Do black women feel less lovable?

Posted by Ria, 05 Jul 10

"It amazing that none of these white women will admit that they are on a pedestal as the ideal of femininity. They never seem to see the advantage they have or seem oblivious of the hate and put downs that black women have to face everyday. Black men out marry at are rate 2 1/2 times that of black women yet white women don’t even think of the centuries that they have been protected while black women were defiled. I have a question for the white women this blog. If it is just about “love”, explain to me how I and my black sisters have become less lovable in the past few decades?"

Comment by eshowoman on post 'Interracial Dating-White Woman's Perspective'

I know a lot of negative things have been said about black women in the media, internet … I know people say negative stuff when they try to explain why most black women are single. But after reading the comment above I could not help but sadly ponder over the phrase “less lovable”!!!

Going by the generalizations made in the comment above, I gotta ask: Is this how some black women see themselves – as less lovable!!?? If yes, do we blame society for making these black women feel this way? Should we feel sorry for these black women for believing and living the label society stamps on them?

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

82 responses to "Do black women feel less lovable?"

Leave a reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

  1.   Jazzinwine says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 11

    Why would I feel less lovable? Maybe the question should be elaborated on. Despite that? I don't feel less lovable. My mom loves me. When my father was alive, it wasn't a Cosby Show kind of love, but he loved me. My friends love me and for the most part I love me. I know there are things I need to change about myself. But that's a day to day thing. I'm learning to fall in love with myself more and more each day. Am I supposed to feel less loved because of white women all over the television and magazine covers and what not? No. Sorry. I don't. I'm me. I'm black. I love me being black. So I'm ok with all of that. I can turn the TV to BET or subscribe to Essence. It's nobody faults who ends up on top. You can't control that. But what you can control is how you feel about yourself and as long as you end up on top in your world with your family and friends around ... honey that's all that matters.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  2.   KuroOnna88 says:
    Posted: 21 Feb 11

    I don't think I'm less lovable. I just don't think I'm in the right area to find what I want. While it's true that it seems that Black women generally are the last to be considered in regards to any man/woman outside of the same ethnicity, and vicious rumors and stereotypes are spread about us in general (such as being loud, overbearing, self-righteous and volatile), I find the best thing I can do is to prove them wrong. People who rely on hearsay to make their decisions about other people aren't people you want to associate with anyway. I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than to knowingly walk into a relationship based on false pretenses and lip service...I've seen it happen too many times to my friends, who have had all kinds of relationships---you name it, I've seen it. But believe me when I say that while my preferences are much different than your 'typical' Black woman, it doesn't deter me in the least knowing what people may think of me. I don't have time to be sad about being 'unlovable' or something like that. There are more than six billion people on this planet. I've never been outside of North America. That leaves Europe, Asia, Africa, South America, and Australia...a lot of uncovered ground. Before you make the mistake of saying you are 'unlovable' visit every corner of the earth. I'm sure you'll find someone along the way, you just have to look. I used to be the type that would wonder why I was never approached beyond friendship. It hurts, I know. It's frustrating. Grating. You somehow feel inferior. But one day I got sick of it. I realized that the ones that didn't approach me, for whatever reason, probably wasn't for me anyway. They never got the chance to know me. They don't know what I'm like. If they make a decision not to approach me, well, it's their loss. I put plenty of smiles on people's faces, and I know I'm a great person. You have to realize you are great before someone else will see it. Perhaps if you think you are unlovable, then your image will reflect it. Unfortunately, I'm still in school, trying to find my way. I won't get to branch out and experience different places until I'm sure about what I truly wish to do. But it's cool. I'm still young. But I'm old enough to know that it'll be alright. Perhaps my Prince Charming is in Asia somewhere. :D

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  3.   Chriss89 says:
    Posted: 17 Sep 10

