Can you forgive unconditionally?
For any relationship to survive, forgiveness is critical. One thing I have observed is how people forgive on condition that … Forgiveness is conditioned on better future behavior. As a child, saying sorry was the cure for all sins committed – that is the perception we were given anyway. But now the word sorry does not guarantee forgiveness – not even the conditioned kind.
When we burst a loved one for having done something wrong, we find it in our hearts to forgive them because we expect something in exchange for that forgiveness – that they will never do it again. But as soon as they repeat what they did, you revoke all prior forgiveness.
Screwing up in relationships is inevitable. But the wounds we inflict on each other when we screw up are healed through forgiveness. But much as the wound get’s healed, we are left scarred. And the scar tissue of emotional wounds is weak. So every time your spouse does something that needs forgiving, it weakens the relationship. What relationship can survives on a regular diet of forgiveness?
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Its easy to forgive when someone accidentally steps on your toes… it is much harder when the one you love deliberately tramps on your feet. And the more you keep repeating the same bad behavior; your spouse will start seeing it as deliberately inconsiderate and will stop forgiving you.
In relationships, even the tiniest mistakes count. When you forget to call as you promised, in itself, that mistake wont destroy your relationship. But repeated broken promises will. Avoid doing things that you know require forgiveness because as we have seen, forgiveness only lasts for as long as you don’t repeat what you did … ever!
Forgiveness seems to be conditional. At least mine is. But isn’t it supposed to be unconditional. Is unconditional forgiveness even possible?
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