Essence bashed for having an interracial dater on their cover

Posted by Ria, 11 Jan 10

The February cover of Essence Magazine reads: Black Men, Love & Relationships Issue; the cover model: NFL's Reggie Bush. However, people seem to be having issues with him as the cover model because Essence is a magazine geared towards Black women and Reggie is dating Kim Kardashian – a non-black woman. And the comments on the Essence.com boards say it all.

According to a BET Blog, one commenter says: "Why put a man who clearly prefers the bottom of the barrel of white women than a good black woman on your cover? Clearly, he has no love for the sisters. This magazine is supposed to empower black women not remind us of the disadvantages that we face in today's society. Please don't insult our intelligence."

Focus people! The focus of this issue is: Celebrating Black love. Reggie Bush is a Black man who is in a committed interracial relationship. He is a Black and in love. Tell me why he shouldn’t be on the cover of this magazine again… :roll:

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78 responses to "Essence bashed for having an interracial dater on their cover"

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  1. Posted: 19 Jul 10

    I am a reader of Essence sometimes. Since I support IR relationships, I would be a "bigot" if I was commented negatively about Reggie Bush because he was seeing Kim (I think that relationship is over now). I think Essence did have an article about IR relationships. We shouldn't confuse Reggie with the individuals in this forum who bash BW. Just because he dated Kim that doesn't mean he hates BW. My cousin dated BW exclusively but fell in love and married an ItalianIndian mixed girl. It is his first and only IR relationship. He doesn't hate BW. He just found his match in a woman of another ethnicity and she is great.

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  2.   JustSinging says:
    Posted: 10 Jul 10

    I think they should have put Halle Berry's husband on the cover. He is much better looking and is in love with and loved by a Black woman.

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  3. Posted: 06 Apr 10

    After reading some of the comments black men made about why they don't like black women one keeps coming up is bad attitude/combative it makes me wonder whether these men grew up in the inner city single parent home were women were in charge and had to be dominate? Also I was under the impression Reggie Bush was chosen for the cover because he has a nice body since Essence isn't a dating or match making magazine.

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  4.   shotgun007 says:
    Posted: 03 Apr 10

    I would like to send a High5 to "Thickness"** " petitensweet"***and "Lvly83". Well spoken ladies! Shotgun

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  5.   shotgun007 says:
    Posted: 03 Apr 10

    I would have to say the very subject of this article is WHY I no longer subscribe to Essence. Im not clear on why an esteemed magazine like Essence would allow this article into the final print?!! Occasionally Essence reports "buffoonery" comments and broadcast them as some sort of deranged mass viewpoint of all black women. .. In my opinion, this does more harm than good. And Im not kicking up dust here, folks, but we cannot overlook the sour images that have been painted of BW and yes some even perpetuated by magazines like Essence. One should ask this question: For those few silly comments from those few disgruntled women (identities/race sealed), can we really look to those comments and draw a final conclusion on BWs feelings toward seeing a Football Player on a magazine?????!!!! PPS. I've said this often on this board, we have too many "non-subscribing" insecure TROLL on this board....sad! Its almost becoming like YouTube (fake profile planet). Take Care everyone, Shotgun007...out!

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  6.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 16 Mar 10

    Well put Ms. Wonderful. Minding my own takes up a lot of time. LOL

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  7. Posted: 16 Mar 10

    I don't care about who dates what and when. Why or even how they got together. I'm too busy with my own personal life to care. Besides, I don't even bother to read Essence, it's full of angry posters. Being angry takes way too much energy and that's coming from a black woman.

