Are we dating or just kicking it?

Posted by Ria, 07 Jan 09

Now here is something that might get your head scratching as it does mine. You get all dolled up in a hot sexy dress, go out with a man to a dimly lit restaurant, and engage in some animated conversation. Come the end of the evening, you hug each other affectionately and everyone goes their own direction. Is that a date?

What exactly qualifies as a date? I don’t know about you but I must admit that question really puzzles me. When do you know that a guy is really interested in you rather than ‘just kicking it’ as most of us put it? In this age and era, unless someone practically tries to shove his tongue down your throat at the end of a ‘date’ - or whatever it is you call it - it’s hard to tell.

Back in the day, when someone asked you out it meant they were interested in you and wanted to date you. Today, one has no idea what a guy really wants. I mean, you could be on a date and not know it; or think a guy is ho t for you only to realize he just wanted to chill out. Damn! My head is spinning.

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

Our parents had it soooo easy: Man wants woman, man makes intentions known, before she realizes what hit her, woman is married and filling the earth – no confusion. I know it sounds like a silly problem but come to think of it, you could be going out with a guy who thinks you are just hanging. Meanwhile, you are busy fantasizing what your name, coupled with his last name would sound like.

Now, I hope you understand why it bothers me. It has happened to me. I used to go out with this guy a hell lot but wasn’t sure whether he was just taking it slow with me or wasn’t interested in me that way. Well one day at some party he had asked me to accompany him, I got my answer loud and clear. As hot and sexy as I looked, he spent the night eyeing some bosom endowed woman in the room and before the night was over, he gave me money for my taxi as they left hand in hand. It was hard to pick up what was left of my dignity and learned my lesson the hard way … with a broken heart.

Whatever happened to those good old days, when a guy would write you silly poems that don’t rhyme or ask you upfront that he would like to take you out on a date? Sounds like another lifetime don’t it? Well, it’s hard to believe these things used to happen in the 1990s. Asking someone on a date was as important as asking someone to marry you … people steered away from all confusion.

What happened to that man who dropped hints like kissing you on the lips till your leg pops just to make it clear that he likes you more than just a friend, or the one that asked “I’d like to take you out on a date”? Did he suddenly become an endangered species?

Instead of being told “Do you want to grab a drink?”, I would like to be asked straight up “Would you like to go out on a date?”. And if you just want to kick it, kindly make it clear from the beginning with both actions and words. Or give women a clear sign … anything to take away the guessing games that leave one wondering: Are we dating or not?

I miss the poetic old days … don’t you?

44 responses to "Are we dating or just kicking it?"

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  1.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 17 Jul 10

    We feel Our time has come to be together / Thank you for bringing me up with Good intensions and Reality of life .

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  2.   Member says:
    Posted: 17 Jul 10

    hello, guys i need your advice?because i don't know how to say to my parents that i'm getting married?

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  3.   Member says:
    Posted: 30 Mar 10

    Basically I agree with most commenters on this blog. I am regular visitor though I am not such a good commenter on blogs. But because of what you have written here about Are we dating or just kicking it? : Interracial Dating Blog is good and has compelled me to write to thank you for this good info.

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  4.   Member says:
    Posted: 25 Mar 10

    What if finding a good mate was easy? But it is not. Then after you find one, keeping the flame is another battle of its own. That is why we constantly need advice and information on how to keep our relationships happy. Today Thursday, I was searching on Google for cyberdating and I came across this post ( Are we dating or just kicking it? : Interracial Dating Blog). It is informative and educational.Thanks

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  5. Posted: 15 May 09

    I think sometimes people really need to let their intentions been known if you just want to hang out thats good but after the first five dates I think some clarification is in order. I do not procrastinate and I don't like people wasting my time so if after a certain amount of time has passed its going nowhere I start reevaluating how I spend my time.

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  6.   BrownB09 says:
    Posted: 06 Apr 09

    I like to see whats up beforehand because you may like someone and then things may get weird if they dont feel the same way!

