Black men, marrying black, marrying white

Posted by Ria, 09 Feb 09

“Barack Obama is one of the few men that we have seen who is a black man who has a very, very dark-skinned wife. She’s very dark skinned for normally what you see. And I wondered to myself, would he be electable if he had a white wife?” – Whoopi Goldberg confessed to having been woken up by this ‘strange thought’

There is this stereotype that once Black men become successful, they marry interracially as a sign that they have made it. Picture this: an influential, charming, attractive Black man with a Black woman in his arms. Now imagine the same man with a White woman in his arms. Does this change your perception of him? How and why?

In the video, Dr. France Twine wonders why it is perceived that a lot of Black men are marrying White women while in reality, the percentage of black man/white woman interracial relationships is totally on the lower side … unless the norm still is that they shouldn’t marry any? What do you think?

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191 responses to "Black men, marrying black, marrying white"

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  1.   CJeleven says:
    Posted: 15 Nov 10

    why does any of this matter. they are all american, and if we trace both of their lines, neither of them are all of anything. most whites in america are part black and most blacks are part white.

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  2.   jenna says:
    Posted: 25 Apr 10

    Michelle Obama very dark skinned?! LOL! I am much darker than her and quite happy with that,to hell with who doesn't like me as a result of that! At the end of the day I like me just the way I am! My success or failures in this life will not be because of my color or who I marry. It will be as result of me the individual!

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  3.   sweetroses says:
    Posted: 24 Apr 10

    Hey G.P.C, I dont think they were saying black folks are ignorant because Obama is bi-racial, its about people in general talking about skin tone and thinking just because someone is lite skin to assume their mixed I think thats what they were saying is ignorance. When are we as people going to get pass these steretypes? there is more to a person than just skin tone, if we waist our time on small issues like this then we are all just like everyone else big heads with small minds. Obama is doing a wonderful job, all the best.

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  4.   G.P.C. says:
    Posted: 22 Mar 10

    Why are you calling black folks "ignorant" just because they say Obama is bi-racial? That's because he IS, but he identifies as a black man since he LOOKS nothing BUT black. Stop calling black folks "ignorant" just because they say something YOU don't agree with.

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  5.   akbar says:
    Posted: 16 Mar 10

    Although, you may call President Obama bi-racial, he calls himself black. There is no historical context in the United States for people to be classified as bi-racial. In the United States if a person had one drop of black blood, they were considered black. The only time whites seemed to change this is when that person achieve success. Then they wanted to label that person bi-racial. I guess these are the double standards that blacks have grown to live with. Now even ignorant blacks are agreeing with whites saying he is bi-racial. I am not going to submit to a racist idealogy. President Obama is black. Just think about it, if he was a drug dealer, with 5 different baby mommas, and a criminal record. Would they say he is bi-racial or black? Think about it!

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    • serenity33 says:
      Posted: 23 Oct 10

      Right on Akbar!! You made a wonderful point and I think he is a fantastic president. I just hope that all the white closet racists don't ruin things for him in the Tea Party. Obama is Black and I am proud that he is Black. It is only nitpicky people who care that he isn't pure black and with so much mixing of blood over the years, it is hard for anyone to be pure black anymore. I don't hear people complaining about Tiger Woods not being black when he is half. I am just grateful that our country has gone far enough to vote in a black president and I hope that we don't go back to the racist way it used to be. All we need is a black female president and we will really have come a long way!!

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  6.   firsttime1 says:
    Posted: 28 Feb 10

    so many black Americans still have such a low opinion ad limited view of themselves how on earth is michelle obama VERY VERY DARK SKINNED? where would people class alec wek?

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  7.   Wonka says:
    Posted: 21 Feb 10

    WOW!"very,very dark-skinned"I don't see very,very dark-skinned,I don't even see very dark-skinned,I see dark-skinned.More importantly,I see the FIRST black lady,a beautiful woman,an educated human being a person with alot of class and who gives her man a TON of support!.

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  8.   gjones66216 says:
    Posted: 16 Jan 10

    It is kind of amusing that when some brothers and sisters see an interracial couple, they immediately suggest that the person of their race has something wrong with them. Examples: "self-hate", "can't handle the strength of" and similar negatives. Many of us on this site are open to all ethnicities, or at least we say that we are. I grew up in a diverse community. I attended predominantly white colleges, took part in predominantly white sports (rugby), work in a predominantly white industry (aerospace) and attend a predominantly black church. With these interests, I move very freely in most environments and will seek out those people that I am most attracted to. The only black woman that I have ever belonged to is my mother, may she rest in peace.

