I once asked you guys in an earlier post: “Do dating sites encourage racial prejudice?” Well, a UC Irvine study claims that online daters have a tendency of observing racial stereotypes while seeking potential mates.
The researchers analyzed Yahoo personals and found that White men prefer Asian and Hispanic women to African American women as dating partners. White women on the other hand have a preference for African American and Hispanic men as opposed to Asian men. Asians, Blacks and Latinos were more inclined to include White people as possible mates than White people were to include them. White people seem to be the most preferred race when it comes to interracial dating.
Cynthia Feliciano, one of the researchers and UCI assistant professor of sociology and Chicano/Latino studies, pegs the above preference findings on negative portrayals of Black women and Asian men by the media – on TV, in movies and music. “Stereotypical images of masculinity and femininity shape dating choices and continue to be perpetuated in the mass media,” said Feliciano, “The hyper-feminine image of Asian American women contrasts greatly with the image of Asian men, who are often portrayed as asexual.”
At the same time, the image of the strong Black woman, portrayed negatively by media as bossiness, is pegged against the idealized notions of submissive and frail women; which kinda explains why they were the least preferred choice of mate. This study on internet dating shows how race still plays into the selection of a partner.
Having been dubbed the ‘dominant race’ and being the most preferred racial group (according to the study), do you think White people influence the composition of interracial dating in the U.S.? Do racial stereotypes as portrayed by the media influence racial preference and choice in the internet dating scene? What other factors could be making Black women and Asian men the least preferred groups?
Tags: interracial dating sites, asian women dating, black women black men
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Comment by Glock on 28 April 2009:
Often times blacks in general may grow up in a predominately white neighborhood, and by doing so talk “white”. It’s not necessarily that they are trying to “act” white but rather talk in a manner which represents the environment they were raised.
My ex was one. Raised in a white neighborhood and talked “white”, yet talked “black” when she was around her black friends. I guess she felt she needed to be “authentic”.
Comment by fkoi on 28 April 2009:
Wheehew! This post opened a much bigger can of worms than I thought it would (I know where have I been, right?).
First off, most folks tend to mate, date and reproduce with other folks like themselves. That is how those differences have lasted all this time. A large part of that has been geographical of course but today those decisions rest on choices influenced by a whole host of reasons not the least of which are peer/familial pressure and the media. However, that fact blows up the second paragraph of the original post.
The next two paragraphs deal with media-stereotypes of which I’m not even aware. Is Lucy Lu “ultra-feminine?” Was Bruce Lee “asexual?” Who are these bossy Black women? And if Pam Grier’s Foxy Brown wasn’t sexy when she said, “You just handle the justice, and I’ll handle the revenge myself,” I’m missing something. And if Roseanne was when she said, “Here I am, 5 o’clock in the morning, stuffing breadcrumbs up a dead bird’s butt.”…’nuff said.
And if you think that White (men mostly) affect the media and through that the perception of damn near everything because they are “the most preferred racial group” for dating, take a look at Aaron Spelling, Rupert Murdoch and Larry King. These three guys have influenced media more than almost any trio in the last 75 years anyway. I’m sure their loved ones love them but…
There have been so many good points made here. M.Elliot’s riff about culture vs. melanin for example. The prejudice a number of folks mentioned about light skin (Gentlemen, behold Can Jam, Chelle Belle, Butterfly and Salsera. Light or dark, these ladies would WOW!) versus dark skin (ironically a reverse of a long-held preferences for light over dark, in the U.S. anyway, right Hazel P.?). Large builds versus small (the media hard at work. C’mon thick or thin is a preference but doesn’t negate the beauty of the other).
I am attracted to whom, not to what, I am attracted. Not ‘coz I hate myself (I don’t date tall, athletic, blonde men) but ‘coz I like whom I like. If we don’t hit it off it doesn’t mean you are wrong or less than.
Gigi, I have to say that Texas only seceded after Sam Houston was removed from office because he was anti-slavery and pro-Union. He probably would have been elected President instead of Lincoln if his party hadn’t been so petty. Oh and you rock that hat!!
Sailor good to see you on board and laughing.
Comment by girlsixdiva on 28 April 2009:
Hey salsera, what interracial magazine were you referring to?
Comment by girlsixdiva on 28 April 2009:
NOPLAYER wtf is “Acting” or “talking” black or white?? I swear the United States is the only country with that type of ignorant thinking. I never hear about people in other countries picking on each other for talking or “acting” a race.
Comment by sweetcocoa on 28 April 2009:
I agree with this statement regarding racial stereotyping in interracial dating. I’ve been on several dating sites-interracial and noninterracial. When viewing some profiles of guys, I notice under their preferences for race they will list Asian, Hispanic, White, Native American and even green if its on there but NOT black/African. I have been contacted by many guys that don’t list “black” as a preference and I quickly point it out to them. I also get black guys contacting me on interracial sites when ummmmm it’s clear they weren’t looking for a sister.
In talking to many white guys, if they don’t KNOW you’re interested in them—they’ll just look/speak and go on. Many say they feel a black female isn’t interested in them, they have nothing cultural in common with them but sex (IGNORANT), or they even feel intimidated.
I just feel it’s what type of an attraction a man has for a female thus disavowing the many stereo types
I say if you want it, go for it! It’s time to stop all of the nonsense. Black women are some of the most beautiful, stable women in the world! Somewhere along the way, we’ve just been given a bad rap!
Comment by salsera77 on 28 April 2009:
girlsixdiva, the study came from an interracial magazine called “Interface” but it was done in 1997. I haven’t seen any other studies that are more recent.
Comment by NOPLAYER on 29 April 2009:
@ starthai you are right I know I’ll get beat down for this but I’ll put an ice pack on my head and take two asprin when it’s over. LOL
I fully understand where you’re comming from.
Depending on where a person grows up that could affect his or her method of speaking. Would it be safe to say that association can breed assimilation?
I understand that as children we want to fit in with those around us but as you mature you should grow out of changing who you are to fit in with those around you!
As a child it was beat into my head, “BE YOURSELF” and I’ve never felt the need to stray from that.
I’ve went to school with other ethnic groups, played sports with them and served over 9 years in the army with them without having to change anything about me.
When I started dating WW and started hanging around more IR couples and wht couples I didn’t feel the need to adapt to a different setting, with me, “what you see is what you get” because anything else would be fake!
Enough on that!
@ seancarter03 I wasn’t talking about speaking proper english are using correct grammar. I agree the thug mentality, the swagger or any of the other negative behaviors sometimes associated with urban blacks is not accepted in professional settings.
I feel if I have to turn ME off and turn on SOMEONE other than ME to be accepted in professional america or to make others comfortable with me, maybe I have no business working there or associating with that group of people.
@girlixdiva in every country you have people of different cultures, as BM I have a culture that links me with an ethnic group just as other people have.
I’ve been all over Europe and the Middle East and people are fiercely proud of there particular culture and they come down hard on those who act in a manner other than there own culture.
For example here in Germany, the Turks, the Greeks and Italians really dog those amongst them for acting like Germans. In England those of Asian ethnic back grounds (Indian and Pakistani) how do they treat those that act too much like the British?
I’m not saying it’s right but American is not the only country that has people who pick on others for acting like another people from a different ethnic group.
What crime is there in admitting that people are different, we can accept that there are diferrences in everything in physical creation, we agree that animals, plants, even rocks are different.
We get degrees from universities to study and to know the differences in these things but we cant accept that humans have differences, what kind of sh*t is this?
I have a love and deep appreciation for other cultures, all people have that special something about them that makes them unique even if it’s different than my own culture.
I think the beauty of IR dating and marriage is that two people can step out from their group to love and be with someone different than themselves without having to give up who they are as an individual.
There are stereotypes and generalizations about all ethnic groups, positive but most of the time negative but I’m not divorcing myself from my culture or my people for the sake of making my mate comfortable and I’d never expect her to do that for me.
In closing, I once had a Latina say to me,” James you know what I like most about you”, and I asked what is it, and she replied,” you’re SO BLACK”!
When you really appreciate and love yourself others cant help but be attracted to you, so DO YOU!
I know that wasn’t correct grammar but I’m sure ya heard me!
Peace and best wishes to all!
Comment by hazelpride on 29 April 2009:
I can’t help but enjoy this blog, Starthai you nailed it when you said that the attractive ones seem messed up in the head. In my opinion I have also found this to be true, I totally agree with Noplayer on loving ourselves and appreciating who we really are. I am from an African background and the problem I face with man WM is that they base a lot on what they read and hear and just assume, because I am African, I led a poor life, I am very materialistic, and it is the negative aspect of being African that they seem to know. We have loads of positive aspects and I always educate those who come across me. Most are suprised to learn that most African people lead pretty normal lives. Yes we should not really change who we are for other people unless of course it interfere with work. Like in my case evertime I am at work I have to speak slowly, very white for most people to understand me, yet as soon as I am in my comfort zone I can be able to speak well in my language. I think as BW we have a lot going for us and we should embrace it.
Comment by nikkiboxers on 29 April 2009:
In reference to my earlier comments & the unfriendly response thereafter.
Wow. This is not a personal fire at anyone. My children are fine. They are individuals & know exactly what they want from life. I think it is also very immature for someone to imply about anothers parenting skills. It seems that certain individuals have made this a personal issue, but point being is that everyone has a right to their opinion.
The question was is ther racial sterotype in online dating?
Absolutely!
It’s really hard out here for African American women, first being a woman & then being black.
My blog comments are not in any way geared towards any particular individual who has commented thus far. All comments are generalizations.
Let’s keep it that way!
Comment by girlsixdiva on 29 April 2009:
“NOPLAYER” your comment still doesn’t make a lick of sense and actually contradicted what you said before. First you say it’s wrong for Black people to talk and act like we are educated and have sense, and you said if we act that way we are “acting white”. I truly feel sorry for you and anyone else here if that’s what you believe. Then you go back and say that everyone should appreciate other cultures and it’s ok to be different. Make up your mind! Also that comment you made about people from other countries dogging each other for acting like they are from a different country makes no sense either, because if you are born and raised in one country then move somewhere else where the people speak differently and have different mannerisms, you’re actually being fake by trying to be something you’re not. Same goes for people here in the U.S. Your skin color does not define who you are. If you think it does, then you are judging people based on stereotypes. Go and think about that.
Comment by Seancarter03 on 29 April 2009:
NOPLAYER,
I wasn’t saying that you shouldn’t be who you are. We get one life(as far as we know) and you should love it and live it the way you want.
I just have a problem with the criticism that come with not fitting into a box other people try to make for you.
We have been conditioned to believe that just because a person might look similar to another they are pretty much the same person despite their own individual experiences.
Comment by jrlocks33 on 29 April 2009:
This is to M.Eliott
I have been following this course of correspondence for several days and really I am intrigued by what a lot of people have said…
But just to comment on your statement regarding the psychological impact of race preference and children… I happen to agree… As I stated before I was in a relationship with a WM for 11 years + and have bi-racial children… I could NEVER see myself negating a BM solely based on his color… I was raised with both parents and grew up in a family where Black equated to pride… I think because of black history but specifically my history I try and raise my children to LOVE themselves … I am most proud when my son (7yrs old) cuddles up to me and touches my hair and looks at my face and tells me I am beautiful! I think whatever PERSON any1 chooses to date should not be based on skin color but rather attraction, affection, love, friendship and whatever else rocks your boat! This is not to say that a person can’t have preferences because we all do! But really if you alienate yourself from an entire RACE based on a previous relationship then are you truly open to the concept of finding true love?
I live in Canada (Montreal) which is a very multi-cultural city… I have seen inter-racial couples that would make even the most liberal give a “side-eye” for purely the surprise of it all… My thing is if we (different cultures) can open ourselves up to ALL possibilities then all possibilities open themselves up to us!
I think it’s ironic that on this IR site where LOVE is supposed to be color blind there are people limiting themselves and even sometimes sending out a negative vibe against their own… Hey I am open to all possiblities!
This is for gigi6672
Go ahead girl! I agree totally…
Comment by Kanzan on 29 April 2009:
I dont know why more people on here arent discussing the negative feedback alot of women of color receive from dating white men, especially black and hispanic women (but black women in particular). The overwhelming majority of black women in America will not date a white man because they feel “obligated” to show support for the black man who is still suffering in America (in many aspects). Nobody likes rejection (and Im no different), so why ask someone out that belongs to a group that overwhelmingly prefers not to date white men?
Comment by salsera77 on 29 April 2009:
To: starthai
& cc: hazelpride:
Let me make something perfectly crystal clear here.
I never said I cared one iota if somebody didn’t like my skin color or that I’m concerned about being attractive because of my skin color. I loovvvvvvvvvvvvvvveee the skin I’m in and many men of ALL types have told me THEY DO TOO! I’ve had NO complaints and I’m not complaining. Conversely I’ve received envious and jealous attitudes from BW which you also couldn’t pay me to care about.
But that’s a topic for another site now isn’t it?
As a matter of course, if you go back and read my comments when the subject of light skin was first introduced by butterfly353, I said I laughed it off when someone told me to move to Canada, that the “phenomena” that was brought up was Sad, and then I invited WM to weigh in on the subtopic as a courtesy to butterfly353 and canjamgirl.
I did not want to just dismiss their claims as mere fantasy and was trying to be kind in doing so.
So with that said, I do not appreciate the comment “messed up in the head” IF I was one of the intended targets of that statement. You really don’t know who you are talking about and have jumped the gun before knowing.
Now that I’ve gone into the tiny details behind my original writing
I hope this is the last time I’ll need to replay this part because quite frankly it’s getting old
and I hope we can move on.
Comment by salsera77 on 30 April 2009:
Kanzan, Kanzan, if only you lived closer.
….and also I know many BW that want to date WM but there’s no feedback / follow through from WM.
Many are traditional and are used to men taking the lead, showing interest in some way.
Comment by Cappuccinooo on 30 April 2009:
As a woman with a mixed race child and who comes from a very mixed family, first of all we have to think about how we think. It’s not “dating outside your race” because our race is the human race and we are not dating elephants!
It’s a lot different here in London, UK, it’s more of a class thing when it’s comes to dating. We have to stop putting up barriers. If you like someone, because you like the look of them, go for it. A middle class Jewish male friend of mine, married a black working class woman and they are the happiest people I know, despite initial problems from his family. A lot of the stereotypes are to blame and we have to learn to separate TV and the “uber” race rubbish they pump out at us everywhere and just live and be happy. Peace Out!!!!
Comment by sassyvixen on 30 April 2009:
Cappuccinooo, U nailed it.
Comment by lilysky on 30 April 2009:
Superlite27 you are absolutely correct. By not giving signs we close the door to an opportunity.However I live in a country where white men have pigeonholed themselves into not so nice guys, so putting yourself out there as a woman of any other race is hard. Never the less they actually do like us, but the fear of other people’s opinion is far greater. I’m lucky to have met one who isn’t like that.
Comment by ebonegirl on 30 April 2009:
WOW! So many great comments and wonderful insight. As for me, I’m primarily attracted to white men, but have also dated a hispanic man from the site. I am still looking for my last true love. I’ve found that a lot of the WM I’ve met on the site are attracted to me primarily for my darker hue..they call it the admired “contrast”…LOL… In GA, the WM are attracted to BW, but I don’t believe it’s for a real, true and lasting relationship. It’s more of a physical desire and I’m just not wanting that (only). I know that I’m a great woman who has a lot to offer and, yes, I do prefer WM, but it’s not an experiment for me. I don’t find it difficult at all to attract a WM, but they hardly ever contact me first. So, I say to all the WM who are truly interested in a meaningful relationship with a BW, PLEASE let us know
As was already said, most BW are traditional in that we prefer a man to ‘find’ us.
Comment by ebonegirl on 30 April 2009:
BTW, Glock, good to see you again. You look great!
Comment by ebonegirl on 30 April 2009:
Glock…. Good to see you again! You look great.
Comment by ebonegirl on 30 April 2009:
OOPS… didn’t mean to double post….
Comment by NOPLAYER on 30 April 2009:
@ girlsixdiva
First, I never said, YOU said that I said it’s wrong for blk people to talk like they’re educated and have good sense and when they do they’re acting wht.
Since when did wht people have a monopoloy on being educated, intelligent and having civilized manners?
Answer this, if acting like you got good sense is acting wht, then what is acting blk?
Second, I can appreciate other cultures without trying to adopt that culture, I live in Germany, I have German friends, I speak the language and I have a German wife and two 1/2 German children but I’m still a blk man, no big deal, right! I’m just being me!
You are right, skin color should not define who you are, your culture should.
You don’t have to feel sorry for me because, it’s not that serious.
Best wishes!
@ Seancarter03
I hear what your saying !
Peace !
Comment by starthai on 30 April 2009:
To salsera77,
Trust that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, with that being said where in my latest post did I refer to you or anyone specifically? I’m not sure why you feel the need to take offense to what I stated, but that’s your error. I hope this cleared things up and agree we move on.
Comment by jrlocks33 on 30 April 2009:
WOW HOW THIS DISCUSSION HAS TURNED… & WHAT WAS THE ORIGINAL TOPIC AGAIN? DOES ANY1 EVEN REMEMBER?
Comment by chellebelle6 on 30 April 2009:
I find this blog extremely interesting! I often have opinions but someone beats me to the punch with an insightful comment…lol I agree with many comments and disagree as well. However, I’m glad we have outlet for our frustrations and misunderstandings. I must admit while others are extremely comfortable dating WM, this is my first interaction. I’m happy for those of you that find it so natural… And please don’t beat me up on this! I just didn’t know when WM were hitting on me… It was different. Not so much now, going on 3mos.
For all you veteran daters, I’m opening my mind to new possiblities of love. I moved from Michigan to Arizona and was surprised to see so many WM married to or dating BW. I started viewing WM in a new light. It was almost like I never saw them before as crazy as that sounds. I was just use to BM, their approach and demeaner. That’s why when I started reading the comments on this blog I was comforted by the fact that many women were experiencing some of the same issues. Although, I must admit some of you not intentionally made me feel bad that it didn’t happen so naturally for me. I do understand that’s my own hang up. Anyway…just wanted to jot down a few of my thoughts. Have a good evening! 
Comment by Kanzan on 30 April 2009:
Salsera Salsera ~ indeed.
JRLocks - the original subject about sterotypes in interracial dating is one I sometimes agree with, especially regarding white men. In fact, people are usually shocked to hear me speak because sooo many whites think that if a white man dates a black woman then he probably speaks “Ebonics”. Unfortunately, I actually see that’s usually the case myself here in the Midwest (Wonderbread America). Semi-conservative white men like myself are usually kept on the sidelines while the younger Eminem wannabees get all the attention from black women. Many younger black women end up learning the hard way that what a man sounds like or dances like doesnt equate with long term compatability. (sigh)
Comment by salsera77 on 30 April 2009:
starthai, I know the saying already.
You qualified your statement and I qualified mine
with “IF”. No error there.
Yes jrlocks the questions to get back on track were:
do you think White people influence the composition of interracial dating in the U.S.? Do racial stereotypes as portrayed by the media influence racial preference and choice in the internet dating scene? What other factors could be making Black women and Asian men the least preferred groups?
