Are you being manipulated in the name of love?

Posted by Ria, 24 Sep 08

So you like doing stuff for your partner, believing its out of love. Are you sure someone isn’t subtly pulling your strings?

You might argue you are doing stuff for your partner simply because you are caring and affectionate, but your friends don’t see it that way. And as soon as you step out of the room, they start giving each other that look that says, your partner has you exactly where he or she wants you.

Sad thing is, this manipulation is so subtle and gradual that you don’t even realize this. And gradually, you find yourself doing stuff that even in your wildest dreams; you never ever thought you would like leafing through Cosmopolitan with other women while your wife gets her nails done.

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

When it gets here, you definitely know you have become your partner’s official messenger. So quit dealing the ‘I am just a caring person’ card. And if you stopped buying your own clothes or choosing what you wear to work or for a weekend with the gals or boyz, you are totally screwed.

And if you decide to cut your day at the spa short just coz he’s called, or leave the football match you love so much and run to be with her, they we both know who is running the show.

Stop being an ATM machine or the washing machine for that matter. Before you met your partner, didn’t they used to get things done like bills or clothes, or whatever is it you are being a slave of? If you cannot make a decision without your spouse’s approval, you are done for. If a friend you haven’t seen for years calls you and invites you for a drink, the most natural answer should be a mighty YES!! But if you have to check with the person running the show to see if he or she has anything planned, you are worse than a man who carries his woman’s handbag.

Dating or married, you still are an individual. You are entitled to have different interests. If your spouse commits you to events without asking just because experience has taught him or her you won’t protest, that’s a wake up call! You have been sat on.

If after reading this you feel trapped, relax. Good news is, your spouse probably treats you like royalty, otherwise, it would not make much sense for you to go to such lengths to please someone who doesn’t treat you well. Chances are, you feel more appreciated. Good begets good. So your pals may make fun of you; bottom line is, you are probably a happier person where it matters most.

However, that doesn’t change the fact that someone has you wrapped around their little finger … you’re whipped!!!

So between men and women, who have PhDs in making their partners do their bidding? Which sex excels in the manipulation game?

19 responses to "Are you being manipulated in the name of love?"

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  1.   knew2this says:
    Posted: 19 Nov 08

    I must have "Sucker" written on my forehead. I can't tell you how many times I've been screwed for being nice. I try to keep my eyes open and watch out for myself, but somehow I wind up being taken advantage of or used anyway. I'm not stupid, but there are some good manipulators out there. Being a jerk is not in my nature. Seriously, do I have to be a bitch or what?

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  2.   lil_mich says:
    Posted: 19 Nov 08

    to half moon,,, that story of woman taking advantage of your generous spirit was absolutely terrible, I think it is a testiment to your ability to put it in the past that you have shared with the online world your story. It is difficult to change our natures and if you are a generous man/woman in spirit and financial then possibly you will always be that way. I feel as though I am a sweet and innocent woman and I feel as though I get taken advantage of but then I think who gives a s**t. Like you say surely someone was made happier for a few minutes or maybe they were not. I left my last partner of 7 years as sweet as he was he was a mommies boy and was never gonna settle with me, and I felt that I could only wait for so long, so as a birthday present to myself I left. I did love him. We both needed a change. I hope that I have done the right thing it didn't take him long to replace he has some other mug now. so this is my side of the story.

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  3.   kenyanito says:
    Posted: 14 Nov 08

    Really sorry to 911 and half moon. At times human being conceal their true characters which later when found out is rotten. I just wish that we could open in our relationships from the word go..But don't loose hope coz of the bad experiences..there are ladies outside there who are willing to be sincere, loved and love back without any inhibitions.

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  4.   kenyanito says:
    Posted: 03 Nov 08

    thanks sally, we will try coz whats relationship all about but to mingle and cherish it for long

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  5.   sally says:
    Posted: 07 Oct 08

    I came across an online community for individual seeking interracial love. It is ++++((((---Blackwhitemeet. C O M))))++++ All singles there are seeking interracial relationships. Interracial is not a problem here, but a great merit to cherish!