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  9.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 30 Dec 09

    @ RAYNEDELAY - I Agree 100% ! If you cant talking about racial politics with the person you'e dating, why bother. The quickest way to know what's in a person's heart is to listen to the words that come out of their mouth. Alot of people who date IR are full of shit, they play this game of go along to get along and to me that's being phony. The purpose of dating is to see if two people are compatible with eachother and if they should invest more time in pursuing a serious relationship. How can you take someone serious when they wont express their views and true feelings without being scared that someone wont like them as a person because of their views, thats childish. I want to know who I'm dealing with up front and if we don't vibe do to different racial political views oh well, no harm no foul. In this age of new found multi-culturalism you'll get alot of silly people that think people should be with everyone else but someone from their own ethnic group and that's not the case. I'm a BM and I'm married to a German woman but I still enjoy seeing BM and BW together in loving and solid relationships making eachother happy. As proud as I am to see a BM as President of this country, I'm even more proud of the fact that the woman by his side is a BW. That's my racial political view, served straight with no chaser! Happy New Year to all and best wishes.

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  10.   RAYNEDELAY says:
    Posted: 29 Dec 09

    People get so sensitve when it comes to racial politics. Especially those that want to date interracially. I love talking politics, if a man can't discuss racial issues with me then what's the point?! Obama made a great choice in Michelle because she is not only beautiful but also a very smart woman. He is so in love with her and it shows. Finally that is rare in the White House. She is actually one of the more interesting first ladies. I'm not a fan of them as politicians but I do love them as a family. When did things get to the point where if a Black man marries a Black women that is more controversial than him marrying a Black woman? Ridiculous. I remember being on a date with a Black guy and White women were giving ME the evil eye as if I stole their man. WTF? LOL

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  11.   Shotgun007 says:
    Posted: 03 Aug 09

    Ria, you probably should come up with better subject titles for these blogs. Majority of black men DO marry black women, its not exotic or popular or anything new, so we dont see it in the media. Glock- One thing that I've noticed about your post and I've only been a member maybe for 2-3 weeks now, is that you appear to have a VERY consistent stance on any given subject matter. Reading most of your blog responses, I always tend to see a strong central argument, not always an opinion or just ranting. Most importantly I never see you insult the opponent. For the record, nothing mentioned in your posts implied racism. Fact (in my opinion). Looking at the shallow issue of Barack being biracial or black, well it goes back to what VSongbird said, it appears that he has been drafted as black, however the man is biracial (meaning 1 parent Caucasian, 1 parent Kenyan/African). It's definitely no issue for me though. Some of you have mentioned the Presidency & the election etc and what not, speaking briefly on that topic; it's my humble opinion that if there had been a much stronger Republican (someone other than McCain) and Palin, the outcome would have been different. But thats history. I also think that the Democrats would have won regardless based on the amount of dissatisfied Bush supporters and the blatant message of "politics as ususal" coming from the RNC. Take Care everyone!!

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  12.   allikat says:
    Posted: 22 Jul 09

    to me, marriage is about love...the only two people that know how any certain relationship is are the two people in that relationship...all others are just spectators...if those two people love each other, why are WE worried about their skin color??

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  13.   MrMarques72 says:
    Posted: 12 Jun 09

    I totally disagree with this post. Michelle Obama is not a "very, very dark-skinned" woman. Michelle Obama does not break the aesthetic of what is considered "acceptable blackness" in the black community. She was not the kid in elementary school getting picked on because black folk thought she was "too black". She is clearly a brown-skinned woman and for that she could be called "dark-skinned" but on the scale of how dark persons of African and Indian descent can get, she is not "very, very dark".

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  14.   afro18 says:
    Posted: 28 May 09

    i'm sorry but i disagree with the blog, that she isn't DARK skined shes just brown texture, dark skin would be with someone like model alex wekks i just throught to clear that out.

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  15.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 14 Apr 09

    Street Smarts / Common Sense , the American way for those of us that could not afford University Education . " The School of Hard Knocks . " Once We Learn to Love all others as We Love ourselves , Life will change for each of Us . You have to do this for yourself / no one else can do it for you .

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  16.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 14 Apr 09

    A MUTATION OF FACT , brought about with a picture with the Authors intensions very clear to Mislead opinions . Poor Blog full of untruth to begin with .

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  17.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 14 Apr 09

    onemill2 ; You are Correct , this is a Date Ting site and it is a Marvelous , Magnificently Successful Site for Us . The Question at the top of the Page / Holds no water with the picture of Our President and his wife . RE-READ THE FIRST SENTENCE - They were already married / Dispite all the contrivance as to President Obamas Heritage in other comments . They are already married , so how can it be possible that after his Success he wish to marry inter-racially ?

