Beauty or breeding racism?

Posted by Ria, 17 Jul

beauty or breeding racismColorism has plagued this nation since God knows when. There is a common belief that light skin is beautiful, means more opportunities, better jobs, more respect, acknowledgement and better treatment from society.

Some Black women bleach themselves so they can ‘beautiful’. Having looked up the word beautiful, there is no mention of ‘color’ in the definition. Anyhow, here are a couple of reasons two women gave for bleaching:

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“Most of this is done to impress men, and when you have black brothers telling you things like ‘I’d rather see 12 black women die than to see one white women with a runny nose’… then you have artist like Chris Rock, coming on TV making Fun of black women, and mocking them. Its like what are you suppose to do?”

“My husband fell in love with me but completely adores my skin color. I can’t change my skin tone now cause he knows me as being light. Bottom line is if you are ugly, nobody notices when u are light skin.”

So what do you make of this woman (featured on the Tyra Banks show - video below) who in a twisted attempt to make herself ‘beautiful’ bleached her 3 sons too … exposing their delicate skin to harsh concoctions every day; with the darkest one getting a little extra?

Bleaching yourself is one thing. But doing it to ones own children!!!! :roll: They say light skinned people have it easier over their dark skinned counterparts. They say a mother knows best. But seriously, is this what it’s come to; altering our children’s perceptions on color? This is exactly how racism is bred.

No pun intended but looking at how those of us who are ‘rich in color’ spring in to action in reaction to ‘racism’ or perceived racism against us, don’t you think by doing so, we are responsible for promoting the slave mentality and colonial mindset we are trying so hard to eliminate?

163 responses to "Beauty or breeding racism?"

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  1. Posted: 14 Aug 09

    what

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  2.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 13 Aug 09

    Wow, my goodness! ELLIOT my man, is it that serious? Bro. it's just a blog and we can disagree without "going for the throat!" There's no doubt in my mind that you're more than capable of holding your own, so lets attack THE POST and not THE PERSON!

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  3.   ELLIOT says:
    Posted: 13 Aug 09

    Stay tuned everyone for the author's next great series anti-Semitic enlightened speeches. Perhaps she will tell us that next that he holocaust of the transatlantic slave trade was to purge the Africans of their unrighteousness or the tragedy of Katrina occurred because the hedonism of the New Orleans peoples. Perhaps in her next publication she will tell us that the TWIN Towers in NY fell because of the evil of New Yorkers. Or maybe she will just tell us that the genocide of Tutsi's in Rwanda by the Hutu's was G-d's righteousness like Sodom and Gomorrah. Occam's Razor (The simplest answer is usually the correct answer) denotes that the authors anti-Semitic writings amount to the ratings of an insane lunatic. BINGO! Now perhaps you can form a logical opinion without bringing in your personal hatred for the Jewish peoples. Perhaps you should not concern yourself as to what I do on my weekends and stop using this site as recruitment for the Junior Nazi League. Perhaps after sponsoring your Hitler Youth League poetry festival this weekend you can write us all a memorandum on when you think the appropriate time to blog on this site since you seem to own the copyright to online blogging. Now don’t get upset! Put down those long black Gestapo boots your probably shining right now and don’t go reaching for the luger gun on your hip. Take a long nice sip of the FUHRERS BEER YOU PROBABLY HAVE STASHED IN YOUR FRIDGE NEXT TO YOUR PSYCHIATRIC MEDS. Oh wait now I got it. It is so simple like Occam said. YOU CAN’T MIX BEER WITH PSYCHE MEDS THEN GO ONLINE BLOGGING! BRILLIANT! So take your meds and pour the FUHRER'S BEER down the sink. Or you can try to sell it on EBAY and see if you can get some money together for psychiatric counseling you so badly need. I am sure after a few days of meds and shock therapy you will be fit for humanity again. Oh and please stop burning candles in your homemade Hitler Shrine it is a fire hazard, the all-night chanting gets on your neighbors nerves, and I am sure you could spend the money for the candles and Nazi dolls elsewhere like an actual Hair Salon instead of Supercuts at WalMart. Memo to the author was The Jackson Five Still Together when your hairstyle was in? Did Willie Nelson have all his original teeth when you hair style was in fashion? Was Elton John still straight when you hairstyle was still in? Things that make you say HMMMM..................

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  4.   treacle09 says:
    Posted: 12 Aug 09

    Another story printed in another the Guardian 2005 practically repeating the above. But at this point bleaching cream are meant to be illegal in the UK. [QUOTE] Young black and Asian women are using illegal and harmful skin bleaching creams in an effort to follow fashion. As The Observer has discovered, Gina is not alone - thousands of black and Asian British women are using similar creams to make them whiter. While some contain steroids which thin the skin, others contain the poisonous chemical hydroquinone, banned in Britain in January 2001. Hydroquinone interferes with the skin's pigmentation process and increases the risk of skin cancer. Anybody caught selling creams containing hydroquinone can be fined £5,000 or jailed for up to six months.... The Observer has learnt that this summer alone customs officers made two massive seizures of illegal skin-bleaching creams at Gatwick airport involving hundreds of thousands of products. ... when they inspected... were thousands of skin-bleaching products containing the illegal chemical hydroquinone... The adverts have a clear and simple message: dark skin means failure; fair skin is beautiful and equates to success. These images are not a throwback to apartheid South Africa or the slavery era in the United States, they are the images now staring out of products on thousands of shelves across the UK, not just in beauty salons but grocery stores, newsagents, even record shops. According to Sherry Dixon, editor of Pride - the lifestyle magazine for the British black community - the scale of the problem is alarming. She believes that in part it is propelled by the success of a new generation of black celebrities who have lighter skin, such as Beyoncé or Lil' Kim. She said: 'These creams are used by all ages and both sexes. It is a taboo subject. Nobody likes admitting they use the creams, but many do. They look to role models like Beyoncé and believe her success is because she is lighter skinned. This is a real problem and we need to tackle it from within.' ..... [quote] Those articles where printed quite a while back, I hope things are changing. I remember only a couple a months ago this year on TV, there was a really young dark skinned black girl (aged 6/7) with the longest and biggest, beautiful afro hair, the presenter asked the black girl "Who do you want to look like? She said Beyonce. The hairstylist then straighten her hair, and the girl was very happy. I can imagin and have heard more young black girls of a primary aged (4 -11)saying they would like to be like the Obama girls, ending on a positive note.

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  5.   treacle09 says:
    Posted: 12 Aug 09