    @fearlesscrus Honestly, I think it's fear and the ideal that they should still hold out for a good black man. I feel that we as black women kinda sell ourselves short sometimes when it comes to interracial dating. We think that white men, or any other kind of men from any other kind of ethnicity for that matter, will never love us for who we are and therefore we can never have a lasting, loving relationship. I find that my fellow black women (and even me) have a bit of an insecurity thing going on. We hate on each other (definitely on each other) other women, and even other men for thousands or reasons that honestly can be traced back in time. My grandmother was married four times in her life, and only once was she in love with one of them. My mother has experienced her own heartache, and sometimes I wonder if this "curse" will trinkle down to me, but in retrospect, I've found that I've got to be stronger than that. Before anyone, especially black women, can expect anyone to love us, we must first LOVE OURSELVES. And, really, a lot of the time we don't. It's something we are going to have to find within before reaching out and trying to have it.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  4.   Cynamyn82 says:
    Posted: 10 Sep 10

    Oh yeah no offense to white women, but I feel no need to compete with any of them. I wish them noting, but happiness. I'm only here to appease myself, and it's working very well in my favor.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 ()
    Reply to this comment
  5.   Cynamyn82 says:
    Posted: 10 Sep 10

    I am a black woman who does NOT want or need anyone to feel sorry for her. I put on a smile and attract men of various races, including my own. Now I will say this, it is true that society has made PLENTY of black women feel less desirable and once you are told something for so long, it becomes the truth. I believe that black women have a lot of work to do when it comes to building up her self-worth. Some of us have mastered this, and I strongly admire that.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  6.   naimahluv says:
    Posted: 02 Aug 10

    I am a beautiful black woman who loves her self. As long as I feel love from my family then that's all I need. I don't need validation from any guy no matter if your black, white, latin, Asian ect.....What society thinks of black people doesn't define me.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 ()
    Reply to this comment
  7. Posted: 29 Jul 10

    Ria, From my perspective Black Women are the most lovable and revered creatures on the face of God's green Earth. Never forget or give in to centuries of negative bombardment as to who you are and what you've done... find strength in those memories; Lets not forget that when Adam and Eve crawled from the Caucasion Mountains Queen Europa, a Black Women, was the ruler over the Garden of Eden. Lets not forget the love in your DNA from the ghosts of many Black Queens who walked the lush lands of Negritia long before it became what we call Africa (160BC. Because that love has transfered to the many teachers, scientist, doctors, lawyers, poets, mothers, aunts, grandmas, and yes to the Black Women who is the wife of the leader of the free World. No my friend... you are so lovable, and don't you ever forget it! Godfather454 "My thoughts and I'm sticking to them"

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  8.   Kissime says:
    Posted: 25 Jul 10

    BrownB09, thank you.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  9.   BrownClown says:
    Posted: 24 Jul 10

    I think that there is certainly a disparity between how we as black women view ourselves and how society views us. The fact that so many black women have responded to Ria's post by asserting resoundingly that they feel that they are very lovable despite the negative portrayals by the media and elsewhere is a testament to the super-powerful spirit of black sistas!

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  10.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 24 Jul 10

    @ Ore0924 - You stated: Also, within the black community, many young black women only seek black men and when these men proclaim out loud, as they often do, that a black woman is unlovable, unacceptable, or just an unlikely mate because of x-y-z ( usually stereotypes), the world of these girls crumble. They need to change their worldview and dating option to realize that they can find love, sometimes in unlikely places. If a few men proclaim out loud that they're undesirable and their worlds start to crumble, then that is a self esteem issue and people with self esteem issue are not fit to to seriously date anybody, so they can look else where all they want but that wont get to heart of the issue which is a deflated sense of self esteem. Women have to love themselves regardless of what any man thinks about them and they shouldn't think running to the arms of somebody else will compensate or change those feelings of low self esteem. Here's a secret, men (from all ethniticities)who run across vulnerable women with low self esteem will take advantage of these women if that's the kind of man he is. So what would make women think that one group of men is any better than another? I can only wonder how many people use IR dating as a means of trying to escape the truth of themselves and their low self esteem, if thats the case. I wonder how many women due to low self esteem have allowed men to mistreat them and later grew fustrated and swore up and down it was something deficient about the men within their own ethnic group and ran off thinking somebody else could and would love and treat them better. Had these women trully loved themselves from the begining they would have never allowed themselves to be mistreated and disrected from the start. JMO!

