Are these good enough reasons to date White men?
Surfing the net the other day, I came across an article “8 Reasons to Date a White Man” by LaShaun Williams where she furnishes black women with reasons to date white men. The article has sparked off some interesting responses and arguments to say the least.
Below are the reasons she gives:
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- "They open wide instead of down low" – She feels white men are open about their sexuality which saves so much time while looking for love instead of trying to guess whether the man you are into is gay or not.
- "Not looking for someone to take care of them" – because they come from strong family backgrounds. Because most African Americans are raised by single women, she feels they suffer from the Baby Boy movie theory - expecting to be taken care of by the woman in his relationship, just as the mother did.
- "Attend and graduate from college" - Since relatively fewer black men attend and graduate from college, women with degrees intimidate them – and white men aren't since they value education.
- "At least attempt to marry before making babies" - Apparently, white men have fewer children out of wedlock. To put it in her words, “White men just don’t have children sprinkled all over the world like Black men. And, if they do, most of them were married to the mother at some point. Sure, they divorce but you can only divorce if you at least attempt a marriage.”
- "They don’t glamorize ignorance" - White men may listen to rap music and it just ends at listening … they don’t live the rap life. They don’t let thug life define their manhood. They know exactly what does.
- "Financial planning and stability" – She feels that black men are all about flaunting more than they have where as white men are better at investing and saving it.
- "Have the ability to look beyond your past" - No matter how promiscuous you may have been in the past, most white men won’t let it affect their present or future. “They have no problem turning a hoe into a housewife.”
- "Don’t take everything as a challenge to their masculinity" - White men aren't intimidated by a strong black woman… her education and ambition isn't a threat to their manhood. They see strong women as their teammates.
The thing is, most of the reasons she gives for not dating a Black man are actually reasons not to date any man – no matter the race – who behaves that way. I believe there are equally focused Black men who are looking for an equally focused and loving woman. Plus not every boy child that grows up without a man present at home will suffer from the Baby Boy syndrome. Some turn out just fine.
Much as some of her points are true, I don't think its fair to blame and lump all black men with a few bad ones when citing reasons why most black women are single. Its not just about finding good Black men. Its all about finding a good person or spouse (something that isn't entirely exclusive to Black men).
Much as LaShaun is advocating interracial dating, I think painting the picture that Black men are wack is the wrong way to go about it. Plus we all have our flaws and our flaws aren't brought about by our races so swearing off all Black men like this only overstretches the negative stereotypes about Black men - and as we all know, these are just but opinions...
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65 responses to "Are these good enough reasons to date White men?"
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2old2b_here says:Posted: 06 May 11my statement could mean that Im not in the right social circle to see more prominant black males.up front let me admit that there are exceptions to all things and I speak from 66 years of association.I have many black male friends they far outweigh the white. I laughingly say " there is no monoganism in you " to all of them and they do agree.we are still friends.by majority the white male is truer to real love and the bond that holds that love together is faithfullness to just one women, her. I have never seen a woman white or black love a man she could not respect.
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Romina19 says:Posted: 29 Dec 10She is obviously stereotyping because not all white men are like this and not all black men are how she listed above. Yes some of the things she mentioned are true, but not all of them are enough to date white men.
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kissime says:Posted: 01 Dec 10Viator1, I do agree with, Friendly13. Stay on the internet- 'cause it's cold in Illinois (29 degrees as of this minute), and I just don't see myself hiding behind rocks by the lake 'till the spring. And hopefully I'll meet a nice gentleman such as yourself whose ready for a real relationship hibernating for the winter in the internet ;).
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Friendly13 says:Posted: 30 Nov 10
@ Viator1 Stay on the internet site babe. Just make sure you are careful and screen who you select to date and consider for a mate and you will be okay.
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Friendly13 says:Posted: 30 Nov 10
Retraction: I said "I have two black sons and I struggle to make society treat them with the same dignity and respect as given to other black sons" I meant to day "I have two black sons and I struggle to make society treat them with the same dignity and respect as given to other sons who are not black"
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Friendly13 says:Posted: 30 Nov 10
As much as the reasons to date black men may stir some anger in many black men they are in my opinion true. Along with some of my experiences they also prove consistent. However, I must give this input....many may not accept the fact that there are social reasons in this society that lend to the reason that some black men struggle in this society. I believe though that the social ills are beginning to spread among the races. I think this will give some of the black men more leverage to climb out of the slump. I have two black sons and I struggle to make society treat them with the same dignity and respect as given to other black sons. Black men don't see it as a strike at you. Know that black women see your struggle. However, in your struggle I believe that the appreciation that black women need and want suffers because of your pain. White men have had an advantage for a long time. I don't feel that I am supposed to remain without a suitable mate while waiting for the black man to take back what was stolen from him along time ago. The black man is strong enough to do that. The black man also has choices now open to him that were once taboo. I think that both black men and women should explore beyond the color line. Black women do need to understand very clearly the reasons that white men are good considerations for them. White men are looking for us and finally they are finding us and giving us the long derserved love we have been searching for. Black men should not focus on our new choices but start considering and relishing their own.
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viator1 says:Posted: 27 Nov 10Personally, I think it's great that more and more people are dating who they are attracted to regardless of ethnicity. However, I didn't really come here for that. I have a bit of an agenda myself. Hopefully, this will be somewhat related, but I just couldn't find the perfect topic. A little background: I am 47 years old, as I write this, sucessful single white male, living in ortland, Oregon, USA. What I would like advice on is where does a guy, who isn't 20-30 something, go to find these beautiful creatures? I have scowered the internet looking for clues to their weekend migrations to no avail. I even looked at the census demographics to find likely neighborhoods when I might haunt in the hope of a conversation :) Where does a guy like me need to know about finding women of ethnicity? What should I search for in and around my city? Any advice? Andrew
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shotgun007 says:Posted: 27 Nov 10
Viator1, I would probably start exactly where you left off....looking at census or demographics on larger cities and check out that areas racial makeup. For example, I just moved from Memphis TN to MD, where Memphis is over 63% black, so quite naturally you will find more black women in this area. Good luck on your search.
