Best reason to avoid first date sex

Posted by Ria, 03 Jul 09

benefits.jpg

Some say it’s immoral to have sex on the first date; others say it drives away ‘relationship material’. Well, I don’t plan on going down that road. Instead, I will give you one more reason to avoid first date sex – SEX is that reason.

Apparently, holding out on the magic - if only for one night (and subsequent dates if you can) will improve your sex life with your date in future. When a sexual barrier is in place, it makes a couple explore the other available possibilities … the wonder of kissing, finger tracing and teasing … Its like you train to become better kissers, caressers because you end up exploring and discovering. Such are the little luscious details that get rushed over when a couple is anxious to ‘get it on’.

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Ladies (and gents ;-) ), the issue here isn’t just about the sex, it’s also about how you break the 'bad' no-sex-today news to your date. Don’t make him feel there is no way in hell he is getting in your pants. Instead, make him take it as a challenge … make him want to get you to want him … that will bring out the best lover out of him. He will put more effort and creativity into to it.

And if someone can’t wait, help them to the door. It probably would have been a hit-and-run thing for them. And if you end up going back at your NO SEX words later on, trust me, the sex and the date in general will benefit from those hours of deferral you managed to muster.

Do you believe avoiding first-date sex pays dividends down the line?

66 responses to "Best reason to avoid first date sex"

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  1.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 13 Sep 10

    Hell, I don't believe in sex before marriage let alone on the first date. I am guilty of having sex with my fiancee who cheated on me and then dumped me after five years of being engaged but I still regret that and think friendship and compatibility is the most important thing in a relationship and sex clouds proper judgment. And why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? That is why I became a marriage counselor to try to do premarital counseling to make sure couples don't base their relationship on falsehoods and aren't clouded by their lust for each other. Friendship and compatibility first and then show you commitment to that one person through marriage and then sex will be fantastic. The more you have sex outside of marriage, the more baggage you carry into future relationships and eventually your marriage if you ever do decide to get married and some baggage all the marriage counseling in the world can't fix. And sexual incompatibility is a myth. People rationalize sex before marriage because "they have to see if they are sexually compatible." Well that is one thing that marriage counseling can always fix since sex is the easiest part of the marriage. Staying faithful and interested in just each other for a life time and sharing each other's interests and growing together in wisdom and intimacy is the hard part.

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    • serenity33 says:
      Posted: 23 Oct 10

      Hell, I dont believe in sex before marriage let alone on the first date. I am guilty of having sex with my fiancee who cheated on me and then dumped me after five years of being engaged but I still regret that and think friendship and compatibility is the most important thing in a relationship and sex clouds proper judgment. And why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? That is why I became a marriage counselor to try to do premarital counseling to make sure couples dont base their relationship on falsehoods and arent clouded by their lust for each other. Friendship and compatibility first and then show you commitment to that one person through marriage and then sex will be fantastic. The more you have sex outside of marriage, the more baggage you carry into future relationships and eventually your marriage if you ever do decide to get married and some baggage all the marriage counseling in the world cant fix. And sexual incompatibility is a myth. People rationalize sex before marriage because they have to see if they are sexually compatible. Well that is one thing that marriage counseling can always fix since sex is the easiest part of the marriage. Staying faithful and interested in just each other for a life time and sharing each others interests and growing together in wisdom and intimacy is the hard part.

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    • serenity33 says:
      Posted: 25 Oct 10

      Hell, I dont believe in sex before marriage let alone on the first date. I am guilty of having sex with my fiancee who cheated on me and then dumped me after five years of being engaged but I still regret that and think friendship and compatibility is the most important thing in a relationship and sex clouds proper judgment. And why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? That is why I became a marriage counselor to try to do premarital counseling to make sure couples dont base their relationship on falsehoods and arent clouded by their lust for each other. Friendship and compatibility first and then show you commitment to that one person through marriage and then sex will be fantastic. The more you have sex outside of marriage, the more baggage you carry into future relationships and eventually your marriage if you ever do decide to get married and some baggage all the marriage counseling in the world cant fix. And sexual incompatibility is a myth. People rationalize sex before marriage because they have to see if they are sexually compatible. Well that is one thing that marriage counseling can always fix since sex is the easiest part of the marriage. Staying faithful and interested in just each other for a life time and sharing each others interests and growing together in wisdom and intimacy is the hard part. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirableif anything is excellent or praiseworthythink about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in meput it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

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  2.   honeybunn says:
    Posted: 10 Mar 10

    whatever most of you going on and on about something that everybody does wheather it may be right or wrong. you cant judge someone for doing what they want as grown ppl. some of you say you dont like sex on the first date but that doesnt mean youve never done it before!