Comment by jrlocks33 on 30 April 2009:
KANZAN… ;-o)
I will respectfuly disagree with what you said because I think you are using a minority (in terms of numbers) and applying it to a whole… I also think that it is dependant upon what type of woman you are looking for…
As a BW who grew up in the “Ghetto”, went to an all black school for 2 years in elementary & then swithched to a school in the “upper class” neighbourhood, I have had the luxury of mixing blending, & befriending many people from all walks of life and many cultures…
I believe you don’t go looking for oranges in an apple orchard… With that being said… I like a man of any race, culture who can blend in while being himself and for me it is an extreme TURN OFF when some1 who is not black tries and act black (whatever that may mean??? Because I think when some people say that the use the word BLACK & EQUATE it to GHETTO)… I don’t think that all BLACK people speak Eubonics and it’s kinda insulting for you to think that that’s what a BW is looking for in a WM or any non-black male they choose to date…
Just as there are different classes of black people there are different classes of whites… So then are you saying a WW living in a poor “trailor park” (just stereotyping) going out with a semi-conservative BM wants him to act & speak like one of the trailor park boys????
I have several WM friends who if you spoke wth them on the phone you would’nt be able to tell what ethnicity they are & to be honest they seem to be reaping the benefits for that…
Personally, I am looking for a male that I can take ANYWHERE and he knows how to comport hisself & be comfortable doing so… But most importantly I want hime to be tru to hisself first cause only then cn he be true to me…
Comment by jrlocks33 on 30 April 2009:
sorry 4 the typos
Comment by starthai on 1 May 2009:
“Eminem wannabees get all the attention from black women. Many younger black women end up learning the hard way that what a man sounds like or dances like doesnt equate with long term compatability. (sigh)”
Kanzan this is surprising to me I find, including myself, that many bw who prefer white men don’t want the “Eminem” type.
Comment by snapdrag44 on 1 May 2009:
By the way Mr. Elliot, my 21 year old is well aware of my views and he turned out just fine. I have a 10 year old that knows I love him because I tell him everyday. My oldest prefers blackwomen. Oh, and by the way he is bi-racial. It is up to the parent to teach their children that color shouldn’t matter. I never said I do not like black men, I have found that my attraction is stronger with white. The other races are not attracted to me and that is ok. So please save the psych. evaluation, I’m good and so are my sons.
Comment by NOPLAYER on 1 May 2009:
jrlocks33 and starthai thanks for you input.
All I was saying from the beinging is to BE YOURSELF no matter who you date.
As my co-worker (he is a WM that only dates BW)said in so many words, he don’t want no cream in his coffee, he likes it BLK!
He went on to say that BW have their own flavor that’s theirs and theirs alone and thats what he loves about them, be she from Brooklyn or Alabama.
@ girlsixdiva
Now, back to this talking like you’re blk or wht.
Some of our greatest speakers (Malcolm X and Dr. MLK) for example, mastered the english language and were highly skilled in it’s use but when you heard them speak, even if your never saw their face, there was no doubt in your mind as to what ethnic group they belonged to.
They didn’t sound or talk like white men but they were very brilliant and let it be known, when they were around their peers they talked like the comman people around them.
I don’t have to speak like a Harvard profesor to be understand by those who understand english. My style or my method of speaking comes as a result of my environment and having two parents that were from the Deep South.
I can express myself best when I don’t have to step away from what I’ve already mastered and that’s the ability to say alot with as few words as possible.
Example, ask a person that speaks so-called correct english, ” where is your mother?” and they’ll reply, ” my mother is not hear”. Five words to reply to a question.
In ebonics or slang or whatever you call it, I can answer the question in only two words, “she gone”!
Quick, fast and to the point, without making whats easy complicated.
This method of speaking is an offshoot from the patterns of some African dialects that have survived over the centuries with blks in America.
When you feel you have to match vocabularies with other people to prove your intelligence, that means you’re somehow convinced in your own mind that they’re better than you and your own way of expressing your thoughts is inferior.
I only need a person to understand what I say, I’m not out to impress them by how well I say it!
As far acting like you got good sense being equated with acting wht, I never said that, because I trully believe “YO MAMA’S HOME TRAINING” should be able to keep you on good standing with everyone from poor uneducated rural folks to royalty!
Wishing you the best!
james
Comment by girlsixdiva on 1 May 2009:
NOPLAYER I don’t know why you keep saying I’m the one who brought up the “black/white” speech thing. Go back and read your earlier post where you were talking about your friend: “He said the “Hillary Banks” (Fresh Prince of Bel Air) type of BW is not his type, she’s black but she’s no SISTA and if he wanted a WW he’d date one.
I was like, OK I hear ya!
I can relate to what he’s saying because when I started dating WW, I myself was turned off by those who seemed to act like, “well in with a BM so I’ll act like I’m blk” and that didn’t cut it for me at all.”
That’s in your own words right there sweetie, that you have an intolerance for Black as well as White people of other cultures. You were basically saying that all Black people are supposed to talk in street slang or down-south twang, and all whites are supposed to act like valley girls or speak proper English. I guess you feel guilty about saying that and are now trying to turn your words around?
If you scroll up and read jrlocks33 comment she also pretty much sums up what I am saying.
Comment by NOPLAYER on 1 May 2009:
@ girlidiva
I agree with jrlocks33 comment and I understand your point of view as well but I disagree with your saying, ” You’re basically saying that all blk people are supposed to talk street sland or down-south twang (whatever that is).
All I was saying was BE YOURSELF and not what you think the one you’re dating would like you to be because that just may be the thing to turn them off!
How does that make me intolerant of blacks and white of other cultures? You lost me!
We disagree and that much we do agree on! LOL
Much Love!
Comment by Glock on 2 May 2009:
I had read an article years ago from Professor Walter Williams (in fact you may be able to find it online), where he talks about the origins of “Ebonics”. Many people believe it is a pattern of speech that comes from black Americans. His research shows that it actually comes from white Englanders, not Blacks.
Comment by jrlocks33 on 2 May 2009:
Glock, thanks for posting that… I think that certain issues get confused and people in general forget that EVERY culture & race has their own dialect…
Is a white, Chinese, Indian, Spaniard who was raised in a predominantly black place ie Africa, Carribeans, or South America (Specifcally Guyana (the only black country in South America) considered to be “Acting or talking black”? Therefore trying to be black because they know a dialect the Europeans & American whtes are unable to understand (ie patois) or are they the exceptions to the `tlking black and acting black phenomenon???
My point being some non BLACKS who speak a dialect, do so strictly due to the environment that they grew up in & not because they are attemping to perpertrate a front…. Just as some blacks like myself who was born in the carribean can speak the Queens english when I want but at the same time when I am with family members and friends I speak to them in patois just because it’s our comfort zone. Where I grew up in our community we all spoke pig-latin (ALL the people in burgundy) and we are recognized as people who lived in a certain districts because we spoke it!
My point being each culture & ethnicity has a code of language that is their own… I am South American BLACK who speaks English, pig-latin (street dialect), and patois (Jamaican & Guyanese) but find it dificult at times understanding American blacks when they begin to speak their own dialect from the neighbourhood their from… Just
as I find it extremely difficult at times to understand my European (From ENGLAND) cousins who start to speak their dialect (Has any1 watched Britain Got talent????? Damn sometimes I don`t know what the hell is being said & I speak english (just not cockney)…
Really sometimes not everything is about race… But some people find it an easier explanation than just trying to think deeper…
No ofense to anyne.. Just my thoughts ;-o)
Comment by starthai on 2 May 2009:
Interesting Glock, I think I remember reading that somewhere also.
Comment by nickie810 on 3 May 2009:
Hi Cuppucinooo, I love how you put it. ‘we are all part of the human race’. We are attacted to what we are attracted to - the end.
Comment by Balance38 on 3 May 2009:
Actually, I think both races(black and white) play a common role in stereotyping interracial dating. Like so many of you have said culture plays a high role in making a determining who we date as well as religion. I don’t think it can be summarize in one race. I perfer to date white men, because of my past experienced with black men. Now that is not saying all black men are “bad”.I don’t know all black me. It simple says the ones that I chose to date or chose to date me left us uncompatible.The white men that I have dated seem to be more compassionate,less aggressive, more recessive to listening, in a sense more open-minded and well rounded.This is not saying this is all white men. But just the ones I have dated. I am more comfortable with white men.
Comment by HoneyKissed6 on 4 May 2009:
I’ve, fortunely, have grown up and carried myself as that girl, the leader, the misfit and everything in between. From my music taste (KRS One to Hall and Oates) my reading habits, my speech (ghetto and proper) to my clothes (once unique and eclectic to vintage and trendy). How can I say that I like what I like and I’m comfortable in my own skin? That I own myself? That I’m not a slave to my peers? Yes, i was that girl that didn’t care. I like everything that makes me me. And over the years, I cared less and less about others opinions and you know what? White men, black men, indian men, they’ve always liked and found me “refreshing”. I don’t fit a mold. I don’t perpetuate a stereotype. My looks don’t either. I won’t say that different races don’t approach me or respond to me in different ways. I’ve come to expect it. But I don’t mold myself to meet their expectations of what I may be like. I come as is. And they find that ‘refreshing’. What I found increasingly difficult is the type of men that try to mold themselves to what they “think” I may like in a man. I get annoyed by that. I don’t want a white man to learn ebonics if he doesn’t already speak it. I don’t want a black man to act ghetto because he thinks that that is all i understand because I was raised in the hood. Yes, i was but I am literally and culturally raised, by my design. I picked you because I like who you are now, don’t change yourself because I wont.
I do have preferences but it isn’t racially defined. It’s culturally, sometimes religiously, defined. Over the course of my years, I’ve experimented and have decided what kind of people are best for me. For instance, I have Muslim friends but I wont date a Muslin because we don’t mesh. That’s my experience. I like white men. If I met a white Muslim, I wouldn’t date him. We have different views and that’s all there is to it.
When it comes to men I date, my prefences are the same across the board. I apply the same measuring stick to all races. Yes, I have a problem with people acting a certain way to fit in but that comes after me observing them. I have white friends that act ‘blacker’ than blacks and black friends that act ‘whiter’ than whites, indian friends that fit in between and that’s all because of where they grew up, their environmental conditioning. Doesn’t make them any less real than the next.
I’ve been fortunate to be with me that are comfortable in their own skin so they can understand that I’m comfortable in mine. They get my black side when i talk about wearing braids or wearing airforce one’s. They get when i talk about DeBussy, Sarah Vaughn or Maroon 5. They get that I’m not trying to fit in, that these are my tastes in music, that I’m not defined to a category because I look like a black woman. When does being black mean that I can’t speak proper english or have other tastes besides fried chicken and Hennessey? I can love it all.
Simply put…be comfortable in your own skin and own up to what you like. Men will respect you for it. If they have a problem, its not your concern. At the end of they day, you have to look yourself in the mirror and love you for you.
Comment by Elliot on 4 May 2009:
Balance38, I do understand your very educational statement. I, myself, prefer to date everything, but Black Women because the Black woman I have associated myself with are really ghetto. They had no sense of basic morality and beleived it was ok to date men who sold crack to pregnant women as long as they were not doing it themselves. I also find that their is a significantly higher rate of STD’s among black women who are more likely to go slumming in the ghetto than other races and catch diseases. I also found that their lack of education regarding the difference between fact and fiction was difficult to overcome as many Black Women seemied to beleive that the negative rap videos on BET were actually really true. I remember trying to explain to the last Black Woman I dated that Rick Ross is not really a drug dealer Black women seem to admire so much. I had to explain to her that he had a ligit job as a corrections officer. Needless to say she was hearbroken to know her hero did not actively participate in the self inflicted genocide of African Americans in America through crack sells. Also the fact that most of them have several children from men who are in prison did not make it easy to sped quality time together. Plus the fact that I actually had a job and the black women I dated did not because they received support from the government for her 10 children made her kind of clingy. Like you I find women of the non-Black race to be more compassionate,less aggressive, more recessive to listening, in a sense more open-minded and well rounded. But that is just the non-Black women I have dated. Like you I am just more comfortable with non-Black women because they never ask me for money to get their nails and herr opps…I mean hair done. Plus, with non-Black women I never have to worry about the day one of their babies daddies get out of prison and shoots my place up because I am dating his woman. Lastly, Unlike Black Women I find that non-Black women do not feel the need to brag about the fact that they pay their rent, light, electric bill, car payment, on time. I am not exaclty sure why non-black women dont brag about paying their bill obligations. Perhaps, non-black women just think paying their bills on-time is something they should do because hey are an adult. But again like you said, it is not all Black Women ust the ones I have associated myself with.
Comment by HoneyKissed6 on 4 May 2009:
In addition, I’ve grew up in a city ( a large one) we’re the only people to be affected by interracial dating were older people, grandparents mostly. As children and young adults we didn’t care, we didn’t see race as differences. As far as languages, there was so much interaction that a brother could speak french and spanish or portugese, and vice versa. We assimiliated well. As I write this, this is the first time I’m noticing that my hometown is different than others. Nothing was taboo about interracial dating. The term is unheard of. Yeah, we knew that we had different skin tones but that’s beautiful, right?. My husband was Puerto Rican. I didn’t declare him or acknowledge him as my ‘Puerto Rican’ boyfriend or husband. He was simply my boyfriend or husband. No labels. When i dated a man from Trinidad, he was of mixed race and my looks were exotic to him and his family but I wasn’t his black, mixed, or mulato girlfriend. I was simply his love, his woman. No one asked what race anyone was. My first fiance was Black. I wasn’t introduced as a mixed breed Jew. I was just his college sweetheart. And if anyone thought differently, I never knew. We were simply people.
So now that I live away from home, the racial lines are more defined, more visible. Its hard to take at times when I have no racial blinders on and others do. I never grew up thinking it was ‘exotic’ to be with someone of a different race. People were people. We’re different but so very beautiful. And this is what prompts me to sign up for a site such as this. I have to accept that I’m not at home anymore, racial differences are more visible. That black man is confident that he’ll grab my attention, that white man is interested but not sure how to approach me, that indian man is wondering if he stands a chance because he’s unsure of where he fits in. It was only in this past year that I’ve experienced such definition between what a person likes and what a person will act on. Gone are the days when it was just simple to ask a cute guy out just because he happens to be cute.
Comment by Elliot on 4 May 2009:
Balance 38,
Wait! I just had a brainstorm. If I am my choices and my choices are the real me. Then although I might say I wanted to date a certain type of Black women who is more compassionate,less aggressive, more recessive to listening, in a sense more open-minded and well rounded. I was only really attracted to and choosing to date Black Women who were aggressive, less recessive to listening, less open-minded beause sub-consciouly that is what I am really attracted to intimated by my choice to always date that profile of Black Women. Therefore, my problem when it comes to bad relationships with Black Women is that I am saying what type of Black Woman I would like to date, but when it comes down to the bare baones of it I am picking Black Women who in no way resemble my dating profile. Again my choices are the real me.
Comment by HoneyKissed6 on 4 May 2009:
Elliot - I feel what you are saying about Black woman and I wont deny that, while at the same time it is a stereotype, it has been a occurrence that is persisted. I’ve never allowed myself close friendship with woman like that because “ignorance is contagious” and “we are the company we keep” and all that jazz. However, i do have positive black woman friends that all grew up in various environments that are not that way. Education and positive reinforcement keeps us in check. And the same stereotype that you attribute to Black woman can be found in other woman of different races. It is a learned behavior when woman do that. And maybe you only hear Black woman bragging about their independance and paying bills on time because you don’t acknowledge that they can and do.
And before you get to thinking it, I’m not any rapper’s groupie. I have my own to manage.
Comment by Elliot on 4 May 2009:
Honeykissed,
Perhaps you might want to go back and take the time to re-rad what I posted. I was poking fun at the asanine statement made by Balance 38 regarding Black men.It was a parody about her simple-minded views of Black men turned around to simple minded views of Black Women. I sought to attack the core of her belief about Black men and call into question her not taking responsibility for the negative men she willingy choose to date and then downing black men for her poor taste in men. I do not really beleive the things I posted read it again and you will see the humor like “you know the part about the 10 kids by different daddies and how that makes it hard to spend quality time together” or “the boyfriend getting out of jail and shooting my place up”. I went to an HBCU full of strong positive African American Women so please indulge the humor of it and do not take offense it is simply a pardoy to respond to the rather foolish comment posted by beautiful 38.
Comment by Balance38 on 4 May 2009:
Elliot,
Not necessay true, somtimes we as human beings want to change someone, we see potential in this person better yet we see what we want to see.As women, we tend to have this bad. Somtimes instead of seeing things the way they are ,we tend to see things the way we want them to be and this cycle is never broken and is carried on from generation to generation. I will be a very closed minded person to say all black men are bad and vice versal for you or any other race. Until we learn as human beings to accept our flaws we will never love ourselves or anyone else. As far as the sista with the ten children and the lack of knowledge is it really all her fault or does society play a role in her ignorance. This is not a time to ridcule anyone short comings. It cost you nothing to educate the sista about Rick Ross, you did not loose one thing.I have never allowed any individual to define me,I define myself. It is not so much important how the world see you but how you see yourself. With white men, I am not in competition with my mate.There is no challenges who is right or who is wrong, just conversation, the gaining of knowledge.I can be myself.If white women make you feel that way than that is great. We all have to live accordingly to what makes us happy. Again I am comfortable with white men. Best of luck Elliot
Comment by Balance38 on 4 May 2009:
Elliot,
Sarcasm is the lowest level of thinking. We all are adults on this blog, as you have shared your opnion I have a right to mines. I have no problems with you dating any race you choose, because you are grown, please don’t under estimate my intelligence, as I will not do yours. I never really went into detais about my dislikes about black men character, I just said what I liked about white men. I stand by my word,we all like what we like and should be respected.
Comment by Elliot on 4 May 2009:
Once again the statement was a parody to Beautiful 38 comment, “The white men that I have dated seem to be more compassionate,less aggressive, more recessive to listening, in a sense more open-minded and well rounded. The word more means to compare something against another. Here, you were making an attempt to express that you found the European American Men to be more of compassionate, less aggressive, more openminded, and well rounded as compared to African American men. I simply took your words reversed them and applied them to African American Women in comparrison with non-African Women to convey the illogial assumption you have made and the huge leap in logic you made regarding your comparison. I choose to do it in the form of a comical parody so that it would not come off as attacking your view, but showing you that Black men could make the same faulty assumptions about African American women they might have dated and blame make the same faulty illogical assumption about their finding of women of other races in comparrison with non-African American Women. Hence the comments regarding the goverment checks causin them to be to be to clingy and the Rick Ross comments.
Comment by Balance38 on 4 May 2009:
Are you every black man? Do you have the voice for every black man? I think not. I am not every black woman, and don’t proclaim to think for every black woman. I do understand your so call reverse psychology attempt to show me an different aspect, but let me enlighten you i already understand that perspective of how a black man may think. If you reread my statements I said not all feel that way, not all black men are that way. When I look at a black man, I don’t tend to size him up until he opens his mouth and begin to speak, as you have. What hesays in the first 10 minutes let’s me know wether i want to engage in conversation or avoid him. To be honest that is with any man I conversate with for that matter.Date who you choose because I surely will, I continue to stand by my word. I wish all the brothers the best in their such for whomever they want.