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  7.   Jazie says:
    Posted: 06 Apr 09

    This is a great article! Again I refer to Steve Harvey's book (Act Like A Lady....Think Like A Man)...he addressed this very topic. His suggestion was that women empower themselves. Men aren't that complicated and will tell you what they are about. We just have to pay attention and set the tone. In the book he mentioned the "90 day rule"...within that period of time we should know if we are a "keeper" or a "throw back." Most important we determine that fact because if you aren't getting what you want out of the situation we should be prepared to ask for it or remove ourselves from the situation without hesitation. But we get caught up in losing out and once again we settle for less. I would say that if that guy could do something like that then he wasn't really interested and didn't see you as a part of his future. Finally, the "old fashion" ideals I also feel do hold true...a man will definitely let you know when he's interested.

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  8. Posted: 21 Jan 09

    Amen Markah, Amen!!! Great book BTW.

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  9.   MARKAH says:
    Posted: 21 Jan 09

    Hello everyone, I am new to the site and enjoy reading the blogs in my down time.I just turned 45 and needless to say have experienced many dating dilemmas.Four years ago I met someone who I normally would have overlooked .He was 2 inches shorter than me and being a tall women who likes to wear heels let's just say he flew in under the radar.This man would not give up.He would write poems expressing his affection call me during my day to let me know I was on his mind and people there was no confusion.....HE WAS INTO ME! What confirmed this was the book HE 'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU .This book was and is an excellent resource for the dating world.NO more gray areas in the dating world.We all know when someone is into us.The old fashion ideals hold true.If he is not calling you to hear your voice it is because he doesn"t want or need to hear your voice.If he is just too busy to see how your day is going he actually may not be that into you . If he hasn"t called you within 24 hours to let you know how much he enjoyed your company and wants to see you as soon as possible after that first date...he may not be that into you.For all of us on this site who are seeking to meet someone special...would you wait around to see if a bargain out there goes on sale or would you grab that item before anyone else gets their hands on it.{not from the book this is my own analogy.LOL]so guys get hold of the book women need to see some effort we all want to be swept off our feet even if it means you come cycling in our lives with a broom in your hands.Women that charming shorty I told you about before is no longer in my life.Why?Well simply put he stopped doing those special things that got my attention in the first place.Sure in 4 years little things get overlooked but when under appreciation takes place and he no longer makes an effort to try to keep you in his life pick up that book look through it and realise that men aren"t stupid if they want you they will move mountains and keep moving mountains.4 yrs is but a blink in a lifetime---especially the long love filled life of joy and happiness that we should all want and expect.Men read this book too it will let you know what you should be doing to get a keep a great woman in your life.Women stop finding excuses for men who obviously do not want us in their lives.On this dating site we have a huge pool of potentially good men to select from.Good luck everyone.No more mixed signals.

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  10. Posted: 15 Jan 09

    I am so glad to see that there are so many strong minded women here on this site. Not to take anything away from the men but we as women need to step up our "game" as well in the dating seen. We ultimately have some control as to what we will accept or not accept from a potential "dater" if we settle for less than it is our own fault if we wind up in or allow for a "kicking it" with benefits type of relationship if we really prefer to be in a dating relationship. Someone said it earlier, we as women have to KNOW what we want and respond accordingly. The guys will take their cue from us so it is important for us to determine how we want to be treated. Guys who want to be in a relationship will let you know. As for guys that just want to "kick it" they will let you know that as well WE just have to be able to pick out the signs. Good Luck to all of us and may we be blessed with what we want.

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  11. Posted: 15 Jan 09

    Very good article, Ria. Way too many guys engage in "friends with benefits" mentality and unfortunately a lot of women accept this. If by the 2nd or 3rd date you're still confused, I don't see anything wrong with asking the guy what his intentions are. Also, if you've been going dutch or splitting the bill 50-50, you pretty much have your answer.

