Do parents commit emotional incest?

Posted by Ria, 26 Sep 07

mother-and-son.jpegLisa, a mother of three is very attached to her only son, Rick. With her marriage being rocky for the last five years, she has taken to sharing her deepest frustrations and tribulations with his son. Is she practicing some form of child abuse – emotional incest – by using her son to calm her emotional turbulence?

Most parents who commit this form of incest over-step their childrens boundaries by over-involving them in adult affairs. Much as they may not be aware of it, parents usually submit their children to this kind of abuse which usually has effects later in life. They depend on their children to provide the kind of relationship they are missing from their spouses and more often than not, this emotional support is sought from a child of the opposite sex.

A parent may seek support from the children in cases of an absent spouse, divorce, separation or death of a spouse. In most cases, the parent sees the child as an appropriate person to confide in after the absent spouse. And the victims usually are the either the eldest children or those with strong personalities. And whenever possible, the parent picks on the opposite sex child to ‘replace’ the spouse.

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Both men and women can instigate incestuous relationships. Ever noticed that some fathers show more love towards their daughters than their wives… or mothers towards their sons? Worse still, some even confide with their children about spousal disagreements hence putting the children at the center of conflict. Is this really fair?

Why do parents put their children in such awkward positions? Some usually think that involving their children in their emotional concerns is a sign of love. Unfortunately, children who are showered with this kind of love… love intended for a spouse start feeling like the world revolves around them making it hard for them to sustain their own relationships in future.

Is it right for parents to constantly convey a message that their children are responsible for their emotional well-being? Why not talk to a friend about it or just see a shrink? We should have a law against this don't you think?

Tags: emotional incest, father daughter relationship, mother son relationship

Responses to "Do parents commit emotional incest?"

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  1.   JMan says:
    Posted: 23 Feb 10

    jsp8, Try honestly talking with him, but find another boyfriend. He is unfortunately one lost cookie. He will not change at this point unless he sees the need to and at that it is going to take a lot of work.

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  2.   jsp8 says:
    Posted: 15 Feb 10

    My boyfriend is 34 years old. He grew up in a loveless and volatile household and his parents divorced in his early 20's. Since then and maybe even before then he has been made to feel responsible for his mother emotionally. He is her sounding board, her comfort and she gets upset and cries if she feels she doesn't get enough attention from him. Yesterday was Valentine's day and he left my home because he received a call from his sister that his mom was crying. He had been calling his mother for several days and she had not responded. It turns out she was upset with him because she felt he hadn't spent enough time with her lately. He in turn feels guilty and truly believes that he needs to replace the male role in her life left by the absence by his father. This has been a recurring theme in our relationship and continues to destroy our possibility of a future. I truly believe their relationship is unhealthy and disfunctional and he in no way sees this. Am I wrong, should I accept their relationship? If not how do I help him see just how detrimental his relationship with his mother is to our relationship, his other relationships and his life as a whole?

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  3.   JMan says:
    Posted: 30 Jan 10

    Some people have called this being an over loving parent, but it is incest in that it creates an unhealthy bond between mother and son as well as in the case of my wife between mother and daughter. Until my wife got some serious therapy, she was like a passive little girl inside of an adult body who was so easily controlled by her mother. This overattachment spilled over into her relationship with her identical twin sister who I also felt in competition with for several years. I've had to go into therapy also due to my mother engulfing me into herself to meet her own emotional needs but neither mine, nor my dad's whom she tried to keep away from me after divorcing, nor my step-dad's after she married again when I was 12. She was so wrapped up in me that she never developed a good relationship with her step-children and I ended up getting married late in life, plus to a woman much older than me. Turns out that we are both bisexual.I would not wish my life's journey on anyone, but I see moms and single moms do this with their sons many times.

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  4.   Daisy says:
    Posted: 20 Nov 09

    I have experienced this emotional incest with my husband and our three chldren. He crosses boundaries with our kids discussing personal intimate info with them about us. I feel these discussion should remain between me and him and not up for discussion or opinion from our children. But constantly I am under criticism by them for anything I do. They feel that it is their duty to protect their dad against me. My younger daughter has been most effected by it. She has had two terrible relationships. Both substance abusers like her father. Since she was 13 she has never been accountable for anything she has done. She was verbally and physical abusive to me while her father did nothing. He was never abusive against me because he had the girls to do it for him. I want to know first how to stop it...and second how to heal from it. Thank you for being here.

