Are you still dreaming of that big white wedding? Going by a recent survey, you might be one of a dying breed. According to the 2005 South African Social Attitudes survey, people are developing more liberal attitudes towards marriage.
Whilst the institution of marriage isn’t disappearing in most African countries, marriage rates are relatively low and are expected to continue the decline trend with the corresponding increase of cohabitation.
Nowadays, young people between the age of 16 and 18 are less likely to support walking down the isle that those who are 50 and older. Most young people feel that unmarried people are generally happier.
A twenty something year old guy told me that there is no point in exchanging marriage vows when you are that young. For him, the true test that a marriage will last is cohabiting for years and years on end. He sees himself getting married after forty … that is if he and the woman he is living with can last that long. (Notice the doubt in that statement?)
What are the statistics for separation of people who co-habit? Is it higher or lower than the divorce rate? Does only “living” with someone make it easier to walk away? Are you as committed? Is marriage only a piece of paper or is it a badge of honor that you wear (always believing you will never be one of the statistics?)
Well, maybe young adults are being so influenced by the high rates of divorce that they feel formalizing the union is like mocking the sacred institution of marriage. Maybe they are FED UP with the divorce rates.
Is being married for 40 years something only our parents will ever achieve because it’s now just far too easy to get divorced without working it out like they did?
Tags: marriage, interracial dating, weddings
Popularity: 2% [?]
Comment by deeann on 10 December 2007:
Continue
3. When a man asks a woman to marry him that really
means he holds that woman in high regard and
yes, I believe it is still an honor for someone
to be asked, “Will you marry me?”
(Then again, I could be wrong…LOL, what I know?)
Comment by noiraime on 10 December 2007:
I think we all are getting a bit scared of marriage. Not that we dont want to live the rest of our lives with the one we love, but we are so scared that it is gonna end up in a divorce. If you think of marriage you automatically think of divorce.It seems that everybody around us gets divorced, and for very small reasons sometimes. So isnt is right that we get scared? But maybe if we all wanna work a litle harder at staying with our spous and bring the divorce rate down, maybe the upcoming generation and the one after that wil not fear divorce so much.
Comment by cocokisses on 10 December 2007:
Deeann, great comments. I believe in the institution of marriage. I believe if you stand before God and pledge to honor your spouse, you should. I also believe that you can’t hold together a marriage when only one person believes in it. You can’t be married by yourself. I truly believe that it is one important reason why most marriages don’t work.
Comment by fala on 12 December 2007:
I’m not a big believer in marriage, but hey if it works for you - go for it!
Comment by Michael Barreto on 15 December 2007:
Asking a women for her hand in marriage is the biggest commitment a man can give a women. To assure her of his commitment, respect and his support for her. It is when two people become one in the eyes of God, family and friends.
Comment by fala on 15 December 2007:
Michael Barreto, if it’s that meaningful why do so many divorce?
Comment by Glock on 16 December 2007:
I think (if I may interject) that people expect the warm fuzzy feelings to stay with them through out the marriage. When it subsides and they don’t feel the “tingles” anymore, start “noticing” all the little things they ignored earlier, that’s when the relationship starts to go down hill. Instead of working on the problems they want to just end it and continute their search for “happiness”.
I think many marriages are wasted because of a lack of willingness to work on problems.
Comment by fala on 16 December 2007:
I agree completely Glock. Divorce has made it easy for couples to not to have to face the problems in their marriage and just simply walk away instead.
Comment by cocokisses on 17 December 2007:
This is true Fala. I believe in marriage and all it stands for. I also believe for far too many that marriages are disposable. Find someone who has the same values and commitment that you do, and take it from there. When I marry next week, I know this time around that this person feels exactly as I do, and add to that the fact that we are now mature adults who really want to be with each other-for the rest of our lives.
Comment by fala on 17 December 2007:
Congratulations and Best Wishes Coco. I wish lots of love and happiness for the 2 of you.
Comment by ethereal99 on 18 December 2007:
It’s amazing how marriage seems to work so easily for some couples yet can be a disaster for others. I’ve been engaged twice but did not get married. The first time was due to differences & arguments that emerged during the engagement & the second time we couldn’t get married due to legal issues, namely she was married before when she was very young & thought it annulled, but it wasn’t. Hey, I’m still willing if everything is right, maybe someday……….
PS: To Coco: Big congrats & all the best to you !
Comment by Sharon on 23 December 2007:
I don’t think marraige is dead…and as long as there is religion I think it will flourish…marriage isn’t for everyone…I didn’t get married until I was in my 30’s…people are still able to commit them selves to each other.
Good luck in your search.
Southen smiles and world peace,
Sharon
Comment by sammy_d_luv on 31 December 2007:
I don’t think it’s just the young ones anymore that are afraid of marriage.
Most older women I meet in my age range seem to prefer to be single, No one seems to want to work on a real relationship these days-just easier to go from one to another when they feel like it, which in my eyes means they don’t realy even want to fall in love these days-To Much Work.
I for one still believe in Marriage and Love, even if i get hurt again.(maybe i’m crazy)
This is a sad day we live in where so many people just wants the ME ME ME thing-you can be my friend with benifits but don’t try to be part of my life, because I won’t committ nor deal with anything - I just want you to be there when I want somone to go out with or i’m horny attitude.
For myself I’ll wait for that lady that does want a real relationship/love/marriage–dreams do come true on occasion. lol-I’ll keep on dreaming!
Comment by mochaberry on 2 January 2008:
I would never recommend marriage. Some people spend their entire single lives wishing they were. If you are an idealist, if you truly give your heart over to the experience, if you believe anything remotely biblical in regards to that kind of union, you may be in for a complete shock if the person you love walks away. Always keep in mind that at any given point what you feel is not what your partner may feel, they may not be forthcomming in what they feel, and that this person can change their mind about every single aspect of their life…in essence permanently altering yours on many different levels. People find any and every reason to leave their marriages. Think long and hard. Its a big risk with the most sacred thing you have…your heart.
Comment by HereIamBaby on 4 January 2008:
If it was up to men…marriage might be dead…but it isn’t…LOL
Southern smiles and world peace,
Sharon
Comment by faithful1946 on 4 April 2008:
I have been married several times and it was good while it lasted. I have been married for most of my life and wouldn’t trade it for the world. That is why I am looking for another husband. Each one ended in different circumstances and we left as friends.
There is just a different closeness and sharing when people are married. It is hard for women my age to get married because most of the men my age have either had bad experiences, or are so in love with past wives that they don’t want another.
Comment by saffron on 12 July 2008:
Let me throw this out at you…how can you have some couples who have been together for YEARS successfully (house, kids ect) then decide like 10yrs down the road to “get married” then get divorced shortly afterwards….did something very different happen overnight?
i have known a couple of folks like that..their reasons were varied…also i know of some folks who decide not to get married, but are in every sense of the word and have been happy for yrs…better than most of my married friends.
so what is up with that?..different expectations?..des marriage give you a license to stop making your relationship work?..”oh i got him or her so i can relax..we are married so they arent going anywhere”…
it seems the folks i know who are just ” happy to be together” have the stronger ties because somehow not being married makes them keep working on their relationship..because the perception is that you can walk out at any time (notice i say perception…because getting a divorce is just as easy)
me?..i have no rose colored glasses on about the institute of marriage (been there done that not interested in going back)…and i feel its the relationship…not the cake..the flowers..the certificate..the dress..period