Comment by Elliot on 4 May 2009:
My comment was not directed towards who you date and please do not try to use that as a crutch to back track from your rather unfounded comments regarding what Black men are not and what White men are. To express that one particular race is more as I quote “more compassionate,less aggressive, more recessive to listening, in a sense more open-minded and well rounded” implies that you beleive in your mind Black Men are not. That belief you have is totally unfounded. Skin tone does not denote a persons mental psyche or propensity to act a certain way. So when I heard a comment like yours I had to joke about it because to respond to it in a serious manner might build you leverage for your argument that Black men seem to be ore (hostile) opps I mean aggressive. And I definetly cannot take your advice to respond back in a serious manner because as you suggested that mean I listened (and we all know those people dont listen). I really want to comply with your request but as you pointed out I find it hard to be (more civilized) opps I mean open minded opps or well rounded. This set of circumstance poses quite a conundrum. Perhaps I am stuck between a rock and a hard place with no where to go. Hmmm… I know I will have cmpassion for your wacked view of African Amercan men which goes against my shirt ripping off chest beating aggressive nature.
Comment by HoneyKissed6 on 4 May 2009:
Elliot- I did re-read and can appreciate the sarcasm/humor of it. Even as a woman, I can understand the stereotypes. Thankfully, you weren’t serious, but it can inspire others to take a closer look at themselves to let ignorance and bitterness rest in peace.
Comment by HoneyKissed6 on 4 May 2009:
Elliot - I did re-read and its an excellent parody! Thankfully, you don’t actually feel that way though it can be true of some.
Comment by jrlocks33 on 4 May 2009:
LMAO… I know it’s not funny but it sure damn well is… Elliot… WELL DONE…
Honeykissed6… Well SAID!
This has surely turned into a wonderflog blog because in it you truly get to see the stereostyp of black people misunerstood and who misunderstands…
I read statements over and over throughout this blog where people time & time againjustify the RACE of men they date & I keep asking myself why?
If you truly don’t see their color then why do you see the need to justify your choices… Why just not embrace the PERSON and move on? I have mentioned before the fact that it is distressing to me to hear BW denounce their own just as it is to hear the same of BM…. Whatever race you choose to date should be made on what it is that that PERSON offers you (SPIRITUALL, EMOTIONALLY, MENTALLY, HYSICALL and YES…. FINANCIALLY (let’s all be real about things)) MY OPINION!!! ;-o)
The sad thing (and I am only PERSONALLY speaking) is that ELLIOTS parody is true and unfortunately so is his subsequent arguements but once again Honeykissed6 put her fingertips to the keyboard and voiced MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY (& I applaud you for that).
We as black people get upset when a non-black person voices the same stereotypes about us that we do ourselves. we get vocal and offended yet time and time again throughout this blog these same stereotypes have been mentioned by black people and there is no real uproar…
Not all black people are as “ig’nant” as the ghetto
phenomenon but yes, there are some… I just really wish that as a black woman I coud be judged by words before my fate is solidified by where I came from… I love my black men because I came from one, grew up with them, was proteted by them, cherished by them, rejected by them, admired by them and without them their would be no me.
But like Honeykissed6 said you have to love yourself more… & if that means moving beyond a black man to find someone else that can fulfill all your needs then so be it. But for me that doesn’t mean that I would never date a BM again it only means that the next one I date won’t be like the last 1 I dated… I can’t hold a whole race blame for the sins of one because if I did that then I would never date a WM again.
I’m just saying if one is truly looking for love then you are not looking for a color…
Comment by NOPLAYER on 5 May 2009:
@jrlocks33
Elliot cracked me up with his parady because I knew he was onto something.
I knew I wasn’t the only one that noticed alot of BW feel they have to justify their dating choices.
It also hurts me when we tear eachother down and it sometimes leads me to wonder, do we (BW & BM) trully dislike eachother??
Lord knows we’re not going to always date eachother and thats fine but we have to degarade eachother. I’d hope some of us wouldn’t be crazy enough to think that by talking down on eachother you somehow gain points with the one you date, not true.
This type of behavior is also a turn off to many because people have enough sense to know, “to dislkie your root is to dislike yourself” and who wants to be bothered with someone filled with self-hatred.
When it comes to stereotypes about us we as blacks I know there’s a bit of truth to them.
Now me personally as a BM I see us as family and so I don’t take it too personal when one member of the family airs the dirty laundry of another but I don’t care to see or hear someone else doing it but hey it’s a free country or blog!
Peace!
Comment by NOPLAYER on 5 May 2009:
Do racial stereotypes as portrayed by the media influence racial preference and choice in the internet dating scene?
I think they do to a certain degree, particularly in relation to BW, I cant speak on Asian because I don’t really know them but BW, you bet!
The media has partrayed the BW as too strong, too assertive, bitter, and a long list of others. You find these types amongst all women but for some reason or another the BW seem to get this bad rap more than other women.
If you look at and study the circumstances that has shaped many BW it’s easy the understand why some of them my display these characteristics.
Often times she’s carried the world on her shouldlers and as had to bear more than her fair share. At times BW have lacked the support of their own men and many times they’ve had to carry his weight as well as her own.
BW have had to not only fight asgainst the racism from others but they’ve often had to fight against the disrespect from the very men they’ve loved and nurtured all these years and that along could breed resentment.
To have peolple partray you other than what you are has made many BW women LOUD and assertive in an attemp to define who and what they are and not allow others put them in a certain bag.
I can understand the, ” Come right or don’t come at all”, attitude so many of our women have, Lord knows it’s warranted.
I say this to make it known to men of other ethnic groups and BM as well that might be intimidated or hesitant to date BW, that she’s (BW) just like other women, but yet she’s different, time and circumstances had molded her into who she is.
If you want to trully know her you have to undertsand her history and how she’s been shaped but despite all that, I find BW to be very loving, devoted (sometimes too devoted), passionate, and nurturing.
If you’re looking for someone to keep quite when she’s got something to say, forget it! If you want someone to put up with your sh*t, it wont happen. If you’re looking for someone play the back ground, get real!
With most SISTERS what you see is what you get and if you find that it’s too much for you, maybe you should look elsewhere because if you wont take the chance to get to know her but rely on what others tell you or what you see on TV, then that’s your fault and not hers.
I’ll say this and I’m done, if you let stereotypes and all that other foolishness keep you for going after what you want, you only short change yourself!
Comment by ivorycelt on 5 May 2009:
Wow No Player.
Bang on - Stereotypes DO exist - and 99% of time for good reason. The ’stereotypical’ image communicates what Carl Jung would call an ‘architype’ - Something which we all instinctivly understand, even if no such single person/ thing actually exists.
Anyway - apart from that, NO player has brilliantly communicated what i understand as the reason.
I think everyone here has to stop seeing ’stereotyping’ as bad - it just ‘IS’ ok.
There are always two sides to a coin. For me, the stereotype - or rather the reasons behind the stereotype, are exactly the reason why i am attracted.
Sure some may be, but for me i am not so nieve as to think all BW fit the positive - But when no player says ….”I can understand the, ” Come right or don’t come at all”, attitude so many of our women have, Lord knows it’s warranted.”…….
God that so hits a chord.
So BW please, dont think you are wrong because you are in the minority, hell no, you just want a real man, dont appologise.
Your strength comes for exactly that reason and as far as the generalisation goes, i for one am hugely proud of you all - respect!
Sure there may not be any real men out there for you, black or white - but heh, you only want one dont you?.
AND if you were as mass desirable as Britney Spears …w ell you just wouldnt be who you are.
Dont think i could say anything more that could add to no player above - spot on!
Dave
Comment by Balance38 on 5 May 2009:
Elliot,
When all is said and done we as individual will always have an opnion. You have a right to think the way you choose, that’s why we are in America. It is not so much of what one thinks of you,but what is important is what one thinks of himself.I don’t have to prove anything to you or anyone else and vice versal. I just have to be content in whom I am. I stand by my word and opnion.As you do yours.Best regards to all.
Comment by ivorycelt on 5 May 2009:
Balance - i am cracking up here.
With what you say, and with a name like that - Balance38, i had to go see if you did fit the ’stereotype’ or ‘Architypical’ astrology sun sign - and yes - Libra!!!
Amazing.
Scales/ Balance/ Wanting to keep all sides happy by presenting a considered but balanced view.
Talking about stereotyping in general.
Stereotyping DOES exist, at least in the world at large, there is no point trying to change that which you cannot change.
The only thing one can change is how you re-spond or re-act to it.
Some people fall into the mold, others take the challenge to prove the ‘popular’ view as wrong or missguided and go to great lengths to prove so - either way, we are all affected by it in one way or another and to varing degrees.
Life as a human ehh.
Comment by Venus on 5 May 2009:
I don’t agree that black women are least preferred. I think that black woman are most preferred but there is alot of taboo associated with it due the negative things that happened in this county before most of us were born. I get some pretty stupid comments from people. I won’t even quote them. But I also think that I get more comments because its okay for black men to want *fill in the blank* but not okay for black women to find someone to whom they can relate. I don’t just like *fill in the blank* men…I like all men …and if they are interesting it doesn’t matter how they look. I have friends who happen to be white who are in love with dark skin and large lips. I also have friends who happen to be black who like a slender more lilth like type. Me? I like “smart”…period. lol
Comment by hazelpride on 5 May 2009:
Elliot and No player, I totally agree with the part in your blogs when you drive the point home about loving, ourselves. That is the first step of love, unless we love ourselves we can not truly love another. I love being an African black woman I have no regrets being who I am and being in a multi-cultural country as the United Kingdom kind of enhanced this love. True, NO Player I agree 100% with you on the fact that BM have not given the BW enough support to build up their confidence, and so in the end they come across as too strong and assertive because they have so much to bear. The problem is that it appears the burden BW carry is not going to go away until BM realise that they need to change a few things and take their responsibilites as God intended. As ivorycelt said stereotypes, or reasons for stereotyping rather exist for reasons, and through these blog we are being enlighted and getting to appreciate why we are potrayed as we are, and hopeful so are the other people too.
Comment by VersatileLaD on 5 May 2009:
I think the problem is that people allow preconceived notions to set boundaries about the race they want to date. Doing this definitely limits the candidates, and only hinders you. I think people should be more open minded. Judge a person for their individual characteristics, not solely the color of their skin.
IMO Love should be color-blind. I have my preferences, but they are in no way requirements. I am open to dating any race, as long as they portray the characteristics I want in my ideal mate, and I am compatible with them, then I know that I will be happy!!
And another thing is allowing how people will react to your choice….life is too short to be worried what people are going to assume or how they are going to react to you and your love. Live life for yourself, and you will be happy. Live life to please others, and you will find that others are never satisfied.
Comment by Bibi on 5 May 2009:
I totally agree with this article. I have long ago noticed that WM preference are usually, Latino, Asians or Native Americans. I have used many dating sites and the observation on all have been the same.
Comment by Balance38 on 5 May 2009:
Interesting perception Bibi!I must pay closer attention.
Comment by wmemark09 on 6 May 2009:
I find that the Study holds true to some of the predjudices and it does influence online dating. I also believe a lot of the influence is because this is a popular and familiar stereotype and as you know people tend to gravitate to the stereotypes because they are there and its easier to believe rather than seek out the truth for themselves. Most people frankly do not know what it is they themselves are attracted to or prefer they simply go with the flow as to not upset someone in particular. To me race is not a factor I look for the inner beauty and intelligence of the man. Yes black woman are in my view more sensual and alluring and we definitley can make a man feel intimidated simply because our role in society and history has been to be strong because of our status within our own families. Yes we are nurturing and can make anyone feel good becasue once again our role was to nurture and take care of the everyone within the family. Please do not take this out of context and this is by no means meant for all I am basing this on what history has already played out before us. I lived overseas for nearly 6 years and I have never received so many compliments and offers from a variety of men from various nationalities on a regular. For all of the beautiful black sistahs out there trust me when I say if they could all be like us they would we see it everyday and in everyway and in all walks of life…so now who do you think is the preferred woman of choice?????
Comment by Jimmydea01 on 6 May 2009:
Ive really enjoyed reading everyones views, IMHO feel everyone is right in thier own experience, which will be different then others depending on where you grew up.
All races will be a little different then thier same race because of where they grew up, different music-food-clothing syles etc, in the Millitary you have folks from all over the country and world, and every person is unique and differ in thier own personalitys and likes. BUt you will always have people think they will no more about the people you grew up with more than you, but that is why we all have opinions. I just enjoy learning everyday.
Everywomen that has posted hear is dropped dead Gourgous and beautiful and look very confidant and happy with themselves, i cant imagine any one regardless of race not trying to date them. I hope everyone finds that one person thier looking for.
Comment by Glock on 6 May 2009:
Actually Balance 38 didn’t “assume” anything about black men, she commented on HER experiences. Is she not allowed to discuss her personal experiences?
I knew exactly what Elliot was doing with his parody, but when Elliot made the insinuation of Balance 38 making “assumptions” that simply was not the truth. Making assumptions is making opinions about something without having all the facts (we ALL do that by the way), Balance 38 commented on things she had first hand knowledge of.
I wonder if she would have received the same criticizm from the same people if she said the same comments about whites.
Comment by aStandupguy on 6 May 2009:
I agree with the statements made about us all being one race. The human race. Are we not perpetuating the stereotypes by making comments on race? Scientist mapped out the human genode. Not the white European genode or the black African genode. Eye color, hair color and skin color it’s just a physical feature and shouldn’t define who we are. I look inward and define who I am. I won’t let society tell me.
Comment by Balance38 on 6 May 2009:
Thank you Glock, there is always two sizes to every story and if you really critical think about this situation it always come down to being able to analyze both prespectives, to step outside of the box (your world, and enviroment, comfort zone, culture) people in general will always “size you up” this is human nature. They will always tell you what you are and what you suppose to do, think and feel and most all what you suppose to be.I have never allow anyone to define me and who I am. I can do that better myself. But I do enjoy evaluating others “opnion” I usually filter through the knowledge presented and take what I can use to better me.
Comment by classynsheek on 6 May 2009:
Wow! This article was a NEWSFLASH! THIS JUST IN MOMENT FOR ME!…if ya know what I mean, haha, lol…I can’t tell that black women are the “least preferred” in the dating world, seeing as though white guys and men of other races hit on me and my girlfriends ALL the time. Not to mention, the tons of flirts and messages they send daily…WHO KNEW?…I think that what makes us as black women UNIQUE is how STRONG we are as a people, and our RESILANCE, and ability to DEFY the odds in life, when they are stacked against us as they have been throughout history…so rather than be offended by someones opinion in some baseless survey, I say to the black women out there, let us as a whole embrace the characteristics that make us UNIQUE! YES! We are STRONG, and STRONG WILLED! And I don’t think we should have to apologize for it. I AM PROUD TO BE A BLACK WOMEN!
Comment by Azzia on 7 May 2009:
WOW! Coming from the UK I am fascinated with all this talk and high imput of discussion concerning interracial dating. Reading the article, I can see how the preferences and stereotypes were devised, however, I wonder if the sample of Yahoo online dating personals are a TRUE representation of the American dating scene. Perhaps it is, I am not qualified to actually comment on its accuracy as I am not there.
The point I am trying to make is this: Does it really matter? Does reasearch and articles as the one above move us closer together as a global community? Does the time we invest in such debates serve us towards building a better world. Does it take us to higher levels of self?
I, myself am a lover of diversity. I couldn’t care less what colour, nationality or tradition you hail from as long as we are compatible. For sure I have preferences, but they are along the lines of moral stature, vision, compassion, inclusiveness and dare I say it… looks. Here in the UK, London especially, it seems we are less concerend about the colour of one’s skin. Don’t get me wrong, for sure there are those who place a high importance on same colour (and pleased do not change me) dating. But on this site, I believe that the very fact that we’ve chosen to join it means that we have already broken out of that stereotype; and the next step is? I feel that the power of change, in terms of stereotypes, can be challenged in a far more progressive and forward thinking way. Just a thought. Have a gorgeous day!
Comment by Jimmydea01 on 7 May 2009:
Standupguy, great point, God created adam and eve, and were all descendants and Gods children, if i or any one else said race, for me, it means everyone is unique, im different from my own brothers and sisters. In certain ways and the same in others, but good statement.
Comment by xeltron on 7 May 2009:
i don’t see why any of this matters. we like what we like. i don’t care what anyone else prefers. stereotypes will always be there….only the ignorant will accept them. the media can state whatever they wish……they can’t influence my preference.
Comment by aStandupguy on 7 May 2009:
Jimmydea01 - Thanks man! I just wish as a society we could look past stereotypes put on people based on the color of our skins, or any other feature for that matter. It is very frustrating.
Azzia - I agree wholeheartedly about as a group we’ve broken through the stereotypes to one degree or another. I’d love to work towards a better world for all. I have no idea what the next step should be either. I do question the study quoted in the article. Maybe there are more white people looking for mates than there are black people. Hence the higher demand. In that case the study should ask how is it that black ladies know how to keep a marriage together better than white ladies. You can skew a study anyway you like. I question it’s motives to say ‘black women are least desirable’ or that ‘Asian men are hyper feminine.’ I don’t think those kinds of statements help anyone. I find myself being a bit agitated about such studies.
Comment by Azzia on 8 May 2009:
aStandupguy - You are right to question it. I believe those motives are conditioned responses; and the media loves doing the same old thing to get the same old result. I say let’s do something different to get a different result. The answer to the question of what,lies within our imaginations! Have a great weekend y’all. xx
Comment by ivorycelt on 8 May 2009:
Suggest anyone outside of USA go look at Utube and type in ‘black women dating’
I was prompted by Salsera (above)
As some one from the UK it was quite a shock.
For me Black is a preference, (and not an ‘issue’) just like a prefer red wine to white. (But heh, ill drink anything if it tastes good)
Anyway, untill i watched a few Utube clips, i had no idea that the race/ interracial thing was (still) such an issue - in the usa.
Of ALL the possible things that could come up from typing in ‘black women dating’ - Pretty much the ONLY things listed, were ‘issues’ as refered to here.
I dont think that anyone from UK - or probably anywhere else!, can really appreciate this blog, without first having a looksee.
Remember, if we dont see american tv/media how would we know the context of this blog.
USA is unique - seems backward in many ways. Generalisation i know and i guess wouldnt include NYC Seattle? but what do i know.
All the more amazing that Obama got in!
Think USA is already very close to 50% non white - certainly below age 60.
Am sure the social world village will be very differnt in a few decades time
Comment by flady on 9 May 2009:
thankyou classyansheek.i second you there..a black woman is a very strong woman and am so proud of being one too.I think we are not the least preffered the difference is we dont wanna admit it.from my girlfriends and some of my white friends i know they all dream of there future love to be black woman and white man.its time we remove that fake skin and face the truth.if you like something go for it 100%why waste time prettending.as for me ever since i was little i would dream someday having my man a white.its my hearts desire and i know that is what i need.but he has to be of the character i need.this doesnot mean that the other races are not men enough..they really are too but.my heart is for one loving white man who will make me very happy and i think he is somewhere here in this site waiting for me.well thats the truth am not afraid i love you white men..just one who is willing to be very happy..here i am opening the gate for you.
