Does sex for one amount to betrayal?

Posted by Ria, 20 Mar 09

I believe masturbation is a normal part of a couple’s sex life … most at least. And if you are not into it, your better other is ;-) .

When a spouse engages in ‘solo sex’, some of us feel like they are taking something away from us. One woman in explaining her objection to the boyfriend said, “All your sexual energy and your sexual release belong to me.” And in a bid to make her see how ridiculous her claim sounded, he told her that ALL her vaginal secretions belong to her.

One thing I must admit is that once in a while, I like to indulge in some ‘sex with me’. However, the day I caught my boyfriend doing it, I felt betrayed. Selfish huh? I just can’t explain why I felt so strongly that I should be the sole object of his desire when I too masturbate. Maybe its fear that I may not be the object of his masturbation fantasy. Maybe it makes me feel I am not enough for him.

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Is there anything wrong with having a healthy sex life and indulging in masturbation (and the fantasies)? Does masturbation amount to betrayal in a relationship? How do you deal with a spouse who feels betrayed by this?

29 responses to "Does sex for one amount to betrayal?"

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  1.   Member says:
    Posted: 25 Sep 09

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  2.   Member says:
    Posted: 01 Sep 09

    Cool site, love the info.

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  3.   lipnic says:
    Posted: 29 May 09

    I don't see what the big deal is.. little boys and girls have been dong it forEVER.. until our parents told us don't do it.. then we would secretly hide it.. WTH! As a woman i don't think anything is wrong with it... release is release and safer these days... sure I would love to have someone to ease the ache but what's a girl to do? I tell you we can't win! We are either a ho or a freak if we do... who cares...? If u can't understand then find someone who is on the same page with you.. Stop judging people so much.. and I think these little girls now days should be satisfying themselves more then at preschool or elementary selling there a** to some young cute boy who's going to crush them.. and move on... she need to go home take care of the biz and tell oh boy to get lost...this world is so full of sex, songs. movies, commercials.. what's a youngster to do?? I always wondered why God allowed such feelings to exist so soon. If i was him I would have had it where we didn't like each other until we were out of high school.. I'm just saying... life would be so much easier...fewer babies Having babies, less deceases and so forth and so on... trust me, if I ever see God, I'm going to ask him.."With all due respect, what were you thinking?" in my most humblist voice... :)

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  4.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 02 Apr 09

    tiffanylove ; sit beside him and Enjoy

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  5.   pegisus says:
    Posted: 02 Apr 09

    yes it's better than o.k execpt when she want it right now

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  6.   tiffanylove says:
    Posted: 29 Mar 09

    When I was younger I felt so differently than I do now.I used to feel a bit of jelousy never betryal. Now I feel like it's a very normal part of a healthy sex life. The only drawback of your partner engaging in masterbation is that we dont get to watch lol.

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  7.   Javan2 says:
    Posted: 28 Mar 09

    Looks like Tinkerbell90 is gonna be alone for a minute and I mean one of those 20 to 30 year minutes.

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  8.   Javan2 says:
    Posted: 28 Mar 09

    This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. How would you even know that he's masterbating? I don't even know why he'd tell you about it. If he needed some and you were home, he should "tap dat ass" but if you're not home and he needs some, how would you even know about it. If he tells you he's doing that, that's stupid. If you were my lady, you'd never know about it.

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  9.   wmemark09 says:
    Posted: 27 Mar 09

    Maturbation is just like anything else too much of it can become abuse. Abuse is never healthy but if two people are honest and open with one another about their sexual preferences and what turns them on or off for that matter yes it can be enjoyed by both. Sometimes we are selfish when it comes to sex we like what we like and do not want the other person to intrude upon that. That is one sided and eventually will cause a problem. Most reasons people cheat men and women is because many of their inhabitions are inside the bedroom and the partner doesn't fulfill them. That is why honesty and open communication about your fears and likes and dislikes is imperative to begin and sustain a healthy loving and intimate relationship.

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  10.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 27 Mar 09

    Other than - to sit , relax in Private

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  11.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 27 Mar 09

    What else are Toilets for ?

