Blacks and their relationships

Posted by Ria, 07 Jul 08

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Black people and their relationships is something most people (we bloggers included) love to write about. And I am guilty as charged, doing it in this post too. :lol: All this hit me when I was reviewing my interracial posts and looking at them, there is always a mention of black this ... black that. So I got to thinking, why does this happen?

In comparison to other races, why are there so many negative myths and stereotypes about black men and black women, and their relationships - same race or interracial?

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

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50 responses to "Blacks and their relationships"

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  1.   dada-njoo says:
    Posted: 17 Mar 09

    I disagree with dada views 17/07/2008. The many BW i've talked to all agree that BM are hard working reason why WW are keen on them - they will get a good life and not raise a finger at all. BW are quite aware that if one does not work one does not eat therefore you do not sit back and wait for food to appear from nowhere. Many WM complain and appreciate at the same time that their BW friends work too hard and no time for the relationship. Those married to BW do not regret it as their lives only get better. That is why Allwhite444 is so bitter as all she wants is to shop, eat out, party and holiday all year round - get serious. Many BM tend to regret their marriages to WM later on and wish they had married their own race and start bugging younger BW to have children with them. They even discourage BW from having any relationship with WM. If a relationship does not work out do not discourage everyone else. So sistas you will find out as i did that some of our failed brothers are another issue to deal with.

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  2.   Soulmate2U says:
    Posted: 08 Aug 08

    Morningflower : Haven't been back to this blog in a while. Saw your "Thank-you" and I wanted to acknowledge your kindness; and also say that I still honestly feel I should be thanking you and many of the other intelligent women who commented on this topic (for your forgiving responses). Your responses speak volumes of your character and beautiful hearts.

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  3. Posted: 17 Jul 08

    Soulmate2U - thank you! that's all I can say..

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  4.   Soulmate2U says:
    Posted: 17 Jul 08

    I know I should just ignore ignorant and vile comments, like those of Allwhite444. I know I should, but I can't help it. They were so low and so insulting that I have to say something. First of all, unlike Allwhite444, I believe the rest of us CHOOSE to be here, because of our own personal dreams. I know that is the case for me. I would NEVER want to be with a woman, no matter what color or race, that is so mean and hateful. Secondly, to all of the Beautiful Black Women on this blog, thank you for showing so much intelligence, beauty, and courage in your comments to Allwhite. I am amazed you have the strength to put up with such idiocy. As a white male, I am thoroughly embarrassed and humiliated by her remarks, especially what she said to Escapade. That was beyond disgusting. It never fails, everytime I see or hear such anger and hatred, I still can't believe someone would do that. It still shocks me when it happens. I understand where it comes from. I realize it is merely an expression of self-hatred, but I continue to find myself in the state of disbelief when it happens. To Allwhite444: It's one thing to be totally wrong about something. (ie. The white men here are looking for the BEAUTIFUL (INWARDLY & OUTWARDLY) black woman of their dreams to love and cherish). Its quite another thing to be so ignorant about being SO wrong. Your mean and hurtful comments are not needed on this site. We are all pretty much looking for the same thing here,... true love, peaceful and romantic relationships, happiness, etc. You need to spend your time looking for your dream mate rather than spitting racial taunts. So, please stop. I had better stop here. I want to say much more but I don't wish to pour fuel on her ugly fire.

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  5.   ChocoDrop76 says:
    Posted: 17 Jul 08

    Escapade You tell it!

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  6.   blue1 says:
    Posted: 17 Jul 08

    WOW, A lot of heat on this topic. The negative sterotyoes are both racist and classist. socialexonomic class counts for a lot. Many blacks are pushed into low socialeconomic status due to racism over time. the media contiunes to put racism forward in many ways. the person who said all white men should be left alone is just on the wrong site. Our culture has the male as the provider. Of course it is a consideration for a relationship to last, but usually attraction is not based soley on financial status

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  7. Posted: 17 Jul 08

    Wonderful comments truefriend!

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  8.   ChocoDrop76 says:
    Posted: 17 Jul 08

    allwhite444: The last time I checked no one person "owned" and entire species. So those white men you speak of are not your personal property and if their are any that are, I'm sure w/ your improper command for the english language, none of us would want anything that was owned, made, raised or related to you.

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  9.   trufriend12 says:
    Posted: 17 Jul 08

    I am new to this site. I am a black man that's been around the world and have had a lot of contact with different races. I can tell you all that EVERY RACE has stereotypes and beliefs that some people actually believe, no matter where they came from. There are things that people believe about everyone and is very inclusive. The only ways I know to combat the stereotypes is to measure a person according to what you know about them, not what you've heard about their race. Doing this, you'll find that people either define or dispel the stereotype. Secondly, we must engage in positive dialog on the subject, and we've gotta learn to stop judging others. The same thing you accuse one race of doing is happening to people in your own race. Don't wory about what happened in the past, also. My family doesn't care for white people, and listening to them could have kept me from finding my true soul mate. We have got to do better as people.