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  8.   phatkitty says:
    Posted: 14 Mar 10

    @tyrone: So tell me this, there are no FAT ww, no Argumentative ww, no LOUD ww, no BABY MOMMA ww, no SLICK as you put it ww, no GOLDIGGING ww, THIS IS 100% bull$H!t. I see them everyday. Everybody knows most ww are marrying or have married professional blk athletes because they dont want to work, and when they divorce they take the blk skin off their backs and have kids they know they dont even want, they just want child support for 18yrs, but still, we blk women still manage to be the bad,evil ones who dont deserve love, care attention a good life; basically everything a ww is seeking. News flash, whatever you think we are YOU are as well, you have the same blk blood coursing thru ur veins we are your counterparts, your other half, your sisters in this unyeilding world. The same ish, u go thru the same ish we go thru. When you have a effed up day because someone judged you on how you look, and you go home to your ww, and vent your anger to her, does she even understand what you're dealing with and does she have your back no matter what. Tyrone, being with a ww doesnt desolve your blackness, it makes you more aware of who you are. Stop hiding behind ww tails and be a real man. HEY 'YALL ,SOMEBODY BETTER CALL TYRONE, BACK TO REALITY.

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  9.   phatkitty says:
    Posted: 14 Mar 10

    Reggie Bush sucks! He's not even a top of the line runningback boo! But i do like Kim.

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  10.   hallyustar says:
    Posted: 12 Feb 10

    Reggie bush is sexy and thats all the reason they need to put him on the cover. Plus.. Kim isn't just your avergage "white woman." She's is ridiculously gorgeous! and isnt she armenian?

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  11.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 09 Feb 10

    in 10 the New Year / I can only speak for Personal Change and Observations , We have seen . Our visable change in the eyes of the Public has Impressed many we meet continually . My physical and Monetary equations indeed have not Changed / I either spend all I make or make all I spend . The Difference in Our lives is Due to the Pleasant Attitudes of the people we meet on the street in Southeastern Texas towns . Change comes from within / getting up a little early to travel to work in case one has a flat tire . A Smile instead of a Frown will impress more people . Power comes from a Positive way of thinking / acting Negative will draw a similiar reaction .

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  12. Posted: 09 Feb 10

    I don't get some of the comments here - From what I understand the RB dissenters aren't saying he can't date whomever he chooses: They're saying please choose images on MY mag that offer ME support and positive reflection. People invoke the date & year like those numbers have powers: Magically negating attitudes that still divide. So what if it's 2010?? The new millenium hasn't changed certain things: Heavy people, poorer people, those with "less ideal" features are still lower on the social scale going by who they can attract and what behaviors they can negotiate all other things being equal. Same is true for many dark skinned black women: Some dismiss the statistics that place black women as most likely to be single even if we're any combo of employed, slender, childless etc. I don't - I'm living it and I know too many other black women who are as well. I hear these female Essence readers as saying: Look, dude is getting and GIVING plenty of support to a different group of people. We're paying for this party - Can the major players PLEASE be those who support US and reflect well on US? After all, we're the main audience in this particular arena! For my money, those dissenters have a right to make that request. Please let us (and those who support us) be first HERE on the cover of this, OUR magazine. The other stages are overwhelmingly spotlighting other folks. -------------------------------------- About Ria's comments or choice of topics: If I disagree or find them exaggerated, I appreciate hearing which people DO agree or seem to find them accurate. I also appreciate the chance to dissent.

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  13.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 08 Feb 10

    The Saints did win / So did my wife and I by being members of this site

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  14. Posted: 08 Feb 10

    Here are the facts that make people insecure of African American women and white men: 1.African American women make more money than white women! (statistical fact) 2.White men are great lovers, far superior to all other ethnicities of men. White men are not small, anyone who says they are is lying! 3. African-American women are not gold diggers, they earn 60% or more of family income 4.We are beautifully educated, earning 70% of college degrees awarded to African Americans each year. 5. In general, African American women find White men very handsome, and courteous. 6. African American women have naturally round feminine curves that all men love. 7.So guess what, we're don't care about Reggie Bush, or Tiger Woods. 8. We do care about Chris Noth the sexiest man alive who is married to an African American woman. We care about Barack Obama the most powerful man in the world with a white mother, who chose an African American women with a superior education, to be his mate. 9. Halle Berry the world's most beautiful woman chose a white man as her mate and she's incredibly happy. 10. I plan to follow the yellow brick road