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kissime says:Posted: 29 Nov 10
You may find her by the lake behind the rocks on a mid summer - late after noon or mid morning. I love sitting on the rocks--hiding from the world-lost in the sky... imagining where I would be if not on earth. Kissime. To you, viator1
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s_b_f says:Posted: 24 Nov 10Wow all i can say is no matter what race most men are the same,there are good and bad characteristics about every individual man, regardless of what race they are.
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EDDYREADY/BIGTEN says:Posted: 25 Nov 10THAT IS SO TRUE,S_B_F.EVEN THOUGH THERE ARE PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT RACES IN THE WORLD OUR HEARTS ARE ALL THE SAME.YOU EITHER CARE OR DON'T CARE OR DO NOT WANT TO CHANGE!
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Bellady says:Posted: 13 Nov 10Hi, I am sorry I am going to have agree with the author here. I don't like to date black men at all. I really had dated all races and the one race I don't like to date is a black man. They are liars, broke, stupid, no morales and no respect for black women. White men are fun, caring, don't mind spending money, educated and also great in bed. To my sisters -leave them black men and go get you a real white man. Once you go white you won't ever go back black. Also interracial babies are cute!!!
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EDDYREADY/BIGTEN says:Posted: 14 Nov 10
THANK YOU BELLADY,YOUR COMMENTS MAKE THE WHITE MAN FEEL PROUD! WE JUST TRY TO BE OURSELF'S.ONCE YOU GO WHITE YOU FINALLY GET IT RIGHT,BUT THERE ARE BLACK MEN THAT KNOW HOW TO TREAT BLACK WOMEN.THEY ARE NOT ALL BAD.
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kissime says:Posted: 10 Nov 10
Soltis, you're absolutely right. It's unfortunate how some are borne in holes of pain. I'm not justifying bad behaviors. What you are borne to is deeply engraved in your soul. Some are borne depressed and are lost to what is right--no matter the race. However, the article is about black men. As you've written "Blk man with little to no education, raised in a violent environment, subjected to random and frequent police searches which cause degradation and belittlement in their neighborhood unless they go hard, low self-esteem from continuous reinforcement of their lack of self-worth and/or physical abuse" But to anyone with none to little contact with black men--when an article such as this surface, it is easily seen as all black men. But remember with the black men we are and will always be the black women. I remember taking my son to the park as I do everyday in the summer--I met this little boy. He was a little terror. The parents were quick to leave the park once they saw him. He looked about 8 years old, but he was actually 12. He was loud & obnoxious. He craved attention. The day he grabbed my 3 year old son @ the time by his collar-- I had a talk with him. After telling him not to ever do that again, I saw something in his eyes besides the obvious. He definitely was in pain. A few days later he was at the park-again. I thought, " great, not this little devil" But he kept trying to empress me and being so kind to my son. I noticed. I started talking to him, and after the positive reinforcements, he just shined. He couldn't believe anything I told him he could be & would be. He was shocked. Well, I stopped going to that park :) We live in a very nice area, but that park was a border line. Many come to escape, but sadly, but truly ends up contaminating. I found out from a neighbor, that little boy's mother is a drug addict, his father--no one knows. His grandmother is raising him but she works, and he is left to raise himself with some young relatives. I swear, every time I saw him after our talk he was well behaved. He may be putting on a show, I don't know. All I know is I have yet to witness wrong during from him ever since. It's amazing what a little positive talk can do. ...just a bit is all.
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Soltis says:Posted: 09 Nov 10The article has a lot of truth and misconceptions the focus is on the Blk man with little to no education, raised in a violent environment, subjected to random and frequent police searches which cause degradation and belittlement in their neighborhood unless they go hard, low self-esteem from continuous reinforcement of their lack of self-worth and/or physical abuse. There is a destructive problem that needs to be addressed...exposure to a different segment of society would be an eye opener...not just looking from the outside in but from the inside out. This saying by Jim Rohn, motivational speaker and self help guru (revised), "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with, including yourself”. Could not be more accurate on this subject, however, the audience who needs it most is not listening or doesn't know where to look!
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bamabelle says:Posted: 09 Nov 10
I love black men; they are what I am most attracted to. I am on this site because having turned 33 yesterday I realize if I am going to grow my one woman team into a family I must expand my search to include other ethnicities. I know plenty of good black men that contradict everything said in the above article (they are all married, in LT relationships, or related to me). I have even asked them to point me in the direction of a single brotha that they would recommend I date. Most of them couldn’t think of a single available black man that was seemingly “relationship material.” Wow, now that speaks volumes to me! I have several friends (black woman) that are ALL in the same boat! They are single, with no kids, educated, and gainfully employed, home owners with no prospects. It is an epidemic in my opinion! I honestly feel like the few endangered black men left out there don’t even want to date black woman! Shameful since most of them have been raised by a single strong black woman. I still keep hope alive that I will find a person that is as deserving of a good companion as I am and that we can agree to love and cherish one another—I also hope that he is black, but if he comes in another variety I will be open and ready to receive him just as he is!
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Lvly71 says:Posted: 09 Nov 10
What a wonderful article, could not have said it better myself. I am a African American Women that have mostly dated outside my race. But I must say, White men have their issues as well. To be able to find a good black man is like trying to find a needle in a hay stack.
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Cynamyn82 says:Posted: 08 Nov 10
I have read this article before. A lot of it is true, but I would not use it as holy grail or anything like that. I just laughed and carried on about my business. Date who you are attracted to folks. Your reasons to date whatever race of men is YOUR business, only. Let others wonder all they want.