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  11.   Oret0924 says:
    Posted: 23 Jul 10

    Although I have not experienced this, I believe many young African-American suffer from such a feeling. It is due to a number of reasons. Sure, the media one reason. It is not merely a since of black women "not" being respresented as beautiful, but the fact that our features are downgraded to being the anti-beauty. Certainly, curves,full-lips and a more profound buttocks is idolized, but only when it is on someone not black ( hence Jolie, Kardashian etc...) Also, within the black community, many young black women only seek black men and when these men proclaim out loud, as they often do, that a black woman is unlovable, unacceptable, or just an unlikely mate because of x-y-z ( usually stereotypes), the world of these girls crumble. They need to change their worldview and dating option to realize that they can find love, sometimes in unlikely places.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  12.   BrownB09 says:
    Posted: 21 Jul 10

    Kissime-WOW superbly put!

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  13.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 21 Jul 10

    I think most BW know the difference between being "hated on" and feeling "less loveable"! You have no control over what society says or thinks, so "being hated" on is an outside issue but to feel that you're "less loveable" is to be dealing with an internal issue and I don't think most BW have a problem with that. Most BW I know despite the all the external B.S. from society, still feel more than loveable, I talked with one about this very article and she laughed and said, "why would I feel less loveable because someone else doesn't see, have yet to experience or most of all, may not want my love? That's on them and not me and I refuse to even carry that around with me!" I wish I could've link this sister up with the sister that wrote the comment that was used as the basis for this article because that sister has started to internalize this madness and she's taken some external realities and she's allowed them to shape and mold her inner feelings and that's wrong. This comes from being to open and allowing society to store it's garbage in your heart and mind and you have to guard against that. Let the church folks say, "THE DEVIL IS A LIE" LOL PEACE

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  14.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 21 Jul 10

    @ Kissime - You knocked the ball out of the park on that one! I don't know maybe it's just me? When it comes to IR dating and marriage my feelings are "whatever floats your boat" but I look at us as family and I'd never dog out a member of my family in public. Yeah, you my hurt and anger me and I might "throw you under a buss" around family but I'd never get on an IR dating site dog a sister! I just wouldn't do it and there's nothing another person can say fu*cked about BW around me and I not take offense and become defensive real quick, hell no, that's my sister and you wont tear her down in front of my face, not until your own sister becomes the standard of perfection, that's just me! Have I been hurt, misused, direspected and taken for a ride by some of my sisters? Sure, more than a few times but that doesn't give me the right to tear all of them down, particullary in front of other people! Maybe some of us are dumb enough to think we'll get brownie points with other people for degrading our counter parts, who knows? kissime - you're mine and I'm yours, period! @ tryingtobeunderstanding You are so right, some of us are in need of some serious healing. Years ago I participated in a healing and reconciliation workshop and it was very powerful and cleansing. There were 8 BW and 8 BM, each got a chance to read a letter they wrote expressing their feelings while standing before the oppsite gender. To hear and feel the hurt that was expressed drove many if not all to tears but the hardest but most fufilling part was when each person was given a number that matched someone from the opposite gender. The two with the same numbers had to sit in chairs at the center of the floor facing eachother and apologize to the person on behave of their respective gender. It was really amazing because everyone came from the heart and at the end you had to ask for that persons forgiveness and they forgave you and at the end we all took a group pledge to move forward and let go of all the hurt and anger. I'd never saw us like that before as men and women, the humility made me look at us in a new light and thats why I get mad when I see us trash eachother like some of us do because I know we're better than that. Love and be loved!