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  12.   martha54 says:
    Posted: 14 Jan 09

    I don't really know how to date.I got married one week after I graduated from high school and was married 20 years until he left me for a younger women.I met a man while shopping in Carson's buying a gift for my mom's BD.That was my first interracial dating for me. We spent the next five years together until his death.I remember been loved by him cherished treated like a queen always yellow roses around the house traveling.No matter where his business took him I knew where he was hotel phone everything.It was the most wonderful time of my life.It's fun to walk into the house and find rose peddles every where or 12 cards hidden and you have to look for then like a kid at a Easter egg hunt.I've had five dates in 13 years I didn't like them I guess they didn't like me it's ok.This is my second site I joined trying to me someone nice.The first site I took alot from it .Be very careful on line I met some one we talk for at least four months.It was a scam I didn't know.He said he had a kid and me and my kind heart oh that's so nice.I got scamed for two labtops, hospital bills for his kid,cellphone for him and I don't even own one. Payed half on airline ticket because she was to come here until he got here never saw money or kid.I sent money every two weeks to her when I got payed yeah I know you don't even have to say it my family and friends said it already.I still believe in love.I just talk to people now because I have no clue as how to date.I'm in business now that you can't scam from me I've got that down pat.My heart well I made a fool of myself and lived to tell the story.I guess I need to learn how to date.I know it sounds silly for a 54 year old women to have only had two men in her life but what can I say it's true.I should have asked him are we dating or just kicking it.(smiles)

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  13.   32bookworm says:
    Posted: 14 Jan 09

    That is so true VA_songbird. A lot of men are just playing the numbers, and using dating sites for a quick hook up. It can be frustrating. I've had guys wanting me to take my shirt off on the webcam, bend over, etc. It's crazy. I say to them pay the cover to get in a strip joint and stop clogging up the site!

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  14.   VA_SongBird says:
    Posted: 13 Jan 09

    Amen to Vivacious1 and the other ladies. I agree, you need to let the goose simmer long enough to find out his agenda. Because this is cyber dating, most don't hang around very long when it becomes clear you are not an easy catch.

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  15.   rebita says:
    Posted: 13 Jan 09

    I think you are exactly right. After my own recent drama I have learned its better to take control as the woman. While they are still hot and heated not give into anything. Not be available until they have no choice but to admit what they want through pursuing or be left behind for a man who is a bit more clear on what they want. I think the difference is that we as women have to really be clear about what WE want and make that clear from the beginning.

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  16.   32bookworm says:
    Posted: 13 Jan 09

    Some very good comments are made. Props to vanillachai and Maridoe--i really resonate with your comments. However, I feel the most important facet of this conversation is missing. Its: TIME. Only time and paying careful, thoughtful attention and analysis to someone can bring out the truth of their intentions. The internet is great for bringing people together. I have met some wonderful people that way. On the flip side, you can not substitute IMing, e-mails, etc for spending genuine quality time together. Knowing someone digitally does not "jump start" the intimacy process. In this fast paced world, we have to acknowledge that time will ultimately inform you of the other party's intentions. You cannot speed up the process of forming a genuine bond with another person. Ladies, we should not do anything physically with another person until we are 100% confident and comfortable with how the relationship is going. It's hard, and I'll admit to falling off the wagon myself (sex can be so great!). But that's just the hard truth of the matter. But I sure wish I could buy my next relationship at the 7-11! I hope we all find what we're looking for.

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  17.   Vivacious1 says:
    Posted: 13 Jan 09

    Amen EbonyPrinz_S. Amen! Ladies you can get what you want - you just have to make sure that you're not getting played. A lot of men here and elsewhere practice the law of averages - it's a crap game with them. Like any fisherman, they're just waiting to see who will bite, and often they're trying to get a lot of fish on their hook! You can't blame your guy if you're acting like a victim! A man will only treat you the way you want to be treated simply by the way you behave. Act like a victim and he'll treat you like one. Accept the status quo and that's all you get. Ask for what YOU want. Don't accept less than that. I did for years and it wasn't worth it. Now, I'm up front. I know what I want and I'm getting it. If you don't want to give it, then, well, your loss! I'm the prize dammit - and if you're not smart enough to see that then there is something wrong with you. I've played the waiting games. It's frustrating, scary, and heartbreaking. If he wants only you - believe me, he WILL let you know, not just by telling you, but by what he says AND does. And if he doesn't then it's just like the book - he's just not that into you! Move on and open yourself up to the wonderful possibility that's waiting just around the bend - with someone else.

