Can you forgive unconditionally?

Posted by Ria, 16 Jul 10

For any relationship to survive, forgiveness is critical. One thing I have observed is how people forgive on condition that … Forgiveness is conditioned on better future behavior. As a child, saying sorry was the cure for all sins committed – that is the perception we were given anyway. But now the word sorry does not guarantee forgiveness – not even the conditioned kind.

When we burst a loved one for having done something wrong, we find it in our hearts to forgive them because we expect something in exchange for that forgiveness – that they will never do it again. But as soon as they repeat what they did, you revoke all prior forgiveness.

Screwing up in relationships is inevitable. But the wounds we inflict on each other when we screw up are healed through forgiveness. But much as the wound get’s healed, we are left scarred. And the scar tissue of emotional wounds is weak. So every time your spouse does something that needs forgiving, it weakens the relationship. What relationship can survives on a regular diet of forgiveness?

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Its easy to forgive when someone accidentally steps on your toes… it is much harder when the one you love deliberately tramps on your feet. And the more you keep repeating the same bad behavior; your spouse will start seeing it as deliberately inconsiderate and will stop forgiving you.

In relationships, even the tiniest mistakes count. When you forget to call as you promised, in itself, that mistake wont destroy your relationship. But repeated broken promises will. Avoid doing things that you know require forgiveness because as we have seen, forgiveness only lasts for as long as you don’t repeat what you did … ever!

Forgiveness seems to be conditional. At least mine is. But isn’t it supposed to be unconditional. Is unconditional forgiveness even possible?

12 responses to "Can you forgive unconditionally?"

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  1.   tina3219 says:
    Posted: 01 Aug 10

    Maggie gives me unconditional love. Maggie is my dog. My Mom gave me unconditional love no matter what I did she stood by me and encouraged me.

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  2.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 31 Jul 10

    My neighbor came to visit this past week / we meanwhile are in our 4 th year of marriage . While sitting in our livingroom he commented on our President / using " nigger " in his negitive statement . My wife set him straight in an instant / I feel that he was talking about himself in that he had Failed to vote in the last election and really retained " No Right to Complain " . I did knot ask how many votes he had gotten to his credit / mute point . Ignorance shows daily in Bigots with no Respect for Our house , Me or my Wife . Forgiveness was knot an Option when an Ignorant Asshole spouted words about Our President and did not even take the time to vote against him . Stupidity would be the word of the day / 58 years old and beyond Common sense and the Ability to Learn . I feel that President Obama has done his job well as the House and Senate have all the Power / yet he has to be the fall guy for their mistakes of many years . Imprisonment would be the only recourse for these people who have Openly Stolen from the citizens of the United States of America / yet then we wood still have to feed their Worthless Hides . Having Too much free time I Turned some words around in my mind this past week , Hehe . Lived is when you have Enjoyed life / yet spelled backwards it is Devil . God became Dog / who named these Deity ,Divinity ?

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  3.   WHURR says:
    Posted: 30 Jul 10

    I forgive all of the people on here that write more than 3 responses to the same article. I also unconditionally forgive all the people who use words with more than 3 syllables. I hate reading big words. Well I am at it.... I unconditionally forgive the 451 women out of 455 women that I flirted with and they never flirted back. Last but not least... I unconditionally forgive the 23 Nigerian hackers who daily email me hot emails with beautiful pictures... it is because of you that I know Viagra is not needed. Thank you for making me actually feel 'wanted'. I truly believe you do it, not for my money, but to make me feel special. THANKS NIGERIAN HACKERS FOR MAKING ME FEEL SPECIAL! I forgive the Raiders for keeping JaMarcus Russell so long. I forgive the Seminoles for keeping Coach Bobby for so long. I forgive the creators of The Sopranos for making a crappy ending. I forgive the makers of Oreo Double Stuff for lying off their azzes as they fool us with original Oreos. I forgive Rush Limbaugh's mother for suffering with him in her womb for 9 months. finally.... I unconditionally forgive myself for making you read this. WHURR

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  4.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 20 Jul 10

    " Mistakes " ; I saw totally no question of " Sexual Infidelity " in the Blog Topic Question . Yet it has become that " Answer " calling it a " Mistake " . Believe me there is far more to a Realationship succeeding than just Sex / There will be 24 hours in everyday . I WOOD CALL THAT BRAGGING if you never get out of bed together . Let us get our minds corrected to the other parts of What makes Life so Worthwhile . I read about affairs in the Tabloids , Hehe . This site is Designed to allow growth between two people . Only one was said to be " Perfect " / All others are said to be able to " Learn " from their Mistakes . I feel it is part of the Growing proccess / The way one shows " Correction " of a deed another thinks was wrong , would be the Ultimate answer to this question . Another case of " Let he or she , who is Without sin / cast the first stone " Forgiveness in a Love match truly would show if YOU [ plural ] were both worth the time to Correct Problems as a " Partnership " . Youth is the time spend Growing older / We all have stumbled as we learned to walk . Dwelling on another's faults - what occured in my previous life was the case of " Refinement " of errors in order to Make me Better for her / What are you worth if you cannot foregive someone you say you Truly Love ?

