You don’t necessarily have to be on the receiving end to qualify as a victim.
Mercy, 34, grew up witnessing domestic violence. Her parents were very physical. When her dad left when she was around 7, it didn’t take long before mommy met abusive partner No.2.
Mercy’s step father was not only a physical abuser, but also an emotional one and a philanderer. He would bring his girlfriends to crash at their place. That is how low he thought of her mother and when her mum protested, he would hit her in front of his women. The final straw came when mom drew a knife on one of his women and she finally left.
Looking back, Mercy explains how vicious the cycle of domestic violence is … especially to those who witness it in their homes. Her mum’s dad (grandpa) was both an alcoholic and an extremely violent man. And what her mum was doing all along was seeking such men in a bid to try and ‘fix’ them. Problem is, she ended up being the one getting fixed with fists.
Mercy started dating at 19 and most of her relationships were full of drama. She always looked for the bad boyz because she always wondered: why would a nice man want me? Her sister also got married to a man very much like her father, even after the mum tried to talk her out of it. She dumped him after 6 months of abuse and luckily, no children were involved to pick up on their violent marriage.
The point is; children have a way of looking up to their parents … relationships included. And as they grow up into adults, they end up believing that that is how relationships between spouses should be. Most adults who were exposed to violence as children, often end up as victims or perpetrators because that is the life they know. If you are in a violent relationship, then the time to walk away is now because once the children come, you will pass the violence on to them and end up screwing their future relationships.
Domestic violence is a vicious cycle and breaking it starts with you. Abusive relationships can sap your strength and erode your self esteem. But not if you take your life back in your hands and grab your freedom. You don’t want your children growing up thinking its ok to be beaten by a spouse or beat up a spouse. GET OUT NOW! Don’t make them passive victims.
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Comment by fkoi on 11 June 2009:
That should have opened, “As in everything else…”
Comment by fkoi on 11 June 2009:
That should have opened, “Just like everything else…” Where the heck is my editor?!
Comment by starthai on 12 June 2009:
This is why I wouldn’t ever introduce someone I’m dating to my child too early. I have a 6 month to 1 year rule or longer and that’s only if I see it going somewhere. It’s best to get to know the person your dating and pay close attention to their actions, especially if you have a child. Children are too precious.
Comment by homesteader on 14 June 2009:
True Love knows no Abuse , Grown Individuals are Smarter than to Act like that .
Comment by fkoi on 23 June 2009:
Starthai, that is really wise. The reasons for not introducing our child to someone we barely know are many and solid. The only reason I can think to do so is self-serving and has no place in establishing a relationship. Part of our job is to protect them as best we can. One way to do that is to keep them out of the dating game until we have gotten to know the person we are dating. Of course since my kids are both grown and in fairly stable relationships, maybe they should be protecting me. LOL
Comment by WHURR on 18 July 2009:
The rule of thumb for dating should be…keep your kids OUT of it unless a ring going on that finger.
Plain and simple!!
You meet my kids…you might as well be checking your calendar and have a date in mind!
Comment by dolly48 on 27 July 2009:
Recently a woman in our circles was murdered along with her two sons in the DC area (I know: This could have been Anytown, USA) She was living with this man and had a child with him. He always was abusing her kids, until he MURDERED them.
Listen people, please dont let anyone abuse your children mentally or physically. Throw them out, and press charges!
Comment by nadira on 5 October 2009:
i have family members who have been in domestic abuse.
i have witness it myself, and just the thought of it make my blood run cold. i always feel sometime that i will end up like them, so relationship is just scary