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    • serenity33 says:
      Posted: 18 Oct 10

      I have never done it before and I know plenty of people who haven't done it before. So I would be careful about assuming that many people have done that on the first date. Maybe within a few dates(which I still haven't done) but not on the first date. Just something to be cautious about when making generalizations.

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    • serenity33 says:
      Posted: 23 Oct 10

      I have never done it before and I know plenty of people who havent done it before. So I would be careful about assuming that many people have done that on the first date. Maybe within a few dates(which I still havent done) but not on the first date. Just something to be cautious about when making generalizations.

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    • serenity33 says:
      Posted: 25 Oct 10

      I have never done it before and I know plenty of people who havent done it before. So I would be careful about assuming that many people have done that on the first date. Maybe within a few dates(which I still havent done) but not on the first date. Just something to be cautious about when making generalizations. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirableif anything is excellent or praiseworthythink about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in meput it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

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  3.   maymiedoll says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 10

    I don't know how to edit these comments so I will add this: I meant "so you don't end up ruining candy for others AND MISSING THE PRIZE YOU WERE ORIGINALLY LOOKING FOR."

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  4.   maymiedoll says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 10

    Why should first date sex be avoided? Well, let me answer this in a constructive way and referring to Dating Sites, in general. It is the same as what I call "Kid In A Candy Store Syndrome." This can happen to men and women, alike. There are so many people online, contacting each other and in some instances "contracting," each other that one ends up looking like the kid in the middle of the floor with a plethera of countless, half-opened candies piled all around him. Each one is half-opened but never really tasted. The sad thing about dating sites (and I refer to something another very intelligent individual wrote on a blog) is that many people are "experimenting," with all the little candies because they aren't really sure about EXACTLY what they want. So where does that kid go from there? He (or she) opens another piece of candy; tries it out--not getting the full flavor of what he is really looking for and then OH THEN he sees yet ANOTHER tempting piece of candy and the kid wishes to try it out. The kid almost always ends up sitting in the middle of the floor, surrounded by "picked-over," candies and the PRIZE is still right in front of him--only he cannot see it because it has become BURIED in the vast piles of half-opened candies. Some of you are correct. There really IS quite a bit of competition here. The secret to discover is how to find a man or woman, keep that person interested and win his or her heart into a state of devotion. Some people are just not looking for this and it reeks havoc among those of us who are genuine and serious. So. Should we all go running around having sex on the first date? Absolutely NOT. I sure don't want a disease and I don't want to be placed about like a pinched piece of candy, half-opened and tossed aside for something that looked sweeter. Some people are just not educated now-of-days, regarding what is truly great in this world. SEX is just SEX when you move from one to the other--just having a lot of sex. GREAT SEX is when you invest time into the intimacy and practice TOGETHER, strengthening your methods to the point of EXPLOSIVE AND WONDROUS LOVEMAKING. Flinting around from one partner to the next is just lackadaisical and ignorant. To become truly wonderful at something it takes practice, dedication and devotion. Let's all get back to rediscovering where real value lies and open the best piece of candy, savor the aroma, get to know ourselves and what our favorite flavor is and GO FOR IT. Otherwise, we may eventually smother ourselves in the sea of indecisiveness and never find the true prize. If you "think," you have found the right one you are probably correct. Turn away from the other temptations so you don't end up ruining candy for others.

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    • serenity33 says:
      Posted: 18 Oct 10

      I agree with this comment even if the rationale is different than mine to some degree.:-) And I agree with what she said especially about people not being educated nowadays and what she said about sex.

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    • serenity33 says:
      Posted: 23 Oct 10

      I agree with this comment even if the rationale is different than mine to some degree.:-) And I agree with what she said especially about people not being educated nowadays and what she said about sex.

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    • serenity33 says:
      Posted: 25 Oct 10

      1 Corinthians 6:9-10 warns us, "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners shall inherit the kingdom of God."