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  15.   pumpkin22 says:
    Posted: 06 Feb 10

    @Bri When any human being finds love and happiness in this world, that's a good thing. And I personally don't begrudge them that. At the same time, if Essence magazine's mission is meant to be supportive of black women, then it makes sense that the people featured in it would share a love for black women. And I agree with you that a major reason for black womens' discomfort is the tendency of SOME black men to bash black women while they chase white. This morning the term "cognitive dissonance" popped into my head. This basically means that when we do something that goes against our consciences, we experience an internal conflict. The choice then becomes to either change the behavior, which is rewarding to us, or somehow manipulate our minds so that our questionable behavior becomes justified. This mental trick has been and continues to be utilized on a mass scale whenever peoples or individuals seek to subjugate others. Deny their humanity. Paint them in such a way so they seem to deserve what they get. I think that SOME black men actually do feel guilty for internalizing the white ideal. So in order to justify their behaviors, they have this need to dehumanize black women. And it serves a dual purpose. Like many men, many black men are territorial when it comes to 'their' women. So putting down black women not only makes themselves feel better about themselves but they also hope that our collective image will suffer so that we won't be selected by other men. I also know that there are black men reading this who while attracted to white women and others, don't feel a need to bash black women. I wish you happiness in your choice.

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  16.   thickness says:
    Posted: 06 Feb 10

    Well Kardashians can have BM cause they are too much of a liability. Most BW are more educated and financially secure than the average BM. Black men also refuse to commit. What bothers BW is the fact that BM dont value their women as other races of men do. So naturally we are offended by the self hatred directed at us. We are told yor skin is too dark, hair too nappy. Please stop saying you dont understand, because you CANNOT understand. BW are treated as bottom of the barrel and BM do not show BW love and security. Now Reggie Bush should not be on the cover because this magazine is geared toward BW which he simply does not represent what love to BW is. So IR do not bother BW it is the reasoning behind BM choices. And if Kalin wants to generalize ALl black women, let me ask you this, Are all Black men gay/down low, uneducated, in jail, pants sagging, bad credit, thugs, or players? Kardashians next show should be, How to marry a rich dumb athlete AND get PAID! How any man can be with someone/KIM known across the world for screwing a man.Ray J on video is beyond me. Slobbing slobbing.lol But Kim is pretty and curvy like a Black Woman!!

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  17.   rarestgold says:
    Posted: 06 Feb 10

    @WHURR you are too funny -

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  18.   pumpkin22 says:
    Posted: 06 Feb 10

    @Kalin(Tyrone?), I read your list and think of how my boyfriend sees me and how I see myself. I think of good friends and what wonderful, heartful people they are. Your stereotypes don't fit us at all. I wonder what has hurt you badly that you desire that all black women continue to suffer under unfair stereotypes.

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  19.   Snazzybella says:
    Posted: 03 Feb 10

    @whurr I think I just puked a little at that image. THANK YOU, I ate too much cake anyway.

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  20.   Snazzybella says:
    Posted: 03 Feb 10

    I am beyond tired of people(blacks) classifying what is acceptable as far as being black. Essence is not a maggie that I would even buy. FYI in case you do not notice the picture. I am a BLACK WOMAN. It was actually Forbes and Vanity Fair that helped my life. The Wall Street Journal is a oldie but goodie. The money I earn is green, wow... to my surprise its not black!! Who cares who some dumb jock is dating? I certainly do not. Its more like wheeeeeeeeeewww glad its not me. I do not place limits on myself by making sure everything is geared toward "my blackness" Leave the ball playing idiot alone.

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  21.   WHURR says:
    Posted: 02 Feb 10

    Heyy... they photoshopped Reggie's head on my body...isn't that illegal?