Comment by Topaz 7 on 9 May 2009:
It is really nice to find a forum where you can talk about these things we all are thinking about. I’ve learned so much from reading these which is so helpful.
I emailed a white man on another site that I liked to show my interest in him, and I will tell you I was offended by his response. First he said, “Wow, you’re hot”, but then he said that he had not been good in the past with interracial dating said he had one experience that didn’t go well. So felt like he was judging me based on that one experiene and told him so etc along with a bye bye bye.
Anyhow, to my surprise the guy wrote me back and told me that he liked this Black girl in his town but was afraid to approach her because he was concerned about what her parents might think? He knew her mom, her sister etc, but he was literally scared. So I say all of this to agree with one comment, I don’t think its that white men are not interested, I think like someone said earlier, they are intimidated by us, which I don’t think I will ever understand. And as Elliot put it, many just find it easier not to deal with the “complexity of difference” than to cross over especially the white men whose incomes are closer to 6 figures and beyond…I find this especially to be true.
Comment by salsera77 on 9 May 2009:
In Philly BM/WW couples have become more plentiful now but as I alluded to above, you don’t see the reverse happening…that is BW/WM or BW/AM etc. couples. I saw more of this today while I was out and about. Only once in a rare blue moon will I see the opposite. If I’m out with someone, it doesn’t bother me a bit being that rare blue moon to someone else looking. Lol.
I stumbled across the following on YouTube today and had to put it on my faves list. I thought it’d be appropriate here. Hope you all enjoy.
Don’t forget to turn on your sound:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Knu1lNY1HOE&feature=channel_page
Comment by HoneyKissed6 on 10 May 2009:
Salsera - incredible video on YouTube!! Thank you for mentioning it. Jost…WOW! Interracial love is so beautiful!
Comment by M.Elliot on 10 May 2009:
Ladies, as you so stated in previous blogs there is nothing wrong with Black womem limiting themselves to only dating certain races and while excluding other races from their dating possibilities. As you stated, “It is simply based on preference and people should understand that skin color preference. That being said, you must stay consistent in your views and not deviate even if your views do not advantage your quest to date only men of European descent. Therefore,if the yahoo dating website survey is in-fact accurate inreporting ” that White men prefer Asian and Hispanic women to African American women as dating partners.” And that African American women are the least preferred dating partner by white men on the Yahoo personals dating site. If this statistic is true then the group of ladies asserting the preference ideology need to be consistent and accept your truth. If the yahoo statistics are true then just accept that themen on the site have a preference just like you except their preference is not to date you interacially but date Asian and Latino women. Therefore, all the reasoning regarding skin tone, fear of approaching you, approach you, media influence are pointless. If you expect everyone to respect your racial dating preference and not try to disect it, perhaps you should accept their preference not to date Black women interacially at all or pick African American women as their last choice to interacially date. You cannot assert your preference ideology when it is conveyant and expect people to accept it, but deviate away from your preference ideology when it has a negative direct effect or negative impact on your goals of dating a white man. Accept and respect the preference of individuals who do not wish to date you, or would choose you as their last race option to interacially date just as you have asked men of certain races you do not wish to date, or would be your last race option to date to accept your racial preferences.
Comment by Kanzan on 10 May 2009:
Topaz 7:
I think people pretty much ignored what I said earlier without giving it a second thought. The majority of black women will not date a white man because black women will more often be ostracized for dating “the enemy” than a black man will for dating a white woman. Im 40 years old and have dated predominantly black and hispanic women since I was 17. Now, for the last 23 years I have seen the same hypocrisy again and again. That is, when a BW confronts a BM about his dating a WM, the black men will routinely say something that equates to: ” Yeah - so what - its different when a black man dates a white woman. White men only date black women because of a fetish” (ad nauseum infinitum). I think this may be slowly changing but as long as the majority of black men continue to suffer in America in terms of educational and financial equality, I think this attitude will persevere. The white man is still perceived as the root of all problems black men are facing in 2009 and a black woman dare not stand along beside him.
Comment by southernmoca on 11 May 2009:
I had to read the remarks of Elliott to make sure that what I read was in fact what I saw on this blog. Yahoo? taking anything as solid and truthful from Yahoo is like considering the ” National Inquirer” as the ultimate source of educated stimulation in news reporting; right next to the Alien that father some woman’s baby in the mid-west.
Not all African American women have that particular frame of mind as to convey hostility toward “men” who prefer not to date Black women. To those who prefer to date Asian or white or Hispanic only, I say, “By All Means…go for it”. I am more than positive that I am not the only woman of color who feels this way. My suggestion at this point is that if a point is to be made, please make sure that there is room for the exceptions and consider a more reliable and highly valued source than Yahoo. (That cracks me up)
Comment by salsera77 on 12 May 2009:
You’re welcome, HoneyKissed6.
Without giving it away, there’s a couple of nice scenes in the new Star Trek movie that just came out.
And
On Amazon.com I also stumbled across a BW/WM interracial movie list. It’s now in my Netflix queue.
Comment by sistajes on 13 May 2009:
I do agree that on sites such as Yahoo! or Match that White male members prefer Hispanic or Asian women over Sistas and experience has taught me the aforementioned is, to some extent, correct. So I certainly don’t recommend those sites and similar ones for Sistas into interracial dating.
The racial sterotypes portrayed via the media does have an affect on interracial dating because people will read hear about some perceived negative characteristic, i.e. about Sistas, then form an opinion about a woman without ever making the slightest attempt to interact on a personal level to see what a woman is really about.
Comment by Saavii on 13 May 2009:
I know this is a bit late but I need to clarify something to jrlocks33: Guyana is NOT the only Black country in South America. It is over 50% East Indian. There are other nearby countries with significant populations of African descent - i.e. Suriname, French Guyana and Brazil (that has the 2nd largest Black population in the world.)
Comment by Jimmydea01 on 13 May 2009:
Kanzan, dating is dating, 1 night stand, to seeing each other, but when choosing your soulmate, there is no one holding your relationship down, your soulmate or wife or husband will always come first, regardless of family beliefs, bad things happened in the past, good things that happened, only the strength of u 2, IMO, were gods people, and all came from the same place from adam and eve, many try to twist it thier way of thinking, and many people have said this on this blog. Also many may not stand strong and go with others beliefs, but, when choosing a soulmate, throw all that other stuff out, it doesnt matter which person, everyone will be a little different, but should work hard on thier relationship always, good things will always follow.
Comment by jrlocks33 on 13 May 2009:
hey saavii
when i stated Guyana I was also including Surinam (formerly Dutch), and French Guyana (faux pas, I know)… i will correct my statement here officially British Guyana is the only ENGLISH SPEAKING COUNTRY in South America considered part of the west Indies because of our similar tongue, music and culture not to mention the fact that it is 32% black… The highest population of people being the East Indians, Blacks, Portugese, Chinese, and then Whites…
I never stated that other parts of south america have no blacks (as Brazil has more than guyana(s) put tgether)… i also did not get deep into the ethnology beause GUYANA was not the topic i was addressing… maybe what i should have stated was guyana with 32% black population is the only ENGLISH SPEAKING COUNTRY considered part of the carribeans because of…. The next time there is a topic speaking of interracial dating I will be sure to remember that… But as I was addressing previous comments based on the topic at hand… well you know…
and therefore i apologize for the error…
Comment by gjones66216 on 14 May 2009:
Funny but the hypothesis wasn’t really addressed in the article. If it was, I missed it. How does the dating site encourage racial prejudice? It may be ONE good source to be able to actually get objective data on preferences (and thereby prejudices) but I don’t see it particularly encouraging one way or another when they simply show the daters’ preference.
Comment by gjones66216 on 14 May 2009:
I don’t think that it’s the strong Black woman that is turning off people. We have too many examples of strong, eloquent Black women that are doing just fine in terms of public perception. Why do I bring up public perception? Because our partners do reflect on us. It goes beyond dating and marriage. (Umm, dating is supposed to be about finding a partner, I think. That’s the way I view it anyway. If I wouldn’t marry her, we won’t be dating. We might still be friends, but not dating.)
The Asian man carries another stereotypical behavior - one of being the dominant alpha male in the household. Why is this seen as a negative?
Comment by Toree18 on 16 May 2009:
To Kanzan
I realize what you mean by your post, because I have seen that reaction from a few BM when confronted by BW as to why he’s dating a WW, but let me say this, I personally have never dated a WM__I have had some wanting to date me, but at the time I didn’t feel comfortable with it, it had nothing to do with what BM or other people thought of the idea. Even now, if I decide to date a WM, I don’t care what a BM or anybody else thinks about it as long as I’m (ME) am comfortable with it. Ostracize me for dating a WM or any man of another race because they don’t like it or think it’s right, I think not.
I think as long as the BW feels comfortable in her decision to date outside of her race whether it be white, asian, hispanic, or pink with purple polk a dots…..it’s her choice to make.
Comment by 4realthough on 16 May 2009:
Personally, from my experience with online dating I cannot agree that white men prefer other women who are not black over a black woman. All of the men I chat with are white (and I do mean ALL) and a few are Hispanic. But maybe because I specify white men in my profile. So this tells them what I want and what I’m looking for. And I always ask them why do they prefer black women and their responses are amazing in what they tell me. For example: they say that black women are sexier and attractive as compared to other women; that we’re shapely (breasts and butts); we’re great in bed; and for the most part white men who haven’t been with a black woman before are curious about how good we are in bed.I have no disappointments when it comes to chatting with white men online. Online interracial dating is GREAT!!!
Comment by 4realthough on 17 May 2009:
P.S. something important I forgot to mention: the white men who responds to my profile are not my age or older….the majority are in their 20’s and early 30’s and are very sexy….so they are truly attracted towards black women and surprisingly to say they are highly attracted towards older black women.
And thanks Salsera 77 for the videos from YOUTUBE: Interracial Love- So Beautiful
Comment by Sciencegeek on 18 May 2009:
Hello everyone. I will first apologize if I offend anyone…Ok, short and sweet; SO! I do agree that this article caries alot of truth, but my opinion is…so. The article itself is making us stereotype by thinking that everyone or the majority of america that do online dating or searches is racist if they don’t include a certain race. I simply say its a choice. A choice we all make. We all have a preference and that’s all it is. Most online daters is truly looking for a strong connection or a serious relationship. So they tend to include criteria in their searches that best suit their needs. Isn’t that what we all do? I do. Yes, I include all races in my searches. However, that is my choice. I made that for me. Me. Something we are all entitled to. Regardless of race. I should change my screen name to PreacherC, because I have to come on here and preach knowledge. Ha.. Be well.
Comment by flavour123 on 18 May 2009:
I do find the discussions interesting,never dated a WM but find myself attracted to you guys.
Above all else, personality counts!
Comment by sexyp1 on 21 May 2009:
Wow this topic is so interesting. I tend to over think everything and I try to respect everyones opinion and see others POV. I guess you can say I’ve done my own personal study about online dating. On sites for black and white dating I’m not the number one choice for a date, I don’t seem to be light enough or small enough, but I’ve also tried BBW dating sites and was told I wasn’t big enough so go figure lol.
When I say I did my own study I did, it wasn’t here it was another site. I posted my profile and I was interested in white males but no responses. Later I changed my ethnicity to Hispanic everything else was the same even my pics, and my inbox was full. I deleted the profile but didn’t take anything personal. I say consider yourself lucky if someone doesn’t want to date you for whatever reason why would you want to date them…Time is priceless and the one thing you can’t get back because it’s limited.
Comment by raybo on 21 May 2009:
Sorry to offend anyone but I personally feel that white men are afraid to approach a black woman due to the stereotypes that the public and the media place on interracial dating. I is more acceptable for a black man to date a white woman then for a white man to date a black woman. For so long white men ridiculed the idea that now that they can openly show interest they are afraid of what other whites will think. Also, it seems that the only time that a white man will approach me is if I have shown some type of attention to them are some interest in the things that they predominately like to do such as dance at a party to what is termed by blacks as “white folks music.” When I do this because it’s just part of the music I like to listen to they feel as though they can relate to me and it makes them more comfortable and makes me more approachable. On the dance floor they are all over a sista especially if that sista is dancing on them. We need to get over our fears like mentioned above and just date who we like because of them and not care about what the public thinks of us. Black women are approachable and not so tough on the inside that you should fear us.
Oh! One last thing. We as black women are not less desired, because white men do desire us, we are mostly just feared because white seem to have an image to uphold in front of their peers that they are afraid having a black mate will draw negative attention on them from their peers when actually their peers want us to.
Comment by sexyp1 on 23 May 2009:
raybo I agree
Comment by nic281 on 23 May 2009:
Hi Everyone,I Think it’s here in America people are more close mind about dating outside their race. I have lived in Europe ( Paris France and London England) and travel through out Europe and now I have moved to America since 9 years and it’s only here that I see people still stuck in a race war and not willing to get to out of it anytime soon, white men will rather date Asian and Latin women not because their are frail but because of the skin color which is closer to white than a black person color but not only white men do this because lots of black men also do the same it is better to be seen with a lighter skin woman than with a dark skin women. I have see more mix dating in other countries than I have seen here and I think white men are afraid to be seen with black women sometimes because of their Jobs , Peers and family. I once dated a guy from Kentucky but he never talk about his family etc for a while and when he did open up to me about his State and his family and I said to him that I will love to visit the state one day and he should show me around he broke it off without a word or anything.I think it all about the way people was brought up in this country with hate and black/ white division even blacks or divided within them self, so each culture have to look at them self before you can’t hate a white person for not wanting to date a black person while black people do it to each other also. At the end of our life most of us are going to say well I did enjoy it to the fullest because I had an open mind while some will die not knowing. We can’t change each other but we can enjoy and love the people who love us back.
Comment by Robert Griffith on 24 May 2009:
What a interesting discussion. I always find such topics interesting. I thought I might share my own story with you.
I am happily married with two children. However I can very much relate to many of the posters here.
Myself, I have always found Middle Eastern women attractive. I am not sure why. There is no one trait that I can point out to explain why this is the case. It just is.
The problem? I am Catholic. Most (not all, but dam near all)middle eastern girls are going to be Muslim. So you can imagine the dilemma I faced in trying to 1)Not only date outside my race (European American)but also 2)most likely outside my religioun.
Anyway, to make a long story short, I dated a few Assyrian ladies, a few Lebanese women,and a Morrocan girl. These were all Christians. I had a good time with all of them. Conversation was good, the ladies were attractive, kind, they were just all around good human beings.
Then, I met the women who would one day become my wife. I knew I loved her when I first laid eyes on her. She was beautiful beyond belief. She was Muslim of Iranian extraction. Anyway, my mother (Italian American) flipped out when I told her that I was seeing a Iranian girl who was Muslim. My father (Russian American)threatened to disown me (And for all intents and purposes has disowned me). This conduct by my family surprised me. My brother’s wife is Mexican and my father is inseperable from my brothers kids. My Mexican sister in law is one of the family. She refers to my mother as mom and is closer to my mother than my own sister is. I dated all kinds of girls in the past. I dated a filipino girl, Puerto Rican girls, and a Mexican girl in the past and both of my parents were fine with it. They welcomed all my non-white ethnic (for lack of a better term) female friends with open arms. They raised me to be tolerant of those who were different from me. They just could not get their head around me dating a women who happened to be Muslim. Anyway, that was ten years ago. I have been married to her for 8 years and have two wonderful children. My mother talks to me and has a little bit of a relationship with my wife and children. My father has not phoned me since the wedding 8 years ago and does not achkowledge my children as his grand children because they are Muslim. Dating someone from another culture (not only race) can be very trying. You can lose many whom you thought were close to you. If I could do it all over again I would not change a thing. “I love my life, and I love my wife”.
I wish the best for everyone who is seeking that special someone.
Comment by Toree18 on 25 May 2009:
Robert, I admire you because not too many people would have the courage you do to marry not only out of you race but out of your culture and religious orientation also. If it’s working well for you and your wife that’s great, your father can not live your life for you. It’s sad that he is missing out on all the love & joy he could be a part of with his grand kids, but it’s his lost.
Keep your chin up Robert and go on with your life, and remember it is your Dad’s choice to not be a part of you and your’s life.
Comment by salsera77 on 25 May 2009:
4realthough, you’re welcome.
raybo, I agree with you too.
Although, I was a little surprised last night by the first guy that asked me to dance at a new salsa club here where I live when I first walked in.
I’m thinking, whoa, what did I do differently? Nothing, I just showed up in a dress as always. Is this town a changin’? It would be nice if it was.
In my experience, I’ve come to believe that it is geographically spotty in this country (in a city/town/state) where you’ll find those esp. white men who will boldly and confidently date across racial lines (to date a black woman) without looking for validation from others. You might see one in fifty and that’s because he was raised a certain way. With that boldness you might also get boldness in other parts of his personality too and this spills over to all parts of his life.
I’ve experienced this with a friend. You get the whole enchilada with this strong person. This is good if they are the balanced in spirit too.
Comment by Pdubious on 25 May 2009:
It’s not at all about boldness… it’s all about paying close attention to who you may be dating and the confidence you have in yourself. I grew up in a part of the country where one didn’t date black, brown or Asian women because of the persecution from their own races. The bigotry that exists in this country comes from what one was taught as a youngster and has been continued by our own self inflicted segregation. I paid attention to beauty and realized it comes from the inside first, regardless of race. I have found a preference in my company over the years, which just so happens to be a woman of flavor, and I think it is because they all tell me that a white man will treat them more of a lady than other cultures…and when us men find someone who appreciates us for what we do…we don’t care if they are green…and a beautiful, happy sistah looks really good on my arm
Comment by homesteader on 26 May 2009:
Retired , I have way too much time to spend at my computer . Truthfully , I married a women who wished to be with me from this site . She told me the other day that I needed to get a little color on my pale white legs , Hehe . We have been together over two years now and the reason we Love each other is because we are Honest Individuals / my Aunts and Uncles were always larger framed persons and until I started reading blog topic comments . There never seemed to me any difference in Nationalities in my extended family . I have 23 Aunts and Uncles and more cousins than I can count we are all married to persons of different hertitages . Suddenly , I have came to realize that people are all the same and imagine all this worry that I read of is entirely in an individuals own mind . Continually judging others for no apparent reason is what causes tension in life . Lighten up in your everyday thoughts and maybe racialism will someday seem like you have wasted your time in needless worry . My wife really didn’t think about how white I was until I wore a pair of summer shorts . Now she has me wondering if maybe I really am to much caucasian . LOL .
Comment by Lattelady on 26 May 2009:
It is obvious the aforementioned article struck a cord with some of the members on this site. I’m just wondering why the disproportion when it comes to the bloggers? I think what has been written (or blogged) was long overdue!
Thank you bloggers for your wonderful thoughts and opinions…what insight, and allowing one to gain perspective!
