Do people date interracially to prove a point?

Posted by Ria, 29 Jul 10

Do people date interracially to prove a pointStudies show that in interracial relationships, “racial minorities seek to be respected and seen as competent more than Whites do, whereas Whites seek to be liked and seen as moral more than racial minorities do.” Apparently this is because of representations of whites as racist and racial minorities as “unintelligent” (not my words). This conclusion was arrived at after analyzing self-report responses and behaviors, and observing pre-existing relationships and live interracial interactions.

Do you think subconsciously, people get into interracial relationships as a way of coping with the notions that society has of their races?

22 responses to "Do people date interracially to prove a point?"

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  1.   Chriss89 says:
    Posted: 17 Sep 10

    Dating interracially to prove a point happens, but I don't think it would last long. Mostly because, inherently, that person isn't really attracted to that person's ethnicity and is purely doing it to prove a point, but then again some people will go a thousand miles just to come across as correct too.I mean, you not only see it in interracial dating but in interracial adoption as well. Sadly, some people will invest time and "care" in another race just to merely seem "righteous" or "politically/socially correct". But these people are very shallow and easy to spot if your eyes are truly open. You don't want to date these kind of people. When I first started dating my ex BF race was a blind concept to me, in that I barely noticed he was white and I was black. It really didn't even occur to me until finally we went out one day and people were staring at us. Even then, I had to laugh at their shock--I mean, really? We don't have two heads or anything. He's white, I'm black...your point? Anyway, it happens on both sides but these people shouldn't speak for those that truly are interested in a person beyond physical appearances.

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  2.   Sandra says:
    Posted: 17 Aug 10

    As i black woman, i find white men more gentle and calm than my black brothers( no offense). its my personal experience , am calm and gentle. thanks

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  3. Posted: 16 Aug 10

    i have 2 agree with MichaelDamon. Plus lets not 4get usually very voluptuous breasts. i remember when we were required 2 take a wine class every Wednesday nite at a restaurant. the manager named Christopher made the statement, "No one can tell u what u like." which is so true. i find that women of color who date white men, men not whiggers are more educated, take better care of their physical and mental selves aka more intelligent and speak in proper english and complete sentences. i don't need 2 break out the hook on ebonics dictionaries 2 understand what they're saying. But that's getting off of the point a bit. But it says i'm going 2 like, or love, whoever i so desire, no matter what society thinks. I mean white women have been dating black men as long as i can remember. i mean usually everytime u see a black athlete he's got his white eye candy on his arm. besides look at all the time and money and save on tanning salons and the beach. white women waste millions of dollars to get what women of color have naturally.lol

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  4.   salsera77 says:
    Posted: 14 Aug 10

    Well, THat's blunt and to the point, MD. Now, tell us how you REALLY feel. lol. I agree with you, Liza. This is an interesting topic and it's good to see the men respond.

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  5. Posted: 13 Aug 10

    Well, for me, it's physical. Pure and simple. I love that dark skin, and I love that thick hair and those full lips. As with anyone, if you want me to love you for something besides the physical, give me something else to work with.

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  6.   Max says:
    Posted: 11 Aug 10

    I do not think the article applies to me. I have always preferred Black women. I suppose it is the fascination with a difernet culture of life from my own and an inexplicable attraction. There have been white women in my life however at this stage I am more adventurous. However it is interesting how many motivations people have for interacial dating. My ex-wife exclusively dated white men due to experiences she had with balck men and the lifestyle she was accustomed to while growing up. her choice I am certain was based on a decision made to avoid the black and therefore I felt like a handy alternative. Where I live in the deep South, there are few interracial relationships that I see publicly. Old world seregated attitudes dominate and when my AA girlfriends visit we drive to more tolerant communities or seclude ourselves. In larger cities like New Orleans where I am from, race is not very much of a polarizing issue. We just feel comfortable there and are good company.

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  7.   liza says:
    Posted: 10 Aug 10

    Excellent topic and excellent points. It was good to hear a lot of men speak on the topic.

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  8.   simple75 says:
    Posted: 09 Aug 10

    Never seen so many mind readers in my life. Everybody is Jean Grey and Professor X up in here. Black men only want a blonde trophy White men are noble and want to make a social point White women want to rebel Black women are revenge dating The truth of the matter is no one knows why someone is dating someone else. I could say that anyone of you that has posted in this topic is only dating outside of your race because of a fetish. That doesnt make it fact. Only you and your lover know for sure why youre together. Now, put down the stereotypes and back away from the keyboard.