    In this article from the Independent Newspaper printed back in 1997, talking about British Black women using skin lighter. [QUOTE] The lighter the better? As Naomi Campbell speaks out about racism, Dawn Daniels (left) reveals how more young black women are using skin lighteners to achieve the fashionable pale-skinned look Sunday, 13 April 1997 Skin lightener has always been available in one form or another, but there has actually been an increase in its usage in the past few years, especially among young black women. .... Elaine, a 22-year-old sales assistant from Manchester, who has been using these creams for more than a year, puts it bluntly. "I use it to be more popular. Everyone knows that in the black community, lighter skin is considered more attractive by a lot of people." Alison, 20, is a politics student. She doesn't use skin lighteners herself, but confirms Elaine's point. "It's mixed-race girls who get all the attention - this isn't jealousy, it's a fact. A lot of black men like light-skinned girlfriends, because white is still seen as successful, and the closer you can be to that ideal, the better. And because a lot of young black men are now pretty reluctant to have relationships outside their own race because of being criticised, they go out with light-skinned or mixed-race girls instead." Erica, a 19-year-old student, experienced this first hand. "I went on holiday to Barbados a few years ago with my twin sister, who is lighter than me, and men were always chatting to her, telling her how good-looking she was. They assumed she was a model and complimented her on how pale she was. I was totally ignored. I was really surprised." The health risks are well documented, but many women appear to be unaware of them, or are perhaps prepared to ignore them to achieve the "valued" look. Jessica, 24, says she would not even let herself go out into the sun, because she was so terrified of her skin darkening. "I know it seems really silly now, but at the time I was obsessed with being pale. I knew quite a few light-skinned black women who were always popular and successful and never had a shortage of boyfriends. Now I'm left with skin that is patchy and flaky and I don't think it will ever recover." Many women who use skin lighteners believe it has changed their lives - although this could have as much to do with an increase in their confidence as the lightness of their complexion. Sarah, 25, an unemployed graduate, used cream with a dangerously high hydroquinone content of eight percent for more than two years. "At first it was great," she says. "I was asked out a lot more and was also promoted. But then my skin started to go darker, no matter how much I used it, which, by this stage, was about three times a day. I also began to mix different brands, so it became difficult to apply make-up, because it would slide off my face after a few hours." But Sarah's problems didn't stop there. "Not long ago, I went to have a make-over done and the sales assistant asked me whether I'd ever used skin lightener. I denied it, but she knew, because she said there were tell-tale signs - such as dark and light patches and the texture of my skin was thinner. Now I can't wear make-up or expose my face to the sun. A dermatologist told me my skin is permanently damaged. My skin won't absorb anything, not even moisturiser." Esther, a 30-year-old student, used skin lightener when she was very young, growing up in a white neighbourhood. "I felt so isolated, I just wanted to look like all my white friends. I straightened my hair and started to use the cream and it wasn't long before that they began to notice. They seemed to be quite pleased that my skin was getting lighter, I was happy because they always complimented me on my colour, although looking back, I probably looked ridiculous. When I went to college, I started to hang out with other black people and realised I didn't need to look paler. I also grew out my straightened hair and grew dreads instead." Some people think that users of skin lightener only have themselves to blame when things go wrong, because they don't have a sense of their own identity and are too quick to accept a Westernised look. Women of African Caribbean origin who do something as simple as straightening their hair are especially singled out for criticism. "Many black people still have the slave mentality, you know, we're the underdog and always will be," says Jen, 24, an African Studies graduate. "Even during slavery, light- skinned slaves were always played off against the darker ones. Look at all the black stars who have had plastic surgery on their noses and lips to make themselves look more acceptable and won't even own up to it." Sarah adds: "It also doesn't help that loads of black men are going out with white women. It says to us, you're no use because you're black. I know that's not the only reason, but that's the message a lot of black women are getting." Whether people are prepared to admit it, an unofficial pecking order of lightness does exist. It's not unknown for black people to ridicule someone darker than themselves. As Yvonne, a 35-year-old teacher, explains: "There are just so many negative connotations associated with being black. I know this is really silly, but even in the film Planet Of The Apes, the light-skinned apes are the cleverest and the blackest are the dumbest.If people feel they can alleviate a lot of the stereotypes of being black by lightening their skin, who am I to argue? After all, not all black people want to be freedom-fighters - they just want to live their lives in peace and keep themselves to themselves." Some women are prepared to go to great lengths for this ideal, if not for themselves, then for their children. Michelle, 29, explains: "I want an easy life like everyone else, and if it means people are less likely to judge me solely on the basis of my skin colour because it's lighter, then that's fine by me. I have got friends who have purposely got pregnant by white men, so their children are mixed-race, and hopefully have a better start in life, because they're coffee-coloured. I'd never go that far." If racism is the underlying reason why black women want to lighten their skin, are attitudes noticeably changing? The answer seems to be an overwhelming no. "I'm sick and tired of white people telling me that people aren't as racist as they used to be," says Sarah. "In some ways, it is just as bad as when my parents first came over, it is just a lot more sophisticated. For example, how many models have you seen wearing their hair in it's natural state? How many who are dark-skinned, besides Naomi Campbell, are very successful? They all look like coffee-coloured Barbie Dolls and it's really depressing." Even Naomi Campbell herself feels pressure sometimes - as she explained in an interview with the Daily Telegraph last week. Although Diane, a 27-year-old solicitor, believes racism is a factor, she also thinks it's self-confidence or lack of it which makes all the difference to individual women. "I'm very dark-skinned, but I have never allowed my skin colour to get in the way of anything. I'm not so obsessed with the way I look to be influenced by black or white people's opinions of me based solely on skin colour." Not all black women can cope with the pressures of discrimination. It isn't surprising that many believe they will make their lives easier by lightening their skin. When I discussed this article with some of my white friends, they were completely perplexed as to the reasons why anyone would do it. After all, I don't myself. But women who use skin lightener aren't concerned with the desire to be white. They are concerned with attempting to lessen the effects of racism and sexism in their lives. They use skin lightener to try to gain respect and to be treated as an equal. [QUOTE}

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  6.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 11 Aug 09

    Knowledge is to be Shared , Enjoyment is just part of Livimg .

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  7.   nandi says:
    Posted: 11 Aug 09

    "I comes from a very simple minded understand of religious theology". Yes, you do, see I agree with you. Since you are of Jewish heritage, are you spending equal time spewing your simpled minded understanding or back to your stalking? It is a good thing the Jews learned from their mistakes and grew strong both here and in Israel? I guess they don't prescribe to the victim mentality...Perhaps you can have a talk with your kinfolk. Perhaps you could un-concern yourself with my posts or weekends and do whatever it is that you do, you know when you are not stalking me. I guess this is the part where you remove your picture and post back with the same name in a spew. Like name calling and other unmanly qualities. LOL

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  8.   ELLIOT says:
    Posted: 10 Aug 09

    Wow! That is about the most ignorant interpretation of the biblical scripture I have read since the Third Reich Diaries on he history. The author in her anti-semetic rantings seeks to castigate the Jewish people by saying, "Too bad those Jews did not realize that it was their unrighteous living that cast those plagues upon them. Not Pharoah or the Egyptians." As a person of Jewish descent I have hear similar rantings such as the authors before. I comes from a very simple minded understand of religious theology. Perhaps the author might want to put down her weekend warrior Benny Hen Sunday School books and actually seek formal trianing in theology before making what amounts to Nazi rhetoric during WWII.

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  9.   Co_Co_Latte says:
    Posted: 10 Aug 09

    I understand about not feeling beautiful because of an attribute that you cannot control because that is how you were born. As I grew up I was teased and called 'big nose' because my face hadn't grown into my nose yet. If someone called me pretty or beautiful as a young adult I never believed it because of the teasing I had endured for so long as a child. I was in my 20s before I believed in my own beauty. I accepted my nose and never had a nose job because I felt it wouldn't be natural. I do understand that our society treats lighter women better but I also know dark skinned women who are beautiful and stunning and gifted and talented. We cannot honor the ignorance in others. We have to honor the beauty within and without and not concern ourselves with the world. To mutilate yourself out of concern for what someone else thinks about you is sad to me. These women on Tyra's show are damaged and they are damaging their children. It is so sad.

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  10. Posted: 10 Aug 09

    Colorism can be defined as the practice of placing value on skin tones, with a preference for lighter skin. This behavior pervades the mentality of many cultural societies to such a large degree that many of us have become desensitized to it, and even have come to accept it as part of our own way of thinking. African American writer Maya Angelou comments on this issue in her book “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings”. The narrator says: "Wouldn't they be surprised when one day I woke out of my black ugly dream, and my real hair, which was long and blond, would take the place of the kinky mass Momma wouldn't let me straighten? My light-blue eyes would hypnotize them” Why is it that our society has this disturbing “color stuck” obsession? One factor comes from the enslavement of Africans, who were subsequently shipped out of Africa into the US and the Caribbean. Sexual relations between white masters and black slaves resulted in mixed children who bore more Caucasian features than other slaves, like a lighter skin tone and straighter hair and noses. These individuals were favored over darker slaves because they could “pass” for white, and were thus given more opportunities for education and to climb the social ladder. Thus the message black men and women learned was that European features were more desirable and were synonymous with social status and beauty. We still share this message today. However, colorism is more an issue within a racial or ethnic group, rather across racial groups. With colorism, people discriminate against their own people, by valuing lighter skin over dark skin. Look at any catalog, magazine or television commercial featuring an African American woman, and usually she will have a light skin tone, and straight hair, or that “nice” curly hair that is unlike the kinky texture most African Americans have. Watch those BET and MTV music videos. They feature such a high percentage of light-skinned video dancers that it’s almost a shock to see a woman with mocha or chocolate colored skin tones. Look at the Latino soap operas, where most of the star actors and actresses have European features and do not really represent the diverse range of features that the Latino population possesses. In many Asian cultures, people who have lighter skin are thought to be of a higher class, because they do not have to work in the sun, which would give them darker skin. This practice of colorism has affected our mentality so much-to the point where in our societies, young girls cannot wait till they’re old enough to relax their hair chemically (to make it straighter). To the point where some individuals have “light skin” as part of their criteria for choosing a mate. To the point where skin bleaching creams have become a standard item in the cosmetic bags of many women. Colorism. If you’ve never thought about it before as a problem, now is a good time to analyze how hurtful it can be to young women of color. It creates serious divisions among us, and can create a negative self-perception for those who aren’t born with the “right” skin tone and features. We all need to recognize colorism for what it is- a superficial, divisive, and destructive mindset. And if we can break that mentality within ourselves and refuse to reinforce it in our societies, then we can break the cycle of passing this practice on to future generations…and maybe one day soon colorism itself will be a legacy of the past.