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  5.   Josh says:
    Posted: 24 Mar 09

    This is sad but it happens, in relationships like this the parent can evolve in to a over the top controlling manipulating parent. We need to know what HEALTHY BOUNDARIES are. Not just with our kids and our parents but with any type of relationship we have. It can mess with a kids head growing up because the parent is hyper-sensitive about what the child cant give.

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  6.   ukfemale45 says:
    Posted: 10 Mar 09

    It is always easy to judge others but I am the first to admit that I have got parenting wrong and we are as a family in counselling sessions. Me, my Husband, and our two kids aged 11 and 8. Our boy, aged 11 has severe Aspergers but I believe I have not helped his case by treating him like a grown up because this is what was done to me. I never had a childhood. Had a key to the door when I was 8. Was sexually touched by my Brother when I was 11 and kept it in till I was 37. Lost my Husband to death when I was 26 and told not to cry by my Mother cause it would make her cry, this was a year after my Father died and she said it was my fault he got the cancer (but hey ho, he smoked but forget that fact according to her!). I have no idea why my Mother has always loved my Brother more than me. I cannot remember my Father really ever being away from my Mother's emotional abuse and even to this day, aged 45, I cannot believe how much wasted energy I have spent keeping it all in .... seeing her aged 14 go to chop off her wrist with a meat cleaver but this week, something changed and I have had a few wake up calls but thank goodness I have some nice friends too who have been there for me this week cause I am the sort of person who never asks for help .... I am feeling so much, so much stuff and usually I am angry and shouting and short tempered but this week when my Son went to hug my friend as she gave him a present, I said "don't worry, S won't molest you if you give her a cuddle" .... like where did that come from? I have bought up this with my friend and she said she is glad because she did not know how to bring it up herself but it has all come tumbling out and three friends of ours believe I have always treated our Son too grown up since day one .... I have treated our Daughter, although I love her very much, not the same .... I hope it is not too late to make amends to her especially. It is easy for people to judge but unless you have walked in somebody elses shoes, how you can tell what made them tic. I would never touch my Son in any sexual way but I do have a problem with boundaries and I believe I come from a long line of boundaryless family .... but you know what, the buck stops here! I have been honest this week. I have told the lady at our local CAMHS assessment what I have been like and what my life was like with my family, I have written a huge letter to my GP (as he asked me too off his own back cause he can tell I am a bit off track) and I hope nobody thinks I am asking for anybody's forgiveness here because I am not .... I have to learn to forgive myself .... forgive myself for not speaking out sooner about what my Brother did and for expecting my Mother to take my side yet she says now she believes me but what can she do and it was such a long time ago anyway and this is the same Mother that when my first Husband died aged 27 and I was 26 in a sudden accident at work, she said, "don't cry, you will make me cry" so I didn't .... kept it all in .... now I feel I could cry for England for somebody who died 19 years ago and it all feels rather I (can't think of the word to describe what I am feeling) but perhaps if I said .... erm, it feels like the wrong time to be crying now. I have been in many relationships, wrong ones, but I got it right. Have had two lovely Husbands, still with number 2 after all these years but I have not been the easiest person to live with but I have admitted this week I have a problem, I still have a problem but everytime I go to ask my Daughter how her day was at School and ask her lots of questions, I stop myself and ping a rubber band on my wrist .... I dance to music in the kitchen to relieve the stress and am going to come out about everything in my counselling sessions. My Son who is high functioning should not have treated like a little adult .... my Mother said to him a year ago that all of mine and his Dad's problems are because of him .... he told me what she said and she even bit our Son when he was 10 and slapped his Sister when she was 7 and all they were doing was play fighting but she did that .... I dunno, I am not sure if I can forgive myself but I am sure as anything gonna try but I cannot forgive my family for their acting out all the years that I lived in chaos with them and I thank God I ended up in such a good family and have friends but inside I feel like there are two of me in here. I have binged and binged and for two days I have stopped but has anybody else (awful terminology) emotionally incested their children?

