’s interracial.
In any event, thank you for your good comments.
I understand your concerns, Neisy; ,, but rest
assured that ALL white men do not back away!!!
You can believe that!!!
.
Comment by NOPLAYER on 2 October 2009:
As I looked at the stats I was not surprised. I understand you wont change years overnight and giving the deep rooted and complex issues or race in this country, I’m amazed that IR dating has grown the way it has.
You have to bear in mind just because people date IR doesn’t mean that they’ll marry IR. Trust me, dating is different than marriage and with marriage comes a whole new set of challenges.
Online dating is helpful but unless you get out there and get hands-on you’re short changing yourself. You can call and chat back and forth but unless you seriously court that person you’re wasting your time.
Courting is hands-on, up close and direct and this doesn’t happen online. IR relationships face many challenges that same race relationships don’t and as a result IR reationships require a more intense courtship and without it it’s like building a house on a foundation of mud and sand instead of cement.
Comment by Velvet63 on 2 October 2009:
Wise Choice I would love to know where those verses are located. I have truly enjoyed the comments on this blog. What an interesting blog. As I read the responses I was overwhelmed by what was said. I too live in the south where IR dating is still frowned upon. I havesome family members that married interacially and I have never treat them as in-laws but brothers and sisters. I dated interacially for a few years and tried it again later. It waas one of the best relationships I have ever been involved in. We arestill very good friends and often wonder what if. If I had a chance to doit all over again I would definitely have chosen him!
Comment by Wise Choice on 2 October 2009:
That’s true, NOPLAYER. And it’s cross-spectrum,
as I’m sure your realize. That men are often not
aware of the idiosyncratic aspects of actually
“living” with a mate of a differing cultural
group is a fact we all generally accept.
For unless a person is in (or has been in) at
least one-or-more such relationships in a
dedicated way,..it is really not possible
(in my view) for one to really know just how
much adjustment may actually necessary,
in order to maintain mutual compatibility.
You’ve got to really be willing to “get into”
the other person’s world, in order to understand.
I was recently looking at shotgun007’s profile.
In it, she made a very revealing statement.
Shotgun007, I mean my comments in your direction
with complete respect and empathy with what you
stated. I truly understand.
You said, (and I quote, for the benefit of those
who may not have briefed it,..ie.:other women):
“I’m not looking for “Curious George” guys!! Or those that really aren’t sure what they want in a potentially new companion.”
To me, that’s very profound.
It displays your understanding of the problem
quite well. Many are recently becoming curious.
But few are actually strong enough in their own
conviction, to take the more serious step of
entering into a committed relationship.
I wish laugh_sailor were weighing in on this right
about now;…I’m sure he has a lot of valuable
insight he might offer.
However, Shotgun007, ..it could also be said that
many women also have no concept of what it may be
like,… to enter into a full and completely
responsible relationship with a man of another
interracial background.
I think Ria would probably have enough statistics
available to prove that this is a multiple-sided
issue.
It’s NOT just a thing of men not visualizing the
common complexity of the interracial exchange.
Women don’t always seem to “get it” either.
Would you agree, NOPLAYER ?
.
Comment by nic281 on 2 October 2009:
I think Most White American male have more issues with family and friends and so openly dating a black woman can be hard for them, this is a proven fact white American mail between the age of 25-35 will rather date any other race than black where as white American female between the same age group or more open to the idea of dating a black man. The study also found that in Europe the same age group 25-35 or very open to dating black women and you can see many mix couple sometimes with kids than here in the USA I lived in Europe and what I read was so true people or more open to interracial dating than here.
Comment by homesteader on 3 October 2009:
People are all Individuals / To each his own .
Surveys are just percentages / collected by people who have nothing else to do .
LOL / Enjoy the day - Life is entirely to short to Worry about others Stares as we do knot have any Idea what they may be Thinking .
Each must make their own Journey down the Path of Love .
Comment by willie827 on 3 October 2009:
As I finish reading the notes, I am ever so grateful for the comments of those of you who have come before me. I am “new” to the IR scene and I have been blessed to find someone so fantastic that it blows me away that she is interested in me. We are sure that there will be problems somewhere…we look to those before us for guidance…hoping to be there for the others who follow us. The “mainstream” may not how to handle us, but all we can do is smile and react to them with respect and kindness…that goes a long way…education is a good thing… Thank all of you who comment.
Comment by Glock on 4 October 2009:
Wise Choice, thank you for the compliments. I can only speak from my personal experiences from the past 20+ years of interracial dating/relationships.
Often times, people who engage in interracial dating “look” for the things that others tell them about. They “look” for the “reactions” they’re told by others to look for. So when they go out and someone looks at them with their date, they assume the person who told them what to look out for was right. And of course there are times where the looks we get leave no grey area whatsoever.
Although most (well over 90%) of my negative experiences about my dating a black woman have been from black men, doesn’t mean that when I go into a store or restaurant and black men look at us that I assume it’s of a negative nature….why? Because I’m not a mindreader. And frankly I don’t care. Why do I need to care what someone else thinks whether they be black or white? If I am going to worry about it then I need to stop the interracial dating altogether.
nic281, I have to disagree with your statement that “It’s a proven fact that American white men would rather date someone of another race than to date black women”. The reason I disagree is because the researchers would have to talk to every single white man from that age group in order for that to be a “fact”. Now, if the statement was it’s a proven fact that white men from 25 to 35 DATE women of another race, that would be something observable that could be verified quickly just by looking. The term “rather” would require talking to people to find out what their actual preference was.
Comment by Wise Choice on 4 October 2009:
VELVET63
I’m working on a dissertation; and I can’t devote as
much time as I might like, to address your interest.
However I’m not ignoring you! I will write to your
profile-email on this site, a little later on today.
To give you more precise (immediate) input, here is
a couple verses to get you on the path you seek:
It was, in FACT,.. an interracial relationship–
no matter WHAT some anti-interracial people think!!!
You might begin with Chapter 1:5 where in beautiful
poetic terms the female states her personal plight.
Here, like a black Cinderella, she states that she
has been forced to labor in the fields and work hard.
She talks about how her skin has become blackened by
the harsh Sun; yet through the abuse she has survived.
She states proudly that in spite of her struggles, she
knows she has remained beautiful inside and out!!
She says, in romantic prose, “Don’t just look on color
of my skin and judge me…look deeper into my heart.
I know who I am; and I am confident you will agree:
I am beautiful…all the way through !!!”
Continuing on in chapter 5, verse 9…
other (interested) females ask pertinent questions.
They curiously ask why she is so intent on only this
one particular male, when she could choose from many.
They want to know what specifically sets him apart
from the rest of the men she is usually surrounded by.
Without any hesitation she snaps back a beautifully
phrased interlude which indelibly rings ….
through the corridors of time and history…
exposing the romantic charm that sets so many hearts
aflame with the joys of romantic ….pointing vividly to the charming ecstasy of interracial romance!
While earlier, she is careful to state that in her
opinion, one “skin-color” is not (better) than another,
She, non-the-less states here, her particular penchant and preference … not so much based on skin color,
…but rather, on the QUALITY of mate she has selected.
Honorable character is his distinguishing attribute;..
and she points this out emphatically! She likes his
qualities of leadership and the respect he garners.
Additionally of course, she she admits that she is
overcome by his eyes and the way he looks as a man.
She continues… to describe the way he “feeds among
the lilies”. (If you can’t handle it, don’t read it).
But as she begins her dissertation in chapter 5:10…
she specifically refers to his interracial qualities.
For it is here, where she states emphatically that her (betrothed–not yet married) mate is WHITE and RUDDY..
