Hey everyone, here is a little story I composed about different instances of interracial marriages, and not only. I will post it in three parts… But here is the 1st one and I would really appreciate your comments on this.
Jodene Morrell, a San Francisco teacher of German and Japanese heritage, stopped dating white men after a bad experience with her high school sweetheart.
“He thought it would be interesting to date an Asian woman because of the quiet, submissive image portrayed on `Shogun,’ ” said Morrell, who instructs fourth-graders at a public school in Chinatown. “I broke up with him because of that.”
Morrell, 26, is now married to Ernest Morrell, an African American man. And she says she faces even more prejudice: from whites who believe she “married down,” and from blacks who feel that she stole “another good black man.”
“People have given us dirty stares and called us names,” said Morrell. Once, in 1993, a middle-aged white woman walked up to the couple and said, “Keep to your own race.”
The experiences of the Morrells and numerous other young people show that interracial dating can still be a minefield — although interracial marriages nationally have more than quadrupled to 1.4 million since 1970.
Dozens of young people interviewed at Bay Area schools, colleges and shopping malls said they often encounter angry stares, racist comments, shock and disapproval from parents and peers when they date interracially — especially
if the skin color of their partner is darker than theirs.
The fact that the younger generations — unexposed to Jim Crow laws and other interracial bans of old — are struggling with the issue, even in the Bay Area, indicates that skin color is at least as big a barrier as anything else when it comes to forming relationships.
Indeed, Morrell’s mother — who herself defied detractors by marrying outside her race — initially urged her not to marry an African American.
“When I told my mom I was marrying Ernest, she broke into tears,” Morrell said quietly. For the first time ever, she started talking about the difficulties of dating outside her race. “She kept asking, `What about your kids?’ But then I asked her, `What about me?’ ”
Morrell’s husband acknowledged that his mother told him at 18 that she was sad about so many “professional black men marrying non-blacks.” But his family now loves her very much.
Most experts and interracial couples would agree that there is a lot less open hostility in the Bay Area, a place known for its diversity and progressive attitudes. But nevertheless, Morrell says, things are far from perfect here.
“I think my perception was, `Wow,’ there’s a lot more interracial dating than in San Diego where we lived before,” she said.
“But it’s not as popular as people think. In fact, I think it’s extremely difficult . . . and it will be a long time — if ever — before race is no longer an issue.”
To be continued…
~Ria
Popularity: 6% [?]
Comment by keeweeblck on 9 January 2007:
Interracial dating is something that most people raise eyebrows about. And trust me being a black woman, you cant walk hand in hand with a white man and expect not to leave enough heads turned. Where I live, when a black woman dates a white man, the woman will definately be labled a whore or gold digger and when its the other way round, the man is seen as a gold digger and the white woman desperate. Comments like “Werent there white men in her country?” always follow.
As much as in our ideal worlds we like to think people are ok with it, realisically they arent. Most people will say they dont mind… telling us what we want to hear but if you stay with them long enough, the commens they make clearly depict that they are not ok with it.
When it comes to our parents, all I can ask for is for them to respect their kids decissions and give them a chance just. Morell is now loved by Ernests family and that is how it should be.
Comment by numanumaeh on 9 January 2007:
what’s with people and skin colour? I try to understand what’s in it but i simply dont get it. For one our anatomy is the same. Dating a dark skinned person aint dating a lesser human being. Society has labled blacks all sorts of things until its till blacks have started living those lables. I say that aint right. Some people even act as though they have seen ghosts.
A friend of mine got married in Germany and believe me, it wasnt easy for her. Being dark-skinned, people used to stare at her practically like she was martian or something. Its just a colour and emotions that a light skinned person can exhibit are the same kind of emotions capable to be shown by a dark skinned person. Colour shouldnt be something to dwell on. We should all be free to date whoever coz we like their personality, not colour.
Comment by Bill1 on 21 January 2007:
Here here! I agree totally, color is irrelevant!
Comment by unme23 on 4 February 2007:
i totaly agree with you bill!!!
Comment by mossimo on 14 February 2007:
I agree, it will be a long time before race is no longer an issue in this country.
Comment by Paul on 15 October 2007:
A BM’s opinion on IR-dating
Most of what i read about IR relationships is this kind of phoney P.C. stuff i’ve been reading here and elsewhere. For once I’d love to hear these IR-loving folks admit:
(1) that race does matter. If you don’t believe it does, you need to read and travel more. AND turn off “Dancing with the Stars” and watch more news show. Pay close attention to political conflicts about resources that’s happening all over the world.
What do you people think that’s about? I suggest you join the real world. Most people are against IR –unless they are doing it. The ones who aren’t doing won’t tell you the truth — to your face — so don’t believe the hype.
(3) that people often DO come together because of race and NOT in spite of race (otherwise why would they be dating exclusively outside their race? of course they’re not color-blind if they refuse to date people of their own race. Makes no sense to say otherwise)
(4) that many IR-daters carry stereotypes into these “pure” relationships and have a ton of baggage against their OWN race, and will OFTEN put down members of their own race in order to justify their racial obsession.
(5)And that NO one is colorblind unless they are legally blind.