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  7.   singforyou says:
    Posted: 22 Jan 09

    Dear Mitzy, I know what you're sayin',even if my ex-husband was a little lighter than yours. I had this problem with my oldest daughter,she's now 20 y.o. I tell you this:your daughter can be mistaken,but you must forgive her within yourself just because you know she'been manipulated for years and I think it's too hard for her now to admitt it:admitting that her beloved father has used her,because of his immaturity.You can't even say cruelty,even if immaturity can cause many problems and sufference.Even if you're right and you have the equilibrated point of view, YOU are the mature person in the stuff,and you have to understand anyone. I know that your daughter knows within herself that you really love her,and not her father.But the sense of guilt with which he is takin'her to his side again doesn't allow her to feel free to realize what she really think. Sorry if I tell you this, I may be wrong,but maybe you suffered too much not to have had the husband you needed, as a woman. First,you NEED TO STAY BETTER AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.I feel better since I separated as I keep myself far from negativity. After all what our children need to feel not to get crazy among difficulties of life is just that someone really loves them. And your behaviour shows you really love your daughters.Even if they doesn't show it,she knows it.The situation is difficult,but if you try to give a little serenity to yourself I have faith that sooner or later your daughter will begin to reason with her head,and not with your husband's one. You are a very strong person and this is saveness for your daughters.You have only to be beautyful as you are,without caring if they understand you or things around them.Don't ever stop to fight for truth,but forgive everyone inside yourself,even your husband.This gives much more strenght to you and your daughters. Sorry for my English not always correct but I hope you understand me. Love

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  8.   Mitzy says:
    Posted: 02 Jul 08