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  11.   takinitall says:
    Posted: 10 Aug 09

    Wow this is really getting funny and silly at the same time. @ Whiteanprd Thank you so much for sharing your true feelings. However, I'd like to point out that if you actually read my response you will notice I agree that California has much more hate attacks than the south. Here's my quote "As far as being called a “Negroe” it’s funny because I hear it quite frequently. Which is ironic as I live in California; and one would think you would here it more in the South." :) Next time read the post (assuming you can read)completely before responding. Thank you for also viewing my pics and providing me your opinion. Although you may find me "morbidly obese" or "find it hard to believe someone as educated and positive about life, could not see the negativity and shortness of your own life." I am content with myself and enjoy my life; thanks for noticing that I am educated and positive about life. Oh besides you didn't post your pic, which makes me wonder how attractive are you that you are afraid to show your face. I may not be attractive to you and you "cannot see why White man on this site would want to date you", I'm actually dating a white man who I met on this site which is why my profile is hidden. Nevertheless, I appreciate your feedback and honesty of your opinion. Only thing I'm wondering is why are you on an interracial dating website, it doesn't seem like you care too much for people of color? Your ethnocentricism is very vibrant in your writing. @ ladylove1 Thank you for your lengthy reponse and clarification to your comments directed at NoPlayer. You stated that you are not angry, this is good! However, you seem to be a very strong writer :0. Why disect everything and attempt to invalidate my response, when you are only confirming them. Please compare your post from 8-5 to your recent post on 8-7 and maybe you will see what my concern was. I'm with No Player, I'm going to see Dr. Phil :). @ Homesteader Once again your posts has confused me. But my comment to you was not in agreement or disagreement. I was actually thanking you for sharing the law in Texas about self defense.

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  12.   Jazz10n1 says:
    Posted: 09 Aug 09

    when i think about this topic i think about the most talented singer of alltime king of pop who past this July , R.I.P Micheal .Some time i cant comprehend what will make ah person do what they do but there are so many outside an inside influences i cant begin to emagine but all i know i'm black an thats how god made me an wont have it any other way , cause i beleive once ah man loses his color he loses his streng to cope with the trials an tribulation that maybe thrust apon him or her . As black we are strong from thew begining of time an these women in that clip on have been psycologicaly been defeated by society .

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  13.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 09 Aug 09

    Noplayer : I got confused / May I take this time to Ask ? You quoted " I hold on to my cultural roots not because of some of the things you mentioned , but for the sake of being grounded ." Don 't Forget / Everyone is an Individual - who has to Daily perform the same acts in order to Enjoy this Life . Please allow me to Help . Try to retain your memory thru Good Eating Habits and tomorrom when you look in the mirror / You will be the same person you were yesterday - Older but the same Individual as When I look in my mirror I shall say to myself " See you Tomorrow ." My question " for the sake of being grounded ?" Excuse Me : People will do as they wish , that is Their Right to Life . As far as the Original Blog Topic is Concerned .

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  14.   nandi says:
    Posted: 09 Aug 09

    You are FAR from the morality police, as am I. Don’t delude yourself into thinking that your way of thinking is so much more superior than anyone else’s. The moral police is law enforcement, judical system and our penal system, for which I do not belong to. Of course everyone's moral compass is different ..Delude myself? I don't get that and I am sorry if my words and opinions make you feel inferior. Actually, you beef is with someone bigger than I...Normally, I don't do history lessons. But, I going to go with God's words on this.. When he freed the Jews from Pharoah and Egypt and the Jews started to enslaved, steal, drugs, murder, rape each other. Yep, God flung down the 10 commandments and told them explicitly that if you do not live by my rules you would die from them, too bad they relied on excuses/victim mentality to excuse their own behavior.Because God not only sent they wandering the desert for 40 years, God also sent down plagues and killed majority of them, why only 2 of the original Jews that fleed Egypt ever made into the promised land...I guess God doesn't accept excuses neither, oh well it is something you get or don't. Perhaps you could explain to God why that was unfair to the Jews, since they were victims of 1000 years of slavery. Even though their were freed and God battled the Egyptians for them and gave them a land of their own. Too bad those Jews did not realize that it was their unrighteous living that cast those plagues upon them. Not Pharoah or the Egyptians. So, I am going to keep boot strapping my way through life that God gave..not men. I will continue to hold myself accountable for my own actions..Since on my judgement day, I will be responsible for myself, my own actions and words. I do not ignore anything, however speaking of the Good Book, it is filled with war, slavery, ethnic cleansing etc..God never said life would be fair but I do love the options he and his son have given me. And since, I am going to stand on my own on judgement day, I will continue to go by God's word that I will be held accountable for every action/reaction and word I have spoken..Trust, I will take responsiblity for myself irregardless to the ills of this world that God himself said we would have to face. I will also continue to have love and compassion for all that God has created no matter the color of skin, because throughout the injustices of this world. Plenty of plenty no matter the color/race/ethnic group has united to bring humanity to inhumane occurences..That will crop up from time to time. This have become a futile debate, I am done.

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  15.   miri2008 says:
    Posted: 09 Aug 09

    Well I hope 'Ria' is somewhere quite pleased with 'herself' that her insightful and inspiring blog topic has served its full purpose in having someone like 'WhiteanPrd' make his bileful comments of August 6th. Thanks 'Ria' - you're the best! @WhiteanPrd, get over yourself. Nah, never mind, you don't need to... when you come down from the high of inhailing your selected drug of the illusion of superiority you will simply find the reality that you are trying to escape... You will go to work, and you will find that you will be reporting to me, a 'black' woman... LOL Really... no need to respond... I never engage in a battle of wits with unarmed persons...

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  16.   1nohana says:
    Posted: 07 Aug 09

    "I never mentioned “poverty” and critical thinking or a sociology class is a separate issue compared to a moral compass..You want to tie the criminal acts of gangs and drug dealers into racism..There are alot of poor people in the world and US, yet they do no kill, mane other people so they can enrich themselves, because if they do…They are still poor of the worst kind…They are poor minded…" And this is why I'm seriously aware that you actually DON'T get it. Racial bias still plays a massive part when it comes to poverty. In addition, you so willingly ignore the multitudes of other gangs that exist. You're even comparing BULLYING to GANGBANGING as if it were one and the same. And law, my dear, is part of my area of study. Bullying is QUITE against the law. That can constitute assault and/or battery. In addition, who is to say that your morality is better than anyone elses? When people are poor, they have to ADAPT because they resources that you or I have is limited to non-existent for them. America has never been a "Pull yourself up by the bootstraps" sort of society. Don't presume to think otherwise. Privilege has more of a bearing in the US than mere "hard work" - as evidenced by the amazing amount of hard working people that are poor. This is not a meritocracy, and attempting to confer morality as some sort of universality is pretentious on your part. "You want to excuse their behavior and the death and destruction they have caused in inner cities and NO Players, want to call killing, selling drugs and maming others Black kids as a bullying problem…So perhaps the problem is people like you and No player…How could you possibly care about “Black people and their ills…If both of you devalue the lifes of Black people along as you can tie into racism..So, I will replace your logic with my own. Thank You" Your logic, simply put, is fallacious. You're speaking for your own personal opinions and stating that all others who don't have it are devaluing the black experience. Is the black experience somehow monolithic to you? It's as diverse as any other set of people. Some have it easier, some are able to make their way out of the ghetto, some are unable to due to poverty that neither you nor I could fathom, everyone's situation is different. But you have stated, time and time again, that basically it's the problem of that person to not get out of the ghetto - which is one of the victim-blaming mentalities that I get entirely sick of. However, you fail to realize that poverty, racism and sexism ARE linked. To ignore one is to ignore the other. You are FAR from the morality police, as am I. Don't delude yourself into thinking that your way of thinking is so much more superior than anyone else's.

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  17.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 07 Aug 09

    Noplayer ; in the 1980's a friend of mine called me one Night from the Great State of Louisiana . He said to me " If you are not doing anything this evening , You need to drive over here and help me / As I am alone with Three High Yellows that would like to meet you . " People have been called many Names by others over the ages / Knot all these Names are used with any Disrespect toward others . As a child being Bullied by other Children on occasion , I myself felt badly when a group would carry on with Pollock Jokes to irratate me . After watching these same children years later being thrown into the back seat of the City Police Cruisers / I myself would Thank God that I had not taken the same route that they did . A female co-driver of mine along time ago told me that I should quit smoking as My skin was developing a Yellow tint . This did not do anything to me , other than Help me to quit Smoking . Last week after Blood tests which I have been periodicly taking for 9 years since my Heart attack . My Doctor advised me that I was showing Borderline Diabetes in my recent testing . This being the first time he had said this to me , I thought about what changes that I had made in my diet . Suddenly ; All the sodas and chocolate covered cashews that I have recently started to consume / came to mind . On my next visit for testing / I hope that by avoiding these treats that my Blood Sugar will stabilize . No one can do this for me Save Myself . I can Blame no one else for my Bad Eating habits / Alas I am able to change them myself . Is this not what intelligence is about ? Learning my life is controled by My own actions and knot Blaming others for Faults that I myself have Caused . History is What was / knot what Shall be . We must grow with the Changes in Life / Not constantly Repeat our own Mistakes .