Comment by fkoi on 26 May 2009:
Raybo, I have no doubt that you are speaking from your experience. Mine is much different. I talk to folks who seem interesting to me. That covers a lot of ground ethnically, religiously, culturally, socio-economically and a bunch of other ally’s. I date whom I date because I feel a connection to them. No one in my peer group has ever voiced anything but admiration for my choices, Black, White, Latina, Greek or etc. (except to say, “She’s too good for you.” but then I know a lot of wise a**es).
It’s true that I have lived mostly in more cosmopolitan cities than not and even the small towns I’ve live in had a college as the main attraction. It’s also true that my peers tend not to be run of the mill idiots but rather intelligent and open-minded souls.
I might be hesitant to approach a woman I am attracted to due to latent shyness on my part but that has little to do with how she looks on the outside but more to do with how I feel (on a given occasion) on the inside.
A person who would not date someone for fear of peers’ opinions would not be someone I would date.
Salsera, I have seen you in full salsa regalia and it would surprise me to know that any man, at least any man who can salsa dance, wouldn’t ask you to dance right away so that he wouldn’t lose out to the next salsario in the joint.
Comment by homesteader on 26 May 2009:
The facts of life in our relationship have shown change in that 1st ; my younger brother who was a stanchly comitted Bigot gave us both his Blessing in our marriage and secondly ; All the people we have met in the last two years , have conversed with us like we were always friends . It might be the Happiness and laughter we exhibit in all the places we travel to . Other than very few in the beginning of our relationship - most look upon us as just friendly people . Might be that in the area we live in people are further advanced in mind and open in their belief of freedom of choice in who each marries . The weather down here seems more Pleasant than up North . And maybe those with negative beliefs just choose not to bother with altercations because of the time that would be wasted on Foolishness . Sometimes when I seem backward it may be that Life in our area has advanced beyond segregation in many ways . I have never really seen any problems in our match-up . Or maybe it is just that if others don’t like us / We do not Care what others think . These days are Our life , We do not judge others .
Comment by homesteader on 26 May 2009:
P.S. Researchers really know only what they wish to show and tell , life is not just a bunch of numbers . It is us two being joined as One . Yes , I gave many answers / look again at the many questions being asked at the top of the page - be some so subtle in nature , still evident in my eyes . me being classified as ” the dominant race ” and my Beautiful wife classified as a ” Strong Black woman ” , Ria - you have again chosen to stereotype Us in print by others research values . We are just a woman and man in Love in our own thoughts . Someone should indeed moderate your selection of Media Influences Topics .
Comment by homesteader on 27 May 2009:
Reading anothers ‘ comments I grow confused ; When people are classified as European American or African American does this denote they were born elsewhere and moved here to the United States of America ? Also I find that I am not the only one with multiple comments . And before I moved back home to stay , while I was on the streets of this Beautiful Nation of ours / I dated women of various heritages , ages 30 to 86 and tiny , small , medium and Large sizes of build . Just because of their Marvelously Magnificent personalities . I met a movie star at chat the other day also , Hehe . If you do not believe me - feel free to ask her as she also comments on Blog topics Thank you .
Comment by FearlessCrusader on 28 May 2009:
Homesteader, it’s easy to get confused with racial terminology. Examples: Honeykissed describes herself as half black, half Jewish, as though Judaism is a race rather than a religion; and Jews come in all colors! I once had the opportunity to live and work in South Africa; would that have made me an African american? A large number of the indigenous people lving in the Russian Caucasus region are black, so are they Caucasians or are they Negroes? I think this just goes to show how arbitrary and artificial it is to attempt pigeonholing human beings into racial stereotypes.
Comment by Olympian on 28 May 2009:
Society, surveys, and negative opinions are the reasons why people refrain from being happy with their prefered ethnicity for a mate. I don’t buy into those surveys. They steriotype. I’m Italian, I guess I must be in the Mafia!
I love women of color, the more assertive and strong the better. Most men want this as well, but are afraid of what will be said at the gossip center. Man up and go get the ethnicity of your heart’s desire.
Comment by prncess4ever on 28 May 2009:
Wow. There are so many generalizations and stereotypes in some of these comments. I didn’t think there would be anyone on this site expressing and BELIEVING those silly misconceptions. For one, ALL black woman are not strong, All asian or white women are weak and submissve. I also heard that asian men were not attractive or well endowed. All I can say is people are people. Each individual no matter what their race was created with differences. How is anyone going to honestly open up and give others a chance when you’ve already formed an opininion before you’ve had a conversation. I don’t get it. Look I hope I haven’t offended anyone but I just had to say something. Oh, and I know plenty of white men that are not “intimidated” to confront black women. At least that hasn’t been my experience. Can’t we all get to know if a person is kind, decent, hard working and is stable and secure. Those traits have no color attached to them.
Comment by salsera77 on 28 May 2009:
Fkoi,
Lololol, Ohhhhhh thanks, honey.
What a nice compliment.
This means that if I ever come out to Cali,
I’ll want to Salsa, Merengue, Bachata,
and Cha Cha Cha
with YOU! Lol.
It was Memorial Day Weekend
and I couldn’t get off the dance floor all weekend.
This was of course just fine with me!
Pdubious,
I mean confidence / boldness (in what you want and not caring what anyone else thinks about it). If that’s what you mean as I do, then I believe we’re on the same page in that respect.
However, some white men may want to date black women but simply don’t have
that confidence or boldness of character which is all I’m trying to get across.
I prefer someone who is not wishy washy about his choice just because he may be afraid of racial issues but someone who is self-assured.
As far as dating someone just because of any persecution from their own race, I don’t
know people that do that either, Pdubious. I don’t get persecuted from my own race so
I wouldn’t want a guy thinking he’s doing me any favors by dating me for that reason.
About Hesitancy:
Some momentary cautiousness is normal sometimes. Everybody feel this sometimes.
Although too much shyness, playing it cool and aloofness can kill opportunities.
Comment by morninflower on 29 May 2009:
Great posts! I especially loved Salsera77’s! in particular you post on the worst and best cities for interracial couples! I think I need to move!
on a serious note though.. I just got back from vacation in Hawaii and I LOVED.. LOVED.. LOVED.. the hundreds of interracial couples that I saw! I know.. it’s silly but it was a beautiful thing to see. The one thing that I do agree with from the article is the level of ignorance - (*on this site as well*) by people that will tend to look at my profile and simply because I speak 3/4 languages… I am up to something or want something? I have had guys send me flirts and once we get to know each other..for some reason…I am “less” of a human being because I am of African Decent (*now don’t get me started on that whole “black African decent/non-African descent crap”! SIGH! A.N.Y.W.A.Y. 
— Great article 
I just hope and pray that each of us finds that special someone 
xoxo
Comment by homesteader on 29 May 2009:
FearlessCrusader; We are all just people seeking Happiness .
Comment by Co_Co_Latte on 29 May 2009:
Hello all - today is my first day with this site. Fairly correct article and very interesting posts - those I’ve read. Seems to be some truth in a lot of most of what is written here and clearly there hasn’t been a study done (or if there has, I haven’t seen it) that takes all of your quite varied experiences into account. I have a strong personality but not a gruff manner. White men who are interested either come right out with it or kind of dance around until they know that rejection is not an issue. We humans have no control over who we are attracted to or that element that makes us just crazy about someone we have just met or whatever. Life is too short for all the pretense. Be Nike: Just Do It!!
Comment by Co_Co_Latte on 29 May 2009:
TO ROBERT GRIFFIN: Congratulations on following your hearts desire and marrying the woman who is obviously your soul mate. Your story is so beautiful and so sad - that your father cannot bring himself to love your children, the children that his own son helped to create. Perhaps there is something in your fathers past, something that happened to him or something that was ingrained in him from a youth that causes him to have such an aversion to Muslims. Once again, as I aforesaid, we cannot help who we are attracted to. In the end, we must find a way to please ourselves, to make ourselves happy. You clearly have a very deep and abiding love for this woman you married, stronger than anything you would allow your father to take away from you. You are blessed!
Comment by Co_Co_Latte on 29 May 2009:
TO JRLOCKS33: I totally understand what you are saying about dialects. My father’s parents are from Barbados and Antigua and I grew up with my Antiguan grandmother. When her friends visited, they would fall into that Antiguan patois that neither my brother nor I could understand. However, I did develop a mild lilt in my voicings that comes out when I speak with other West Indians. But I, like you, am completely in the dark when I hear urban inner city Black Americans speaking street slang peppered with far too many curses for my taste. I cannot understand one single word. At all!!
Comment by Co_Co_Latte on 29 May 2009:
SALSERA77: Hello. Newbie here. Wanted to answer your end of April posting about “Do you think White people influence the composition of interracial dating in the U.S.?” I would say, not all by themselves. But since that is the group that controls the media and since the media is controlled by maybe 2 or 3 conglomerates then what they choose to print or broadcast perpetuates the ignorance and stereotypes that have brainwashed the nation for decades. However, people have been making efforts for just as long to break down those walls, although not quite at the pace that would happen if folks weren’t so concerned about what their peers would say or how they perceive their corporate relationships would shift if they dated or married outside of their ethnic group.
“Do racial stereotypes as portrayed by the media influence racial preference and choice in the internet dating scene?” Perhaps the internet dating scene was borne of the need to crack the ice of preferential influence perpetrated by the media. In the 80s I met (but did not date) innumerable white men who were married to white women but wanted black mistresses because they secretly wanted to marry black but couldn’t, wouldn’t, because of this media influence of which you speak — and additionally strong negative influence of the family.
“What other factors could be making Black women and Asian men the least preferred groups?”
Black women have always gotten a bad rap. When we emerged from slavery those who could pass for white were able to work. These women were able to take care of themselves and start families but had to shun — at least in public — their own own parents or aunts or uncles etc to keep their secret.
Black women have had to be strong because black women are the spine of the family - always have been. Not because black men couldn’t be but because of the fear that white men have always had of them for varied reasons many of which were B.S. and many of which were holdover images leftover from slavery days.
Today, we have an Ivy League educated African American president with a beautiful African American wife, his preference. We have a person who is the son of an African and a White woman running the country.
I would hope that this is evidence enough in the 21st century that we should all boldly ignore whatever crap the media portends to portray and go out and make our own preferred choices and find and love and care for whomsoever we will!!!
Comment by Vimto10 on 29 May 2009:
I feel that there are embedded within the North American Society, especially, languages of preference for certain skin tones and personalities. The media, in all its forms just gives these preferences a platform for us to confirm in our minds, the beliefs and values we have been taught from birth. I do think that we must give credit where it’s due. The fact that we are on an interracial dating site with people from all the various races and social economic status presented is a huge step, for humankind. This dialogue alone is proof to me that we are doing much better than we ever did, historically. Big Up to us!!!!
On this site, I have been contacted by people from all cultures, including those who stated they prefer other races. Some (majority) who contact me, regardless of their racial background, are trying to confirm the stereotypes they already have about Black women. This is sad and hurtful, only because I realize that even those of us who have willingly signed up for interracial experiences, still judge each other with the stereotypes taught to us. Whether we are seeking to confirm the positive or negative beliefs of a group of people in the individual we have picked, still means that we aren’t honoring the precious jewel of a human being they are, at that moment. Yes, even those with no jobs and still in their mama house :). I feel like, as a Black woman, I’m supposed to be a certain way and not another and to be honest, it’s really stifling.
I can probably imagine that every person here feels this way on some level. My question is, why do we continue doing it? The truth of matter is, both men and women from all sorts background are more similar within their gender than culturally. I find that I share more in common with most women, than with men from my background. Also, this issue of preferring partners from another race out of dislike for ones own, is another saddening spot for me. How can we dislike the very people who have birthed and nurtured us, regardless of their shortcomings? To me, it symbolizes a deeper issue of self dislike.
I remember a time when I felt real shame and hatred towards my Black brothers for all the stereotypes that are represented. One day, I heard a group of women from another race say the same things about Black men and women that I was feeling towards the men. First, I got really pissed off because they had the nerve to judge an entire race by stereotypes, then realized that I was no different. I was doing the exact same thing. Once I got over the anger and shock of my realization, I decided I would only look at people as individuals. Not an easy task because there are some who, at the surface level, embody every bit the positive or negative stereotypes. I strive to accept others as they are and hope they will do the same towards me.
That got longer than I expected!
One world, one people, please!!
Peace!!!
Comment by HoneyKissed6 on 29 May 2009:
FearlessCrusader, I’m well aware that Judaism is a religion not a race. I spoke of being Jewish in terms of race because many of my peers do not have historical knowledge of it and tend to categorize Jews into a sum total. For that, I am sorry. So to be very politically correct with you and anyone else following your line of thought, I am and forever will be a multi-ethnic woman. I am the sum total of my Native American heritage, African-American heritage, and my Caucasian ancestors that practice the Jewish faith. Happy now?
Comment by HoneyKissed6 on 29 May 2009:
And you are correct. It is arbitrary and pointless to pigeonhole ourselves into categorical races. We are all “soup” anyway. So for the sake of peace, I’ll be HumanBeing 1 and you are HumanBeing 2. And how are you today?!
Comment by Girlstar7 on 29 May 2009:
I’ve read all the comments about race and dating. And I must say honestly, I am a freshman to the interrace dating. I prefer white males, and not because of the sterotype “A white man is going
to save me”, or “He’s better than a black man”.
I just wanted something new and a man whom I have always wanted to be with.But dealing with society, family and the stares allowed me to remain fearful. I now am very happy to be free and able to just have a don’t give a damn!. Start living joyfully for myself regardless of color, I am a late bloomer
(lol). I realize love has no time limit. And as far
as white males are afraid to approach black women,
this is true!. I get more European white males then
American white males. That is good, but I am an
American woman who wants an American white male.
And updated note: Kind of got my eye on this very cute white male hottie (lol), and yes! he is American..lol
Comment by fkoi on 29 May 2009:
Salsera this is somewhat (somewhat?
off topic and so the wrong forum to be publicly flirting with you (but it is so much fun!). When you get to my neck of the woods and I would relish the opportunity to bring my salsa shoes out of (deep) hibernation. You are so on! I will be the envy of all the cats in the house and real salsarios might have some sympathy for your plight and give you a real twirl on the dance floor. We might could break up whole blocks of stereotypes with some simple dance steps! Cha, cha, cha on that bigots!
Meanwhile, when I’m next heading to Walnut Street, I’ll let you know and thereby we’ll crash stereotypes on both coasts and hope it all meets in the middle.
I did bring it back to topic somewhat didn’t I? Bring on the moderation!
Comment by Rosebud14 on 29 May 2009:
If you try to hard to figure out what goes on in other people’s minds you are chasing after a lost cause. It comes down to attraction, thats it thats all. People get caught up in the color of someones skin and it goes across the board with all races. Everyone discriminates within their own race and unfortunately it always spills over into their own fears, backround and beliefs. I for one do not care if anyone accepts my choice in a partner, whether its my family, friends, or co-workers. It’s hard enough to find love so my advice when you find it hold on screw what anyone else thinks or feels. Those are their issues not yours. With that being said I am mixed White/Hispanic most of the time people really can’t tell what I am. I will tell you that I have had the most dirty looks from white men and black women when I am in public with a black man. Do I care? Nope never have cared what other people think if you can’t bare to look at people of different races together simply don’t look, if we make you sick once again thats your problem, see all of us on this site have overcome the stares, glares and nasty comments that come our way and at the end of the day we are happy because we are just being who we are. So my advice is live your life to the fullest and don’t pass up something beautiful because other people object! Good Luck to all of you!
Comment by prncess4ever on 29 May 2009:
Good evening all and Happy Friday!! @vimto10–well said my sister! There have been some interesting comments on this topic. I’m so glad that we’re able to have an honest, open dialogue about it. I just wanted to let you know how much I relate to your opinion. I have similar sentiments–especially when it comes to totally exluding ones own race for dating. It makes me sad when I hear folks speaking negatively of their own race and culture. I love myself AND black men!! How can I not–my dad, brothers, son, uncles…However, just because I love them doesn’t mean I can’t love men from other races. I just want a kind, nurturing individual who will love me for me. Not because I’m black, or fit some sort of pre-conceived stereotype, but because I’m special to them. Thank you for your thoughtful comments. Bravo!!
Comment by HoneyKissed6 on 29 May 2009:
Salsera, don’t forget to school fkoi on the art of Soca, Merengue, and Samba!
Comment by salsera77 on 29 May 2009:
Co_Co_Latte
Those questions you answered were not mine so I can’t take credit for them.
On April 30th I just restated what was posted at the top of this blog in Ria’s article so as to get back on track. See the end of her article.
Fkoi, people have flirted with me before on here and I back.
As long as it’s very brief and really not often no harm no foul.
I now return to the regular scheduled program.
Morninflower, I always wanted to see Hawaii but now I have one more
reason to motivate me to go, lol.
Comment by moejoe99 on 30 May 2009:
Get over it!!! Just talking about this topic perpetuates the issue of racial division/separation. I am a “2 yrs divorced” white man who was married to a black woman for 14 yrs. Today I would approach a black woman no differently than I would approach any woman of any other race. I don’t even think about race as a variable. Sometimes I feel this site wants us to feel like we’re doing something that is unnatural, and hence, we must rationalize and justify our behavior by having an online therapy session. Who cares if an inter-racial couple are kissing in public. I guess I have to wonder about how comfortable the people on this site are about dating outside of their race. By the way, I am an exec at one of the nation’s largest banks….”corporate America at its finest” - screw what my manager may think when I show up at the next corporate bash with a lady of color!!!
Comment by moejoe99 on 30 May 2009:
By the way, I no longer use this site as a serious means to meet someone. Hence, I have no pic on public display. The level of honesty displayed by most women on this site is less than encouraging. Ladies…..give these newbies a break and treat them gently…..as for the cheaters and liars, you show them who’s the boss!
Comment by homesteader on 30 May 2009:
fkoi ; This in the Proper forum to Enjoy having fun . Question being ; Moderation and frequency of such and so . Answer ; probably could be as easy as having Independant Internet Reseachers Pole . Might be just a waste of time if we were truly to find Bigotry in the Indulgence of the staff at AfroRomance - surely free from Prejudice in the eyes of daily comments given bye so many of different Cultures and Locations . Enjoy the dance of Life .
Comment by homesteader on 30 May 2009:
P.S. Running team L.A. to Philly / Running Legal Logbooks - about 53 hours highway time . Then two days of sleep .
Comment by paulCT on 30 May 2009:
Rosebud14 put me in mind of something Richard Pryor said years ago on the Johnny Carson Show. He and Johnny were chatting about the numerous wives they’d each had. At one point Richard Pryor recounted an instance when someone asked him why several of his wives had been white. His reply was that it is hard enough to find someone you love who also loves you so why would you make it even harder by limiting yourself based on race. I think Richard had a point!
We all have preferences, it’s human nature.
Comment by Girlstar7 on 30 May 2009:
To Princess4ever: I really like your comment on
race relations. Your very correct when you said
you can love black men, I have a 4 year old black
son who will be a black man one day. I love black men too, they are my people as well as a living
uncle and black male friends.But? I so prefer to
date white males, this will never make me forget
my hertiage/ancestory or be someone that I am not.
I want something new and different as well as kind
treatment. Although I know their will be an up hill
battle, I took that into deep consideration on the
choice of stepping out of my usual relationships. I
am so sure and adult enough to know this is what I
want in my life. Just simple joy, love, happiness
and God’s blessing..