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  18. Posted: 12 Jan 09

    We as women SHOULD know that men do not define who we are but I have to agree with some of the other comments posted here. We have to own up to some of the accusations out there. In a rush to get our equality some of us have jumped on the same sexual playing field as men. Which have left men confused as to whether we want a "dating" relationship or a "kicking it" partner with benefits. Because of this men are more confused than ever and some are just not sure how to approach us. Speaking as a strong independent woman, most of us do want our independence but also want our knight in shinning armour. Not that there is anything wrong with that(speaking from experience lol) But we ultimately know what it is that we want and if we see that we are not getting it... then either clarification has to be made or we have the free will to move on. In this day and age communication is a HUGE thing. We cannot play the victim and say that we are being mislead. So if we are expecting the Guy to to lay it all out there for us as to whether we are just kicking it vs dating well... we may just be waiting a long time. If you are interested in a guy express that interest but not so as to completely freak him out. Most men will respect your honesty.(Guys can I get some feedback on this?) Some guys are as vurnerable as we are and may need to some encouragement to pursue things at a different level. I agree with vanillachai that on a "real date" I do believe that any "REAL" man should pay for the date as I would like to think that chivalry and romance are not dead, but I won't let us women off the hook either, we as women need to learn when we have a potentially "GOOD" man to show that appreciation by not expecting or taking him for granted. Small gestures to show our appreciation may go farther with him than you think and may take him beyond the just "kicking it" stage. Being straight forward... is what it is.

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  19.   Maridoe says:
    Posted: 12 Jan 09

    What has happened is that the entire planet has decided it's okay to only HOOK-UP. After chatting it up for a few hours, there is a mistaken perception of having gained insight into another person's heart and mind. A lot of guys will automatically assume that you are up for grabs in one way or another! Dating is almost a forget concept when it comes to searching out that Significant Other. How easy is it to almost have a date and end up doing the make out scene on your sofa? Thank you for sharing, I am oddly comforted by the fact that I am not the only one missing dating! As much as I dislike the endless interview aspect of it all it was lot's better than maneuvering through the labyrinth of the Internet dating scene. On top of the fact that who wants to keep throwing good money after bad trying to find the "Prince" in a ocean of frogs just trying for a hook up! Just my humble opinion.....

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  20.   VA_SongBird says:
    Posted: 12 Jan 09

    Amen. Salsera77... Let's call it what it is "up front" so no one is mislead. If he does not bring it up, for your own sake, you must take the lead and bring up the issue for clarification.

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  21.   salsera77 says:
    Posted: 11 Jan 09

    Oh Vey, my head is reeling from reading this. Ugh. Because I'm straightforward and upfront, I prefer dealing with a straightforward and upfront person. If I see that I'm not getting that, I'm gone. Tricks are for kids!

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  22.   Shuggakey says:
    Posted: 11 Jan 09

    I just wrote someone today who I experienced a "grey" area with telling them that no matter how much something is progressing I will not assume its meaning until its clarified. Everyone has different intentions and interpretations of what things are to them because of what THEY want. I know when I feel something, but I also know when isnt right. I AM one to communicate my feelings to avoid being hurt or even just hurting myself which many women do on their own;Trust that I have learned that myself however, some men just want what they want and may not be clear or honest. Blessings to the men that believe in honesty and clarity. It is important for each person to be aware of what you want and make sure you get it when you are fishing. Also be PREPARED to handle yourself if you CANT FIND IT and some people dont know how to do this. Heck, Im still learning how to enjoy being single and I see it as difficult but I dont like it..BUT... I need to and owe it to myself to stay grounded whether or not I have someone so that Ria's experience doesnt happen to me again.

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  23.   Vivacious1 says:
    Posted: 11 Jan 09

    I've got one even better than this - What about the man who tells you he loves you, says he wants to just 'date' you but not exclusively; and then sends you mixed messages about whether or not you should see other people?? It happens. You have to ask yourself one question: Does the relationship feel right? It is spelled out plain and simple? Does it work for YOU? I hate playing all these games. Men will never tell you they're only in it for the sex. They'll lead you on - but ONLY if you let them. Women we need to honestly grow a pair - a man is a man and therefore not infallible. And neither are we. But we have to take responsibility in any kind of relationship - whether its spelled out or not. Stop behaving like the victim - and you won't become one. That's my two cents! Hope it helps! Viv