    As an estranged wife of an emotionally immature, self centered man I can affirm how crippling this can be to a family. My husband, in his passive aggression started using our daughters as his "jury of peers", audience, and "affirming support system". He also KNEW I found this inapproriate, immature and counter productive, and frankly "sick" so he did it frequently with NO regard to the damage he was doing to anyone. He has "tried" this immature behavior (to make me feel excluded, and less than) whenever I did not immediately agree with whatever "stunt' or behavior he chose to manifest at the time. He went "teenage mentality" and therefore got all his affirmation (stuff I was bored with or dissapproved of) from his children. He elavated them above me to the point THEY (without threat of repraisials became abusive to me also) and KNEW they had more "control" than either my husband or myself. He basically ignored these children (workalcholic) till they were struggleing with the teenage breaking away........then capitalized on this to recruit them into willing pawns to "teach me how the cow ate the cabbage". Children are frequently used against the other parent, men and abusive men and controlling men use this as a favored tactic when nothing else works to reestablish power and control, and yet, no one can do ANYTHING about it and many trying to protect women LOSE custody rights entirely. So much for JUSTICE. He is currently living with my oldest daughter, as he USED this manipulative tactic of "control mom, and ignore her" to send me his messages of his way or they pay. She was warned for years, as soon as able for her to think of self and NOT to be used this way. She "felt sorry for Daddy" when I locked him out,(though he tried to dispose of me and youngest first) due to this and many other abusive behaviors, and knowingly and willingly conspired with him how to circumvent me and my choice to protect me and the youngest from such immature nonsense by locking him out (after much arguing and attempts to salvage a bad marriage or arrange an amicable split that did not involve asking the children to "take sides") Instead of defending her right to NOT be involved (she lived at the time in an apt on OUR property, he went straight to her and told her LIES about mom's cruelty, and how he had NO money (not at all true) to go anywhere else and then she LIED to me about his whereabouts. He then proceeded to treat her as wife even further and sealed all our fates with his immaturity and extremely poor judgement to get "payback" through his and our children. So, being 28 years old she couldn't see the manipulip for what it was and was told by me that unfortunately he had PUT herself in the middle again, and she welcomed it, so she needed to be making her plans for hew own independance, from the dysfunction pdq. So they decided to move in together and in every SICK way they operate as man and wife, though I am sure there is no sex involved. She is his idea of the perfect wife, as she is unmarried and needing to "care" for someone as part of the maternal thing. She "allows" him to do what he wants watch TV, mow the yard, and play on the highspeed internet he got "for her". I cannot approve of this "sick" arrangement in any way, and so I am now at odds with this daughter emotionally. She should, but apparently doesn't (no real life experience with men) know better . Both think I am sick for calling this manuever what it is EMOTIONAL INCEST abuse of the worst order. She was NOT kicked out ... he ran to her to "rescue" him. She was advised she was being "used" inapproriately to deliver ME a message and that he was sick to involve her this way. She was also advised he would "discard" her the minute he had accomplished his goals of "payback" to me. I had tried to keep it between us, given him money and my reassurances that I would willingly work with him (I was doing the bills but HE controls the pension that pays them) to avoid a financial devasting divorice by a mutual seperation. NOT, he lied and USED both his older daughters "cause mommy (me) was so mean to him. Causing severe disruption to their lives, and estrangement and tension between us all. He doesn't care about anything but serving his own self, ego and needs to power over at ANY cost to the family relations. I find this situation emotionally devasting, embassing, dysfunctional and extremely hard to deal with. He knows she is emotionally fragile, was NOT his wife, but he gave her "upon my death" arrangements and info I have asked him to share with ME for years. The fact that I as his current wife (there are no plans to divorice) would be responsible, irregardless of his games with his "new" own child wife......made NO impact on him whatsoever. So again, feeling important, she fails to see the game she has been roped into. I cannot "forgive" or understand as she is NOT a child. She is apparently a very naive adult, unaware she is being used. She "acts" like an innocent party, yet she continues to seek my "affirmation" for the current circumstances. I know she has spent the money she was saving to move out, helping support HIM, as he would spend HER money rather than "work" with me. Again, others need and plans must halt for his games. I also told him, I wish he would find an ADULT NON related woman to USE, if he is trying to teach me something and to leave our DAUGHTERS out of it. Of course he did the opposite and this has split our family right down the middle and caused this "fragile" daughter to be ostracized and isolated and DEPENDANT on a father that is just using her. It breaks my heart, and angers me at the same time. I had to realize SHE is an adult and if she allowed this to come to this point (now living with him) she IS responsible, though I hold him more so. He NOW speaks of her with utter disgust, and hateful comments..........behind HER back..........as he is done using her and has tried to "dump" a more damaged adult child back "home". KNOWING he will just attempt to USE her from here I haven't allowed that one to occur. He tried the same with our third daughter. She got SMART and got independant and a boyfriend (good one) and so can disassociate from the "stuff". They act as if this is the most "normal" thing. I think it is sick and SAD. It does happen and the reprecussions are far reaching. Long after he is gone (ten year age difference between us) this daughter will suffer from the damage that has done to her by his insistance on involving her KNOWING I would take approariate adult steps to avoid this type emotional abuse to myself and this "adult" child. Our youngest is at odds with both her older siblings and they and he still attempt to use power over manipulations on me.......and HER. and clearly he will have equal access to the youngest should we divorice, so I stay married and keep the enemy close to avoid that. No court is REALLY interested in the he said she saids, or the genuine best interest of a child. Many "emotionally abused" women can attest to that...hard enough now days to prosecute and hold accountable PHYSICAL abusers. NO adult should ever consider using the opposite sex child as his pseudo spouse, irregardless of their age. This is ten times more damaging than a parent speaking honestly about the failing of themselves and the "ex" in the marriage and any attempt to help children understand and avoid these type issues and problems when parents are "at war" . Honesty is REQUIRED here, so that assumptions or self blame doesn't occur or more immaturly oriented damage from the "ex" cannot be allowed to occur. If they are successful with one child, the others are seen as "fair game" as it is an emotionally abusive tactic that WORKS, due to the hurt and devistation that occurs. It is a slippery slope. I want the youngest prepared and understanding the issue of why Daddy now lives with her oldest sibling. Inapproriate behavior on HIS part.....cannot go "unexplained" as clearly this is confusing to her to say the least. I tell her Daddy is in a bad place in his reasoning.............and made some very bad choices..............this is why there is tension between family members. I don't know if this is right, if I am a jealous shrew, or have misguided thinking. All I know is his use of our oldest (causing her to pack up and move in a show of support to him, because HE gave her no real choice as she is also a "dependant" disgusts me, and has left ME attempting to explain and yet not bad mouth, the most dispicable man I have had the displeasure to be closely associated with. He (I came to realize) has hidden behind, and USED our children for years in severely immature ways to punish and attempt to keep me his "whatever doll" and stop treating me like a loved wife years ago. The money and the children (his use and emotional abuse) of them was THE most relevant issue in our seperation. I refused to raise another child to be so mistreated by another adult, to feed and repair his ever needy ego and need to be mothered and nurtured while he afforded his children no nuturing or fathering, unless it served his own self need. I now have to live with this dysfunction into the next generation, and the hurt and attacks from children that cannot fully understand what IS going on here. This saga is a good arguement for NOT staying together for the children I have discovered too late. He needed a "mommy" and when I refused to play, he went to OUR daughter for a substitute. Any suggestions?

