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After 18 years of marital bliss, an interracial couple succumbs to pressure

Posted by James, 13 Jan

interracial divorceThey say you have to be courageous enough to defy all societal odds in order to make it in an interracial relationship. In the quest to marry an African woman, one Indian guy, Sadique, ended up being a lone ranger because his family was against their union.

Eventually, Sadique married his African love Maria and they had a happy marriage for 18 years (with the usual ups and downs of the institution of marriage). Sadly, he is now raising their 4 year old son – ALONE! So whatever happened to this interracial couple who back then, their relationship was the kind that only happens in fairy tale movies?

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The thing is; Sadique was determined to change the way society views interracial relationships – especially between Indians and Africans. He used to work for an exclusively Indian company and just as you guessed, his bosses had threatened to fire him because of his relationship with a black woman; calling it a scandal which might ruin the company’s reputation. But even after being told to choose between his job and love, he chose to stick with love.

His relatives told him if he married Maria, he would be considered dead to them. He still chose love. And since his relatives had no intention of being involved in their union, Sadique and Maria went ahead with their marriage, without Maria's prospective in-laws. They were blessed with 2 kids (18 years and 4).

Much as they were determined to make their relationship work, sometimes, even the strongest of souls do crack under pressure. And the constant bombardment (at work) with tales of despair about how his marriage was doomed to fail eventually started getting the best of him. "When the same thing keeps getting hammered repeatedly into your head, you come to believe in it. For 18 years of our marriage, I kept hearing from every corner I turned, how one day, I will curse the day I married an African woman."

And when the usual problems arose in their marriage, Sadique began to falter. The voices he’d ignored for years on end, suddenly became his own voices. And just like that, the issues that had made them stronger and closer over the years (the segregation, the non-acceptance of their union by family and doomed speculation) are the same issues they started fighting about. And before long, Maria had been driven over the brink. She couldn’t take it anymore so she moved back home and the eldest daughter decided to go to college abroad.

Sadique doesn’t regret his marriage to Maria. And he doesn’t believe their relationship ended because they were an interracial couple. He feels that under such immense pressure any couple can succumb.

After a whooping 18 years of bliss, was it really societal pressure that led to the end of this interracial marriage or just the usual marriage problems?

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18 responses to "After 18 years of marital bliss, an interracial couple succumbs to pressure"

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  1.   SugahRush says:
    Posted: 07 Apr 11

    Our website focuses on Inter-RACIAL Relationship challenges, yet I truly believe that Inter-CULTURAL relationships are much more difficult. In my Intercultural marriage, we shared the same views on key issues: goals, education, faith, humor, leisure, work ethic, etc. Our first 5 years together, we had a loving, supportive, passionate relationship. Upon the birth of our first child, he redefined our roles as husband, wife, mother, father. I was no longer his lover and friend, but ONLY wife & mother. Sex was still frequent, but very restrictive. Gone were romantic weekends. Instead, the kids were always included! }Trusted sitters were plentiful, and if they were called, the evenings were usually cut short or spent talking about bills, kids and work. Our conversations—ALL conversations—centered on the children. No more sharing dreams of OUR future. Whereas, we used to clean out the garage then get in the car and make love like teenagers, chores & children became “women’s work. Our romantic dinners became networking opportunities with colleagues in tow. I spoke to his sisters, parents & confidants. They were amazed at my lamentation—he was doing what he was SUPPOSED to do!! His priority was to “provide materially”. He felt that playing or camping trips with the kids was time better spent in educational pursuits. “7 Habits of Highly Successful People” was his choice for bedtime stories for our 4-8 year old children. (NO JOKE!) It took its toll. We knew everything about the kids but nothing (worth knowing) about each other. Our children grew and left—as they should, but we didn’t know each other or how to “get back to each other”. I always say “wounded animals make CRAPPY house pets”—and we were fatally wounded. The way we related to ourselves, each other; to our families & friends; even co-workers was the product of those learned traits which influence us. In this article, it seems to me that the cultural differences was like high blood pressure—few or no symptoms but the damage is usually irreparable and changes more than ONE life. Unlike, race/melanin, it can be overcome, but culture can blind us to the VALUE of differences of others. It takes a concerted effort, caring and awareness to keep our culture under control.

