Do affairs save people’s relationships?

Posted by Ria, 27 Feb 08

Luke found steamy emails of his wife of nine years Vanessa and some guy she met online … a man she had met with. That WASN’T the end of their marriage.

A few months later, Luke caught his wife romping the same guy. That WASN’T the end of their marriage.

“Looking back I was so frustrated with my life,᾿ Vanessa says. “When Luke caught me, understandably he was furious and demanded a divorce.᾿

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And that was like an eye opener for Vanessa. She realized how much she really loved her husband, and begged for the chance to save her marriage.

Well if you ask Vanessa Scott-Thompson, she – without a shadow of doubt - believes her affair saved the marriage. Their relationship has greatly improved in two years.

‘We’ve just celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary and I hope there’ll be many more to come. I’ll never ever cheat again’, she says.

It is estimated that in 80 per cent of unions, at least one spouse will be unfaithful. And for these women who have cheated, their affairs have helped reignite the spark in their relationships.

Should we give affairs a pat on the back? Should we give affairs all the credit?

27 responses to "Do affairs save people’s relationships?"

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  1.   BethMarie says:
    Posted: 27 Jul 10

    Affairs DESTROY marriages! Nothing good or positive happens from affairs. Period...the end. I was cheated on by my husband who convinced me it was MY fault for being overweight and not sexy. It robbed me of my self esteem, my self worth and my confidence. The affair went on for over three years and nothing I did stopped him from seeing her. I lost trust in him and respect for him. I lost the weight, got a boob job, got my self confidence back and left him. Now he is crying saying he wants me back and that he made a mistake. You never know what you have until you lose it. He took me for granted. Live and learn. Don't let it happen to you....communicate.

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  2.   blue1 says:
    Posted: 20 Jul 10

    My ex-wife had an affair because she felt I wasn't as interested in her as I had been in the past. We now are able to talk and she has let me know the purpose was to get me to pay attention. I did pay attention and after 21+ years of marriage I filed for divorce. Didn't work with me at that time. Could work for some and I would not judge any of them.

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  3.   bellara says:
    Posted: 08 Jun 10

    for some people (who've been cheated on) it does save their relationship because it shows them the height of sh!t they are willing to swallow just so they have a companion. for those who cheated (especially more than once) and was taken back, it shows them that they are now secured because their partner will always be there no matter what.

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  4.   Member says:
    Posted: 13 Jul 09

    Hi there I like your post

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  5.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 02 Jan 09

    to each his own , I devoted my life to the one who keeps us Happy together - 009 Bombed Les Bombed

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  6.   HereIamBaby says:
    Posted: 20 Apr 08

    How about some new posts! Smiles, Sharon

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  7. Posted: 07 Mar 08

    There's no way an affair could or would save a marriage. I'm sorry but she wasn't thinking of her husband sleeping around with some other guy. No telling what the guy had and if he passed anything along. The husband had to be blinded by love. I cannot and will never take for my spouse cheating on me. Forgive yes, but forget, no. And the only way to forget is to get rid of the source. No standing ovation for this one.

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  8.   nosoup4u says:
    Posted: 06 Mar 08

    Let me guess, this couple met on AR/IDC...

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  9.   kenyanito says:
    Posted: 03 Mar 08

    Affairs never save marriages but ruin it. Its the onset of mistrust or this time round, Luke may try to cheat on Vanessa, will she forgive him?

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  10.   jmum says:
    Posted: 03 Mar 08

    i dont think an affair saves relationships friends.they break them up coz instead of concentrating with ur relation ur heart n mind signal opposite .be4 u realise it ur spouse is already vanished.then what hv u done u saved or what?come on

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  11.   Glock says:
    Posted: 02 Mar 08

    This is the most idiotic question I have ever seen posed here. To forgive a spouse for an affair is one thing. To suggest giving it a "pat on the back" to "saving" marriage is rediculous!! Affairs don't save marriages, they break them up. Look at the MILLIONS of marriages that have ended in divorce because of an affair. If she hadn't got caught what would she be doing today? She would still be having an affair (who knows she probably still is) I would never trust her again.

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  12.   outpass35 says:
    Posted: 02 Mar 08

    I believe if you love a person there is never a reason to cheat. I would not give cheating a pat on the back I would give it walking papers.

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  13.   Homesteader says:
    Posted: 01 Mar 08

    Opinions are like rear ends , we all have one . If an affair is all it takes to break up a true Love / so be it . I in my past have been with many Ladies and my ex had her share of other men . We fell apart after 25 years about 10 years ago . Communication is the only way to maintain a relationship , what people do in their lives can play a large part in stay ing together . If I remember the marriage vow it states till death do us part , keep ing to one another that which we agreed to when we decided to become one . Alas True Love should mean more than the mistakes we make along the road of life = as in order to Love one must also be able to forgive . If your idea of Love is solely dependant on sexual acts - maybe we should look at the other reasons that we decided to stay together - as life has many parts to make it whole . Jesus Christ broke the Laws of his day , was tried and convicted killed . amnd on Sunday people go to church to praise him , on Monday these same people go out and steal as when they die , all they have to do is ask him for forgiveness and be saved - while the bible says to walk in his steps to be saved - not to sin on purpose and use him for a crutch . I sheltered a man during a hurricane , who claimed to be a Christian and he would talk of how he went to church to meet different women as when we slept he would be stealing from me because I let him in my house in time of disaster . Then the sheriff could do nothing to him because I HAD TRUSTED HIM AND INVITED HIM TO STEAL WHAT HE WISHED .

