Do black women feel less lovable?

Posted by Ria, 05 Jul

"It amazing that none of these white women will admit that they are on a pedestal as the ideal of femininity. They never seem to see the advantage they have or seem oblivious of the hate and put downs that black women have to face everyday. Black men out marry at are rate 2 1/2 times that of black women yet white women don’t even think of the centuries that they have been protected while black women were defiled. I have a question for the white women this blog. If it is just about “love”, explain to me how I and my black sisters have become less lovable in the past few decades?"

Comment by eshowoman on post 'Interracial Dating-White Woman's Perspective'

Find your soulmate on AfroRomance

I know a lot of negative things have been said about black women in the media, internet … I know people say negative stuff when they try to explain why most black women are single. But after reading the comment above I could not help but sadly ponder over the phrase “less lovable”!!!

Going by the generalizations made in the comment above, I gotta ask: Is this how some black women see themselves – as less lovable!!?? If yes, do we blame society for making these black women feel this way? Should we feel sorry for these black women for believing and living the label society stamps on them?

82 responses to "Do black women feel less lovable?"

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  1.   gjones66216 says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 10

    Less lovable than who? or what? Is the comparison with/against white women? Black women of our parent's day? How do you make this subjective matter objective enough to compare anyway? We are different than the facts and the models of yesterday. Our world is paced differently and we certainly have different opportunities and challenges. My respect for the Black woman has never left me. My mother and her sisters/aunts cousins, etc raised me well. You can learn from the negatives as well as the positives if you're smart enough to know the difference. Frankly, I don't know if our sisters are any more lovable or less lovable than whatever standard that you are suggesting. Frankly, it really doesn't matter. Your confidence (not your putdowns) will really carry the day.

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  2.   Clarefro says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 10

    From a mans point of view Black women are the ultimate in beauty! I am a white canadian and i have zero interest in white women Black women are punished globally for being so dam HOT! Actually that is the real reason for Global Warming ! I am also Clare08 on Plentyoffish.com I am at a total lack of understanding why women especially beautifull black women are treated like dogs in many parts of the world ??????????????????? Clare

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  3.   dee says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 10

    Here is an open letter from PhILLYDION... I think you black women want it both ways date us and we put up with yall bull shit under some African Queen..........Yall full of shit, Balondes are so pretty I like the way they smell.......You look like a man.........I cannot help it but man White woman are so Feminine and clasy......I bet you have thrown some brothers under the bus haven't you? Bye be cool stay mean nasty repulsively corney..........oh kill a blackmans spirits this week right? Bye Ms attitude do not contact I stay away from yall always did always will................. My reply... I am happy you admit that you hate black women, that is the best reason black women should date out. I could careless about who you date. You like blondes dumb dumbd and God bless them because they will need all the prays they can get dealing with someone such as yourself. You cannot begin to compare yourself to the average other race man. On the other hand, most bw can hold their own, I know I can. You are the one who is foolish enough to throw women from your own ethnicity under the bus and no I have never thrown any man under said bus.

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  4.   theladybarb says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 10

    Black men have choices now? They always have. I've seen Black men with white women since I was a little girl. My grandmother is a product of a black/native american man and a white woman. What has changed is that now BLACK WOMEN have choices. No longer do we have to adhere to one standard of who we date and marry. We are now seen as being the most sought after and most beautiful women in the world. I am saddened to see that a lot of women feel that they are not seen as being as attractive as other women. I do not feel that way and the men that I know do not feel that black women are less desirable. In fact, they prefer Black women and most of them love a beautiful very dark skinned woman. It's been such a wonderful thing to no longer hide my preference for Caucasian men. My friend treats me with such respect, care, and attention. The kind of attention that he says I deserve. Once you've had that kind of treatment you will never settle for what a lot of us had to settle for when we were dealing with only Black men. I also believe that as Black women and Black men, we still have a ways to go in learning how to treat one another with love and respect. Our history has dictated a harsh way of life and it's permeated throughout the decades. But this is a new day and with so much information out there, we can do better. However, for me, I'm sticking with interracial dating. Why? Because I CAN... and NO ONE can make me feel less lovable.. except me. To me, the topic of this article and the suggestion that as Black women we feel less lovable and need white women to validate who we are is not only an insult but has racist undertones to it. Just another way to perpetuate an ongoing attitude of superiority. Now that we are seen as not only being equal to white women but even more desirable... I believe that a lot women of other may not like it. But that is just my thought...