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  2.   EddyReady/BigTen says:
    Posted: 08 Feb 11

    I like the way everybody is saying,so sad, IF TRUE ! I could be wrong but i just don't see this happing with a couple that has been together 18 years and has 2 children for the reasons stated in the story.I think James is writting fiction,NOT THE TRUTH ! EddyReady

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  3.   Lovelife80 says:
    Posted: 06 Feb 11

    How sad! If this' true, i'd hate to be in her shoes. I have been in relationships with black and white men alike, and the truth is, if there is no true love, it just does not last. I mean, if they did, why would we be on this website? But you truly have to love someone especially if you embark on an interracial relationship!!!!!!!!!!! Good luck to us all - that are still searching for TRUE LOVE.

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  4.   sapphire12 says:
    Posted: 03 Feb 11

    my heart bleeds for this couple.....i really just feel like crying here in the quiet of my room. Why i think? People are what makes the world go round and i so wish they had people who so loved them and could have enhanced them both. SAD My story is this i worked with an Indian Asian man who pursued me for 2 years. I am dark brown carib so - i guess i would be viewed as an untouchable by Indian standards. :-) One day he took my arm and matched it against his and he said " you bleed and so do i and if two people need to be with each other the world should not dictate" Unfortunately for me because of the great injustices and racism practiced by the Asian culture i had to think about later down the line, yes the years to come when maybe like this man & woman no longer being able to face the isolation, face the crowds and evil waggin tongues - but thank God they lasted 18 years... But damn! why didnt they move away from such haters within that family???? I wish them both the best for the future what ever choices they make.

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  5.   Mzforreal says:
    Posted: 28 Jan 11

    It is truly sad to see that we are living in a soceity where color is a factor. Love should have no color, size, or shape. It should be whats in the heart. When I cut my arm my blood is the same color as anyone else. I thought that this nation would have put all of the predjuices aside since we do have a black president but it seems as though it has gotten worse and that is ashame. When I find the right one I will not let anyone come and ruin that love I dont care if he is red, white, blue, or green society is not going to decide my happiness. Barack Obama 2012

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  6.   morenavella says:
    Posted: 25 Jan 11

    I cannot believe it! With this story, I guess my pastor had a point when he said that : ''one has to know where they came from in order to deal.'' If you don't know your history as a race you would not be able to deal w/ what's to come. We are all mutts and therefore so are Indians. We are all no longer pure breeds and once we realize what cause and events took place that got us to who we are after mixing all these years, we will finally understand that our family tree is more extensive that what we thought. I am a mutt, ( * 45 % Arawak Indian , * 25 % Carib ,* 15 % French, * 10 % English, * 5 % Spanish, also some few words from African languages.) speak the language(Garifuna) and proud of it. Born in Honduras where most people believe that it is just a Spanish speaking country and still a little bit un-excepting even though we had been there longer than them... MY point is that I, knowing these things help me to not take racism literally because I will truly be able to say that they are indeed BLIND and IGNORANT to who THEY are! As far as the above couple in the story, they should have done the math, then they would have a profound mutual understanding of who they are and what they are getting into, 18yrs w/ nothing to show but 2 lovely children who have parents teaching them that it is not okay that two human beings from to distinct background can be one . Knowledge is key, people!

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  7.   friendly13 says:
    Posted: 22 Jan 11

    From the outside looking in and hearing only one side of the story, it looks to me like his wife had her own selfish issues to deal with. Sometimes an interracial couple must hide their relationship from people who might hurt them. I knew a white woman who stopped putting pictures of her mixed children up because employers kept hassling her and causing her to quit. Not everyone is up for the court battles and all of the public drama that brings. It is ideal when the couple says "to hell with what people think" when they are also willing to be fired from their job. But in reality, most of us just cannot do that. That is when one member of the couple needs to understand when the spouse says "maybe we need to lay low about our relationship so I can keep the job that provides for us to live." Hurt feelings are a reality in any relationship not just interracial relationships. I'd rather lay low than to cause the one I love to lose his job.

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  8.   nafahamu says:
    Posted: 20 Jan 11

    Sad, if true. I'm 37 and have worked for many companies in my adult life, and there isn't one single company that I'd allow to dictate what I did outside of that work... period! As for family... If you don't like it then tough, you made YOUR choices, and I'm old enough to make mine. Love conquers all, or so it should.

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  9.   natpo says:
    Posted: 19 Jan 11

    I agree with white bunny...

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  10.   xwhitebunnyx says:
    Posted: 18 Jan 11

    No matter where you go, there are always the few people that have a problem with interracial dating. I don't believe it matters what color you are or where you come from, if you can find someone that completes your life and makes you happy; do it!