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  24.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 10 Jan 09

    I think people have made dating more complex than it has to be. I find it easier to be open and direct with women and it gets me the desired results. Women respect men who don't play games. Some men leave women in limbo because it's one of the ways a man protects his vurnerable heart. Some men think that when a woman knows a man has feelings for her she'll use those feelings against him by playing games and what not. If the man never shows his hand it forces the woman to show hers, if she's really interested in him, if not, then it's an easy exit for him and he can save face. For the life of me I cant understand why it was to be like this. I do understand that there are alot of scared and wounded souls on the dating scene and I guess they look for ways to protect themselves from future hurt by masking their feelings and closing themselves up. Stop the games, say what you mean, and mean what you say, because most people don't read minds.

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  25.   vanillachai says:
    Posted: 09 Jan 09

    PS I meant "Shuggakey" (typo above) & also...I realized that different generations also have different views...being a GenX'er...well...I have dated a very few GenY'ers, some X'ers & some Boomers...our perceptions and expectations are all different as we go between the generations...Y's text, X's e-mail, Boomers call...Y's are more about the moment...X's seem to be in the future & Boomers seem to linger in the past...Y's "hang out", X's invented the bootie call (unfortunately) & Boomers "date"...I am on to something here...

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  26.   vanillachai says:
    Posted: 09 Jan 09

    PS to Suggakey...I TOTALLY agree...I have said the exact same thing about having heart & soul & mind (in addition to physical attributes)...pretty much the same thing anyway...if I have to hear one more physical comment...that is disrespectful...I guess lots of women like it...at almost 35 yrs. old...I'm over it...

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  27.   vanillachai says:
    Posted: 09 Jan 09

    That's interesting...but it's also different for professional athletes...I work w/ entertainers & have dated a couple ex- pro athletes...to my dismay...LOL. I actually had them complaining about my day job & wanting me to quit & travel w/ them...ahh "control" freaks...no can do. As for what you've experienced...I hear that a lot from "built" black men...ppl approaching them for "freaky" stuff...& just seeing them as a sexual object...but, fortunately or unfortunately?, it's not the "norm" for most men...life as a pro athlete has it's pros & cons I'm sure. I also agree that many women date for "entertainment"...I myself have turned down quite a few letting the men know that I'm not interested in more than friends. They still push just to take me to dinner etc. Different "strokes" I guess. Personally, I wouldn't pay for a date...but not greedy...if they had no money...movie rental (not on a first date) or getting frozen yogurt & talking etc. is fine w/ me...& I have connections...so I definitely bring something to the table...that's my story. Take care.

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  28.   ACUTEBLKGUY says:
    Posted: 08 Jan 09

    i recently moved to the west coast , and mrs vanilla chai i'd like you to know that most women i've come across have just wanted sex, or they were bisexual , which i dont have a prob with, but not the type of woman i would want to date. the few that i did meet who didnt fit those categories were in relationships, lied about them and pretty much was looking for that greener grass. and i also think the people that sell things or media and mainstream society wants women to think that men want someone who looks like a girl in a porn. its a great marketing too. thats one of the biggest myths i've heard, i'm a professional athlete and 90% of the men i know wives dont look like models, they're actually average size , or plus size and beautiful in diff ways. men wanting women for sex has not changed, nor has it increased or decreased over the years, men are connected emotionally to sex, typically the better the sex, the more emotionally connected we are to that special female. oh and if we go out on a date lets go dutch, that way we both feel equally as important, or i get the first date and you get the second. one of my qualifications to be my lady would be her independence. my biggest fear would be to have a wife who could not make it financially without me. Recently i've noticed with the economic troubles in the usa, some women are looking for guys just to take them out , with no real intentions on romance but rather a way to get out the house without having to split the bill. Me i'm trying to preserve something for my future wife.