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  5.   Afrodytee says:
    Posted: 01 Jan 10

    Lets just break this down.... "The Brain" tells our body if we are hot, cold or in pain. So for me if my mind is not stimulated nothing will happen. Mind stimulation is foreplay..Sex on the first date nope..This is where romance starts but that just me.. Everyone on this site is grown its a personal preference. I don't think that if you are in the throws of passion on your first date, that the minute you disagree you use it to hurt your partner.. Just a thought...

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  6.   Snazzybella says:
    Posted: 31 Dec 09

    I havent had first date. Sex is too serious to indugle in it with someone u dont know. U are giving a part of yourself to another that u cant get back. Think about it people!

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  7.   Breeboo says:
    Posted: 30 Dec 09

    Sex on the first date is a no no, unless before hand you know it's just a booty call. But if you are in hopes of having something meaningful somewhere down the road simply wait.

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  8.   Lt.dan says:
    Posted: 26 Dec 09

    Ok this subject, I need to comment on. This what gets me in trouble the most sex right away. I date some my thing is the whole the date is going on Im plottin to get them in the sack. Then once I do and get my instant gratification I call it a day. The bad thing is the one I slept with. She is left with what just happen. Then she wants to talk about it , then she wants to go on another date. This sucks cuz in my mind it was a hookup and in her mind it was something more. I hurt many young women by doing this in the past. So sex on the first date HELL NAW!!!!

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  9.   deewhizz says:
    Posted: 06 Dec 09

    Normally I would agree w/ this. I think my record was making someone wait 1yr (and it was not worth waiting 4,he was summarily dismissed and then gossiped about relentlessly because he had made a life's mission out of pursuing me and everyone was really interested and amused at the(amazingly short lol) outcome:) My first luv whom I still tlk now, I passed him on the street and stared at him in bars for most of a summer b4 he finally managed to get my #(not from me and to this Day he won't say how he got it, it was not listed and I JUST asked again LOL) We both refused 2 make the 1st move 4 awhile we just stared it was hilarious but frustrating! We both refused because aside from race and gender we are nearly the same person. That's why we are still buds and I couldn't marry him/myself :) But the waiting in his case was more than worth it! I couldn't marry him but he will always be in my life in some form I think:) To think I could have ruined a 20yr romantic and then platonic relationship 4 a quickie?! I'm glad I was smarter than that, even in my 20's! BUT..... If you have been in an extended online relationship on say a place such as this... and you have formed a deep emotional bond w/ this person, possibly accompanied by some salacious pix and texts(just pure conjecture here LOL) By the time u meet a person like that it's possible that they know u (assuming u have been honest) better than someone that you encountered and dated the usual amount of time before becoming physical(I don't know 2wks at the earliest?) It depends on how much u see them and how much time they are willing to dedicate to the cause haha.. if u don't see them much, once a week? I'd say a month to 6 weeks but I would have 2 make exceptions for people who were already involved in a personal emotional relationship w/ someone online b4 meeting...

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  10.   WHURR says:
    Posted: 20 Nov 09

    Cut Buddy.... now we talkin'

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  11. Posted: 16 Nov 09

    @angel104 you have posed a very interesting question, after logging tons of texts/emails and phone hours over months, if choosing to be intimate within the first meeting is that still considered "1st date sex?" because with a typical first date you haven't spent months getting to know the person, and in essence they are still a stranger to you. In the case of getting to know each other at a distance, even if you do become intimate at the first meeting, I don't beleive that leaves you in a position to become an FWB, because that would be too much of an effort lol I don't think that someone would take the time to get to know someone over months only to use them for sex.

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  12.   angel104 says:
    Posted: 13 Nov 09

    This sex on the first date dilemma is what I am trying to process right now.. I have been online dating a seemingly wonderful man. We will be having our first physical meeting after 4 months of daily chat on email/phone. We live in different countries and will only be together for a few days. I normally hold off sex for a few months when dating, but I kinda feel like surely our 4 months of online dating should count for something?! Before we have met he is already talking serious stuff (marriage etc) but I am avoiding discussion until after meeting. So what y'all think about sex on a first physical date when we've been on line dating beforehand?

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  13.   Koko_10 says:
    Posted: 03 Nov 09

    I agree with vivacious1.. after months of talking online and by phone. The first date is with a person you know more than just a random stranger on the street. Protect yourself and do what's best for you.

