Dating websites - the favorite list

Posted by Ria, 20 Jul 07

Most dating websites have various features that members can use to show interest in other members. Take this site for example… we have the send a kiss, send hug and send flower. And then we have the famous “favorite list"? where you add all those cuties.

But have you ever wondered why some people send you those “kisses�", put you on their favorite list but NEVER write. Sometimes you even decide to give them a little nudge by writing to them, but STILL, they don’t write. It’s like you never even existed in that favorite list. Once I even wondered… “Did I just add myself into someone’s favorite list?"

One woman once asked why this happens. And this is the answer she got:

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

Do you have a pantry? Somewhere that you store food that you’re not planning on eating right this second? That’s what a hot list is for men. A pantry to keep track of all the lovely ladies who may have caught their eyes while browsing.

True as that may be, do you think being on someone’s hot list or favorites list is better than not being put on at all? Does being in the ‘pantry’ mean that you haven’t been eliminated from contention entirely? Much as some may think that it’s better to be in the ‘pantry’ than not to be at all, there is never a guarantee you’re going to get an email. The food will eventually rot and have to be discarded.

Question is, should you then hold on to the favorite list as some kind of promise ring or ignore it entirely?

This is one big problem with online dating. I know too well because I can identify with this experience. You reach home, log in and see that people have browsed through your profile like 500 times. And the end result… 4 kisses and a couple of emails. And what registers in your brain that instant:

494 PEOPLE JUST REJECTED ME?!!! :lol:

As much as this may not be entirely true, this is how most of us end up feeling. You take it too personally that you decide to give online dating the middle finger… you never bother to consider the logic of online dating and you probably don’t log in for a while. Consider this for a moment – haven’t you also browsed through more than 500 people – most of whom didn’t interest you? How many have you put on your favorite list and never sent even one “Hi? email? Should each and every one of these people feel hurt coz you browsed them and never bothered to make contact?

Imagine people going into a store to window shop. And when they don’t buy, the owner gets mad and decides to shut the store down. Online dating is filled with browsers… you know, those who just look but don’t pay for the site. So if 50% of the people are not even potential buyers, then I guess this is expected. So when people don’t write, it could mean a lot of things. They are probably busy writing to the most favorite people on favorites list. And maybe… just maybe… some of them won’t be interested and they’ll work their way down to you. But don’t hold your breath… you may never exhale.

Favorite or not, I wouldn’t want to date some guy who wouldn’t pay the equivalent of a couple of cups of coffee a week to contact me.

Tags: dating websites

Responses to "Dating websites - the favorite list"

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  1.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 15 Mar 09

    Options are many in Life , Alas at a Quick glance we see choices that interest Us and we file them for Later . Then we find what we Desire . On this site sometimes if you look at someone the site automatically places them on your Favorites list .

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  2.   Brownb09 says:
    Posted: 15 Mar 09

    The favorites list is cool in a sense. But why list people and dont write. it's a waste.

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  3.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 26 Feb 09

    P.S. keep a box of Baking Soda open by the stove to put fires out . Quickly .

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  4.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 26 Feb 09

    They call it ; Putting something on the Back Burner to simmer . Then you go outside to mow the lawn and it has burnt to ashes when you come back inside or the pot caught fire . And what a mess you have to clean up .

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  5.   seriouslyso says:
    Posted: 07 Jan 09

    My take on this is, don't hotlist me if you will not communicate. Why be bothered to put someone on your hot list if you are not going to make good and communicate with them to see if you at least have something in common? why the games? If I want to play games, I'll invite friends over for a game of monopoly. Failing that, I'll plunk myself down in front of the t.v and watch a game of basket or football.

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  6.   salsera77 says:
    Posted: 29 May 08

    I agree with you, Kana. I'm busy and don't have time for the peek-a-boo game. I'd also like to know height, not a range. Well, we all have our turn-ons. Yeah, and what's with the fantasy some have that ummm others are gonna get on a plane and come clear across the country/continents, especially when you say in your profile something like, "Seeking someone in my area, South Jersey or Pennsylvania". I'm realistic. This computer is a tool to use and socialize with someone in person. Some people use it as a fantasy and some hide behind it. Unless you have all kinds of money to travel back and forth, get real! Ummmm, vent over. Lol. Laugh_sailor, I don't think most men actually read a profile that's too detailed as you do. They mainly look at pictures. That's been my experience. You're one of the exceptions.

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  7.   salsera77 says:
    Posted: 29 May 08

    I agree with you, Kana. I'm busy and don't have time for the peek-a-boo game. I'd also like to know height, not a range. Well, we all have our turn-ons. Yeah, and what's with the fantasy some have that ummm others are gonna get on a plane and come clear across the country/continents, especially when you say in your profile something like, "Seeking someone in my area, South Jersey or Pennsylvania". I'm realistic. This computer is a tool to use and socialize with someone in person. Some people use it as a fantasy and some hide behind it. Unless you have all kinds of money to travel back and forth, get real! Laugh_sailor, I don't think most men actually read a profile that's too detailed as you do. They mainly look at pictures. That's been my experience. You're one of the exceptions.