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  5. Posted: 19 Jul 10

    There is much to be said for the person who can truly own up to their mistakes. So often we shirk responsibility by blaming the person on the receiving end for "taking things the wrong way". Or we try to downplay the impact our mistakes have on others as if the level of hurt felt by the receiver should be null and void if the mistake in question was not intentional. It is very difficult to grant unconditional forgiveness when the offending party (intentionally or unintentionally) exerts conditions on the receiving party by using tactics like the few described above. Sometimes "I'm sorry" with no true sentiment behind it is simply not enough, because it is just an empty apology. But, by taking ownership where you: recognize the receiver's pain (instead of minimizing it), provide the truthful reason behind the mistake instead of passing blame (being selfish; wasn't thinking; head up your rear; etc.), reassure them and mean it when you say you will try not to repeat the mistake and then share what you gleaned in retrospect (if it hurt you to see them in pain or if you feared losing them ...then say so) ... sometimes this can be the sincerest form of apology for those seeking unconditional forgiveness.

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  6.   tina3219 says:
    Posted: 18 Jul 10

    Forgiveness is...well forgiveness. However I can forgive someone because I know that is their "character" they can't help it or either do not want to help it. So know what they are/know what you are dealing with and accept them for the person they are. The good and the bad. Now it becomes a personal choice of whether I wish to be around someone of that "character". I have deal breakers that will not permit me to be around people with certain characteristics. lol

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  7.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 18 Jul 10

    I Skirted the topic ; Feel no Offence being created / No Responce necessary . This is " True Love " , in an Ideal World . Why else wood we be Here ? Use Logic in your actions .

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  8. Posted: 18 Jul 10

    When one forgives, make sure the person you are forgiving is being sincere and honest. I forgave my ex long ago, but found out he was NOT sincere. Some people are never going to be trusted, if a person cheats once because of problems between you, maybe that can be corrected, but if the cheating is done behind one's back (i.e.Tiger Woods et al) then it says that the cheater cannot be trusted until they acknowledge they have a problem, and show they want to change. Al Gore of all people recently became a media target, but he travels a lot, has the money and means to have any woman he wants, because, unfortunately, women for whatever reason, still think they have to debase themselves this way-they do not, for me I would rather live on the street than accept a Tiger Woods-he is nothing..he can play golf-big whoop-THAT IS ALL HE IS WORTH-the money is NOTHING!!!He was not generous anyway..so women that think they have something special because a man like TW wants them-STUPID THINKING..he uses women like golf balls..sp women have to become empowered and tell men like that they are in fact NOTHING. Then and only then can women command how their lives turn out. I have observed that strong independent women have had a good relationship with their fathers..they have been raised to feel EQUAL.. I know I have.

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  9.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 17 Jul 10

    In a Partnership ; Judgement is 100 % of both people involved . Words brought to mind to think about on a personal level / Considerate , Compassion , Devotion , Knowledge , Tolerance and Love . We can never really know what another has Endured before we came together as one . We came here to Grow as One / Sacrifice of the thoughts of one's past life might be very important to ensure survival of a New life Together and Happiness , Joy and Laughter abound . Growth , anything Worthwhile takes time .

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  10.   party1 says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 10

    A very choice few people are exempt from a lifelong grudge and can recieve unconditional forgiveness from me.The majority of people though fall in to the "conditional" category where me forgetting is near impossible. A sincere apology is also recommended and appreciated ettiquette for anyone seeking forgiveness.. Forgiveness in matters of the heart are easier for me than business matters.Family members and lovers usually I tend to know their heart better than those I do business with or are just acquantances.Knowing a person enough to know their heart makes a huge difference when considering them for forgiveness. In considering forgiveness I also consider the offense,is it really that terrible of a thing? OR am I making it bigger than what it is.

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  11.   Kissime says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 10

    In Addition, it is important to understand forgiveness does not mean staying. Forgiveness provides sanity when you've been deeply inflicted. When trust is betrayed I am temporarily lost. Being subjected to such pain and deceit should be the last infliction:Right? No, not always. Calm does not always follow after the storm. I've met too many patients, men & women in fear of STD's from cheating partners. I met a woman with cancer-- already in fear of losing her life and leaving her 2 year old daughter an orphan--crying because she caught her husband cheating on-line (doesn't matter on or off-line) Now she has to worry about HIV and any other diseases that will compromise her immune system. And eventually kills her. As if chemotherapy wasn't enough. Is it worth staying in a relationship because you're comfortable? How comfortable can you be? -Forgive if you Must. But Move On Without the Inflictor

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  12.   Kissime says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 10

    Unconditional forgiveness is possible. It depends on the situation. I will forgive the occasional inevitable tiny mistakes. We are all guilty of derailed progress. Things happen. For example; not calling when promised (I'm a firm believer in keeping my promise) As long as it's excusable and not repeatable. Infidelity and abusiveness of any form is UNFORGIVABLE in My World. Unzipping your pants is a process. If one feels the need to have sexual encounters- I will obligingly open the door for you. But you need to know it will never be open for you to come back inside. You will never be invited to even peek through my windows. Kissime has left the balcony, Romeo. Mental infidelity is as cruel. It is painful and frustrating. It can make your world fall apart. There are unseen & seen traumas and hidden stitches all around it. In a Romantic relationship we are each other's confidence. The ability to converse without negative judgment with my man is essential. To confine in my man and he to me is unimaginably satisfying...and is a form of foreplay for me. ABUSIVENESS is characterized by improper or wrongful use. Insulting or coarse language is as bad as physical injury... Unacceptable! I'm called out of my name once--you will never reach the point of even touching me with a finger. I have never been physically abused-and if that should ever happen, not only will I not forgive-, I will make sure to press charges to the highest limit. Behaviors for the most part are repeatable. Practice makes perfect. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. A Fool Is a Fool-- and I am Not The One

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