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  15.   salsera77 says:
    Posted: 20 Jul 10

    Getting back to the silly topic posted that I can't believe I'm responding to, the answer is.... Of Course Not!!!!!!! What in blue blazes are you talking about, Ria?

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  16.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 20 Jul 10

    With Positive Thoughts / This site gave my wife and I the chance to meet and Marry . Serious People find Love here / Individuals are just that " Individuals " Reality Rules . We where looking for Life-long Companionship / Found it . Analyze this - Analyze that / A man and A Ladie meet online from States over a thousand miles apart and came together as One family unit . Love takes Effort in your own mind / knot constant Complains of times in someone elses world of yesterday . My Advise is try to Grow with Change , even in your own Words in Print . Stagnation is that condition where thoughts become Dull , Inactive and Stale . Some of the most Beautiful Ladies in this World / Choose freely to place their profiles here looking for Love . Some Gentlemen with Intelligence / will be found by them here .

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  17.   Kissime says:
    Posted: 18 Jul 10

    Comment by NOPLAYER: "BW can trash BM all day log but the moment Phillydion said what he said now hes self-hating and suffers from not only an inferiority complex but an INSTITUTIONAL INTERNALIZED complex, OMG!" Comment by ME: Black women or any race of women trashing a men base on race are all placed in the phyllydion category. I've read some black women's contempt towards black men, and I feel the same way about them as I feel about phyllydion. April 7th, 2008 Interracial relationships and ridicule Posted by Ria Comment by kissime on 3 April 2010: I almost suffocated from reading these comments. I had to stop and inhale. Loving a man or woman from another race does not mean you should treat your own as insolence. Im attracted to white men-I was married to one and we have a beautiful son. He is a great father. When we were married he took care of us. He is a hard worker. He is very involved in his childs life. He bought a house for us in the suburbs because he is a family man, and wanted our son to be safe in his own yard. We traveled together as a family. We worked together when possible, grocery, shopped, danced together. He loved me. So does my father; a Black Man. The men in my family have never been in trouble with the law. They are educated, family oriented and are productive to society. They are respectful. They love their wives, their girl friends of whatever race or ethnicity, and they love and takes care of their children emotionally, and financially. They have values. Your experiences are your own: Stop Insulting Black Men. Enough with the DAMAGE! Every race has its pride & its failures. Do not allow a few negative opinion ignite the hatred manifest in you for whatever reason. If you must make your point for the sake of argument: Do The Math-correctly. In America:-White 80%; Black 13%; Hispanic and Latino who could racially be black, white or other compose 15%. Im not making excuses for all, but some are influenced by certain circumstances. Yes, it matters. Sometimes change is hard-and as hard as we may try to do different at time we fail. Have you ever tried to lose weight? Have you ever wonder of the universe? Someof whatever race are paralyze. And, my dear, pouring alcohol in an open wound hurts. How would you feel if someone demeaned you especially based on a few experiences with you or someone else. The men in prison were the boys in that daycare center. The rapist, I believe should be punished to the highest form. The murderer (not from self defense or defending innocence) I believe in the Death Penalty. If you prefer to be with another race-good for you. Do it because you are attracted to him or her. Do it because of love: But make sure you love yourself as well as you should in any situation. If this is a curiosity make sure you are honest to that person-give them the option. Be righteous. Self loathing is 1 of the 7 deadly sins. ~Good Luck In Finding The Love Of Your Life~ Kissime NOPLAYER, this response to your comment is not an attempt to rattle the boat, or to continue on a subject already analyzed. I just want you to know; I have love for you.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 ()
    Reply to this comment
  18.   tina3219 says:
    Posted: 18 Jul 10

    Fearlesscrus, Black women do marry white men. I am speaking from experience.

