Dating preference? Racial discrimination?
Most people who date interracially claim to have moved “beyond race”. However, more often than not, our decisions of who to date have and still are highly influenced by race. And the question of whether to date or not to date interracially seems to raise eyebrows - depending on how you look at it.
When in college, an male Asian friend of mine once told me he makes it a point NOT TO date Asian women so as to avoid being dubbed the ‘stereotypical Asian guy who only hooks up with Asian women’. Is this prejudicial?
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What do you think of people who exclusively date interracially or within their race? Most people who consciously choose to date members of a specific race, usually site attraction to particular physical features of that race.
Stereotypes about the sexuality of different races have influenced people’s perceptions of those ethnicities’ sexual desirability – or availability even. So, one can’t help but wonder whether the choosing to date members of a particular race is just a simple case of attraction or racial prejudice.
The automatic elimination of a racial group in one’s dating pool on the basis of physical appearance or features is generalization. And given that in reality there are diversities within every race, such dating discrimination is unjustified to say the least. It clearly proves that racial stereotypes feed into fetishization or exotification of certain racial groups. If you ask me, this is where it stops being about personal taste.
Well, looking deeper into preference, one could truly be attracted to light-skinned individuals. But what are the motives behind this attraction? Could it be that we are trying to conform to (or reject) beauty standards set by the media, all the while trying to convince ourselves that our dating preferences are not about race but mere personal attraction?
Do you think making the conscious choice TO date or NOT TO date someone from your own race is somewhat racist? What about making the conscious choice TO interracially date members of a particular race? Is this a different kind of discrimination?
52 responses to "Dating preference? Racial discrimination?"
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georgiaborn says:Posted: 22 Dec 09Hazelpride - YOU ARE SO RIGHT!!!!! I like your perspective on the subject! I have a son, my father was a black man...I am undeniably a black woman of a darker hue! In my industry (International Trade) I met men from all backgrounds but white men and mostly drawn to men. I have had black men tell me that I am a white woman trapped in a black woman's body (WHAT!!!!!!!???) Never understood that comment at all but also did not put too much time and effort in trying to understand it. I have been married to black men (2 husbands) and I have only dated black men. Honestly...I was afraid to even think that men of any other ethnic background would be attracted to me. Also I live in the dirty South so you can imagine...racism is definitely alive and kicking here! Currently the black men I have dated only looked at where I live, how much I make...in essence what I could do/give them...how exhausting is that!! Whenever we would go out they look at me to pick up the check. So for years after my divorce I did not date anyone! Now it seems that white men and drawn to me...it was scary at first because I had no idea how my family would react. I have girlfriends of all colors/ethnic backgrounds...so color does not matter to me at all...for me it was just the fear of the retaliation of where I live...BUT for 2010 I am not thinking about any of it!!!! Interracial dating is definitely not for the faint at heart...especially here in the South because couples here still get stares and racial slurs are still spray painted on homes... For me it is not a matter of preference as far as color...for me it is someone who is a good man and it does not matter to me the skin suit he is wearing!!!
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Bellara says:Posted: 09 Nov 09
Racial preference in dating is definitely NOT racial simply because it's much better and healthier to be honest with yourself by going for who and what attracts you and appeals to you. I prefer men of other race than men of my race because as much i think black men are beautiful, they don't just do it for me. It doesn't mean that i hate them, it simply means that i PREFER (thats the key word) to date outside my race. It becomes racial if i particularly show anger, rudeness, or hate towards them. It's as simple as that.
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Jake says:Posted: 24 Oct 09
Not to insult anyone's intelligence, but I'll post a "Cliff's Notes" version of my long post above. After all, it takes all kinds to make the world go around and if there are not-so-smart or short-attention span-havin' people reading this, they deserve an explanation too! My Main Points: 1. It's foolish to automatically assume that all interracial relationships are living examples of anti-racism. You do not fight racism by having sex with someone that is a different color from you - there are better and more productive ways to fight racism. In fact, some of those interracial relationships actually occur/occurred BECAUSE of racism, usually inwardly directed racism/self-hatred. 2. There are minorities, but especially minority women, who were intellectually and mentally "soft" enough to fall prey to racist social pressure that holds 'whiteness' up as an ideal. They developed patterns of self-hatred. These same women end up choosing white men as mates because they unconsciously want to be white, and then actually go on to think that by doing so, they are fighting racism. That is incorrect, foolish, and in the end embarrassing for them. 3. There are white women who exploit this weakness in minority women. It's a form of racist exploitation. But many of them will NEVER admit that, and continue to insist in public that they are 'colorblind'. This is both irritating and amusing at the same time. 4. Never believe what the media tells you without thinking it over first. It's like candy: it only rots your brain like sugar rots your teeth. Thank you!