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knackname says:Posted: 08 Nov 10Let us take the "black" and "white" out of this discussion! This in itself is racism? By continually injecting race into our decisions, conversations, debates and preferences ....... we only strengthen its hold on us. The question is "Is HE a man of principles and good character"? "Is SHE a woman of principles and good character?" Those are the real issues ........ THE INTEGRITY OF THE INDIVIDUAL IS NOT DETERMINED NOR DEFINED BY THEIR RACE ! ! ! !
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kissime says:Posted: 02 Nov 10
I don't think any race is better than another. I know people are individuals. I've met people of the same race with nothing in common. Different cultures makes a big difference on attraction as well. It all depends on upbringing, environment, opportunity, and what type of a person one wants to be once reach adulthood, and other circumstances. Different cultures makes a big difference on attraction as well. Let's try to change the word for the better as a people.
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kissime says:Posted: 24 Oct 10
Invictus Out of the night that covers me, Black as the Pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds, and shall find, me unafraid. It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul. William Ernest Henley 1875
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serenity33 says:Posted: 25 Oct 10Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
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serenity33 says:Posted: 27 Oct 10
I gave my heart to seek and search out by wisdom concerning all things that are done under heaven: this sore travail hath been given to humankind to be exercised therewith. I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit. That which is crooked cannot be made straight: and that which is wanting cannot be numbered. I communed with mine own heart, saying, Lo, I am come to great estate, and have gotten more wisdom than all they that have been before me in the world: yea, my heart had great experience of wisdom and knowledge. And I gave my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly: I perceived that this also is vexation of spirit. For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow. I know that sorrow deeply and greatly.
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T2Deth says:Posted: 24 Oct 10Truth is truth and the plain and simple fact is speak yours and move on. If no one is personally and directly attacking you here then RELAX. RELATE RELEASE. (in REVERSE if need be..LOL). As much is evident by how women of color (especially any woman with any degree of "black"in her) are often put down as the lowest of the low by much of society I think the above article must be taken with a grain of salt. The REAL MEN amongst the population WILL recognize the deep hurt that more than likely fuels such rants. But like many sisters here have already said, DENIAL of a very real situation WON'T make it disappear. If you are NOT an offender then you shouldn't be that defensive....PERIOD. Just realize that there are individuals that manifest these qualities and continue to BE WHO YOU ARE...if you are as "good" as you say you are then this woman's issues should not be of any major concern to you (other than as a compassionate human being) Peace and Blessings
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mandee34 says:Posted: 24 Oct 10
Yes there is problems within the black community but there problems in any racial community. I believe this article is going overboard. Wow, this is just a way to cause division between a racial group of people. I think we should be on here trying to find a compabtible mate irregardless of the race. This is too much. I love black men and all men. I'm just trying to find that good one for me. Who goes out lookng for a white guy because the black guy isn't measuring up. It shouldn't be about color or race. He could be Asian, Hispanic who gives a rats butt.
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thickness27 says:Posted: 24 Oct 10This article is sad but has truth in it. I love my father, and brothers(all BM), and if a black man approaches me that does not possess these pitiful qualities, I will date him. But black women should not have to settle or make ourselves bitter just for the sake of having a man. No one is saying other men don't have kids out of wedlock, on the downlow, bad credit, poorly educated, want a woman to take care of them etc. We are saying it is happening ALOT MORE Often in the black community of men. And it does hurt to see these statistics. President Obama is a wonderful example for Black men to follow. dricks thank you, for posting factual information on this issue. I agree that black men mentality are a mess. So when BW stick around(which most do), we become hardened, angry, bitter, and scorned. Naturally, the next man will face baggage she now holds as a result of the pain the last BM caused. Examples, the last 3 men I dated were Black. 1. Good guy, hardworker/job, good father. BUT he doesnt understand the value of a woman. Was trying to date me and a hoodrat.lol She and I are like night and day, but he couldn't commit to me. Bye Bye 2. This guy had a job, but quit. Started hanging in the streets/panhandeling, couldn't stand to pay a bill. Starting calling me B*&^%, smoke drugs all day, BYE BYE to him. 3. Last one, OOO WEE he was good in the bedroom. But thats all. lol Lost his job, so started treating me like crap, Has been married three times, does take care of kids though. Admitted he was intimidated because I work and he does not. Bye Bye to him. So, I am not angry/bitter, just moving on!!
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kissime says:Posted: 23 Oct 10
~Quantity and Quality~ Know the difference between the two. If you’re looking for love you may get lost in online dating especially if you’re indecisive by nature, have the mentality of the grass is greener on the other side or you’re easily astray, usually by persuasion or false promises. . Online dating to me is very similar to traditional dating. the latter is more appealing to me because of location- it will never be a problem because most of the time, you are acquainted at parties, social events, and other happenings just around the city. Try not to get caught in the idea of having so many options. In reality you may not have so many options; not when you’re in search of QUALITY. Some may not be in a hurry to claim love. But for the ones that are ready but have gotten twisted in the chaos: Do you notice how disposable you have made human beings including yourselves? It seems most have absolutely no value for the human lives. No substance. It’s just so easy to disappear…unbelievable. Running from one end to another. Not taking the time to breathe & focusing on the truth. No humane connections. But the worst of animal instincts in heat. You must make time to build what you want. In Reality When it Comes to what is most important we must prioritize. We are not robots. We Feel, We Hurt, We Cry, We Laugh. We have deeper meanings. In reality we do not have that many option. When it comes to love, True Love: the word option is a delusional state of mine. Cyber love, cyber sex, cyber connection is: CYBER. It is not real–what I know for a fact deep inside of us we crave love-a meaningful connection which will grow and will be greener with gentle care . Really think of this: How long have we been “DATING” ? We meet & we’re right back on the dating scene. Oh it didn’t work out. Did we really make an effort? No. Try blaming it on fear or whatever. The truth is most do not have values. Everything come so easily. A closet full of clothes some with tags , yet has nothing to wear. I can have a slice of bread slightly buttered and I’ll be full. But some need a loaf with extra butter. Yes, it is glutton in every sense. But when our vehicle needs gas we fill it. Is it because we need it to get where we need to? Absolutely. But it can also mean because we know how to take care of something. I drive a 1997 Jeep. I love my jeep. My son tells me he’ll buy me a new one because he sees its faults. Can I purchase a new one? Absolutely. But I don’t need a new one. It’s still working. It gets me from point A to B. It takes care of me, I take care of it. Please stop insulting people you know nothing of. Every race has its goodness. We are all individuals. We must proceed with a healthier state of mind. @dricks I definitely agree with you on we must face the truth and be honest with ourselves in order succeed. We are all of Flesh and Blood.