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  14.   Member says:
    Posted: 25 Oct 09

    Hmmmmmmm...... If the question Ria raised; ...."Do you believe avoiding first-date sex pays dividends down the line?" is a MORAL question, based on an established moral code or believe-structure... then core-values are at risk. If, it is simply a matter of what you "believe,.." then the question is very simply answered on that basis. --However there is no set standard to which everyone adheres;... even in matters of good faith. Count the number of differing denominations today!! And for good reason. For instance, a denomination is not established to present the TRUTH to you without error; but to give you guidelines based upon principles according to (their) set of traditional values. Yet the viewpoint they postulate may be flawed;...not accurate. The very fact that there are so MANY differing beliefs and denominational perspectives,... every one of them claiming to be right; to the chagrin of all others,... testifies to the fact that there is ample room for YOUR equally worthy opinion!!! Morals are CHOICES WE MAKE. Nobody can...or should even TRY to "dictate" to you, what you should or should not believe about things pertaining to your own body!! YOU OWN IT !! If you use good wisdom and make the WISECHOICE, (lol) (no plug intended) that's about as much as you can do. You could make a mistake either way, on this question. If you DO... "do something" on a first-date,... maybe he/she will (love) you forever or (leave) you forever. It may be the fatal mistake (to "do" it) or it may be FATE to do it!! History is filled with both examples. I can tell you of cases where there was no "first" date;---let alone, "first-date-sex"! .... They fell in love at first-sight, got married and stayed happily married from then on,for the rest of their lives. I can tell you of other instances where first-date sex definitely was part of the deal-breaker,... with the same outcome of "soon married" and lived happily ever after. That is not really (all that rare) very frankly! There are other classic examples, of first-date-sex; where she became pregnant,... they married soon-after, ... and stayed together happily-married until the husband finally died, many years later--natural causes, ...leaving his wife and son as multi-millionaires... There is even ah historic incident, where a woman took a military commander into her room,..loved him, fed him "mother's own sweet milk" and then while he slept with his head between her legs,..she murdered him!! True!! And she ended a war and saved her nation as a result! We all know stories of where first-date-sex turned out to be a flop!! We know situations where it messed up peoples' lives...but : what about the good stories... what about good stories, where it really worked out? Those are often the truly overlooked. ----Why? Because the instances I told you about are ALL part of Hebrew history...well-known and documented; ...but ... what pastor is willing to preach about this positive (point of view) tomorrow morning? Nope!! Overlook it!! Why????---- Good question!! Glad you asked!!! When you figure it out, go to the head of the class!! People believe what they are taught. If there is a belief-system that says red-birds with "red-birds and blue-birds with blue-birds",................. "apples-with-apples;--pears-with-pears", etc.,.. people don't ask questions. They just assume it must be (what??) in the "Good-Book" (????).... There must be good reasons why rules like that exist. But,.. what's wrong with purple birds or pear-apples?? Who asks questions these days, when it comes to actual down-to-earth questions about fundamental faith and the challenges of right-thinking? There's a thing called "common sense". I think that term still applies. It's popular to bash "first-date-sex". Easy-to-do!! Seems like common sense not to do it! After all,... if you don't know the other person well,.. who knows what the outcome may be? But that's where the wonders of internet come in!!! You can get to know a person pretty well before ever meeting him/her... You can get a feel for the other person's lifestyle, good or bad habits and hash over your preferences... long before making actual contact. You can even check their background, get their vitals and all the rest! It's called "due diligence". Manage/minimize the risk. But... that might take the fun out of it!! So,...go on with your bad self and shoot those fire-crackers!!! Maybe, in the aftermath, all that may happen, will be a little bit of smoke and some beautiful star-spangled memories to hold on to, for the rest of your lives. On the other hand,... if you feel the risk of fire is too great to chance a pre-launch test-shot,... then hold your missile until all the reports are in. The choice is really yours. To love, or not to love!! Wow !!!.. Choices!!! ..Ain't it great, being an adult?? Like the song says, "That's just the way it is..~!" Responsibly yours, WiseChoice.