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Jake says:Posted: 24 Oct 09
I meant "black OR white". Oh man.. MJ's turning in his grave now. I know it. RIP man, don't fret!
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Jake says:Posted: 24 Oct 09
Comment by OakViolin on 25 June 2009: "Well said, hazelpride! You’re right, we do not have to justify our wants & desires to anyone, and I am done with psychoanalyzing it to death! If others wanna say I have issues, fetishes, biases, etc, let them. I know what I like, and that’s what I will pursue :)" OakViolin, I agree that people will almost always end up doing what they want to do, even if others don't like it or question it, as long as it is within the bounds of the Law. This means that people are knowingly (and sometimes subconsciously, in the case of minorities with internalized racial self-hatred) exploiting certain loopholes to position themselves in unique interracial dating/marriage situations that involve dynamics of race, gender, and economics - all to get an upper hand in the mating game. In a nutshell: it's racial/gender/economic exploitation. Is it wholesome? Not at all. In fact, it's kind of... gross and seedy. But they're *still* not breaking any actual laws, so they'll still do it. My contention is that relationships between minority women (usually Latin and Asian women - note the economic correlation where many of these women are immigrants who come from nations and backgrounds with relatively less wealth than the average Caucasian American) and the incumbent male group (in the case of America: white men) often exploits this imbalance for mutual benefit - although in the end it is the white male that benefits the most, because though the minority woman was able to "climb" a perceived racial hierarchy through the exchange of sex for (white) privilege, they ultimately still operate and exist in the shadow of their white man. This inequality is inextricably pinned to the underlying inequalities between men of color and white men, for obvious reasons: if all men were equal (in perceived and/or racial status) exactly 0% of women would choose their mates, at least in part, along that criteria. But we *clearly* see those trends manifesting itself in the real world, and it's not just limited to "mail order brides": even Americanized or American-born women of color do this! This is why some minority women have a self-satisfied look on their face when with white men - as far as they're concerned they've successfully piggy-backed their way to the top. I see this dynamic in all minority women, but it seems to be the most pronounced in Asian women. It's disgraceful, and a mockery of the idealized image of a relationship that managed to bridge different cultures. It's really quite insulting to my intelligence, to put it bluntly. The *funny* thing is that almost all of them interpret my trepidation concerning CERTAIN interracial relationships as "racial hatred", as though I was the second coming of Adolf Hitler. Interesting, huh? My objection to subtle layers of racism and bias within their mate choice get's labelled as "racist" itself. What a joke! LOL. Far from it - I emphatically support interracial dating in PRINCIPLE, and I have done it myself, learning a lot about the world, other people, and myself in the process. It CAN be a beautiful thing, if done for the right reasons. But then the funny thing is that *all* people always assume that they are right. These closet racists will go to their graves believing that their IR choices are holy and untouchable - living symbols of their imagined victory over racism and prejudice. I smell BS. I guess the reality is that the world doesn't exactly run on idealized principles, and there will always be shady people trying to pass themselves off as decent people. And that is what rubs me the wrong way. I believe what I said above because I think that interracial couples are ABSOLUTELY EQUAL to monoracial couples (Duh, right?), and no better (or worse). Yet the smugness some of them display can be quite irritating - it's as though actually consider themselves to be better than people who either happened to or chose to date within their own ethnic groups. Isn't THAT racist and prejudiced, too? Disagree? Why? Please say it ain't so. The key difference between me and some people is that I don't BLINDLY support *all* interracial dating, automatically assuming that they ALL happen for good or healthy reasons. Because they simply do not. But at the end of the day, I accept that people are going to do whatever it is they are going to do in terms of interracial dating, all the gender/racial/political baggage be damned. Still, even if that is the case - let's not forget that personal bonds and affections can EASILY be built ON or AROUND racist and sexist beliefs in both individuals in a relationship - and they can *still* find a workable path that can result in many years of happy marriage, children, and the whole nine yards. In short: the capacity to demonstrate a self-serving love isn't anything profound or deep. The many interracial couples that build their love and lives around false pretenses are testament to that fact. There are so many examples: an Asian woman who is an auto-racist toward Asian men, but has married a white man and has beautiful Eurasian children and a loving and accepting family. If such an individual isn't a living, breathing example of the DUALITY (of good and bad) in the nature of CHOICE involving 'politicized and gender-ized' interracial relationships, then what is? There's no if and buts: she would be an example of an individual that built a functional love and marriage on a very unsavory foundation of racial (albeit inwardly directed) prejudice. And then there's something that I like to call "racist opportunism". An example is a white man who habitually dates Asian women. He has figured out a loophole: Asians suffer quite severely from internalized racism, and the country is flooded with Asian women who want nothing more than to symbolically expunge their Asian-ness by romantically attaching themselves to a white man. He can exploit this to satisfy his racial fetish, or in the case of a non-fetish, shi loneliness (presumably by rejection from white and other non-Asian women). And so he goes to Asian club