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serenity33 says:Posted: 24 Oct 10
Well regardless of what race of man has those negative traits, they are good indicators of the type of men to stay away from. So I am not going to comment on whether it is more a black thing or not but just say that any man that acts this way should be avoided, period.;-)
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dricks says:Posted: 23 Oct 10@Mayo45 Your "Well thats only from your experience" response is so typical and non progressive. And its so sad that you actually think your helping the situation and helping black men by attempting to hide this dirty laundry that black ppl have needed to clean up for a while now. We can't hide it anymore because the stench has already filled the room you can smell it on the radio, in the embarrassingly low marriage rates amongst blacks, on BET, when you go to the store or go out for a drink....the funk is everywhere! As long as you run away from the truth you wont help the many black brothers who have these traits. Running away and denying the problem is not the answer. But facing it is. If I am speaking ONLY from my experience then why are so many black women AND black men who are not in denial saying the same thing? Either you are in denial or everybody who speaks on the issue is crazy and has some type of hidden reason to say there are serious issues with black men. When alot of ppl are saying thing same thing there has to be something to the issue. Check this out: http://afp.google.com/article/ALeqM5iyFi4-jlbccgA2qM5q5gibMCUjQw (so why would he single out black men?...well because it is once again OBVIOUS that there are issues with this specific group of men MORE than men of other races) And if it makes you feel better I see that there are some issues that are more common in black women then in women of other races...and to my sensitive sisters I am not say ALL black women but MANY...some of these are : 1. control issues 2. extra independant 3. bitterness towards men Once again I think there is a reason for everything...and the reason why MANY black women possess three characteristics is because it is a defense mechanism to not being hurt. Many confused men = many hurt women = serious issues within Many of us settle for less then the best and then harden ourselves up to deal with the less then the best situation. Many women take the FACT that MANY black men are confused and give up by saying ALL black men are the same. And because they begin to believe that ALL black men are the same , they suit themselves up for a no good man everytime. The only way to suit yourself up for someone who is no good is to go outside of your womanly character by being...controlling, irrationally independant and bitter, that way you don't open up your heart for the hurt. So the question is: Well why don't these black women just heal up and wait for the decent black man? Well the key is that decency amongst black men is so rare that these women feel like they will be waiting forever if they wait for someone good. And this type of closed minded thinking is where many black women make the first mistake....the truth is that although RARE good black men do exist...but the key is that no good person wants someone who is bitter, so by doing so you could miss out on someone who is good. So thats why I agree with LaShaun about opening up the dating pool. If black women open up their dating pool and minds...then the desperation for a man will not be so strong to where potentially good black women become ruined with bitterness and control issues. So if they do happen to run into a decent black man they will not push him away by the baggage they have collected from not healing up and settling all the time for the MANY losers who fit the characteristics that LaShuan mentioned. So it almost like which ever man she connects with and treats her like she should be treated first wins whether he be black or whatever race. Again this is not at all canceling out good black brothers but only helping to keep black women from being ruined by bitterness from the many black men who posses these characteristics that she mentioned. Also Check the sites below out ...at MAYO45 these are not sites that I made up "from my own experience"...its just reality..so face it...try to influence other black men to be more like you instead of covering the OBVIOUS fact that there is a problem....all you are doing is hurting these confused brothers instead of enlightening them....I am a woman and I cannot teach a man how to be a man....but you have the power to do so...so do it ...instead of denying the problem: http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2008/08/09/study-black-man-and-white-felon-same-chances-for-hire/ http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1077/is_1_59/ai_110361377/ http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/20/national/20blackmen.html (this is PART (not the ONLY reason...gotta be clear for the sensitive lol) of the reason why black men tend to try to prove their manhood in many times damaging ways) http://black-misogynist.blogspot.com/2006/09/black-american-male.html This article is interesting because it explains kind of what I am talking about about how black women who settle and advocate black men who are no good is part of the reason why many black men continue to act this way...unfortunately black society tends to support the confused black man more than they do the black gentleman...this is a key difference between African American culture and White American culture. Although the white american population does indeed have men who possess the above characteristics...these men are not glorified like they are in black society. Which is the reason why you have way more black men who act like the above because no one ever told them it was wrong and they are looked at as heros instead of fools... http://afp.google.com/article/ALeqM5iyFi4-jlbccgA2qM5q5gibMCUjQw Once again I honestly don't think the situation is totally the black mans fault, alot of it is society. Its almost like blacks are confused as a ppl. Historically black men (our heads of households) have been weakened. Its not that I am saying ALL black men have these traits but I am saying the MAJORITY do. And I tried to make my last comment as general and logical as possible so that it would be obvious that what I am saying is not just coming from my experiences but everyone's experience, I mean just open your eyes and look. It would be silly of me to say all of this just because of the relationships I have been in because it could be something about me that is attracting the wrong type of men. No one can put all people in one category and that is not what I am doing, I am just not afraid to stand up for the truth and what reality is. Also MAYO45 you need to look at it with an open mind instead of being on defense. Look at it like this...nothing that I am saying will affect a black man who does not have the above characteristics, it will only help him because no longer will there be so many black women who are "extra independant", controlling, bitter, desperate and insecure because of the scars that they have from