A Touch of Class

As the immortal George Michael once sang, sex is natural and sex is good—not everybody does it, but everybody should. I think we can all agree on that, but where men and women often differ is on the path to bed. A lot of dudes are cool with sending pictures of their Johnsons to a woman whose dating profile they like. They think, “Hey, it would turn me on if she sent me a picture of her hoo-hah. She’ll feel the same way, right?”

Wrong, bro. Wrong.

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Fellas, I know we’re all prisoners in our own skins, but you do have mothers, sisters or daughters, don’t you? Whenever you’re going to reach out to a woman—especially one you don’t know—ask yourself how your closest female relative would respond to what you’re going to say or do. If it’s some variation of “Ew!” or a slap in the face, maybe it’s not appropriate. I know your grandma doesn’t seem to have a lot in common with that curvy cutie making sexy faces on AfroRomance.com, but actually they do. They’re both ladies, and there’s only one way to treat a lady: well.

Hey, at many points in my life I’ve been in the free-love frame of mind. In a perfect world, you’d just say, “hey, baby, wanna eff like animals?” and she’d say “your place or mine?” But life is more complicated than that. You and I both know not all guys are just mellow, sex-loving sweeties who treat women with care and respect. Ladies have to protect themselves from all kinds of attacks. That’s really the only word for it. Let’s get back to your grandma—is it not an attack if some perv flashes her in the park? Well, a young and hot chick opening her email and having some random dude’s joint on her computer screen is an attack, too. Yes, to her you are a random dude and with luck, she’ll be someone’s grandma some day. So chill with the penis pix, guys—you know who you are.

Now, most of us have that straight, but there’s still a lot of “game” out there that needs to be reined in. Just assume that even though her profile makes some flirty statements and she’s got a bikini pic, she’s probably not a nymphomaniac who wants strangers to send her crude jokes and blatant come-ons. First off, nymphos can walk down the street making offers to random guys if they want to get laid that bad. Someone will take them up on it, quicker than you can. Second, we want to encourage women to be sexy, don’t we? If only ladies dressed like elementary school librarians don’t get messed with all the time, fashion trends make take a disturbing turn. Because when some clueless horndog invades a woman’s cyberspace with his lewd and leering B.S., she asks herself, “What’d I do to deserve that? Maybe I should take down that picture where you can see a hint of cleavage. Maybe I should only talk about God in my profile.”

If she’s online, she’s selective about who she spends her time with. Assuming that you actually want to succeed at seduction, don’t just blunder into her inbox with dumb pickup lines. It’s going to take at least a little bit of charm and class to convince her you’re worth a try. Think romantic, not sexy. Ask about her interests, her background, anything but her bust-line, her booty… basically, any part of her body below the neck. Trust me, that’s not gonna turn her on.

Play it cool, man. Act like you’ve had a girlfriend before. We ain’t in junior high here—you’ve had your share of action and will have some more before you’re through. Don’t be a drooling dog. Impress her with your sense of humor, your knowledge of her likes and dislikes (read the profile, don’t just look at the pictures), and most of all, your good manners. When she does invite you home, you can laugh at all the clowns who offended her and never even got a date.

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