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  6.   half_moon says:
    Posted: 06 Oct 08

    To all that responded to what I wrote.... I take everything as experience and hold no grudges. If anyone does that they defeat themselves. I love people and good friends. My goal above all else is when I leave this world is to know I left more smiles then tears. Love is funny sometimes,life is also not guaranteed. Spend time with yourself and looking past mistakes and hurts and you will find you like yourself even more. I send you all a big hug and wish you the love that helps both and all grow!

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  7.   911medic says:
    Posted: 02 Oct 08

    Sorry if I come across as bitter, jaded or just plain pissed off LOL -- but I feel ... how to explain this... I was under the impression that love was just a surrealistic fantasy, but a realtionship was based on communication, and trust. and yes, I hear you Bamnbi --I started, and am ashamed to admit it, checking her cell phone -- LOTS of call ALL over the US where she has no fam -- I never called, but she figured it out and now deletes - LOL except she screws up and forgets to delete the ALL CALLED section --I don't want or need a woman that feels the need to send 600 minutes on a phone (since 9/22) yet *I* am called controlling -- as I write this, I got up a 6, made her coffee, rubbed her lotion on her, made her lunch -- no kiss bye, nada. The leasing agent came over to check on smoke detectors (yes, its that time of the yr so please check yours PLEASE) and nearly SH%%%t herself when she saw the condition of the 14 year old 'I am a woman screw you' room and bathroom. I was sooooooo embarrassed -- here in Indiana, IR realationships at least between BW/WM are not accepted -- they have 'ditched' me in the stores, sorry I digress too much -- this is AFTER last night that I was told 'either we get married or we have to have another living arrangement' WHY? cause I will get excommunicated from the church (Luthern) HUH well 'pastor; (like he is GOD in the personification himself) ex'd 3 people for living 'in sin' HUH and you have a kid out of wedlock, going to THEIR SCHOOL(200 a month)and you LIVED with her 'father' (0 child support) for 11 years NOW you are worried avout the f&R&R&cking CHURCH yes you embarrass me I am getting on the Amtrak this afternoon --

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  8.   albanyga says:
    Posted: 02 Oct 08

    To 911 and half moon I really feel bad for you guys I have never ...but you know what take it all as a lesson learn and move on for the better, things happen in our life that are just that LESSONS its up to you to pass and if you guys are still looking for love and not holding that over the females that you meet now you pass wuth flying colors lol good luck to you guys

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  9.   bambi22 says:
    Posted: 01 Oct 08

    I may add one wisdom, that must be kept in mind when looking for "the right one"... Please do not allow your needs to build up, to a point of having nothing to do but to compromise with the first comer! Surround yourself permanently with people of your kind, with the same scale of values, attitudes, principles, etc.! It's a MUST to be happy, and when you are not, just be sincere to yourself. Your progress in life is based on the self talk! If you trust yourself enough...you and yourself are a team, then you can be a winner! I like this blog, it teaches me a lot of things... Thank you all for your participation, keep sharing!

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  10.   half_moon says:
    Posted: 01 Oct 08