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  18.   Bieta says:
    Posted: 14 Apr 09

    Actually, no one can find any real proof that Obama edited anything on Law Review. A lot of documentation from that period in his life has gone missing. Plus, if I were to say to you "I went to Harvard,therefore I am smarter than you"..you'd be pretty angered. So I don't see how you can tell me Obama is smart, or smarter than me because he went to Harvard. There aren't that many geniuses in the world and its funy that so many people buy the into the prestige. I can assure you as a harvard student with a legacy that not everyone who goes here is brilliant. but I wouldn't debate him, I don't debate.

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  19.   QueenV says:
    Posted: 12 Apr 09

    Oh, okay, lagbaja61, so mainly what you're bragging about is that Europeans are lazy, don't want to work, want to sit around and let the government take care of them. Quite an accomplishment. While Americans value hard work and self motivation, and feel they should be self-sufficient. Yeah, I can see why you feel superior. Oh, and you can travel a short distance and encounter different languages. How wonderful. This means that individually you are all geographically small and insignificant. You had to give up your individuality and band together to try to regain any power whatsoever. But that doesn't matter as long you speak more than one language, of course. And real football? We don't know real football? You don't know what a real man's sport is. Just running around in shorts and kicking a ball. Oh, yeah. Tennis, anyone? That's so he-man. I find it so amusing when non-Americans try so hard to cover their sense of inferiority with so-called "insults."

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  20.   onemill2 says:
    Posted: 07 Apr 09

    How did it become political. people this is a site to find your true love.

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  21.   BrownB09 says:
    Posted: 07 Apr 09

    Barack Obama, a man, is a microcosm of diverse elements that contributed to him being qualified as president of the United States! His wife, a woman, no matter what the color of her skin is, the first lady. It saddens me that people focus on things that don't matter, especially when our status in the world has declined terribly. Overall, I believe President Obama has good intentions and wish him the best!

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  22.   Jabali says:
    Posted: 28 Mar 09

    Good question Esmayali. Good question. I hope we all get a good answer to that. Kudos to you Mrs. Moses. As a wise man once said, you can only love others if you love yourself first!

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  23.   Member says:
    Posted: 27 Mar 09

    Well for one i am a black women brown skin what ever , let me say this i LOVE the SKIN i am in would not even go a shade up. To me people that don't like COLOR is because they don't have one . Sorry you can't it me with that races S**t. Black and LOVE IT!

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  24.   Esmayali says:
    Posted: 26 Mar 09

    Is this a platform for romance or politics?

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  25.   Glock says:
    Posted: 25 Mar 09

    Ahhhhh, ok? Were you talking to me, or Jack?

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  26.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 25 Mar 09

    I may not be correct , Really don't give a Hoot . President Obama / Holds the office . You can argue with him as to the Best man winning . Seems he crossed the Finish line with the Title " Commander in Chief ." THAT'S A FACT , JACK . Read the newspaper , watch television and if you are correct , I will listen as you tell me Who else it was who won . I didn't run myself cause of my short leg . And I voted for Hillary Clinton . Because she had 8 years prior experience in the White House . THAT'S A FACT JACK .

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  27.   Glock says:
    Posted: 25 Mar 09

    Actually that is not true. The majority of American voters voted for someone else, whether it was McCain ( who got 49% and the other third party candidates who got around 6%. And I seriously doubt the best man won.

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  28.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 25 Mar 09

    President Obama was elected by the Majority of the American voters - Opinions . A race has been run and the Best man won .

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  29.   Jabali says:
    Posted: 25 Mar 09

    The race thing again, huh. Would I be kind of naive to think that Obama was elected for his abilities and not the colour of his wife? Oh well, since I'm not American, I guess I'll never know.

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  30.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 24 Mar 09

    Marion , tis sad to loss family n' friends . This is Your Life and his together , be Happy . I lost some who I thought were friends , We are still Happy together .

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  31.   Marion says:
    Posted: 24 Mar 09

    Well colour is only on the outside. I am white and happily married to my husband who is "black" his colour did not come into it when I fell in love with him. Even though my family are not really happy about it. It is my life!!!

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  32.   goin4it says:
    Posted: 25 Feb 09

    Michelle Obama is not a "dark skin" Black woman. Barack Obama identifies himself as Black. Identity is not what others say one is; identity is established by the individual. Barack embraces both his parents side of the family. His life experience, and self-identity is Black. So yes he is the 1st Black president.