Comment by Girlstar7 on 30 May 2009:
To sexyp1: I just read your comment and I must
say that you are a beautiful sista who could get
any man of your choice. Black women and dark skinned women to me seem to be more prefered
by white males. I feel they probably feel that
if they get a dark skinned women then they are
really dating a black women. There are so many
beauitful sista’s of every shade in the black
race. And true! It is a shame that you had to
change your race idenity on a site to see a
real response. I will never deny myself and
being a proud and strong black sista to please
any man of any race. I am me! take it or leave
it!. Hold your head up, you are a star.And love
is just around the corner for you. He’ll love
you big or small, dark or light.
Comment by Girlstar7 on 30 May 2009:
To classynsheek: I am so proud of you for letting
it be known that we are not the least preferred on
sites.We are probably the most preferred,but a lot
of white males may honestly don’t know how to truly approach us.I say like any other woman of any race
with repect, honest and please no sterotypes!. All
black women are not the same and that is not a put
down to my sista’s out here, but we don’t always
desire the same thing as any other woman might
not in her own race.In any interrace relations
there might be up hill battles with family and
friends, not accepting or understanding the heart
of the matter. I say put God first and let him so
direct your steps… and breathe and keep it very
natural and just let the feelings flow. Don’t try
to program your feelings, or what to say or how to
think. And yes! sista black women should never have
to apologize for being natural strong, beautiful
and fearless. We had to for survival.
Comment by salsera77 on 30 May 2009:
HoneyKissed, I have Merengue in the mix but yeah I left out Samba (fun stuff). I’ll have to learn Soca, though. That one I haven’t done yet.
Forgive the delay. My comments are taking longer to post for some reason.
Comment by Balance38 on 31 May 2009:
Hello greeting to all once again,for those who sista who like to read as much as I do, I suggest”The interracial Dating Book For Black Women Who Want To Date White Men” written by Adam White.This book explores many of your question and explains in details and also gives Web discussuiongroup for this book. He is also the writer of “The Interracial Dating Book For White Men Who Want To Date Black Women”. This book is not bias and lack proproganda. I purchased it off amazon.com. Knowledge and a open-mind is the key to understanding . I wish you all success in your search for true happiness. This book addresses alot of your question, doubts, misconception, etc.This book is researched based and peer- reviewed.
Comment by prncess4ever on 31 May 2009:
To Girlstar7. Thank you — you totally get it!!
Comment by Afrazier196 on 31 May 2009:
I do agree with Glock, I just don’t think white men know what to say to a black women….But men have to remember, black women are just like all other women. We just want to be loved and not used.
Comment by salsera77 on 1 June 2009:
Sorry Balance, but I just have to warn people.
Buy if you must or download to save the $30 bucks but many of the reviews were not good.
I would save your money and just BE YOURSELF anyway.
Go to amazon.com, look up the books and read the reviews.
You’ll see why .
Some of the complaints about
“The Interracial Dating Book For Black Women Who Want To Date White Men” written by Adam White” were:
TK
This book definitely isn’t worth $30 and I’d recommend downloading it from one of the sites mentioned.
GypsyHeart
1- The first warning bells sounded when I realized that there was no information about the person behind the “Adam White” pseudonym. Who is he, and what makes him qualified to write about this subject? When an author goes beyond using a pseudonym to shield his complete identity from the reader, I can’t help but wonder what’s wrong.
2- The entire book reads like a poorly written high school term paper….
3- …racist and patronizing attitude the author displayed toward blacks. One bit of advice was for black women to ignore other blacks in public and focus exclusively on white males to make themselves more cross-culturally appealing. Why would any self-respecting black woman want a man who only found her desirable when she distanced herself from those who shared her racial background?
4- I thought the goal was to date whites, not to become white. Yet the author’s suggestions include not wearing ethnic attire so as not to appear hostile, not wearing a great deal of jewelry because that’s associated with “blackness,” and not discussing issues with racial overtones so as not to make white men uncomfortable. Smith also contributes such “gems of wisdom” as: read books about interracial romances in public so whites will know that you are receptive, work to overcome the discomfort you will surely feel at the unaccustomed situation of meeting blue or green eyes, and dress like the white women you know.
ZB
a revolting smorgasboard of racism, paternalism & stereotype,…
Let me say that I’m a white man who has dated several black women. I read the first chapter of this book and felt the urge to vomit. I don’t know what the author’s purpose was but the result was a gross catalog of stereotypes. (”Black women should consider the financial security man white men offer” was one tidbit.)
Joie,
As a multicultural woman, I would applaud the author’s desire to encourage exploration of love with other races; I think, however, I expect many who truly wish to try interracial dating will already be far beyond the puerile suggestions of this book. Save your (money)!
Rocker81
I’m a white man that is interested in dating black women. However, I don’t want a black woman that dresses different to attract white men. I want a black women and not a white women with darker skin. And to hate and be negitive of black
men is also moronic.
Wortless book! Save your money and go buy a DVD or something as you will be much better off than reading this rubbish.
There wasn’t much on the review for “The Interracial Dating Book For White Men Who Want To Date Black Women
Comment by fkoi on 1 June 2009:
Ms. Balance - Thanks for the info. I think we can all benefit from reading what others think about topics of interest to us. I learn a lot reading these blogs but what I read here is not without bias or propaganda. I look into what Adam White has to say on the topic.
By the way, I find it interesting that the book you mention is 10 years old.
Comment by Co_Co_Latte on 1 June 2009:
Realized later Salsera about where the queries originated. No matter though. As many here have aforesaid, we cannot help who we are attracted to. Life is simply to short to be so concerned about what others things. Brava to those who seek personal happiness above the approval of others. I say if your family and your friends truly love and care about you then they will support the choice of your heart and not attempt to color your views based on their notions. Ciao
Comment by salsera77 on 1 June 2009:
Co_Co, I’m not sure what you were trying to say but those were statements not queries and they are PRO interracial dating not against it. I also DID already mention where they came from. Some also suggested downloading the book instead including me if you still want to read it. See above.
Comment by siiwa on 3 June 2009:
i grew up in zurich, switzerland. a small country between germany, france and italy…cause some never heard about that small country:-)
i am a african girl, aged 22, good-looking, well-educated
we have a view black people here..the people here are more or less open-minded but not free from prejudice:-)
the phenomen that black women are the lower rate to date is even here as well..i see alot of good looking, not overweight young black girls who are single and it seems that the white men like to flirt with them but wouldnt go a step further (i m talking also from my own experience) on the other hand u see lot of black men dating and marrying white woman.
where i work i m the first black woman, most of my colleagues are white men…it should be acctually easy for me..but u dont now how hard it is. cause it seems that the white men like to flirt but do not take it serious after all.
compared to the white women.
in my point of view its like when a white woman likes or wants a black men, she doesnt care what other people say. she just go for it. as she knows that some black men like white women, they re not to scared of rejection and are more confident when they approach a black men.
maybe its also cause the media still often shows the beautiful white woman. and rarley the beautiful black woman! we still live in a white dominated world where in the industrial countries the stereotype beautiful white woman stands on top.
for example. lets say we live in a black dominated country where the black woman is on top..just imagine.
dont u think black woman: we would be so much more self-confident and it would be so much more easy for us to approach a white man, cause we KNOW we re the beauty standard and they probably like us?
be honest to yourself guys.
i m interested in white guys and i wonder what more can black woman do, to show white men, that she likes him?
last week we also nominated the hottest swiss girl..and the girl who won was black girl.
i m kind of confused…i hear so many white man saying that they like black woman, but not often approach one. and here in switzerland it is not as “segregated” as in the states. we dont have to fear too much what our familiy gonna say or thinks.
its a strange world!
(sorry my bad english i m not a native speaker. in switzerland we speack in german:-)
Comment by AndrewBoldman on 4 June 2009:
Hi, good post. I have been woondering about this issue,so thanks for posting. I’ll definitely be coming back to your site.
Comment by cocoa70 on 4 June 2009:
Hi Siiwa,
You should come on down to Italy more often then! I’m a black American woman married to an Italian (living in Italy)–Italian men aren’t shy at all, lol.
Why don’t you try dating online? I actually met my husband that way. We’re really happy, he’s family is sweet, my parents LOVE him (actually sometimes I think they love him more… just kidding)
If you are shy about online dating, maybe you could join some activity groups for hiking or trekking around. That’s another nice place to meet guys away from work. Plus there usually are more guys than gals whenever it comes to sporty stuff. Most of my friends here say that they meet through other friends so you could play hostess and have a little party to get to know people better…
Good luck!
Comment by Jimmydea01 on 5 June 2009:
I was just talking too a person online, she just started dating white men, but said it rare where she came from, New York, ive dated girls that went down south and said this does not happen in the 80s, being in the Millitary, ive been all over the south or New York where most of my family is from, i dated in all these places like georgia or south carolina etc, New York, but if i think someone looks good, i tell them, and had no problems if they were also attracted.
Now recently, my ex just went out on a date up here in seattle/tacoma area/ he was white and some guys said, what is this Jungle Fever from some guys walking by them, she had never had any comments like this before with me or any one she dated, so it still happens with dum comments by some folks, but that will not stop her from dating whoever she is attracted too. Nor should it anyone on here.
Comment by whurr on 6 June 2009:
On Yahoo personals, white men love Asian women more because they will ’show you fun’ for $25. As long as you have a XOOM account, you can transfer your weekly grocery money to the Phillipines and have some ‘fun’.
There is nothing better then paying $25 and watching someone who claims to be 40 years old, but looks like she is 11, possibly going on 12.
The same Yahoo ‘daying profiles’ find their way into the chat room on this site. I love watching them try to hawk their ‘wares’ on cam to the incredibly horny. There is nothing more romantic to me than to hear a young Phillipina saying ‘YOu like to have fun’ in the.chat room.
SIGGHHHHHHH
Yahoo personals is so cool. I’m hungry now. I think I am going to go get some General Tso chicken and cuddle up under a comforter.
Comment by tropicaltam on 6 June 2009:
Yahoo Personals….seriously. If your going to do a study about dating preferences, please include data from all types of dating websites. I refuse to believe a survey from yahoo is going to predict the trends of other websites. There is so much more research that should be done on that matter rather than poking around on one site and yelling “I’ve got it”! Purely ridiculous. While some of the points of the article are supported by many, this only fuels the problem. Let me see research that is more in-depth and truly proves me wrong about what I feel. Furthermore, were they attempting to profile dating in the USA only or was it meant to reach a broader audience? That puzzles me entirely. I enjoyed reading the feedback, very interesting points of view.
Comment by siiwa on 7 June 2009:
hy cocoa70
thanks for answering…i never did online dating before..afroromace is now the first site i see.
but its a little bit difficult, cause most of the men i would be interested in life outsite switzerland..
do u know a goog dating website u could reccomend?
Comment by kristyn20003 on 7 June 2009:
Great points all around.
Even while growing up in a very segregated town in Arkansas, I’ve always been always attracted to non-Black men, even though I did, and still do, find Black men attractive. But, I initially dated Black men, because it was as if there was this message, as was commonplace in that southern culture at that time, that I had a “place” and I should stay in it. So, even when I went to a university that was about 92% White/5% Black and I was BEYOND sick and tired of the seeing the same “color struck” behavior of Black men in college that I had seen in high school, I continued to solely seek Black men as dating options.
By the way, I don’t care about shades of skin in the Black community and think it is equally ignorant that SOME (most definitely not all) darker-hued Black women take issue with lighter-hued Black women for their skin tone and that SOME (not all) lighter-hued Black women actually think that most darker-hued Black women envy them. I have incredibly beautiful brown skin.
I love it and do not desire to be any other shade. And I have awesome girlfriends who are lighter in hue and equally beautiful. In fact, of the 14 of us that get together annually, not one is the exact same shade. On a somewhat side note, reading another blog made me realize that SOME (again, not all) color-obsessed Black men projected THEIR insecurities about skin color onto Black women. Some even made it seem as if one group was better than the other and pitted Black women against each other, whether deliberate or not. But, at the end of the day, we are all accountable for our own behavior. So, those who act ignorant enough to see each other unwarranted as the enemy deserve the angst that goes with that. Sure, the color division practices were wielded largely by White America years ago (and sometimes presently), but it seems to be most firmly and proudly wielded by Black America, also.
Anyway, my catalyst for breaking free of the “Black men only” club, was seeing the Black men in college date anything but a Black woman, yet try to take any Black woman to task that dated a man of another race, even if that non-Black man loved and valued her. I got tired of this contrived, BS belief that I was supposed to be loyal to a group of men that didn’t reciprocate this loyalty, just because we were of the same race. And I realized that, for the same reason I never felt obligated to go to a historically-black college or university (HBCU) just because I was Black (although individuals have various reasons), I didn’t have to date a Black man just because I was Black either. What’s more, I realized that nothing external gauged or validated my blackness. Rather, my “blackness” was internal and eternal and HOWEVER I lived that out, it was authentic. I didn’t have to be a certain shade, talk a certain way, etc.
Anyway, as I’ve traveled on this journey of interracial dating some 10+ years ago, my racial consciousness and my propensity to ask “why” alot had me analyzing the dynamics of interracial dating, namely as it entailed Black women. And, after years of believing that most White men aren’t interested in us, and still seeing the showing of interest that seems to be predominantly expressed with other races of women, I have come to firmly believe that most men of all races desire Black women. I’ve seen plenty of them, especially in the DC metro area, circumspectly looking at Black women when they think we aren’t looking. And they could be with another woman. Or, they’ll go to the extreme and act as if they didn’t notice a beautiful Black woman enter the car. What’s funny is that the White women are generally looking us up and down, also. But, a White man looking isn’t my only reason for my belief.
In slavery, when White men had free reign and the support of the legal system to do with Blacks as they saw fit, it wasn’t uncommon for them to enter into sexual relations with us. Black women were their “exotic and submissive” choices. We couldn’t talk and fight back without consequence and that continued somewhat even up through the Jim Crow era. Now, all of a sudden we’re supposed to believe that there’s zero interest in us on the part of White men? I propose that, just as racism and discrimination haven’t gone away, but have rather gone underground, the interest in Black women hasn’t gone away either. Unfortunately, some of that interest tends to still be sexually based, with no intention of something as honorable as marriage or a long-term relationship forthcoming. And, I think Asian women have knowingly and unknowingly replaced us as the “exotic and submissive” archetypes in White American male culture; but, as far as I’m concerned, they can have that title. The difference today seems to be that, in a country still polarized along the lines of Black and White, to the point that even non-Blacks and non-White Americans feel compelled to “choose,” Asian women are more accepted by White culture as dating and marriage partners. Instead of being outright politically INcorrect and calling Asian women “exotic and submissive,” the term now employed is “feminine.” But, I don’t believe Asian women are the epitome of femininity or womanhood. Both are mine and any woman’s from conception. All women, even those within the same racial, ethnic, and cultural groups or with different sexual orientation preferences, express different degrees of femininity. But, no group of women has the monopoly on that word or characteristic. I think it’s another word used in a racially- and socially- manipulative fashion, like “model minority” and “reverse racism.” In essence, it’s meant more to “insult” subgroups not in that category, rather than to compliment the group given that label. Moreover, I have a theory that, in the case of some of the White American men who label Asian women as the “most feminine” the intent is mostly to hide their insecurities about their masculinity.
Allow me to explain. I have a basic belief that God created man and woman and anything beyond that, namely race, MAN created, emphasized, and marketed NOT God. How many men have gone off to foreign places and have had ZERO interaction, when given the opportunity, between the men and native women? I think that the American men that reject Black women because of our “race” and stereotypes attached to that actually lack confidence in themselves. What MAN is afraid of a WOMAN? The men that see Black women as a “challenge” and too independent, may need to check their confidence in their manhood and masculinity. Don’t get me wrong. I know there are Black women with a major chip on their shoulder and who will bite a guy’s had off. And, I can understand having apprehension about that. But, there are Asian and White women who will do the same. Or, they’ll feel the emotion, not overtly express anger, yet do something passive aggressive. What bothers me is that so many Black women, and it seems to be starting all over again with young Black girls, are internalizing others’ fear and ignorance and defining our beauty, value, worth, etc. upon other’s perception of us. But, the fear, shame, insecurity AND rejection isn’t on us, but on the others that hold our race against us, especially based upon stereotypes.
Again, if they just happen to find Asian women attractive, no hierarchy based on race or stereotypes, more power to them. Believe it or not, I understand and respect “preference,” even as I believe there is a very thin line between preference and prejudice, including my own. Or should I say that I respect preference in the sense that a man can simply find a certain look attractive that does not include the diverse beauty of Black women, and it has nothing to do with racial stereotypes or influences. And I mean that. But, for those that are avoiding us due to stereotypes or peer or family influence, I think these men are cowardly and insecure and need to some B&B: balls and backbone.
Overall, as I mentioned earlier, I think we ARE desired more than not. But, because of so many factors, non-Black men (and even some Black men) it isn’t always obvious (and I agree, as the guy said earlier, that women can approach men, also). As a woman with four sisters and who actually sees other women as “sisters” before I see them as “enemies” and “competition,” I see the many great qualities of Black women. For one, we are some of the most diehard, loyal, unselfish, nurturing and supportive women on the face of this earth…almost at our expense and demise when it comes to men unworthy of receiving those qualities. And, physically, we generally age well and are the only racial group that encompasses every feature, shade, hair color, etc. Overall, I think we have an incredible amount of strength and would be an asset to any man wise enough to gain us as a mate. That’s not to all Black women have it together. And that isn’t to say other races of women lack these positive qualities as so many women around the world are going through a LOT of pain, persecution, and oppression, yet still endure. But, I’m speaking of Black women, specifically, because some men seem to want to believe that the positive assets that exist with other races are nonexistent when it comes to Black women.
Stereotypes, no matter how we frame them are “myths” and are fear-based. And generally, people are too lazy or cowardly to find and live out the truth that, at the end of the day, we are all human beings, even though I speak in terms of race. I use the racial terms partially out of habit and partially because I find it easier to explain and articulate my experience and some other things. But, the we-are-all-human phrase, while said over and over again and quite cliche-ish, is true. For me, it means that we all laugh, cry, grieve, love, laugh, hurt, hope, dream, bleed, live, die, etc… All of us. I don’t want a man that can’t see that and I don’t want someone who is wishy-washy about dating Black women. Interracial dating might draw enough fire by itself. But, God forbid that I am saddled with someone who is not firm about where he stands on it. And while I don’t want a weak White man, I am not okay that so many White men are avoiding Black women due to racism and/or racial stereotypes. I’m never okay with “it is what it is” or “that’s just the way it is.” Too much would still be the same today if others had taken that stance and done nothing. But, I guess we all pick our battles.
Comment by salsera77 on 8 June 2009:
Good points, Krystyn2003…
I like that you’ve echoed some similar
sentiments that I posted on May 25th & 28th.
I even use some of the same words and
it sounds like you’ve experienced the same.
I felt your similar thoughts fleshed out, bared repeating. I hope you don’t mind.