    I feel 911's pain. I certainly hope no one else ever feels mine. Even though I have had many bad experiences in life none compare to the one I thought was my soulmate. I met her on line. For once I was with a woman and I have no words to describe it.But now i know I should've ran.I took a job there and it was fine for awhile,but i'm sure everyone has heard of the bait and switch.She was working as a nurse and seemed to have her finaces under control when I met her. I was a single parent but since the girls were 17 and 19 they wanted to stay with their mom until I got settled in. Well my daughter got involved with a much older guy and Dad did what dads do. I came back,but still planned to be with her and longed for her everyday. I had the situation under control and we met when we could between her schedule and mine. Usually here though. In the mean time I was helping her and even trying to talk to her kids about problems. Well in april she had something come up so I got a local loan and she made reservations over the phone with me to fly into atlanta and me pick her up. That didn't happen so I was told because of school. All this time I thought she was living at her old apt and I was working 6 days a week 12 hr days. Then on 8-31-08 I got the voicemail I wasn't supposed to hear.She had called my phone and thought she had disconnected from my voicemail. But it kept on recording with Donnie in the car. 2 minutes into the recording he asks her "Did you sleep with me last night?" "nope F-you" he starts grumbling theres no hugs no kisses no nothing. She says.."You've been very mean and hateful to me lately!" "And you have to be especially nice to this next month,but me too!" "Hmmm" It goes on for another minute and then as their sitting in a drive thru and she just bought him something to eat with money I sent her she says "I love you too Donnie!" "I want this next month to be a good month I'm gonna be home more and doing more!" When she had just told me that week that she was starting a job in atlanta. Everyone probably knows how I felt.Anyway I text her and tell her when she is alone without her man and his french fries and sweet tea give me a call. First she says its not the donnie she was involved with 4 yrs before. I know better I know his voice. She says its a donnie at school. So I figure if I have been conned and manipulated I can maybe use her greed against her to find out really what has been going on. I tell her about the laptop I just bought from my company. She says can you send one to her 2 kids. I said sure hun but I need a cuurent address. So she spits it out kind of not wanting to and I dash off to the computer. I do a reverse address check at white pages.com. Guess whos name comes up for the house? Donnies. Then after I check court records there in town (since I now knew his full name) I find that in may she went to court for bad check and in oct of 07 he filed chpt 7 using the same address.All the time she was denying it.Saying I love you and I have never had a relationship with him. Well I remember this couple she told me about that was a mixed couple too. Josh and Tara. And she had been asking me over the months advice about white guys to help tara with her man.She was asking things like welll....you know. And she even told me that Josh was a drinker and had put his hands on tara and went as far as to go to ky and screw his ex-sister-in-law and brought a pic back that she found of her naked. Caught him kissing his best friends wife too. Real charmer huh folks. In turn he would pass out in the driveway of the house and sleep in the truck all night,and finally tara called the police and he got a dui. So since I did a background check I took a look at her neighbors from her old address. One stood out. Said roberta sue moore. So I knew that was donnies ex-wife. Now the make believe Josh's ex-wife was a minister. When I called the ex she informed me she was a minister and that donnie had a drinking problem. She also told me that donnie had divorced her to be with my (grrr) sandy.So since it was all adding up and everyone was lieing to me including her kids I tried one more detective idea. I knew there was only 2 bowling alleys in that town and when sandy told me Josh and Tara had got married back in April I was shocked and she told me it was cause tara told him if he wanted to marry her he couldn't bowl or drink anymore. I called the first on and just said "Yes I'm trying to reach Donnie XXX can you page him for me?" "Honey he ain't been here since the end of last season back in april when he married that black girl!" In my life I have never felt so close to passing out. She said " we were all surprised when they got married cause he had left her(like the josh story)after she cleaned his bank account out!" "He was told if he wanted to marry her he had to give up bowling!"I couldn't help but burst into tears. I financed there wedding...And with her calling me with him in the car they were both in on using me.I couldn't figure it out to save my life. He beat her,messed around on her,got caught kissing his best friends wife in front of her and she married him.Also when I talked to his ex she said his alimony payments had been current for 18 months and before she had him locked up.So after hearing this I sent her a text saying Mrs. Moore i care not to ever speak to you again and I hope god can forgive you cause I'm gone.She denied of course and before I could change my # she called and said "I can be your best friend or your worst enemy....I know where you work at!" Thats love..lol. So I filed a police report and called and reported it to my job. The one thing I can say she did the best job of making me lose all feelings for her. All a scam taking me for my love and love for her kids. I am much better now and actually am pretty happy with myself. yeah I'm out of alot of money and went without for them,but you know I know I'm a good person with a sincere heart(but guarded now) and the best part he's married to her and not me. May they have many miserable hateful years together... I am a better person!

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  11. Posted: 30 Sep 08

    i go with bambi22 .... i've been there and done that and oh what a mess it was .... but am good now ... enjoyin life to the fullest with lots of good male friends and wld never give up to find the one true love .... again! .... hopin to find him in here .... thanks girl!

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  12. Posted: 30 Sep 08

    i go with bambi22 .... i've been there and done that and oh what a mess it was .... but am good now ... enjoyin life to the fullest with lots of good male friends and hopin and wld never give up to find the one true love .... again! .... thanks girl!