nights, parties, goes to Asian dating sites - and it's only a matter of time before he finds one, or even many that are willing to play. Note that all of the above can happen with individuals belonging to EITHER gender and ANY race. There's a lot of hoopla around the act of interracial dating and marriage: it's suggestively and obliquely trumpted and celebrated by the media as a "triumph over prejudice and hatred". Pretty simplistic, but that's how they do it - and a lot of people buy into this. I mean, this may have been true in an era of overt racism in the past, but I no longer buy it today. So a NEW MYTH is born: one of the 'holy' infallibility of people who choose to date someone of another race. They figuratively become "race-mixing" messianic figures, and whenever someone utters a word of caution (as I am doing here) they are excommunicated from their (supposed) interracial garden of eden with a withering barrage of "RACIST!! RACIST!!" So in summations there's some food for thought: the rampage of liberal simpletons who don't even realize their own subtle racist choices in IR dating/marriage, and celebrate *any* kind of IR like it's the second coming of Christ. In reality though, we're entering a new era where things come in many shades of gray: even interracial relationships - specifically the imbalance and polarization in certain interracial gender combinations (for example the skew in AF/WM and AM/WF relationships, or the skew in BF/WM and BM/WF relationships) - can be symptoms of a set of society-wide prejudices that are rooted in unique and simultaneous combinations of sexism AND racism. What do you people think? I think that the actual act of crossing color-lines to fornicate/miscegenate/marry is starting to become "passe", in terms how really 'ground breaking' and 'pioneering' it is. One could say that that is progress. And it certainly is, compared to when people had a complete fit over a black man simply making innocent conversation with a white girl. But what I'm saying is that "progress" has been uneven, and the results of this interracial experiment are showing signs of the underlying forces of capitalist exploitation, American cultural and politial Imperialism, racism and sexism. It's simply not as simple as "It don't matta if you're black and white" (sorry MJ - we love you!).
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Ijey04 says:Posted: 15 Sep 09I think the world will be better off the day we start to look beyond race and ethnicity.
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salsera77 says:Posted: 15 Sep 09I've been told by family that since I have a mixture of races in me why wouldn't I be attracted to other races and so what. I'm good with that!
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Incogni says:Posted: 14 Sep 09
I am the product of interracial relationships, so I myself am naturally inclined to be attracted to all different types of women regardless of their ethnicity. I am White, Asian and Latino. Women of all races have told me I was attractive and I have dated most of the spectrum. However, a woman must be open-minded to be even casually attracted to a man like me. The typical White, Black or Asian woman is not attracted to me. From what I've noticed the majority of White women like White, Black and sometimes Latino men, Black women usually only date Black men and Asian women usually strictly date White men. Asian features in men are looked down upon in American society. Think about it. There are no Asian American male sex symbols on TV or anywhere in the media. It doesn't matter If you're over 6' tall and are mixed like me. If you have Asian features and you are a man, you will most likely have a harder time finding women who will want to date you.
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chicnvanilla says:Posted: 12 Aug 09I being Bi Racial have been on several dating sites. I get more flirts and winks by WMs than any other ethniticitys,even though I do not always specify a particular preference. gowithyourheart, you dont know if your soul mate is in your own ethnic group. If more white and black people traced their family trees back to the days of slvaery, they would see what a diverse gene pool they have. Attraction is what it is. My brother in law is a WM and has always only dated BW. My mom is a WF and so I have white uncles, aunts and cousins. When reading profiles on this site, most of the guys who have children have white children, so I have to wonder if dating outside their etnic group is a experiment. I have no hang ups about being seen in public with my WM, I hold my head up high and am proud to be seen with him (STILL SEARCHIN') When I read profiles, I look at what the person wants out of a relationship, his goals, family values and other aspects. It just happens that most of my contacts are from WM. People just need to get over their hang ups, date who you want, dont be afraid to approach someone from a different ethnic group, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
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gowithyourheart says:Posted: 09 Aug 09
"How do you know your soul mate is the same color or ethic origin as you are"
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gowithyourheart says:Posted: 09 Aug 09
I am a 48 year old woman who has been internet dating. I found myself only selecting white men for profile preferences. The other night I went out dancing with a friend and met a really wonderful black man, he has a lot of the same values that I do as well as a wonderful personality. I found myself instantly attracted to him for what was inside as well as outside. I have never cared about the color of anyones skin I just never thought about dating a black man before. I am looking forward to getting to know him as a person. I do not really care what people say or think I am confident and comfortable with who I am. So what I really am seeking in a man has nothing to do with the color of his skin. I now know what a friend of mine meant when she said "How do you know your soul is the same color or ethnic orgin as you are" you just never know who that person may be. I can I am prejedice against men who treat women badly no matter what color the man's skin is so I choos to only date men who treat women right.