__________________________________________________
How many men have gone off to foreign places and have had zero interaction, when given the opportunity, between the men and native women? I think that the American men that reject Black women because of our “race” and stereotypes attached to that actually lack CONFIDENCE in themselves. What MAN is afraid of a WOMAN? The men that see Black women as a “challenge” and too independent, may need to check their CONFIDENCE in their manhood and masculinity.
…Or should I say that I respect preference in the sense that a man can simply find a certain look attractive that does not include the diverse beauty of Black women, and it has nothing to do with racial stereotypes or influences. And I mean that. But, for those that are avoiding us due to stereotypes or peer or family influence, I think these men are cowardly and insecure and need to some B&B: balls and backbone.
Stereotypes, no matter how we frame them are “myths” and are fear-based. And generally, people are too lazy or cowardly to find and live out the truth that, at the end of the day, we are all human beings, even though I speak in terms of race.
I don’t want a man that can’t see that and I don’t want someone who is WISHY-WASHY about dating Black women. Interracial dating might draw enough fire by itself. But, God forbid that I am saddled with someone who is not firm about where he stands on it. And while I don’t want a weak White man, I am not okay that so many White men are avoiding Black women due to racism and/or racial stereotypes. I’m never okay with “it is what it is” or “that’s just the way it is.”
Comment by Jimmydea01 on 8 June 2009:
Whuurr- I know you have to be kidding, spending money on certain things, and saying these girls look 11-12, that is kinda creepy, almost like a proud Child Mo—–. But i took it as your joking?
Comment by siiwa on 8 June 2009:
Amen, sista!
best preach ever! u touched my heart. thank u.
Comment by siiwa on 8 June 2009:
the Amen goes to kristyn20003:-)
Comment by Toree18 on 9 June 2009:
Kristyn20003
I agree with you, because I’ve noticed quite a few of us BW have been and still are being negatively stereotyped, but the sad part is we aren’t only being negatively stereotyped by societies of other races, we’re also being stereotyped by some BM.
It appears to be the general concensus that if a BW is strong emotionally & mentally, self sufficent, has progressive self direction,and positively assertive she is LABELED as “too bossy” or some other stereotypical label similar to that. Why is a BW who possess’s these qualities always labeled with a negative connotation, and woman of another race with the same qualities is labeled with a positive connotation; such as “she’s ambitious?”
I would like to know in 2009 why we (BW) are still being negatively labeled?
Why are we not suppose to be ambitious, assertive, and have positive self direction?
Jimmydea01;
It struck me as “odd or weird” what Whurr said too, am I over reacting to a not-funny joke?
Comment by jns77 on 11 June 2009:
It was very interesting to read all these posts. I grew up in a small Midwestern town, originally from India but lived in the U.S. since I was 3. I prefer white men to Indian men because I think they treat their women better in general and I’m more attracted to them. But I also feel guilty I feel that way. And it is a real challenge finding someone to be with, because I don’t feel most white men are open to dating me (even though I am very attractive, and I would probably have been happily married with children by now if I had been white). Even in open-minded California where I live, it has been a challenge. I have tried online dating and met a wonderful man but we broke up after a year. It’s very frustrating sometimes and I feel there is definitely some miscommunication.
Comment by btwyme on 11 June 2009:
No you weren’t, Jimmydea01. I felt the same about Whurr’s comment, and that he was so nonchalant about it just makes it worse.
Great comments folks.
Guys, glad to hear your voice.
Particularly loved your POV’s Krystyn2003.
Comment by fkoi on 12 June 2009:
Divide and conquer has always been a sound military/socio-economic strategy. It has worked since the beginning of time. If a group or a group within a group can be targeted as somehow less-than, then others can use that as a springboard to feeling superior.
I have my preferences that seem to be hard-wired into my being. I preferred Katy Jurado to Grace Kelly in “High Noon” as a child and couldn’t understand why Gary Cooper didn’t. At the same time that didn’t mean that I felt that the Amy Fowler character was less than the Helen Ramirez character, just that Mrs. Ramirez was prettier (C’mon, I wasn’t even 10 when I first saw the movie. That was about as sophisticated I could be at that point!)
We become so indoctrinated by the media and infused with an “us versus them” attitude that it is an easy step to think that my preferences are somehow moral imperatives. They aren’t. We have to be careful about passing on that impression and we have to be careful about assuming it on ourselves.
I miss the classic “tall, dark and handsome” category on at least one (and to some all three) characteristics. Supporting each other rather than smearing each other is key.
I see nearly all the colours of the Black and the White spectrum on this blog. Amazingly beautiful women of all hues, many of y’all telling stories of prejudice base on your particular shade, if not your race as a whole. What I see is women whom I would be proud to have on my arm anywhere, anytime. That anyone can see anything different astonishes me (even though it has long ceased to surprise me).
For the dudes, I’m sure you are all beautiful in your own way too. It’s just not so easy for me to see. LOL
Comment by fkoi on 12 June 2009:
BTW, it is interesting to note that almost all, if not all, the comments by women on this article are made by Black women (of various hues) and most by men are by White men (also of various hues). Not saying anything there, just saying.
Comment by salsera77 on 12 June 2009:
fkoi,
I think I and some of the other women here are pretty mature, intelligent and have had many experiences from which they are speaking. There’s nothing wrong with knowing and stating what one wants in a partner. I think I can speak for Many when I say we know this is not a dictatorship.
Ummmm…I don’t know if All know that, lol,
but I digress…
For myself I know the difference between a preference and a moral imperative as you say and when I make comments, they are not commands to anyone. I don’t expect everyone to take a fancy to me or my points of views but that is a two-edge sword. I don’t adore everyone and appreciate everyone’s convictions either but I know they have a right to them. It’s a free country. We are all trying to enlighten each other on this love/dating/interracial thing drawing from our experiences and believe me I have some doozeys you wouldn’t believe. You say we have to be careful? Lololol, You have no idea how circumspect I’ve been but some of us have earned the right to talk about these things which may be illuminating for newby’s. Others are going to quite naturally take what they want and leave the rest. So rest assured.
Comment by NOPLAYER on 12 June 2009:
When it comes to stereotypes, as people we have a choice to dismiss them or look into them for legitimacy.
I once heard someone say, “The lie told long enough becomes an accepted truth!”
I have to ask, what’s the goal of those who have control of the imagery that’s fead to the public?
Are they fearful of the raise of BW? Are they threatened by her sense of self worth and desire to belittle her as a means of propping up their own deflated self image?
I’m aware of their preception of the BM as a threat but why the attach on BW?
Sometimes I believe there’s a conspiracy on behalf of those who control the media and other forms of imagery, to depict the BW in such negative terms as a means of getting her to question her own value.
When people have low self esteem, they’re easily influenced by the perceptions of others and as a result they look for ways to conform to the standards of those who create the image of what the standard is.
By implying that BW are the least desireable women on the dating scene and throwing in all the negative stereotypes about BW, is this an attemp to knock her down of of her high horse?
Has she become too upity for some, is she daring to define who she is, are other women from other ethnic groups starting to catch this bad case of “BOLDNESS”?
What are they going to do with this BW? Some of her own BM is intimidated by her and while others are fasinated by her, they’re threatened by her!
So, must they try to control her by generating negative images about her hoping they’ll crush her spirit and she’ll fall back in line?
You’ll die waiting!
I smell a rat or could I be looking too deep into this thing?
Peace!
Comment by urladylove on 13 June 2009:
Well, I think stereotypes definitely play a role in which people others find attractive. But to say that only African-American women are bossy or intimidating is a fallacy. Who a woman becomes has to a lot to do with her upbringing, her life experiences, and how she chooses to define herself. I’m a well-spoken, educated, and confident African-American woman who’s values and experiences have shaped who I am today. My self-confidence, determination, and courage to be the best person I can be comes from my Caucasian great-grandmother who raised 7 bi-racial children in a hate-ridden community, my Cherokee great-grandmother who lost family members because of prejudice, a Hispanic Godmother who came to America as an immigrant, and the strong black women in my family who were descendants of African slaves. From the lily-white Mary Busbee to the chocolate Andrea Glaze, these women all had one thing in common-perseverance to make a life for themselves and their families.
There is no secret that African-Americans have been at the bottom of the totem pole for a long time. So combined with the stereotypes, discrimination, and various socio-economic factors that may disenfranchise the African-American woman, yes some have had to develop “tough” skin. We’re more likely to live in poverty, raise children by ourselves, be victims of crime, less likely to marry, and often live in communities in which opportunities to better yourself are limited.
Thus don’t dismiss an African-American because of perceptions, what you’ve heard, etc. Get to know the woman….maybe the demeanor is a facade because we’re giving, caring, loving, and hardworking Queens who’ve often had to carry a lot on our shoulders. Not all of us are angry, bitter, or bossy women. But please note that these adjectives can describe a woman of any race! At the end of the day, we all have these pre-conceived notations about others who are different then we are, but I hope people aren’t going into relationships because they think a woman is docile, aggressive, or more likely to cook dinner every night because of their race. Please!
Comment by homesteader on 13 June 2009:
Takes a Man to find a Woman and a Woman to find a Man , Color has nothing to do with True Love / that has to be gained Together .
Comment by Coralane on 13 June 2009:
I agree with the majority of this article. I agree that black women are generally percieved at the bottom of the barrel as far as desirable. I would say black men have a much better shot at being with anyone they wanted to. BW have such a bad brand on our race: We’re not smart, we’re loud, obnoxious, crass, multiple children with multiple fathers, etc. I’m quite partial to white men in general, and live in an area that’s 90% white, but bad grounds for interracial dating. My ex and I got constant stares from men who were dating out of their race too! WM/BW is rare, and I get giddy when I see random couples where I go. Sometimes I even introduce myself
I’m highly intimidated by approaching my preference as well.
I also believe that there are so few “stereotypes” with Asian men, that they seem completely invisible in the dating world. I like asian men too, and I can’t help but notice how many people of all races seem fantasize and dream with being with “their women”. It’s a shame– people don’t know what they’re missing when they go by stereotype. Even when a certain race has a stigma, at least they’re noticed. And there seems to be next to nothing for them to get in the spotlight.
Comment by cocoa70 on 13 June 2009:
hy cocoa70
thanks for answering…i never did online dating before..afroromace is now the first site i see.
but its a little bit difficult, cause most of the men i would be interested in life outsite switzerland..
do u know a goog dating website u could reccomend?
I met my hubby on “Match dot com international”. Actually I was looking for someone in Switzerland because I was planning a snowboarding trip and I thought it would be fun to meet some friends and penpals from the area, to get tips on traveling in the area. But my then this Italian guy contacted me and he was like “Oh, but Italy has great snowboarding too!!”–and so our friendship then relationship was born.
Comment by fkoi on 14 June 2009:
Salsera77, I hope nothing I said indicated to you that I find you anything less than a mature, intelligent and informed woman. And one who speaks from her experience and heart.
It is just so hard for me to grasp a world where the amount of melanin in ones system makes such a difference to people. I’m not unaware. I know it does. It is just so weird.
People can and should be attracted to whomever they are. I guess I just wish for a world where folks are open-minded to all the beauty that is part of the world. Deciding not to approach a woman because she is three degrees darker or lighter than cafe au lait makes so little sense to me. But folks do it and have the right to do so.
It is just when they make stereotyped decisions in other areas based on their preference that their decisions go beyond what is their “right” and affect the rights of others.
Comment by Siolav on 14 June 2009:
It is now June and I see we are still talking about “choice”. From what I see and from my experiance, there is a lot of dating going on with no intentions of going further into deep relationships. This can be hurtful to Black women (others too maybe)because it makes us feel we are not acceptible wife material. We make some of the best wives and I know that within my family divorce is a bit taboo. We make fun family life in spite of what the media portrays us as being. It’s all about keeping us seperate. So come on—-get rid of your fears and own up.
Comment by FearlessCrusader on 14 June 2009:
Wow, this thread is so long I hate to make it longer, but hopefully this wll help:
Superlite (4/25) and M.Elliot (4/27), you are soooo right! Women have to be careful not to appear to be chasing a man, because men naturally run from this sort of role reversal…but women do have to meke themselves available to the men they are interested in. Ladies, you MUST let him know if you are interested, and you must let him know that he has a chance with you. This is hard for you ladies because YOU can tell easily when a man is interested in you, so you think he can too, but it doesn’t work that way. Men are clueless. They can’t discern the little interest signs, so you have to be PERSISTANT and OBVIOUS to get their attention (sorry if I’ve offended you guys, but it is a scientific fact that most men are this way). You ladies have to walk a fine line here, and I don’t envy you. Men, you are privileged. God has blessed you by ordaining you to choose and approach any woman you are attracted to, while women prety much have to wait for the man to approach her. Use your responsibility wisely. Ladies, there are plenty of ways in which you can encourage a man to approach you. Be creative, not passive. You have just a much power to attract him as he has to chase you.
LaughSailor (4/25), your experiences with online dating sites was quite interesting, but different than mine. I’ve found POF and OKC to be completely colorblind. However, my experinece with eHarmony was interesting. For those of you who aren’t familiar with them, they do all the matching themselves, based upon (1) compatibility, as determined by extensive testing, and (2) your stated prferences. They do not even attempt to match on chemistry. Now, when I first joined 3 years ago, I stated “no preference” under ethnicity…and almost all the women they matched me with were white. I wasn’t comfortable with any of them, so I changed my preference so that they would match me with whites only when there was a higher than usual degree of compatibility. Guess what? Out of the next 300 matches they provided. NOT ONE of them was white. Apparently I’m not very compatible with ANY white woman.
In response to the lengthy discussions about “being black enough”, this has worked both wys. I noticed way back when I was in college that when a black man dated a white woman, she was almost always blonde. Likewise, at that time, black women usually only dated blonde white men. If a black person was going to date a white, they wanted to make sure they were extremely and obviously white. I’n not sure this is still true. But I’ve noticed that advertisers prefer lighter-skinned black women. Half the women in ads in Ebony, you can’t tell whether they’re white or black. I love all black women regardless of their shade; however, I am an educated, intelligent thinker and have nothing in common with ignorant black women. I date the ones who are educated, articulate, and thughtful. In many people’s minds, those are the one who “act white”. So be it.
Sexyp1, your experiment was priceless! I love it when speculation and opinions are replaced by facts. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Noplay, you have given the very best advice of all in a nutshell: BE YOURSELF!
Comment by prettypepper on 16 June 2009:
I think the media–for whatever warped reasons–attempts to perpetuate sterotypes of all kinds. I choose to ignore them–both the media AND the sterotypes. I’ve dated Black men mostly in an attempt to prove something to myself. But I’m just not naturally drawn to them in a romantic way (at least I haven’t been yet!) Must I be simply because we share the same skintone? Animals have more sense than that (and humans are supposed to be evolved!) Anyone who buys into the notion (in this day-and-age no less) that s/he must adhere to some other human beings ideals on whom s/he can love does her/himself a grave disservice and may miss out on the love of a lifetime! I hate neither Black men nor myself. The bottom-line is you like who you like and you don’t have to explain or justify that not even to yourself, let alone anyone else.
I say flip the media and anyone else who tries to dictate how YOU should live YOUR life.
Comment by Weeeelll on 17 June 2009:
Ive read through most of these and have a few things ,,,
Black women to me are absolutely beautiful. The skin, the hair, the eyes, the lips, the legs, the breasts, etc. I have always loved dark-skinned women, had posters of them in room as a kid which went against the norm when I grew up, I didnt care. I grew up in the militray so dating wasnt a big issue. Im 47 now, widower, no kids. I have my profile up and I talk. I say, dont sweat the issue, enjoy your walk through the flower garden and when the right one makes her appearance, you’ll know. Go slow, get to know each other ,, and for those of you still looking, look at my profile. Only one question : Why do so many “look” but dont respond ?
Orion
Comment by Guest on 18 June 2009:
I came across this thread entirely by accident (I was looking up ways to overcome eye-contact aversion), and found myself completely intrigued by the original question, not because I have long wondered about it, but because it was recently brought to my attention that perhaps I should.
To elaborate, I am what is commonly known as bi-racial, though in my case and many others’ I’m sure it’s a misnomer. I grew up in Idaho, and now reside in Seattle. It never occurred to me to be attracted to someone based on skin color, though in my life I have often been accused of being ‘too white’ or ‘not black enough.’ Those comments are of coursed based on media perpetuated stereotypes that, as others have said, only dumb people buy into. Unfortunately, those dumb people happen to be my family, on my dad’s side.
I never could figure out what ‘too white’ meant. I’m from Idaho. I act and talk like everyone else I was raised around. ‘Not black enough’ apparently has something to do with my lack of attitude, perfect Northwestern accent, and the fact that I don’t have a single black person in my circle of friends, not because I avoid them, but because them’s the sweet lemons I’ve been dealt.
I don’t see any of that as a problem, and have often wondered why people expect me to fill this stereotype of a black woman simply because I am such a nice shade of brown. I am not a skin color, I am an American, and if indeed I must be black, then indeed I must also be white, which of course is a very gray area where most people are concerned.
In any case, the other day my dad randomly told me that he wanted me to date black men because men of other races, particularly white men, were not prepared to date me, and wouldn’t be able to handle it. I looked down at myself, thinking his words might be explained by the fact that I’d suddenly turned into a three-toed sloth. Nope, I was still human. Culturally, because of where I was raised, I am an American of the Pacific Northwest, which I guess means I like to wear socks with my sandals and eat gluten free granola. But basically, I couldn’t understand at all what my dad was talking about. He went on to explain, and what I extracted from the conversation was that skin color mattered in whom one should choose to date. This from the dark skinned man who has only fallen in love twice in his life: with my mom, and with my stepmom, who are, respectively, Austrian descended and a German native. The man with three bi-racial kids. What tripe.
The rest of the conversation did not go well, leading me to the realization that I have never considered myself black or white at all. Ever since, I have found myself pondering this topic, trying to formulate why color would matter if two people were attracted to each other, and what some of the causes of such an odd way of thinking might be from. Especially in places that are not still entrenched in 1915.
I live in Seattle, which, if I remember from an earlier post, was listed as #2 on the list of best cities for interracial dating. I do see a lot of interracial couples, and to be fair, the run down does have a much, much smaller percentage of WM/BW than any other combination, but I personally believe that it’s mostly a case of population demographics than anything else. With the exception of Asian men, who tend to look right past me, I don’t seem to have a particular problem attracting attention from men of most ethnicities–my ability to deal with that attention is another thing, haha– and I certainly don’t feel obligated to date anyone I don’t like. This life is too short to go around worrying about how much natural SPF my kids will be born with.
I find it amusing, and rather sad, that all of the stereotyping, and the implied prohibition about who I date has come almost entirely from my colored side of the family, and colored friends of the family. Why are they so reluctant to embrace the future, which will be better for the inherent progress made when people date interracially. Not to mention a prettier future, because mixed kids are cuter *grin* But for them, I’m not black enough, and I apparently need to embrace, not the future, but the past, and where I’m from.