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  9.   MissJamaica says:
    Posted: 18 May 08

    and let me say it got so bad that my stepmother at one point didn't serve his plate at dinner and when he asked where his plate was, she snidely snapped that he should have his WIFE go get it. She and my mother act resentful of me and it has to be because of how he acts towards me. He said after i was born my mother accused him of paying more attention to the baby than to her. And they use to get in arguments, and he would leave the house...and take me with him...which i am sure made her even more irate.

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  10.   MissJamaica says:
    Posted: 18 May 08

    cocokisses is rather insensitive to assume that the whole concept is Ria's little invention and therefore wrong. It's real, and I have been a victime of it. My father did it to me, and my mother does it to my brother. He would even tell me when he had slept with my stepmother. I am like why the HELL are you telling me this? I think the bag of issues from growing up in my immediate family have thrown wrenches in my relationships, but as I can't quite see the whole picture or the root of it to fix it, I can only hope my never discussing issues with my exhusband with the child is enough to keep history from repeating itself. I remember older women trying to say my son can be my valentine when i was bemoaning not having a valentine on valentine's day. And i was so ANGRY that I was talking about the lack of an emotional and physical equal counterpart and they thought my SON was enough. It's so friggin annoying the way older women whose marriages or whatever have not worked out think throwing yourself headlong into your children is going to fix the fact that at a certain stage of your life (e.g., when children are in the picture) you are SUPPOSED to have someone to share your life with, and a child is no substitute for a MAN. Advice like that is why women end up doing it so much to their sons. And yes, whoever said all these black men raised by single mothers suffer a lot of emotional incest and don't know how to maintain proper relationships with women in their future...is RIGGGGGHHHHTTTTT. Many of those women are single because the father of the child was some rolling stone or something, and you know what they do? Raise their sons and smile like he's accomplishing something when he's dogging girls left and right...cause deep inside they feel like they are winning that THIS man at least will never leave them cause the other women in his life don't last. It's sick, and it's disgusting, and it's also happening because older black women do NOT encourage their daughters to remarry! They transfer their bitterness to their child and decide if the first guy didn't work, you don't NEED a man. The superwoman costume society tries to get women to put on is a sham. I have examined the thing and said i refuse to kill myself trying to prove i can do it all. Whether I need a man or not, I would LIKE one. Children are not supposed to be raised by one sex only. And women with the single parent stresses more than anyone else need to have that person that is there for them and totally concerned about their welbeing and can give them a sense of being a woman, not just a parent. And yes, my mother spent umpteen years badmouthing my father and it didn't help anything. She was probly that cantankerous and miserable before the marriage ended, and it made him draw closer to me as his little girl and that whole substituting for mommy thing was NOT MY JOB. Women, you need to get yourself in your own relationship with a peer...in the old days families worked because the kids knew nothing about the parent's problems. Arguments were saved and not aired out in the kids' ears or in front of them. If you have kids and think you don't need a man, I bet you are someone that leans on your son way too hard as a crutch. Or daughter if there is no son. Recognize it and try your best to deal with it! These men out here are players and dogs and often from single parent homes...obviously this situation does not benefit them in the long run even if they get great grades in schools or athletic scholarships...but can't maintain a decent relationship!

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  11.   Daughter says:
    Posted: 16 May 08

    I'm the now 50 year old daughter of a mother who constantly badmouthed my father to me. From earliest memories, I remember being taken into her "confidence" about this slight or that (he didn't wipe his feet before he came into her newly mopped floor as newlyweds! Stuff like this)--and they stayed married until he died, 49 years into this marriage. I remember her and my aunt, with 8 kids in the car, chatting happily away about their jerk husbands, how insensitive, how this, how that. As I got older, I started seeing my mother as a manipulative, constant "victim." She loved that role, and my dad went along not knowing that he was the root of all evil in our family. My uncle too, presumably. As an adult child of this, I deeply resent my mother. She and I have had many run-ins, even as she becomes old and ill, because she can NOT stop talking about my dad to me, even though he's been dead for three years. She keeps telling me not to take it so personally. What I want ALL parents reading this to get is this: YOU DON'T WIN. Your child ends up not liking the badmouther, not the badmouthee. I feel sick that I was the victim (ongoing, except I avoid her at all costs) of this b.s. attempt to "win" or be the "favorite parent." It's sick.