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  22.   oldschool56 says:
    Posted: 02 Feb 10

    @kalin, As do a lot of white women..where do you get off..black women attract plenty of men. I wish people would get off the fact that because some of us happen to voice our opinions and stand by them we are called aggressive and dramatic. Maybe that is why YOU kalin cant get a man but that doesnt include all black women. You and Ria should start a partnership and have your own site together, Im sure there are enough haters out there where you can have a good forum going. Why would you come here to sprout off that junk? But, there always have to be one or two who have the internet to hide behind to say things that in public would get the taste slapped out of their mouth....lololol

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  23.   yankee0923 says:
    Posted: 02 Feb 10

    The topic is not whether we should or shouldnt date interracially. But the fact of the matter is the magazine is geared towards the enhancement of the black woman. Reggie,(love that body)Bush has little to offer the black woman, other then a reminder tht our brothas dont see us in the same light, or love as the with woman. As a black woman who dates interracially, I wouldnt expect to be on the cover of a popular black men magazine. He has clearly made his choice, which is fine, it doent have to be rubbed in the face of the black woman.

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  24.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 01 Feb 10

    @ horton - I can relate to what you're saying. As a BM that's married to a WW I've been accused of being a hater of my own ethnic group because of who I married. I guess it's no different than how WW are called some horrible names for dating non WM. Despite it being the year 2010 and the country having a BM for president, people and their feelings will not change as fast as we'd like them to and as a result you can only live your life and leave others alone to do the same.

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  25.   Callia says:
    Posted: 31 Jan 10

    @ At Kalin/ Tyrone = BEDROCK Yeah I see your very intelligent, enough to post two comments under different names against black women using almost the same format. (duh) Clearly, you are a very insecure BM.

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  26.   deann says:
    Posted: 31 Jan 10

    Tyrone or Tyra(R) everything you mentioned can be applied to other race women.

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  27.   deann says:
    Posted: 31 Jan 10

    @ Tyrone, If that is a man. Remember you also included your Mother, Grandmother and sisters. Case closed. Ms. R. you are still a mess maker, enjoying yourself?

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  28.   WHURR says:
    Posted: 30 Jan 10

    I'm trying to Google NUDE PHOTOS KIM KARDASIAN so I can study for a comment to this blog. Hmmmm... So far ...no comments

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  29.   horton says:
    Posted: 29 Jan 10

    race is a social construct to keep folks in line aside from that!!!!obamas mother is white ..she raised a pretty good black man huh for a black woman michelle dont seem to complain..should he be made to love and honor his mother and be forced to marry white..or do whitee woman get no respect lol see my drift here...if a black man dates white its you dont love your mama or your sisters bla bla grow up you morons ..this 2010

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  30.   tyrone says:
    Posted: 29 Jan 10

    I am an educated wealthy black man.Black woman are undesirable for the following reasons: 1. combative, loud , argumentative. 2. unsupportive , exploitive , , manipulative deceptive(slick)' 3.difficult to please sexually. 4.unfaithful , generally not loyal. 5.overweight , fat ( but believe this is attractive-----Im thick} 6.promiscious (sp?)

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  31.   Lvly83 says:
    Posted: 28 Jan 10

    The number of WW that had affairs with Tiger Woods is probably the same real number of BW that complained to directly to essence mag. the BET clearly stated 2 comments from 'angry BW' and mentioned dozens so 24, 36 etc maybe a little bit more. Very small numbers in my opinion to use a title 'Essence BASHED', clear overly exaggerated, clearly negative thorough choice of words that is my interpretation. (Unless 20-40 BW bashed through to the Executives and beat them up over this - no didn't think so!). NO one writer will ever please everyone. There are a number of other really good blogs written for black female or women on interracial issues. In my originals comments ( which I noticed have been cut out), I made direct comparisons between AR IR blogs and other blogs written by BW for BW on IR. I stated they are more real, honest, positive, really talk about their experience rather than just rely on secondary, unreliable, hearsay sources, and are more opinionated. "do not lump the choice to date interracially all in one box. We regard black male interracial dating as distinctly different in character from black female interracial dating, and recognise that black male interracial dating has historically born the hallmarks of being founded upon a rejection of and discrimination against black women" "Many AA women and their daughters are sadly still bogged down in that loyalty bag and being used, while the typical bm is an equal opportunity dater and is busy stepping over bw in search of a lighter/whiter woman, but not before he reminds bw of how undesirable they are." Take for example how BM are responding to the BW on the Bet blog in relation to this story, bad/ poor attitudes are clearly not limited to BW. On one blog a article from JET Magazine & Some BW prefer WM there are photos of BW with the wm husband in the 1950s. They had real IR problems, compare that to Reggie Bush so called IR problem.