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  29.   vanillachai says:
    Posted: 08 Jan 09

    I believe this all started to go downhill w/the invention of the internet & "access". Many men are hooked on porn & porn sites & have crazy ideals on what a "woman" should be. Most of the dates I go on end in a "proposition"...on a FIRST date? Come on! It's very disappointing...especially w/ STD's etc. on the rise. Unfortunately, many men seem to want "sex", but not the "dating"...& the good looking guys have been getting away with not acting right for a long time. To condition a dog, you must train him. Ladies don't put up w/ it & don't "give it up". DON'T MAKE SOMEONE A PRIORITY WHO ONLY MAKES YOU AN OPTION. My view might be a little skewed, since I do live in "Las Vegas"...but I talk to friends in California etc. & it's the same story. To me, if a guy asks me out, pays (he has to pay...LOL) & attempts to kiss me...it's a date. Also, I don't understand when people ask are you "dating"...well...I'm single & going on some dates...but don't have a boyfriend...so yes I'm "dating". Men seem irritated when they inquire as to IF I'm dating & I tell them I "date". If I "wasn't dating"...they'd wonder why...it's like a no win situation. Can everyone just focus on the here & now & what's good & move forward...instead of trying to find out "what's wrong with" somoeone who's single? I'm single because I am not going to settle. If it was all so "easy" we'd all go to 7/11 & purchase our next relationship...LOL.

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  30.   rae56 says:
    Posted: 08 Jan 09

    You're right, blkguy, but some people are masters at talking from both sides of their mouths and adept at giving mixed signals.

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  31.   ACUTEBLKGUY says:
    Posted: 08 Jan 09

    IF YOU DONT ASK QUESTIONS THEN ITS YOUR FAULT, I ALWAYS TELL WOMEN I DATE, OR KICK IT WITH, THAT IF YOU DONT KNOW SOMETHING, DONT TRY TO ANALYZE ME, JUST ASK QUESTIONS. JUST AS WOMEN DONT WANT A MAN TO MAKE THE ASSUMPTION THAT BECAUSE WE GOT ALL DRESSED UP AND WENT TO A NICE PLACE AND HANG OUT, THAT WE SHOULD EXPECT SEX. WELL IT WORKS BOTH WAYS, YOU SHOULDNT EXPECT A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP AS WELL. BUT LIKE I SAID, IF YOU ASKED YOU WOULD HAVE KNOWN, DONT BLAME HIM IF YOU NEVER ASKED HIM.

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  32.   rae56 says:
    Posted: 08 Jan 09

    Great article, Ria. I've experienced this "lack of clarity" with the last two men that I've dated and have been left so puzzled and frustrated, I could have written this article myself. I too, agree with Allan_B, and this need to have "game" is distasteful to me.

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  33.   lisaqt13 says:
    Posted: 08 Jan 09

    Ria, great article. It was really interesting to hear about your experience. I am sorry your heart was broken. I think that ambiguity is popular now, for men and women. Recently, I have found myself wondering many of the same things you have pointed out. At least I know its not just me. Although I don't long for the "old days", it would be nice to just have some clarity.

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  34.   JusAsIAm22 says:
    Posted: 08 Jan 09

    Hi five to the words shown throughout this blog!!! Let's keep it real...relationships have scared many of us, one time or another. Many times ladies we tend to scare our "date" or "kickn it partner" off with our natural compassion and interest. Don't get me wrong we are a beautiful creation in and out, but we tend to rush things indirectly and unconsciously. Be yourself, but less vulnerable. A man can see and feel our emotional attachment, need for love, and want through our touch and glare. Sometimes that turns them off or sometimes its happens because we are being ourselves..even though that sucks we must first realize that just because you are asked out doesnt mean he'll be interested in you at the end of the "outing". I know, I know...Why don't they just say they aren't interested? I'm glad you asked...lol.. stereotyping is why! There are a lot of women in the world that have put men through physical (busting windows out of cars, slashing tires, bleaching clothes), financial (cleaning out bank accounts, expecting dollar distributions), emotional (cheated on, lied to, getting on their nerves through questioning-nagging-bitching) turmoil. Therefore it gives us good women a bad name. Of course, that sucks too but men watch every little piece of character trait illustrated on that 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and/or 10th outing. Oh well if he doesnt want anything more than that moment you shared. We must learn not to wear our hearts on our sleeves like the old days, why? Because everyone isn't there...Which is okay...because some still are! That is the amazing thing about patience and timing. Our soul-mate will accept us for who we are and rid the past and games to have a successful relationship. We will find, enjoy, and honor the love we find..our soul-mate!!!