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  13.   bambi22 says:
    Posted: 30 Sep 08

    911, hello, how are you doing? I was talking on phone when my eyes glanced your story... And really want to apologize on women behalf for any immature behaviour. Some ladies, whether literate or not, may actually understand the whole ideea of relationship as a matter of "what you can bring on the table", or things you could exchange, to live life as a family, in common. Knowledge we can get in school and the art of living happily are two different notions; I may advice you not to consider a yardstick the years spent in school, but rather take the common sense and respect for others as the basis of any relationship you may want to establish. The lady is nice I am sure, do not judge her for her behaviour... she's selfish though because probably she is coming from an environment where "abused" is the order of the day. Which lead to being hurt! And hurt people hurt people, you should know. Now, if you decided to get involved with her, you must go through the process of understanding her..., why she's doing what she's doing? Being sincere is the best, for her and you. Human beings feel before they think, did you know? It's not untill you may see the missed calls, or texts... it is when you feel something, an action of checking how many calls were on her phone follows... So, "playing the game" is not worth, since all of us are gifted with senses that do not lie! On the other hand, the question is not why is she behaving the way she does, but what on earth made you being with her... what in you has found resonance in her, so you can wish to be together? Maybe she does repeat the abusing behaviours which you yourself once upon a time have encountered from the beloved ones, and being a child, thought that is normal. So, when you found their type in her, you recognized the pattern as familiar immediately, and invited her inn. That's the explanation! But, familiarity is not comfortability! So, please define what's comfortable for you, then you go chasing... It happened to me before, that's why I know!

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  14.   911medic says:
    Posted: 28 Sep 08

    oh yeah -- NO birthday card I made my OWN cake and her brat (14) threw a fit over what I made for dinner (grilled chicken with cheese, coleslaw, potato salad, corn So she takes her to McD's, kid ate 3 bites of he burger, came home, ate a pint of ice cream. I wound up apologizing ! because the food was 'crappy' And this from a woman with a Masters Degree?

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  15.   911medic says:
    Posted: 28 Sep 08

    OK check this out .... last Sunday was my b-day -- woman goes to take her daughter to church -- promosing me she'd be back in 20 minutes and we would have a morning together - (this is at 8.45am) AT 1.30pm she rolls in with some lame ass excuse and got pissed at ME because I asked her where she was -- has a cell phone, text, all that crap -- said, oh the church needed some help for blah blah blah oh, no time to call 30 seconds? no, was busy THEN WHY WAS THERE 90 MINUTES AIRIME USED AND 17 TXT MESSAGES I don't have to answser to you This, after I moved 2900 miles to be with her

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  16.   Inneta says:
    Posted: 28 Sep 08

    Love is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you gonna get. It is a warning to you that you have to be aware when you are in to relationship. some people can even say "I dont play game" at many times to convince you but they are actually try to manipulate and take control of the situations , they lie even with their eyes open.be very allert with it . Use your commonsense and be smart. you call your partner for the next weekend asking him if you can just come by and he said I am busy with friends, some excuses for some reasons need to be analysed,out of being paranoid,loyalty is a part of your job descriptions working on the relationship but you got to be honest/be fair to yourself.

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  17.   kenyanito says:
    Posted: 27 Sep 08

    sacrifices are good for partners but when its only one sided then ...just run out of it..when will you live your life?

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  18.   Mick369 says:
    Posted: 25 Sep 08

    Yes! I've been there and done that! Gain control of the situation and you will both be rewarded. If the other does not accept the outcome, then it will show what that person is capable of doing in this type of situation. Respect is the name of the Game! Only reward your partner at that point. And, accept what they give back in return. If they cut you some slack, Good. If not, then explain your point of view on the manipulation issue and what you are willing to live with. Sorted out plenty of issues with me and the people I have chosen to let into my life! Some items I will or can NOT sacrifice my sanity for.

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  19.   Sunryze says:
    Posted: 25 Sep 08

    I have a buddy like this, when he met his girl (now his wife, poor man) he was banned from seeing his friends for almost a year, and when he was allowed out she was ringing him every 10 minutes (yes, every 10 minutes!) demanding to know who he was with, what he was doing and when he was coming back home. Naturally, us lads mocked him endlessly, causing him to storm out in a huff, lol. We all gotta make sacrifices for the one we love, granted....but this was probably the worst case of manipuation I'd seen at that time. Maybe I'll call the dude, see how he is? Answerphone: "Hello, I can't take your call right now, she won't let me." Anyone heard 'The Mansong' by Sean Morey? If I didn't know better, I'd think it was about my ol' pal...

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