Of sex and commitment

There Are 22 Responses So Far. »

1. 

   Comment by redwoodswede on 4 April 2008:

   I generally think emotional commitment is necessary for sex to be emotionally fulfilling. It can be physically satisfying without that, but I generally think the physical is that much better when you have the emotional complement to it.

   That’s why break-up sex is usually lousy.

   Love + lust = blow your mind.
2. 

   Comment by Faithful1946 on 4 April 2008:

   Personally, I have to have emotional feelings for sex to be fulfilling. I just can’t have sex and not feel anything for that person. You can get sex ( some good, some bad ) anywhere, but to have fulfilling sex, I need to have feelings for that person. If that person is not sexually appealing to me, I can’t have sex. I make love, not sex.
3. 

   Comment by agedwine on 5 April 2008:

   absolutely if emotion and feeling are involved the experience is incredibly fullfilling for both people and the extesy is much higher it must be mutual or its just sex and will not be satisfying
4. 

   Comment by Thick_lover on 5 April 2008:

   Allow me to be a contrarian, just to spice up the predictable answers that the question seems designed to elicit.

   First, some clarity. The question is whether the SEX can be fulfilling, not whether the sex makes the relationship with the person fulfilling.

   So what makes sex fulfilling? What makes any intense experience fulfilling? Is fulfillment a 1 or 0 question?

   What if person A has a now very close friend B with whom A formerly was in a committed relationship, but for reasons of longterm personal compatibility (aka love), A decides that B is not somebody for the longterm, because there are non-sexual elements that do not satisfy A for that long-term?

   But the SEX is great — intimate, passionate — and A think B is still a great person, regardless — just not the ideal person for A? Is the consensual SEX with B in a post-committed relationship fulfilling, or merely less fullfilling than optimal? This of course assumes that A has not yet met person C, OR A has but is in a open relationship with C.

   whew, that’s a lot of letters, but I didn’t want to use “you”, “I”, “she”, “he”, and other pronouns that personalize!

   Anyways…not everybody throws former bfs/husbands/gfs/wives away when a committed relationship ends, and stops having sex with them, despite what our society’s ideals are. And that SEX is sometimes still damn good!
5. 

   Comment by travler on 5 April 2008:

   I feel that any one can have sex but to me to be fulfilinit has to have feeling ( emotional )my belief
6. 

   Comment by mosche on 5 April 2008:

   Sex is great when both parties commit to the act itself. Otherwise, it would be classified as a “Hump and Dump”!
7. 

   Comment by outpass35 on 6 April 2008:

   I feel to have sex you need to have some type of feeling invested.
8. 

   Comment by LGand2gh on 6 April 2008:

   What has our society come to?I admit I was a party animal years ago,the stories I could tell.Looking back it was the thing to do,one night stands and hope he’d call.Needless to say,no phone call.I have gone years w/out sex.I am currently celibate.I am worth waiting for.Ever since Roe V. Wade and the pill we as women have gone crazy.Now there are diseases that will kill us if we are not careful.Self esteem,self respect,self Love,it all begins w/ yourself.I wish I had a significant other to snuggle and make love with.I bet there is nothing that compares to 2 people committed to each other making love.I hope it happens for me and for you too.What ever happened to old fashioned morals?Boy meets girl,and they take their time to get to know each other,heart to heart.God is watching us.
9. 

   Comment by Diversity on 6 April 2008:

   I agree with LGand2gh, sex is magically with their is an emotional commitment, the two can become one.
10. 

    Comment by Luvmetru29 on 6 April 2008:

    I also believe that sex is better when you are emotionally committed. It makes you feel that your body and heart means so much more than just any old piece, but a slice of love’s true riches.
11. 

    Comment by Cloe27 on 7 April 2008:

    Okay, I guess I’ll be the woman who goes against the grain here. Casual sex can be fulfilling if both parties are aware that it comes with a “it is what it is” stamp. Ideally, we all would prefer our sex encounters to be meaningful and with someone we care about but in the cases where you just want to get your rocks off…it is what it is. The casual sex scenerio typically involves two MATURE parties who don’t leave the “party” filling put out or embarassed. In the cases where you think you’re in a relationship with someone and you’re not…that’s the part that sucks. So before any sex is to be had, the couple needs to have a chat about what their individual expectations are. Meaning, are we dating or f@#*ing? That’s just my two cents.
12. 

    Comment by SnazzyBella on 8 April 2008:

    Fornication is a sin
13. 