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  14.   Fkoi says:
    Posted: 29 Feb 08

    I suppose it depends on what planet you live. The affair didn't save the marriage, the desire to make it work in spite of the affair did. That husband should be commended. He took his vows seriously in spite of the fact that his wife did not. The responses to, "Do you take..." are not, "Maybe"s or "I guess so"s, they are "I do"s. It still doesn't sound like she appreciates her man if she credits the affair. Maybe he didn't listen when she said, "We need to talk." Or maybe he was an overbearing S.O.B. and has changed (for now). Evidently Ms. Scott-Thompson hasn't cheated in two years. Is that to be applauded. Sure in the same way that we would applaud that she hasn't robbed a bank in that time. Can I get odds that she'll remain true? I hope she does. He deserves it.

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  15. Posted: 29 Feb 08

    it depends on the strength of how much people want to work it out. i always said if i caught my man cheating, i would not take him back. i did when i was young and dumb. and i fully understand that the flesh is weak and how people get in that situation. so i am not condemning anyone who is willing to forgive, forget, grow and move on. because no one is perfect. if the relationship is strong and they are willing to work together, than maybe sometimes we all need a wake-up call.

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  16.   cocokisses says:
    Posted: 29 Feb 08

    Amazing to me that someone is so stupid to think that an affair saved their marriage. If he took her trashy behind back, he'd better be ready to find her romping again in his bed with someone else the next time she gets bored. People get shot doing stupid stuff like that. They call it crimes of passion!

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  17.   HereIamBaby says:
    Posted: 29 Feb 08

    no pats on the back..just a kick in the ass~ S~

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  18.   fala says:
    Posted: 29 Feb 08

    I'm more than willing to have an affair to help save someone's marriage. :P

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  19.   g676 says:
    Posted: 29 Feb 08

    An affair doesn't save a relationship. Instead it begins the deterioration of the foundation of the relationship. Once the foundation has been weakened and trust has been broken, although the relationship might survive the affair,or severalfor that matter it can only be a shell of what it formerly was..

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  20.   crystied says:
    Posted: 28 Feb 08

    Not buying this one! An affair is a a deal breaker, and the person who cheats isn't looking for "help" with solving problems in thier relationship...

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  21.   juelz1 says:
    Posted: 27 Feb 08

    Even to try and imply an affair is therapeutic is small minded. In keeping with the whole suicide comparision, yes, just as a person contemplating and commiting suicide, a person who has an affair may well be in some sort of pain and doesn't know his/her way out of it. As sad as that may be, it does not ever release a person from their responsibility to not be selfish, thoughtless, and hurt others. It is looking for the way that is quickest and easiest for yourself and not searching for a more reasonable solution -- even if it's hard.

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  22.   outpass35 says:
    Posted: 27 Feb 08

    When I found out my husband cheated on me was when the young lady called She wanted to tell me that My husband was cheating and that he had promised her he was going to divorce me and he did not after he told her he was never going to leave me she decided to call and tell me so that I would leave and yes I did leave and she married him and he did the same to her. So no I don't think an affair would help and relationship. outpass35, Juanita

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  23.   HereIamBaby says:
    Posted: 21 Feb 08

    I am all for putting the spice back into your relationship...but only with that person...the harm and results of an affair can be far reaching... Call me old fashioned or middle class...that is how I look at it... WORK on your marriage or relationship... Southern smiles and world peace, Sharon

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  24.   darkkiss says:
    Posted: 21 Feb 08

    This author's blog sounds like a ration of rationalization. In what stretch of sanctioned social (mis)conduct could adultery be considered therapeutic for an ailing marriage? Using jealousy as a weapon to spur one's partner's response is a selfish, misguided control issue. So what's the follow-up prescription here? The next time the marriage excitement seems to wane, time for a romp in the sheets with Mr. X, Y, or Z? Seems like a dangerous, and ultimately, self destructing game to me.

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  25.   noor says:
    Posted: 21 Feb 08

    iam MAN LK MAN

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  26.   ethereal99 says:
    Posted: 21 Feb 08

    I don't think that we give affairs a pat on the back. What about the chances of exposing your spouse to std's, herpes, AIDS? There must be less extreme ways to reignite the spark !!!!!

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  27.   HereIamBaby says:
    Posted: 21 Feb 08

    Perhaps it was a cry out for help, like a sucide try...people wanting help... Many times people take things and people for granted...I think this is true of many of us...you don't realize what you have until it is taken away. My suggestion...don't fall into that hole. Don't give the affair the credit...give your love the credit or you partner for being what they are. Love doesn't disappear over night. Work on those marriages...put all of those extra energies it takes for an affair into your own relationship/marriage...the results will be rewarding with out guilt or remorse. Southern smiles, Sharon

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