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  5.   deeann says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 10

    To Kngcecil: What other race of woman in America has stood by her man more than most AA women? Most AA women go way beyond what they should to show support for AA men. Other race men know this to be true and or dumb founded as to why AA women would give so much and receive so little in return. IMHO, those days are quickly coming to an end.

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  6.   deeann says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 10

    " But black men have choice now, and our priorities are not always the same as a black woman’s." posted by kngcecil WHAT KNGCECIL WROTE IS VERY TRUE FOR A GOOD MAJORITY OF BM(NOT ALL). IN THIS DAY AND TIME MANY BM ARE SELF CENTERED. MANY ARE A SHELL OF WHAT THEY USED TO BE, PROUD AND RESPONSIBLE. MANY ARE ONLY LOOKING OUT FOR THEMSELVES. JUST FOR A MOMENT THINK ABOUT ALL THE BM YOU KNOW PESONALLY. LOL, black men have choices. I once read a supposed comment from a bm trying to explain the importance of the Civil Rights Movement, he believed the Movement was important because bm can now date ww. What? I hoping this guy was just joking, probably not. Because of men such as KNGCECIL (LOL, KING CECIL)I believe it is important for AA women to date/marry out. Peace

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  7.   sean01 says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 10

    black women are hottt! especially you, misskgreen. and kissime. and the others. is lifelong brown sugar OK?

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  8.   hottner says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 10

    Dear Rita, It's so true tha we are disrepected, seen as less attractive( I find it funny, how when famous white woman have our traits...full lips, hips and round but they are put on a pedasteleg. Angelina Jolie, Kim Kardashian etc...) less intelligent, not taken seriously, overly sexualized. We experience it on a daily basis. What]s important is NEVER to internalize these racist and sexist ideas of who they think we are. We are the most lovable beautiful woman on the planet, full of majesty and grace. Best, HM

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  9.   whurr says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 10

    If you want to see what Ria looks like....and she 'purdy' too....just Google Ria. You will see some descriptions... and then you can see her on FaceBook if you search through the other Google pages. I like her posts on some other blogs dealing with interracial kids. She is Brazilian/Italian! ENJOY!

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  10.   ngbabe says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 10

    PhILLYDION or whatever What I see here is institutional internalized inferiority complex toward the White race. Instead of going to school and bettering yourself---you look to any woman with white skin to validate you cuz---her only requirement for your is a big u know what. Confident black men like our current president understand when you bring something to the table---no need to hide your failures in the shadow of any thing with white skin. I already know your issue is probably not with black women but more with the thought of having BLACK BABIES THAT THAT COULD POSSIBLY LOOKS LIKE ==BET THAT THOUGHT GIVES YOU NIGHTMARE----ITS CALLED SELF-HATRED----SORRY FOR THE POOR BLACK WOMAN WHO NURSED AND FED YOU

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  11.   dee says:
    Posted: 11 Jul 10

    No offense but, why don't you read some of her articles geared toward bw. And, I am sorry you are having issues with bw. Every bw on this site is not having issues with men. Have a nice day.

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  12.   Jenna says:
    Posted: 11 Jul 10

    Yes Ria I have been noticing a trend with you.....It appears that you have some issues with African American women,why is that? What is your race? If one has hurt you I am sorry for that. But don't try to technically berate anyone! See why I tell you america has serious race relation issues, and this is a so called first world nation!

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  13.   Kissime says:
    Posted: 11 Jul 10

    I have three theories for Ria's Heading of The Month: I think Ria may be a psychologist or a want to be. I think she may be trying to help some people she feels may need help by making them acknowledge problems bury deep within, and or perhaps problems that are obvious. She knows doing so will eventually alleviate mental distress. However, Ria, your intervention technique is inappropriate. You're insulting your audience. Insecurity lies in every race. We all carry our own form of burden. Your spectators are not all black women. Therefore, targeting black women shows Negative Psyche= Negative Market. Your admission attempt on this web site is insane. There's a particular place for this particular purpose, it's called: A Psychology clinical office. I suggest you only offer pro bono services--due to your deprecated method of the subject matter. You are not using the intellectual skills required. If indeed you are a Psychologist, you should know anger will rise, especially when one with underlying issue is worked against forcefully. Self- revelation takes time. Your speedy mental recovery therapeutic session is unacceptable; regardless how desperate you may be, Ria, for whatever the reason. Perhaps your job is in jeopardy. Or maybe you are a Non-black racist who feels unlovable and worthless. So you subject your emotions to the ones you hate. Or maybe you're simply a woman with borderline personality. Pick One Ria. Which One Are You?

