Gold-diggers or downright realistic?
“I don’t know about chat-up lines but a man once bought me a car. He got a whole lot of thanks for that.”
“I would rather cry in a Crystler than laugh on a bicycle.”
These are the words of two women who have no shame and make no apology for having sexual relations or marrying purely for money. Clearly in their world, love features nowhere in their plans.
Find your soulmate on AfroRomance
We call them gold-diggers, opportunists… I mean why else would some young hottie who could have any young hunk wrapped around her finger choose to become the second wife of some man old enough to be her dad; right?
Many people shy away from speaking truthfully about their intentions for marriage; especially when the real motivation is money. But marrying for money isn’t something new. Look at animals; the females are attracted to males who can protect and provide for them. And when we come to humans, even marriages founded on love are based on the theory of rational choice where parties involved weigh the benefits of their union and make decisions based on what they stand to gain from the marriage.
Fact is; even the rich people in these equations get something in exchange of the luxurious life they offer… great sex, ego boost… Either way, it’s a win-win situation. So why are we so quick to call those marrying for love manipulative?
Due to glaring disparities in society in terms of wealth, how can we expect not to have a considerable number of relationships cemented on money? Let’s face it; we have become a society of impressions and we are ready to do anything to portray a certain image. Men too go for older women so long as it buys them a meal ticket or the kind of lifestyle they can only dream to have.
If you look at it objectively with a mind devoid of emotion and ethics, marrying for money makes a lot of sense. And if both parties benefit from the relationship – which in most cases they do – then to put it bluntly, both are taking advantage of each other – NO LOSERS!
So what is so wrong with ensuring that your marriage gives you financial security? Are those of us doing the finger-pointing, being hypocritical?
Related Stories
-
Past Online Relationship: Steps to Rediscover the Connection
-
The 3 Key Ingredients for Memorable Holidays for Couples
-
Everything You Know About Happiness Is Wrong
-
Five Easy Ways to Keep the Romance
-
You Have to Assume the Best In Men, Rather Than the Worst in Men
-
"You Need To Be Happy Alone Before You Date"... TRUTH OR MYTH?
-
Keeping Love and Friendship Balanced
85 responses to "Gold-diggers or downright realistic?"
Leave a reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
-
whurr says:Posted: 29 Oct 09@takinitall Im not funny! I evoke the emotion of fear. I love women with hidden profiles...major turn-on! I will fly to LA and take you to Long John Silvers so we can 'dine' on the new popcorn shrimp $3.99 special. We can share one...more romantic that way...has nothing to do with the fact I have $4.27...strictly romance....I got it like that baby...you know how us 'playas' roll!
Reply to this comment -
takinitall says:Posted: 28 Oct 09@ Whurr, you are so funny. Your posts allways evoke some kind of emotion in me; either laughter or insight. I really like how you can be educated, ghetto and funny all in one. @ No Player You know for the longest time I refused to date interracially for fear of giving up on my men. I find that as a PBW, I do not attract many PBM. I love the song "Golddigger" by Jamie Foxx and Ray Charles. I love the part where he says "stick by his side..................and when he get's up leave yo a** for a white girl." I'm ok with that now and since I have gone interracial I have met more people who value me as a woman. Women have to accept that we do not have to tolerate bullsh*t just to have someone. I just wish that more men would step up their game so they won't be intimidated.
Reply to this comment -
ninaforever says:Posted: 27 Oct 09I think most women who are "gold diggers" are women who have been hurt by men at some point in their lives and have become bitter and have also decided to use gold digging as a defense and a shield so that they can lie to themselves and at the same time feel as though they are protecting their hearts. I am not advocating this practice nor do i believe in it but what i don't understand is that when a lot of men usually approach a woman that they are interested in they will sell themselves and offer to do things for a woman and make promises to her and then turn around and claim that she is using them.As a woman I feel as though if a man cares about you and your well being he will show it and and vice versa. Women are emotional creatures so we are always looking for signs of affection or caring just as men are more logical and tend to want to be the provider and protector.
Reply to this comment -
NOPLAYER says:Posted: 26 Oct 09
@takinitall- I agree that being a BW plus profesional presents a it's fair share of challenges but challenges are for overcoming and not running away from. There's this crazy myth about professional BW being uptight, bitchy, snobby and only interested in other high earning professional men and as a result men avoid these women like the plague. This myth has a negative impact on PBW (proffesional black woman). During a discussion a friend bought up some valid points when he stated: 1. PBW at the end of the day are women and you should focus on her as a woman that wants love, affection and attention and not get caught up in her markings of success. 2. All women want the security that comes from a stable and loving relationship. PBW don't bond with income and professional titles, they want to bond with a man. 3. What does it say about a man that views an educated and successful woman as unattractive as a potential mate? I think as a man when you're secure in your manhood and have a positive self-image, you don't view your woman's accomplishments as threatening. Alot of men have issues of low self-esteem, a lack of confiedence and they're imprisoned in self doubt and it's hard for them to deal with successful BW because of feelings of shame for not being the best that they could. On the military post were I work I utilize the Transition Assistance Program, the counselors help with prepairing resumes and job serch assitance for departing soldiers and veterans. I'm always updating my resume and I've been working with a BW named Regina and one day over lunch she told me that she notices that most BM are hesitant to ask for her assistance and she asked was she doing something wrong and I had to explain to her that it wasn't a problem with her but with us (BM). She ask why did I feel so comfortable with asking for her assistance, I said, "I know she's qualified to do her job and I have no hang-ups about dealing with competent PBW. You're not ashamed or embarassed when you go to your doctor because you don't have a MD degree, you're grateful they have that degree and can help you!" Why be intimidated by a proffesional women when she can be benefit you, if you'd only allow her to?