…and that she would prefer him above 10,000 others
…of (any) race or skin color!!!
In the slim event that the case for interracial romance
is not clear enough, she continues in verse 14 ….
stating plainly, that even his belly is ivory-white!
How can anyone read this passage and miss the message?
This love-story clearly and most definitely embraces
all of the delicate nuances of interracial romance!
How can anyone escape the tender erotic intimacy;
as she describes the way he moves upon her body….
and how can the most timid, fail to see that …
he enjoys the succulent pleasures of her loins…
as she states clearly that her beloved is “gone down”
…..”to feed…in the gardens”…!!!
It is at THIS point (chapter 6:3) that she realizes
that she has finally “hooked” her man for good!!!
“I am my beloved’s,…and he..is MINE!!
(He feedeth among the lilies)!!”
Think for a moment about the comparison between the
appearance of a variegated lily and feminine charm.
Hmmmm…! Any questions????
Can you deal with that delicious nugget?
If so, you’ll love it, when you find her going “down”
to examine the “vine” and the ‘nuts”…later on.
But all of this is stated so poetically that few would
even notice the import, unless they are intuitive.
But now you understand why it is seldom preached from
any pulpit….. people find truth very difficult.
Expositors often swallow hard at bringing truth to life
in a way that may go against the grain of orthodoxy.
Church-in-the-box religion would castigate me for being
so bold… even though oral sex is clearly referred to!
Anyway,… Velvet63,…take time,..and a good breath of
fresh air,…enjoy the Song of Solomon for what it is.
It’s an inspiring love-sonnet of an interracial couple discovering the head-to-two enchantment of pure love!!
Shakespeare once wrote,
“..men must be taught..as though you taught them not..
…things remembered,…as though..things, forgot.”
Perhaps a clearer rendering of the SONG,
might be a way to help us men learn the intricacies
of love and of loving that we mistakenly think …
we already know. Hmmmm??? I hope so.
There are 8 basic love-language groups (not 5) that
are common to us humans. We need to learn to use them.
Be blessed.
.
Comment by Wise Choice on 4 October 2009:
This is not the only book or passage which refers
directly to interracial relationships and to the
most intimate sexually explicit acts between lovers.
Those who are closed-minded for religious or “moral”
reasons might want to consider this before judging
others who choose to follow their hearts.
In that regard it is interesting to me that the
quality of interracial relationship between a
“black” and “white” person is so easily discredited.
Virtually every person in Scripture (male or female)
..presumably married or in a committed relationship,
chose at least ONE (or more) interracial partners.
I challenge any antagonist to name even ONE couple
who(provably) was not interracial!! Interraciality
(if Webster will accept that term) is self-evident.
The (only) possible exception may or may not be
found in Genesis…depending on how you understand
the historicity of Adam and Eve…
who clearly lived in a pre-existing “garden” located
in the eastern section of the pre-existing land of
“Eden”….and…you really don’t want to “go there”.
But… maybe you do.
.
Comment by homesteader on 4 October 2009:
willie827 ;
This life is about you and yours / How Happy you make each other .
We Laugh with others that we never knew before / We are just people in Love .
Personally what others may think is their thoughts and they are Welcome to them .
Problems are and always will be / Together you shall learn to conquer them . Enjoy what you two build together as one unit in Love .
Do knot waste time worrying what others think .
Comment by Neisy on 4 October 2009:
???Wise Choice/ I looked in the Bible for the passages in Proverbs Chapter 31 Versus 10, and I was unable to find the information that you spoke of. I would be very interested to be able to find this information, so any help that you can give would be greatly appreciated.
As I stated previously, I am a Black Woman that lives in the deep South. I decided to date interracially years ago, and never had a problem until I moved back to my home town. I have found that White Males in general, although they may appear to be interested will not for whatever reason approach me. I don’t know if it is the fear of rejection, or if they are still holding on to the old racist attitudes from the past. I am open to dating any good man that I might encounter. I have learned that if I choose to exclusively wait and only date Black Males, then I might eventually become a spinster!lol…I also notice that the White Males that do make attempts to approach me, do it out of curiosity because they’ve never dated a Black Women before. Trust me, I’m no one’s science project or guinea pig!lol…So I dismiss the so called “Curious Georges” of the world. I want someone that is sincere in wanting to find out who I am as a person. I’ve also encountered those White Males that only want to date me, because they see me as being stunning, gorgeous, or beautiful. Which translates to me, that if I were of average looks and body type, then they wouldn’t even take a second look. I wish that the really sincere White Men that see me and are honestly interested would stand up and show a sincere interest. Beauty fades, so If thats all they see, then whats left when the beauty has faded! As for internet sites, the first line of their message is “you are so beautiful” and I wonder did he read my profile? Does he not see that I’m a person with feelings emotions, and lots of passion. What is it? Can they not see past my photo? Would I meet someone on the internet if I didn’t post a photo? I would think not! Let me know what you think.
Comment by NOPLAYER on 5 October 2009:
@ wise Choice I agree with that it’s an issue for both males and females. I look at IR dating like shopping for a good suit, as you shop around you’ll find many that catch your eye but only a few will have that special fit.
The thing about dating is it allows you get the feel for the person without a long term commitment upfront. You’re allowed to decide if this person is the one that you want to take that “leap of faith” with and move on towards a solid and permanent union.
Comment by homesteader on 5 October 2009:
Race is that which we did in Gym class in school [ My own graduation 1966 , I have Witnessed the growth of Knowledge in people with it’s Marvelously Magnificent Results daily since ] / Black n’ white are the words on these Blogs [ the color of paper and ink } .
Tis’ amaze Zing the Limited Vocabulary used by older folks at AfroRomance [ 18 to 80 Blind Deaf n’ LAZY TO ALL THE CHANGES PEOPLE HAVE WORKED SO Hard for ] .
Seems 9 years after the Millenium has changed / with all the Advancements in Society .
We still continue to try to Live in the Darker ages of Time gone bye .
The World has grown / We in Southeast Texas decided to grow with it . Hehe Lol .
We at AfroRomance should be going with the Flow as the Tides of Life have changed / Stagnation is when the growth has stopped and the Slime covers the pond .
Comment by homesteader on 5 October 2009:
Glock ;
Have you knot seen the Positive changes in the past 20 years ?
For all others who read what I write ;
We have Experienced change daily in the past two and a half years / These Changes have all been for the Betterment in Our Lives .
People came to AfroRomance looking for Change in each and everyones Life .
Please allow these changes to show in Our Advanced World of Today . Yesterday is dead n’ gone .
The Future is Tommorrow / Try to Enjoy what so many have worked so Hard to Achieve .
Comment by Glock on 7 October 2009:
Homesteader, yes I have seen positive changes over the past 20 years. I’m not quite sure what your point is but I am speaking of my experiences, and observations. The good, bad and indifferent.
Comment by Wise Choice on 8 October 2009:
I agree with you Mr. Glock.
There is a clear paradigm shift toward interracial
discovery, at least;…even in communities where
it may have seemed change of viewpoint would never
be possible. Internet, colleges and schools all
mirror the changes in social acceptance, it seems.
And it’s not just black women with white men, who
are the winners in this shift. I see many more
black men openly enjoying the favor of white women.
I am always happy to see interracial couples publicly
embracing what may have once been considered forbidden
love. The grass roots-level thinking is clearly changing.
Neisy, on Oct.4th you responded to my comment on the
matter of Proverbs 31:10. You were quite correct.
That set of verses (10-through-verse 31) speak of the
quantitative value of the priceless female who is a
person of evident integrity…and cannot be purchased,
bought or enticed by common wealth.