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  14. Posted: 11 Jul 10

    It's sad that there always has to be SOMEBODY ELSE to blame. If you have no luck within your own race, or outside your race, maybe the problem is in your mirror. Quit blaming society or for that matter things that happened before you were even born for your "Issues".

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  15.   mysteek says:
    Posted: 11 Jul 10

    I agree 100% with misskgreen! whatever makes a woman desireable for a man is not a question of color. Men want to be treated like Kings and yes we would like to be treated as Queens, but in order to love someone and treat the person right you have to love yourself first! so I honestly believe poor Ria has a lack of self esteem here and somehow still lives in the past...this is 2010 and we should see people as people and not their color. Don´t blame white women of not acknowledging something they don´t know nothing about. If a black man prefers to date or marry a white woman, then this is his personal choice and prefrence and not because there are not enough beautiful and good black women out there. I have a beautiful biracial daughter myself and know that people always see her skin color fist and as a black woman, but even here in Germany with less people of color, she had never to deal with this kind of question. She is loved because she is a wonderful woman!

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  16.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 10 Jul 10

    " Everything is Beautiful in it's own way "

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  17.   Kissime says:
    Posted: 10 Jul 10

    Ria, what is your race & nationality?

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  18.   misskgreen says:
    Posted: 09 Jul 10

    We have come soooo far as a race. I believe stereotypes are definitely not what they used to be concerning black women, and the ones that hold on to them lack self esteem and are poorly misinformed. I am a black woman with 2 small children and I don't feel less loved by black or white men. I am still single because I feel that I am able to be selective and I won't settle. To pose your question to white women seems to be pointless and just a means to spark discussion (kudos it worked, but I hope this opinion was merely for entertainment purposes). When it all boils down, you as an individual determine how lovable you feel. Your inner beauty is what matters and any man looking for his life mate will look for that factor. We get so caught up on what the media is portraying and at some point stop thinking for ourselves. It's 2010...think big. And as for the brother that posted the comment that disrespected black women, sir you have got to do better. You came from a black woman...what has happened in your life that has allowed you to spew so much self hate? The quality of treatment that a man receives is not a race thing. It is an individual WOMAN thing. Just as some black women have dogged their man, there are some white women that have done the same. I, as well as many other women of color, are more than capable of treating our men, white or black, as kings. Time for some self examination. Black is, has been, and will always be beautiful.

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  19.   Kissime says:
    Posted: 09 Jul 10

    Christina Aguilera hit it on the nail. That's so important to have self love. I can understand how the battered eventually gets worn out. Thank God my home and my environment is sweet. Thank God my father, mother and family members told me I was smart & beautiful growing up.

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  20.   whurr says:
    Posted: 09 Jul 10

    @phillydion "white woman treat blakcmen much better than blackwoman do" The winner of the "Archie Bunker Sterotype of the Year" for 2010 is.... yeah you guessed it.... PHILLYDION.. applause please! PHILLY, these 'white woman' (sic) that are 'better sexually', do they by chance carry a Franklin Spell Checker or Franklin Grammar Checker in their purse? I was thinking while they 'strokin' they might stroke a few keys on the keypad and help you get your point out a little clearer. I knew this was an interracial dating site, but what I didn't know was that this is a conjugation optional site!

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  21.   Ria says:
    Posted: 09 Jul 10

    This just reminded me of the song Beautiful by Christina Aguilera "Every day is so wonderful And suddenly, i saw debris Now and then, I get insecure From all the pain, I'm so ashamed I am beautiful no matter what they say Words can't bring me down I am beautiful in every single way Yes, words can't bring me down So don't you bring me down today "

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  22.   Jenna says:
    Posted: 09 Jul 10

    @Whurr "I’m an equality to the skin-tone ‘make ya feel lovable’ kind of guy!!" Oh really lol!? I have some directions for you!

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  23.   tina3219 says:
    Posted: 09 Jul 10

    It sure would be nice whurr if men who were serious on this site would testify "Here I am, pick me" but alas you are the only one who showed enough heart to speak up.