Reply to this comment -
WHURR says:Posted: 25 Oct 09
@ NOPLAYER Great story about your friend sterotyping the woman getting out of the 'Rover'. I had a very similar experience from this site. On the date, she rolled up in a brand new Escalade and came out with a very hot looking red, leather dress. Her heels and strut made her look like a stripper...oops ... I mean dancer. Being the typical jackass that I am, I immediately started wondering 'What club does she dance at?'. My mind is full of stupid stereotypes, just like your 'friend'! I got my answer to that question during dinner... Black Gold in Miami !! Hmmm...Buy One Disease Get One Free... NEXTTTTTTTTTTTTT! I bathed in Purell Hand sanitizer and scrubbed with Brillo and pumice stones for weeks. All that and all she did was sit 3 feet from me! Dang, I need to get my hygenic OCD clinically evaluated. What does this have to do with the topic?? I have no friggin' clue but my ADHD kicked in and its 2:55AM. Since my therapist is away on vacation, I just figured I could use you guys. NO golddiggers need apply please. I'm broke! I feed my kids Chef-Boy-Ardee (Walmart brand actually but they don't know that) and tap water that taste like my refrigerator. If they are good, they get those great tasting ice(meat)cubes. Damn baking soda is like 33 cents a box. At least the cubes have some taste and might even have all the Food and Drug Admin requirements for a healthy meal! Any women interested in a broke 'non-golddigger-ish' male? I need like an 'aluminum-digger' chasing me...hell ... maybe even 'stainless steel-digger'. Thanks for helping me with my therapy. I just saved the $25 co-pay. WHURR
Reply to this comment -
takinitall says:Posted: 25 Oct 09
You know I appreciate your honesty. It's pretty sad that professional women are often at the bottom of the totum pole in dating. Being a professional Black woman puts you even further down. I refuse to stop striving for more to have someone. I want someone who wants to get in the trenches and build something together. It sucks being single, but I have faith that there is someone who is equally ambitious as me.
Reply to this comment -
NOPLAYER says:Posted: 24 Oct 09
@ takinitall Let there be no doubt, if a man trully loves you he will make sure you're taking care of. A good man if he feels he cant adequately propvide for a woman will avoid starting a relationship with her because his pride wont allow him to. This is why alot of sucessful sisters have a hard time attracting men that don't earn as much, it's not that they don't want these women but it's emotionally castrating to alot of men when they cant provide for the women they love, so it's easier to avoid starting a relationship in the first place than to feel like a scrub. Keep in mind that women have been so degraded and partrayed as gold-diggers and scheming sex pots, and so there's an attitude towards women that leads men to believe you have to get over on women before they gets over on you. Alot of this twisted thinking comes from a deep rooted insecurity and jealousy that alot of men feel because of the advancement that women have made in term of careers and income. I had a coworker remark, "damn, who is she fu@king" when he saw a well dressed woman step out of a Range Rover. I saw the look of disgust and scorn in his face for this woman. I askd him, "if you were married wouldn't you want your wife to walk out the house everyday looking as good as she did and be able to say with pride that you make that posible", he replied "hell yeah!" In his mind this woman's fine clothes and nice car had to be attached to her laying up with some man, regardless if she was married to him or not. He just could bear the thought that maybe she was an educated woman that went to work everyday and earned what she had. This woman appearance of sucess had to be tied to some man because if it was of her own efforts it was suspect. At the root of his hating was the fact that he wanted a beautiful woman like her and wanted to be able to provide her with nice clothes and a car but for one reason or another he couldn't, so he was mad! It was easier for him to dismiss her as a gold-digger than to deal with his own feelings of inadequacy. I told him your line of thinking is no different than police who pull you and me over because we drive nice cars and happen to be BM. I told him it's no different than them thinking," they must be drug dealers or the car is stoling!" This anger, jealousy and feelings of inadequacy lead men to feel they can elevate themselves by stepping on women and I had to explain to my coworker that this is the same thinking of sick racist people. Needless to say this guy needed and check up from the neck up and I gave it to him, hey that's what friends are for! LOL
Reply to this comment -
takinitall says:Posted: 24 Oct 09
@ No Player I totally agree with women bragging about getting over on men. I feel the same way about men trying to get over on people. My feeling has allways been don't expect a man to do for you what you can't do for yourself. Using people is wrong no matter what or who does it. But men have to be real and understand that they will have to come out of pocket for a woman. I guess my frustration is coming from a different place. I have met men, who I feel are trying to get something for nothing. For example they want to come over your house or vice versa rather than going out. On the flip side I have met men who are great people and can step up and lead with confidence and have no problem sharing. a man should be able to stand on his own and not ask a woman to carry him. Call me old fashion, but I feel we have gotten away from our old fashioned values and our families have suffered.