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  18.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 07 Aug 09

    @ takinitall - thank you very much! I was only trying to be a smart-ass and funny at the same time. I had no idea that someone would read that much into it and begin pyschoanalyzing me. After reading that, I was ready to call Dr. Phil my damn self! She had me scared for a minute! LOL I trully believe she meant no harm, so it's all good. @ LadyLove1 I know my sarcastic rant may have left me wide open for your response but in all fairness, I don't think my first posting on this topic gave you much room to make the assumtions that you did about me and how I might be raising my children. As a BW I'm sure you know how it feels to have people make assumptions about you when they don't even know you. Now to the point! I hold on to my cultural roots not because of some of the things YOU mentioned, but for the sake of staying grounded. Living day to day in this crazy world has a way of slowly eroding your cultural foundation. Sometimes living in a foreign land, working around other people from various cultures, being treated as a representative of your ethnic group instead of a person can be a bit too much at times and being firmly rooted in your culture can be of support. Being culturaly grounded affrims you, it protects you from other people's definition of who you are and it allows you to sing YOUR SONG regardless of where you are or who you're with. As far as being maried to a white woman and ranting about BLACK POWER, maybe SELF POWER would have been a better choice of words but I was talking about black folks that need to tap into their own inner power that comes from there black selves. Maybe some feel as a BM married to a WW I shouldn't "GO THERE" but I believe it's possible to be married to a WW and still be unapologetically BLACK! Since this is a an IR site I'll close with some IR food-for-thought: Loving someone shouldn't mean losing your identity or apologizing for being who you are. True love allows the both of you to SING TOGETHER while maintaining your INDIVIDUAL HARMONY! As always, "no offense taken and hopefully none given!"

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  19.   LadyLove1 says:
    Posted: 07 Aug 09

    @takinitall, You asked for understanding/clarification on some of my comments. Re: "What do No Player's babies have to do with his opinions on being black?" He's their father. (And thank God they have a strong black man as a role model; one who's present in their daily lives.) Naturally, a parent's views and philosophies contribute to shaping the lives of their children. No Player mentioned how he "keeps Ebony, Essence and Black Women's magazines all over the house...keeps movies of positive [black] content...no matter who doesn't think they're beautiful, as their father, I do and the hell with what others may think!" I'd say this shows that his children remind him, inspire him, compel him to positively reinforce both his and their blackness on a consistent basis. They're simply interwoven and as a father, he also wears the hat of an educator - based on his "opinions, beliefs & experiences." And yes, with regard to him "being black", I certainly believe his children influence the expression of his heart-felt convictions. Re: "His babies are still black to society." Members of so-called "society" who see his children (based solely on mixed-race skin tone) may think they're Hispanic, Native American, Mediterranean, or Arabic for all I know! We [society] always seem so quick to judge because we have a tendency to stick with what's safe, what's familiar, more comfortable, easier to identify or comprehend with common labels. And the minute we color outside of the lines... Blacks, on the other hand, will see his children and immediately claim and frame them as being black. So I guess it all depends on which "society" you refer to. I'm not American, however, in 2000, the US Office of Management and Budget presented Census respondents with the option to mark one or more races on the questionnaire to indicate their racial identity - a race either alone or in combination with one or more other races. Does the OMB consider this progress by allowing the individual to label themselves as opposed to giving continuing free reign for "society" to do so? It certainly demonstrates some type of reconsideration, change in definition and/or labeling on the part of the US government. Who knows if Tiger, Halle, Alicia, President Obama, or my own biracial daughter (who lives in the US) filled out one of these revised questionnaires? And if they did/do, who knows if they won't be tempted to claim all of their pieces of the biracial pie? Attitudes change, they're altered - one individual at a time. And again, who knows if "society" will evolve to the point of live-and-let-live. Of course, we can only hope to progress that far. In another lifetime perhaps. Re: "After all, this is an inter-racial dating website, so I don't think anyone here is super militant." "Militancy" is termed as aggressive engagement or combativeness; warfare. It's surely not exclusive to any particular race. I expressed it as a fixed attitude, not a fixed racial profile. I definitely don't think the word "militant" is reserved for one specific ethnicity! I don't know the people blogging on this site and I wouldn't be so pretentious as to presume someone among them is "super militant." (Nor am I.) I'm not privy to what axes people may or may not have to grind. When I referred to "militant" in the blog, it was regarding comments made and my personal perception of them. I wasn't hurling insults at a total stranger. (These are simple blogs/opinions after all - not gospel.) It was not my intention to "attack" No Player with my comments inciting him to feel a need to, as you wrote, "defend his personal experience." Albeit, I must say, the original question "Beauty or breeding racism?" is a far cry from what I consider "inter-racial dating" scene material. I'm not the webmaster, I simply accepted the invitation to share my humble opinions. Re: "I think he [No Player] is proud and confident to be black as all of us should be." I didn't infer that he wasn't proud to be black. Honestly, I don't assume to know him personally. And with regard to "confidence", again, does it have anything to do with race - or gender, sexual preference or religion for that matter? Why even factor in race? I certainly can't speak for "all black people", but in my view, confidence relates to ones personal, emotional, professional and spiritual journey/fabric/well-being. It's a life-enhancing quality sought after by people worldwide - all colors of the rainbow. Re: "The problem is so many of us (I'm assuming you're referring to people of African descent) are under the illusion of inclusion..." Wow! Inclusion in what, where, when, why, how? This is much too broad, too illusive, to even attempt a response. Too many parameters, definitions, extreme limits, layers, too many paradigms, etc., etc. And finally re: "He simply has not forgotten that he is still a Black man regardless of who he's married to." Quite frankly, I seriously doubt if No Player ever "forgets he's black." As long as there are mirrors around, he'll see his reflection - literally and figuratively. Come on. Really. I'm not insulting anyone's intelligence with a hook like that. We can't even go there because there simply is no forgetting! But I will go out on a limb and say that I don't believe he contemplates "being black" 24/7. takinitall...I don't consider myself an "angry black woman." Anger for any extended period of time is extremely detrimental to ones health, happiness and evolution. And it doesn't do much for dating either. Peace

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  20.   WhiteanPrd says:
    Posted: 07 Aug 09

    Well, well a Nigga convention (just joking)…I find as a White male this dialogue both amusing and offensive to all the White people who have been beat over head with not calling Negroes, Niggaz and any other term that might hurt their feelings or risk being fired and or labeled a racist. Funny how Negroes talk about moving forward yet continuously break out the victim/racism card at leisure. I remember distinctly a couple of months ago when a parody on Obama of “Puff the magic Negroe”, hit the airwaves and everyone hollered racism and White people are hindering the success of racial tolerance. Perhaps those Negroes/Niggas could come read this blog and call a spade a spade. After all, these same Negroes did not spare Bush. Well since this is an interracial dating site, I will add my own opinion. Noplayer, I thought you people did not like stereotypes? Even though what you said was truth and definitely quite a few of Black Males/Females lives that life. Which is why I think it is wrong for White people and others to have to pick up the tab via prisons, drug rehabs, and welfare for your children, AIDS etc… And now your magic Negro president wants to force health care down our throats, because Black people are leading the obesity and related diseases that is costing others Americans with insurance 200 billion a year. Once again we must save silly Negroes from themselves. Because being fat is a choice, just like believing you are Nigga is a choice. Oh that's right for others it is a choice, for Negroes it is an medical problem, brought on my overeating and lack of exercise and to many 40ozs and of course racism. You know we can not pick on the morbidly obese and obtuse simply because they are Black. If you want respect you should act respectable, or perhaps you could go back to Africa- a genocide awaits. Especially since all the mending we have tried and succeeded to make things right, even with a African-American president, you are still whining. I could careless about your history because I did not have anything to do with it and quite frankly you are not the only people who have been enslaved, so get over yourself or not. Why would you bring that to an interracial dating site? Unless you have another agenda? Blogs are often filled with trolls this site is for people who are willing to move past the past, you want to spend it alienating others races/ethnic groups by racial slurs, stereotypes and epithets. Because if we White folks agree, we are racists of course. Elliot, perhaps you should start your own blog for issues concerning Blacks in America, since that is all you talk about the difference and, history not common ground amongst the diversity in America Takintall, I looked at your profile and you are exactly what I was preferring too, morbidly obese, I find it hard to believe someone as educated and positive about life, could not see the negativity and shortness of your own life. Why be an burden on society’s individual income and a heart attack waiting to happen? Negroe and nigga is not a term used in the South more so than California. After all, California has the highest amount of hate groups in the USA. I guess it is always best to check yourself before making unfounded and uneducated guesses. I was born and raised and still live in the South and the only thing we have down here is an abundance of fat Black people draining our economy. I guess that wasn’t politically correct. I notice you mention God a lot, nothing you have posted reflects a relationship with God and gluttony is a deadly sin. I cannot see why White man on this site would want to date you. I guess change do start with self! In the South, we have a past and a horrific one. However we have move forward with lessons learned and stirring the pot is not progress. Funny how the South gets blame for everything. Yet, the crime waves, racial attacks etc…are mainly in the Northern States, and let’s not forget the LAPD and Rodney King. So stereotyping the South? I thought that is what racists do. Oh, I forgot that only pertains to White Americans. Negroes cannot be racists and we should ignore their childlike behavior and own racism. Now please do not be offended, it was just my opinion. I notice it always the same three Negroes, shuffling along on this site offending most in their wake with racist rants and useless diatribe. If it was left up to me, I think the rest of the world should send Black Males back to Africa they can even take their Aunt Jeminas/Mamies with them and we marry the hot Black Chicks. I think that would end racism and Elliot could enlighten his own in Africa to the history of selling their own and still killing each other, No player, could entertain them with a minstrel show and the fat girl could cheer them on. But I do appreciate the opportunity to participate in such a progressive, open and honest conversation without be labeled a racist. Be Breezy Negroes