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  32.   rae56 says:
    Posted: 27 Jan 10

    I think I've read MOST of what Ria has posted and do not take issue with her posts. She is the messenger who brings us "food for thought," and I appreciate the dialogue that her posts encourage, whether I agree or disagree. I don't have to agree, I just appreciate being OPEN to differing opinions. Lord, what a sterile and boring world we would live in if we all had the same thoughts and opinions. As I said earlier, Ria, keep doing what you're doing, you're doing a great job opening dialogue, as well as social dialect!

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  33.   Hazelpride says:
    Posted: 27 Jan 10

    Comment to Kalin, I am appalled at your comment. You might have had terrible experiences with some black women but to generalise like that, leaves me wondering what type of a black man are you. They say one man,s meat is another man's posion, so what you can't handle someone else can.

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  34.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 27 Jan 10

    P.S. We see many inter-racial couples daily in our travels in Southeastern Texas / they are just Happy people Enjoying life together . Women and Men have been getting together for as many years as there are different Heritages . Online just made it Happen for Us from far apart . Those that have problems must create them for themselves because of a Chip they continue to carry on their shoulders . This is the year 10 of our second millenium / Life has changed , change with it .

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  35.   Lvly83 says:
    Posted: 27 Jan 10

    @ KALIN Black women and White men receive 'Thumbs up' for their ability to keep IR marriages beyond average! " You would also think that given how black men constantly complain about black women, that when they go on to pair with other races of women, everything would be fantastic. Well not so according to this study, it appears other women are reporting distress when in relationship with black menhmmm " (LOL, I shouldnt laugh really) .... @ seeing things for what they are JEALOUSLY I think it's safe to say, that SOME black women have a problem with jealousy. Especially as it relates to white women, or ANY women they think may be held in high esteem by coveted males. I see women everyday (of all races-but of course I'm concerned about the AA ones) who demonstrate the jealousy component in very blatant, sad, and obvious ways. The truth of the matter is that women who demonstrate blatant jealousy do themselves a grave disservice.. Black people as a whole have a long history of successes and sheer normalcy. It's unfortunate that the media portrays BW as "No you didn't, girlfriend!" ghetto types, poor attitudes or, as BW embroiled in scandal when our Black men chooses a woman with naturally straighter hair, lighter skin, or non black racial background. or when a BW goes over to a multi racial child, to say how lovely they look then this must mean " she must think being light skin/ mulitracial is better". As most IR couples don't get to be on the cover of Essence magazine anyway ( talking about non celebs, I just don't see the relevance to how this applies to most IR couples, when exaclty was the last time a BM you know was on the cover of a 'AA magazine'. why would this be a promblem faced by most IR couples? Oh wait.... cos it a much bigger picture, (I say sarcastically)lol. Seriously this is what BW get annoyed about these types of stories sometimes more based on false interpretations to relate to whatever. I take a different standpoint from Ria if you are truely pro IR then you would " Debunk anti-interracial myths and stereotypes", rather than continuely reinforce them.

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  36.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 27 Jan 10

    People in Public on the streets , in restaurants , in Doctors offices for my appointments and stores treat us with Extra Respect sometimes going out of their way to have Marvelous conversations and Praise for Us looking so Happy . Sometimes I wonder where people go to find any problems shown to a Married couple / Cause that is all We are . Go Saints .

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  37.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 27 Jan 10

    Ria ; I saw your picture once upon a time and I feel you are a Fine looking Ladie . My wife and I / being an inter-racial couple met here with lots of good advice from others online to me , Hehe kan't you see .