Reply to this comment -
NOPLAYER says:Posted: 19 Oct 09
@ takinitall - When I aksed the question why PAY a woman for something that she's willing to GIVE, I was referring to men who think they can buy a woman's love and respect. My desired to provide for a woman is based on how well she treats me, I'm not talking about how often she'll sleep with me, these old LAY-UP women come a dime a dozen. I'm talking about a woman that carries herself with class, shows that she wants to be a wife and a good mother and has a devotion to family. I'll work three jobs, beg / borrow / steal (LOL) for a woman like that. Why do guys think if they spend money on a woman she's a gold-digger or he's a sucker? Women are to blame for this one! If you have a man doing for you, even if you're not in love with him, you don't sit up in the beauty shop and put his business out in the street. If a man is playing the fool for a women, he damn sure don't want the whole neighborhood to know about it! It's now perceived if a man is taking care of a woman he's tricking and the woman is pimping him, yes things have gotten that bad! LOL At one time men measured themselves by how well they took care of their women, now things is so screwed up, some men measure themselves by how well a woman takes care of them! WTF !!!!!!! It has turned into a battle of who can get over on who first and get the most!
Reply to this comment -
32bookworm says:Posted: 17 Oct 09It's not what you make, it's what you keep. Some people with a high income may not have a high net worth. A few ex-wives, destructive habits, expensive hobbies, designer outfits, new cars..... can beggar someone whose income puts them in the upper middle or upper class income strata. That being said, women since that dawn of time have always looked for security in a potential mate. It used to be that those with the strongest genes, i.e. muscles, keen eyesight to hunt, etc were considered the best mates because physical protection was paramount. In modern society, the wealthiest are the most secure, live longer, healthier, etc. Most women are now well aware of the income disparity that exists in our society. Women are graduating from higher institutions with more degrees than men, yet we still lag in every way when it comes to income, assests, etc. When the majority of marriages break up, women almost always get full-time costody--with comes with the lion's share of expenses for raising children. With all of these issues, is it any wonder women still see "marrying up" as the quickest and most secure solution for financial security? It's all in one's definition and interpretation of "security". Unfortunately, because of a myriad of reasons, in my opinion, the cards are stacked against this option for most AA women. It's also my opinion that a lot of women confuse outward displays of wealth with security. That escalade some dude drives may just as easily be leased and the guy can afford it by having 5 roommates! Ladies we have to be smart. A man who is a good provider with strong morals and a modest lifestyle hands down is a better pick. He's just not pouring a lot of money into advertising. Personally, I desire someone who has a secure foothold in life. I don't want to enter a relationship with someone who is saddled with debt, no assests, no education, 3 ex-wives all with alimony and child support, several baby-mam's cluttering up the picture having legitimate financial claims, etc. That's real. I'm not bringing any issues like that to the table. But I don't think that translates to "gold-digger" status. But on the flip side, I know that narrows my choices of AA men. That's why I date interracially. It's much more important for me to be someone with similiar goals who will not be an added burden in my life. I'm an educated homeowner, and I believe my mate should share my same values, and some financial ones that I have are saving for a rainy day, retirement goals, etc. When I meet someone, I like to REALLY get to know him before I make snap judgments about their financial "health"--you could say. And this is just one of the areas I'm looking at. I know plenty of people who make modest incomes, but because of lifestyle, are more secure than a lot of "rich" people. It's all about priorities, self-control, goals, values, family history...I could go on.
Reply to this comment -
takinitall says:Posted: 16 Oct 09
@ No Player Do you remember in a previous post your wrote "your wife is your partner not your competitor" or something to that effect in regards to financially secure women? That one statement you made long ago had a profound and powerful message to me. Just because a woman makes more money doesn't man she is unable or shouldn't submit to her partner. Submission goes beyond material things it's about trust and respect. A woman has to feel secure enough in her partner to allow him to take the lead. You're right many men are not able to lead for whatever the reason may be. As far as why pay? Why not pay if you want and love this person? I personally feel that if a man loves you he will put your needs ahead of his own and he will take care ofyou to the best of his ability. Being selfish and cheap only tells the womanhe doesn't careor is trying to get something for nothing. Guys who set out not to spend are usually the easiest ones to get played, because in his mind he's getting over. Men who are humble and able to say I wish I could do that for you, but right now I can only do a portion get more respect and love. Why do men think because they spend money you are goldigging or they are suckers? Although I'm sure they exist, I don't know any woman who will sleep with a man who does not do somethiing for her; rather it's dinner, shopping, movies, rent, car, etc. it all takes money.