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runner19 says:Posted: 08 Aug 09
It's odd because there seem to be two posts with similar usernames aliekatt2 and allikat...I would have to say I have a completely divergent view from I guess it would be, allikat although I haven't read all the comments. As for aliekatt2, I agree with you girl. I don't think I have ever consciously felt attracted to someone because of their race. While certain physical characteristics are more attractive to me than others, it is intellect and honest to goodness good manners that really attract me to a guy. Oddly enough, I grew up in California too! :-)
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chicnvanilla says:Posted: 28 Jul 09
I am bi racial, white mom, black dad. I have dated white, black , bi racial( not just black/white ) and hispanic guys. For me its about the physical attraction, not the race. I am talking to a guy from this website who happens to be white, the attraction is mutual, we have been emailing daily, his ethneticity was not a factor. We need to just love one another for who we are , not worry about looks and race. If we were meant to be one race with one language , look how boring life would be. Enjoy life, its too short to worry about light skin, dark skin, white skin.
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allikat says:Posted: 22 Jul 09
I don't kno if I would consider eliminating a certain person from you dating pool racist...just preference. I am a white female, and my boyfriend is black...I didn't set out to say I am going to find a black man to date, and no one else will do..lol..but I do find myself more attracted to black men than white nowadays, mostly b/c I find a lot of white men to be too redneck for me..I'm not the sittin around watchin the race type of girl. I doubt I would ever date an asian or hispanic person, not that I haven't found a few attractive, but I am 5'9" and I don't really like guys that are shorter than me, and typically they are shorter.. I dunno..
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aliekatt2 says:Posted: 13 Jul 09
I whole heartily agree with aigoo. First I'd like to ask, WHERE DO YOU PEOPLE LIVE! Lol. j/k. I guess it's different for me, cuz I grew up in Kali, Hollywood to be exact. My first boyfriend ( 3rd grade hee-hee was Remey, and he was African-American.) My first real boyfriend was white, and no one saw a problem with that. Most of my school was dating someone from a different race, and it was an Elite L.A. Catholic School. I guess you could say that I am a product of my environment and upbringing. I have dated Black men,Mulatto men, Arab men, Romanian, Armenian, Chek, Croatian, Spaniards, Portuguese, Mexican, Costa Ricans, Domenicans, Irish, British, Scottish, Russian,Peruvian, Columbian, Puerto Rican, Jewish, Germans, and I could go on, I'm 40 years old. ( this does not mean slept with hee-hee.) And it was the personality that attracted me to them, not the skin color. ( and sometime because they were hot, lol)But skin color didn't enter the picture. Color was not a word in my home, and my Dan judged the guys that I dated by their character, not by their skin color, and if they would treat his Hija like the queen that she was in his eyes. I have never experienced prejudice in my face till last week. If it was there, it was always behind my back. I grew up knowing that race is a thing that you challenge your best friend to on the way home from school, not who you are as a person. I do have a preference, and that's intelligence.
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miri2008 says:Posted: 09 Jul 09
P.S. One of my most passionate wishes is that I would live to see a generation of youth in America who will demand that we obliterate references to 'race' in this country, who will question the purpose of these checkboxes on all forms, who will insist on simply celebrating the best of the rich cultural heritages of the varieties of ethnicities that make up this awesome country, because they recognize the stunning potential (and necessity) of unity if we are to not only survive, but thrive as a nation. --- oops, wrong blog? lol ...
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miri2008 says:Posted: 09 Jul 09
I don't recognize 'race' as I see that as something that was made up by some with an intent to degrade, discount, and disenfranchise. I do recognize ethnicities as a natural part of human existence. To me, it is natural to have a tendency to feel comfortable with and strongly identify with the ethnicities that I was born into. I see them as my extended family, my people. I think many people feel this way. In homogeneous societies where a single ethnic group is the overwhelming majority, I can see how it would be natural for people from that group to have an extremely strong tendency to stick with what is familiar, comfortable, and known. However, America is an extremely heterogeneous society, where even those who misguidedly think of themselves as belonging to a single 'race' are in fact members of a large variety of ethnic groups. In this society, people are able to grow up identifying with and feeling comfortable with many, many ethnicities. So, it is quite natural here for people to develop attachments and preferences across ethnicities. In fact, what is unnatural, and requires effort, is to try to prevent this from happening. This is why, in America in particular, I don't see any preferences developing across ethnic boundaries as being in any way suspect, odd, or unexpected. This is what segregation was meant to prevent. Because, without segregation, nature will take its course. People will get to know each other, develop comfort levels, observe that they now have a huge variety of ethnicities to choose from, and will proceed to do exactly that - as natural as breathing : )
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JAjoan says:Posted: 08 Jul 09
To nuknap, I appreciate your preferences but wanted to mention that women with kids need love too ;)
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nuknap says:Posted: 07 Jul 09
I've always been attracted to black women, and I've mostly dated other black women. But I moved to a new city and I am trying online dating. It seems that a lot of young black women already have kids, or if they don't and they are young and professional then they have a preference for white men.