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  33.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 23 Feb 09

    forreal, PLEASE, GET REAL ! Glock, you're right, by all means stand by your opinion. At the end of the day it's just "YOUR OPINION" ! I don't have no beef with you! cocosan you're right, Europeans can have serious debate while cracking up the whole time and when you add the beer or wine into the mix, it really gets comical. Since 1995 I've been stationed or I've lived and worked in Europe and when it comes to race relations it's not as crazy as it is in America. Life is too short, so live it to the fullest!

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  34.   forreal says:
    Posted: 23 Feb 09

    Why is it now that people want to label a person of mixed race mixed when it's convenient? As a black married women I am so proud to see Michelle Obama. maybe this will prove to all these ignorant brothers that they dont need a white women on their arms to make it. Maybe this will show black men to love who they are and stop all the self hatred and great love they have for the white man. Which is why they love for their white skinned curly head kids to look like. Alot of black men are just plain ignorant.

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  35.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 09

    Yes you are correct on all three questions , I am married . Used to be also as I received training on marriage from two failed marriages / nobody is perfect - alas I hope that I have learned from my mistakes [ 8 years , 23 years ] . Almost two years with Mrs Homesteader till death do us part and I am a Very very very Lucky man . Enjoy your evening meal , We shall enjoy ours at a different location . Hehehehe

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  36.   Ms.Yvette says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 09

    OMG-HOMESTEADER, UR MARRIED OR USE TO BE MARRIED??? NO DISRESPECT TO MRS. HOMESTEADER...IF YOU ARE...P.S. I WAS KIDDING ABOUT DINNER....LOL..SHE'S A VERY LUCKY WOMAN TO HAVE A MAN BY HER SIDE SUCH AS YOU....LOL....LOL....LOL....LOL....LOL

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  37.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 09

    And looking back , it seems we all met some friends at this discussion

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  38.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 09

    All you Beautiful Ladies , are here for what my Ladie and I have found . Just to be on this Date Ting site shows we are all open to change , some are slower than others because of the daily experiences they see Happening . Still there is not a one who feels any different than We do . The only trouble being that some do not care to use other words when they write . If you do not wish to see them . Describe your feelings in a neutral way , We sure nuff know that others dislike what We have or are jealous of us . We do knot have any need to worry about their problems as we have our own . We vote in all elections , when I vote that means that a person who wins has to do the gov't business . That is beyond my abilities . When we have a President who brought his own Pretty Family to the White House . The topic is will We think he did a Fine job in the first 4 years and want him back in office 4 more . We do the same daily activities as all others , Open your minds n ' hearts . My wife says I eat all the time . Cheerios and raisins peanuts on the side potatoes and angel hair pasta with corned beef .

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  39.   Cocosan says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 09

    Thanks MsYvette! Glock, you can most certainly hold your own and I don't believe anyone can take away from that! Homesteader, what time is dinner? :) Ria, next topic please!

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  40.   Ms.Yvette says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 09

    COCOSAN, I AGREE WITH YOU....I COME ON TO SEE WHAT HOMESTEADER HAS TO SAY....HE KEEPS IT REAL AND ENTERTAINING FOR A FEW OF THE LADIES ON HERE....P.S. NOT TO TAKE AWAY FROM GLOCK....YOU HAVE SAID SOME VERY INTERESTING THINGS AS WELL....I CAN ONLY TELL THE TRUTH AND SPEAK FOR MYSELF.....I HAVE BEEN BROUGHT TO THE LIGHT ABOUT A LOT OF COMMENTS THAT WERE MADE HERE....THAT SAYING "KNOWLEDGE IS POWER" YES IT IS....SHALL WE PUT IT TO GOOD USE...WHATEVER WAS NEGATIVE...LETS TURN IT AROUND AND MAKE IT SOMETHING POSITIVE...LOL..

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  41.   Ms.Yvette says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 09

    People are not taking sides....all have expressed there points and opinions....few people went farther than others....and trust me...WE ALL SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN SOMETHING OUT OF THE DISCUSSION...NOW, CAN WE ALL MOVED FOWARD WITH MEETING THE WONDERFUL MEN & WOMEN HERE ON THIS SITE AND POSSIBLY MAKING THAT CHEMISTRY/CONNECTION????? P.S. IM WITH YOU RARESTGOLD....HOMESTEADER- WHAT TIME IS DINNER???? LOL

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  42.   rarestgold says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 09

    Wow, I can't believe how long this conversation/debate has been going on. This just goes to show that race/color is a highly volatile subject. But regardless, it's a topic that we should all be able to freely discuss and move on from. It's how we learn. I hope that everyone who has participated in this blog has taken something away from the blogs. BTW Homesteader - what time is dinner?