Reply to this comment -
-
NOPLAYER says:Posted: 15 Oct 09
@ takingitall If I cant afford to pay for both of us to eat chicken, I'll put off taking you out until I can afford it! LOL (I here ya!) I agree some of us got things mixed up. Men have been the maintainers and providers for women since day one, it's got be coded in our DNA. The sad thing is men have used the fact that women relied on them for that support as a means of CONTROL, "do what I say or go kill your own deer, build your own hut and defend yourself from the wild animals, the two and the for legged ones!" That dependancy made it necessary for the woman to be somewhat humble, submissive and make the man feel powerful as a means of inspiring him to continue to provide for her. Now that the times have changed and many women due to their ability to provide for themsleves no longer feel that they should have to be humble and submissive and this is a turn off for alot of men. Men instead of learning how to have a woman respect and submit to them by making themselves WORTHY of it, they've relied on the old caveman tactic of using the woman's vulnerability as a means of controlling her. Now that women are more self-supporting than any other time in history that old method of control is gone and never to return. Until mean learn to give up the need for control and learn how to manage their relationships based on: understanding, tolorance, leadership and a better system of self-management they'll always try reverting back to the old caveman methods and it wont work. For men who think they can buy a women's respect and love, once again you've been tricked! She'll drive a Benz if you buy her one, she'll spend your money if you give it to her and she'll live in a penthouse if you move her into it, naturally! The true love, honor and respect that all men long for can and will only come when men learn to govern themselves, lead from their intelligence and not their fist or by degrading a woman to a state that makes it easier for him to control her. Once again, "why PAY a woman for something that she's willing and able to GIVE, when all men have to do is learn how to get it from her!" It's so easy when you understand!
Reply to this comment -
takinitall says:Posted: 14 Oct 09
@ lovelybbw You know, your posts is very interesting and sends so many thoughts through my head. Coming from a male dominated family, I was taught to believe that if a man loves you he's going to do whatever he has to do to take care of you to the best of his ability. I find today many men have strayed away from their God given role to lead and provide. You can tell alot about a man by his spending habits with you. If he's broke and willing to order a salad so you can have chicken, marry him. If he's broke and asking you for money and looking for the next get rich scheme, run fast as hell.
Reply to this comment -
takinitall says:Posted: 14 Oct 09
@ Wise Thanks for your feedback. You seem to indeed be very aware of the need for balance in order for any relationship to work. @ Laughsailor I couldn't stop laughing and trying to figure out where I fell on your scale. I found that some of me was in all levels. It's nice to see how you are able to catogorize certain attributes. Allways insightful even though I may not agree! Keep it up! @ Julep You are so right. I find alot of professional women are single today and have difficulty finding a compatible mate. Although money isn't our focus, men may shy away because they feel they don't have anything to offer, or intimidation cause you make more money. My grandmother would allways say "the better you become as a woman, the harder it is to find a man." I never wanted to admit she was right, but your standards change. I find it funny how quick a woman can be considered a bitch, because of her tolerance level. But it's cool I will continue to be the baddest bitch I can be! bitch- Beautiful Intelligent Tender Cutie in Heels)
Reply to this comment -
lovelybbw says:Posted: 12 Oct 09
...oh my a revelation! I watched discovery channel last evening, 'discovering ardi' and men I hate to say this but women were choicing men with smaller canines 4.7 million years ago who walked upright and brought her food (at the time akin to a Rolex) soooo, seems you have created the gold-digger persona. Now suck it up, and find the genuine women out there. :-)
Reply to this comment -
NOPLAYER says:Posted: 12 Oct 09
laugh_sailor - you get two thumbs up! I think these lady learn the error of their ways as they get older. I can't tell the number of conversations I've had with women who've wasted years of their lives chasing an illusion. One female in her late forties, passed her child bearing years told me that looking back on it, it wasn't worth it. She missed out on the chance to give birth to her own children, she said she'd never know what it's like to see her or her spouses reflection in her children. According to this women she's been there and done that; wined & dined, exotic vacations, shopping trips to Paris, all paid for by men. Men had given her things because they had it to give but she told me none of those men ever loved her, they just enjoyed her company and none ever asked to marry her. Ladies shouldn't it register, if a man will spend his money on you but wont marry you, what does that say about your value to him????????? The one thing that stuck with me is when she said, "material comfort will never equal completeness!"
Reply to this comment -
Julep says:Posted: 11 Oct 09On the other side of this conversation are the "independent" women. Why do guys shy away from women who have their act together? It seems that a lot of such women are automatically labeled as a b*tch, just because they are not trying to hook up with a guy for his money, or to make ends meet.
Reply to this comment -
homesteader says:Posted: 11 Oct 09
laugh_sailor ; As a Retired Truckdriver , freight hualer / The Anchoring term was " Packed tight - packed Right " use Sing this while loading saved from unnecessarily Damaged Goods while in Transport . I myself experienced many game players [ Gold-diggers seems too Rich a term to use - as them that act that way surely are knot Worth that much to anyone including themselves ] here for about 5 years / All things will come to those that wait . Love shows when two people Build a Life Together .