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  24.   whurr says:
    Posted: 08 Jul 10

    Black women feel less lovable?? The line that is forming from that statement...can someone send me the directions to show up with my 'IM AVAILABLE -->" poster. Black, brown, charcoal, midnight, mocha, taupe, tan, sandstone, beige, cinnammon.... I'm an equality to the skin-tone 'make ya feel lovable' kind of guy!!

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  25.   Kissime says:
    Posted: 08 Jul 10

    @ Phillydion, It's okay to prefer dating white women without demeaning black women. I'm pretty sure your mother is a black woman. Your experiences with black women (if any) may not have been the best, I'm assuming. But to categorize us all is very shameful on your part. If I were dating a white man with so much self hatred I would had ended the relationship. And if I read such a disgusting statement written by a white man regarding his race I would not get involve with him. I hope if you ever have a biracial daughter your gene does not dominate--because if it does, she will inherit your traits and your dark pigmentation which by society will be acknowledge as a black woman regardless of her true race (biracial/mulatto) And therefore, according to you, as a black man, she will be all that you've described black women to be. By the way, your race is Black/of African descent...with a bachelors degree you should know this. Your ancestors, as mine are from Africa...the truth is apparent (your skin & facial structures) regardless of you denial. There is nothing wrong with being Black/African Descent regardless of the stigma associated with Africa & Black. Read your history---be proud of what you've overcome. If you have not achieved anything to progress your race, your people or the human race; be proud of the fact that your African American ancestors have accomplished to make it possible for you to live the life you have now. Gosh, Phyllidion, you would had been hung for loving a white woman less than 50 years go. Thank God for your Black/ African ancestors and other race that believed in equality and freedom. I'm Not American. But sweetheart, I am A Black Woman And I thank God for the African Americans for paving the way. Good luck in finding the love of your life.

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  26.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 08 Jul 10

    If I could talk to the sister that posted the original comment I would ask her, "less than lovable in whose eyes?" Is it men from her ethnic group, men in general, her mate, in whose eyes are she talking about? You really have to look at where this kind of talk is coming from, the format thats supporting it and the audience that it's directed at. You have to ask yourself why all of a sudden the interest in the lives of BW. I guess folks have found a way to sell magazines and get people to comment on their blogs, just write anything about BW that revolves around marriage, sex or dating and the struggle that may go along with it and you're sure to get some feed back. It's like they're trying to throw logs on the fire, the image of BW have been taking a beating within the last 10 years are so, they're angry, up-in-your-face, least likely to marry, less desirable and the rest of that trash and now one more, they feel less than lovable, give me break! Sisters this nothing more than a ploy to get you to question your own self worth and plant the seeds of doubt in the minds of BW who may suffer from low self esteem as if some women from other group don't suffer from low self esteem. Do they ask women from other groups that get breat impants, botox injections, and Lord knows what else do they feel less desirable or lovable and as a result they spend all of this money altering their bodies. It's funny they don't inquire about your strenght, your intelligence and your willingness to love after experiencing so much disrespect and hatred from the world but they'll write books, have tv shows and make movies patraying you in a very negative manner. The same image slaughter that was carried out on BM during the 90's is being carried out on BW today and some of us are too dumb to see it. Remember, "a lie told long enough becomes the truth in the eyes of so many!"

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  27.   calia says:
    Posted: 08 Jul 10

    I don't know why there are so many forums, threads, questions, answers on yahoo regarding are "black women undesirable". I'm certainly not going to read those threads, but there seem to have start from 2006/2007: what exactly happen in this year??? something must have triggered this.

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  28.   cheney44 says:
    Posted: 08 Jul 10

    Phillydion, you do not have to put black women down to get your point across. That kind hate is what keeps African-Americans from becoming a strong race. This is 2010, get over it. If dig white women, cool brotha. I dig white brothas' but check this, I will never put a black man down like you just did blackwomen. Do not forget what your mother looks like. I forgive u, this time! Peace

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  29.   tina3219 says:
    Posted: 08 Jul 10

    @Comment by jeanneom on 6 July 2010: >>Make sure he takes you to meet his family and friends. Then you will know that it might not just be a sex thang.>> Yes, this is true. If they keep you in the bedroom, his apartment or yours, take you places but never meet his friends and family, disappear on holidays due to work or family.... He is not the one. (and dont wait an unusual amount of time for him to intro you either, he is wasting your best years) Actually this goes for any race that you are dating. not just white men.