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  10.   allwhite444 says:
    Posted: 17 Jul 08

    Escapade you must look like a cheese burgar the sloppy kind of cheese burgar, a good white men or women would never marry you they only use you, now go take a mud bath. white men just use you as a cuumm bucket,

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  11.   dada says:
    Posted: 17 Jul 08

    allwhite: you are in the wrong place. Am sure if you search you will find a site to cater for you. This is interacial. Not the KKK.So maybe you should bounce if you dont like it. But then again you are entitled to your own opinion i guess....

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  12.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 17 Jul 08

    allwhite444, you should take that up with "our white men"...I am surprised you have time to search out sites such this, when you have to tend to "your white men"...Which is in the millions...surely you must be tired...

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  13.   allwhite444 says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 08

    african american should stay with their own kind and leave our white men alone

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  14.   walligator says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 08

    BELIEVE NONE OF WHAT YOU HEAR AND ONLY HALF OF WHAT YOU SEE...THERE ARE PROBLEMS BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN OF ALL RACES AND NO ONE RACE SHOULD BE SINGLED OUT AS BEING PROBLEMATIC...WE ALL HAVE TO COMMUNICATE MORE AND OPENLY WITH EACH OTHER...THERE ARE GOOD AND BAD PEOPLE IN ALL RACES...LET'S HOPE THAT WE FIND THE ONE THAT IS RIGHT FOR US.

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  15.   tallncurve says:
    Posted: 15 Jul 08

    i totally agree with coffee77. Its hard, to grow up being a responsible dad, if u never know how a real dad acts. Most black males i gotten to know crew up with out a father. That is very sad And i think, that there are millions of females on this planet that are golddiggers and not black. The black couples i have been friends with have been normal to me , some of them treated each other with respect, some of them cheated at each other, just like white ore mixed couples . So i really don't seen a typical behavior that matches with black woman ore man. What i do have a problem with and what i did witness a lot,( a lot not all the time ), is, that black females catch an attitude if they see i`m with a black guy. I don't understand that and i think its sad too. Cause i would never disrespect someone cause off who they with.

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  16.   cutiepie36 says:
    Posted: 15 Jul 08

    This comment is to coach30......Yes you have been coming in contact with the wrong ones and i am please to see that you still have an open mind about furthering your options to date bw....My only advice to you is when you do meet them as with any woman, get to know them mentally before you hook up. After a few conversations and if u have common sense...u can get a feel on where people(woman) are coming from. Hope this helps....

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  17.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 15 Jul 08

    buddyh, exactly!! I believe some folks internalize the negativity of racism and gives it more power than it deserves which adds on a degree of paronia.. I have noticed that in places such as Toronto, Canada, Birminghan, UK other races have no problem approaching me in interest...In the states, there are some places that are pretty open but quite often others are interested but apprehensive about approaching different cultures, particularly Blacks, primarily based on the adversity of our history...

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  18.   ChocoDrop76 says:
    Posted: 15 Jul 08

    Buddyh: I agree

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  19.   ChocoDrop76 says:
    Posted: 15 Jul 08

    I agree

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  20.   buddyh says:
    Posted: 15 Jul 08

    If you dont mind me commenting on this issue I would like to. Fact, there are good and bad in every walk of life and you cannot judge the majority by the actions of a small minority. Fact, some black men do go to jail, are gay and do beat their partners as do men from every other walk of life. Fact, some black women are gold diggers & b*tch**, as are women from every other walk of life. Remedy - We should treat each person as we find them and treat them as an individual because we are all unique. The black women I have met over the years have been some of the most glamourous, intelligent, beautiful and sexy women I have had the pleasure of meeting. The guys I have met have been good friends and loyal, a very rare trait now a days. Hopefully the bias will fade out eventually and the press will start to give favourable coverage to everyones achievements. To finish I would like to say, especially to the women (because I dont fancy blokes) you have many friends out there, you just need to allow some to get close to you, as not every glance is threatning or demeaning, some are admiration, some lust and others a longing to connect with you as friends, lovers or lifetime partners.