Reply to this comment -
laugh_sailor says:Posted: 10 Oct 09jaydub - I empathize with your dilemma and share it from the other side - My startup's succeeding but I haven't had two pennies in seemingly forever. When women ask why I'm single, I tell them - Hardly any women actually want an adventurous life and it's very rare to find a woman who is truly focused on building a lasting love and being my partner. There are many who pay lip-service to that and admit they're lying when pressed on the issue. Women's Dating Maturity, by me: (Lowest) Game player: Keep a stable of men, cards close to your chest and never ask something directly when you can ask it in secret code because you don't trust the jerks you attract. Fundamental question: What can I get without cost from men? (Medium) Selfish Monogamous: Limit games to those that test and train men for docility and financial stability. Look for exciting men and bash them emotionally into submission. Fundamental question: What can he do for me and what is the minimum I have to do to trade for it? (Highest) Enlightened Love: Confident in self, looking for the same in mate and vitally interested in enjoying life with him. Understands that the synergies of a strong love bring out the best in each other and can't wait to watch those fireworks. Fundamental question: Knowing his selfless and complete support for me, what can I do for him? Building a great love does not start from deceit, ladies. Those of us men who are aware see right through your games. If you want someone who's compatible and secure, great! Go for it! Just remember to blame yourself when there's no love in your marriage and you are starkly, unavoidably faced with the hollowness of your financially comfortable, unloving, desperately lonely life with that friend you live with and don't share meaningful enjoyment or even interests with anymore. Women who complain the standard of living they have might be compromised by marrying a man who is not as financially successful are not interested in building a strong love but are consumed with the pettiness of a financially comfortable life. Love is a nice side dish to them but a strong, lasting, powerful love isn't a side dish, so they won't get it. I completely understand and see through their cloaking their search for a partner in terms of true love but guess what - Love is not about taking. It's about giving. All this talk about level of comfort and security is just telling me and every aware, evolved man to run away from them as fast as possible because they are gold-diggers. They are telling us they won't be there for us when times are tough and more importantly that they fundamentally don't care about us and don't want to be deeply involved in our lives: They care about what we can provide. It's tragic and self-destructive in the long run. Unfortunately, when women start dating they are almost universally hurt, so they ask for advice from older women they know (in their mid-twenties) and get advice on how to deceive, lie and generally be selfish. The great tragedy is that the vast majority of these beautifully forthright women are thus embittered. By the time they're in their late forties, staring at years of unhappiness they've endured in miserable marriages with men they don't share and daily celebrate lives with, many decide to start over and pursue love. They realize the stupidity of their games and look for good men. At this point, these women often flower and their lives radically change - They do things for the fun of it, start taking care of themselves in all sorts of ways and participate in all sorts of activities and education. They laugh deeply and get a whole lot more out of life. They are interested in the men they are dating as partners and deep friends because they understand that happiness does not come with a picket-fenced house. It no longer matters, to many of them if it's a rich or poor man but the character of that man matters more than anything. Love doesn't come - It's earned by focusing on each other and giving, every day. It's a two-way street and any great love is balanced. Happiness is a decision each of us makes and we also decide what makes us happy. If you are happy when life's financially easy, great! I am too. I'm vastly more happy though, when I'm spending time with those I care for, doing things we love and growing from learning and especially growing together from that sharing: I'll never remember more than a small percentage of dinners in restaurants I've had but I bet I could remember almost all, if not all the hundreds of picnics I've made and enjoyed - I bet you could, too. The difference is in the effort we put into pleasing each other, in other words, in the love we build. I think we've got to each be happy, responsible and strong to have a happy, reliable and strong relationship and there's a lot of caring and work that goes into building a love that's vibrant over a lifetime. I've seen it a number of times and it's what I'm after. It's such a shame that I've got to wade through so many gold-diggers. Fundamentally, I think many of them simply don't know any better and are acting that way just because everyone else does. It's eerily like anchoring your boat well - A skill perhaps 10% of the boating population have. Why? Just as few focus on or do the necessary work for lasting love, not many people actually anchor - Most do the lazy thing and tie up at a dock or mooring and so the vast majority have totally unrealistic ideas about what it takes to anchor securely. They miss out on all the beauty waiting for them by having that strength in knowing how to anchor, though and consequently there are all sorts of beautiful places to visit that are practically deserted. The same is true in love - Very few have a vibrant love all through life because they are not focused on it and don't build it daily. I've got a great series of articles on anchoring and it similarly takes a completely different frame of mind than most people have. Sorry to have missed the blogs here for a while - I've got my own, now (free professional advice on boating and boat repair) and building the content in it to a respectable level is taking my time. I'd like to thank this site for the inspiration and support in starting my blog - The folks at Chellaul are wonderful!
Reply to this comment -
Jeff2555 says:Posted: 10 Oct 09I own a very nice Jaguar and will soon be purchasing a Mercedes. If there are any ladies who want to laugh or cry in either, please feel most welcome, although hopefully you'll want to laugh! I also own a Chrysler, but that's just for tooling around in. Jeff
Reply to this comment -
homesteader says:Posted: 09 Oct 09
Chrysler is the proper spelling / and if it doesn't start when you turn the key , similiar to pedaling with flat tires on the Bicycle . Cry if you must or learn to walk while you Laugh .
Reply to this comment -
homesteader says:Posted: 09 Oct 09
Marriage is Working Together to Exist as a Family Unit . Both partners giving 100% of themselves to make a Happy Life . When she came to me / I was an old piece of coal , who because of her Love became a Diamond in the Rough . Sharing would be the Bottomline .