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  35.   babygirl668 says:
    Posted: 08 Jan 09

    Oh... How I long for that old-fashioned, Is it okay if I call you sometime; I would like to get to know you better; type of MAN!!

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  36.   Shuggakey says:
    Posted: 07 Jan 09

    Allan_B Sure did write it well. It is sad that things have changed to the extent that they have in the world of love and companionship. I personally hate dating, I believe in being exclusive to the point of progressing. I just wish more men would express genuine interest, act on it and yield from it. Yes I have a body to gain enjoyment from however, I also have a heart, soul and mind that require the same attention or else damage will be done. This very story is what causes people to be guarded or classified as damaged goods.

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  37. Posted: 07 Jan 09

    Excellent insight, eloquently put, Allan_B.

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  38. Posted: 07 Jan 09

    Everything seems ambiguous nowadays. Its almost as if you need to hypnotize someone, inject with truth serum, and hope it goes well. Hmmmwell honestly, I believe that if a feeling needs to get through to be recognized, it will. This guy wasnt for you, and thank goodness he showed you the way, the truth and the light, before you gave your entire heart to him. Lesson learned, now its time to go out, love life, and draw the right person to you. I do believe this is possible. Love, Peaceand all that good stuff. (smile) Sweetsoftone

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  39. Posted: 07 Jan 09

    Everything seems ambiguous nowadays. It's almost as if you need to hypnotize someone, and inject with truth serum, and hope it goes well. Hmmm...well honestly, I believe that if a feeling needs to get through, to be recognized, it will. This guy wasn't for you, and thank goodness he showed you the way, the truth and the light, before you gave your entire heart to him. Lesson learned, now it's time to go out and love life, and draw the right person to you. I do believe this is possible. Love, Peace...and all that good stuff. (smile) Sweetsoftone

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  40.   rorogia says:
    Posted: 07 Jan 09

    well i think alot of it does have to do with us as women. woman used to let the man do the chasing, let the man open car doors, walk on the outside of the sidewalk, pay for the date. nowadays though, since womens liberation...alot of those things have stopped for alot of people. men stopped because women didn't want them to do those things anymore because they could do it themselves. now days, it seams as though men are a luxury more than anything else to women anymore. and women are chasing the men down now. they really don't have to do much work. and woman are not requireing very much from our men. and that is a shame. they get away with what ever we let them get away with. and women are jumping in the bed with men quicker than before. so what do they have to look forward to? there was an episode on "sex and the city" where carries character went out with aiden on several dates and he left her at the door with a kiss on the cheek or hand. she actually got offended and thoought that there was something wrong with her/him. and he simply replyed..."i want to get to know the person before i jump into bed with her. don't people beleive in romance anymore" she was shocked. and that is alot of peoples setiments.

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  41.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 07 Jan 09

    get a set of nails done , hair styles or buy new eyewear , buy some flowers a box of chocolates . This is a date ,There are lots of places to sit and talk , to learn more about each other . Love Les

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  42.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 07 Jan 09

    Lonelyness is a terrible thing , People were made to meet others , Communication first . It is alot nicer to say spend a day at the Mall . Stores to window shop . Restaurants to dine together as there is no feeling like eating alone , Time to talk , walk and compare likes n ' dislikes and They have movies to see after . Everything in life has a beginning / Plenty of time to just Enjoy living .

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  43.   Allan_B says:
    Posted: 07 Jan 09

    I think it's probably due to the fact that we humans as a species have become very complex & sophisticated(in the wrong way). We have complicated even the simplest of all things,love, and in the end many stay single because they are expecting something surreal. Modern society has preconditioned us to see simple straight forward interest as boring. By this I mean that simple genuine,heartfelt approaches are considered as "not having game,or being boring or dull." This is partly proliferated by hollywood,tv,soaps and all the modern media. Even on here plenty of us miss opportunities that look at us straight in the eye.

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  44.   sunnismile says:
    Posted: 07 Jan 09

    I couldn't have put it better - thank you for spelling it out loud!

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