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  30. Posted: 08 Jul 10

    To answer the question do I see myself as less lovable? Nope not at all. I am one woman, not every black woman. I have my own unique experiences, as do they. I know what I have to offer and I know my heart. I know that I deserve love--the real thing. There is nothing 'less lovable' about me. People who think like that often have the 'victim' mentality. If a man doesn't understand that he has found a gem in me, I can say 'his loss' and mean it with every ounce of my being. I get the feeling that the women peddling this 'we feel less lovable' crap are the ones that are still crying that black men are dating white women. Get over it! I like that last question: "Should we feel sorry for these black women for believing and living the label society stamps on them?" Hell no. Who told them to believe about themselves what other people tell them to? How can you be a grown woman with a whole life, past experiences and the knowledge that tomorrow is promised to no-one and still running around worrying about mundane stuff, like what other people think of you??? It always amazes me.

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  31.   eva says:
    Posted: 08 Jul 10

    hello, folks i am always confident of myself, because i am beautiful,educated and sexy. nothing would ever change me, i do enjoy the company of white male on the job, and was once involved with a white guy i has worked for, but i lost him to being atracted to my black brother. but i am black and beautiful. "no white chick has nothing on me."

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  32.   kngcecil says:
    Posted: 07 Jul 10

    No one's more or less lovable than they've ever been; but black men have more choices now. In the Jim Crow past; you either married a black woman - or you were brutally executed by a lynch mob. But black men have choice now, and our priorities are not always the same as a black woman's.

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  33.   Frank54 says:
    Posted: 07 Jul 10

    Ladies, It disturbs me that so many of you are concerned about this question. I have to agree with Cheney44. I'm not the spokesman for white males, but you are very desireable to me. Let me explain what I mean. First of all, I'm over fifty years old, thus I remember the old days, too. Growing up through the sixties and seventies, my peer group was putting the same racist thoughts into my head as your peer group was your's. I think back to girls that I thought were attractive, smart, talented and that I would have loved to date. They were both black and white. Wouldn't we all love to take that trip back in time and be ourselves, rather than being products of the times. What have I learned since then? I've learned that there is no sweeter place for a man in this world to be, than in the arms of a woman who loves him. I have loved white women and black women and been loved by both. That love feels the same. What can I offer to the readers here? Just one thought. Love yourself and love all people. If there are self-esteem issues, they will improve. People will love you back. And one day, when least expected, you will find the love that satisfies you. I love you.

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  34.   takinitall says:
    Posted: 07 Jul 10

    Less lovable? No I do not feel less lovable. Less desired for LTR? Somewhat I find it interesting that when dating interracially, Black women are a fetish,; but Asian and Hispanic are preferred for marriage. When dating Black men, white women or any other race except Black is desired for LTR. I think the problem is Black women do not have the greatest reputation for dating. We are considered loud, arrogant, absorbed in our careers and are unwed mothers. I guess it really boils down to who wants you. My grandma would allways say "get a man who loves you more than you love him." I never understood this comment till recently. Now that I have evolved somewhat, I have learned there are so many more things in life than physical. I'm not saying settle, but be realistic in your search. Respond to everyone who sends you a message or a flirt you never know who you may meet. Stop judging a guys profile by his pics or what kind of car he is posed in front of (in fact if he's posing with a car or mansion in the back, it's probably not his). Think deeper!

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  35.   irishrose59 says:
    Posted: 06 Jul 10

    As one of those blonde and blue let me assure you that it is not all roses and fairy dust. All women, of any color, need to love themselves before anyone else can love them. The media is to blame on many accounts. I have found many a black men that I know professionally as well as personally are the ones trashing most women of color as well as all woman in general. As a society we have raised a generation of lazy mamas boys. Men that have over inflated egos. We need to change the way we think of ourselves in order to change the way we are percieved. On a lighter note I hope that when the aliens come, that they will eat all the skinny blondes first. Take pride in yourself and don't give a damn what anyone else thinks. You are your own best friend. Cheers

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  36.   Kissime says:
    Posted: 06 Jul 10

    Jenna, kudos to you :)

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  37.   spirit773 says:
    Posted: 06 Jul 10

    I love myself and have never felt unloved because i'm a black woman. However, there are things that confuse me .At a time when we know so much more about the history of black communities and about our heritages ,and we have so much more consumer awareness , why is that in most black hair and beauty shops their most popular products are hair straighteners, hair weaves and skin lightening creams ? What about the blue/grey/ green contact lenses? Of course it is your right to dress and beautify yourself in the way that you feel best expresses you.Individuality worn with confidence can be a wonderful thing. I'm blessed to live in very multi-cultural community but i do wonder how badly wrong things have become when the proprietor of my local black hair and beauty shop told me the story of the mother who walked with her 4 year old daughter and asked for stronger skin lightening creams than were on display. As she stood at the counter she looked down at her child and said with utter contempt ' look at her , she's too black'. How damaged is that child going to grow up ?