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  8.   kana1003 says:
    Posted: 01 Oct 07

    Speaking of favorites...I'm not crazy about that"peek-a-boo" email AR sends: "One of these four members has made you a favorite. Log on now to add them and if you happen to pick the right man then we'll let you both know that you're favorites"...what kind of c**p is that?? I prefer the straightforward - "Bob" has made you a favorite. If you like him, let him know." Direct, short and to the point.

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  9.   madhura says:
    Posted: 27 Aug 07

    Finding a woman who is right for me is a numbers game, with roughly a one in ten chance of sorting successfully for: Initial characteristics, listed characteristics, deal-breakers in profile (If you're looking for an articulate, well-rounded man, please write a coherent, correctly-spelled profile with enough personal tidbits and insights to be engaging!), chemistry in profile (things we're both excited about and have expressed well), response to letter and getting to know the men by e-mails and chats: That's a one in a 100,000 men I have a chance of having a relationship with and I think my mate is probably one in ten of those, or literally a one in a million men!

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  10.   Blondntru4u says:
    Posted: 18 Aug 07

    well whatever floats your boat i say. but sounds boring to me.

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  11.   radiantsoul says:
    Posted: 18 Aug 07

    Favorites....pppffft!! I just mark them all "NO", that way nobody feels left out. lol

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  12.   Blondntru4u says:
    Posted: 18 Aug 07

    Oh, and one more thing. ive noticed most ladies dont mind being on a Favorites list once you make contact and let her know you want her as a friend. if you add and dont say anything, some dont take to kindly to this as we heard in the samples above. i have ladies on my list tho who never write me, but never seem to mind if i do. steve

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  13.   Blondntru4u says:
    Posted: 18 Aug 07

    My Favorites....interesting subject but simple in terms of use. Favorites means that person in some way shape or form had something in the profile which caught my eye and or interest. so in order for me to completely fullfill the use of a favorites list,i imediatley will make contact via a short sweet note or a hello before shes added or immediatly after. thus, the feature is now in use. and i never add anyone i dont have time or am to tired to send a note to. instead i jot her name down on paper then do it the next day. if the lady has replied within reasonable time, such as no more than a week, its function has done its job and i begin the process of elimination from there. i do 5 to 10 ladies a week like this. now i try to stress to each lady friendship is by far more important than anything in the early stages and if a relationship comes from this great, if not, ive made a really cool friend because we have initiated Mutual Feelings and therefore our chances have just increased. i have made many friends here and things have worked for me well this way so far. just my two cents worth. Steve

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  14.   mossimo says:
    Posted: 08 Aug 07

    My favorite list now has one name....

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  15. Posted: 07 Aug 07

    I just added all of you to my favorite list. The only name missing is that Tom dude from Myspace. If he ever is interested in sistas...I will add him to my fav list as well.

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  16.   Blkdiamond says:
    Posted: 06 Aug 07

    I think the favorites thing is like an ice breaker, you add a guy and either you have a mutual match or not.

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  17.   Kara says:
    Posted: 06 Aug 07

    I have a lot of men on my favorites list for different reasons that they interested me when I looked at their profiles or exchanged emails with them. I have them there either because I thought they sounded smart/funny/interesting in their writings, or maybe just because I thought they were uniquely hot and wanted to be able to look at them again. I'm huge on compatibility, though, and most of them didn't give me the sense that we'd be "soul mates." Still, doesn't hurt to have some choices to look over now and then to remind me that there were some who seemed to come pretty close, and others that could have some potential. As for me being on others' favorites lists... Based on many of the emails I've received, it seems like many men write based solely on physical attraction and aren't paying much attention to what I've said. So I usually just assume that I'm on a guy's favorites list because he thought I was cute. And that's fine, too. Nice to know I've still "got it," and I would think it'd be nice for the men on my favorites list to have that confirmed, too. :)

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  18.   Whitebird says:
    Posted: 05 Aug 07

    ABOUT COMPETITORS ;) I don't know why, but most Russian dating sites (I mean those that work for only for Russians or people from the former USSR), are ABSOLUTELY FREE! They have some paid services, mostly various games etc., but basically you can use it for free, including search (with more or less options), contacting persons, seeing pictures etc. For people who can read in Russian I would quote missingheart.ru (No.1 dating portal in the Russian-speaking area with multiple mirrors) and omen.ru (more options for free, but less protection cause unregistered people may write mails to the users). In the Western area there is a free site person.com.

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  19.   Diva says:
    Posted: 30 Jul 07

    I miss that feature where you used to be able to see who was on your favorites list. I was told they took it off because it made some people nervous. It doesn't matter how freaked out you are, you're still gonna be on that person's list whether you like it or not!!!