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  21.   DarlingGirl says:
    Posted: 15 Jul 08

    This is an interesting discussion but I feel a few key points have been overlooked. Of course Blacks are not the only group that has ever been enslaved. (and actually slavery still occurs) Now after writing that statement we need to remember that there is documentation existing from the 1400's of West Africans kidnapped and presented as sport in the court of Portugal's Prince Henry the Navigator. This was not an uncommon occurrence. Bear in mind that many European countries engaged in a competition of global expansion. Centuries before slavery in the U.S. displaying Black persons or grotesque imageries of them were done to titillate, frighten and make white people laugh. (What is population of the U.S.? Mainly and immigrant nation just because people moved from their native country they did not leave their conditioning nor racist views behind) A fascinating book on the topic is John Strausbaugh's "Black Like You: Blackface in American Popular Culture". Literally for over 600 years Blacks have been depicted as sub-human or at the very least "others". For a wake-up call I heartily recommend that you log onto Ebay and type Black Memorabilia into its search engine afterwards please share your experience of seeing the wonderful items for sale. Bear in mind racist items are banned on Ebay yet these items are for sale. (I won't give a clue as to what you will see in order not to dilute your shock) As for depictions of White persons obviously we are all so very very conditioned on some level with Blacks = Bad, White = Good it is reflected at the most basic level as to how many of us Black women treat our hair. (We are so well brainwashed that we don't even recognize it) Now in order to maintain the status quo of White = Good a scapegoat must be sought: for this we have the Blacks. Pornography is mainly a White industry and yet it is Black women who are painted as whores/goldiggers. Drug Trafficking through the ages has been controlled by Whites (follow the money trails) yet Blacks are all dopers and junkies. Accounts of Pedophilia, Incest and Rape are par for the course in the news (mostly committed by Whites) yet every Black man is to be feared as lunatic. The list goes on and on. As for Blacks and their relationships: I for one am tired of reading study after study regarding the decline of marriage in the American Black communities. (which translates as broken homes and just popping out babies) For heaven's sake in many European countries: France, Denmark, Germany to name a few have seen a decline in marriage and a rise in co-habitation and having children out of "wedlock". This is not emphasized. Why? It is the "jungle bunny, coon culture, purveyance of black as entertainment, black as scapegoat.

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  22.   Fireberry says:
    Posted: 15 Jul 08

    Maybe I'm naive but I honestly didn't know that black women were stereotyped as gold diggers until I read this. I knew a gold digger once and she was white. I think there are gold diggers in every race. I always thought of black women as stronger than the average woman because of their heritage but I guess that's also stereotyping on my part. As for black men being stereotyped as being either gay or in jail, I've never heard of that either. Most gay guys I know are white or hispanic and serial killers and rapists are profiled as white. So I honestly can't personally agree with that stereotype. But back to the subject of Blacks in relationships. I've dated a few black men that were gold diggers, jerks, momma's boys, you name it, but its the same with any other race of men that I've dated. However, most of the black men I have dated were very strong, sensual, protective, sensitive and caring towards me. They made me feel good about myself, girly, sexy and safe and for me that's what having a man is all about.

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  23.   Dada says:
    Posted: 14 Jul 08

    Dada, I agree and disagree. You said "Some black women dont even give a chance to know someone before coming to a conclusion", it not only black women that do this men and women in every race do this and to say that it is soley black women is unfair and perpetuating another myth. Furthermore, I have always found it funny that black men call black women gold diggers when thier are "gold diggers" in every race but WE are the only one who get the stigma. I find that a black woman who wants a man to be one her level is considered a "gold digger" we as black women are expected to accept mediocrity. I have found in my experience that black men have no problems w/ stepping to a sister knowing they are not in her league thinking she should take him on and "help a brother out" and is regarded as a gold digger when said sister does not accept the status quo. Coach30: WOW! I am shocked by what you have experienced, I don't know any women like that. I was raised by and w/ women who were and are educated and independent and expect the same from thier men. My question to you would be what are expecting on these "dates". It sounds like instead of meeting ladies, you are meeting what my grandmother would call "Women Of The Night!"

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  24.   dada says:
    Posted: 14 Jul 08

    Hmm intresting responses. I work in a multi-racial enviroment and to to be honest i think however we analyse it the stereotypes are there to stay why....we do it to ourselves. Black women think black men are lazy,black men think black women are goldiggers so what do you expect other races to think? we are our own worst enemy. Maybe am wrong but i have seen and experienced it alot. Some black women dont even give a chance to know someone before coming to a conclusion. The best thing is to deal with every situation individually.

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  25.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 13 Jul 08