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  9.   CandaianGC says:
    Posted: 09 Aug 10

    Thank god somebody finally explained why I date interracially all my life.. joke People find racism and other factors when they are not there........

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  10.   Jiaelin says:
    Posted: 09 Aug 10

    there r many individuals who do date black women for reasons other than that womans beauty and chatacter traits. yes it is insane to waste ones life to prove a point. i c it often with ww and bm. the ww seem to b very threatened by feminine attractive women of color n will actually stop in front of me as im walkn to kiss or hug their bm as if i really care seeing as tho i dont date bm. instead of loving their partner for who they r. there r many racist and colorist wm in this site claiming they love bw, yes do b careful ladies, there r sum good guys on this, havent come across any genuine men as of yet but do make urselves aware that abusers and predators come in all shades. always trust ur instinct, never allow anyone or anything to talk u out of what u feel.

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  11.   JackPA says:
    Posted: 07 Aug 10

    I have dated black women since I was a teenager and always looked at them as equal to white women. Black women always desired the same things white women wanted....to be loved, respected, to be monogomous with their partner, and value trust. I never dated "out" to prove a point or to save the world.

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  12. Posted: 03 Aug 10

    Nah, I don't think we do it to make a point. Maybe, some black men might like a trophy blonde wife for status initially but that sort of thing doesn't last. Only true love lasts. As a white man who has dated - I don't know - 6 or 7? - black women since 1985 I'm certainly not trying to prove anything to anybody. I'm not exclusive - my last g/f was white - but there is just something about black women I like. I think it all started with Lt Uhura from Star Trek. :-) And Storm from the X-Men. It's a two-way thing of course, black women seem to find me more attractive than white women. Again, no idea why. I get the distinct impression that Euros are generally more relaxed about interracial dating than Americans. I didn't see many mixed race couples in NYC when I was there was for two weeks and an American man I used to know, and a liberal too, admitted to being quite shocked by the number of mixed race couple he saw in London.

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  13.   lagbaja61 says:
    Posted: 03 Aug 10

    That racism apart, I think from the white perspective in some cases the study is true. Some whites I suspect do date interracially to gain some sort of badge of honour,for reasons ranging from reflected 'cool', to trying to show how in tune they are with minorities. They treat minorities as some sort of cute 'pet' or fashion accessory. They really are very very racist in their own way - watch out for them ladies. They are very easy to tell because they are very shallow and insincere never miss and opportunity to shoehorn into any conversation the fact they are in an interracial relationship, and go out of their way to read racism into everything and be righteously outraged as they feel they ought to be. Usually their mask slips when they make crass statements like 'I don't like that my wife is Jamaican' - missing the point that if racism truly offended them, it wouldn't matter where their wife came from. They talk the talk but don't walk the walk though. They want to be seen to be getting down with minorities, but don't want them TOO close. Invariably they will live in mainly white areas, send their kids to predominantly white schools, and when challenged about why they don't live in a more multicultural area, (there are plenty of lovely multicultural areas here) they will soon wheedle out the lame excuses. The last Labour government here was riddled with people like this. I have a friend of a friend who is a total idiot whose wife is from Trinidad, which he never fails to mention, and that makes him all Trini as well, including, bizarrely, travelling to Germany to support Trinidad against his own country (England) in a football match. What a turkey. I suspect his main reason for marriage was her ethnicity, he's from a 100% white middle class upbringing and still lives that way - I honestly think she's his novelty pet. It's perfectly OK to love someone and have differences, in fact positively embrace them. I have dated many Nigerian ladies all of whom would have thought it downright weird and possibly patronising had I supported Nigeria over England. I think many people of all races make racially motivated decisions, some are mild like choice of partner, school, neighbourhood, Presidential candidate. But I really would take care ladies and gentlemen to ensure if you take a white partner, they are genuine and not doing it for some sort of kudos. Because I think that's quite serious racism on their part, and very hollow and insincere.

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  14.   camerong says:
    Posted: 03 Aug 10

    mmmhhhhmmmm........i could see those scenarios being true, and many other scenarios of why ppl date interracially but i think those are special cases, ive heard BW say that WM treat them better, WM want to piss off dad by being with BM, blah blah blah, those are all ignorant reasons, and actually i think if there is a specific reason for dating interacially than you probably shouldnt be, because it is tougher than other relationships, you get discriminated against, rude comments in public, stares, family and friends have something to say, so on and so on, i treat all ppl equally but that is something i have in my soul, i am physically more attracted to black women and thats it, which is not to say that i wouldnt date white women or asian or hispanic, its just preference, other than that every human is different as far as intelligence, personality, and soul, so thats personally why i do, and the fact is we are all human and social divisions will limit meeting some really good souls throughout the world or your local community, open your mind and your spirit

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  15.   salsera77 says:
    Posted: 01 Aug 10

    I think it would be silly to date interracially just to prove a point. That sounds like something an immature person would do. Again we are back to, why would anyone care what anyone thinks about their personal love relationship? If craving and inviting public voyeurism to somehow change society is what the relationship is going to be based on then don't expect said relationship to last. I certainly wouldn't want anyone dating me for that reason. What happened to love, common goals and all that other good stuff in an interracial relationship?