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FearlessCrusader says:Posted: 04 Jul 09Hazelpride, I meant to say "interracial dating isn't the EASIEST from of dating, but it is the EARLIEST form of dating!"
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FearlessCrusader says:Posted: 04 Jul 09
Hazelpride, interracial dating isn't the easiet form of dating, but it is the earliset form of dating! Biggeesmoove, you've made some good points. Thank you! Laura542, you are right...we do not get to choose who we fall in love with. Surprised, you asked "Why does this site even exist?" It exists because it meets peoples' needs, it has made countless people happy, and as far as dating sites go, it's well done - one of the very best in the world. And why are people explaining why they like what they like? Not because they are seeking others' approval, but to help others become more open and aware. I enjoyed reading what Pdubious, bighoss101, Laura542, hazelpride, and others have written about their choices and preferences...they have enriched my mind and helped me to understand my own preferences.
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homesteader says:Posted: 04 Jul 09
To all that can interpret Life as it Really comes to pass ; Once you have been together for a Substancial period of time . Discrimination becomes a thing of the past . We meet more Friendly Strangers everyday of Our lives together . Only if you so Desire to search out the Bad Attitudes of others / Will you find them . When we became Happy / I [ this being because my wife moved into my neighborhood ] only lost Fair-Weather friends . Otherwise all things being Equal it is We - Us and they were knot worth their weight in cow dung . Anyhows . How easy it is to Find out what others are made of . Yellow will always remain , my favorite Color . Opinions cannot change that . As fkoi states ; Look only at yourselves . Others who wish to live as Bigots / Mean Nothing in Our Relationship .
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Member says:Posted: 04 Jul 09
Great point fkoi. What's there to justify or explain if you know your hearts in the right place, it's only when some shaddy shit is going on do feel you have to defend your choice. The first person in my family that tried throwing some shit up in my face about me dating IR, I ended it all with just two words, " I'M GROWN " ! Peace!
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surprised says:Posted: 04 Jul 09
I long for the day when all people are seen as valuable and we can mix and mingle freely!!!
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cocoacutie says:Posted: 04 Jul 09I date according to who I have more things in common with. Usually, it's a white man who shares those likes with me, but sometimes I do meet black men who like classic rock, travel in other places besides the caribbean and sushi, etc. I have noticed that when I'm out in public, white men approach me more than Black men. My friends say it's because Black men prefer light-skinned women, but I don't want to stereotype. For me, intelligence is the sexiest thing on a man whether the guy is ugly or good-looking.
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fkoi says:Posted: 03 Jul 09Golden words, Ms. Morninflower. No one has to defend what or whom their heart desires. I do "stick to my own". I only date humans. If you feel you have to justify, you might need to look at yourself.
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morninflower says:Posted: 29 Jun 09
Gosh! are we even talking about this?? like seriously?! while I respect the thought provoking article.. may I just say one thing?.. with all due respect? "I AM SICK AND TIRED OF FEELING LIKE I HAVE TO DEFEND WHAT OR WHOM MY HEART DESIRES"! -Sorry to sound harsh and defensive..but.. I am at a point in my life where I can frankly say "love me or leave me" to my friends... - Simply because they do not understand why "I don't stick to my own" - WELL DAMN!? My mother raised me to respect "human beings".. not "that white guy" or "asian guy" or african girl"..no... - In my "naiive mind" as my friends call it.... - we are all the same. WITH THAT SAID... - I don't know what it is about the opposite race that 'does it for me" .. I could use stronger terms..but I hope you get my drift?; have i dated "my own"? absolutely.. but for me? that wasn't the issue? - at the end of the day.. the person I was with treated me like the queen I deserve to be treated as - end of story.