    Blueyerose, I agree with your post and I also believe that often some conditions are labeled racism when it really is its twin cousin classism. Golddiggers, is just a term to to malign women in general, while letting men once again off the hook for their own choices...If you look at Ann Nicole Smith and that old fart she married, that old man knew exactly what he wanted and what he was more than willing to pay for..We can say that for kept women,trophy wives etc...Yes, there are women who solely wants a financial relationship with men and I think very few men today would not know the difference. However women should seek a financial stable mutual agreement upon relationship..Nobody really wants to marry a pauper? And from a historical point of facts, whether marriages are based on classism or arranged marriages financial stability is probably number 1 or 2...Been that way forever... My friend attended a top ten ivy league college and she told me, dating- first questions from the males and females was, college attended, family name and business...Yes, college kids from yale is not likely to date someone from community college, especially a trust fund baby...And we know that in fairness..White people who are poor, lives in trailer parks, southern states particularly, coal miners are often villified and stereotyped as well...And I ensure you they do not feel white and privileged..Some of the most toxic waste dumps are in some on these communities, which has caused deaths and generational birth defects and because they are poor they have little to no voice in that atrocity, nor can they holler the "hot buzz word" of racism...But I think most people who was fair would agree that this would not happen in a upper to middle class white neighborhoods or even in alot of Black communities as well... Which is just an example of how racism and classism are twin cousins with the same results. African Americans have a class system as well, so when alot of them who are under the believe that we are a monolith race...I say that is a lie That someone mention before..No not all blacks listens (not even a majority to even make rap a statement of concern to blacks) to rap as a matter of fact rap music biggest consumers are white suburban kids and rap has taken serious blows due to its misogny contents. However racism and classism is not going away, nor can it be eradicated...However unlike yesterday or even 20,30 or 300 years ago..We as humans have evolved, we as Americans have evolved and we have to acknowledged that progression as well as the need to improve other areas..However, it is never going away, so I would tell anyone...Still live and love and live your life in spite of..

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  26.   satin56 says:
    Posted: 13 Jul 08

    Everyone has the right to be with whom they Choose ,However I would not date any one that would place a label on me,However we all know that white women are not placed in the same place as a black women ,Society has placed label on people since the beginning,The only differnce that I can see is that as a black women I am empowered to be come whom I choose and not settle for less,I perfer to date out side of my race not because of money ,that is my perference,some of us as a black people place labels own ourself and becomes offended when other do ,We are strong black women and we deserve to be treated like the queens we are and lets not settle for anything less rather it is a brother are a white man. peace

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  27.   lovemyjeans says:
    Posted: 13 Jul 08

    Negative images must be counteracted. Otherwise, we run the risk of allowing someone else (society, mainstream media, etc) to define who we are. Ignoring the issue, would only allow it to spread (unchecked), and could be interpreted as agreement. I do not relate to the stereotypes presented to me, and I don't think they relate to the majority of Black people in America. However, that image is being pushed to BIILLIONS of people each day, EVERY DAY. If you think that this message doesn't effect you in anyway, and that “educated? people will see through the b***s***, then let me also present to you, that the world is flat, mental illness is demonic possession, women can't do "men's work", and slavery is ok. Though it seems ignorant now, educated people supported those very ideas, and they had to be proven wrong. I push against the stereotypes for myself and for my sons. I define who I am, and I want them to do the same.

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  28.   Jai says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 08

    I would like to thank blueeyedrose for acknowledging white privilege as many dont. I enjoyed reading all the post more of Nandi's than all. I am a 23 yr old black woman that see's black relationships stereotyped the way they are for just the same reason as black men and women are stereotyped period. As many has said it begins with oneself. Your home. I see blacks perpetuating the the streotypes evryday so we can't continue to blame any one race or situation for what we have ackowledged ourselves but continue to take part of. Not all of us, of course, but what do we see through the media lens? We see the hoods and ghettos and the negativity that thrives in them. Think about the west side of Chicago in the 60s....when domestic murders happened, media and cops referred to them as a "west side divorce" ...although times aren't AS bad the majority's way of thinking really hasn't changed. And call me a "gold digger" because as someone else said any good woman,any race/ethnicity, of worth, wants a man of worth. I am young and realize that racism is very much alive and it will forever be a white man's country. BUT I'm going to get mines lol and not live my life by the negatuive sterotypes.

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  29. Posted: 12 Jul 08

    I have to say that I really appreciate the comments from Nandi and Worthurwhile in this thread. Being one of "those" infamous white women who honestly feels herself worthy of a "wealthy" man, I say, there is absolutely no reason that a black woman shouldn't feel the same way. How not? White women are every bit as likely to be superficial "gold diggers" as black women, AND they are also every bit as capable as being truly worthy of a "wealthy man" as black women, as well! Again ... how not? The thing that I think may be getting overlooked in this discussion, however, and perhaps it is being overlooked because it IS a race issue, is what makes a MAN "wealthy." The discrepancy lies, in my opinion, in the past, in our prejudice, and in our small minded thinking. I believe that black men, honestly, are not given the same opportunities to become as wealthy as white men. It's not fair, but it is what it is. If a black man is an eagle, an achiever, an ambitious man, that is often not enough in the face of a racist society, to beget wealth. It is true, however, that nor is it always "a given" for a white man to achieve wealth ... but just as I see the limited opportunities for a woman to achieve in a man's world, I also see the difficulties for a black person to make strides in a white world ... the odds are in the white man's favor. Forgive me, but at some point, someone had to say this. Likewise, and not secondary in the least, if a man -- white, black, or otherwise -- is in line to inherit the wealth of a predecessor, he is not necessarily worthy of the wealth he receives. In my humble opinion, WEALTH is, instead, a relative measure of both where a man has come from and what he has chosen to do with it. And, it is of THIS definition of wealth, that I feel myself worthy. Bottom line: if a man has done WONDERS with the hand he has been dealt, I would like to meet him! And, if that makes me a "gold digger" ... dig on!! And I don't see why any woman of worth of any other ethinic/racial background would feel differently. We are, after all, each of us, looking for the best match that we can find, are we not? Financial stability is often, but not always, a sign of a successful human being. I am the first to acknowledge that there are other factors as well, but PLEASE forgive these women who solely seek a gentlemen of comfortable means. They may be seeking meerly the peace and comfort we all deserve. Sincerely, -- BER