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  21.   WhiteanPrd says:
    Posted: 07 Aug 09

    WTF

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  22.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 06 Aug 09

    Mr. Jackson was a Man who did many Great things for many people . Please allow those that judged him wrongly in his life to Throw the first stone if they themselves were without Fault. May God Bless him .

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  23.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 06 Aug 09

    takinitall ; Seriously / This is an Inter-racial site designed with the intension of pairing up people of different Heritages . Everyone seems to be spending alot of time complaining about lack of Privilage due to color of skin . People / Adults are judged in everyday life mostly for their Actions and Reactions to others in Public Forums . Not being a Historian , with the proper Degrees in order to Quote exact dates and Names of those who Labored so Hard to bring brought forth the Changes that We as American Citizens Enjoy Today . I speak as an Individual who was Fortunate to find a Wife here on this site. 150 years ago + or - Laws were starting to change for All people to Enjoy the freedoms Granted by Being born Human Beings . My opinion ; Is that by throwing History books back in the classrooms were they belong and Attempting to Live in the Present day that shows Great Changes in Society . And looking for a Bright Future is where we should be . Crying over Spilth Milk and in doing so / Avoiding to Clean it up immediately . Seems to be the work of Lazy people . Born ; White , I was shown no more easy life than any other person . I married a Ladie with Chocolate Brown skin because it was my Choice . Many I have Known for years did knot approve of My choice in the Beginning of Our relationship . By watching Our Happiness Together for the past 28 months . Many of these people have Learned that We did knot get Married to make them Happy and they have changed in their Actions toward Us . Others / who We have met over this time have always seemed Comfortable to Enjoy the Changes we have shown together as a couple in Love . This site was knot Designed for constant Complaining about Different colors of Skin . This site was Designed in order to bring Happiness to Women and Men , who have the Intelligence to Realize in their Own Minds that Human Beings were indeed all born Equal .

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  24.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 06 Aug 09

    @ ELLIOT- Great insight into the historical context of this problem. Most people don't wont to dig into the history of this issue and many will say, " what does that old slavery history have to do with today?" You don't look into history to get stuck into, it's about gaining understanding. Before you can get to the heart of problem you have to look into it's history, doctors prior to treating you will look into your medical history, even a good mechnic will inquire about the history of the propblem with your car. I think people tend to over look their OWN contribution to this color madness. Look at how some of us as adults perpetuate this drama with our own children or those we know. "I can't stand her yellow ass", "he's always late with his black ass", "I love a fine chocolate man" or "she's a fine redbone!" Look at the negative or the positive comment that's place and then followed up by reference to the color of the person. Kids pick up on this before they ever learn to dissect the messages that are on tv and in the print media. What good it's it to teach them to value and love the color of their own skin when they hear us berate or compliment others while tying it into skin color. As parents we must not only be on guard against these outside forces but we must police ourselves and our words and make sure we don't poison the kids with this mess and it is a mess!! Once again good post ELLIOT!

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  25.   takinitall says:
    Posted: 06 Aug 09

    @ Nandi, Thanks for confirmining my information that bullying is against the law! :) My post was in response to your previous posting on August 3 that you wrote "Once again, attempting to steal someone’s jacket is a criminal act, stealing others jacket is a criminal acts, killing them for it, is a criminal act…Once again, Bullying is not against the law..". As far as the article it was bullying (clearly states it even in the title)! Regardless of what other states may call it (harrassment, terrorist threats intimidating, etc) as I stated before it's Bullying and is illegal. Thanks for the extra links I will add them to my favorites, I'm sure I will need them again! As far as being called a "Negroe" it's funny because I hear it quite frequently. Which is ironic as I live in California; and one would think you would here it more in the South. The word Negroe has many forms that it is used today such as Nigga, Nigg, Negroid, Negra, Negro. True story, when I was learning spanish and someone said to me "el chico negro pequeno", I thought they were being disrespectful. But once I learned the translation was "the little black boy" I was ok. @ Lady Love1 Please help me to understand what does No Players babies have to do with his opinions on "being black"? His babies are still considered black to society. Look at Tiger Woods, Halle Berry, Alicia Keys and Barack Obama all bi racial people, still categorized as "black". No Player doesn't seem angry to me. He is simply stating his opinions and defending them with his own personal experiences. After all this is a inter racial dating website so I don't think anyone here is super militant. I think he is proud and confident to be black as all of us should be. The problem is so many of us are under the illusion of inclusion, and he simply has not forgotten that he is still a Black man regardless of who he's married to or lives. To me some of the women here seem angry in their posts, but maybe they are just very strong writers! Besides I believe No Players last response was being sarcastic and facetious to Nandi's post to him. @ Homesteader Your post bewildered me, until I got to the part about Texas allowing you to defend yourself using deadly force. Wow! I'm moving to Texas! You know I just though about something. For years Micheal Jackson denied skin bleaching and said he had vitaligo. Now that he's past away, it's been revealed that he used bleaching cream to even out his skin from the vitaligo. Melanin is our natural sun block and protectant. If we bleach our skin, we are opening ourselves up to harmful UV rays that could cause aging, burning and skin cancer. I throw this out there in response to the comparison of bleaching to hair weaving. I'm not a cosmetologist, but I don't think a weave can cause harm to your health. Is vanity or acceptance worth dying for? As I stated in my initial post, I worry for the babies in this segment. Their sensitive skin, being exposed to such harsh chemicals, and not to mention the emotional abuse.

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  26.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 06 Aug 09

    @ LadyLove1 It's not that serious, I was just trying to add some sick humor. I didn't want folks to think I was making my exchange with Nandi more than what it was. I'll stay away from that which humorously profane and stick to that which is more profound. As far as my family is concerned I keep things balanced without giving into extremes but thanks for the warning. I appreciate your of concern for my emotional state (I'm serious) but trust me, life has trully been good to me and I'm grateful, so don't think I'm angry. @ Nandi you and I may disagree on some things but I respect you and enjoy reading your post, so keep on keeping on! Best wishes!

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  27.   MsdontPlay says:
    Posted: 06 Aug 09

    Well I must say this is a very touchy situation with me. All of my life people have made statement like”You are pretty to be so black.” When I was you I was just happy to get a compliment standing next to my light skinned friends. It made me feel less than as a person, but it also made me stronger because I knew I always had to be a step above the rest.

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  28.   Shotgun007 says:
    Posted: 06 Aug 09

    To:Elliott, another excellent post, as ususal!! Thanks,

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  29.   sg says:
    Posted: 06 Aug 09

    I totally agree with Nandi's post.

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  30.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 05 Aug 09

    Born caucasion , in a lower middle class family / that taught me how to Work bye the hour and live an Honest Life . When I graduated high school the wage for washing dishes was $ 1.00 an hour . Yet , I found a job at a trailer diner and went to work , the one thing that a Hard working dishwasher did have was a Magnificent Meal Everyday . Color of skin has totally nothing to do with becoming an Adult with dreams of a Better Future / Each in his or her own way has the same choices to make in Life . Education can make it easier to survive / Alas those who Terriorize , Vandalize ,Steal and make another a Victim in myu case were of my own White color . Destructive behavior / comes from people who were not taught to Respect all others . Many of these people become Wards of the State . With steel walls and bars to look through . I have been on this site for 7 years now . What Excuses that I read about are always color related . Become an Adult and Blame the causes on each individual as to how they carry themselves in Daily life . Criminal actions and problems people with lower Morals have are Self Inflicted . Because they took the wrong turn on the highways of Life . After calling Law enforcement for help , Many times -the J.P. finally called me and told me to handle it myself as a law was passed to enable Texas Residents to Protect themselves , their families and their Personal Property with Deadly Force if necessary . Without Lawsuits to take what I had worked all my life to Legally Own . If you are intelligent enough to Operate a computer , Possess the time to do so / then Blaming others for your Faults is a Cop out . Grow up . As your problems come from your own doing .