the many black men that have these characteristics. So it will help everyone. Also the reasons that LaShuan gave were "Reason TO date White Men" and NOT "Reasons to ONLY Date White Men", so she is basically saying that black women need to open up their dating pool. And also I am not saying that these characteristics can be found only in black men....because believe me I know that men of all races can have them. But my point is that these SPECIFIC characteristics are VERY common in black men more than others...its almost like if you could somehow take some statistics on the issue and tried to figure the percentage, 9 out of 10 black men would have these SPECIFIC characteristics and maybe 5 or 6 out of 10 men of other races would have them. Look at the marriage rates among blacks vs whites....and yes the divorce rate is high but black ppl don't even get married to get divorced. Its like we don't even try. From my long comments and explanations its should be apparent that analyzing and trying to better African American Society has always been my interest and my passion since I was very young like 12 years old. So this not coming from the stereotypical bitter black woman who hates the black man and thinks that White men are better. But is it is coming from a woman who likes and wants to see black ppl progress. All i want is to see just as many loving and healthy relationships amongst our people as you see in ppl of other races. Always having an open mind means that you always face reality regardless of how ugly reality is and you don't close your mind up just because the truth isn't what you would prefer it to be. The key is this....black women opening up their dating pool = less desperation= less bitterness = smiling and glowing women of color = a woman fit for ANY good man (regardless of color , MEANING GOOD BLACK MEN ALSO..lol I have to be very clear for the sensitive folks MAYO45) = the many black men who do have these negative characteristics not getting any "play"= the MANY black men who are confused and do have these characteristics having more reason to be a better man = a better Black society and stronger black families = positivity and progression....and thats all there is to the equation ;-)..this is reality. End of Essay lol... and to ALL on this blog I wish ya much ...Peace, Love, No Denial and Lots of PROGRESSION...because thats the only way to be ;-) - Darra E. Ricks
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rarestgold says:Posted: 23 Oct 10
I'm not bitter and don't hate Black man but, let's face it, many of them suffer from the attributes mentioned here. Sad but true. She didn't make this stuff up. Reality hurts sometimes.
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prize55 says:Posted: 22 Oct 10
It seemd LaShaun is frustrated with dating men of color. She also sounds immature. She has not spoken to wifes,ex-wifes or ex-girlfriends/baby mama's of white men. I have worked for 30 years in a male domaination career and I can tell you white men are just as bad with the list. I was married to a white man for 13 years and the marriage ended because of reasons # 2,5, and 7. After the divorce he added #4. He spends about 2 hours a year with our son...he lives 30 mins away. Race is not within your control....it does not define who you are, your heart and mind defines who you are!!!
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Mayo45 says:Posted: 22 Oct 10
@ prize55 Well said my sister, thanks.
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Mayo45 says:Posted: 24 Oct 10
@ prize55 those ratings are a snap shot of how divided we are as a race. Its sad. If I just agree with you folks go out there way to disagree to get the comment remove. Thats exactly whats happened to Blackmen in SOME black women lives. They refuse to except anything outside of their own thinking and wonder why most black men that they encounter don't want to be bothered. They are stuck in a hole with others just like them. So I wish you all happy blogging, this is my last. Like other brothers I really don't want to be bothered with some people. For yourself and other good sisters I would encourage you to keep up the good work, and I pray that you find happiness forever more.
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dricks says:Posted: 25 Oct 10
lol....okay...I give up...there are no serious issues with black males - all the government statistics on African Americans are fixed - every black woman on here is just controlling and closed minded - all of the wedlock percentages and incarceration percentages about African Americans are made up - there is no constant disrespect towards black women from black men in music popular amongst blacks - Black men do marry just as much as men of other races - Black men today have the same values a black men did 50 years ago and Obama was just being an extremist when he singled out black men stating that more of them need to act like men I mean come on Mayo45 ...don't you think thats a little far fetched?.....and why do you keep acting like ppl who face reality are close minded?....I thought denying reality was being close minded.....And by your "snapshot" statement its seems that you are saying that the reason why so many black women have issues with black men is because they face reality. This doesn't make sense. So basically you are saying that black men are pushed away by the truth. Please don't put all black men in this cowardly category. I have had the privilege of being raised by a strong black father and have a brother whom are both married to strong and decent black women. My father and brother both agree that way too many black men have the mentioned characteristics. I have also met other black men who agree with this. All men do not run away from the truth. Yes it is true that ANYONE who is positive will most likely run away from someone who is close minded and controlling. But being closed minded is different from refusing to ignore FACTS. Only cowards run away from the truth. Anyways I am going to have to literally drag myself from this discussion because I am so passionate about the issue...but I think it would be best to leave it alone because just like another lady said on here there is no reason to argue with those who refuse to see the obvious. Its a waste of time Peace and Love Sir... and continue to be the good guy.....:-)
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pmich says:Posted: 08 May 11
Mayo, It's easy for you (as well as others who are in denial) to discount the experiences of black women when you have not lived them. You are not on the receiving end. Why would so many black women utter the same thing and you not believe them? Are all of these black women bitter? you need to open your eyes and stop being in denial..this attitude stinks among black men and will always be a deterrent in black female/black male relationships
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pmich says:Posted: 08 May 11
I see why there are so many "hardheaded" black men in jail. THEY REFUSE TO LISTEN TO OTHERS' VIEWPOINT IF IT'S SOMETHING THEY DON'T WANT TO HEAR. TO BLACK WOMEN: DON'T EVEN CONTINUE TO TALK SENSE INTO THEIR MINDS..MOVE ON!