At the time, the “ruby” was more generic than specific;
as it related to the size, therefore the worth of the
jewel. Further,..almost any semi-translucent stone
might have been referenced as a ruby…regardless of color; although some were evidently worth considerably
more than others.
Hence, “her price is FAR ABOVE rubies.” Rubies, being
plural, is indicative of variety more than quantity.
“her price”…would intimate that she did have esteemed
value;…however, much higher than common exchange.
Only one stone,…would have so-qualified; the Goubish,
(if I am spelling it correctly) which may have been an
uncut natural diamond. Many wonderful implications here.
The section goes on, to explain why her value is so
high;…why it is, that to possess her love is of
such unfathomable worth.
However, as you correctly pointed out,.. to say that
this was a reference to an interracial relationship
between a black woman and white/ruddy man would be
to leap into conjecture, tying the concept to the
Song of Solomon 1:5 and chapter 5:10-perhaps 14.
And this is what I did… inferring that since this is
clearly Solomon’s style..to intermarry black princesses
in Africa (which he certainly did, by all accounts).
Therefore, Proverbs 31:10 spoke of the dowry he was
willing to pay… for such a woman of worth…perhaps
in diamonds and service of other kinds.
While I may be correct in that assumption, it is still
conjecture;… and I did in fact, unfairly tie the two
thoughts together as you correctly pointed out.
Thank you Neisy.
You may, of course, contact me if you choose, to obtain
more of my research along this line.
Having grown up in one of those communities where it
was not acceptable for interracial dating or marriage,
I have truly done a lot of homework to support my view.
That is why I respect the people on this website so
much …for stepping out of the boat on untried water.
And it is gratifying to see so many who are stalwart in
their interracial position, such as those of you here.
I think on the whole,… we can all benefit by the fact
the the Scriptures clearly support interracial romance.
Do I hear any agreement?
.
Comment by Candida on 8 October 2009:
I found your article very interesting. Would like to know the source of your statistics. Please provide. Thanks.
Comment by melliot on 9 October 2009:
I would argue that their seems to be in some instances a runway street in interacial dating. for example I am living in London for a bit. MAny of the Middle Eastern and Indian men here will seek out interacial relationships with woemn of all races, however; these same men oftentimes ridicule and ostracize their women who seek interacial relationships with men outside of their ethnic groups. In coversations I have had with some of these men from the Middle East and India they have expressed to me their famlies expectation that they only marry a woman who is of their ethnic background. Furthermore, they only desire to marry women of their own ethnic background. When I questioned them on why they would be leading the women on that they are interacially dating they expressed to me their desire to have fun and soil their wild oats before settling down. It would appear that they wish to limit the women of Indian and Middle Easterns interaction in the Interacial dating community because they intend to make them their future wives. However these men seem to think it is ok to use women of other races to fulfll heir sexual pleasures while preserving the chastity of their women and limiting their exposure to other races by threats of violence, chatising, and ultimately peer pressure.
Comment by homesteader on 9 October 2009:
My point being ; We have made Many new friends as a couple in Love .
Only if one wastes time looking for the Negative / will they ever find it in Southeast Texas .
Grown people down here have shown a great deal of intelligence in their Communications with Us .
Comment by homesteader on 9 October 2009:
Wise choice ;
We never looked to the Scriptures to find Love / We turned our computers to AfroRomance involving recent times , knot 2000 years ago when the Bible was written .
We were successful because we live in present time / God gave us the knowledge to know where to seek what we found .
Comment by Glock on 10 October 2009:
Whether the Bible was written 2000 thousand years ago or 6000 years ago dosen’t make any difference. it was still written by men under God’s guidance and His word doesn’t change, ever. I will agree with you that God DID give you the knowledge to know…
Comment by homesteader on 11 October 2009:
Glock ;
Being made in God’s own image / I also am Guided by him .
My reference to the time line is knot to say that the Bible is Wrong / I am saying that the Population of our world has greatly increased since Biblical times .
Along with instant communications knot available at Distances so far apart in days gone by .
I will never claim to be an Expert in knowledge / I as yourself only tell what I see in the Present day time . All written before my time / was seen by others knot myself .
And Frankly I do knot believe everything I read , same as you . I sheltered what I thought were friends during Hurricane Disasters and found they were just thieves looking for entry into my personal business and Domain .
Who stole from me as I slept / then openly Threatened my life several times after .
Alas , I did knot use my 12 gauge shotgun on them / Because God taught me to turn the other cheek and be slapped again . Also he told me ” Thou shalt not kill ” if you desire entrance into my kingdom when you pass into Everlasting Life in Heaven .
Comment by homesteader on 11 October 2009:
I cannot change the world / Us being together as a Family unit openly shows Our change to others .
We daily talk to people we have just met and they openly treat Us with respect as a Couple in Love .
Change comes from within each and every person / only if they so Desire . It starts with the use of a Different Vocabulary in Public Forums .
The End
Comment by homesteader on 11 October 2009:
Who cares what Heritage one comes from / intermingled for thousands of years .
Women and Men only came to AfroRomance seeking Love .
Comment by lotuslove24 on 11 October 2009:
Interracial dating has been the best experience I have ever had in my life. I live in Atlanta, Ga. and most people that live in the city are some what accepting of it. However, in the suburbs or country town the stares could make a person uncomfortable. The worst experiences that I have had while on a dates with white guys is when a African American man wants to challenge my feeling towards my date or even challenge my date. I won’t know the guy that approaches us, but they will try there hardest to convince me in front of my date that what they have maybe bigger or better than the person that I am with. The guy may even be with a white woman and still feel the need to question my decision about love. Sometimes the comments people say in passing can hurt but all in all it does not change the way I feel. I must say sex with white guys is way better and passionate. They are real and they express themselves and want you to express yourself as well. There kisses are better and the blend of color turns me on.
Comment by NOPLAYER on 12 October 2009:
Elliot- I notice it’s the same here in Germany not only with Middle Eastern, Asian and Turkish men but also to a degree with Greek and Italian men as well.
They serverly ostracize these women for disgracing the family as they say but these men date and sleep with German women but call their women German Whores for dating or sleeping with German guys and GOD forbid an African or an Af/Am.
I knew a Pakistani woman whose father had her sent back to Pakistan to keep her from marrying a non-Pakistani man.
I think Western Europeans are more accepting of IR marriage than any other Europeans anywhere in the world.
Comment by melliot on 12 October 2009:
Lotuslove24 we are all happy that you found a meaningful relationship in your life and I am sure it will las for years to come. However, I fail to understand how skin color impacts a person sexual performane or the way someone expresses themselves as you have intimated in your comments. Perhaps leaving Atlanta and traveling outisde of your enviorment would expose you to an array of men of all colors who know how to express themselves. Keep in mind that by making such comments regarding the lack of performance of African AMerican Men and their inability to express themselves you also include your father, brothers cousins, Barrak Obama, Martin Luther King, Web Dubois, Frederick Douglas, and many other African Americans who have meaningful long relationships with with their wives. I would urge you to stop using racism to define why you have found a meaningful interacial relationship and just accept the fact that you met someone you finally clicked with who happened to be white.
Comment by homesteader on 13 October 2009:
NOPLAYER ;
You should experience the numbers of IR couples in Southeast Texas where Mexico ruled until 1835 . Just the amount of Bi-Lingual people here that speak both Spanish and English would Amaze you .
Maybe you have been overseas too long / To witness the Change in the Deep South . We down here have became ” Redneck ” because of the Bright Sunlight on our bodies , Daily .
Vibrant with the Rich colors of Flowers , trees , birds , wildlife and Butterflies because of our widely scattered rain showers . Not to forget the Redfish and Flounder running at the cut this time of year .