Reply to this comment -
NOPLAYER says:Posted: 09 Oct 09
No rational person would say wanting to be financially secure in a marriage is wrong. As a man when I walk my daughter down the aisle to hand her off to her future husband, I'd rest assured knowing she wouldn't have to down grade her standard of living too much. If that's the case, she's better off staying at home with me and I'd continue to provide for her as I've done from day one. Man was giving the commandment to " Be fruitful and multiply", that means as a man you have to be productive in producing something to maintain and sustain yourself. God didn't say marry, start making babies and then work on getting it together, no! he said be fruitful first, then multiply. The terms in your wedding vows, "for richer or for poorer", "for better or for worse" clearly state the manner in which you should start out your marriage. Look at the words "Richer" and "Better", I think it means, if there's an addition to what you already have. "Poorer" or "Worse", should you lose some or all of what you presently have but I think we all agree you have to have something to start out with. A woman that seeks out a mate that can adequately provide for her is not a gold-digger, at least IMO. A woman who goes after a man with the sole intent and purpose of only honoring the "for richer or better" terms within her wedding vows and not the "for poorer or for worse", then she's a gold-digger. I'm sure many of the guys who marry these women already know who and what they're marrying and many would agree with soul singer Bill Withers when he sang: "I gotta spread the news / that if it feels this good getting used / oh you just keep on using me / until you use me up!" "You're talking about your using me / well it all depends on what you do / it aint to bad the way you using me / cause I sure am using you to do the things you do!" ROTFLMAO Sounds like a fair exchange to me, no harm no foul! Bam !!! (sound of the judges gavel) "I rule in favor of the gold-digger!
Reply to this comment -
lovemenow51 says:Posted: 06 Oct 09
All this is pretty interesting it tell you who the person is and what type of value system in place and they are subject to most anything.
Reply to this comment -
NOPLAYER says:Posted: 05 Oct 09
@ shotgun007 yeah it looks as if this is what it's come down to, people gaming on eachother, "let me take you before you take me!" It's sad that something (sex) that was created to be so beautiful and fufilling has turned into something so cheap. This "use what you got to get what you want" and " I'll pay to lay, just don't ask me to stay" foolishness is hurting both men and women. It's like we place no more value on eachother than the things we can get from eachother, that hurts. I think this behavior is a response when people don't feel loved and valued as a person, so they attach value to things instead of people. So the car you drive or the dress and heels you wear stimulates a person more than your inner beauty or the dept of your soul. I think because so many people have never known what its like to be loved unconditionaly or made to feel that they matter to someone, it's hard for them to see people beyond the material things that they can provide. I think alot of women are so hurt and disaappointed by men, they only see men as a means to an end, like wise, men in response to rejection and bruised egos see women only as providers of sexual satisfaction and status symbols. Yeah it has become a game and it one that I don't care to play, not at this age and stage of my life! "You can only HAVE what you EARN but you'll always GET what you PAY for"! " If you pay for it, you weren't doing the screwing, you were getting screwed!" LOL
Reply to this comment -
VA_SongBird says:Posted: 05 Oct 09
I think as you mature as a woman, financial security is very important. More than likely, if you are marrying late in life or you are on your second marriage, you have become more practical and realize you don't have time on your side to recover from poor relationship choices. I'm in favor of a prenuptial agreement in order to prevent anyone in the relationship from being a victim of an impulsive or frivolous marriage aimed at solely profiting at someone else expense. If the marriage last, everyone benefits. If it is brief, no one profits at all. Finally... we all hope to attract someone whom has as much to offer as we do as individual on many levels.
Reply to this comment -
Member says:Posted: 04 Oct 09
I agree with you, Takinitall; in the respect that not every man is a "taker" without any compunction to settle down and make a home for an independent family. Some of us actually desire, with a very sincere motivation, to establish a clear-cut relationship with one person....create a quality lifestyle that can be mutually enjoyed and beneficial to both. Neither do I subscribe to the ideology that all women (or men) who look for a counterpart with independent substantiation are can be quantified as "gold-diggers". Actually, some are "air-heads". I would think a serious man would DESIRE to supply means for a woman he values;... knowing that no matter how prosperous he may be,...her worth is far greater!! Please notice Proverbs 31:10 for a perfect example. This passage contains a subliminal-but-clear message to men,...to be on the look-out for a high-caliber female who can help him sustain a good lifestyle and who will MANAGE their mutual wealth and not abuse it! By "sitting in the city gates" it is evident that he is a man who has garnered certain respect among his peer-group and is valuable to the community he serves. She,-knowing she has a stable man- behaves accordingly. She is NOT a gold-digger but a good business-woman who KNOWS HOW to manage their family empire. HE,..in turn, TRUSTS her with their wealth and KNOWS "she will do him good and not evil all the days of his life."! Can you really BLAME women who seek men of means,... when it is an innate instinct to do so; ...no just a fling-attitude of disrepute?? Granted;...some women are clearly foolish and mishandle their opportunity. But greatness is established when two people who choose to commit to a quality lifestyle, share values, wealth, dreams and ambitions in a meaningful relationship of love, harmony and romance. That's not being a "gold-digger;...it's simply being realistic. To tone it down a notch,...perhaps she is not interested in a Rolex, exactly;....maybe she just wants top send the message that ...nothing is free!!! If a man wants a quality relationship he has to invest in it!! It doesn't get any simpler than that. If all he wants is a "quicky" date, he gets what he deserves. ---The water may be,...but the pipeline COSTS !!! Bring on the Rolex or...at least the Centrex movement? Okay, okay;.... then at least, maybe a Timex ??? I mean,.... a little gold-plating??? Something??? .........Awe, shucks !!!!! .