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rarestgold says:Posted: 28 Jun 09
It's funny how things turn out in life. I resisted dating white guys for a long time because I always wanted to be with a black guy. My dad was black, my brothers are black and they are really great guys. But, there was always an attraction to them [white guys] and them to me. I just stopped resisting it and for the most part have been pretty happy with my decision to go with the flow. So here I am, just looking for the guy who can make me happy. Isn't that what being in love is all about?
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surprised says:Posted: 27 Jun 09
I think that dating people of different cultures remains taboo and a BIG deal because we make it that way. Why does this site even exist? So what you date other people. Usually people date or are attracted to each other due to some commonality. It just so happens that for some of us skin color isn’t the thing we have in common with our romantic interest. When you see two people together in a relationship usually it is because they can relate to one another. Why is everyone explaining why they like what they like? If someone else doesn't like it, who cares!!!!! Stop explaining yourself to other people. Stop seeking outside approval to validate your life and decisions!
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OakViolin says:Posted: 25 Jun 09
Well said, hazelpride! You're right, we do not have to justify our wants & desires to anyone, and I am done with psychoanalyzing it to death! If others wanna say I have issues, fetishes, biases, etc, let them. I know what I like, and that's what I will pursue :)
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aigoo says:Posted: 25 Jun 09
I'd just like to say that I am a black woman and I have no problem with dating a man of any race as long as we mesh it's all good. I guess I was not born with blinders on that made me only recognize beauty in my own race, thank God for that! I am currently dating a mixed Italian/Black man (looks extremely pale skinned for an Italian) who once told me he only dated Latina women during a casual conversation. Out of curiosity I asked him why and he stated that he was not attracted to white women and black women were just too loud for his taste and had attitude. I must have rolled my eyes so hard, I got crossed eyed. After I came to myself, I told him he should pat himself on the shoulder and give himself a (doggy) biscuit. I got up from my chair and told him eating with him was bad for my digestion! and left.(how's that for attitude!! insulent jerk) So it was a suprise when Mr I only date Latina women started pursuing me. Let me tell you, I didn't make it easy for him. He had to apologize and ask me out on five different occasions before my pride as a black woman was appeased. We've been together for 2+ yrs now and I still tease him about it. I put my story up because I think that sometimes people are so quick to say what their preferences are but life has a way of making you eat your words because you never know who will light a fire under you.
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Biggeesmoove says:Posted: 24 Jun 09This isn't as tricky an issue as it appears. I believe that, whether a person dates within or outside of their ethnicity, it IS discrimination. Now, hear me out - discrimination takes on different connotations, depending on how we use the word. If a person is said to have "discriminating tastes", that use of the word is thought of in a positive light. If it is said that one person "discriminates" regarding another, the initial perception most people have is that it was meant negatively. I confess to being attracted to a particular ethnicity moreso than to others, and it's not the same ethnic group that I'm a member of. I do see that as being a "discriminatory" act, but not in a negative sense. Because I have a preference, it doesn't mean that I deem any other ethnicity inferior to the one I'm attracted to. There are just certain physical attributes that I find attractive on a woman, and the overall combination of those attributes that I find attractive most often appear in women of a certain ethnicity. No crime there, right? I'm quick to point out that I'm not solely a superficial person; I do equally consider the content of a person's character. But, one can't ignore the fact that, most times, INITIAL attraction is physical/visual. In essence, I am being ethnically discriminatory. Am I wrong for that?
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homesteader says:Posted: 24 Jun 09
Hazelpride ; The one sure thing in life is that we are all Individuals . We have to be Happy with ourselves .
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hazelpride says:Posted: 23 Jun 09
Look people interracial dating is not the easiest form of dating. I would like to quote NOPLAYER on a comment he made on one of the blog in May 2009 about interracial couple kissing. In his own words he said "As I've always said IR dating is not for the weak at heart". I totally agreed with that statement because there is so much hussle you get from family, friends trying to understand the whys and whats of dating someone outside your race. My friends think I have lost it and to go against everyone means it should be very important. I totally believe something draws us to the people we date, usually it's physical attributes, the influences within the circles we hang out. The enviroment we were and are exposed to. There are several reasons and those things might make one loose touch with their own ethnic group. It does not mean they hate themselves, I love my black brothers, heck I have a young son who is black. I think at sometime in our lives we become brave enough to find the freedom to be able to understand that we are responsible for ourselves and freedom comes from within ourselves and not to be constrained by actions of others, and stop being at the mercy of others. We do not have to justify everything we feel and want because it might appear to others as being racist. I feel for those who are still in that place. I know that I love being African, being Black and being a woman and I will never change it for anything. Under the same breath, I know I find white men attractive, and I want to persue that desire.