    Like or Dislike: or 1 (-1)
    Reply to this comment
  19. Posted: 18 Jul 10

    In addressing PhillyDion and No Player- I understand even if I do not agree with PhillyDion. PhillyDion sounds like a man who has been very hurt and disrespected by a BW or quite a few in his life time. He may have one time been a man who dated BW (one of the good ones) that got hurt badly. BW on this forum, you know there are BW who have hurt and dogged and disrespected BM. (and I know this is not exclusive to us, but since this topic is about us, I am focusing on us). Does this give him a right to slam all of us NO but I understand. He needs to heal, forgive that person and let it go of bitterness in his heart. I am sure there are some BW not all that are on this site because they have given up on BM because of being BADLY hurt, mistreated, disrespected and in some cases ABUSED by BM and so they are tired and fed up similiar to PhillyDion with BW. Healing, Forgiveness and sometimes counseling can bring a person from bitterness back to a right state of mind. Even if a person never dates from thier own ethnicity ever again they can at least get to a place of respect. We are all loveable and desireable. There is a man for every woman and vice versa...

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  20. Posted: 16 Jul 10

    To fearlesscrus, You asked why black women will date a white man but would not marry him, I don't know to be honest I know that I would marry a white man, I have white uncles, aunts, and a white brother-n-law so in my family it is no big deal, it hasn't always been that way but that color is not an issue, if people love each other color should never be an issue. I know that if I ever get married again my husband will be a causcasion man.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  21.   Layla32 says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 10

    @fearlesscrus I think you need to take "race" out of the marriage question you are posing. I am tired of the over reliance on the racial construct when it is probably something much more individual. The question is and should be "why do I date women that don't ever want to marry me?". The point that they are "black" women or African ancestred women is immaterial. I think it is much more individual (directly related to your person) than you may be willing to admit.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  22.   blue1 says:
    Posted: 14 Jul 10

    misskgreen. when I read the blogs and I like what is written I go to the profile. Your profile is hidden. Please put it back up unless you have found some one.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  23.   Kissime says:
    Posted: 14 Jul 10

    HA!!! Good one, Calia, checked it out. Too Funny! :O

    Like or Dislike: or 0 ()
    Reply to this comment
  24.   Kissime says:
    Posted: 14 Jul 10

    Sean01,so sweet...thank you ;)

    Like or Dislike: or 0 ()
    Reply to this comment
  25.   calia says:
    Posted: 13 Jul 10

    "white woman treat blakcmen much better than blackwoman do" goggles Phillydion...interesting flickr photostream of the type of white women you like....

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  26.   Sloanie says:
    Posted: 13 Jul 10

    We have to love ourselves because what's the point in throwing pearls before swine. Were will get dirty somehow and and be undervalued.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  27.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 13 Jul 10

    IN response to Phillydion's comment and gross generalizations of BW, I don't agree with what he said and I'm sure he was expressing his own feelings. What I find strange is two BW on this topic have dismissed his comments as nothing more than him speaking out of self-hatred and one even stated that: What I see here is institutional internalized inferiority complex toward the White race. When BW on this blog have made gross generalizations about BM and have trashed the hell out of us, where is the charge of self-hatred at coming from BW. This is a double standard. BW can trash BM all day log but the moment Phillydion said what he said now he's self-hating and suffers from not only an inferiority complex but an INSTITUTIONAL INTERNALIZED complex, OMG! When I pointed out this same issue in the article about Jill Scott one individual accused me of being a mad shrink or something to that effect. Somebody should address this because BW on this blog have gotten away with trashing BM and very few on this blog have held them up for examination, pshyco-analyzed them and accused them of hating their fathers and what not.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 ()
    Reply to this comment
  28.   misskgreen says:
    Posted: 13 Jul 10

    @Sean01 lol. Thanks.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  29.   Jenna says:
    Posted: 13 Jul 10

    Thanks Whurr I googled her, she is a very pretty Brazilian Italian.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  30.   madamenoir says:
    Posted: 13 Jul 10