Reply to this comment -
shotgun007 says:Posted: 04 Oct 09
I am starting to see more and more of these games being played on both the male and female side, come to think about it. It's like, two can play that game...ya know. It's like "Give a little,...get a little and try to get even more if you can-type mentality." Just my take.
Reply to this comment -
beckylyn says:Posted: 04 Oct 09
@Nickspm - When you love yourself enough to KNOW who you are, what you need to be your best and what you can offer another to be their best, it is easier to graciously walk away when things don't work out. Honest communication can help when things get shaky IF both parties continue to work toward common goals. LTR is a noble goal yet highly unrealistic as most marriages don't even make it to the "7 Year Itch" anymore. I agree Serial Monagamy is more realistic. Valuing oneself enough to know when a relationship isn't working for either of you and calling it quits is the NOBLEST QUEST. @Takinitall - I hear you about the "energy vampires" who don't want to put forth the effort. I'd prefer my own company to dealing with someone else's issues. That goes for ALL friends as well, working on the family with that too. I actually say "What's up? Sounds interesting. just not feeling like being used today. Let's agree to disagree on that one". You can imagine and fill in the other side of the convo - besides being called a crazy bitch ;). It has taken me a long time to understand and value what inspires me and what I need and can give. Let's just say WHAT I THINK ABOUT ME is more important than what others do! So stay positive, do the things that make your heart sing and before you know it some really interestingly creative people will cross your path. Don't be afraid to say "thanks, no thanks" ;)
Reply to this comment -
takinitall says:Posted: 03 Oct 09
@ rarestgold You are so right on. People know when they are being about a used. Some just like it or accept it, then when the golddigger is gone, it becomes wrong. @ leaveitobeaver There are numerous women who are interested in settling down. Compatibility is the biggest factor. Some men say they are ready to settle down really aren't. I don't feel golddigging is any more shallow than a man who only wants to date model type women. Every woman want to know that she is valued to her partner regardless of the motive. Being cheap with a woman is a major tun off. There are too many men trying to get something for nothing. Sex and a relationship are an investment, the more you put in the more you will get. I personally hate when a guy wants to come to my house or want me to come to his when we just meet rather than go out. If you don't have alot of money there are numerous cheap dates such as museums, beaches, poetry readings and more. Get creative, not cheap. As a reformed golddigger, I have learned that it's harder to find a partner with like morals and values. Sometimes, I question myself and am tempted to go back to playing games. But I try to stay positive that there is someone who is compatible with me, and open my mind up to everyone.
Reply to this comment -
nickspm says:Posted: 03 Oct 09
The nice thing about being happily single is that one can walk away when things start to go badly. Of course certain cliches still apply: You have to love yourself first. I'm not convinced that monogamy over the period of a lifetime is practical or realistic. Human beings really seem to struggle with monogamy. Maybe it's a mistake. Serial monogamy makes the most sense to me. LTRs are good. Things may not last forever, but what does?
Reply to this comment -
leavitobeavr says:Posted: 02 Oct 09I'm like this,"Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?" The girl in picture is wearing a shirt that states a rolex for sex. Dmn she must have some good stuff!I like to meet women like that so i can tease and laugh.On the contrary, people are not interested in settling down anymore those days are over.When we talk about the dating scene being on the rise."yeah" The dating scene give no seriousness for actual commitments. "Just as long as i can get my bills payed!"
Reply to this comment -
rarestgold says:Posted: 30 Sep 09
You can't be a gold digger without someone you can "dig" from and you better believe that the person being "dug" on knows it and is usually okay with it. I don't believe that anyone should ever be taken advantage of but, if you're in a relationship and it becomes very clear to you that someone is taking advantage of you and you still go on with the relationship, it's nobodys fault but your own. Mutual consent -
Reply to this comment -
homesteader says:Posted: 29 Sep 09
Gold-digger ; Just another Stereotype . Adults are able to spend their money where they want / When they want . Love still takes two Serious Individuals to Enjoy Life Together . Try Building from what you Share .
Reply to this comment -
NOPLAYER says:Posted: 29 Sep 09
@ Dawnshyne good to hear from you again! Society cant put this off entirely on women because men have played a bigger role in this drama. If men weren't willing participants, the game would be over. I don't feel a woman is wrong for wanting a man to be able to provide for her and the children that she may bear for him, as long as it's not excessive. Sugar-mamas or man-keepers are women who for whatever reason feel, "it's better to have a piece of a man than no man at all!" This also requires two willing participants but unlike females these males have more than likely been conditioned from childhood to play these kinds of games. These men more than likely were spoiled rotten by their mothers or other female relatives. If he's very attractive, he's probally had too many females tell him so, he let it go to his head and now he uses it as a means of manipulating vulnerable women. Here's something to consider, just as men with the financial means to flaunt a pretty young thing on his arm around town as an ego boost, some women with the same means get a kick out of having a BOY TOY. If two people knowingly choose to play this game, so be it as long as they both know they're no more DESIRABLE as they are USEFULL and when their services are no longer needed, oh well and as they say, "don't leave mad, just leave!" Right or wrong, it is what it is!
