Fetish or Preference?
We always talk about interracial dating and interracial sex. Well today, let’s take the debate a notch or two higher and pose the following question: Is interracial dating a preference or fetish? And at what level or point does admiration of certain features - say kinky hair, petite stature – become total fetish?
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63 responses to "Fetish or Preference?"
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cme4wutiam says:Posted: 23 Jun 08As a black woman I am not afraid to date a guy if it's his first time dating outside. Some people have said if it's the guys first time that's a sign that it's a fetish. Not always true. I dated a guy and I knew I was his first black girl but and he showed no signs of it being a fetish until later on when he would tell me he wanted me to wear an afro and I that I needed to speak more "ghetto". After we broke up I found out that he left me because I wasn't the sterotypical warrior black woman. He essentially wanted me to be the dominant one and to whip his ass into shape, well I wasn't so he let me go and went back to his ex(a white girl) who was more like that. Now the guy I'm dating now I'm his first black girl too but he loves me so much. Never have I felt like I had to put on a "black" act with him. I can actually be myself and so can he. So I say don't automatically dismiss the 1st timers as fetishes. It's kinda hit or miss. just look for the red flags. PS. This goes for the white guys as well be careful there are black women who are out for the fetish as well...
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Jade74 says:Posted: 08 Jun 08Someone need to walk in a black woman' shoes.BTW..we do have a live....all is very good even putting up with rude people and ones that have not walked in a black woman's shoes and what really goes on and not swept under the rug..
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Morningflower says:Posted: 07 Jun 08
Definately a huge preference for me! I get asked all the time "why did you step out" - and other questions like that. Depending on the time of day or mood - I either give a polite response or my Jedi "she-warrior" side comes out..(smile).
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Chetl says:Posted: 07 Jun 08Some people on this blog are just not thinking, or still bound by their own racism, by spewing out the dribble that older white men somehow were less serious or without honorable motives just does not stand up to scrutiny. At the time, the older white men as you are referring to them acted on their feelings and conviction about interracial relationships there was definite social price to pay for following their feelings. To make the statement that the younger generation is somehow different is naive. The younger generation is free to follow their open path because of the doors (many doors) that the earlier generations knocked down for them. From reading some of the statements by older black women on this site, you would think that some white man earlier in their lives jilted them. Ladies get a life.
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blue1 says:Posted: 06 Jun 08I think oldschool56 & Jade74 are painting "old" white men with too board a brush. 1st time daters may not know how to communicate and need to be shown. As an "old" white man I was married once for 21 years to a black woman. I and many others have not just decided that we are now okay to date black women. It is a new day in out society. Love your conversation
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Jade74 says:Posted: 06 Jun 08
Hey Oldschool56 as a black woman and the same age as you, Ive had some of the same experiences also from white men that are older or in the same age range.To many it is a fantasies and fetish.Most have not had any interaction with black people.The most interaction might be as the boss working with blacks and not outside the job. Good comment.
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oldschool56 says:Posted: 06 Jun 08Im 52, single black woman. I have dated white men all my life. I have dated men younger than me and older than me. In my experience, its more of a preference for younger men today then years past. However our older white men tend to have lived their lives and now feel that they can persue their fetishes and call it preferences. Last experience, a man 54, who divorced his wife of 30 years. Now decides that he wants to date black women, yet he has had this desire all his life. But he waits until now to fulfill it. I dont believe it and would not date him. Any man that has to put the word "black" in every sentence that he speaks..has issues...(i.e...a man is chatting with a black woman and in talking about his past dating experiences keeps repeating..["you know once I dated this black girl.."]where if he were talking to a white woman, he would just say.."you know I dated this girl...") Younger men have a mind-set to just be more normal. They act like dating a black woman is not taboo. Older men think they are doing something naughty or kinky in dating a black woman, and tend to bring up a lot of sexual things in defending their reason for wanting to date black women. Online..well that is a total fetish in itself for the majority of men. They think that black women are good for fulfilling their sexual kinks but the white woman is the one who is good enough to marry. Interracial marriages that last are few and far between. Just my opinion and Im only going from my dating experiences the past 35 years...
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breezy1968 says:Posted: 03 May 08
Yes!! to both nesha86 and g676. I've always wondered if I was odd in someway for loving the black male. They are what I prefer. Always have, always will.
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blkbeauty31 says:Posted: 03 May 08Hey everyone! I like this article and I actually asked myself this question. I wondered if this was some sexual thing for me. I am with ya'll! Dating white men is not my fetish. My interest and attraction includes sex, but goes beyond sexual desire or satisfaction. As one of the other young black women above mentioned, I have also been attracted to white males since I was very young! In fact, I remember as a child people saying "why are white people or men always attracted to her?", or "why does she always like white men?" This is not something I tried to do conciously or with much effort. White men are simply my preference ; ).