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  12.   Member says:
    Posted: 09 May 08

    Fancy, Fancy...oh my goodness. Take a deep breath. You are not the cause of your son's ADHD, Bipolar Disorder etc. Clearly your son has some emotional issues he needs to work on. The best thing you can do is be supportive and strong for him and most importantly take good care of yourself. You have been a wonderful parent. Do you know how many people are not capable of being 1/2 the mother and wonderful parent you have been? I had a very close relationship with my mother and was often her confidant. This did help me to grow up qucikly but certainly did not ruin me. I think my more adult relationship with my mother helped me see the world through more realistic eyes. I feel sorry for children who are placed in a bubble and find themselves assuming the world is perfect and things always work out smoothly...boy will they have BIG adjustment issues. It sounds like many of your son's issues may be related to actual physical situations...such as checmical imbalances. Knocking yourself down and consuming yourself with negative thoughts and energy will not help anyone here. Please be kind to yourself, don't be so hard on yourself. You have been a responsible and loving parent. I have gone through a severe depression before and have found that in my case sooo many of my issues came from being too hard on myself and that I needed to change some of my behaviors. When you start to get overly consumed with these negative thoughts.. STOP and think for a minute about all the good you have done and about all of your positive traits and accomplishments like raising a wonderful son on your own. Sometimes things are as simple as a plus b = c. Be gentle with yourself and watch the negative self talk. You may want to get a copy of the anxiety and phobia workbook. This book helps to evaluate self talk and how it can really affect you. God bless and be kind to yourself. Focus on your depression issues and the rest will work itself out. Depression can give you a very overwhelmed feeling. Work on your depression and you will see how much more you will be able to help your son when you are healthy. Your focusing on your mental health will teach your son through example. Show him that life can be difficult ie dealing with ADHD, depression etc. If you take the bull by the horns and focus on getting well yourself you will show your son to be stong and positive even when life gets difficult and hurts. This, my friend, is far better than focusing on the fact that you may have told your son about your life more than some people are comfortable with. All the best :) Hang in there.

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  13.   Fancy says:
    Posted: 06 May 08

    I am a divorced mother of a teenage son and I am just now realizing that I may be guilty of this. I grew up in a very dysfunctional situation and swore that when I had children their childhood would be the complete opposite of mine. My ex husband and I divorced when my son was a few months old. Since my ex was not involved in my son's life I felt that I needed to be both mother and father to him. I showered him with love and attention and he bacame my "little man". We were very close and I was thrilled to be a mom. It seemed that even though the divorce from his father was very traumatic to me it was OK because I had my son to raise and that would be my focus in life. I admit that I talked openly about my life with his father and the problems we had. Looking back I realize that my son became my confidante. Because of his maturity level I felt that he was easy to talk to, never realizing that boundaries were being crossed. During the past few years my son has had severe behavioral problems. He has had run ins with the law, been locked up and placed in juvenile detention, group home, residential treatment facility, outdoor therapeutic facility. Some of his crimes have been directed at me (using my debit and credit cards, stealing my vehicle, money, running away, etc). He is currently in JD again. Now that I am beginning to make the connection between emotional incest and my relationship with my son, I am horrified to think that I may be responsible for the majority of his emotional problems. He has been diagnosed with depression, ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Bipolar. I am currently being treated for severe depression. Where and how do I begin to repair this severely damaged relationship with my son? I am filled with guilt, remorse and hopelessness. HELP!

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  14.   lola says:
    Posted: 25 Apr 08

    Emotional Incest does happen and its right to give it such a harsh name. It is abuse, and I experienced it for all my life into adulthood, up to the point, where I became so emotionally ill, that I had to get out of this and start a new life. My father always kept me extremely close, isolating me from others, observing me all the time, begging me literally for attention, expecting me to stay with him for the rest of his life, telling everything that was on his mind, including his contempt for my mother, his affair with a woman, his own bad childhood. I had no real privacy, not even in the bathroom, and no activity, that he would not get involved in. I always felt extremely guilty, whenever I spend some time on my own and spend so much time with my dad, because I thought I had to. I always thought that I had to be good for my dad, because I was the only thing he had in life. If things did not go his way, he could get really aggressive. Up this day, Im not able to form a relationship, the thought of being intimate with someone makes me panicking. So people who say this does not exist or is even positive, have no idea how horrible it is, when youre the victim!