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  12.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 27 Mar 09

    May God Bless You , tinkerbell90 / Sex is to Celebrate Marriage

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  13.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 27 Mar 09

    It's all in your mind ; Enjoy Life

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  14.   wildrusian says:
    Posted: 27 Mar 09

    masturbation is healthy, nothing wrong with it. Anyhow, many do feel betrayed by it, and it seems to me that the sole reason to that is their own insecurities. Still, "sex with yourself" is not a bad thing... it is actually helpful. Rarely do couples actually live out ALL their sex fantasies together. Not all women/men are as open to telling their significant other what exactly they want, and many times, their bf/gf may just not be able to fulfill this fantasy. we are all human though, so fantasies continue to exist. we always desire what we do not have. and ur husband's possible fantasy of sex with a stripper may just be that, and does not necessarily mean u are not enough for him. The solution to the problem of "betrayal" feeling is rather simple: u just have to do a few things. 1. u gotta realize that a fantasy is just that, and it is no threat to the relationship. (unless u can't trust ur man, but that's another issue) 2. admit to urself the fact that u have fantasies about other men too, and be okay with it. Sexual fantasies are great because they provide the release for what we want to do but can't. And it is certainly better than cheating. In fact, it may actually help prevent it from happening.

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  15. Posted: 27 Mar 09

    I would let my man do it. Thats his only option because i wont put out till I'm married.

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  16.   khoffy says:
    Posted: 27 Mar 09

    opium00 IS SOOO RIGHT IS A STRESS RELIEF MOSTLY WITH ME, AN WITH A PARTNER IS THERE ANY MORE TURNON THAN LAYING SIDE BY SIDE AN DOING THE NASTY, DON,T THINK SO! HEHE..

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  17.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 26 Mar 09

    homesteader you are out of control ! LOL

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  18.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 25 Mar 09

    I Watch way to many Bond Les Bond 009 flicks , sometimes it gets out of hand , Hehe .

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  19.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 25 Mar 09

    Masturbation Magnificent Marvelous ; The thoughts are of my Ladie / She will be home for dinner . She will always be the source of Our Pleasure , But darn the luck she may need a Rest as March has 31 days . Hehe . But you are a 00 !

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  20.   opium00 says:
    Posted: 25 Mar 09

    MASTURBATION IS GREAT

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  21.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 23 Mar 09

    Yes Clean Hands are Safer Sex

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  22.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 23 Mar 09

    Solo sex is not betrayal!!! Masturbation has it's good points but just like anything that brings pleasure, it's not to be abused. I think some women don't like for their men to masturbate because they want to be the source of his pleasure. If a women is insecure she may start to feel that she's not needed. Sometimes people want a sexual release without all of the formalities of involving their mate. Think about it, if it's over in 5 minutes, who's disappointed? If it turns into a marathon session, no one will start asking can I put my legs down? LOL It can work out for both if you have the right attitude. Wash your hands before and after!!!!!

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  23.   Yankee0923 says:
    Posted: 21 Mar 09

    I feel mastubation is healthy and necessary. I have indulged in solo sex since puberty. When I met my last SO, we talked endlessly on the subject. We both enjoyed it,alone, over the phone,,,and in person. Once I moved in with him,after a year of dating,, I found out a horrible truth, he preferred it over actually having sex with me,,,,, (I am tall,attractive,slender,sexy and uninhabited) He had become so conditioned to solo sex, that he had a hard time getting in the mood when I was ready and willing. This put a wedge in our relationship. He couldnt understand why I felt betrayed, and I couldnt understand why he wanted his hand when I would have been more than willing to either watch, or take part in to encourage his fantasy. Even though its self gratification, it can be enjoyed by both in a on going relationship. I feel men and women should be honest with themselves, and their partners,about their feelings and participation in solo sex. Most women who enjoys sex will find watching or being watched a huge turn-on....

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  24.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 21 Mar 09

    If you shake it more than twice after use Sing restroom you are playing with yourself , Show me a man who says he never did / I will introduce you to a Liar . Hehe

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  25. Posted: 20 Mar 09

    I think all of us do it sometime in our lifes and probably those who are honest keep up the practice untill we can't. I enjoy watching my spouse doit alone and the same with her. We do let each other in on our secret lover in our mind so the other can have the same experence. Why condem something that is as natural as breathing.

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  26.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 20 Mar 09

    Magnificent , Splendidly Marvelous Sex is all in ones own Mind . Can't you see ?

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  27.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 20 Mar 09

    NOW YOU WENT AND DONE IT . GOT ME TALKING TO THE WORLD about Private affairs of the Heart . Ria , you are a vixen , to have Lured me to bite the Apple of Life . Hehe . You Go Girl .

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  28.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 20 Mar 09

    Ria , as we write these words / is that not a form of Oral sex as we are just talking about it ? LOL

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  29.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 20 Mar 09

    I imagine it will be Safe Sex if you wash your Hands

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