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  30.   sweetnae says:
    Posted: 11 Jul 08

    Thanks everyone's comments and opionion makes sense, people need to forget about stereotypes, let go and let God. I really don't like to hear women and men in general put them self out there and get caught up in these negative stereotypes.Let's have more pride in our self and rise above all of the self hate, and move on with our life, have peace and love and trust in God. Thank you all for leting me voice my opinion. Much love and respect!!

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  31.   coffee77 says:
    Posted: 11 Jul 08

    To babydee, I'm an Independent who has voted for both Democratics and Republicans; however, your thinking process is a bit perplexing. I think it does have a little to do with slavery, but I don't think men have been taught how to respect (black) women. I don't think most of them had real example of men in the home to model after. And, unfortunately so many women have sold out just to get any black man.

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  32.   Soulmate2U says:
    Posted: 10 Jul 08

    I agree with much of what has been said here, especially with what NANDI has had to say. There is no doubt that the stereotypes of all races and cultures are being both perpetuated and challenged at the same time. The enlightened and intelligent ones are confronting the myths, and the ignorant ones are fueling the stereotypes, mostly out of fear. As humans, we all have a certain fear of something that is perceived as 'different" than we are. In the extreme case this fear becomes xenophobia and all societies and cultures, throughout time, have shown a history of being guilty of that fear. ALL OF THEM. There is a collective consciousness of the human race that affects each and every one of us. It affects us whether we know it or not; it affects us whether we want it to or not. It is this collective human cosciousness that holds false beliefs in place, to be further passed on, ...generation through generation. Some keys to rising above the trap of collective conscioiusness and its dangers are: 1. Be AWARE of what we individually think, feel, and most importantly believe. It has to start with each individual consciousness. It must begin within the BEING of each of us. 2. Continue to be the Intelligent human response to ignorance and sterotypes through our own personally "raised consciousness". Be a beacon of LOVE which is TRUTH, the direct opposite of fear (the perpetuator of hate, sterotypes, etc). 3. Be Highly Conscious and go Within to "Remember" we ARE ALL THE SAME, even if we are clothed in different suits of flesh. I realize this is type of suggestion seems oversimplistic and very cliche or naive, but when we consciously slow down and intently simplify life, incredible progress is made. But there is no neeed to look "out there" for the answer, because, as usual, the True Answer lies within each of us. That's what makes us ONE. With respect to why the "black sterotypes" have been so difficult, and seemingly impossible to overcome, I believe that there are just so many negative influences out there that is is very hard to pin it down to just one or two causes. I certainly believe that it did indeed start with the inhuman experience of slavery in America, and that is still with us. It permeates our society's beliefs about all African Americans today. Once again, I agree with NANDI that the black slavery experience in America is unique in its own way,...much different than slavery in other countries. Also, the black race and culture had no choice but to integarte and immigrate into American society in a much much different manner than other cultures. Other immigants did not have to experience such terrible and cruel sterotypes when they first entered this counrty. The manner in which out entire media industry has historically presentd the black community has only exasperated the myths. As a white male, there is no doubt in my mind that the black male is certainly portrayed in a very negative manner within the media. There is no doubt about it. I believe this is also very true of "THE ANGRY BLACK WOMAN", that is catured on the evening news over and over and over. It will take an incredible amount of love and faith to overcome this trend. The sad part of all this is that most of the black women I know are anything but angry, or golddiggers, or B*****S, etc. They are very warm, gentle, loving, compassionate women. In addition, most of the black men I know are not violent, criminal, or lazy. They are just like all of the other men I know,...kind, friendly, hard working and wonderful fathers. I just don't get where all the negativity comes from. Now, I fully admit that racism is alive and well in the USA. Not to the extent it was 50 yrs ago, or even 100 yrs ago; but it is still here. It is here and I see it often. That does mean that we have not evolved into a more intelligent people, and that we continue to do so; but growing up in midwest, middle-class America, I see where it is very hard to have these sterotypes die when white people continue to express them (most often behind closed doors when no black people are around). I have heard some (not all, mind you) white people, mostly white males, make ignorant racial comments in private that they would never make in public. When they are challenged on these, most of them will admit they did not really mean it ("hey, I was only joking"), but some of them continue to hold onto these ignorant and false beliefs. So, how do black people overcome such ignorance and stupidity? We all know it is out there, and I don't blame the Black community for discussing these things. It hurts. Its painful. And is this one of the reasons why this topic is discussed so much within the black community. Discussion is cathartic and healing. Even if a very determined and enlightened black individual has decided to overcome this exisitng racism with intelligence, higher consciousness, and love, there are still times they KNOW the ugliness is still there. And that cuts deeply into the heart and soul of any person. It has to hurt and we all react to hurt and pain in the same way. For many of us, we TALK about it and through this healing process,... get ovet it. So, I don't believe that Talking about the sterotypes is as serious a problem as being UNAWARE that we are talking about them (if that makes any sense). If we all fall into the ingnorance and blindness of the collective consciousness and continue to express beliefs that FEED THE MYTH, then we are hopeless in solving the problem. When we become unconsciouly "obsessed" with talking about the problem, ... then we actually fuel the fire. Personally, I think it is going to continue to be a very hard obstacle to overcome. I do believe that it will be overcome because I experience less racism today that I did even 10 yrs ago.; plus a blog like this gets us all discussing the topic in an intelligent, loving, caring manner. And that in itself is the start to letting it go. I have always believed that in many things we do, it not so much what we do, it's HOW we do it. This dating site is a blessing in getting to the root of these sterotypes. Interracial relationships, at any level, will eventually break down the stereotypes. I know this has been the case in my life.