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  15.   charmyluv says:
    Posted: 24 Oct 09

    i knew someone that have sex on the first date and they end up spending 25 years together, am not saying it happen to everyone

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  16.   lizzy2005 says:
    Posted: 20 Oct 09

    I was with my older daughter driving my car some years ago. 50 Cent was playing on the radio. Some of the lyrics I seem to remember included 'I'm into havin sex not makin love'. My daughter asked me what this meant. Nearly crashing my car I described making love as sexual experience with someone you care about. Sex is a physical act. A satisfaction of pure lust. My daughter, now 17, has grown into a young woman who has respect for herslf and her body. In my opinion first date sex leaves a women open to be used as a booty call and ulikely to see the guy again for a 2nd date.

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  17. Posted: 03 Oct 09

    Absolutely. First date sex foreshadows what's to come and I think moreso, it's hard for men to respect and continue to be interested in a woman who is willing to have sex that soon. But, same goes for men. If a man is willing to have first date sex, women can't take them too seriously either.

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  18.   glo4pride says:
    Posted: 01 Oct 09

    my best reason to avoid first date sex is because i we thank that the relationship is not going to last

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  19.   whurr says:
    Posted: 13 Sep 09

    Best reason to avoid 'first date sex' is because of 'first date children' and 'first date testing followups at the clinic'.

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  20.   Jabali says:
    Posted: 09 Sep 09

    First date? Sex? It will be fun I know, but I don't think the relationship will last that long, but that's just me.

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  21.   WHURR says:
    Posted: 30 Aug 09

    @vivacious1 For me, a first date is constituted by a year of emails, some cotton swabs being swabbed and mailed in to Quest Labs, and some hair samples from you lil childrens head so I can see what kind of DNA I'm 'pal'-ing up with. Because after emailing for a year, I'm good for about 7 seconds with you on that first date. Be the best 7 seconds you ever had too! Shyt I aint had a date in 18 months. Hmmmm...dang

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  22.   vivacious1 says:
    Posted: 27 Aug 09

    Honestly people - with internet dating - what constitutes a 'first date?' A year after you've been talking with them online? A month? A week? The lines are so blurred.

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  23.   BrownB09 says:
    Posted: 26 Aug 09

    Nandi, that is a great link. But after 10 years if a person is infected there will be results. Lets keep in mind that the actual test of HIV is a test used to detect the HIV antibodies which I am quite sure you know are the bodies initial reactive mechanisms against the virus.

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  24.   Enigma64 says:
    Posted: 26 Aug 09

    Props to Bellara on the cleavage comeback!

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  25.   Shotgun007 says:
    Posted: 03 Aug 09

    This was a good website link, thantks Nandi.

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  26.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 28 Jul 09

    And another side note, aids is a very big concern of course, but sometimes, theres no result for ten years, so wed all have to actually look pretty far back at the deeds that we did when we were younger. having sex now, may have no baring on past events. aliekatt2, That really is not true it takes perhaps 10 years from symptoms of HIV or AIDS to show, however it takes depending on what type of test you have 20 minutes for urine tests and 25 days for blood test...And with HIV/AIDS being well over 20 plus years in our society...The baring of past deeds is not to infect someone else. I know I would want to know... http://ehealthforum.com/health/hiv_diagnosis-e131.html Personally, I am going to put my health first and foremost..even before my libido....

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  27.   allikat says:
    Posted: 22 Jul 09

    When I met the father of my son (my now ex husband btw) I decided I was not by any means having sex w/ him anytime soon after meeting him...we waited a couple months. Me and my current boyfriend, we had sex the first time we met in person, but we met on myspace, and we talked on the phone for a good month before actually meeting, so we did take the time to know a little about each other before meeting. i lived an hour and a half away at the time...so if i was going there i was gonna be staying the night, i ended up staying the weekend actually...but we are still together 9 months later, we now live together, and this is the best relationship i've ever been in... i think every person, and every situation is different and should be treated like that.