    I feel loved and I've always felt loved. I have dated different ethnic groups of men and I have never felt that. There are ignorant men in every group, so "some" BM are not going to define all BM or a few rotten apples don't spoil the whole bunch.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  31. Posted: 12 Jul 10

    Cheney44, you said it all: "It is sad that in the year 2010 we are still talking about white girls on pedestals." You have the wisdom and insight to go straight to the heart of the matter. Now, in regard to your statement that "...a lot of white men are looking for some brown sugar. They are not serious about this", you are absolutely right...BUT...it works both ways... I've been single and looking ever since my wife died 18 years ago. During that time I have dated many black women, even had some long term relationships, and have asked several of them to marry me...and every one of them turned me down. Why is it that black women want to date white men but don't want to marry them? I've asked that question here and on every other dating forum, but no one can answer it. I've received many hateful responses, but not one honest answer.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 ()
    Reply to this comment
  32.   Sloanie says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 10

    Why would black women feel less loveable than any other race because of western ideals of beauty? No we must feel beautiful both inside and out as black women. Taking inspiration from Beyonce's current song....''There's nothing not to love about me. I'm lovely there's nothing not to need about me. Maybe youre not the one. Or maybe youre plain dumb! So women regardless of what the world may thing as the ideal beauty and who should be adored and loved, black women must first love themselves and everyone will love us in return.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  33.   gjones66216 says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 10

    Less lovable than who? or what? Is the comparison with/against white women? Black women of our parent's day? How do you make this subjective matter objective enough to compare anyway? We are different than the facts and the models of yesterday. Our world is paced differently and we certainly have different opportunities and challenges. My respect for the Black woman has never left me. My mother and her sisters/aunts cousins, etc raised me well. You can learn from the negatives as well as the positives if you're smart enough to know the difference. Frankly, I don't know if our sisters are any more lovable or less lovable than whatever standard that you are suggesting. Frankly, it really doesn't matter. Your confidence (not your putdowns) will really carry the day.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  34.   Clarefro says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 10

    From a mans point of view Black women are the ultimate in beauty! I am a white canadian and i have zero interest in white women Black women are punished globally for being so dam HOT! Actually that is the real reason for Global Warming ! I am also Clare08 on Plentyoffish.com I am at a total lack of understanding why women especially beautifull black women are treated like dogs in many parts of the world ??????????????????? Clare

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  35.   dee says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 10

    Here is an open letter from PhILLYDION... I think you black women want it both ways date us and we put up with yall bull shit under some African Queen..........Yall full of shit, Balondes are so pretty I like the way they smell.......You look like a man.........I cannot help it but man White woman are so Feminine and clasy......I bet you have thrown some brothers under the bus haven't you? Bye be cool stay mean nasty repulsively corney..........oh kill a blackmans spirits this week right? Bye Ms attitude do not contact I stay away from yall always did always will................. My reply... I am happy you admit that you hate black women, that is the best reason black women should date out. I could careless about who you date. You like blondes dumb dumbd and God bless them because they will need all the prays they can get dealing with someone such as yourself. You cannot begin to compare yourself to the average other race man. On the other hand, most bw can hold their own, I know I can. You are the one who is foolish enough to throw women from your own ethnicity under the bus and no I have never thrown any man under said bus.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  36.   theladybarb says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 10