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  31.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 05 Aug 09

    We humans are who we are, with all of the bigotry, and yes, all of the racism. However, there are people who live on this planet without being shackled to the past. And without necessarily making it public, there are people who lovingly contribute to the good of humankind. People are much busier today, and dealing with much more stress. Being preoccupied by race is truly a sign - in my humble opinion - that one truly doesn’t have a sane life. Well said LadyLove1

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  32.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 05 Aug 09

    good negroes? African-Americans have not been called that since the civil rights movement and I believe two many people died (Black and White) for us to be atleast be called Black individually and African-Americans collectively. It is offensive and racists due to the time period in which is was used. Somehow since you are Black you feel you can call others that name and then talk about "treatment" by whites (In regards to Dr. Gates). However, let agree that we will always disagree and it is your choice to post a reply to me, the adult thing would be to not....Because "Negroes"...perhaps you consider that okay, but I don't...Don't care what color states it. Sorry, I find nothing funny about destructive behavior, it is truly sad.

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  33.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 05 Aug 09

    If we look inward instead of outward, maybe some would finally get a clue and realize that it’s a weak position to take when blaming others for your reactions. Although I am aware of some of the challenges certain communities face and can also relate to them, but this goes back to accountability. I cant stress the word enough. Shotgun...Exactly And that is no matter what community you live in....

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  34.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 05 Aug 09

    No Player Why would you want to be like me and not yourself? hmm...There are plenty of poor people who are Black/White/Asian/ Latino etc...Who manages to be self-sufficient and self-responsible and make it...All poor people do not come from the inner city or public housing etc... I am not into ghetto politics or stereotypes, however I support your right to your 40 oz takintall, I do not do internet posting of resumes, by so far from the government of USA, there is only 15 states with anti-bullying legislations and they are anti-bullying agendas and prevention...That lady was charged with harassment not bullying.. Current state laws on bullying State Citation California Cal. Ed Code § 35294.2 (2001) Colorado Colo. Public Act No. 02-119 (2002) Connecticut Ct. Public Act No. 02-119 (2002) Georgia Ga. Code Ann. § 20-2-751.4 (2001) Illinois ILCS § 105 5/10-20.14 Louisiana La. R.S. 17 § 416.13 (2001) New Hampshire N.H. RSA 193-F (2000) New Jersey N.J.S.A. 18A:37-13-18 (2002) New York NY CLS Educ § 2801-a (2002) Oklahoma Ok Stat. 70 § 24-100.2 (2002) Oregon Ore. Laws 617 (2001) Rhode Island R.I. Gen, Laws § 16-21-24 (2001) Vermont V.S.A. 16 § 565 (2001) Washington RCW 28A.300.285 (2002) West Virginia W.Va. Code Ann. § 18-2C-1 (200 stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/HHS_PSA/pdfs/SBN_Tip_6.pdf

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  35.   LadyLove1 says:
    Posted: 05 Aug 09

    In response to No Player's comments/post: As a black woman, I think No Player seems/sounds terribly angry - even though he signs off on his post with "Peace." He has "mixed raced" children, and no doubt they're very beautiful, and most likely "light-skinned." He seems to be ranting about "Black Power" but has obviously married a Caucasian woman. I think he has unresolved issues more directed at his own life & blackness. The aggressive tone of his post is borderline militant. Who knows, perhaps he's in the US military, stationed in Germany? A little ticked that he's far from the home neighbourhood? That's the deal when one signs up with Uncle Sam. No Player may be overcompensating for his and his children's "blackness" by having an over-abundance of black culture magazines and videos "all over the house." So where does his children's German culture come into play? Or does it? He doesn't mention that at all. Your children are bi-racial No Player. Don't expect them to be apologetic just because you're coming to terms with your own blackness et al, or lack thereof. Don't spoon-feed your kids on being black...it may backfire. Surely, they love their mother as well. Just lead by example, a proud affirmative example. If you're married to a Caucasian woman today, raising your bi-racial children in absolute freedom, then do the math. Times have changed; it's a new reality; true love is colorless (it can also be bi-racial). Get over your anger; leave it behind in a healthy way. Move onward and upward for the sake of your children. You don't have to petition or raise any flags for your blackness. Just live your life with your loving family and friends - to the best of your manly ability. And don't expect Utopia; this World is far from "peace, love & understanding." We humans are who we are, with all of the bigotry, and yes, all of the racism. However, there are people who live on this planet without being shackled to the past. And without necessarily making it public, there are people who lovingly contribute to the good of humankind. People are much busier today, and dealing with much more stress. Being preoccupied by race is truly a sign - in my humble opinion - that one truly doesn't have a sane life. As for the bleaching" of ones skin... I think this issue definitely extends far beyond being just skin deep. It may well be a matter more related to ones very soul; a perturbed spirit. Where do you propose we place the root cause, any so-called blame? On parents, family, neighborhoods, schools, communities, banks, health care, law enforcement, bosses, co-workers, corporations, government, country, history, world order? The bottom line is that each person is both responsible and accountable for how he or she perceives the World, how he or she chooses to live his or her life. Let's just do the best we can, under our own circumstances. There's no indispensable woman or man - regardless of skin color! Peace

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  36.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 05 Aug 09

    @ nandi " the victim's mentality" and "I can tell your from the hood that skewed logic always back fires and and of course it's everyone elses fault but THEMSELVES." Just because someone disagrees with "YOUR LOGIC" doesn't mean they're wallowing in victimizaton. It's not where you were raised but how you were raised! Yes I'm from an all black community that turned into the " THE HOOD" but my parents didn't allow me to become "A HOOD"! Nandi maybe you're right! I'll knock the chip off of my shoulder, put down the 40oz, stop thinking the world owes me something, develope a better attitude, pull myself up by my bootstraps, cast down my bucket where it is, get off government assistance, start going to church on sunday for the service and not a free sunday meal, get a job, stop ducking my babies mamas when it's time to pay child support, stop blaming white people and good negroes for my problems, and stop playing and spades until 3 in the morning so I can get up in the morning and be on time for my GED class! With a little hard work and a whole lot of GOD, I can be just like YOU! Thanks for letting me know there's hope for me and the rest of us VITIMS from THE HOOD! Nandi don't get mad at me I was just trying to give you a good laugh.

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  37.   Shotgun007 says:
    Posted: 04 Aug 09

    I mean't shotgun007 not just 007, sorry everyone, I guess I was so eager on my previous entry. Again, another post that makes complete sense and most importantly debates a specific issue/focus. If we look inward instead of outward, maybe some would finally get a clue and realize that it's a weak position to take when blaming others for your reactions. Although I am aware of some of the challenges certain communities face and can also relate to them, but this goes back to accountability. I cant stress the word enough. Okay, this is my last post, since I've gotten off the subject here. Shotgun007

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  38.   takinitall says:
    Posted: 04 Aug 09

    No Player, Great break down of the difference between bullying and gang activity. Keep doing what you do and moving forward. Nandi, Bullying is against the law and is illegal and a criminal act. Some states may call it terrorist threats some may call it bullying, but in every state it is illegal. There was a mother and daughter arrested for bullying in Indiana. Here's the link if you care to read the aticle. I swear it's crazy as hell. I can provide you with even more states and articles if you like to read about them. http://www.kare11.com/news/whatsup/whatsup_article.aspx?storyid=511744 Also, every state must have an anti bullying section in their education code and school districts must write an anti bullying policy. I don't know if you have kids, but if you do check out their schools policy. You also often reference having a "moral compass". This is great, but remember "one person’s moral compass may not point in the same direction as another’s as far as right and wrong conduct and belief are concerned." No Player and Nandi, I don't think No Player "elected to run from the issues of the inner cities, why forcing everyone else to understand and accept it", I think he chose a different direction to go in life that was best for him. I chose to attend college and move out of the "inner city". This does not mean I'm running from anything. It simply means I feel more comfortable living somewhere else, since I can. However, I feel it is important for me to give back; I do this by mentoring younger girls, providing scholarships, chose to teach in the "inner city" (when I taught), provide pro bono services for low income families and volunteer whenever I have the opportunity. God has blessed me to reach a point of financial and emotional stability. I promised myself and God that I will do everything in my power to enrich the lives of my children and others. I am thankful that we are able to wake up in the morning and walk to the beach. I am also thankful for my life experiences, which has taught me to appreciate everything even more. Sell out, I am not; I just don't buy into where I live determining if I am true or not. Hope I don't sound to nerdy; but I really don't care. I don't know everything, but what I know, I know well! One of the benefits of going to college and experiencing many positive things in life.