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  33.   coach30 says:
    Posted: 10 Jul 08

    My first post here, nice to see you all. I can only post from personal experience, and Ive only been doing the interracial thing for about 6 mos, and yet Ive become very frustrated. Ive met some black women at clubs, and online. We talk a little, they end up calling me, texting me, wanting to know when we can go out, then we schedule a date and 1 of 2 things happen. Half dont show up at all, and the other half cancel at the last minute, at which point I dont reschedule out of frustration. Secondly, of the few girls that did actually show up for dates, most ended up asking me for money at the end of the night. WTF is that? I must just be meeting the wrong people. So Ive personally and repeatedly dealt with 2 of the stereotypes being discussed here. I rarely had such things happen to me when dating white women. But dont get me wrong, I aint ever going back!

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  34.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 09 Jul 08

    elo_sko, Although I completely understand the jest of your post and I still standing on mines that the media campaigns and stereotypes morphed from the peonage and jim crow era...It is indeed a known fact that many race/ethnic groups were slaves at one point in time..However this topic was Blacks in slavery and it was illegal for them to be educated or even practice religion during the slavery period...Not to mention that slaves came from various countries in Africa..Africa is a continent not a single country, so in essence their were many dialects, traditions etc....when slaves arrived and merged on plantations...Which is why each race/ethnic group history on their own slavery is different...There is no comparisons..Especially since most slaves where atleast enslaved in their own lands..Although, I agree stereotypes are created to malign and justify the treatment of those oppressed... The only bottom line is their is good and bad in every race/ethnic group...This is a human condition...The stereotypes and generalizations are just things to keep the wheel of racism/classism going....

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  35. Posted: 09 Jul 08

    Nandi put it best - common sense/intelligence has to be a factor before posting something on these blogs. I am curious to see the statistics that "amorbwa" is speakig about.. actually, strike that, i don't want to see them because you are the kind of person that I keep encountering over and over.. you have nothing positive to add to the post, just agenda's and propaganda's. Same goes for you babydee - your political views do not serve any purpose here. @Charmyluv - who said that black people were the only ones that were enslaved? The core question which has been addressed by various INTELLIGENT POSTS is to try and figure out why the "black" factor comes into play over and over and over during conversations especially with relationships! I am so sick and tired of people like you that hide behind fake profiles and keyboards and only come out to make dumb statements. arrgghh! SEE AND BE SEEN WILL YA?