    Black men have choices now? They always have. I've seen Black men with white women since I was a little girl. My grandmother is a product of a black/native american man and a white woman. What has changed is that now BLACK WOMEN have choices. No longer do we have to adhere to one standard of who we date and marry. We are now seen as being the most sought after and most beautiful women in the world. I am saddened to see that a lot of women feel that they are not seen as being as attractive as other women. I do not feel that way and the men that I know do not feel that black women are less desirable. In fact, they prefer Black women and most of them love a beautiful very dark skinned woman. It's been such a wonderful thing to no longer hide my preference for Caucasian men. My friend treats me with such respect, care, and attention. The kind of attention that he says I deserve. Once you've had that kind of treatment you will never settle for what a lot of us had to settle for when we were dealing with only Black men. I also believe that as Black women and Black men, we still have a ways to go in learning how to treat one another with love and respect. Our history has dictated a harsh way of life and it's permeated throughout the decades. But this is a new day and with so much information out there, we can do better. However, for me, I'm sticking with interracial dating. Why? Because I CAN... and NO ONE can make me feel less lovable.. except me. To me, the topic of this article and the suggestion that as Black women we feel less lovable and need white women to validate who we are is not only an insult but has racist undertones to it. Just another way to perpetuate an ongoing attitude of superiority. Now that we are seen as not only being equal to white women but even more desirable... I believe that a lot women of other may not like it. But that is just my thought...

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  37.   deeann says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 10

    To Kngcecil: What other race of woman in America has stood by her man more than most AA women? Most AA women go way beyond what they should to show support for AA men. Other race men know this to be true and or dumb founded as to why AA women would give so much and receive so little in return. IMHO, those days are quickly coming to an end.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  38.   deeann says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 10

    " But black men have choice now, and our priorities are not always the same as a black womans." posted by kngcecil WHAT KNGCECIL WROTE IS VERY TRUE FOR A GOOD MAJORITY OF BM(NOT ALL). IN THIS DAY AND TIME MANY BM ARE SELF CENTERED. MANY ARE A SHELL OF WHAT THEY USED TO BE, PROUD AND RESPONSIBLE. MANY ARE ONLY LOOKING OUT FOR THEMSELVES. JUST FOR A MOMENT THINK ABOUT ALL THE BM YOU KNOW PESONALLY. LOL, black men have choices. I once read a supposed comment from a bm trying to explain the importance of the Civil Rights Movement, he believed the Movement was important because bm can now date ww. What? I hoping this guy was just joking, probably not. Because of men such as KNGCECIL (LOL, KING CECIL)I believe it is important for AA women to date/marry out. Peace

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  39.   sean01 says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 10

    black women are hottt! especially you, misskgreen. and kissime. and the others. is lifelong brown sugar OK?

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  40.   hottner says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 10

    Dear Rita, It's so true tha we are disrepected, seen as less attractive( I find it funny, how when famous white woman have our traits...full lips, hips and round but they are put on a pedasteleg. Angelina Jolie, Kim Kardashian etc...) less intelligent, not taken seriously, overly sexualized. We experience it on a daily basis. What]s important is NEVER to internalize these racist and sexist ideas of who they think we are. We are the most lovable beautiful woman on the planet, full of majesty and grace. Best, HM

    Like or Dislike: or 0 ()
    Reply to this comment
  41.   whurr says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 10

    If you want to see what Ria looks like....and she 'purdy' too....just Google Ria. You will see some descriptions... and then you can see her on FaceBook if you search through the other Google pages. I like her posts on some other blogs dealing with interracial kids. She is Brazilian/Italian! ENJOY!

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  42.   ngbabe says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 10

    PhILLYDION or whatever What I see here is institutional internalized inferiority complex toward the White race. Instead of going to school and bettering yourself---you look to any woman with white skin to validate you cuz---her only requirement for your is a big u know what. Confident black men like our current president understand when you bring something to the table---no need to hide your failures in the shadow of any thing with white skin. I already know your issue is probably not with black women but more with the thought of having BLACK BABIES THAT THAT COULD POSSIBLY LOOKS LIKE ==BET THAT THOUGHT GIVES YOU NIGHTMARE----ITS CALLED SELF-HATRED----SORRY FOR THE POOR BLACK WOMAN WHO NURSED AND FED YOU

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  43.   dee says:
    Posted: 11 Jul 10

    No offense but, why don't you read some of her articles geared toward bw. And, I am sorry you are having issues with bw. Every bw on this site is not having issues with men. Have a nice day.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  44.   Jenna says:
    Posted: 11 Jul 10

    Yes Ria I have been noticing a trend with you.....It appears that you have some issues with African American women,why is that? What is your race? If one has hurt you I am sorry for that. But don't try to technically berate anyone! See why I tell you america has serious race relation issues, and this is a so called first world nation!