These are the colors one should see and talk about .
Yet you always are stereotyping individuals in your comments . Singling out people seems your way of life /We are all equal in God’s eyes - have you learned nothing from all your yeras of Living ?
Comment by WHURR on 14 October 2009:
LOTUSLOVE24:
I am driving to ATL right now… I am going to save you from all those ‘mean stares’ that those mean black men are giving you when you with a white man (that will be me).
How dare they stare at you while you are making out with that white man (again..will be me).
Mean black men!
Your white knight is on his way (that will be me). I know that I will not do anything but ‘express myself’ during sex as you have demanded.
I’m coming baby…sit tight!
WHURR
Comment by whyt_b0y on 15 October 2009:
AINT THIS SOME MESS EVEN IN 2009 DISCRIMINATION
here in louisiana just this week a justice of the peice refused to marry a black man and a white woman .he claims in his opinion most interracial marriages do not work out ,like his dumb ass is a leading authority or something .this might or might not coinside with this artical but i figured it’s something some folks might care to see
this is the link to the article .
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091015/ap_on_re_us/us_interracial_rebuff
i know one thing when i decide to get married or date i should not have to go to outside my own town or state just because of some bigot’s views.
hmmm i wonder if al sharpton is gonna tackle this one lol.
Comment by 8betheada8 on 15 October 2009:
*The STARE*, that makes so many people uncomfortable! I too have experienced those *stares*, But it is throughout many yrs. of Interracial Dating that I’ve realized and accepted the fact that ……
“IT IS WHAT IT IS!”
But it can ONLY be as strong as the POWER you give it!
GLOCK!…
I enjoyed reading your comment and I strongly agree with you, People aren’t born racist, they are taught! and raised! to be racist…So many people are consumed by the preception of others, when the main focus should be directed more towards how you precieve yourself! your self worth, the love, compassion and respect giving to you by the individual you’re with.
With that said….
MELLIOT!…
I sentimentalize with your emotional views mainly derived from the sterotypical analysis unconsciously given by LOTUSLOVE24, stigmatizing our ancestors! For I don’t think that she realized, in giving her explaination as to why she prefer dating another race, she branded and labeled men of her own race! I find that behavior obnoxious and belittling, and in my experience it’s widely prevalant among every race. Both male and female. And she herself fell into the category of sterotyping. One should never hold against the other, the wrongs committed by another. But it HAPPENS! And it’s sad that some people feel the need to belittle and degrade another to make themselves appear greater than..I find it hard to believe that anybody walking hand in hand with a person of a different race would make such arrogant comments towards a person of the same nationality of their date????? WOW unbelievable, but I have seen people who publicly criticize and ostracize interracial dating discourage their offspring from engaging in said relationships… and on the DL they secretively fornicate and fraternize with inhibitions.
WISE CHOICE!…
I
Comment by 8betheada8 on 15 October 2009:
WISE CHOICE..
SORRRYYY! I WAS CUT OFF IN THE PREVIOUS COMMENT BEFORE FINISHING… But I wanted to Thank you for your rendiction of how to Love, honor, respect and cherish a woman! I enjoyed reading all the comments you guys left before me…. Thx…… 8betheada8
Comment by pumpkin22 on 16 October 2009:
I agree that a major reason WM largely do not approach BW is because of negative stereotypes of BW (as well as fears about what others would say). That is until they make meaningful contact with real BW. What I think they discover the type that’s the focus of the stereotype makes up only a minority of BF’s. For myself for instance, All the BF’s I associate with as friends are intelligent, wise, nice, as well as a lot of fun to be around. BF’s are a well kept secret.
I also think the sexual prowess of WM has also been underestimated especially by black people. Imagine my shock after my first make-out session with a white guy. I was like, I didn’t know you could that(lol)! So I’m ashamed to say that I too was dealing in stereotypes.
One thing I appreciate about a lot of white guys on sites like this is that you have strong, independent minds and you’re willing to go after what appeals to you even if you risk society’s disapproval.
To me that is a major part of what defines a real man and is a major source of my attraction.
Comment by pumpkin22 on 16 October 2009:
@Wisechoice and others:
I appreciate your words.
@WHURR
You are too funny. I hope you rescue your damsel.
Comment by pumpkin22 on 16 October 2009:
@Neisy
It IS nice when our African looks are appreciated(finally). At that time I sometimes wonder if some guys who respond to me actually read my profile! I’m looking for deep connection of personalities, habits, and life views not just a I-would-love-to-show-you-off-on-my-arm connection.
Then I also start to get a little paranoid. So what I get in a disfiguring car accident, will you love me then? What about when my body starts not looking the same?
Bottom line guys, keep the kudos coming but ask yourselves would you really have enough in common with this lady to go the distance?
Comment by Whurr on 17 October 2009:
PUMPKIN22:
Im now taking a detour to Naples….How YOU doing?
Comment by christ1st on 18 October 2009:
Wow, again for the 100th time I had a discussion with a Physician I work with regarding this topic on Friday. Seattle is suppose to be the great melting pot of every color under the rain bow, but yet there is less of white men with black women. The number of black men with white women here is astronomical. The supposed reason is that white women are more gentle and less confrontational than black women. This gentleman says that white men are afraid of us and they fear rejection no matter what. This is simply one mans opinion.
I have learned not to trust a lot of statistics because People magazine wrote an article a few years back stating black movies/actors do not sell in other countries outside of the US. A reporter totally discredited the article by doing his own research in Europe, to find that black movies/actors sell far greater than white. So I do not agree that white men don’t want a beautiful, elegant black woman who has her “stuff” (for lack of a better word)together. I think some simply are unsure of how to approach us.
Comment by Wise Choice on 18 October 2009:
Thank you,
Precious Pumpkin,
for your comments!
Also to you, 8betheada8
Thank you for noting of my deep, personal respect.
It is true; I honestly honor, highly respect and
regard the Black Woman and totally believe in you.
Sometimes I don’t know if that point comes across
with the all of the depth it is intended, or not!!
Some men, Black, White and Asian may “say” they
respect you;…hopefully, actions follow words.
If they treat you like a “hoochy-mamma” in the way
they act toward you in public,-you deserve BETTER.
But “better” means that you must ACT in a way,..
and SPEAK in a way that makes a classy statement!
Respect comes at a price. Sorry; but that’s how
it is. If you act tasteless,-what are you saying?
Are your actions… the way you carry yourself,..
the way you speak or allow others to speak to you
..making a statement that genders the respect you
desire to receive? If not,… think about it.
You have a chance..(-right on this blog-page-) to
CHANGE a WORLD-VIEW of THOUSANDS of men about you!
You can tell the WORLD that the AMERICAN BLACK
WOMAN is a QUEEN; WORTHY of INTERNATIONAL RESPECT!
Or,… you can tell the WORLD that you’re really a
“hoochy” without class or quality of character.
That is sadly the impression of many men around
the internet-world… partly because of others.
Take, for example,… the poor grammar in the
title of this very blog. What example is THAT??!!
I appreciate this blog and all of your comments…
Glock, Melliot, Willie827 and other good men.
And I appreciate the authors and the fine work
they do as well. We need MORE of it; not less!!
But we need a tone of quality that reflects the
fine definition or a true Royal Black Queen!!
–You can BE in the ghettos but not allow your
mental level of ascension to dwell there!
If you rise in your MIND-set,… you will rise in
your physical dimension as well. Is that clear?
If you ACT like a ghetto-tramp,… it is because
you THINK like that..and SPEAK like that as well.
But if you are a woman or man of class and honor,
your actions and words will CAUSE you to rise !!