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  38.   Callia78 says:
    Posted: 27 Jan 10

    @ Ria, I think you choosing your mind you seem to think 'interracial couple face this and that. I don;t think this is the case for me in the UK. I can't comment on what goes on in the US. But i do know that if you think people are going to have problems with a interacial couple, you will see it. If you go out and already thinking certain groups will dislike you for being in a interacial couple of people you will choose to find it and apply this is all. Take for example the last blog regarding Tiger Woods 'Apparentely' the black community etc. This to me sounded made up/ base on rumour rather than fact. How many white women did Tiger woods have an affair with dozens. But no mention whether this represents all white women/ white community in a negative light,as there are streotypes among white women too. Compare that story with this blog in the BET blog it states dozens of black women and include TWO comments. Last time I look there was already 140 comments posted on that site,

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  39.   Ria says:
    Posted: 27 Jan 10

    @dolly48 a girl cant accept a compliment? Anyway, I represent this site and trust me, this site has nothing against black women. When I post these articles, I don't do it so black women can be seen in a negative light. I do it because these are things that people are facing out there as interracial couples. If you are on this site and you truly are pro-interracial dating, trust me, black, white or otherwise, the things people do out there will somehow annoy you. If you are a black woman and negativity is against a black man by other black women for being in an interracial relationship, you will see it for what it really is: people against another interracial relationship. I have seen all these comments about me being against black women. Well, I am not. And I am no man no IT. I am just a woman who chooses to see things for what they really are.

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  40.   SuddenSean says:
    Posted: 26 Jan 10

    Charles Barkley is a traitor too! He is married to a whites woman....They loves them white women

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  41.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 25 Jan 10

    In My Opinion ; We as people of the World are all Individuals / not Groups . A man and his wife are still - Individuals - just working together seeking a Mutual Success . Each shall prosper as to their own work Ethics . A group would be a " Corporation " or a body formed by individuals with a common goals . No one gave me anything - I Earned it with my own two hands . God granted me early Retirement knot with riches but with Time to Enjoy what I had worked so Hard for in youth . Yes ! I am and always will be - Flesh colored . I still had to be ontime at my places of Employment / Responsibility , wood be the word .

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  42.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 24 Jan 10

    We as an inter-racial couple see nothing in the Public Forum other than Friendly people , we do subscribe to " Essence " magazine . Reggie Bush paints a Strong Portrait , I feel as Honorable to be Displayed on a magazine cover / whose who complain sound like Jealous people to me , Hehe . We live in the present day World , Enjoying life looking forward to the Future and what it shall bring . God was the only one with the power to Create the Earthquake that Devastated Haiti , the Tsunammi and Our local Hurricanes . Yet come Sunday people still Praise him in Worship . I see injustice in that many killed by God alas he does knot see color / he will kill at Random and ask for prayer . No one holds him Responsible for his deadly deeds . His Excuse ; the Devil made me do it LOL . Let's place Blame where it Belongs / why disagree with each other , when a higher power Rules the World . Bible Thumpers ; judge me if you please / my judgement will come at the end of my days regardless of your opinions , Please give Graciously and pass the plate .

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  43.   dean says:
    Posted: 24 Jan 10

    @Kalin you troll and I have spoken to other race men who say the same about their women. Therefore, we are all even. Next question, Troll.

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  44.   nijja says:
    Posted: 24 Jan 10

    The world is full of injustices, people worldwide are suffering beyond comprehension. Yet people flare up over an interracial couple?! Move on people and get a life - Unbelieveable! People fall in love, whether they are from different cultures, background, race or religion. If they are happy surely thats all that matters?! Life is too short! Believe me when i say this, because this is coming from someone who lived, exprienced, and witnessed the South East Asian Tsunammi of Dec 2004 and walked away without a scratch.