    Comment by SnazzyBella on 8 April 2008:

    Fornication is a sin
14. 

    Comment by fkoi on 9 April 2008:

    To me, casual sex misses the point. What is the sense of being that physically intimate to someone with whom you don’t feel that emotionally, mentally and spiritually intimate? That kind of a disconnect is not good for you.

    That’s how I feel today. If you talk to my 20-year old self, you’d get a different point of view, but what does he know?
15. 

    Comment by lovinlife1 on 9 April 2008:

    There must be something wrong with me. I’ve had sex with the one I love and it is at times great. I have also had sex with women more casually. Either way, I can’t seem to be that interested. It is a problem with every relationship that I have. The girl is crazy about it and I could give a damn. So, perhaps I haven’t really found the one I love and sex without true love ends meaningless.
16. 

    Comment by Yram on 9 April 2008:

    What is fulfilling sex?
    How is sex fulfilling?
    When is sex fulfilling?

    I believe that all of these questions can be answered based on, (a) personal feelings or (b) personal experiences.

    Let me expound for a moment,

    Fulfilling sex is sex that is rewarding, satisfying, pleasing, gratifying not frustrating.

    To make sex rewarding, there must be two people (this is my perspective), and sex is gratifying when there is an obvious and mutual respect for the other party (notice I did not say parties). I am no expert on the topic, but I have always felt more gratified when my partner was my mate and we could share everything, laugh at ourselves and feel comfortable around each other.

    Pleasure can be given and/or received without an emotional connection, but true and lasting sexual fulfillment (each party is emotionally and physically gratified) comes from a comfortable state of being – love and mutual respect – only found in a seriously committed relationship (I won’t classify what I mean here, but God mandated the lifestyle by creating Eve for Adam).

    Someone mentioned the diseases that are so rampant in this era, and I must say that I agree wholeheartedly. Searching for the next new sexual partner is a high for some, but a dangerous high! Solve that problem, by discussing sex openly with your spouse and explore together, not with others! After all, God’s going to ask us why we chose an individual other than our spouse to become intimate with. How do you plan to answer that question (and even if you do not believe in God, how would you answer that question to yourself, your child(ren)?

    Fulfilling something means to be “totally”, not “partially” gratified.

    Good luck everyone and be careful out there…..
17. 

    Comment by ethereal99 on 10 April 2008:

    Some emotional energy is necessary otherwise the sex will be equal to eating an ice cream sundae. Great at the time but soon forgotten.
18. 

    Comment by HereIamBaby on 27 April 2008:

    Women are going to answer this question differently!
    And as well will answer it differently in different stages of their lives!

    I say yes…no…yes…no wait a minute,….yes…no, no….LOL!

    Southern smiles and world peace,
    Sharon
19. 

    Comment by majestic_one on 6 May 2008:

    ok. if i was immature i would say, yes it can be fulfilling. but as a resposible adult who has been through the ringer on more than one occassion, NO… SEX IS NOT FULFILLING W/O EMOTIONAL COMMITTMENT!!!!

    Casual sex is only good for the heart-less. not for human beings. huge difference. if you are the kind of person and that screw or lay down with anyone just to get a nut off, then you have no boundries and lack substance. i dont care what anyone says. there is no way to have intmacy with someone and NOT CARE… emotional committment makes it 1billion times better and then its not just sex.. its 2 people experssing themselves and connecting on several levels.

    a lot of men and women lack that these days.

    but me personally. i can not just have sex with someone. i have to have an emotional commitment AND connection.
20. 

    Comment by majestic_one on 6 May 2008:

    SORRY FOR THE TYPO’s in my post.
21. 

    Comment by ICE2008 on 12 June 2008:

    Well said CLOE27.

    Anybody can get laid (OK…almost anybody! LOL), but for the most part, it’s just plain old sex w/o any emotional strings attached. For most men, they are satisfied with just the physical act. For most women, however, it becomes an emotional thing once they give their body to a male lover. Not saying it happens like this for everybody, but that’s just the way it is.

    Like CLOE27 said: Find out before hand if you are just f#*k buddies, or is there a relationship brewing. That way, a level of expectation is established and no one gets hurt emotionally.
22. 

    Comment by sweetroses on 23 August 2008:

    Hi I like this site a lot it’s been very good, I think there is no such thing as casual sex, people have to be emotional, physically attached, the passion has to be there for two people to have great sex. People are haveing meaningless sex this is not the way god has intended it to be. Good luck everyone.

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