And it is NOT necessary to lower your vernacular
to the level of people who refuse to improve.
Look at the diction in this blog:
on “interracial dating: Is this where ( we at?)”
Is that actually the way you women talk??
Does that offend you,…. or are you used to it?
Have people talked (way-down) to you for so long,
that you can’t see yourselves above that level??
I really understand that everyone does not have a
college degree. But come-on, somebody,…!!
Can’t we speak to the world with a higher level
of respect for the Educated American BlACK Women??
“is this where WE at”??? …and then we wonder why
Black women get less respect than truly deserved !
Actually,… I am going to give you a piece of
my opinion about thit article….:
Like so many others I read, the questions are so
poorly posed, they leave …unbelievable gaps.
Take for example,…”is this where WE at?”
Now,..I ask you,…what kind of grammar is that?
To persons like yourself or like me,..it’s almost
insulting;… in that, we speak BETTER than that.
Yes,..I realize when you have to talk “down-home”
with some people,… the language quality suffers.
But in a blog like this,..seen all over the world,
it doesn’t make sense…to me anyway,..to do that.
Shouldn’t we present the ability of BLACK WOMEN to
relate (in English) much more intelligibly ???
Doesn’t the Black Woman deserve more respect for
intellectual prowess than: “is this where WE at?”
Okay!! It you want to sell cell-phones and want
to advertise to “the hood” in that language, Okay!
“Where YOU at?”…Look at the market it attracts.
But when you are dealing with feminine respect..??
Do authors of this blog really think all “blacks”
talk in that lower vernacular all over the world?
What kind of signal are they sending,..about the
caliber and class of YOU American Black Women??
It honestly disturbs me;..because I ONLY will date
or marry a BLACK QUEEN…who respects English.
I’m sure I am not alone!! Many Black, White and
Asian men agree;…–though some (clearly) don’t.
Not that it’s the only criterion of course;..
there are naturally other considerations as well.
Intimate propensity, brains, practicality and
spirituality may also be primary considerations.
It all counts….. and to me, it all counts in a
way that can make or break the love-interest.
I need an intelligent Black Woman;..whose bearing
and language skill-set equals her classy demeanor.
It goes,..I would think,.. that a woman who knows
how to speak well, also knows how to dress..
…how to do conduct herself appropriately in the
various discriminating socially correct settings..
and other situations where it is important for a
man of distinction to present his classy mate.
I think it goes, that such a woman also has an
innate sensitivity in other ways as well.
Intimate proclivity is important but so is the
ability to respect and appreciate correct English.
Granted,… a lot of white men can’t put two
sentences together without grammatical errors.
Chances are, they neither know or care, how you
speak or talk…as long as you…do your homework.
And perhaps that’s all some women want to do…
and really don’t care to even try to improve.
Or,… maybe some of the Black Women reading this
may not realize language = class distinction.
Maybe some of them never stopped to think about
the fact that the word, CREDIT IS NOT “CREDDICK”.
Perhaps they have grown so-used to bad grammar,
they don’t realize how it sounds to cultured men.
But I think,..for the sake of raising the esteem
of Black Women,…Classic English is important.
The person putting this blog together should surly
be aware of the awesome responsibility involved.
Properly representing the Black American Female
mind-set to an international community is crucial.
In this case I think “hoochy” English should
be totally verboten; –in favor of BLACK WOMEN.
“Is WE right-on ???” I thAnk thEt da black womanS
should git moor creddicK fur good spaking!
“Whut YOU thAnk?”
—-
Again,…
I love you for taking time to read this and for
your response.–(Can I get support from men too)?
Perhaps you may be instrumental in favorably
changing things by helping to endorse the point.
We’re talking about bringing respect to the Black
Woman in her interracial roll in the community.
If interracial relationships are to be respected
across the spectrum,.. we must raise our paradigm.
I really desire to encourage interracial romance.
I believe we all do. –Let’s Lift each other.
I look forward to hearing from you, if you care to
write. I’m also grateful for responses received.
By the way,.. you ladies look very lovely in your
photos. –I took time to view your profile.
Very impressive.
Sincerely,
(WiseChoice)
Please have a success-filled morning!
.
Comment by Wise Choice on 18 October 2009:
Dear “whyt_b0y”:
Thank you so much.
Sharing that article is very informative and
revealing of certain cultural aspects of life
in America and elsewhere; which must improve.
For those of you who may not have read it,
I would like to repeat the url address
whyt_b0y referred to. It’s another great
example of bigotry-gone-wild. I despise it!!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091015/ap_on_re_us/us_interracial_rebuff
Let me,.. for the record, say that ANY interracial
couple who seeks marital counseling, advice or any
assistance in the quest for marriage ordination,
I will deeply honored to serve you respectfully.
This problem of romantic interracial relationship
goes much deeper into the bedrock of thinking in
both political and religious thinking, than may
meet the eye of the average on-looker.
Homesteader,…
I did not ignore your comments..
(and I truly appreciated Glock’s supportive augmentation)…Thank you Glock!
Homesteader,… I don’t entirely disagree with
the sentiment of what you stated. It’s true,
we are all here for the virtual discovery of
love among each other and mutual support in it.
I would remind you, though I’m sure you already
know,… that most of the prejudiced opinions
formally advanced against interracial marriage
stem from misunderstandings and outright twists..
of truthful facts contained in religious belief
systems today. Think about it with me for a
moment. For years, many Southern churches in
America refused to sanction interracial marriage.
When you actually have preachers in pulpits
(TODAY)–NOT 2000 or 6000 years ago — preaching
a doctrine which precludes acceptance of a married
couple in their churches …they propagate hatred.
Not LOVE !! Further, they make it as impossible
as they possibly can, for an interracial couple to
survive in their community..let alone the fact
that they outrightly REFUSE to sanction then.
Not only will they not perform the ceremony..they
teach the is is sinful and degrading to the church
and the American (at least) way of life! They DO
this .. in the NAME of their religion.
So, while may I agree with you that we now live in
somewhat different different “times”,.. in some
ways “times” haven’t changed much at all!!
This problem dates back thousands of years.
It’s not new; by any stretch of imagination.
If you care to write to me at my Afro-Romance
address (WiseChoice) I will gladly give you
documentation that will substantiate this fact.
At the time of the translations… there was such
an uproar over the fact that… (WATCH THIS!!)
Nearly EVERY WOMAN IN SCRIPTURE WHO WAS GREAT—
WAS A BLACK-WOMAN!!!!!! They couldn’t accept it!
They KNEW it was true and could not dispute it.
So they buried the fact through the way they
splayed the language!!!!!!!! It really happened!
Turn the descriptive words. Make her of NO color at all! Don’t indicate WHAT color she was..period!
Then, PAINT the heroin as being WHITE..in all the
port rates of events of the times!
Children couldn’t read! They believed what the
artwork depicted! Because most adults couldn’t
read Vulgate Latin anyway…so they believed what they SAW, as well! So the belief STILL stands !
No??? Ask ANY (white) bible scholar!!!
I may be one of the few exceptions…!!–
St Mary was WHITE !! Queen Esther was WHITE!!
St. Peter’s mother was WHITE!! RUTH was ….!!!!
The Proverbs 31-Woman was WHITE !! So was the
Song-of-Solomon woman (even though she STATES
that she was BLACK and that her lover was WHITE)!!
—But why bother with the FACTS????!!!!
After all,.. it’s centuries-old !!!
Tell a lie long enough,… censure any rebuttal,
burn any book that says otherwise,… and you can
propagate anything you want to!! Ask Hitler!!
Ask the corpses of the Spanish Inquisition!!
Ask Galileo!! Ask Aristotle!! Ask George Bush!!