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  45.   Kissime says:
    Posted: 11 Jul 10

    I have three theories for Ria's Heading of The Month: I think Ria may be a psychologist or a want to be. I think she may be trying to help some people she feels may need help by making them acknowledge problems bury deep within, and or perhaps problems that are obvious. She knows doing so will eventually alleviate mental distress. However, Ria, your intervention technique is inappropriate. You're insulting your audience. Insecurity lies in every race. We all carry our own form of burden. Your spectators are not all black women. Therefore, targeting black women shows Negative Psyche= Negative Market. Your admission attempt on this web site is insane. There's a particular place for this particular purpose, it's called: A Psychology clinical office. I suggest you only offer pro bono services--due to your deprecated method of the subject matter. You are not using the intellectual skills required. If indeed you are a Psychologist, you should know anger will rise, especially when one with underlying issue is worked against forcefully. Self- revelation takes time. Your speedy mental recovery therapeutic session is unacceptable; regardless how desperate you may be, Ria, for whatever the reason. Perhaps your job is in jeopardy. Or maybe you are a Non-black racist who feels unlovable and worthless. So you subject your emotions to the ones you hate. Or maybe you're simply a woman with borderline personality. Pick One Ria. Which One Are You?

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  46. Posted: 11 Jul 10

    It's sad that there always has to be SOMEBODY ELSE to blame. If you have no luck within your own race, or outside your race, maybe the problem is in your mirror. Quit blaming society or for that matter things that happened before you were even born for your "Issues".

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  47.   mysteek says:
    Posted: 11 Jul 10

    I agree 100% with misskgreen! whatever makes a woman desireable for a man is not a question of color. Men want to be treated like Kings and yes we would like to be treated as Queens, but in order to love someone and treat the person right you have to love yourself first! so I honestly believe poor Ria has a lack of self esteem here and somehow still lives in the past...this is 2010 and we should see people as people and not their color. Dont blame white women of not acknowledging something they dont know nothing about. If a black man prefers to date or marry a white woman, then this is his personal choice and prefrence and not because there are not enough beautiful and good black women out there. I have a beautiful biracial daughter myself and know that people always see her skin color fist and as a black woman, but even here in Germany with less people of color, she had never to deal with this kind of question. She is loved because she is a wonderful woman!

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  48.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 10 Jul 10

    " Everything is Beautiful in it's own way "

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  49.   Kissime says:
    Posted: 10 Jul 10

    Ria, what is your race & nationality?

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment
  50.   misskgreen says:
    Posted: 09 Jul 10

    We have come soooo far as a race. I believe stereotypes are definitely not what they used to be concerning black women, and the ones that hold on to them lack self esteem and are poorly misinformed. I am a black woman with 2 small children and I don't feel less loved by black or white men. I am still single because I feel that I am able to be selective and I won't settle. To pose your question to white women seems to be pointless and just a means to spark discussion (kudos it worked, but I hope this opinion was merely for entertainment purposes). When it all boils down, you as an individual determine how lovable you feel. Your inner beauty is what matters and any man looking for his life mate will look for that factor. We get so caught up on what the media is portraying and at some point stop thinking for ourselves. It's 2010...think big. And as for the brother that posted the comment that disrespected black women, sir you have got to do better. You came from a black woman...what has happened in your life that has allowed you to spew so much self hate? The quality of treatment that a man receives is not a race thing. It is an individual WOMAN thing. Just as some black women have dogged their man, there are some white women that have done the same. I, as well as many other women of color, are more than capable of treating our men, white or black, as kings. Time for some self examination. Black is, has been, and will always be beautiful.

    Like or Dislike: or 0 (0)
    Reply to this comment