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  20.   Nolegrad97 says:
    Posted: 29 Jul 07

    As a woman, I understand what is being said by the men above. However, it is a bit disconcerting to be on someone's favorite list and you've contacted me, I've returned the contact but then it's nothing. Nothing, no attempt or anything on the guy's part to get to know me better. While appreciate being a "favorite," as someone who limits who I am interested in, I try to make who I contact count and those on my favorites list, I am truly interested in getting to know better.

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  21. Posted: 28 Jul 07

    Fair enough, Coco - People send a message of apathy by not taking the time to write you a nice letter and who needs that in their lives?

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  22.   Cocokisses says:
    Posted: 27 Jul 07

    Laugh Sailor, thanks for the response. Honestly, it wasn't aimed any anyone in particular. If someone has me on their mutual favorites and never correspond with me, then yes, I delete them from the list. That's what I meant by "why bother having it there if you aren't...etc..."

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  23.   fala says:
    Posted: 27 Jul 07

    Deleting????? You mean I'm not your one and only??? :-(

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  24.   mossimo says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 07

    Awww Fala!! I better start deleting!!

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  25.   fala says:
    Posted: 24 Jul 07

    Mossimo's the only one on my favorites list!;-)

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  26.   mossimo says:
    Posted: 23 Jul 07

    Ok, I added every woman on this site as my favorite. That should sufficiently confuse the situation.

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  27. Posted: 23 Jul 07

    Coco - I think you asked the cogent question: Why have it if you're not going to correspond with them? I have it because I will correspond with them or possibly (though not often) remove them from that list. Favorites is a place to keep those I haven't had time to write to but don't want to lose track of, so that when I am fresh, I can write a nice letter to them. I really do carefully review every profile and write to those I feel may be a good fit for me - I ask myself if we would be happy together, when reading their profile and if so, write a nice little note, thinking of us together. I can't always do that when I come across a woman's profile I like because sometimes I'm just too tired to write a decently thoughtful letter and I place those profiles in my favorites. I either will write to them as soon as I can or delete them from that status, when I review them for writing. I hope this helps you understand my reasoning and I especially hope it's a decent, kind, respectable process I use - I'm open to suggestions!

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  28.   Cocokisses says:
    Posted: 23 Jul 07

    I think its a bit strange being on someone's favorites list-or even having a favorites list if you aren't keeping in touch with that person. Why bother having it if you aren't going to correspond with each other?

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  29. Posted: 21 Jul 07

    You're right on the money, Ria, with your store observation and your observation of the level of committment is especially cogent. I think very few women have a committment to pursue and land their mate in dating sites. Finding a woman who is right for me is a numbers game, with roughly a one in ten chance of sorting successfully for: Initial characteristics, listed characteristics, deal-breakers in profile (If you're looking for an articulate, well-rounded man, please write a coherent, correctly-spelled profile with enough personal tidbits and insights to be engaging!), chemistry in profile (things we're both excited about and have expressed well), response to letter and getting to know the woman by e-mails and chats: That's a one in a 100,000 woman I have a chance of having a relationship with and I think my mate is probably one in ten of those, or literally a one in a million woman! The favorites list is a step in that process, for me. It's where I (1) Store profiles of women I'm either unsure of (2) Want to write to but am too tired to or (3) Am keeping as a favorite because I am waiting to hear back from her (contacted yes list). I can sort easily, even when it's late, so I populate my favorites list often late at night. I like taking my time to review a profile and write a nice, personal note so I do that when I'm fresh, either writing or taking the gal off the list. I try to keep it as small as possible, though I don't have time and energy enough to zero it out regularly: Selecting really is easier than writing a thoughtful letter and I would rather select more than miss a spectacular woman by not going through that process. Additionally, I must laugh with my friends and sail, do that when I'm perky and that takes precedence over my cyber-time and writing to fascinating, beautiful women.

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  30.   Waylon says:
    Posted: 21 Jul 07

    I am a guy, so I can speak from this perspective. Personally I subscribe to AR. I also find it the most inconvenient system there is. Navigating the friends list is difficult and changing folks around from yes to no to maybe is plain pain in the butt. I personally dont use it here. Match's system was much easier. But I DO like sisters and this is the best place for me to meet them. So I am stuck using a system I do not like. Half the time folks end up on my favorites list from them sending me flirts and the only way to clear it is to answer it. Normally they seem like nice ladies. So I hit yes just to clear the flirt..and now she is on my favorites list. Even if we send one or two emails and I find its not a match. Its too much of a bother to clear that yes list. So I have 21 females on my yes list that I do not regularly contact.. Just my take. T-shirt

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  31.   fala says:
    Posted: 21 Jul 07

    I'll take being on a favorite list. It's a good way to keep track of friends and people you wish were more than friends. ;-)

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