Or … create a NEW REVISED VERSION to cover it
up… just in case the truth still seeps through!!
The greatest women in history have nearly ALL been
…. well,..now you probably think I’m prejudiced
for believing so heartily in the black race..men
as well as women!! Want to hear about Black MEN??
But I know of a few prestigious Bible Universities
that will NOT condone, accept or admit interracial married couples who apply for student enrollment!!
AND— they teach OPENLY against such marriage!!
If I told you the name of them it would literally
SHOCK you with disbelief..until you examine their
roster as see that NOT EVEN ONE interracial couple
has been admitted for enrollment in 45 years!!!
Tell me,.. peoples’ religious/political attitude
is of no consequence .. or that their misguided view of Biblical times is not adversely affecting
the world-view of interracial marriage and dating!
I have the scars on my body to PROVE I know what
I am talking about!! I stand up for my brothers
and sisters (excuse me ladies; “sistas”)!!
And it has cost me a LOT !!! But I’d do it again!!
I love my black “family”!! And they know it!!
And everything I can do, to inspire and lift them,
I do it with all my heart and soul!! They have been cheated out of their God-Given inheritance!!
Few white people will ever admit that fact!!!
And then… now the White-Elite are fearful that
they may win it back..now that we have a President
who is of interracial heritage!!
Let me help you!! Let me put MY blood on the line
for my Black Brother! I’m ALREADY there!!!
As for my Black Sisters,… I love them totally!!
And YES….!!! The Bible DOES matter to them…
because it PROVES beyond QUESTION that they are
of ROYAL HERITAGE..!!! –Even if it IS more than
2000 years old… the history is their validation!
EVERY GREAT KING or (married) leader ..political
or religious… regardless of HIS color… was
MARRIED to a GREAT BLACK WOMAN!!! NO EXCEPTION!
So,… YES… ancient heritage DOES matter TODAY!
And like you,… I salute Interracial Websites
that promote such a good cause as to bring the world together in LOVE, regardless of skin-color!
I Support this website and this blog-site!!
I may disagree with articles and positions,
but Thank God for freedom to speak openly!!
Just— do it harmoniously and …with Class!!
Thanks, folks.
I love you;…
..but then,
(you know that already!)!
WiseChoice
Comment by shotgun007 on 19 October 2009:
To: melliott, I was kinda thinking the same thing. Thank you for taking the words right out of my mouth. Good post.
Take Care….
Comment by Wise Choice on 19 October 2009:
Sympathetically,… I took a fresh look at
my harsh response to poor grammar in the title, “Interracial dating: Is that where WE AT?”
I realized it could have been a typo. We all make
them… I try to keep my prose-style tight; but
forget to hit the Enter key and keep typing…
And being a little dyslexic, when I’m tired, words
come out looking stranger than usual. It could have
been a tired afternoon… the word “are” was missed.
It’s an easy mistake… deadlines could have caused
it to be overlooked in the rush to get the page on.
So.. if I was over-critical then I truly apologize.
(I was a little harsh on the poor use of English;
feeling that it is demeaning to the Black Woman..
in that it makes her look uneducated and “hoochy”.
“Do dat be whur WE AT ? “.;… We need to present
a more sophisticated, polished personification of
Black Women to the international internet-viewer.
I feel that far too many (white males) tend to view
average black women in that lower “hoochy” light…
and it behooves us all to raise the level of esteem.
In case anyone should read it and think I am taking an unwarranted crack-shot at the authors who work so hard to produce this web-blog please know my heart.
Sincerely,
John.
.
Comment by BELLARA on 19 October 2009:
African American women will be more attractive to men of other races if they can stop complaining about white/asian b*tches stealing all their men. I’m a black girl too but many wish to kill me with their dirty looks when they see me talking to an African American guy. I’m black but just not African American (how nonsensical)!!!!
I also think most men of other races are not that attracted to them because many go for the ‘ghetto fabulous look” ranging from the attire to the physique.
I’m not saying all of them are like this, but truth be told…many of them are.
Comment by homesteader on 20 October 2009:
pumpkin22 ;
We all change in appearance as we get older / even our minds change .
With Daily knowledge / my own ways are changing . Hopefully for the Better / I have been study ing Psychology though Observation . Here at the Blog topics .
AfroRomance has became a Tool / I use to Grow with Knowledge + or - , I have still read interesting Topics which have given me change in the ways of Our personal life together .
Love does knot change / it is the small habits I have grown to use which with insight are becoming Finely Tuned , I hope for the Positive
We live an Enjoyable life together / Have found that conversations Daily help to adjust Us to lifes Good moments in time and there are many .
Wish you luck in your search / Time to Believe it will happen for you .
AfroRomance helped bring Us together over 2 and a half years ago and we are growing older Enjoying daily what we are Building as a Family unit .
Still remain just a woman and man in Love .
Comment by homesteader on 20 October 2009:
Wise Choice ;
Those whom we meet daily in our visits to towns / Respect Us in OPEN CONVERSATION WITH uS .
All WHO DO KNOT - NEVER SAY A WORD / We are just people in Our cities in East Texas .
We smile and Laugh and it seems to spread among all we see . Life is to Enjoy /bottomline.
Comment by kragwitt on 21 October 2009:
The comments about the role of black people in Biblical history is true, Im white and I have to admit that Black people have been denied the recognition that is deserved, Mostly at the hands of the majority white population. Many are aware of George Washington Carver, but there were thousand of other plain hard working people the just never recieved recognition or worse were slandered in the name of raceism. Not many know where the term “real Mc Coy’ actually is from. No its not Irish. As for Glocks coment, I agree there are many who look when they see a mixed date only wishing they had such an attractive lady with them. But we need to be careful not to fan some flames too much. As well, IR dating should not be used in this manor, Just be with who you want to be with simply because thats who you want to be with, not to make some social statement or draw attention to your self. There is a lot to be said about not irritating others sensativies or ruffling feathers.
Comment by smiletellsit on 23 October 2009:
Pumpkin22, love what you said 10-16-09. Finally to be appreciated for our look.
Frankly, it’s the reason why black women have spent so much time and money on their hair, to try to comply with the demand for us to look white, for the rejection we get for having natural hair and our look.
AR is an online tool to broaden our search and the men here who claim to be so attracted to black women should be wanting us for WHO we are. Men are visual, but so are women; and the good women have been blessed to go deeper, to want a man beyond looks, for his quality of character and his ability to love. BF/WM is an awesome pairing!! It’s hard to imagine my life turning out any other way, but there are still so many white guys who are looking for black women to be white/asian with just darker skin. These white guys should be attracted to us for us. For the curvy hips, full lips, shades of brown skin, bright smiles, high intelligence, elegant behavior, etc. Instead, they believe the stereotypes. They make fun of the First Lady. They compare black women to apes or male characteristics. They just want us for sex or curiosity or exploration. Please. And the white guys who do appreciate us do nothing to defend our honor among whites. Come on.
My favs are the guys who have always been attracted to us and who want a good black woman, period. Who are not ashamed of us, but rather proud. And who appreciate all black women in all our looks and types.
Those awesome white guys who get it. Now they must educate their white brethren, and not just keep all the great black women for themselves…lol.
Comment by homesteader on 23 October 2009:
smiletellsit ;
Men are all individuals also / They do not look for Women who openly Stereotype them .
Separate them into color classifications / Men seek women with Class in the way they walk through Life .
Every woman that I personally have ever met , was treated with the respectful way in which she carried herself .
AfroRomance is an Inter-racial date Ting site / and there are many online everyday of Many different Heritages that spend time reading these Blogs .
The President Obama and his Beautiful Family / they walk together with Pride .