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pmich says:Posted: 08 May 11
Mayo45: Its obvious that you are partial to this issue because you take one account from prize55 to mean that there isn't a problem among black men in the black community. No one said no other races of men don't have issues but black men by far exhibits these characteristics more than any other race.
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dricks says:Posted: 21 Oct 10
Although what she is saying is very raw I think that Lashaun is right on point I mean whats the use in sugar coating the sad reality? Sugar coating the issue only worsens the problem because when problems are not addressed directly they will only get worse. And I think that is the problem in black society now...everyone is afraid stand up and say "Hey we definitely have a problem so lets face it and fix it ...like RIGHT NOW!".lol I don't think that ALL black men possess the characteristics that she describes but I do think that a gross majority of black men possess at least one of the characteristics that she describes (except the one about attending college because I don't think it should be a requirement that a person have a college degree, as long as they have some reasonable and LEGAL form of income.) Yes it is true that we all have flaws but the sad point is that these SPECIFIC characteristics are VERY common amongst black men more than other flaws and its not just a small amount, its a very large amount ....actually to be honest its the majority. But I do believe that there is a reason for everything and I believe that the reason why black men tend to posses these characteristics more than white men is because the black man's mentality has been weakened historically and even in modern times the black man is not as respected in society, so I think that black men have issues as far as proving their manhood and many times the method they choose to prove it is an ignorant and foolish way. So the question is What should black women do about the issue? Should a black woman sacrifice her sanity,well being and chances of having a stable and loving family by dating only black men? Even though most men of her own culture have been damaged mentally by something neither he or she could control ? Or should she wisely open up her dating pool to men of other races ALSO (not eliminating black men but only considering the endangered species of black men who actually have a clue of what a man is). I think that it would be wise for black women to open up their dating pool because unfortunately many of our men are so mentally damaged that they are not able to provide the neccessary love and care for a woman. So it is what it is...its a harsh reality but its reality....if you don't believe me just listen to your local black hip hop and r&B radio station, observe black relationships, when you go to the store observe black men and women closely. Do you ever wonder why the majority of black male R&B singers are singing the same old song...."I did you wrong...take me back....I ain't gonna cheat anymore"...and the majority of black female R&B singers are singing the same ole song "I am over you ....I am gonna find a better man....and You did me wrong?"...well because that whats happening way too much in our society because of the characteristics that LaShaun describes. Also I think it would be beneficial for black men if black women opened up their dating pool because then there won't be so many black women who settle for the black men who possess these characteristics out of desperation. I feel that many black men would change their ways if they couldn't so easily find black women who sacrafice their own peace of mind just to have a man in their life. I think that many of our men possess these characteristics and never change because many black women put up with it. But if the dating pool is widened then no longer will a black woman feel like she has to settle for any man who posseses these weak characteristics. So facing reality benefits everybody...if there is crap on the table recognize it and clean it up....don't let it ferment and get worse by turning your head to reality by making the excuse that men of all races have these issues...yes it is true that all of the traits can be found in men of every race but it is very obvious that these traits are indeed a problem ECSPECIALLY in African American males...the problem is that it is a GROSS amount of black men who possess at least one of these traits. Ever wonder why Barack Obama stands out so much besides the fact that he is first black president lol....well he stands out because he doesn't seem to possess one of the characteristics that LaShaun describes...he is confident but not arrogant, has style but is not trying to be something he is not, he is married and has been married for years to the SAME woman, seems to have love for his wife and children, isn't threatened by his strong black woman and actually credits most of his success to her, she is his team mate and not his "picture perfect" trophy. This is not very common at all amongst black men. Actually most black men as attractive as Barack in their 20's wouldn't have even married or even considered marraige, they would be too busy trying to prove their manhood in the wrong way through one of the above characteristics. Anyways I could go on and on about this but the issue is there so lets fix it instead of denying it. I think it is wrong to ex out any race but I do believe that no good man or woman should settle, so since there are many black men who possess these above characteristics logically it makes sense for good black women to open up their dating pool and date white men also. I definitely am going to...I will only consider dating a man who doesn't act like the above whether he be white, black, green or purple...I will not sacrafice my peace of mind for anyone.
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Mayo45 says:Posted: 22 Oct 10
Wow, @ dricks you have obviously had some bad encounters, I sure hope God allows you to meet more Black men like Barack Obama so that you'll have a better opinion about us. I'm sure your opinion is based on your experiences, not the experience of the vast majority. I strongly encourage you, to be more open minded, not judge people until you have had time to check out their character and not let the dislikes become resentments, because it sounds like they are heading in that direction if they aren't already there. There are more Good available Blackmen out here than you realize, but with those opinions you will never see them.
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serenity33 says:Posted: 22 Oct 10
Hey Mayo, maybe you could help me out. Every time I stand up for the black man or say anything positive religiously or try and even things out and say that it applies equally to the white man as it does the black man like something negative, everyone hates it. But you are allowed to stand up for the black man, black men and women are allowed to use Christian phrases in a positive manner like I do and white women are allowed to criticize white men but I am not even though I am a white man and have seen the same things she said, lower down on the blog. Why is that? Do we have discrimination against the white man or is it just me?;-) If you could give me some insight into this I would greatly appreciate it.:-) Thanks. And the really ironic part is that I studied and am a marriage counselor so could with knowledge, comment on all the things everyone said plus I am a Seminary graduate so could make many positive Christian comments but everyone hates it when I do it!!
