We all have what I will call mild paranoia … worrying about what other people think about us. For some of us we suspect everyone must be talking about us behind our backs. “I am in an interracial relationship. What will they think?” “I am gay. What will they think?” “I am in a micro mini skirt. Could they be saying I am a tart?”
It’s normal to have negative thoughts. But sometimes, these thoughts can be blown out of proportion, leading one to interpret even the most positive of things in a negative light. Paranoid thinking cost my friend Jenna four relationships.
Whenever any one of her dudes’ friends asked about how the relationship was going, she quickly assumed that the dude might be a player and the friends just wanted to mock her. When she attended parties and saw them chatting and laughing, she thought it definitely had to be about her. “Even when my boyfriends’ pals were being friendly, I wondered whether they were being friendly or mocking me behind my back”, Jenna told me.
Jenna quit 3 relationships because of this and got dumped by one guy. That’s when she got a wake-up call. She had been giving out such cold suspicious vibes. Her last boyfriend told her she should examine her thinking. Although it made her furious, she eventually went for counseling.
Such paranoid thinking seems to be very common with people who have fragile self-esteem, obsessive tendencies or victims of abuse. This fear of being judged negatively can keep one from exploring promising relationships and can also make you appear prickly and aloof, hence bringing loneliness and hurt. Worrying so much about what people think can drive away even the closest people to you. Jenna’s boyfriend couldn’t take her jealous suspicion and criticism.
Research shows that even those assumptions made by close relationships are wrong 60% of the time. Best you ask yourself: what’s the evidence for your conclusion? Ask a third party how they would interpret the situation. Making ‘false‘assumptions about what other people think can contribute to paranoid thinking. So never jump to conclusions. At least try and ask.
Stop relating everything around you to yourself. So you constantly think your worth is questionable based on some underlying belief…YOU ARE WORTHY and your worth don’t depend on being better than others. It all depends on YOU! The best thing you can ever do for yourself is to accept that everyone makes mistakes.
And like Ellen Degeneres says, “We spend our time thinking about what other people are thinking about us, when all they are really thinking about is what we’re thinking about them.” Don’t let love pass you by just coz of your paranoid thinking… DON’T!!!
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Comment by laugh_sailor on 9 September 2009:
Ah, the Opera Singers: “Me me me me me!” Yes, people do talk about us. It’s up to us to live worthwhile, caring lives not merely so we’re held in high esteem but for fundamental personal satisfaction and happiness. It really doesn’t matter what the gossips say because they don’t count: They’re not people I care about, leading petty, destructive lives. So on the one hand, I’ve got to lead a life of worth that comes from the experiences I build with those I care for and on the other I’ve got to keep room for these wonderful people by not letting energy leeches into my life.
Treat others well and it comes back many times over… Not from the jerks but from quality folks. The Delete Button is made for the jerks and it’s the biggest filtering task in dating online for me. This dichotomy is easier if I’m aware that fully investing myself for quality connections while keeping my eyes peeled for red flags (lying, inconsistent behaviors & grammar, unfair requests, etc.) and keeping my finger over that delete button will allow me to build healthy relationships with good people and reject the bad.
Comment by WHURR on 10 September 2009:
I prefer all the buttons with sexual overtones…
INSERT - ENTER - F and U -
I guess we all have our ‘button preferences’.
Oh yeah there is something to read up top..hmmm. I have most recently did a speech in front of 7,500 in a civic center. My perception of what people say about me is ’slightly’ slanted to say the least!
Could care less! Isn’t it obvious with these semi-narcisstic, but always facetious blog postings.
Comment by NOPLAYER on 10 September 2009:
If what people say about you is false, then they should check themselves but if it’s true, then maybe you should check yourself!
Comment by miri2008 on 11 September 2009:
…hmmmm, let’s see… if you’re sane and you’re doing something that’s making you paranoid, stop doing it - you’re not comfortable with it.
Comment by homesteader on 11 September 2009:
Got to thinkin’ / When people are talking about Me or my Wife , they are waste Ting their time on Foolishness. Our lives are None of their Business .
They have Totally no knowledge of who I am or of what I have accomplished Legally throughout my Whole life .
I will say that the ones who have known me for extended periods of time have openly told others that I am an Honestman / while I was present to hear these words .
Allow them to talk behind your back as that sets a presidium of how worthless they are .
No one but you can Enjoy your own life / Feed em’ fishheads . Unless their name is signed on your Paychecks , they have nothing to say of any Importance .
Comment by katlu8984 on 12 September 2009:
In the past year, I’ve stopped caring what people think. So if they are talking about me then talk away because I don’t care. Seriously, why do we base ourselves upon what other people say.
I have a friend who does everything she can to be accepted by other people. She lets herself be taken advantage of by other people, just so she can feel like she fits in. It’s really sad. I pity people like her who spend so much time caring about what other people think. Sure other people have opinions that you may want to listen to but at least do me the favor of telling me your opinion to my face.
Comment by whurr on 13 September 2009:
I am paranoid what people think about me. Being the most popular guy on the planet is tough!
I always am checking my popularity rating. I have 2 friends on MySpace, TOM and my fake MySpace that I use to harrass and make other people paranoid about what I think about them.
Comment by Purr29 on 14 September 2009:
My take on this is that you need to have knowledge of who you are and what you want out of life. From there stems all the relationships you attract into your life. This has helped me focus and ignore those around me who do not know who they are or are not comfortable with the fact that I am different from them, and I believe that is the problem. We are not celebrating and learning from our differences, instead we are looking for copyrights of ourselves, thus we project negatively on others and they on us. Embrace you and forget those who are not comfortable with that, or not bringing in constructive energy because all they will do when you pay them any heed is try and change you into a version of themselves and you loose you in the process, not to forget how miserable you will be. Its works every single time.
Comment by Ijey04 on 15 September 2009:
I agree with miri2008. If your not comfortable, then quit. Its that simple.
Comment by Twiggyrich on 24 September 2009:
Let’s not take life tooo seriously, Live, Love and Laugh. However, I do enjoy people watchting, I like to look at the different fashion, hair and makeup that others wear, not so much as to jude others, it’s just interesting to see how others do their own thing. I think as human beings we are just courius about what others are doing, perhaps it’s something positive that we can network with one another about… I like to be in the know.
Twiggy