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  43.   Cocosan says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 09

    Homesteader, you are a refreshing breeze! I enjoy reading your comments. Thank you for your sense of humor and transparency!

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  44.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 09

    I surely agree with ' coming from my neck of the woods " . As was taught that meant the region one is from , in my case Yankee comes to mind - when I think of neighbors comments , I will let them know that my homestead is in Texas and as long as I am home / I am Texan . Alas one has no choice where they are born American / Southern bye the grace of God . Call me what you wish , Just never late for Dinner

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  45.   Cocosan says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 09

    It is my hope that everyone who participated in or simply read this blog goes away having experienced something positive. Maybe some of us heard an opinion different from our own or were exposed to a new level of communication. Maybe the experience just allowed some to get something off their chest. Race is a topic that will be with us always. People who are involved in interracial relationships deal with it all the time - at least that has been my experience. Yes, outsiders can be cruel but I have found that a significant amount of that cruelty was based on ignorance. By "ignorance" I mean lack of (or negative) understanding, exposure or experience. I must admit, initially I had some difficulty with the continuous bombardment of comments etc. and there were some heated discussions between myself and my partner as a result. It was not until I realized that I was reacting on an emotional level (I felt hurt that people would treat my partner and myself with such disrespect for no reason other than our skin colors were different) rather than on an intellectual level that it was no longer an issue for me as a person or as part of an interracial relationship. I also had to realize that many of the people who disrespected my partner and I were doing so out of emotion, past experiences and their perception of what we represented. I actually dated a black man several years after the interracial relationship ended and he asked me if I would ever date a white man and when I told him about my past relationship, he actually launched into a lecture about the "Willy Lynch Letter" and how I had allowed myself to be used to pass on the tactics outlined by Lynch in his letters and therefore I was personally contributing to the emasculation of the black male. Later I found out his wife had left him and was now married to a white man. That was his experience but I see the connection between his lived experience and his behavior towards me. I did not agree with his behavior etc. but I understood the cause. Life will never be perfect as there are no perfect players. My goal is to enjoy it to the fullest - imperfections and all! I select my battles carefully and race, especially in my personal relationship, doesn't even show up on my radar. We can talk about it but there will be no battles. Just expressing my $5 (allowing for inflation) lol

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  46.   Glock says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 09

    Thank you Lola3 for your kind words, as you said, I do stick by what I say. Cocosan, again you make another great point about discussion, opinions, ideas and the freedom/ importance of being able to debate them. As can be seen here, often times people will resort to hyperbole during their diatribes because that is what stirs emotions and often times has the effect of "rallying the troops" to their defense. As you said Lola3, and I have asked repeatedly exactly what I said that was "racist" but as of yet no one has taken me up on it. The closet stab that anyone has taken was the "neck of the woods" thing, which was laughable at best. This whole attack was started because of my post about Hatsheput's statement (which apparently has been removed). I disagreed with her and pointed out the points that I disagreed about to her. Then the onslaught began LOL. Talnwhite stepped in and made some very valid arguments about voting patterns and other issues dealing with race, then he and I were attacked as being racist! LOL I just don't get it. Neither one of us called anyone the "N" word but simply expressed our views and opinions. Do people really think that the topic of race will never come up in an interracial relationship?? Is this how people are going to handle their disagreements with their other half when an issue about race comes up? We learn from others opinions, at least try to understand their experiences. Lastly, no Esmayali, I am not running for spokeswoman. I would get fired my first hour that is, if I made it out of the interview process! I'll leave that up to you beautiful ladies. Take care.

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  47.   VA_SongBird says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 09

    Amen, Homesteader... that says it all.... it's a free world. Your opinion is as important as mine. It's wonderful we all have the opportunity to speak our mind openly.

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  48.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 09

    Females and Males will always interpret , thoughts of others . With how they think they see what others are thinking with written word . Alas what you read , was not what I really said . Sometimes ! God Bless you all . As I have fun reading topics / and I learn from what others say , never too old to Enjoy . Difference of opinion is why we comment here on topics , Who cares who is correct or incorrect . Communication is the first step to Learning about the Good people here on this site

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  49.   Esmayali says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 09

    Glock ! You are still the man of the hour. So, are you interviewing for spokeswomen? :o)

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  50.   Cocosan says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 09

    lola, I agree with you - some of this has just gone too far! A good debate is a stimulating as well as enlightening event - but it has to be seen as just that - an event!

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