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  11.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 17 Jan 11

    natpo I agree with you, it sounds like Mr. Sidique punked out when the going got tough, instead of holding on tighter to his wife and fighting for the marriage he caved in under pressure. On of the things a bout being an adult is you can make your own decisions without the approval of others and that includes parents, somewhere in the Bible it says," and a man shall leave his mother and father and join unto his wife"! It's something so sacred about the bond between a man and his wife that God stated that a man sooner or later will leave his family and join onto his wife, so if God don't have a problem with me marry the one I choose then who gives a sh*t about what mama or anyone else in the family has to say, I know I didn't and still don't. (not that my folks had issues with my IR marriage) It boils down to the man having the balls to hold on to his conviction and stand up for his marriage and he didn't, what a punk-a**!

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  12.   natpo says:
    Posted: 17 Jan 11

    I think that Sadique should have acknowledged that he deserved a mutual respect from his employer and co-workers regarding his personal life---the same way that he handled his family. He should have realized that he needed to change his work environment due to their concerns, and chalked it up to experience. This man had 18 years to find an employer that embraced ethnic diversity and/or had no opinion either way. It sounds like he messed up. Maybe the additional pressure impacted his feelings of losing his Indian family once they started having serious relationship problems, and he felt like he gave up enough. Maybe he didn't believe that people would be so shallow, and that extra hurdles are always going to exist when in an interracial relationship ,especially, as it concerns Black and White.

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  13.   neveahmori says:
    Posted: 15 Jan 11

    Who is this James anyway? (the author of this article)... Unless he is the actual Sadique himself... This could very likely be a hater of interracial dating; you know, one of those people who refuse to acknoweledge deep down that times are changing and that it is much more acceptable to date interracially where black is involved.... There were days were you would be arrested and just literally be an outcast for even going there... you did not have to even go as far as dating a black person... you just had to be black and try sitting down in a bus to get arrested... But thank God these are not those Rosa Parks days.... we are in a different era where it is by far much more acceptable & it has become more embraced in society... Without a doubt there is still alittle ways to go to get to the 100% acceptance but it is slowly getting there.. I am just thaking God that i live in this day and age and not in grandma and mama's days.. But my point is.. THE AUTHOR OF THIS ARTICLE NEEDS TO TAKE HIS HATE BACK INTO HIS HEART AND SOUL AND LET IT STAY THERE OR TAKE IT TO A DIFFERENT SITE... Let's continue with the optimism of this site and continue the search for love across interacial lines which is why we are here.. lets disregard those haters and people who try to bring us down and discourage everyone simply because of their shallow minded ignorance....

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  14.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 15 Jan 11

    This story shows the importance of really getting to know not only the person but their native cultural dictates when it comes to marriage and relationships. In most Asian cultures they tend not to marry outside their ethnic group and in some cases those who do face great opposition from they're friends and families. I think Sidiques' ties to his family and culture where alot stronger than the bond to his marriage. You have to bear in mind that in eastern cultures the concept of rugged individualism (I'll do my own thang) is a diviation from the norm. Tradition, family ties and long standing values take priority over an individuals' wants and wishes and this includes romance. I can understand the wife's fustration because she could sense that her husband was caving in under the weight instead of standing strong and so I'm sure she felt that he didn't love her as much and as a result she put him out of his misery and left. In our quest for love we cant ignore people's deeply ingrained values and traditions because people can burry them if they want but sooner or later they'll come to the surface and you may not like what you see. So look before you leap

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    • CHOCluvaONLY says:
      Posted: 18 Feb 11

      THANK YOU NEVEAHMORI!!!..i agree with you (referring to ur comments about haters of interratial couples) ..i only date a blk man...its just my preference...which is my right as a human being...! and i hate it when the world tries to make us feel we are wrong in whom we love. i dont care wat world thinks im gonna luv my man no matter wat....its my life and his. everytime i see a white man and his "queen",,wat he calls his blk woman...i luv it!...i just smile....i thinks its great........mine calls me his QUEEN also....so the haters need to just keep their racists comments and slurs to themselves.......let everyone luv whom they want...........have blessed day!!

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  15.   sum12love says:
    Posted: 13 Jan 11

    What a sad story! It drives home the point that we all have to be extremely careful about what voices we listen to. This story may have had a different ending if Sadique had surrounded himself with positive, supportive individuals instead of remaining in the company of those who were waiting to see him fail. Sometimes taking a stand for your love and your family means that you have to leave all that is familar (and negative) behind and make a whole new start. It won't be easy but your love and determination to make it together will prevail in the end.

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