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  36.   ela_sko says:
    Posted: 09 Jul 08

    Hi everyone who made a comment .... I found it very interesting for many reasons , mainly I am on my way to fall in love with my "boo" very sweet interesting , well educated ,inteligent , gentle workocholic from North Carolina ...me myself it happened to have pail skin ...however just a thought to share .....simply let the numbers talk ...the statistic ...and I really don't have any idea about what statistic says at the moment .....but back to the subjec "slavery " - it seems to me very popular opinion and perhaps very convinient excuse for some people!!! ....I am bulgarian and my people have been for 500 years enslaved , but they preserved their tradition , language , religion and values....and I can tell you ...some of them are lazy , some of the cheeting and some of the are "gold diggers" ....but it is up to the personality , to the individual ....if you are with value and qualities , no matter the stereotypes you ,can always proof yourself, or there is always possibilities for transformation . Much love Ella

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  37.   charmyluv says:
    Posted: 09 Jul 08

    SLAVERY SLAVERY IT'S NOT ONLY BLACK PEOPLE WERE SLAVE. SOME PEOPLE TALK LIKE IT'S ONLY BLACK PEOPLE WERE ENSLAVE, BE HAPPY AND PUT THAT SLAVE SHIIT BEHIND, I DONT GIVE A FUUCKK WAT STEROTYPES PEOPLE MAY SAY AND THINK

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  38.   ChocoDrop says:
    Posted: 09 Jul 08

    I think our relationships are the most recognizable and we as a people are the most recognizable because their is not another group of people on the earth that look like us. Think about it, ppl in South America can be confused w/ ppl from the Phillipines or Thailand at anytime. The average black person (and yes I do realize that we come in 24 shades) you can't say that about. As far as the myths, yes thier are a myriad of myths about black (particuarly American Blacks) that are a carry over from slavery. And continue to be perpetrated today by the media and even by many in our own community.

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  39.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 09 Jul 08

    Actually those stereotypes morphed from the peonage and Jim Crow eras...During slavery there was no need to formulate stereotypes because their was no accountability for slavery nor the brutality against slaves...However when slavery legally but unofficially ended and morphed the peonage leading up to the Jim Crow era which started the campaign of stereotypes... We do not not all subscribe to it and never have...We also have a socio/economic class system like everyone else..Not every Black person identifies themselves with "gangsta rap, thugs, gold diggas" Just as, not every White person identifies themselves with with coal miners and trail park dwellers.. Personally, I say why bother trying to counteract stereotypes, most educated people knows better and racism is never going away, however to minimize it is to stop responding to it...Giving venues more attention and credit than they deserve or earned...

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  40.   LoveMyJeans says:
    Posted: 09 Jul 08

    I agree, so many of our negative sterotypes were formulated during slavery, and continue to be rooted in society/media. However, we, as a people, are also guilty of perpetuating those same lies, and not countering with the truth. There are great Black men & women, who are leading happy successful positive lives contributing to this society. But, are those images presented to us or our children? Sometimes. But, my thought is, it is not the responsibility of the media, or anyone else, to provide those images. It is our responsibility. Does it really make sense for us to allow our children (or ourselves) to dress/act like "gangstas, thugs, gold diggas or hos" just because it is "cool and the style"?? Yet we buy into it, and pay top dollar. Though we do not always control the media's portrayal of us, we do control the image we personally give to our family, friends, co-workers & others around us. That is how we counteract the negativity, by being living breathing examples of the truth.

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  41.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 09 Jul 08

    You should post those statistics and there is no we...I know of no one who could understand your post....

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  42.   amorbwa says:
    Posted: 09 Jul 08

    THERE ARE STATISTICS WITHIN THE "GOLD DIGGER" PEOPLE, THAT WE AS A RACE IN GENERAL, HAVE AND CONTINUE TO OVERLOOK..DO YOU ACTUALLY THINK THE SO CALLED "WRAPPERS orATHLETES WOULD EVEN GET A CHANCE AT THE FEMALES(any race)THEY ARE SEEN WITH IF IT THEIR FINANCES WEREN'T INVOLVED...I MEAN -TAKE A LOOK AT THE WOMEN WHOM ARE CONSISTENTLY TRYING TO FLAUNT WHAT THEY HAVE,AS FAR AS THEIR MAN...PERSONALLY, I THINK IT SPEAKS FOR ITSELF..... "MAKE MONEY-GO WHITE...BUT, ON YOUR WAY UP THAT LADDER, JUST GET A SWEET THING ON THE ARM, WHICH IS USUALLY-BLACK... I HAVE SEEN THIS AND THINK IT WILL CONTINUE TO GO ON...WE ALL KNOW--SUGAR IS WHITE!!!!

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  43.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 09 Jul 08

    babydee....What does political affliations have to do with this topic...Politics have nothing to do with black relationships or anyone's relationship... The stereotypes and generalations about Blacks is the emotional mental slavery stronghold attempt, unfortunately it has been successful to a point...However, I do not buy into it because we are not a monolithic race. And until I am given proven that gold digger, whore, convicts comes in only Black...I simply refuse to buy into and the ones that do are those that are dealing with their own self-hatred and inferiority complexes...In which they attempt to put a "we" on the topic when in fact it is only them individually... If we truly wanted to debunk these stereotypes and generalations, the best course is do not respond to it.... breebay...Thanks for the newsflash...So what is your point....