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  28.   aliekatt2 says:
    Posted: 21 Jul 09

    I kinda agree with the mentality that sex on the first date is (perturbed for a second, trying to find the right word here, ummm loose might work.) But then here we go again with old antiquated mores pushed by society. Here's one of my stories. I dated this very nice guy for a year, (my ama` taught me to be a good catholic gurl too.) we waited on the sex. He was very articulate, practically a walking dictionary. There wasn't a subject that we couldn't debate, and I really enjoyed his company. We did teas, museums, book fairs, and basically everything that would make me believe that he was serious. He didn't presure for the sex, and while it wasn't XXX it wasn't P.G either. Nine months later we had sex, (amazing too tee-hee). Well guess what? I never heard from him again. He even has the nerve to send me a message now and then saying hi, but that's it. No explanation for why he bailed, no nothing. So I think sex on the first date, on the six date or a year later, has nothing to do with the mindset of the woman, but that of the man. He's either in to you or not (Good book,"He's Just Not That Into YOU!" and when you have sex, as opposed to having sex period depends on what HE thinks, which really chaps my feminist hid!

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  29.   Bellara says:
    Posted: 18 Jul 09

    well spoken BrownB09!!!! physical attraction can only get you to a certain distance but if there's no connection on other levels especially mentally, then the relationship is bound to fail. sex is only a branch of relationship but communication/friendship is the root(foundation) of it all.

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  30.   WHURR says:
    Posted: 18 Jul 09

    If you going to have 'first date sex', just poke it with a stick to see if it has anything wrong with it. Treat it like that dead animal on the side of the road. Walk slowly...stare....sniff test...poke poke......and then smack it around. When you done...... ...while u are bragging about the fact your AIDS test is clean. Did they check for... * Herpes (its like bad luggage) * Syphillis (every pee a new surprise) * Clamydia ( burn baby burn) * Heptatis (all letters...who needs a liver anyway) * Molloscum ( yes I know she/he told u they were shave bumps.. but do u even know how to tell? ) * Yeast infections ( yeah I know, you forgot to wash when u were done with your 1PM and the 5Pm was early) But she looked clean...hmmm? No wonder I havent had a date in a year now. I scared myself and scarred myself mentally.

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  31.   BrownB09 says:
    Posted: 17 Jul 09

    I think sex on a first date is a big mistake, there should me more focus trying to get to know the person. I believe most relationships fail because people dont take the time out to build a friendship first.

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  32.   Bellara says:
    Posted: 17 Jul 09

    poxsc:am glad u noticed and liked my cleavage (i like them too)..lol>> even if i show up on first date wearin a nun apparel a lot of guy will still want me to give it up why?excludin the fact that beautiful (not braggin..just saying,alot of men dont mind where they stick their wands into so long as its in somewhere. no player:u have some good points, but bear in mind tht guys who daate easy but wanna marry a classy girl are usually left behind. because while they r busy humpin and thumpin everythin in skirts,men with self control are goin after the classy girls. which is why u sumtimes see a guy that is noah's age and he claims he's single cuz he's picky. while the true reason is becuz he's been so busy gettin busy and all the classy girls came and passed him by. the main reason sex on 1st date grosses me out is because it makes me wonder how many other ppl the guy humped on first date and heaven knows i dont want a dirty man like that.

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  33.   poxsc says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 09

    Bellara, it's true we guys can't control ourselves. But some of that blame has to be directed at girls. Look at your picture. Not to disrespect you, but I've spent a lot of time looking at your cleavage and I must say I'm impressed. If a girl would show up on a first date dress like you, believe me, I wouldn't be seeing eye to eye with her. Anyway, if a girl let me bang her on the first date, that will be all I be looking for in the relationship. If she can do it with me, she can do it with any other guy.

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  34.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 09

    @ bellara I grew up hearing the women in my family say, " men will date easy but they wont marry easy!" I think that when a woman sleeps with a guy on the first date, it kills all anticipation, what's there to look foward to now that we've sleep together? Sometimes but not too often a solid relationship can develope afterwards but not too often. When you develope a relationship on the bases of sexual compatibility and thats all that you have holding you together, you don't have much at all. Life has a way of redirecting your priorities (bills, careers, children and house payments) and these things can reap havac on your sex drive and if sex was the only thing that your relationship was built on then you relationship is already in trouble. Men will have sex on the first date because it feeds a hunger but once he is full, there's nothing left that you can put on his plate! The object is to be able to seduce him without having sex with him on the first date and make him want to be with you before you ever get to the bedroom. Peace

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  35.   bellara says:
    Posted: 15 Jul 09

    sex on first date is classless, trashy and did i mention quite disgusting. lets be honest, how many people ever go into a serious relationship with someone they banged on 1st date. this question is directed to guys mainly since they are the ones who can't control themselves then think a girl that gives it up on 1st date is loose.