(6)that how the children of IR-unions DO struggle mightily with their identity in a world that demands you choose. I don’t care how many folks delude themselves into thinking they can walk the line, or be colorless. They can’t. Either you are white or you are non-white, basically, in a racist society like America.
let’s break it down. You don’t choose your race in a white-dominated society; they choose for you. This alone is one of the reasons all this IR-is-beautiful crap irritates me. If they can’t be honest about race, how can they teach their children how to navigate race in a racist society?
Most of the IR couples i know (i have some in my family) can’t even discuss race openly unless it’s some kind of phony, pseudo-intellectual exercise. For example they say things like, “The Jena Six is not about race, it’s about right and wrong.” Wrong answer! Jena 6 is ALL about race, point, blank, period.
If you doubt anything i’ve said, look at the second paragraph in the first story: “Jodene Morrell, a San Francisco teacher of German and Japanese heritage, stopped dating white men after a bad experience with her high school sweetheart.”
Now, think about it. Miss Jodene had a bad experience with a WM (high school sweetheart) and now she won’t date any WM? So, she marries a BM? Why? because he’s not white? (since she doesn’t like WM anymore) What happened to dating a Japanese man? Never heard her mention that. And yet, she believes she’s not hung up on race? Please…
Actually, the Jodenes are TYPICAL of IR-daters. Their “pretense” that race doesn’t matter often masks their true “RACE OBSESSIONS”. I’d bet money Jodene didn’t date Japanese men. Race doesn’t “matter” — not unless it’s their own.
Another thing that’s irritating is their pretense that IR-dating is so special that they should make up a NEW race if their child is bi-racial. Who the heck is NOT bi-racial? Most of us (especially black folks) are tri-, quad-, even multi-racial. Who doesn’t have a mixture of blood in their veins? Yet the so-called bi-racial person wants a new category just for them? And they say race should not be important? See the contradiction?
Bottom line, if you have a black parent and a white parent, more than likely society will decide FOR you. If you look more white, you can pass. If not, you will be black, believe that.
In any case, carry on. Self-delusion can be a grand, albeit, potentially dangerous psychological exercise.
peace.
Comment by Sandy on 14 January 2008:
I don’t care what others will say. I have lived and worked in Germany and the USA is more racist/prejudice. Many other minorities hope to “Pass” being white only to discover that many whites in Europe and USA don’t like them either. As a black woman, I am not surprised because I was prepared in my younger years.
Comment by Nikki on 19 February 2008:
Damn! Paul, I am so glad you posted that opinion here. I feel exactly the same as that man (if that man is you then again I totally agree with you). I have stated this on so many blogs, but people act as if I am the one with the problem. Something is wrong with this world where you can state you are color-blind, but you then seek out a person of a certain ethnic group exclusively. It is this type of thinking that causes me to not care that much for interracial dating. I’m not really for or against it. I’m more neutral towards the matter. I guess dealing with the contradictions and hypocrisy allowed me to see that most people are truly full of shit.
Comment by Nick Carter on 19 February 2008:
There’s no doubt that this world and definitely this country is not color-blind. Walk down the street arm-in-arm with someone of a different hue and you can’t help but feel the stares and the comments of passersby. Not everyone but enough so you can’t help but realize that we have a long way to go.
Of course that’s not the limit of it. Japanese folks get grief for dating Koreans. Irish men hear it for going our with Italians. Lighter-skinned/Darker-skinned couples hear about it all the time as well. And let’s not even start about religious differences.
The fact is, there have always been bigots and sadly there likely always will be. That doesn’t mean that you have to join the party.
Comment by IamPaulsNEMISIS on 10 March 2008:
You’re an intolerant and unintelligent racist imbecile, Paul. I am so upset, I wish I could physically harm you or at least hurl some expletives in your direction, but Ill try to keep this civilized and absolutely refute the rank garbage that you’ve written here so my post makes it up.
Its corollary that we notice the differences in race - otherwise the word would not be in our vocabulary. No one is saying race does not matter. We’re saying that it should not. The color of a persons skin DOES NOT portend any specific characteristics that are not present in ALL races. Also, the IR couples that you know DO NOT give you enough information to make projections about other IR relationships. What should be of concern is how your partner treats you. Or how they treat your loved one involved in that relationship. What should not be tolerated is the verbal or nonverbal abuse sometimes directed towards IRs from some people in society. They need to realize whether people come together in spite of race or because of race it can still be beautiful - love is its own truth. It IS colorblind. And finally, that innocent children of mixed ancestry feel their identity is in crisis from discrimination is a nasty mark on society - the mere fact that something happens does not mean its right.
People should be free to maximize their happiness without discrimination no matter where they fall on the color spectrum. It is essential to the expression of personal freedom and should be defended rigorously by anyone who values it.
– signed, BM in love with any woman I choose.
PS. Normally 2 comes after the number 1. Try and remember that next time. OK?
Comment by choirboy on 10 June 2008:
I have dated several woman outside my race (black) and I live in Boston, MA. there are a few people who still stare but I think mostly its what I feel inside. I was born in Miss. and it hasn’t washed off yet. When I am with my woman (greek) she doesn’t really notice other people or she doesn’t really care. I however see everything even things that may not be there. I was hugging her one day and this young woman (white) and her friend kept looking and I was just about to ask what they were looking at when I noticed that a woman behind us had remove her top and ran into the fountain. I could have made a fool out of myself instead I joined in the laughter. Another time an elderly sista was watching us and started to approach us, again I was going to say something but she was handing out little bible books. Sometimes it may just be in your own mind.