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  44.   cuteblkwm says:
    Posted: 08 Jul 08

    breebay - what does that have to do with the topic of discussion here? - you are a sick man. "In comparison to other races, why are there so many negative myths and stereotypes about black men and black women, and their relationships - same race or interracial?" - IS THE TOPIC OF DISCUSSION HERE! I think morning covered most of the reasons pretty well.

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  45.   breebay says:
    Posted: 08 Jul 08

    maya angelou was married to a white man. She was raped by a black man.

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  46.   breebay says:
    Posted: 08 Jul 08

    maya angelou was married to a white man.

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  47.   babydee says:
    Posted: 08 Jul 08

    A lot of black men just dont appreciate the politics it takes to advance in this western society.like morning flower stated this practice of human degradation dates back to the year we first arrived in america.Say for instance i was an exterminator and for years hundreds of years i have been exterminating bugs,over the decades i will aquire information about the types of pest.And with this information i would devise surefire methods to ensure that i never miss my target.Though we are not bugs they know what we like to eat where we like to hang at what makes us less than 100% in our actions they have been studying us.But like i started out stating about the politics black men dont appreciate the link between choosing or having a political agenda."Republicans" the party that helped and fought to end slavery.As black people we should be apart of the republican party not the democratic party.Republicans fought the democratic south or confederates to free blacks from injustices.So imagine how a republican looks at a blackman who is voting democrat its obomadible.They know how to keep the old against the young ,women against the men light skin against darker skin smart against average and so forth.And its being orchaesrtated by the democrats.The reason i believe black men vote democrat is their mothers and the mothers vote democrat for the free government pay checks its a trick thats working to perfection for them. just so you know i back the republican party,and i refuse to for a black racist baby killer who believes in helping planned parenthood carry out their evilness.did you guys know that whites are donating money to planned parenthood to assist african americans with abortions.the coordinator of this organization is a white woman who believes to successfully remove us from the new world they would have to place a blackman in a prominent position and we will follow the same way they did with martin luther king kennedy used him to get the black votes of men and women i plead with my women find out why and how did you become a democrat.so i warn you if you want this to be an obama nation prepare yourself for an abomination

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  48.   32bookworm says:
    Posted: 07 Jul 08

    I agree with both of you ladies. Most BW I know-myself included-are holding their own financially. In these tough economic times, who wants to add to their burden by dating a man who is not financially stable? From the dawn of time, women of all cultures have looked to their mate to provide and protect them. BW are the most vulnerable women on the planet, but when we look for mate w/those desirable characteristics, we're accused of being golddiggers. This has been my experience too. However I refuse to let society's perceptions affect my self worth. Let the world think I'm a golddigger vs looking for a man w/all the qualities a man should have. WW sure get a free pass on this this one!

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  49. Posted: 07 Jul 08

    Your response is very profound Morning - very eloquently stated and true. - Some of these stereotypes and perceptions are very deep rooted but the change starts with me. The most common misconception that I have encountered while dating online is "gold digger". For whatever reason, if a BW desires and seeks a man w/financial stability, then they're "golddiggers".When a WW seeks the same, she's deserves it because this is what she's accustomed. **** This is not everyone's perception*** but that is what I have personally encoutered. This is not to say that other races are not stereotyped - NO - But most of the negative "crap" as I like to call it, always seems to fall on black men/women in general. I am curious to see what others think. Great post Ria and thanks for a great "opening" to this discussion Morning.

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  50. Posted: 07 Jul 08

    I think that a majority of the negative stereotypes date as far back as the era of slavery. These stereotypes were handed down from generation to generation and it has and will continue to take a really proactive effort to change some of these perceptions. This can be done without compromising our values and principles. Secondly, not all of us may do this, but "WE" as a people need to stop with the negative comments about ourselves- how many times have I heard statements like ‘ Black men are either gay or in jail or both’ or 'Black women are gold diggers and b*tches' as if that were a fact? The stereotypes become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Our generation needs to change these stereotypes starting with ourselves and our children. Media (some - not all) have picked up on these stereotypes and "run" with them. You have to remember that the media influence society, so what is a black man portrayed as? lazy, cheap, cheater due to an over active prowling syndrome, greedy, very possessive and violent towards their women, great in bed though. Black Women? - snap your fingers, neck twisting, gold digging, flaunt your assets, classless, b****, great in bed though. We don't get to see enough of a black man's or black woman's humanity. To conclude on a positive note, I would to share this wonderful quote by Dr. Maya Angelou "Defying a history of horror and nowness of brutality, black men listen with strength; sparkle with wit and glow with love. I am the daughter, the mother, the grandmother, the sister, the friend and the beloved of wonderful black men and that makes my heart glad." -- Dr. Maya Angelou Thanks! :)

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