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  39.   surprised says:
    Posted: 04 Aug 09

    @Nandi and No Player You both have made some very insighful comments and I enjoy reading them all! @Onelove thanks! Black is Beautiful

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  40.   ELLIOT says:
    Posted: 04 Aug 09

    We must look to the intent of each individual to make a determination of whether the bleaching of skin is undertaken as a mechanism to erase racial identity or simply for the purpose of cosmetic grooming. If one seeks to erase a prominent physical ethnic feauture based solely on shame that the ethnic feature would identify the individual as belonging to a certain ethnic group then such a act is undertaken in the mode of self hate and shame of their ethnic group. In contrast, if an individual seeks to undertake cosmetic surgery solely for the purpose of beautifying their appearance with no ethnic erasing motivation behind their actions then such a consmetic conversion is not racially motivated. However, their is a degree of ambiguity as to the whole process. The ambuguity comes in terms of how the individual defines beauty. If beauty is solely define by the individual as everything of another ethnic group and nothing of their particular ethnic group then again a race issue beomes present. For example, John states, "My nose it to big I am going to have cosmetic surgery to shorten it." John intent is not racial based but solely cosmetic based. However, if John states, " Afican Americans have big ugly noses, therefore; I am going to have cosmetic surgery to change my ugly African American nose" John's intention is solely race based. The individual who possesses such a mental state has a self hate complex based solely on their ethnic identity. Man factors play a role in how African Americans in America traditionally viewed skin tone amongst themselves. Slaves of lighter skin tones were oftentimes the product of an interacial sexual encounter sometimes consensual and sometimes by force. A mulatto child upon the traditional European model of the orgin of men classifications was seen as possessing some portion of their European fathers intellectual capacity thus making such a interacial child superior to all noninteracial Africans. Such interacial children oftentimes reeived preferential treatment from their master and sometimes were educated or given the masters old clothing. These children were also oftentimes allowed frequent passes to leave the plantation or travel witht he masters son or daughter when they left for college. Indeed it is quite easy to understand why slaves of a darker skin texture began to build a resentment towards lighter skinned slaves who received more favorable treatment by European Americans. Misdirecting their anger, oftentimes; darker skinned slaves frequently verbally attacked the lighter skinned slaves as being sellouts or house ni**ers. Many slave masters seeing the loyalty benefit of possessing interacial slaves as trustees over the darker skinned slaves would only allow their interacial slaves to enter into interacial mariages or only breed with other interacial slaves. Thus a class system began to evelop within the slave system of the plantation. This resentment continued post slavery with light ex-slave communities forming post the civil war. Light skinned African Americans would oftentimes refuse admittance to dark skinned African Americans seeking to join organizations, churches, societies, or entertainment events. This right of reffusal to darker skinned African Americans by light skinned African Americans was oftentimes referred to as the paper bag test. Churches would not allow members to attend their services if their skin tone was darker than a paper bag placed on the ouside of the church door. Many fathers of light skinned dauhter sought to marry their children off to European American men up north or in Europe in hopes of their daughter producing a child posessing no African features. Such a child was seen as transcending the interacial family into racial acceptance by European Americans. One of the largest and most famous African American burgeoise mulatto socieites post slavey existed in New Orleans. As African Americans began to flocks to unban inner city centers seeking protection from Klan and other race hatred groups light skinned and dark skinned African Americans were suddenly forced to reside as neighbors in the sprawling urban centers of places like Chicago, New Orleans, New York, DC ect...The lighter skinned African Americans were oftentimes able to obtain bank loans to start black businesses in the African American neighborhood whereas the darker African Americans loan applications were oftentimes rejected. Race did in-fact play a role in the banks decision to lend money to Afican Americans and which type of African Americans to lend the money too. Lighter skinned African Americas in most cases were put in charge of work details for African American crews at factories in the industrial centers and thus were paid more than their darker skinned counterparts. Higher pay lead to more income thus leadng to better housing and ammenities for lighter skinned African Americans. Therefore, once agian the ommunities began to split and the light skinned African Americans seperated themselves from the darker skinned African Americans setting up their own segregated communities in the urban centers. againt he rise of light skinned only civic organizations, churches, entertainment outings, parties ect... urged on the racial divide between dark skinned and liht skinned. The civil right movement at large did bring together the light skinned and darker skinned communities allowing them to organize into one solid front. Light skinned African Americans who had long segregated themselves from darker skinned African Americans began to realize that their ability to gain equality in society was only as good as the righs of the darkest African Americans rights. Many dark skinned African Americans put aside their disdain for the lighter skinned counterparts and looked past the history of subjegation and poor treatment by lightr skinned African Americans. Post the civil righte movements the introdution of race films (black movies) again brought seperation between light and dark skinned blacks by only casting light skinned women in prominent roles while excluding dark skinned African American women. This media depiction pattern would continue as the mass media exploded over America. BET videos and MTV video oftentimes depict beautiful Africam American women as being light skinned while excluding dark skinned women in leading roles. To examine the past is how one can interpret the causation of the present or future events. Present sense impressions are immediate responses and individual has to viewing a certain event. Because of the overwhelig influence of media (especially BET) in portraying light skinned women in videos as being desireable for African American men while virtually excluding dark skinned African American women Many African American men have a present sense impression that automatically associates light skin with beauty. For example is a man from Egypt visited Atlanta Georgia for a month and only watched the News the Egyptian man might only see the overwhelming majority of criminal arrest in Atlanta as being African American. The Egyptian man migh form a present sense impression that associated African American men with criminal activity because that is all he has viewed. However, of you take the same Egyptian man to IOWA and he only sees European American men on the news being arrested for Meth he will associated European American men with drug dealer and addicts. These are present sense impressions which can easily be caused by the media. It does not mean all African Americans are criminals or all European Americans are Meth dealers or users and each individual should be accessed as an individual and not as a group based. This being said the present sense impressions are currently changing as more dark skinned women are getting receiving jobs as news reporters, announcers, Actors, video dancers and getting more leading roles on ovies and tv shows. With more exposure the present sense impression changes and society begans to lose the foolish notion that skin color is a determination of beauty. African American men lose the outdated belief that the lighter skinned woman grants them a position of status in society. Non-African Americans peoples seeking to date an African American women loose the foolish notion that a darker skin African American women makes for a more authentic dating experience and open themselves to dating light and dark african american women based on the content of their characer and not their skin hue.

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  41.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 03 Aug 09

    NO PLAYER Don't back peddle not and revert to your support system of victim's mentality....For example your words... "Nandi, I’m not into trading low-blows or taking cheap shots at people and as a result, I’ll end this wishing you nothing but PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I believe your post to me started and ended like this... Nandi, Please!!!! Nandi, did you really think before you wrote this! You started off with "low blows and cheap shots"...to another person, yet claim you are into doing that..Do tell You can skip the resume, don't know, don't care...However if you one your opinion respected than you have to respect others and skip past the ones you disagree with that would provoke you to "lower those standards of not trading cheap shots" That is what adults do all the time... For example: THE BULLY wouldn’t kill me for wearing the wrong colored jacket, if he liked the jacket, he’d try and take it, if I let him. Once again, attempting to steal someone's jacket is a criminal act, stealing others jacket is a criminal acts, killing them for it, is a criminal act...Once again, Bullying is not against the law.. But, I can tell you are from the hood that skewed logic always backfire and of course it is everyone else fault but themselves.... And if you are so concern about being mistreated, perhaps you could focus on treating others with the same respect you would want for yourself...It really does set a standard for your life... For example, if you do not like my posts, don't response and if you have a different view, pose it in a adult and respectful manner. And if you choose not to, don't cover it up by saying what you don't do... To keep from possibly killing a young BLK male just like me, I joined the army as a means of getting away from that posibility, so I possibly spared the life of THE BULLY and THE GANGBANGER. All that means to me is that you elected to run from the issues of the inner cities, why forcing everyone else to understand and accept it...And preaching about it daily on a blog that is geared towards people without limitations and interracial relationships...Which means you are on the wrong site... However to each its own...

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  42.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 03 Aug 09

    007 Great post...Thank you for your response and you are exactly right...Change starts within and depends of your attitude, character and moral compass. If a person have that, they would never fork the blame on anyone for the direction and status of their own lives. You have choices irregardless...I choose to live my life irregardless to the negativity of this world.