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  36.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 14 Jul 09

    aliekatt2 you're correct, individuals do have the power to choose but we also have to power deal with the results of our choices. These archaic perceptions of what behavior for women should be has held the fabric of society togehter since day one. When you look at the condition of the BLK COM, (I'll speak on that because thats what I know), it was the decline and break down of morals amongst the men and not the women that has lead to many of the problems that we face in the BLK COM. Women have always uplifted and carried the banner of decency despite how decadent the men were around them. Women back in the day knew that, "you set the standard by being the example!" It didn't matter if the men ran around getting drunk and casing loose women, the women I grew up around wouldn't lower their standards or compromise their dignity for nobody. I know this is a hell of a burden to put on women but if men wouldn't step up, then who was left? Lord knows I'm not saying it was fair by know means but it was necessary that women took the moral high road. As a COM we never would have made it this far had it not been for these women of noble character and self respect. I have seen the results of our behavior as men and how it has almost destroyed our COM: I see the all the fatherless children running around with no father in the home, I she our young girls looking for validation in the arms of some knuckle head boy when she should get that from her father and I see the hatred in some of the BW for their men as a result of our madness. Lord knows I cant change the world but I can modify my behavior as a means of not adding to the many issues that effect our COM. As individuals we may think our actions behind closed bedroom doors have no effect on no one but ourselves but the proof of it is the condition of the COM outside your window. Think About It!

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  37.   aliekatt2 says:
    Posted: 14 Jul 09

    that was to Cheekoblonde

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  38.   aliekatt2 says:
    Posted: 14 Jul 09

    @ ur funny. And I can just hear that accent. I'll be over there next summer, if you have time can you tell me some spots to check out so that I won't look like tourist lol.

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  39.   poxsc says:
    Posted: 14 Jul 09

    If the intentions of both parties to get laid on the first date, I don't see anything wrong with it. If a woman is lusting for me and is willing to pleasure me on a first date, hell I'm going to take it!

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  40.   aliekatt2 says:
    Posted: 13 Jul 09

    I'm inclined to sorta agree with both ixhonni & Kissme. You have the power to choose. It's sad that we still believe in antiquated archaic perceptions of what the behavior of a woman should be. Societal mores, and norms that played out eons ago, are still set in stone for women. The playa vs. the hoe, seriously needs to r.i.p, because sex is between two people, not one. Well, (unless you subscribe to Adam and Eve tee-hee). Where is the responsibility of the man, is he not a hoe as well,( if yer inclined ta believe this wey) because he too engaged in "first date sex?"(And No Player is just on one). Sex is just that, sex. What makes it special are images and memories that we look back on, because each act is the same( well not for all of us, tee-hee), but point being, it's is special because you make it that. Whether you wait a day, a week, a month, or a year later, the decision is up to you. You as both individuals have to power to make it sex or a relationship. And it's a proven fact, that women need "Bootie Calls", just like men do. And just a side not, many intelligent women know what they want the minute that they look at you, and with age can tell what type of man you are, just by the way that you not only carry yourself, but the way that you sit down. tee-hee, just my observation. And another side note, aids is a very big concern of course, but sometimes, there's no result for ten years, so we'd all have to actually look pretty far back at the deeds that we did when we were younger. having sex now, may have no baring on past events.

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  41. Posted: 13 Jul 09

    Lay down with a dog.. get up with fleas!

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  42.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 09

    James ; all men do knot " Air " their Private Business to others / who may wish to Steal a piece of the Cake and I Bake my own on occasion . Cakes that is .

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  43.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 11 Jul 09

    Enjoy life is only one day at a time . Believe

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  44.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 11 Jul 09