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  45.   kitson says:
    Posted: 24 Jan 10

    Okay people is this 2010 or is it 1910? So what is the big fuss about having Reggie Rush on the cover of Essence. Kim Kardishan dated TJ Jackson is the product of an mixed race marriage. Let's talk about real issues like Linda Carty a Black Briton on deathrow in Texas for a crime she didn't commit

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  46.   shyatfirst says:
    Posted: 23 Jan 10

    Doesn't matter the Essence is no longer owned by brothas. Fact remains the executive level is primarily black women, so they had to give the ok to photo Reggie and include him in the magazine. Again, we need to focus on ourselves and not "them"==whether its true love or getting back at the white man, don't care. Instead of a black man running after white women, I'd to see brothas run after white men (let me explain) and learn how to make some money---Diddy, Jay-Z, Russell.... Then hold these men accountable for the choice of mate. So of the three above, Jay-Z gets my vote. He is the only one married to a sista. Their net worth drop a little bit in 2008- around $97 million, in 2007 it was $182/$184 million. That's what I'm talking about... And one more thing, if you're upset that the brothas (Clarence and the other guy) sold out, write them/hit them up on why. Regardless, hold the black female executives accountable for what they print, who they present as our role models (ask us), etc. If necessary, develop your own magazine. We have to be responsible for the legacy WE leave behind. I'm more concerned about brothas handling their business, not getting shot for DWB, and having 18 babies with 18 women (which WE have control of). And I have no problems crossing the color line for my man.

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  47.   KALIN says:
    Posted: 23 Jan 10

    Black women cannot attract a man for the following reasons: - Poor/bad attitude - Domineering - Argumentive - they bring too much drama into relationships This is why black men choose white women to date !

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  48.   saffron says:
    Posted: 23 Jan 10

    I like the magazine...I can take or leave Reggie..but really would have enjoyed someone like Halle with her fine azz man instead..i bet there wouldn't have been any backlash.

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  49.   Bri says:
    Posted: 22 Jan 10

    For the people who can't understand why the reactions are so harsh it's because you only have a surface comprehension of the whole scenario. Black women are not opposed to Black men dating outside their race. We're opposed to Black men viewing women of other races in a more positive light than women of their own race. A lot of Black men put non-Black women on a pedestal and tend to degrade and talk negatively of their own...despite the fact that many of them were raised by Black mothers and have Black female family members. And that's the real issue, not who's he dating, but why he's dating. And yes, in a society that tries to shove Anglo-Saxon ideals down the throat of every brown and dark skinned person when you as a Black man feed into those same ideals, it may not make you a white supremacist, but it definitely does make you a sick individual mentally. Minorities have been taught for centuries to under-appreciate their ethnic features and it is a sad day in our history when Black men willingly feed into those same stereotypes. For example, a male friend of mine who was recently ejected from my life for being excessively ignorant was watching a show with me and asked a question about a woman's hair he saw on a TV...this was a white girl with some very obvious extensions and so I simply answered his question truthfully and said, "her hair is fake"....to which he responded very adamantly, "you don't know what you're talking about, she's not even Black!" It's bullshit like that that makes it hard to accept a Black man's attraction to a woman of another race as love and not self-hatred towards his own brown skin and Black women. This lovely individual then gave a whole anecdote on the features of whites and latinas and how they are more preferred...mind you this same man didn't even realize that Brazilians and Latin Americans fell under the same racial umbrella as he stated he liked both, like somehow they were different racial groups. He also couldn't tell the difference between a white woman with an orange spray tan and hair dyed black and a latina, a latina with tightly curled hair that grows in an afro versus a Black woman with natural hair...nor could he tell if a woman was latina or Native American....case and point, a lot of Black men know very little about women of other races, they don't truly embrace the culture as one should in the context of a loving interracial relationship, they are just attracted to a certain look: a certain type of hair, and a certain skin color because that's what society has taught them. As a Black woman with exotic features and long hair people assume I'm not Black or that if I am then certain parts of me are fake but a white woman with a tanning addiction and fake hair is 100% authentic, right? Anyone who doesn't see a problem with those standards is looking through rose-colored glasses. Love is love, but every interracial relationship isn't love, a lot of them are ignorance personified and in a society that tells women of color their ethnic features are less favorable, having your own men agree with them is extremely upsetting. It's bigger than just boyfriend/girlfriend...it's about the lessons the men in our community choose to teach their own sons and daughters. It's something I see in my own family too often, like the father who beat my mother and didn't contribute a dime to his own children but gave his second wife, who happens to not be Black, 2.5 kids and a white pickett fence. Ironically enough even though my half-siblings are mixed 2 out of 3 have dark skin...one of my younger sisters said she spoke Spanish and my dad thought she said she 'was' Spanish and this dumbass actually stopped her mid sentence....His second wife is Puerto Rican so my half sister really is half Spanish but she also happens to be dark skinned...she should still be able to claim either side of her racial makeup but society will still see her as Black and I watched in horror as she was actually challenged by her own parents because she 'looks' Black, mind you she didn't even say she was Spanish...this was all the result of them not hearing correctly her original comment but nonetheless it raised eyebrows. Meanwhile our little brother who happens to be light-skinned is always compared to his latino cousins on my stepmom's side of the family because he 'looks so much like them'. So yes, interracial relationships do have to be taken with a grain of salt as all are not what they seem and countless Black people have some extremely warped views of racial superiority belonging to every non-Black person on the face of Planet Earth. And to the person who said Tiger's 'disease' and was challenged...I have a problem with that too...why not challenge Tiger instead of the commentary about him? I partially agree with the person who referred to Tiger's image issues and preference for white women as a 'disease'. Here's a man who's making strides in a white-dominated sport but has issues being identified as a person of color. What sense does that make? God forbid his accolades be counted as one for the black and brown team. Woods is 50% Asian and 25% Black, he should be proud to carry both of those flags and represent two ethnic groups that are currently underrepresented in his field...but his mouth would probably burst into flames if he had to actually form the words, "I am part Black"..that is indicative of some serious self image issues..so maybe disease was harsh but it definitely is a problem that should not just be brushed under the rug. And if Black men do treat non-Black women better than they treat their own it's not just interracial dating, it's a fuckin travesty.