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  43.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 03 Aug 09

    @ Nandi "You want to excuse their behavior and the death and destruction they have caused in inner cities and NO Players, want to call killing, selling drugs and maming others Black kids as a bullying problem…So perhaps the problem is people like you and No player…How could you possibly care about “Black people and their ills…If both of you devalue the lifes of Black people along as you can tie into racism..So, I will replace your logic with my own. Thank You" Ok, allow me to defend myself. I don't know you are where you grew up but I was raised on the Northside of St. Louis, MO. I've delt with bullys and I've delt with gangbangers and there's a difference between the two. One's a pain in the ass while the other might kill your ass! For example: THE BULLY wouldn't kill me for wearing the wrong colored jacket, if he liked the jacket, he'd try and take it, if I let him. THE GANGBANGER would more than likely shot me for wearing the wrong colored jacket. I'm far from stuck on stupid,ok! To even think that I would "devalue the lives of BLACK PEOPLE as long as I can tie it into racism", is a slap in the face to me. To show how much I do value the lives of BLACK PEOPLE, in 1993 I spotted a US Army recruiter at a stop light and waved him down and 7 weeks later I was on my way to Ft Knox, KY for basic training. To keep from possibly killing a young BLK male just like me, I joined the army as a means of getting away from that posibility, so I possibly spared the life of THE BULLY and THE GANGBANGER. I killed three birds with one stone, I may have saved my life, I greatly improved it and I didn't have to take someone else's life, so there have you. NOPLAYER is not part of the problem, I'm a married man, a father, US Army veteran, US Dept. of Defense employee and a supporter of my community, trust me, I'm not "THE PROBLEM"! Nandi, I'm not into trading low-blows or taking cheap shots at people and as a result, I'll end this wishing you nothing but PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  44.   onelove says:
    Posted: 02 Aug 09

    black is beautiful and god made u to be the color he wanted u .... please stop using that stuff ,, beauty is within, character is the direct representation of beauty... there is always someone for someone no matter of our features,, coming from a white man who dates black women because of their color... i hope and pray you beautiful black queens immediately stop this madness.... there is so many other things that make you attractive like conversation,, intelligence,, stop letting society predict who u are... love and put god first above all ... onelove

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  45.   007 says:
    Posted: 02 Aug 09

    To-Nandi You made some really valid points. And I’m gonna get off the subject here…sorry….but Last semester, I took an Organizational Behavior graduate course and we had to write a paper about a given passage that we were assigned to read. My group & I had to defend our position on an article about Africans/blacks in the US treatment vs. Caucasian/white employees. Which included treatment in all walks of life and the difference in reactions to one’s own community of problems. We used the Critical Race Theory to support our position on how and why perception, individual roles, changes in educational/political/equal rights/ have helped shape entire mindsets and we looked at direct correlations between cause & effect for both races. I'm so glad you mentioned this in your post above. Yes we deal with perception and race issues almost daily in my opinion, but one of THE most important factors that contribute to community destruction...is lack of self awareness/accountability. Getting back to the Article Title I think women and men in general sometimes carry a naïve outlook on what is true beauty but then again, we have Mass Media pushing it down our throats on billboards, magazines, television and everywhere else. So I guess my biggest focus (when I have a child of my own), is to raise that child to know and love themselves first from within. If you notice people with strong inner cores and healthier value systems don’t look to artificial beauty & or to cast blame or fault in others. A lot of good points were brought out on this board! Thank you for reading my post!

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  46.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 01 Aug 09

    1nohana Instead of attributing all of social ills to poverty, really think about what has more of a detrimental effect than just poverty, particularly when gangs are more than just an issue of poverty. Instead of that same tired talk about “Black people need to pull themselves up by the bootstraps,” really EDUCATE yourself in the matter of race. A sociology class, Critical Race Theory or any of Tim Wise’s writings are a great place to start. I never mentioned "poverty" and critical thinking or a sociology class is a separate issue compared to a moral compass..You want to tie the criminal acts of gangs and drug dealers into racism..There are alot of poor people in the world and US, yet they do no kill, mane other people so they can enrich themselves, because if they do...They are still poor of the worst kind...They are poor minded... You want to excuse their behavior and the death and destruction they have caused in inner cities and NO Players, want to call killing, selling drugs and maming others Black kids as a bullying problem...So perhaps the problem is people like you and No player...How could you possibly care about "Black people and their ills...If both of you devalue the lifes of Black people along as you can tie into racism..So, I will replace your logic with my own. Thank You Perhaps you should research what a moral compass is..It is truly a great start...Because it starts and ends with "SELF".

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  47.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 01 Aug 09

    @ Nandi-- I apologize for my mixing up your quote with suprised. @ surprised-- You are on point, with your statement, no disagreemnet here! Peace!

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  48.   Siolav says:
    Posted: 01 Aug 09

    Just as I am late reading this article on skin bleaching, I think it is about time to address the issues around racism and skin color.Fighting for equal rights was inevitable and we, Black people, should be proud of ourselves for the long hard struggle that has gotten us thus far. Slavery has been in exsistance since the beginning of mankind, but it has been extremely brutal in these United States and in places where the slave masters practiced the most fundamental Christian beliefs. Extreme punishment, sinning, the wrath of God, no dancing, wives as property...I could go on and on. Of course when you hate yourself, your'e going to blame everyone and everything outside of yourself. You are the righteous one. If you are the conquerer, your chattel are baser than you and mere animals and are treated accordingly. How else could human beings be treated in such horrific ways? Now in the year 2009 we continue to fight for freedom and equality; fighting it from within ourselves. The skin bleaching problem,(and it is a problem), is a carry over from the days when the slave master breeded white and black as well as native to make the house slaves tolerable to be around. This caused the barrier between the house slave and the field slave and the hatred that carries on today. The beating and mistreatment of women and children are also carry overs of these fundamental beiefs if you really look at it. The time we live in now, especially with a black man as president of the U.S., is a time when we will look at these old wounds and heal them. It will take time, but as always in evolution, we get better and continue on the path of Truth. Calling attention to the skin bleaching was and is a good thing. Good hair and bad hair is another problem. Let's call attention to all problems of "Psychological slavery". It's time to take a real look at ourselves and who we really are.

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  49.   takinitall says:
    Posted: 01 Aug 09

    @ Nandi We are just going to have to agree to disagree on this one. If that young lady has issues with thin people, then she's just as guilty as you assuming something is wrong with a overweight persons health. I personally hate when women rag on each other. Which is why I am not a fan of the comedian Monique or Wendy Williams. Since I am secure with my sexuality, I see no need to be concerned with the flaws of other women. I can appreciate my and other women for their beauty. And confidence is the sexiest attribute anyone can have. Everyone has their preferences in life. Everyone just needs to find the person for them regardless of skin tone, weight or hair texture. I watch people and I love to see couples who society feel doesn't match (fat woman and skinny man); for some reason they allways look super happy and it's a beautiful thing. My girlfriend gave me the greatest advice for dating. She suggested I chose one thing I dislike about myself and find a man who adores it. I did just that and I am no longer insecure about my breast.

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  50.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 01 Aug 09

    surprised Amen, couldn't agree with you more!!! 1nohana I also believe that blog room disputes are just as futile and you certainly do not know me, to know what I am aware of...If you want to focus on racism in everything, everyday....That is you. I could no more care about a racists as I do people who feel that I outta stay focused on it.... Race is definitive. It’s fallacious to assume that it isn’t - because if it weren’t definitive, why should sites like this exist? The question is why are you here, this is not a site to race bait.....Actually, this site exists for the mingling of non-racists, because we have evolved as a country and this site is here because contrary to your rant...People of different races find Black Women/Men attractive and desirable and wish to establish relationships with them.... Why should you consider one way or another my need to educate myself to your way of thinking...When clearly I do not...So perhaps, since race issues, institutionalized racism etc... is such a concern of yours and a priority in your life...What is wrong with you being you and me being me...Isn't that what you people want to be "respected" for who and what you are? Because that goes both ways. I will quote a fellow blogger and then I am done with this issue.... "never implied that it would stop the racism or hatred that is directed towards us, but if you have a life and take care of your business when would you have time to notice or give a damn about what some bigot thinks of you. I have my own business and I am speaking from my own personal experience. I have created my own opportunities and yes I still experience tremendous racism. So What!! I am not broke and begging the white man for a handout. So I do not feel the need to bleach my skin to fit in with him." If you cannot understand or respect that, perhaps you should educate yourself.... The rest of your rant on why Black Women change their image, bleach, hair weave etc...I figure that is their perogative, and if it is because they feel less than...Surely, they are not waiting for those "racists" to tell them they are pretty and acceptable... Really doesn't make any sense...Talk about much to do about nothing... But here a clue... You will never find validations from people who don't like you for any reason, if you want to spend your life attempting to get other approval and validation...go for it...But leave me out of it, please.

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