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  38.   Phillydion says:
    Posted: 06 Jul 10

    Black woman have suddenly become les attractive to many Black men because white woman treat blakcmen much better than blackwoman do.........They think blackmen are supposed to take that S*** they have with them personally I only date white woman they are so cool, down to earth, and well better sexually.......Blac kwoman lack the neccesaties to please Black men.........

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  39.   jeanneom says:
    Posted: 06 Jul 10

    vI think I was one of the first responants to this post, but apparently my opinion did not make the first cut. Most of you hae said what I said anyway. Confidence,poise, pure living, healthy living and nutrition, kindness, etc., all these contribute towards an inner beauty that shines through as part of our outer beauty. There is a big diference between be desireable and being lovable. We black women are often desired as sexual partners, experiments, fantasies (as one white man told me) - sex objects. Rare is the white man who wants us as life partners. Make sure he takes you to meet his family and friends. Then you will know that it might not just be a sex thang. I am not just lovable; I am loving, derserving of love; I am Love itself. Meditate on that.

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  40.   theladybarb says:
    Posted: 06 Jul 10

    Personally, I do not understand the post. Why is this addressed to white women? After all, what can they do about how Black women are supposedly treated and feel? I particularily do not understand this statement in your post: "They never seem to see the advantage they have or seem oblivious of the hate and put downs that black women have to face everyday." Assuming that this is true, what do you propose that they do about it and, more importantly what can they do about this? Having said that, I do not know what the post means when it was stated about the put downs that we have to face everyday. Personally, I have not and do not have to face"put downs" everday. I live a happy and productive life. I have the same opportunities as everyone else and I've taken advantage of them. This is 2010 and younger Black women do not have the issues and problems that my generation and generations before me faced. It's amazing that you are still whining and groaning about this and that. Pull yourself up, treat yourself with respect, ardor, and grace and perhaps you will feel good about yourself. The perspective of beauty has changed. Women of color and women of different of cultures ARE seen as being beautiful and intelligent. This comment from your post also makes no sense to me. "I have a question for the white women this blog. If it is just about “love”, explain to me how I and my black sisters have become less lovable in the past few decades?” What in the world does THAT mean? Where does this come from? It seems to me that once again here we go whining and moaning and groaning. Why do we always turn to White people to solve our problems for us? Thinking like this only creates the persona of... "there they go again..."

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  41.   Cheney44 says:
    Posted: 06 Jul 10

    It is sad that in the year 2010 we are still talking about white girls on pedestals. What the heck! I do not feel less lovable. I have been on this site for the past to years,Nd have found that a lot of white men, are looking for some brown sugar. They are not serious about this. I keep the faith that one will come around. We sistas' are a different breed of woman. We are strong, have a natural beauty that no other race of woman can top. So with that on mind co es a fear also. We live in a world that is not ours. It is full of hate, racism, and oppression. So we have to be stronger, smarter, and wiser. I love who I am, I have beautiful locks down my back and I have been blessed with natural beauty. Let's open our minds to different things. That old slavemaster raping black women has been played by the brothers. Many of us have made that step by being on this site. Keep hope alive! Lol (I had to lighten the mood)! Be strong my sistas' he is out there and if not love thy self. That is alwaysour first and last love. Peace!

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  42.   dee says:
    Posted: 06 Jul 10

    Slow news day? I do not live a label. I am a productive citizen who is just as lovable as you are, Ms. Ria.

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  43.   Jenna says:
    Posted: 06 Jul 10

    @Kissime You said it sister! And I feel very lovable lol!