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  16.   tina3219 says:
    Posted: 01 Aug 10

    I do not know if they do or not. I know I do not.

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  17.   rarestgold says:
    Posted: 31 Jul 10

    Not at all - I think people as a whole are just more open to interracial relationships. Or as I like to say "Leaving all their options open". I really believe that most(and I do use the word most) people are looking for someone to love them and treat them the way they want to be treated and have opened up to the idea that maybe someone of another race could give them what they haven't been able to find. So maybe it is to prove a point - the point that they can find love with any race.

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  18.   BrownClown says:
    Posted: 30 Jul 10

    Seems possible that some 'racial minorities' would date whites in part to elevate their status in society, gain access to circles otherwise difficult to access and thereby enjoy a higher level of respect. I also know whites who seems to brag about their interracial relationship as a way of proving their willingness to identify with black causes. I think it probably is rarely the main reason a person dates interracially.

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  19.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 30 Jul 10

    People do all kinds of things for crazy reasons and that includes IR dating. I've said time and time again only the individual knows why they do what they do. I've heard some crazy ones over the years and here's a few: BM says, "I date white WM as a way of pissing of WM and saying to BW, "HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW"! WW says, "I date BM to piss of my stuck up ass parents"! WM said he dated BW because they made him feel powerful. I went to high school with a BG that was so hateful of her dark skin she only dated WM or HM in hopes of having a light skinned child so she could prove that no matter how black she was somebody white or hispanic wanted her, she told this to my girlfriend at the time. I had an Asian friend who dated BW women so he could prove how down he was with the fellas. When I was in high school you where considered the sh*t if you were seen being driven around the hood by a WG from out in the suburbs in her father's BMW or Benz. I could go on and on but I'm sure some people get off into IR relationships as a way of trying to make a statement or live up/down some crazy societal notion. Hey, it is what it is!

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  20.   Fadedsuede says:
    Posted: 30 Jul 10

    Of course my opinion may seem biased (since Im a white male), but I cant see a white man publicly dating or marrying a black woman to "prove" he isnt a racist. If anything, I could see a white man being with a black woman to prove he isnt intimidated by social norms/expectations to be with a white woman.

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  21.   WHURR says:
    Posted: 30 Jul 10

    Who am I to argue with this research? Is this me? LOL...hell naw! My brain kicked in one day and said 'Dang, that sexy chocolate woman over there is so incredibly beautiful..thank you God!" Before I was attracted to black women I was buried in Playboys staring at Anna Nicole Smith and Pamela Anderson. So, whatever the 'docs' say is my dilemma, I will accept my punishment for finding black women extremely beautiful. Now for the serious WHURR.... Two of the doctors involved in this survey are really lifelong interracial relationship (work and love) specialists. One of them, J. Nicole Shelton, has been studying the effects of interracial workplace relationships for years. She is mainly interested in those that are the 'actual targets' for racism and discrimination. She is an African-American woman. Dr. Richeson, possibly is still teaching at Northwestern and she has a bevy of classes on actual interpersonal communciations between not just races, but socio-economic classes,a nd gender situations. I have seen her talk at some conferences dealing with school relations between teacher-students. She does a lot of work around anyone who can possibly be classified and abused for the label. She is also African-American. The final doctor involved is actually massively strung out on research regarding her German descent. I'm not going to argue this one! It said the studies weren't just theory but actual live observations. Just remember, before we all start screaming and yelling , that we are looking through the 'rosy glasses of love-struck' people! WHOOSHHHHH...that was my one intelligent post per month...back to being the 'ignant fool'

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  22.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 29 Jul 10

    We came to this site seeking Love / Other peoples thoughts remain their own . Did knot ask anyone for permission to find a wife / parents died years ago and they were the only ones who formed my Honest Lifestyle that I may have asked for their Blessing . I wood knot tell anyone else who they should or should not marry / Being grown individuals , we made our own Decisions . Seems like a Personal choice / who one marries or Dates .

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