Where I’m from? Like the song says: You know I like my chicken fried, cold beer on a Friday night, a pair of jeans that fit just right, and the radio up…
I’m American. The sooner people in this country can proudly mark that on a survey and let color merely become part of a descriptive process (like, bet on the gray, did you see that red Mini Cooper, or, oh look, that black guy over there is really hot…) the freer people will feel to stop restricting themselves to perceived notions about racial dating taboos, and give themselves a much better chance at finding someone they’d be happy to spend the rest of their lives with. I am very tired, so I hope any of that made sense.
Comment by packer083 on 18 June 2009:
Hello my name is Brandon and let me say that i am 18 years old and just got out of high school i came upon this acticle and i was amazed that many people had at least ahd some kind of problem simailar to teh one that i ahd and still have to this day yes i believe that at the beginning of this post someone said that white men are afriad to approach women and that is in some aspects true as i a once qwas and still somethimes find myself asking what is wrong “you like this girl so go up to her”adn then i jsut wave it off i believe that most guys are afiad of tallking to some women just because they do not want to be though of as not in teh loop and therefore no one will ever look at them the same i am currently havign this problem.I am becoming far more openning about my prefenece not a need just a prefence that i love to date black women and i believe that any women is in her won way beauitful but you give me a strong black women and ill be the happiest guy on earth.My problm is why do i ask myself what i should do i can’t go up to any women any more and jsut say hey how is it goign i used to be what you would call a natural adn jsut let things flow but for now i guess im just having a run in with a little self doubt and what to see if anyone has ever run into something like this before.I currently live in Milwakee,Wisconsin and i am 6′7 about and still find it hard to get over the fact that i can not apporach a women and just be myself i am just asking for a little advice on how i can make my life a little easier.
Comment by fkoi on 18 June 2009:
Ms. Guest,
That was a great post. And the nation you describe at the end would be even better, in my mind, if the comment was, “Man that woman in the grey jacket over there in the blue Mini Cooper is red hot!” ‘Coz she is likely to be no more black than I am white or pink (and is there anyone for whom the “flesh-coloured” bandages actually match their flesh colour?).
Comment by Guest on 24 June 2009:
I came upon this blog just browsing about IR dating. I am a black woman who has dated her share of white men. Unfortunately the majority of my experiences have not been good. For some reason most of these men have been just about satisfying curiosity with no intention of being seriously involved. This is very hurtful. Siolav, you are so correct on this. We do make good wives and are very family oriented. Guys, you never know what blessing your fears are keeping away from you.
Comment by SBW1962 on 25 June 2009:
Sialav you are so right–there is too much dating going on with no intention of marriage. And it is very hurtful. I have dated my fair share of white men only to have it end because they were in it just out of curiosity. I too say get over your fears and if you’re truly diggin’ black women act on it. It just may be the best thing you’ll ever do and you may find your soulmate.
Comment by golden on 3 July 2009:
I would never ever marry a white man unless he had a substantial amount of wealth period.
Comment by susie1011 on 8 July 2009:
I find it extremely tragic that in this day and age american women attribute the tone of their skin to their inability to get a man.I m from London and trust me if someone likes you they like you. Why is it o.k for people to get offended when a man says he prefers dark skinned women to lighter skinned women?As black women are hair colour is predominately dark so obviously we are going to be described by the colour of our skin. We don t see anything wrong with our white sisters being described as blonde; brunette; red head;etc. It s just a matter of preference!I got chatted up by a dark haired grey eyed man– I told him i preferred the blonde blue eyed male. He moved on!
I think in the UK there s a different sort of mind set; you do get the odd hiccups but if your not looking for something you won t see it!
Comment by FearlessCrusader on 8 July 2009:
Siolav, Guest, and SBW1962, you’re awfully predjucdiced and one-sided. I have dated more than my fair share of black women only to have it end because they would not marry a white man. They’ll date white men for sex, money, and connections, but rare is the black woman who wants to get married, especially to a white man. You say that black women make great wives, but my experience is that most black women don’t even want to be wives.
You hear a lot of statistics showing there are more single black women than single black men, or simply more single women than single men. But have you ever looked deeper? Check out the statisistics on the percentage of women who WANT to get married; the number of single women who want to get married actually exceeds the number of men who want to get married. Check out Linda Sunshine’s book on this subject.
“Soulmates,” a documentary film shown recently at the largest black singles ministry in Jacksonville, addressed this very topic. One of their most shocking revelations was that the percentage of black children raised in households where both the mother and father were present, was much higher under slavery than it is today. And, I might add, the percentage of black women having sex with someone who was not her husband was much lower under slavery than it is today.
Sisters, that is not progress. You need to stop playing games and get serious about your relationships.
Comment by panda on 13 July 2009:
I’m a white woman who met a wonderful African American man. We’ve been together almost a year and it’s been quite a surprise that there’s tension on both sides. My mother is quite opposed to the union with the stance of “What if you had children? They’d have no ‘true’ identity”. My father likes him and wants to meet him, saying that he seems like he’s far nicer than the white men I’d previously dated. I’ve found that, in the Northwest, the only men I can find who are 1)spititual 2)Like the same food as I 3)Go to a club and actually *dance* with me 4)Don’t try to put me into a box, are men of color.
I’ve noticed, though, that when we’re out some women of color (NOT ALL) will give us tense stares. The stereotypes of him ‘upgrading’ or my being a ‘phase’ before he settles down with a woman of color are running rampant.
Why can’t it simply be that he’s from Philly and I’m from Dallas and when I cook him black eyed peas greens and cornbread he gobbles it up instead of looking at me like I just served him green eggs and ham (most white men from the north just don’t know what to do with dishes like that). Why can’t it simply be that he’s happy he found a woman that will stay up until 4am playing “Army of Two” on a Saturday night?
He’s labeled as a sell out and I’m scorned for *potentially* birthing children that will have no identity. Then there are the more bigotted remarks from ignorant fools, but I’ll stop there. I’m accussed from ’stealing’ a ‘good’ black man.
Do women of color face stereotypes when they choose to give a white man a chance romantically? When you go out, is there tension? What are the stereotypes that you face? White men, I’m curious to know what you hear as well.
I’ve never felt this way in my life and it makes me sad that I’m seen as a traitor in the eyes of my race or that one or two not-so-much friends on either side describe the other as a ‘phase’.
I’d love to hear your input.
Comment by SBW1962 on 13 July 2009:
FearlessCrusader, I can only speak of MY experiences. And that is what I spoke. If that is prejudice and one-sided so be it. But I don’t believe that is the case. I am one of the rare black women who WANTS marriage (at my age it’s now too late for children) and would actually prefer a white man. Having said that, I will not marry just any white man just for the sake of marrying. All the same I would not want a man, any man, who just marries me for the sake of marrying. That would be settling. No one should settle. EVER. It would make for some miserable people.
Regarding your other statements–unfortunately it is commonplace for people to have sex without marriage and not just black women. I have actually found that even Christian men (or those claiming to be) expect sex when just dating. How can they expect God’s blessings on a relationship steeped in sin? I know this may offend some people but truth is truth whether you believe it or practice it.
No, those statistics you mention do not signify any amount of progress. My observation is that everyone needs “to stop playing games and get serious about your relationships.”
Comment by homesteader on 13 July 2009:
panda ; Enjoy life as you see fit / We do as it is Our lives We have to live .
Comment by SBW1962 on 16 July 2009:
Panda, enjoy your love and your life. Unfortunately there will always be ignorant people opening their mouths and just blowing hot air. Think about the many bi-racial people who have gone far in life–President Obama, Halle Berry, Mariah Carey, Alicia Keyes, Derek Jeter, Gloria Reuben, Grant Hill, Lenny Kravitz, Lisa Bonet, Soledad O’Brian, Tiger Woods. Gosh, I could go on and on, but these are bi-racial people that had to have an identity in order to do something extraordinary with their lives.
Comment by NO PLAYER on 17 July 2009:
Panda, life is way too short to worry about what others will think. True love is one of those things that doesn’t come by too often so when it does, you’d better buckle up and enjoy the ride.
It’s all about loving and being loved that makes life worth while.
Peace
Comment by Loves2laugh on 19 July 2009:
Geez where do I even begin. I have to say I have noticed a great deal of racial stereotypes in general, not only online. My most recent encounters have been online and the mostly came from black men. Oddly enough I have had just as many black men if not more contact me then white men. I am open to all races of men to date so I welcome that whole heatedly.
I have been contaced on this site by black men who exclude black from their choices (which is fine, in fact I would rather them do so, that way I don’t waste my efforts)Anyways I am amazed at some of the conversations that I have with black men many of the black males on this site who’s profiles I have read and have had email or phone contact with are nothing less than ANTI-BLACK. One black guy contacted me (his box for black women was actually checked) and we had a few conversations, I cut off communication because I got tired of the stereotypes. He sounded like a very ignorant person who sits on a porch and says “gee look it must be true it was on TV” (spit)Our last conversation was pivotal he couldn’t understand if I was so intelligent and so nice why I didn’t have someone in my life. I must have a chip on my shoulder and be very hard to get along with. He also said here is an example of the difference between a black woman and a white woman; “if we are sitting down watching TV and I say honey can you get me a glass of water the white woman will say okay sweetheart I will be back, but the black woman will say get it yourself and will roll her eyes and neck”. IS HE SERIOUS???
I read a profile of a very attractive black man who lives in Richmond VA where I live. I always check to look at profiles in my area I don’t single out race. His profile was very stereotypical. Here is what he is looking for………..Hmm lets see a little about me hard working honest down to earth loyal and easy to please. I’m a simple guy who just wants one white woman who is down to earth looking for more than a booty call and oh this is very important who is not ghetto if I wanted a thug chick id get a blk girl if every other word out of ur mouth is cursing and swearing just hit the x. Dont care how hot u think u are we wont click other than that I’m not real picky. Oh not really in to skinny chicks no offense ladies but I’m 6′5 250 and I like a woman with some size to her not saying that its impossible for me to date someone small framed but just my preference bigger is better lol. I’m tall so if u not into tall guys I’m not ur man oh another thing if u got like a crazy baby dad or kids that dont respect u nor will they respect me I’m not ur guy. I love kids but not bad ones very big turn off lol wow guess I’m starting to sound picky guess I better end this on a lighter note I’m funloving faithful and very affectionate. I’m looking for someone I can fall in love with and cant live without not really trying to settle for someone who is ms right now but ms right P. S the less drama the better I’m laid back and not into arguing or drama I’m big on communication so I think its the key to a great relationship so thats enough rambling black women are just not my preference so if u are blk dont hit me up thanks………………………………………..
BLACK MEN is OKAY if you prefer or exclusively date out of your race. I am very confident and when I see you in public I speak to you and your mate I don’t do evil stares.
IT IS NOT OKAY to categorize myself and the myriad of other black women who cant identify with the ridiculous stereotypes that you apply to all of us unfairly.
Comment by trinichic35 on 20 July 2009:
oh boy :S
Comment by Life2go on 21 July 2009:
Ok, I know I am way late jumping in on this one and truthfully I lost patience and zoomed through many of the above posts but I think this is the most hilarious interracial dating site I have ever come across. Initially when I came here I was interested in dating a white guy, still am if he’s a good fit, but since I have been on here I have gotten more flirts from black men than anyone else!
This wouldn’t be strange if this site was specifically for interracial dating. However, like many of the users on here I am open to different types and there is no one I would disqualify simply because of ethnicity which is why I leave it open.
Another thing is I no longer flirt with White men or any other unless they either initiate and include Black/African descent in their preference or they have solely Black Women for preference and have given specific shout out to Black Women. Why? Because I believe there are many White guys on here who are interested only in Black Women that fall more into the Beyonce’/Halle Berry category than they are open to one that falls into the Gabrielle Union/Garcelle Beauvais category.
Just my thoughts.
Comment by Life2go on 21 July 2009:
Ooops I meant to summarize that what I think this all boils down to is fear of rejection. White men who are interested in Black women don’t approach us because of that fear and I now have my own fear of rejection from the White guys that don’t consider me their “type.” I’m just not willing to put myself out there like that anymore. A wise person once said “go where you are loved” and I want to expand on that by saying “go where you are shown love.” Whether a man is White, Black, Asian, or Latino - if he can’t SHOW me love then he can’t have me. Period.
One.
Comment by dolly48 on 22 July 2009:
comment to Panda,
Sorry you and your gentleman friend have to put up with so much foolishness. Follow your heart and enjoy your life.
Comment to loves2laugh,
RIGHT ON!!! I agree with a lot of your statements.
Comment by aliekatt2 on 22 July 2009:
O.k So I’m gonna do a NoPlaya and post this enourmaously long fricken (Stevie Wonder Type) Response here. (Yall no Stevie cain’t ever shut up! tee-hee)
There are some good comments on here, as well as some bad comments. Hence preference. I think this issue goes both ways.
Example one; The other day I was in Starbucks ( I live in Los Angeles and we can’t make it a day w/o it) getting my Green Tea Frapachino, and the girl at the counter asked my name and I said Alie and then stood to the side to wait for my drink.
As it was I happened to see a HOTTT! lol young man waiting for his drink as well. He had to at least be 6′4, gorgeously tanned, with big beautiful blue eyes. He checked me out, I checked him out( you know the lil eye games that men and women play).
Anyway, the girl called my name and his at the same time, but being polite I waited till he got his drink first. He left and I figured that was my lil flirtation for the day. When I got my drink, I saw that he had scribbled his name and number on my cup! (Very suave I might add lol).
Unfortunately he was only 25 years old lol. (Not a cougar yet lol, might be soon though if they keep looking like that!)
That’s usually my problem, no one believes that I’m almost 41 years old, and it seems to be only the young ones that are interested in me. However, this shows that white men are interested in light skinned women.
Albeit, there is both and upside to interracial dating as well. Second example;
Week before last on another site)
I was messaged by a guy, and he seemed nice enough and I added him as a friend (38 yrs). We did the message thing back and forth for a while, then he asked if I wanted to meet ( wasn’t really sure on that part).
Well I asked him if he read that I was mixed. Unfortunately when one is Latin, or part Latin, America seems to only think of Hispanic. But for Cubanita, Bocuia’s, Dominicanas, Costa Ricanos and the like, we consider ourselves Island people (like Jamaicans) not Hispanic.
Well this is what he wrote back to me;
IT SAYS LATINO SO, I HAVE NO PROBLEM THERE. IF YOU HAVE BLACK IN YOU I CAN’T DO IT. BE BACK THA WAY WHEN I HOOK UP WITH A DECENT JOB. SO IF YOUR BLACK PLEASE DROP ME OF YOUR FRIENDS. IF NOT KEEeP IN CONTACT AND WE WILL SEE ANY THING ISPOSSIBLE WITH
RESPECTS
This was the first time that I had ever experienced this as far as dating goes.
I was shocked, to say the least.I nearly fell off my chair. Not only could he not spell, nor did he have a job, but I have never received a message like this in my life. I grew up in the Hollywood hills, and have never experienced anything like this. Sh*t, the first real boyfriend I ever had was white!
This makes me more sad than angry, because it simply states that America is still very ingrained in its archaic beliefs, and I thank GOD that my parents didn’t believe this way, or I wouldn’t be here.
Maybe this is why I’m having such a hard time of getting my book published, because there are people like this person still out there.
So I was talking with a colleague( him white, me mixed) from work a few days ago,and we were discussing the blog I left in the wee hours of the marnin, on my website and thinking on a logical intellectual perspective. I’m still clueless as to why someone would be that blatant about race.
So my fellow teacher says that, everyone should be entitled to their preference, w/o someone seeing them as racist. And the very fact that I took it this way says that I am judging him unfairly, because it is his preference to date who he chooses.
O.k. granted, it is his preference,but to send someone a message like that still boggles my mind. Wouldn’t it have been more polite, to just simply say something like, “since we live so far away,I think it wouldn’t work?” or ” I’m never in one place for long periods of time so the long distance thing doesn’t work for me?”
There are millions of excuses that someone could use, to blow someone off without a direct reference to their race. Not to mention he asked me if I would be interested in meeting him? I never once took it outside of just an online friend.
My colleague’s answer to this was; “So you automatically assumed that he’s a racist because he has a preference?”
My answer to this; OMG! Of course not. But my Profile states clearly in the bio what I am mixed with, and unless he couldn’t read, didn’t read it, or took it on face value that because I am of a light complexion that I was full blood Mexican, because this is what Hispanic is, he’s just an idiot.
Not to mention there are several ways that one can extradite themselves from a situation like this w/o referring to race. And the simple fact that not only did he say that he couldn’t date me because I have black blood, but he told me to remove him from my friends page.
How else could one explain this? (scratches head here)
If anyone out there has a clue, please clue me in, because I can not fathom an explanation for this.
My friend had no explanation for this part either (tee-hee).
However my Alternative friend said that this is a total Hetero problem, because in the rainbow world, heart, mind and soul make all the difference, and if the person is hot that’s just a plus. He said that this is a commonly found Hetro problem, because they would never think about the person’s skin color before they dated them.
And they’re the ones who get bashed sheesh!; maybe if the Hetro world had this attitude, we’d all get along ahellva lot better.
So here is an example for both sides, and once again preference rules out. If you’re attracted to a person truly ( guy with the cup) then skin color doesn’t matter.
Comment by NO PLAYER on 23 July 2009:
@aliekatt2
I promise to try and make my point with as few words as posible in the future!
Peace!
Comment by Shotgun007 on 23 July 2009:
Well stated Olypian!!
Shotgun007
Comment by WHURR on 23 July 2009:
Those that were wondering if I was joking about the Yahoo Personals comment back in June….its quite obvious it was ajoke.
The funny thing about blogs is that people tend to get emotionally trapped in someone’s comment and take every word literal.
I love when people post a huge rebuttal or comment. It allows me to use my scroll key that is built into my touchpad. I never get to use it otherwise.
For those that take my comments verbatim and don’t understand sophomoric and facetious comments, I mean every word so …
… Yes I was paying $25 to look at 12 year olds claiming to be 18. I am massively into Asian women, ages 12-99. I use my EBT card to pay for it all. My profile is a hoax. I am actually a Nigerian scammer sitting in a cybercafe in Lagos.
Thanks. Go ahead and comment.
Comment by fkoi on 24 July 2009:
WHURR, I often wonder if I have too much time on my hands if I’m spending it reading and commenting on blogs like this one. I just might.
Comment by miri2008 on 29 July 2009:
@Alie - I love your long post - it was fun to read
The ‘remove me from your friends’ part seems a bit much… but, you know, some people on dating sites don’t like writing to people if they’ve absolutely made up their minds that it’s a ‘no go’… So, giving him the benefit of the doubt, it may just be that he’s not looking to accumulate casual friends here…
Comment by The Bride on 4 August 2009:
M.Eliot kudos to you! You make an excellent point when using Keanu Reeves as an example.
Comment by Shotgun007 on 21 August 2009:
Using “Yahoo” as a tool to measure dating preferences is like utilizing “Wikipedia” as a source on a Doctoral Thesis Paper!! Totally unreliable!!
If we want to find out which are THE most or least preferred derived solely from the perspective of dating/courtship, then why not poll Caucasian Men from various backgrounds and from many countries. Or better yet, set up Blind Focus Groups.
Makes no sense…Another dumb survey.
Comment by kagard67 on 7 September 2009:
Great posts! Very enlightening! Thank you all!