When girls talk and the subject is sex…

… Yes! They are talking about you.

This long tradition of girl talk that happened in high school with hugging of teddy bears and others drawing graffiti on almost anything their pens can land on still continues with women into their adult lives - while drinking champagne, in saunas or even when walking on the streets. We women love to talk about sex. Yes! We like to talk about you. As a man, if you overheard these sex tales, they would sound strange or disheartening or even filthy.

Talking about sex isn’t all that bad. While comparing notes with the girls about these adventures, we leave trails of how we feel, what we think and how we dream. Would you want to overhear these talks? Here are some of the things we talk about, why, and how you should interpret them.

What is good sex anyway? How do I know that my hot is your kind of hot? When you tell your friend you had good sex, chances are that both of you are picturing totally different scenarios. What I consider boring, my friend might call sincere, gentle love making. So, as much as we will talk about how good a man was in bed, the truth is, the best sex is the kind of sex tailored to the person you are having it with. If you love the person you are with (and not just some act or pursuit of some goal), then any act of sex can become good. Be confident and take time to learn each other, enjoy the the process of having to slow down and trying again…and again.

Sometimes a woman may talk about stuff like ‘twisting the tigers tail’ as if her pals know what she really means. Well most of us women wont admit to ignorance so we’ll be like “Oh, I love that” then Google the technique later at home. In a way our talks sometimes serve as some learning sessions where the sex guru spells out tips for her gang and these pointers later trickle into the beds (or wherever you do the did) of many. If your woman tries some technique that is so obviously newly acquired, feel free to show her how to do it better.

In terms of ‘your’ skillz, there will always be that occasional sexual ‘Spiderman’ … that man that lets her woman go first … or that one who can go at it again, and again and again. That man who is diabolically dexterous is always the talk of all women and welcome by every woman. But what’s skill without a heart to go with it? Its nothing. So if you got a new technique, break it out … but with respect for the mood and your lady’s reaction. If it aint working, let it go. Now that’s the heart.

While still on the subject of skillz, if a man’s skillz are too good, we don’t talk about it at all. I mean, what woman wants other women peering in her bedroom window for details? So if you happen to hear your girlfriend is the quiet one during sex talk, go ahead … pat yourself euphorically on the back.

Now when it comes to the naughty stories, we tell them piece by piece - just like we like our pieces of clothing peeled off - just to gauge the reaction of our audience and pulling back a little when disapproval is detected. We will go on bragging, while trying to find out if what we did is ‘legal’ in the ‘Girl’ republic. This is coz inside every one of us, there is that Amsterdam hooker in a gold thong. So we hash out the naughty stuff to the girls and then experience a crisis of confidence … Did I do the right thing? It will help a lot if you assure your lady that going out on whatever sexual limb both of you did, was worth it. And make sure she knows just how much you loved every moment of it … tell her again after 5 minutes.

Now, if you got drunk and peed on yourself, or she found someone else’s earring between the sheets or accidentally spilled Viagra like candy, she’s going to talk to someone. She will do it with her friends, mother and her blog too. So whatever it is, bring it up first and make amends if you have to or explain yourself before her friends start doing the explaining for you. Good thing is, relationships that convert disasters into bonding memories last longer. So talk to her before she starts talking to the girls.

Then there is the Oprah factor where a woman will have a conference with friends on handling a crisis. Sad thing is most don’t always end well. The other day, some women were telling their friend to leave her dude. Truth is, most of those friends of hers were filled with jealousy, pain and were unhappy in their own relationships. Most of us women play Oprah with the best intentions but our own lives get in the way. So, secretly, we transfer grudges. If you feel your woman is getting advice from too many detectives, don’t try to prove your reasoning. Instead, make her feel safe and be receptive. Once she feels good, she will open up to you.

We love Storytelling 101. What may take a man a minute to tell, a woman can tell in one hour. It will start with the gin in her martini, to how you pulled her chair…the peeling of clothes…how many times she came and how hard. This mirrors the true sense of a woman’s sexuality: EVERYTHING MATTERS! Honor the bits and pieces along the way and you will get quite a payoff.

Though we love Storytelling 101, I do have friends who never discuss their sex lives. There is nothing as powerful as a locked up secret. Much as we love to talk, there is so much i can tell about our discretion too. Plus when a woman meets the right man, she’ll always be short of words. “I don’t know. Its just … I don’t know”. Now if you can dumbfound your woman like that, then it is more achieving than any thesis-long sex tales. Coz being in love even for one night, makes us as wordless as the day we were born.

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