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Mayo45 says:Posted: 23 Oct 10
@serenity33 sorry you have those kind of experiences when you speak your mind and more importantly your heart. Unfortunately some people show up at the discussion table with their boxing gloves on. For reasons that I really don't have enough ink to print, some folks are stuck in their own experiences and refuse to see, that its not whats outside of them that gives them that opinion, but whats inside. We all have negative thoughts about somethings, and society has done a great job influencing some people that most black men are struggling. I attend meetings and quarterly conferences where I see strong blackmen developing solutions for inner city issues regularly. I'm not saying that blackmen don't have negative characteristics, what I believe is that all men are porportionally the same. The question I would ask is how did we become so bad. Did a race of people 400 years ago have something to do with our current position in society? Why is it so easy to ignore THAT fact about white men then and some white men today and not ignore some facts about black men in the past and black men today? Its all nonsense and unproductive. And to answer your question some black women have poor views about us and will never change, only God can change that, and anybody who stands up for us including you are subject to attack. Thanks Man enjoy your weekend
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serenity33 says:Posted: 23 Oct 10
I guess you are right. As a white men who appreciates all black people, it is hard for black people to accept especially black women and even other white men. I get attacked where ever I blog and all I do is stand up for blacks and I get called a racist by blacks so they must really have a hard time understanding the concept of a White Christian male loving black people in general and being a Christian and love Obama. You wouldn't believe how many times I got shot down for promoting Obama who I think is fantastic. And I get in trouble if I even promote free speech for black gentleman on here if he is saying something unpopular. I think everyone should have free speech even ones I don't agree with and should be counterargued in a logical and rational manner. Not just simply thumbed down. We are all brothers under the skin and that is they way I look at it which is why I get along better with blacks and have more black friends in person than I do white. But people on here just don't seem to understand that concept. Thanks for the encouragement and God bless you in all the good work that you do. It is very inspiring and heartwarming and gives me hope which I badly need. Take care my brother.:-)
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dricks says:Posted: 23 Oct 10
What is closed minded and unproductive is denying the problem. How can you be productive when the problems are not prioritized resolved? talk about now......put your "all men are proportionally equal" statement to the test...and perform the following experiment...i am dead serious too lol :-) 1. Turn to the most popular black radio station in your city and talley up how many times a woman is disrespected through words and how many times a black man says something that is definitely not progressive for black ppl. 2. Turn the the most popular white radio station in your city and talley up how many times a woman is disrespected through words and how many times a white man says something that is definitely not progressive for white ppl. See what ya find Also look up the marriage rates by race Look up the wedlock percentages by race Look up the aids rate by race If were able to draw statistics by race on How many men of other races do you see literally bragging about how many babymommas they have? Would you guess that there would be a higher percentage of white men who do this or black men? A little research will definitely reveal that there is definitely a SERIOUS problem The reason I am saying all this is not to down black men but to reveal the truth. There are certain damaging characteristics that are in a higher proportion of black men then in men of other races. It is extremely important to address that it is a "higher" proportion because that makes it an emergency. Something that should be put as TOP priority on the "problems yet to be resolved" list. In order to be productive and progress , issues should be prioritized. I don't know about you but I am all about black progression and one thing I do know is that WE WILL NOT progress unless we place a sense of emergency on the issues that LaShaun mentioned. Also I know that MANY black women have issues that need to be address too...I won't go into them because I mentioned them on my other comment.
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dricks says:Posted: 23 Oct 10
Actually with my "opinions" as you call it...which are actually fact....I will see the good black men who exist...because I will not blind myself with the fools who fit the characteristics mentioned. But if I were in denial that there is a problem like you are ...then I will will waste all of my time dealing with fools instead of just being patient, working on myself and dating only men who don't fit in this category. Once again I DID NOT say that good black men don't exist...i said that they are RARE. I want to be smiling when a good guy comes my way whether he be black or white. I don't want to bitter from all of the typical foolishness that men who fit the characteristics bring and unfortunately a gross amount of black men do. So whats wrong with a black woman dating outside of her race?...Nothing....I will do anything to keep a positive smile on my face...and I think everyone should. And I know its just a song but have you ever heard the song called "Statistics" by Lyfe Jennings....and I know you are probably gonna say he just made this song for black females so he could make his money...but he also has songs that talk about the problems with black women....check it out...what he is saying is what I am saying...basically realize that there are issues with black men, so filter out the bad so that you can see the good......maybe you will take it better coming from a man Its not about blaming ...its about progression....recognize problems and fix them...
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dricks says:Posted: 23 Oct 10
@MAYO45 I just read the other comment you made about me having resentment towards black men....this is absolutely nonsense....so I have resentment towards black men because I don't want to deal with anyone with the above characteristics?....I mean I thought that was helpful for the the good guys ...good black men included...no longer do good guys lose and bad guys win....I mean its just common sense to only deal with men who don't possess those characteristics...or maybe your saying I have resentment because I am facing reality that way too many black men have these EXACT traits...its sad but true...I can't help the truth......just perform the experiments that I mentioned in the other comment...and you will see the truth...but once again...you can only see the truth if you want to...anyways peace...Progression instead of Denial is the key...try it sometime ;-)
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SS says:Posted: 23 Oct 10
Well I really don’t expect anyone to seriously address the issues you raised in your piece. Don’t forget President Obama tried to tell them the importance of having a father in the home. He was quickly shut down. If they refuse to listen to Obama they certainly would not listen to us. I used to worry about the issue but no more. It is critical that black women associate themselves with like-minded individuals. If you’re a person that values marriage and family then associate with persons that share similar viewpoints. I don’t bother to argue with people that refuse to see the obvious.
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dricks says:Posted: 25 Oct 10
Yeah you are absolutely right SS I know most ppl won't address the issues...I just wish they would...but I guess I am dreaming. All a person can do is work on themselves as individuals and be positive.