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Debbie56 says:Posted: 01 May 08For me a black man is a preference, not a fetish I was married to a white man for many years, but now I am only attracted to black men, all the rubbish they do say about Black men as in size is rubbish as a pathologist I can tell you that is complete rubbish... the attraction is what Your eyes see and what you desire... and as we get older, Black men have that added sex appeal, they just dont seem to age!!
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Daizy101 says:Posted: 27 Apr 08
It is a preference...it becomes a fetish if the stereotypes start to seep in i.e black men have bigger penises.Not all black men are well endowed & yes some women are attracted to black men but if thats the only reason why you like them other than you being "attracted" to them then its a fetish. Not only that but the poor guy is being used lol. (no offence..don't take it personally, just my opinion)
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nesha86 says:Posted: 27 Apr 08
An interracial partner is pure preference. Calling it a fetish gives it a negative connotation.
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2ute4u says:Posted: 25 Apr 08
i am in total agreement with the above blogger,MiaLaMorena, on what she said about some white men on whether it's a fetish for them or not.One can always spot them in the way they may attempt to speak to me and if they say to me "I've never beeen w/ a black woman,then of course,it's bye bye bye. I will not be subject of his experiment...
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cdelight says:Posted: 24 Apr 08Is it any different than liking a blonde vs a brunette? I don't have a preference of ethnicity. I look at it as simply an attraction to another human being that knocks my socks off..lol. I dated outside my race in high school and had a little fun later in life with a European non-black guy. I guess for some it is a preference for others it just happens to be something about that person they're attracted to. I'm a sucker for guys with spiked hair... now that's a fetish.
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Heidi says:Posted: 24 Apr 08I think it is a preference. I'm not sure how race really evolves into a fetish?! I mean its just skin color! heidi http://www.cupidsreviews.com
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ethereal99 says:Posted: 24 Apr 08
sentou1: leave the white world behind & come to Brooklyn for a while, you'll meet plenty of black women there.
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writechick says:Posted: 23 Apr 08
It is fairly easy to determine which it is when meeting someone new. I've had my fair share of white men who want to talk to me about how they saw "Booty Call" or something else odd. That's fetish...and stupid. And then there are men who ask me about my favorite jam band and coffee addiction - that's just an attraction. On my end, I don't know that I have a race preference, per se, as I have a distinct preference for a type of human that I find non-negotiable. If I find that with a tall, lean, smart, funny white guy who is hot for me, then so be it. :)
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cjk062674 says:Posted: 22 Apr 08
I've always been more attracted to black men and have wondered if it was "normal" or not but I never thought of it as anything other than a preference. Like some of those who answered here I too always thought there might be something weird about me but I'm glad to know I'm not the only one thinking like that. And I totally agree with g676... it's a natural thing that you don't have control over
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ethereal99 says:Posted: 21 Apr 08
To smartchick: Your friend may suffer from "limerence" which is usually centered on an individual & not a whole race. Check the term on wikipedia. Also, the women who give him the time of day may consider him a 9 out of 1-10. Fetish & preference can be a strong factor in the way we live our lives. All the Best !
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smartchick says:Posted: 19 Apr 08
I have a male friend who as he puts it has "yellow fever." And he definitely has a fetish. He does nothing but attribute positive characteristics to asian women, even when his "beliefs" are refuted right before his eyes. He married a Korean woman but now admits he never really knew her but was taken in by here beauty and all the attention she gave him (i.e., white Navy man in Korea). He's separated but only dates Asians, thinks they are all so beautiful, caring and giving. Then I remind him of his wife, his sister-in-law and his mother-in-law. He's tune changes for an instant until he thinks up enough excuses to excuse their behaviors that are inconsistent with his "beliefs." The man has fetish. Funny thing is, the women he dates are far from beautiful. They wouldn't turn anyone's head...but they are Asians that give him the time of day (he's about a 6 on a scale of 1-10). As for me, I have dated various races, religions, ethnicities, and nationalities. I am attracted to the person. My serious relationships as an adult have been with 2 men of Caribbean decent (both non-American) and 2 white Americans. No fetish here :-)
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ethereal99 says:Posted: 19 Apr 08
LOL@mossimo, good one! Interracial dating is a preference to me, personally. I always think of a fetish as a "psychotic" preference such as those concerning feet, S&M, or trampling, yes, I said trampling, not trampoline. Now, there is nothing wrong with being kinky, it's your business. The fetish level is when we want such specific attributes in a person that we disqualify a huge percentage of prospective partners & miss out on some really great people & relationships. Agreed, in general, Interracial desire can be both preference or fetish, but for me, it is a preference.