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  50.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 22 Jan 10

    @ kitty and rae56 - " the same people whose ancesters fought for equal rights and treatment are now displaying racist tendencies." I don't believe people voicing their opinion based on a cultural sensitivity means they're displaying racist tendencies. Lets understand that racism is and has always been about power and the competition between ethnic groups to abtain power and maintain that power. There's nothing wrong with a people trying to obtain power and advantage for their ethnic group, it's when you mistreat and try to subjugate others in pursuit of that power that makes this pursuit of power and advantage (racism) evil and wicked. We're talking about a people AF/AM) who own, control or influence little to almost nothing at all as a whole group. AF/AM can voice their bigotry and hatred but blowing hot air will not bring about power of any kind, if anything it prevents one from focussing on the goal of working to gain power for ones self. IMO the strong opinions expressed by some or not a result of how they may relate to their partner from a different group but their strong opinions are a reflection of feelings in relation to the realationship between the two groups of people. You may ask why am I bringing this up on an IR dating blog and thats a good question. Trust me hatred and bigotry will hold its on, so I don't need to add to it. I wish to point out that in a society of various ethnic groups,the way a man and a woman from different groups relate to eachother in their own relationship is not the way the people of those two ethnic groups relate to eachother. Some of us foolishly believe if two people can love eachother romantically then that should make everything ok between the various groups of people, that's not reality, that's a fantasy. IR relationships or not based strictly upon how the couple relates to eachother but more so on how they're influenced by the world around them. In an ideal world that wouldn't be the case but we all know this world is less than ideal! Rae56 you stated - "The key word was, and still is, COOPERATION. In order for one race to succeed, there has to be acceptance and cooperation between BOTH races - there is no such thing as separate but equal if we truly want success as a diverse society." Acceptance and cooperation cant be onesided, if it is then the relationship only benefits one group of people while being detrimental to the other. There's nothing wrong with diversity but if everybody else has power in that diversity except you, then you'll just be diversified but of no consequence and IMO that's not diversity that's vulnerabilty.

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