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  15.   torn says:
    Posted: 02 Apr 08

    I don't think the article is weird. The reality is it happens. There is nothing wrong with having a close relationship with your children, but there is a line that is crossed when a father cuddles up in bed with his daughter instead of his partner, and constantly looks over his shoulder to see if his daughter will get upset when he is affectionate to his partner.

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  16.   kvedder says:
    Posted: 06 Feb 08

    This is not about being close to children! This is emotional abuse because the parent is dumping on their kid, and using them for the type of emotional support that isn't a childs place to have to fill! A healthy parent is close by letting their child turn to them for emotional security not vice versa, anyone finding this acceptable better check themselves!

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  17.   dee says:
    Posted: 12 Dec 07

    database... Thank God that there are still some adults who have a close relationship with their parents. Also, this does not necessarily mean that the parent/adult child will have some type of emotional incestious relationship. That closeness will be needed as a parent ages...what do I mean? The closer one feels to their parents the more likely that adult child will help provide for his or her aged parents...we will not be young and healthy for forever.

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  18.   cocokisses says:
    Posted: 25 Oct 07

    weird...the whole article is just weird...

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  19.   database says:
    Posted: 25 Oct 07

    the major problems with black men today is emotional attachment to mother, who as in this case do not realize they are practicing it; rap music is audio debasement of mother, nothing less all black women subsequentially become mother, who must be debased all part of " racial oedipus complex"

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  20.   TriChique says:
    Posted: 04 Oct 07

    Yes I have heard of this too many times. Didn't think of it as emotional incest, but I knew the parents were out of line and crossing the line.

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  21.   cocokisses says:
    Posted: 01 Oct 07

    LOL@ Fala! I hear ya!

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  22.   fala says:
    Posted: 01 Oct 07

    This is precisely why I have dogs instead of children.

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  23.   outpass35 says:
    Posted: 30 Sep 07

    Yes I can relate to this my mom was a single woman with 4 girls and seem like every men that came into her life she ran them off she did want anyone to get attach to us she met my step dad about 10 years ago and he was the best I am the babygirl of the bunch and for some reason we were close she did not like that so when they got into a fight she would expect me to take side or she would get mad, And say he not your step dad, I told her one day you been with him for 10 years i really doesn't matter he died last year Sept 1 2006 in my truck after the funeral she still talked ill of him even though he was dead she wanted me to take side I sided with the best friend I knew my dad. It is funny I told someone as a child she did this and as an adult she still try I have three sons and divorce they are 14, 14, 10 my marriage to their dad that was white was bad she once told me how could you stand to let those boys around him, I wouldn't never let them near him. I told her until they are old enough to make their own mind up I am not going to say anything bad about their dad and neither are you. I am raising men proper men and I for sure don't want them hatng their mom because she was bitter toward their dad.

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  24.   cocokisses says:
    Posted: 28 Sep 07

    I'm sorry, but I don't agree with Ria on this one. Calling this incest is insane. A parent can be emotionally attached to their child, but this is not, and should not be called incest in any way, shape or form. You can be emotionally attached or even extremely protective, but incest? That's a bit ridiculous! A father can absolutely adore his daughter in a healthy way. A mom can think her son walks on water and it's okay. They love their kids, and are not physically harming them. I am very interested in knowing if you have kids Ria. If you did, you'd know that something as dirty, unhealthy and morally wrong is what incest is. Needing to be with your child or even being overprotective of your child is not.

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  25.   mossimo says:
    Posted: 27 Sep 07

    What a horrible situation! I can't fathom this being done to a child.

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  26.   CleverChaos says:
    Posted: 27 Sep 07

    I cannot believe that there are people out there who are that emotionally crippled. I have kids and I would/could NEVER put them in such a position. That's horrible! Why would anyone make a child pay for their failed relationships? And as these parents whine and complain about the ex to the kid, they need to realize this weak-minded crap is probably the reason they're now alone. This is mental child abuse as well as emotional incest. We are supposed to be there for our kids emotionally--not the other way around. Growing up with these types of problems in the home is usually what makes kids snap and become suicidal or develop behavioral problems. NO child should bear such burden--they should be busy being carefree, being kids.

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