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fkoi says:Posted: 19 Apr 08I think the line is crossed from preference to fetish when a person becomes an "object" of your desire. I also think that there can be a subtle (and maybe not so subtle) bit of racism at work in a preference for race. I can't honestly say that I have a "preference" for Black women. I do know that I am attracted to beauty, inside and out, in my eyes. The fact that I am on a site that believes love is more than skin deep... says even more.
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JIB says:Posted: 19 Apr 08It's definitely a preference for me. One thing that irks me a little is all the folks, both male and female, who are against "experimenting." Don't you think you were "experimenting" with your first date? Where would you be in your current relationship if you never found someone willing to let you experiment. It's the journeys we take in our lives that makes us who we are. There is a first time for everything and if the attraction is there..then I say Viva l'experience!!!
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OliVanLors says:Posted: 19 Apr 08
Definitely not a fetish. There are lots of guys I find attractive, but it's a certain type that I have a preference for. Its the usual looks and nature of the preferred kind that I like
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redwoodswede says:Posted: 18 Apr 08
It's a matter of preference for me. However, I will admit that part of the preference is an attraction to certain physical features, like dark hair, brown skin, and curves. And those tend to be prevalent in non-white women. So that's a part of it. I don't think that qualifies as a fetish for me, because it's not exclusive (hell, I had the hots for a pale skinny blonde once), but it's something I have to think about. I think it takes a high level of self awareness to really tell what is at the root of attraction. And more importantly, if you have a "thing" for a certain ethnic group, so what? At least you know what you like.
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r_u_myknight says:Posted: 18 Apr 08
For me it is definitely a preference...I've always been attracted to white men but unfortunatley I live in a world where it is deemed "not normal" or "too different" to date outside of my race and ethnicity...
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ME says:Posted: 18 Apr 08
Well now you can hear it from the horses mouth; For me , its not a fetish or a preference.... its a fetish or preference for THEM... >for me , its a way of life
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fal20 says:Posted: 18 Apr 08It's most definately a preferance for me.I have always been attracted to white guys!!
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sentou1 says:Posted: 18 Apr 08haha Im have been starting to think I am crazy but I have always preferred black women. The only problem is im white and I live in a white world and rarely if ever meet black women :(
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calif.peach says:Posted: 18 Apr 08I have been dating interracially since I was 13... so, I am 48 now (on the down side) that makes 35 years or being completely open to any person that makes me feel good... what is the problem anyway? I mean really, if we were blind what would even clue you in to the difference? I just don't get the problem..... Oh well....
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drkchocolte says:Posted: 18 Apr 08
Uhmm it is definitely a preference for me. I've dated interracially in every nationality since I was 16. I find that I connect better with caucasian men.
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Clifford1 says:Posted: 18 Apr 08
From the beginning I have always been attracted to black women. I would definitely say that my attraction is a predisposition and not a fetish. I am turned on by the feel, taste, and smell, and yes I am into braided hair and everything that makes a black woman different. My feelings are not dominated by sex, it is important, but not the reason that I am attracted. There is a huge difference in the way a black woman treats her man, some call it special I describe it as wonderful. Recently after a long term relationship with a lady directly from Nigeria I have refined my interest to African born woman, there is a definite difference they seem to have been raised in a less prejudicial atmosphere, interracial relationships come natural for them. If you are having these feelings my recommendation is act on them. Yes you will meet many black women with absolutely no interest, but if you make your feelings known you will find more than enough black woman who have a similar interests and feelings. Be warned If your feelings are real you will have definite problem returning to dating women who are not black
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blue1 says:Posted: 17 Apr 08
I dated my first black women in the 8th grade. for years I dated all races. over time I was more and more attracted to black women and now only date black women. It is an attraction based on thier beauty and booty lol. the ones I date are open about what they want and go after it. Big attraction to me. Not a fetish
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alizm says:Posted: 17 Apr 08
Its a preference for me,the reasons why i find ebony women more attractive than any other race are from their Skin Tone(i luv all the flavors),they seem to exude more confidence,They have very beautiful smiles,Strong Family Values,I find their "attitudes" attractive,Their facial features, + their curvaceous shapely bodies,its so sexy.