    Is it any wonder why so many men have a hard time commentting in relationships? With women (not all but far too many) being so ready willing & able) to lay up with a man before even getting to see where his mind is at, it's easy to see why guys take the easy route and seek FWB relationships. I'm tired of hearing the sob stories from women talking about how men have dogged them and walked all over them. Damn it! Quit LAYING DOWN and stand up! My grandmama used to say "a dwarf can only walk over a giant if he's laying down!" As long as women keep allowing men to play with them, men will never be able to take women serious. A friend told me about this woman he was trying to hook up with for a fling back in the day and how she turned the tables completely on him. After going out they ended up back at her place and things got heated. She asked him if he wanted to sleep with her and he said yeah. She told him, " why settle for just this one night when you can have me forever if it's meant to be. What you want from me, you can get that from many of these women running around here but I want to give you way more than that. I think you deserve more and should want more, so go home and think about what I'll told you and call me back in two days!" Long story short, he called her back in to days and every day after that. They were engaged within that year and married the next year, that was 9 years and 3 babies ago. I say this to show that when a woman takes herself serious and shows that she has more to offer than a session of " Don't Stop Get-it Get-it", men will respect you. I'm not saying your story will end up like hers but at least you wont end up in one of the many locker room sex stories that some guys share with their buddies at the gym! Luv Ya, James

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  45.   kissime says:
    Posted: 11 Jul 09

    Sex is a beautiful thing. I dated a man for 4 years, and the 1st 2 years we were not sexually intimate. I dated another man for a year, and we never had sex. He was extraordinarily intellectual. Conversing with this man manifest intense excitement-mentally...I loved this man. It was very hard to let him go because for me, personally, a man that is genuinely compassionate and is able to stimulate my mind will have me forever. I dated another man--we had sex on the 1st date; and he asked me to marry him the 1st week. We married a year later, and have a beautiful son, (key word X) I know a couple whose been married for 30+ year. They did not have sex until marriage, and he cheats on her so much--- as funny as it's not, it's almost a joke. And, yes they are still married. My point: I don't believe sex will hold anyone's attention. If you want to be with someone you will. You will do whatever it takes to make it last forever. But both of you have to be on the same page. Now, if you want to hold out on sex-that too is your choice... Go for it! We all know the danger of having sex these days, and I totally agree we should all protect ourselves. I don't hold out on sex because of fear a man will leave me if we do have sex too soon. I hold out because I don't want to have sex with him. I have sex with a man because I want to have sex with him. Yes, sex can be emotional, but for me only from psychological stimulation (and I'm not talking about whispering sweet nothing in my ears) I'm not interested at all about anyone's opinion about my decisions. I probably will never engage in this debate again. It's Friday night, I'm bored out of my mind...thought I should check my inbasket, and happened to read this. And I love to write. And sometimes about absolutely NOTHING!!!! ...Going to take a cold bath now. Hmmm...I sure could have some loving right now, if only I can find the right man...Oh, to the virgins "it is soooo good" and very therapeutic . The prolonged joy from the sweet pain will make you shed tears. Good luck in finding your petite more...oh, and may you find the love you will spend the rest of your life with. Faire l'amour avec plaisir!

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  46.   WHURR says:
    Posted: 11 Jul 09

    If I can't have 'First date Sex', can I at least get some Birthday Sex. Its this month!! For the women lining up, please don't fight you will all get your turn. Thanks!

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  47.   Siolav says:
    Posted: 10 Jul 09

    It's always better to get to know a person first. You find out if that person is right for you. What if he/she is not the one? No love lost if there was no sex. The hurt is not as deep. There's no betrayal and no deception. If sex is all you want---go ahead. Hope there's no hard feelings.

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  48.   dingase says:
    Posted: 09 Jul 09

    Nandi, I agree with you completely. AIDS is real and so many people don't seem to recognize that. I really think that in this day and age, more than ever before, it's really important to get to know the other person. There is just too much at stake and 5 minutes of pleasure could translate into a lifetime of hell. Once people have gotten to know one another, then whatever the individuals choose to do is up to them. This is just my 2 cents.

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  49.   vanillachai says:
    Posted: 09 Jul 09

    xhonni...you go girrrlll! :)

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  50.   susie1011 says:
    Posted: 08 Jul 09

    I don t see what s wrong with sex on the first date! To be honest what are you waiting for? If i want to shag you when i meet you that s up to me. It s society that dictates what is right or wrong why should i conform? As long as it s safe and consensual:whatever rocks your boat! I think a lot of people confuse sex with love and that s where the problem lies.You could hold off having sex with a person for 6 months and finally you do and he s jumped boat! If a man loves you he loves you!If he wants to have a relationship with you he will it just depends on what sort of man he is--if he likes an independent single intelligent woman and your state supported; very little education and 3 children from 3 different men then 9 times out of 10 he s going to be gone as soon as he s done!

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