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  44.   Kissime says:
    Posted: 06 Jul 10

    I think if a woman feels less lovable she should start loving herself. I agree the media portraits black women negatively. But valuing yourself is best. Seriously, I don't think black women cares about what white women thinks(not the black women I know.) As I've always said to women who's questioned me for whatever I do "What I do is non of your business. You're spending too much time trying to figure me out. If you'd spend 1/2 of that time working on yourself you'd be a better person. I love taking care of me and mine...you need to stop hating & start imitating" Ladies, if you're @ the store wearing your Pj's that's non of my business. But don't start calling me names 'cause I have high heels on...love your pj's outdoor. I didn't tell you it was sexy to walk out of your home looking like you don't give a f@#* I think women are beautiful. But if you don't think much of yourself you're not going to do much for yourself. I stay on a pedestal- and I will not come down. I am not hurting you because I love myself, and my pumps. For the ones who care about what other race thinks of them....STOP! Believe it or not, I don't think white women or any other race of women cares about what you think. Start Loving you and stop looking for a man to fix your problems. I don't care how much money he or you have, if you don't truly love yourself you will never be happy. Start reading and make yourselves better people (I'm talking about all races) Yes, we are different. And that is okay. Every race is different. I am who God created. I have my own views. I laugh & I cry differently. Everyone is unique. Do You. But do you with pride and not arrogance. There are a lot of single white women...this topic is all about pouring fuel on fire.

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  45.   kreamnsugah says:
    Posted: 06 Jul 10

    Yes, a lot of negative things have been said about black sisters. But those are opinions. And everyone has one. I don't want any one feeling sorry for me. Because I don't fit into that mold as "less lovable". I'm just as lovable if not more than my counterparts. And no, I am not being conceited just confident. Just because that's how society perceives or portrays us in a negative manner. We are not that nor do we have to believe it or live it. I'm using what I have to my advantage. What doesn't hurt or kill me will only make me stronger. And I am a strong black woman who loves interracial dating.

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  46.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 05 Jul 10

    Ladies with chocolate brown skin are the most Fantasticly Beautiful women in this world . Each person is still an Individual capable of Love / if you feel bad about yourself , grow-up get over it . Enjoy the natural tan that women of color possess . Remember there truly are only two kinds of people / male and female . We are all made to work for a common goal in Life / Enjoy who you Really are " Marvelously Magnificent in your own skin . Class comes in how you treat All others / blame no-one save yourself for Negative Thoughts .

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  47.   tina3219 says:
    Posted: 05 Jul 10

    I really can not speak for anyone else. However, I am not less lovable. The media portrays blond, blue eyed and thin as the criteria for beauty of which black women are none of these things. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder not the eye of the media or money making moguls. This seems more like someone has a low self esteem issue. I do not fit into that criteria. I love my full lips (great kisser) great hip and butt spread (use to be great for carrying babies, I am no longer interested in making babies), expressive eyes and unique personality, ability to eventually handle any situation that comes along in life because I know the situation/issue will make me a stronger person down the road.

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  48.   Kissime says:
    Posted: 05 Jul 10

    I'm Extremely LoVAblE

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  49.   blaqbeauty4 says:
    Posted: 05 Jul 10

    I have always been nurtured to have a healthy self-esteem through my mother and my community and church as a child. I have a healthy self-esteem intact in spite of the fact that society thinks i should not because of my out-of-wedlock children. I know who i am as a woman and i would like to see any woman that has the talent, drive, and compassion that i have. I do not care how fair my skin is. I was taught to be proud of my blackness and i am. Our men...brothas. Real complicated issue. Many of this time grew up without a male role model and excuse this as a reason for ignorant and immature behavior. Society will give it a pass more than a woman trying to be strong and support a family. The contradictions of American culture. LOL. I know who i am because i educated myself. Many young girls do not have this advantage. Black women started this shyt. So i will NEVER feel lower than any other woman. Read the Forbes most Powerful list --#1 and #2 and black women. Do the math and sisters don't let the game keep manifesting. Love and respect yourselves. The rest comes from there. Blaqbeauty 4-the screen name is not an illusion.

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  50.   rae56 says:
    Posted: 05 Jul 10

    Ah dang, Ria, sumpin' tells me you've done it again -- this is going to be a "hot" one! lol I love how your posts, agree or disagree with the topics or comments, are always thought provoking, and often cause me to do a bit of soul searching. I can’t say that I feel “less lovable” or love worthy (nor should any woman of color), regardless of the stigma placed on black women since the days of slavery, that we are only worthy of being used for sex. But it takes a VERY strong woman of color (thanks mom), be she black or Hispanic, to overcome being bombarded from childhood with “the American standard of beauty” (blonde/blue) and how we don’t measure up. Fortunately, these young girls coming up are seeing more and more people who look like them, in the media and in positive roles. This goes a long way toward strengthening their racial identity and developing a higher self esteem.

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