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MHM1 says:Posted: 17 Apr 08
I am so glad that I am actually not abnormal, I was beginning to think that being attracted to white men was wrong...My friends (white and black) have always raised an eyebrow when I speak about dating white men but the truth of the matter is that I am so attracted to them and it has been so since I was very young, guess God made me that way. The funny thing though is that I have never dated any white men, hence my presence on this site. I must say, the prospects of finally being with someone that I really and truly wish and desire to be with is so exciting. So no, it's not a fetish it is a definite preference and I hope he finds me :-)
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Carmondo says:Posted: 17 Apr 08
I have always been attracted to black women! For me, it is not a fetish but a preference. I have met a few women here on AR that desire to "try" and see what it would be like to be with a white man and I steer clear from them since I do not want to play the guinea pig, LOL. To me, dating interracially is a personal thing and dating black women has always been my preference.
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mossimo36 says:Posted: 17 Apr 08
Preference!!! Fetishes are for weird guys in raincoats and 23 year old teachers who like 15 year old boys
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HereIamBaby says:Posted: 17 Apr 08With me it is a preference. My fetishes are not about color! LOL Southern smiels, Sharon
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Jcaridad says:Posted: 17 Apr 08hmmm, well i can speak for myself when i say its a prefernence for me, since i was a young girl i have been attracted to white men. and the men i have dealt with oddly enough have admitted to always being attracted to or strictly dating women of color. i do beleive there is a science behind it though! i believe some have a predispostion to be attracted to there opposites, etcetera i used to work with children, and you would be surprised how many children even demonstrated a comfort and familiarity with a certain race (usually opposite of there own), one mother actually revealed to me that all her 4 caucasion children were attracted to people of color, her youngest whom i cared for, had the biggest crush on me, and at 4 years old, im sure he doesnt understand sexual desire but does experience attraction, be it the difference in skin tones ecetera, there seemed to be a predisposition. now im not saying that there are not black women/men and white men/women who dont have fetishes, or are just plain curious. because that true is the case in some situations.
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Joy456 says:Posted: 17 Apr 08
Hello! Joy456 here! My stepmother is Germain and of course, I am Black so and from 12 years of age, I've never had a problem with one of another race. My half-brother is mixed and I love him for just what he is...my brother. Since my father, who is now deceased, was a military man (and Black), we traveled to Europe and were exposed to tremendous positive experiences. In later years, I was married to a wonderful gentleman (who is now deceased)from South America. Because of so many years of traversing with all races, I see only the heart of a person and not the color of the skin.
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Joy456 says:Posted: 17 Apr 08
My stepmother is Germain and of course, I am Black so and from 12 years of age, I've never had a problem with one of another race. My half-brother is mixed and I love him for just what he is...my brother. Since my father, who is now deceased, was a military man (and Black), we traveled to Europe and were exposed to tremendous positive experiences. In later years, I was married to a wonderful gentleman (who is now deceased)from South America. Because of so many years of traversing with all races, I see only the heart of a person and not the color of the skin.
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girlsixdiva says:Posted: 17 Apr 08
It's both. If you go to the AOL chat rooms you'll see plenty of chat rooms with titles like "I wanna try Black". Also by chatting with a lot of White men you can usually tell if they are "experimenting" or not.
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luvinit58 says:Posted: 16 Apr 08Well said Mia! g676 it's my personal preference as well. It is sometimes very easy to spot the fetishists by their profiles/conversation which makes them easy to avoid...lol.
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g676 says:Posted: 16 Apr 08
I think it depends on the person. When I'm asked why I date white men my reply is that it's my preference and since it always has been since before I was old enough to date so for me personally it's a natural attraction. A person has little control over who they are naturally attracted to. Who the person is weighs more with me. If hair texture, skin complexion or some other physical attribute factors into that I don't consider it to be fetish unless that's the person's only focus.
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MiaLaMorena says:Posted: 16 Apr 08As a Black woman I can say that it is more likely to be a fetish if the guy is focused on the stereotyped aspects of Black women, and expresses little interest in the person behind all the superficial stuff. I think it can also be a fetish when the person uses what I call "ghettoisms" in his conversations with you as a Black woman when that is not how he would have a conversation with anyone else.
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Chase32 says:Posted: 16 Apr 08
I have never dated a black lady so I can't say if it's a fetish, but right now I'm inclined to say it's a desire. I think they are some of the most beautiful women. I adore their fine booty's
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SxyWhtTiger says:Posted: 16 Apr 08Personally when it comes to interracial dating and sex it is a preference for me. But it can go both ways some people do think of it as fetish too. I myself only date black women because I am totally attracted to them and have always been.
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