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luara542 says:Posted: 22 Jun 09
I am 25 years of age and have been dating white men for about six years now. Personally, I am more attracted to white men than iam to black men but it doesnt mean that i dont think black men are hundsome coz i believe there are good looking people in every race. In otherwords i dont think that it is such a terrible thing for one to date outside their race because at the end of the day one doesn't get to choose who they fall in love with as its only natural. Iam single at the moment and do get alot of black men asking me out but i say no because iam genuinly not intrested and wouldnt want to waste my time or anyones else's on something i believe is not gonna work. I also think its important for one to be true both to themselves as well as other people.
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fkoi says:Posted: 22 Jun 09
I can see NO PLAYER's point to some degree. If one makes a CONSCIOUS choice to date exclusively those who look and/or act completely differently than oneself, that COULD reflect some some serious internal issues. Of course dating preferences are hardly conscious choices. If they were, what would Dr. NO PLAYER make of my choice to date only females? LOL
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homesteader says:Posted: 22 Jun 09
And I believe it was you FearlessCrusader that stated when one makes false accusations against other that they would be a " Knucklehead " . Welcome to your own world of words .
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homesteader says:Posted: 21 Jun 09
Correction ; it was Friday 6/19/2009 , sorry I did not look at the Date of my first post . I do not remember , telling anyone that they were knot allowed to voice their opinion / either . Thank you for your Opinion of Adams' Humble Beginning . I sure nuff like to tell it as I see it . Please reread my initial comment and ask again about where I said that she had seen Adam . You will be better informed when you Learn to read and understand what is written before you decide to question others . And Yes / I did Personally Witness her opinion .
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homesteader says:Posted: 21 Jun 09
FearlessCrusader ; You must have misinterpreted what you read . " She also told me that Adam was a Blackman " Kind of sounds to me that I personally Witnessed anothers' opinion . I guess you wood be correct in saying that Saturday 6/20/2009 was History . Alas recent History , But I will call you when you say that Adam would be considered an American Indian today because in my learning he would have been dead for a long long time . You and glock sure nuff make a good pair . Adam and Eve were gone long before Color Television was invented . Get a Life .
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OkHereWeGo says:Posted: 21 Jun 09
In my opinion, love and attraction has no skin color and beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. I don't believe the word racist or discrimination has to come into the picture when a person decides to date someone outside their race. Generally speaking, I think those of us who date outside of our race just like who we like based upon our influences, environmental surroundings, and personal preferences in a mate.
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OakViolin says:Posted: 21 Jun 09
NoPlayer, I get the jist of what you are saying, but why does it have to be "serious internal issues" to not want to date within your race? For instance, I have not seriously been attracted to a white man in years. I just prefer brown skin, be it black, Latino, Islander, etc. Just because white skin doesn't appeal to me doesn't mean I hate my own white skin or have self-hate issues. I can acknowledge that a white man is attractive and/or an incredible human being but I can't conjure up a physical attraction if it isn't there. Then again, those who grew up not identifying with the "white standard" of beauty might be seeking out white/light only because they believe it is "better" than themselves. Is this what you are referring to? Someone who hates their darkness and thus only dates white? It's like darker people who date light automatically have "self-hate" and light people that date dark have an eroticized "fetish", right? *I'm mostly thinking out loud here, not necessarily directed at NoPlayer*
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Pdubious says:Posted: 20 Jun 09
I am a 52 yr. old white male. I look a lot younger than my age, have a good job, am a musician... play southern blues rock, old school R&B, played on some hip hop artists' cds as well... and go to a "black" church on Sunday... all for the same reasons I prefer to spend my personal time with a woman of color... I like some flavoring in my world. Although, I must note that my lifestyle places me in a society that so many folks don't get to experience because they are just flat out afraid to go there...I raised my white son by myself since he was a baby and had him in an ultra conservative, religious right private school since kindergarten. He is now a minority at the public high school he attends where he is very popular, on the student counsel and considered one of the "brighter" students. He hated the other school...because the society he was in just wasn't who we are and he does not know color. Like it or not, all these things that make up my world are very attractive to younger black women, even more so than white women of any age, because of the stereotypes in their society which certainly influences my preferences... I am approached by black women of all ages at a much greater ratio than white women, to the point of all my friends asking me if I ever date white women. I have never looked at any of my "choices" being discriminating...they are simply a product of the world I live in and there are not very many white women living in my world.