Alas , I wish you luck if you are seeking a color instead of an Individual .
Comment by homesteader on 23 October 2009:
How old must one be / before they realize that we are all just people ?
Bigotry continually shows in all these Blog topics /conversations with the useage of the same two words .
And myself , I though that change is what we all are seeking here . My wife and I did not change / We are still just a woman and a man in Love , who met at AfroRomance .
As change becomes advanced with educational levels at this time / Each must learn to Broaden their Vocabulary to Accept these Changes .
Comment by oldschool56 on 28 October 2009:
Well I have gotten stared at but probably because he is 26 and Im 53. Or maybe they wondered how this big beautiful diva attracted such a handsome lad. I lost myself in a real-life dream for 4 wonderful, tantalizing days this past September in San Francisco, what can I say?. The stares didnt stop him from holding my hand, stealing a kiss, and holding open the doors for me buying me flowers..sighhh!!! I did wonder how come I cant find a guy who is closer to my own age with the same qualities. Seems they have more issues with people staring than the younger set. They still want to limit it to under the cover of darkness. I know if Im starring at an interracial couple it is with envy..I do wish it were me too…But Im not giving up hope.
Comment by oldschool56 on 28 October 2009:
Whurr,
Im afraid that its men like you who fuel the stereotypes of what a black woman is for. Your statment “‘express myself’ during sex as you have demanded.” shows you only think of women of color as being good for one thing. And Im sure this would send up a red flag for the sisters where you are concerned. A little too cocky I think. Try looking at us the way you look at white women. Sure we might be a little more aggressive but I know some white,asian and latino women who are also the same.
Comment by WHURR on 29 October 2009:
@OLDSCHOOL56
Yes you are correct..I “only think of women of color as being good for one thing” and I know for sure that “this would send up a red flag for sisters”. I am definitely “A little too cocky.” (sic).
I have been discovered. My misogynistic ways have been evaluated properly.
Women of color are only good for one thing……
………….. to laugh at my sarcastic humor….
ARE YOU FOR REAL???
DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT I WAS BEING FACETIOUS WHEN I SAID I WAS DRIVING TO ATLANTA TO “Express myself” AS LotusLove24 STATED WAS THE REASON SHE LIKED WHITE MEN IN BED??
Enough said…thanks for sharing your ‘beliefs’. I am so happy that you publicly have stated that I am a ‘red-flag’ for women of color because ‘I think about them for one thing.’ Please let us know what university your graduate degree is from so we don’t mistakenly send our children there.
27 years difference ( the difference you refer to for you and your ‘kid-luva’) in dating is a little too much for me. It definitely is a little too ‘Oedipus’ for me. I would hate to think that when I am 5 years old, a 32 year old woman might be scoping me out while I am playing with my Legos. I think the reason people were staring at you was that… THERE WAS 27 YEARS DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU!
I don’t want to hear all the rebuttals about ‘if they are in love, who cares’. They should have never gotten to the date. There was a point that they weren’t in love etc. The whole buildup to getting to a date should have never happened!! 27 years is motherly. The 26 year old dude you were dating is definitely a classic ‘Oedipus Complex’. 27 years is perverted for a dude and perverted for a woman.
Thanks for pointing out I am deserving of a ‘red flag from women of color’. I am sure that everyone on this site takes my posts as literal as you. For theraputic reasons…I thank you for your clinical diagnosis.
So please except my diagnosis about your 53 year old self and your 26 year old ‘love toy’ that you openly shared because you are unaware of why ‘you got stares’. The reason you got stares wasn’t because you were black and he was white.
THE REASON YOU GOT STARES WAS THAT YOU WERE 53 AND HE WAS 26. PEOPLE WERE LIKE DAYUMMMMM… THAT MOM JUST MADE OUT WITH HER KID OR HER KID’S FRIEND.
WHURR - Now offically known as:
The man who “thinks of women of color as being good for one thing. And Im sure this would send up a red flag for the sisters where you are concerned”
Comment by oldschool56 on 30 October 2009:
LOLOL must have hit a nerve if you had to waste all that type to try and show just how dumb you are…if you read everything I posted which you probably didnt…you know and I know what you meant..you come on her to be sarcastic? Dont they have sites for that? I think you just get on here to see what you can start by your words…so Im done with you….have fun making fun of whatever it is you think you are making fun of…oh and as for my 26 year old?..lolol you sound jealous..trust and believe whatever the reason they were staring didnt bother either of us. Men have been doing it for centuries. Call it what you want..he and I made a cute couple. As I said it was only 4 days. And we still talk with each other. I stand by my observation of you…and as far as where I got my degrees from..you might try to go yourself. And God help the world if YOU have children unless they break the cycle and not turn out like you….later…
Comment by SnazzyBella on 30 October 2009:
@smiletellsit,
Ehhhh, no i spend time and money on my hair because I kind of like myself alot. And my beauty is not dictated by society rather by the great genes of my mother and father.
Comment by homesteader on 30 October 2009:
Whurr ;
If you are chase Sing ” Sisters ”
for only one thing / in Texas , we call this ” Inbred ” - Too closely related for healthy children or ” Pervert ” if you wish .
” Scarey ” / so to speak [ Sick wood be the proper term in my eyes ].
Knot the age of the Tree / The Beauty of the Foliage on Display at all times .
Alas Business Associates go to Dinner together [ Monkey Business and it ain’t none of your Business what others are doing anyway .
Jealousy : Would more than Likely be the Main Reason /People who are Stare ing - Stare .
” Feed em Cake ” or _ _ _ _ em and Feed em Fishheads if you please . You fill in the Blanks / Offensively if I am Correct as to Manner of Prior Statement .
Comment by homesteader on 30 October 2009:
P.S.
As We all grow Older / It just gives us more years of Practical Experience in order to Learn the Practice of Daily Respect shown to all others . Change in more recent terms .
When I was 50 years old , I dated a Ladie 84 years old / this is 34 years difference and in my Personal Opinion taking a Ladie to a Dinner Date is Considered ” Being a Gentleman ” for Anyone of Intelligence . A trait some younger boys / children shall never Possess no matter how many years they try .
Please stick with your Legos until you yourself grow old enough to Speak with Total Respect to all Ladies / Whurr.
Yet , showing your red flags in a Public Forum with Misogyny [ Hated of women ] . Publically places you in a class of boys who must like other boys , I would Imagine you should search at another site .
Comment by pumpkin22 on 30 October 2009:
@WHURR
Thanks for the offer but I think and hope I just met my prince.
@Homesteader
And thanks for the kind thoughts. He did say that based on knowing me so far he wouldn’t care whether I become bald-headed or disabled.
@chistlst and smiletellsit
I agree that most other women get played up in our society. Still remember the men who can appreciate our different beauty-inside and out- are out there and growing.
Recently, I found it interesting to hear about a study done by the National Council on Family Relations. Their conclusion was that the most successful interracial marriages are between white men and black women. In fact, they were found to be 40% more successful than even white male/white female marriages.
For a while there, I’ve been making no bones about being primarily attracted to white men. While my attraction was originally borne out of a rejection by black men, my feelings have evolved into a full-blown attraction for white men.
And no, there is no self-hatred going on here. I have no desire to be white or to assimilate into white society.
My hair is natural and will remain that way. While I do speak standard English, my inflections will remain African-American. And for the rest of my life, I will always relate and sympathize with other blacks including my black brothers.
It just turns out that the people I feel most comfortable around and spending most of my time with are black women and white men.
Rather than using the term stereotype, I would say that we are more or less affected by the culture that we were raised in. So in general, white men are more acculturated to be more open, honest, masculine yet humble, and giving in my experience.