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pmich says:Posted: 08 May 11
Dricks: I've realized that it is a losing battle trying to convince black men who are in denial of the problem that exists. they will always blame the black woman and say she is bitter instead of acknowledging and fixing the issue. For this reason, I always believe that there can not be blossoming marriages between black female and males the way other races. Thus, I feel that black women should date outside of their race. You may alot of sense but alot of black men do not want to see these issues because THEY DO NOT WANT TO CHANGE. THEY RATHER GO TO WOMEN OUTSIDE OF THEIR RACE instead of change/fix their issues. The women outside of their race are not knowledgeable of black men' ways but they will soon become knowledgeable the more they deal with them. It just takes time. Let them take their drama(babymaking, bad credit, looking for women to take care of them..) elsewhere..Black women are fed up and realized they deserve better. I think many black men expect black women to tolerate less-than ideal treatment for them that they don't expect other races of women to deal with. They better think again.
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dricks says:Posted: 23 Oct 10
Its probably because people feel like you can't relate...not saying that you can't relate...but ppl FEEL like you can't...Sometimes its hard to see where ppl are actually coming from unless you actually LIVE the life....living is different from mere observation. Perform the experiments that I suggested Mayo perform...and then maybe you will see things a bit clearer....
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serenity33 says:Posted: 24 Oct 10
Oh I can relate because I have been an outcast all my life despite being white. At least black had other blacks to lean on while whites hated me. That is why all my best friends were not white but mostly black. And if you really care about a group of people and live with them as many years as I have, you get a feel for what is going on. Just like I was never raped but I worked at a rape shelter and felt very sad and cried with the women as they shared their pain. If one cares enough, any obstacle including race can be overcome and understand can take place.
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2old2b_here says:Posted: 11 May 11
there is a world of truth in you ladies. I grew up on the poor side of town. I was thrown in to that bag by whites who were thought less of for it. Dollors and cent have a lot to do with what anyone does but more important is the bringing up of any child. when the roll model is less than what society deems as acceptable and missing in the family circle..well what do you exspect. you black ladies can help with the problem by qualifing your black man better, if you chose to marry in your race.
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SS says:Posted: 22 Oct 10
There is an element of truth in the article. This is not so much an article about white men as it is about black men. It's really a critique about the behavior of today's black men. Black men of the bygone era i.e. 50 years ago did not exhibit the behavior she described int he article. Black men of the past understood their responsibilities. They did not embrace the notion of having kids out of wedlock let alone several kids by different women. I don't know how a community can have an 80% of out of wedlock kids and not admit that there is a problem. No other racial group engages in such life limiting behavior.
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dricks says:Posted: 23 Oct 10
Thank You SS...well said short and sweet...it is obvious that there is a problem....i just don't know why so many ppl think denying it is the solution.
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melodee says:Posted: 24 Oct 10I must say that speaking as a fellow black female who has dated both black and white men, dricks has made some good points at has confronted "the situation" head on. I don't believe in bashing anyone, I don't think she is doing this either, but bashing the truths that most women of color are faced with on a constant basis. We all must reach a point in our lives where we have to "put away childish things" and embrace the reality of adulthood, lets face it we would all benefit greatly by prospering in relationships that have financial, and emotional stability as opposed to settling for those that don't ... irrespective of the color issue.
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Mayo45 says:Posted: 21 Oct 10
Wow, those are strong characteristics. I don't know if the writer is trying to lift up white men or put down men of color. Personally I'm not gay or down low, not looking for someone to take care of me, not a college graduate, but a sucessful businessman, I'm single(never married) with no biological children. I don't hang on the corner or participate in gang activities.I'm financially stable with plans to continue beyond my life. Forced to overlook someone past because of my own, and will encourage her to use her negative and positive past as ministry .And definitely not itimated by Intelligent, gentle and graceful Black women. In fact I honor Black women of integrity and Virtuous living (proverb:31) But I must add I do aviod agressvie sisters who are self seeking, controling, demanding, loud and accuse brothers of being intimadated because we don't want to be controlled by them. I love educated women, nothings wrong with be intelligent as long as you place humility before it. I would really like to see us drop the sterotypes, because of color, meet new and interesting people and judge people by their character, not their color. Thats so small minded and unproductive. We need to grow and attemp to live in harmony. Thanks for reading
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serenity33 says:Posted: 21 Oct 10
Amen to that brother.:-)
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serenity33 says:Posted: 22 Oct 10
Right on Mayo. You hit the nail right on the head.:-)
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brownclown says:Posted: 22 Oct 10Well said, Mayo. Good luck with the business.
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Mayo45 says:Posted: 22 Oct 10
Thank you brownclown with God all things are possible ;)
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Bevelicious says:Posted: 03 Nov 10
I totally agree with the article on how it describes the African American male in day to day life and in relationships. Thx Mayo for helping show how African American males are opportunist cause of the need to fit into society. There also intimadated by African American woman or any woman for that fact, that refuse there ability to drain you with the fact that they will take anything they can get ! LMAO ...stand up for yourselves ladies and refuse to take nonsense and watch a African American male run like hell ! I'm ready for a change and something liberating and refreshing and something new.
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yoyo710 says:Posted: 23 Nov 10I don't believe that the author was trying to put down black men however, she does bring up many valid points. Yes, there are many black successful men out here who do not have these hang ups but the thing is a great percentage of black men do have these issues. I know too many women who have been unappreciated and belittled by men of color because of ego and pride. I do not think she was trying to lift up stereotypes just provide reasons why a growing number of black women look to other nationalities. With that being said.... just because anyone prefers to date outside of their race doesn't mean we should put each other down. You are attracted to who you are attracted to. Love doesn't see color.
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yoyo710 says:Posted: 23 Nov 10
By the way I do agree with most of what you said. Just like you avoid certain kinds of black women same things go for black men. These negative qualities can be found with anyone across all cultures. :)
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serenity33 says:Posted: 21 Oct 10
Even though I am white, I wouldn't say that the black man holds exclusive rights to these flaws. I say date any man who doesn't have these flaws regardless of their color and they are just good guidelines for dating a guy period. And there are a lot more you could add to this list as well if you want to be really careful and increase your odds of success and a long term permanent relationship.
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