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homesteader says:Posted: 20 Jun 09
Having been a Traveling person half of my life . Have eaten three meals a day in many different restaurants in many States . For years awoke in a different State everyday [ got paid bye the miles that I traveled ] , if those 18 wheels were knot rolling / my paychecks would have been smaller . To get back to Topic ; many times Restuarants would have limited setting available . I wood see a Ladie sitting alone / or maybe a Female trucker walking alone across the truckstop parking lot and ask if she wished to share a meal with me . Being a Gentleman wood offer to purchase B'fast , Lunch or Dinner for them . 27.5 years on the roads of this Great Nation and never remember asking anyone what their National Hertitage was as I wood invite them to join me for a meal . Times may have changed since my Retirement in 2,000 / but Circumstances were what always effected Dinner Dates for me . Always did move too fast , remember walking into a Huddle House with two Ladies setting at a table and asking / May, I join you pretty girls for Dinner ? 18 to 80 , Blind , Deaf or Crazy - walk with a Limp [ I do ] . Cannot count the number of Smiles . That I have received from Pretty Ladies in my Life / and I am just a Dirty White Boy at Heart .
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Member says:Posted: 20 Jun 09
Thank God, that as people we cant read another person's mind or we cant see their heart for what it is, if so many dating IR would be hurt if they only knew WHY someone was really dating them. I posted back in January on the topic: Online dating; racial preference or prejudice, that it's the motivation behind the preference and only the individual knows the true reason behind their preference. Physical attraction and romanitic interest is perfectly normal and without fault, it's only when we bring our garbage to the equation that it becomes sinister. I see nothing wrong when people chose to date exclusively memebers of their own ethinic group, some people feel they have all they want and need in the men or women from their own ethnic group, so why look for another? When a person make a conscious choice not to date some from THEIR OWN ethinic group, then that sends up a red flag with me. It leads me to wonder why? I know different factors can play a role in ones choice but when one declares; "I refuse to date people from my own ethnic group", now you're dealing with some serious internal issues within that person. I think that outside factors will play a role in our choices when we select a mate. Stereotyping, generalizing and initial attraction based on physical apperence are part of a condition called being HUMAN and it's something we should strive to out grow. We have to be mature enough to sort through the garbage of these realities and be willing to stive, to build and confront the many challenges involved in forming a solid relationship with another person. Whatever you do, try and be sure that both of you are whole as people before forming a relationship because I trully believe 2 HALF PEOPLE = 1 WHOLE MESS! Peace!
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rdy86 says:Posted: 20 Jun 09
I've actually come up with the same questions when I evaluate myself. For example, I grew up dating white and spanish women. When I thought about it, I couldn't see myself with a black woman. But over the course of only a few short years I find myself at a polar opposite. I now, am almost soley attracted to black women instead of white women. So the questions come up... But I think that in the end it's all about your happiness. And like Bighoss said. If a beautiful white woman with a great personality approached me I wouldn't turn her down on the basis that she is white, but as of now I am attracted to black women more. For most people who choose to be with one race or another, I don't think it is a conscious racial issue so much as you are who you are and like what you like. I like the color blue but I couldn't tell you why. I just do. Thanks for the topic.
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FearlessCrusader says:Posted: 20 Jun 09
Homesteader, you say your neighbor told you Adam was a black man...please review the things you said to Glock in another thread about his not being allowed to comment on things he had not witnessed personally because they were before his time in history...then tell me you actually believe your neighbor really saw Adam in the flesh. Now, as a matter of fact, "Adam" means "red" in Hebrew, so it seems that Adam was actually what we would consider today an American Indian. Having done a lot of reaearch on this, I can tell you the concensus among Christian anthropoligists is that Adam was a Red Indian and Eve was Black. Had they both been black, we would only have black people today; had they both been white (as usually pictured), we would have only white people today; but one Red Indian and one Black can produce all colors of the human race. So much for racist theories condemning "race-mixing" because it dilutes "the purity of the races"; God Himself ordained and even mandated interracial marriages from the VERY BEGINNING!
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bighoss101 says:Posted: 19 Jun 09I fall into the catagory of "site attraction to particular physical features of that race." I don't feel bad one bit to say that it's the face, lips and dark complexion that does it for me - and those dam hair extensions, especialy when they are briads :) Of course everyone is different and one must have the personality makeup to make a complete relationship. Many times my friends have asked me "whats wrong with a white girl?" - and my response is always the same - nothing is wrong with a white girl, if a beautiful white girl with a great personality came up to me today I'm not gonna say "hey! your not black - go away!" But on the other hand you have to be true to yourself, there is a true physical preference for me and that is what I see in my future.
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homesteader says:Posted: 19 Jun 09
People generally date other people who for some reason , have attracted them through eye contact , smiles or Good conversations . Ria ; While standing in the roadway a short time ago . One of my neighbor Ladies stopped to talk with me . She was showing genealogical printings of her family line . She also told me that Adam was a Blackman . I think this might be an interesting Blog Topic to Discuss . Seeing we have many college educated scholars on this site . I think initial contact would be a Large factor in who someone chooses to date .
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