That in turn can often translate into increased intimacy-in and out of the bedroom.
At the same time as males and females- we are often most attracted to what is opposite of ourselves.
Comment by WHURR on 31 October 2009:
@OLD FOOL56
Actually, you made a pretty bold generalization about a joke I made with someone. You expect that I am going to sit back and not have much to say to your genralizations.
I enjoy posting on this blog and I enjoy reading the emails sent to me from users who enjoy reading my posts as well.
As for you and your ‘man-child’ that you were dating, different strokes for different folks I guess is the best cliche for your case.
Jealous?? Don’t flatter yourself!
I still stand by my claim that I consider it to be perverted that there is 27 years age difference between you.
As far as my children go, they are all like me.
Stay away from my son… he is 13 now and I don’t want you to get too worked up!
Comment by smiletellsit on 1 November 2009:
@pumpkin22
Thanks for that statistic. Good to know. Where did you find it on NCFR site?
P.S. My hair is natural, too, and I love it.
@homesteader
Not getting why you say the things you do. In honesty I just skim. They don’t make sense. And please don’t bother commenting to this, we just process things differently.
@snazzybella
Glad you feel that way. Check out the new hair documentary, it’s seem black women are still trying too hard with the hair.
My comments speak to another POV of what I hear and experience. Sometimes I wish we didn’t have the sad racial experiences we do. I’m deeply optimistic. I grew up in a life of unlimited possibility that didn’t see color. I’m attracted to certain white guys b/c I have more in common with their life experience.
Comment by homesteader on 2 November 2009:
Generally Speaking ;
Sometimes Personal conversations with other people on these Blog topics / bring a Literal Usage of others Words into the open sight of the World at Large .
Slang may be comical in Cartoons / Insults as to anothers Enjoyment of Life are Not.
When a Ladie whom I speak with , Feels that an Insult has been made in a Public Forum / Ain’t no fool like an old Fool - I earned my voice on these matters I will be the first to Defend her thoughts of Happiness .
Older people have gotten that age because they used common sense and knowledge in Hard times to Survive the oppression of Childish Behavior of others .
[ Misogynistic ways - Meaning Hatred ] being Evaluated Litterally as Written .
This will remain a Date Ting site Promoting Love .
Comment by WHURR on 2 November 2009:
@Homesteader
Ehhhh… nothing I said was misogynistic.
The weakest argument against making comments towards others comments is misogyny. When a woman makes a comment and a man has a rebuttal, is this the new ‘race card’? Lets all cry ‘misogyny’.
Give me a break. Don’t post generalizations about someone if you don’t want them to make a rebuttal back. When I see my name, I clearly have an opinion as well and it will be posted.
I made a joke regarding someone’s comments about liking how ‘white men express themselves during sex’. The comment was quoted. I always use quotes from others. I made an obvious joke!
I was then labeled to be a ‘red flag’ by OLDSCHOOL. Because I used LOTUSLOVES exact words, I had some comments to say to her regarding that.
She openly talked about dating a man who was 27 years younger than her. As most people who read that winced, I openly commented on that. So I not only winced with everyone else, but I commented
You can be ‘Mr . Chivalrous’ and try to use the same generic comments that you want. The fact is I say it like I see it.
YOU DATING AN 84 YEAR OLD WHEN YOU WERE 50???
THAT IS WAYYYYY MORE PERVERSE THAN HER!!
“When I was 50 years old , I dated a Ladie 84 years old ” <—- by far the grossest comment I have seen on this website in years!!
Comment by homesteader on 5 November 2009:
I will stand by the fact of taking a Ladie to Dinner / no matter her age or mine is still Considered being a ” Gentleman ” .
Comment by homesteader on 5 November 2009:
Whurr to quote you ” I have been discovered . My misogynistic ways have been evaluated properly .” On 10/29/09 . It is still in print Please feel free to Deny that fact .
And it was a Ladie that personally wrote me saying how you turned her Dinner Date comment into a Personal Insult toward her Enjoyment .
I could see that you had added your Perverse thoughts to her dinner date comment in your comment .
Comment by homesteader on 5 November 2009:
P.S. I learned years ago to Respect my Elders /each and every one of them .
Comment by homesteader on 5 November 2009:
Whurr P.S. ;
I made use of the entire paragraph of your comment and you failed to Quote the Entirety of my comment . Omission by Intent or Fraud in order to claim Perverse and gross , ???? as I stated that it was a Dinner Date in my paragraph .
Please feel free to define the word ” Misogynistic ” if it means any other than Hatred of Women .
Comment by SnazzyBella on 5 November 2009:
WOW,
I can feel the passion between two people on here. The back and forth dialogue bespeaks of interest. Is there another afro match here?????
Whurr??? oldschool56????
Are yall K I S S I NG in a tree?
Nosy afro peeps wanna know
Comment by whurr on 7 November 2009:
@Homesteader
Your ramblings are inane and they cause me migraines. An interpreter is needed just to identify the predicate. After reading some of the things you have rambled on about, I am wondering if it is possible to sue my English Composition teacher for lying to me about the rules of grammar.
I ran one of your postings through the ‘grammar check’ in my Microsoft Word 2007 and the response was ‘What The F*^&???’
Comment by homesteader on 9 November 2009:
Whurr ;
You stay with your ‘ grammer check ‘ / You failed to answer the questions asked .
You Insulted a Lady and I with your brief writing of incomplete Quotes .
Take two aspirin and call your Doctor in the morning .
Comment by oldschool56 on 10 November 2009:
@WHURR,
Seeing how you want to call me out of my screen name..lol…I can tell by your post, that you are just a pathetic “little”(and Im not talking about your height) man with nothing better to do than stir up trouble. I find it amusing that you use others quotes to insult or give an opinion. Which means you dont really have a mind of your own.
So I can just ignore you when you are annoying and reply when I want to be amused. You probably dont even date outside your race because no self respecting sister (all races) would have you. If you are that foolish online you are probably worse offline. YOU BREED?? LOL! Only two ways that went. His mamma cant stand you or you are still with her in which case..why are you even on here?..And if she is with you and you are trying to make friends with women of different races, the one thing I do know is SHE doesnt know about it. So your 13 year old is pre-destined to seek therapy for the 20 years when he does grow up.
And that also means you are the perverted one. Im free single and wayyyyy over 21 and if I want to date a 27 year old so be it. You only wish you could find a 27 year old to date you…oh wait…your wife/girlfriend wouldnt like that would she?
Comment by Glock on 11 November 2009:
Whurr, you’re not the only one who feels like that when it comes to Homesteader.
Comment by whurr on 12 November 2009:
I love that you actually have to take time of your day to reply to my posts! It means that something I have typed has ruined your day.
The fact that I can occupy your life enough to quantify a reply, makes me happy.
Please keep it up!
It makes me laugh intrinsically when people get so riled up over random internet comments. I hope you put as much effort into life and try to make better decisions about humanitarian issues.
The internet is awesome!!
If I took anything that you said seriously, I would be attacking you for commenting about my 13 year old needing therapy, almost wishing him to be there. Wahh wahh wahh.
Its the internet! Personal comments…attacks on my family…attacks on me!
Give me a break!
Like I said, I truly find this whole thing amusing. I can tell your comments are starting to become darker and deeper. Since I mentioned my son, you decided it is good enough for you to address him as well.
As I said, cyber fighting is so amusing!
You are my official cyber-stalker and I think its cute!
You love commenting on all my posts on other blogs and I think its great! You are my number 1 fan now!
Thanks
Comment by homesteader on 13 November 2009:
Birds of a feather / flock together .
You two should get along well.