Reply to this comment -
shotgun007 says:Posted: 29 Sep 09
I don't think Dolly48 is in-sighting anything. But some of these pitiful articles do. A little more substance in these article subjects would be great; although I understand the need to invoke a little controversy every now and then.
Reply to this comment -
beckylyn says:Posted: 29 Sep 09Gold-digging is a two way street AND fair exchange is not robbery! I'm amazed that some guys are STILL playing that "IF things work out, I'll take you to ..." game AND gals are still falling it. Gold-digging is cheaper than marriage for BOTH participants when each is just seeking sexual gratification. I don't quite understand why a guy pays for a "Girlfriend Experience" any more than a wife denies her husband sex because he didn't perform some household chore. Then again to each their own. If it's at the point in a relationship that "it's cheaper to keep him/her" is it? What are you bartering away or gaining with each encounter? Just asking...
Reply to this comment -
Dawnshyne says:Posted: 28 Sep 09Dolly48: While dialogue is good, you seem to want to incite stuff. I am begining to believe you started the LA riots! LOL, you are killing me! It is so not a surprise that everyone is assuming that women are the only portrayers of this role. Men are just as bad, sometimes worse, because we women don't expect it. Men have developed little tests for this personaility trait....it is such an evolutionary misstep in men that unsuspecting women have fallen for it. Look call it what you want; but from where I sit it is only legal in Nevada.
Reply to this comment -
NOPLAYER says:Posted: 28 Sep 09
Men make Gold-diggers and they can break them! I'll put this off on the men because most of us know the game and too many willingly play along. I know some men fall victim to manipulation, hey remember the song "Everybody Plays The Fool!" LOL It happens to the best of us! Manipulation is wrong but when you have two people who know the score, no one has been wronged! I knew men who feel that sex is no more than a service provided and they'll pay for it the same as they would a hair cut or a getting their car detailed! One big time actor when questioned by Larry King in an interview about his name and number being amongst the list of a popular madame and why would a handsome, single and wealthy guy have to pay for sex? The actor replied, "I DO NOT PAY to have sex with a woman, I PAY for her to leave after I have sex with her!" In the minds of alot of men gold-diggers are alot cheaper than a wife. If you add the cost of maintenance over the years, the children and God help you a divorce, the gold-digger is the cheaper of the two. I just don't understand why these guys would marry one.
Reply to this comment -
takinitall says:Posted: 27 Sep 09
Golddigger! This term is used in so many context when it comes to women. For example I will not date a guy who doesn't live alone, has bad credit or doesn't pay everytime we go out (except his birthday or fathers day). I am far too often called a golddigger. All I ask is that he has himself together before he comes to me. I also feel that the womans role is to be a helpmate, not the leader. Men are getting too comfortable just being, doesn't make me a golddigger cause I want someone who is able to step up to the plate and assume his God given position. Don't misunderstand,he doesn't have to be rich or drive a fancy car, but he does have to be self sufficient. What about the guys who want a sugar momma? Or the guy who wants to comeover your house for dinner without grocery's cause he doesn't want to spend any money?
Reply to this comment -
Kanzan says:Posted: 26 Sep 09
THis article failed to add the fact that when it comes to being a "gold digger", it is more often than not that the woman is the one that has the shovel in her hand. WOmen who lead these lives need to be careful - even a new Mercedes loses its "new car" feel and eventually will be traded in for a newer (younger) model.
Reply to this comment -
jaydub2468 says:Posted: 25 Sep 09Gold-diggers get really tiring, because they waste time that could be spent with a quality woman of substance. It is frustrating and a turn-off when a person "perks up" when you tell them what you do for a living. There are times that it makes me want to say that I manage a McDonald's and drive a Ford. (Not that there is anything wrong with either.) I would much rather spend the time with someone who is interested in me as a person.
Reply to this comment -
kragwitt says:Posted: 24 Sep 09
So what else is new, Women have used men for thousands of years. If you think women just marry for money, hell wait till they divorce you for it!! Now they have the whole legal system on their side! I cant see how the legal system objects to prostution, after all ,between marriage and divorce its been practiced for thousands of years!!
Reply to this comment -
thick_lover says:Posted: 24 Sep 09
correction...*and the money stops coming in...
Reply to this comment -
thick_lover says:Posted: 24 Sep 09
the problem with such arrangements that if he gets sick, and the money comes in, she leaves. And if he spots something shinier, younger & prettier, he leaves. But if you are in such a relationship, then a warning to the men: do not have children. ultimately, there is no replacement for real love...when you think of the other parties' happiness as much as your own.
Reply to this comment -
WHURR says:Posted: 23 Sep 09
To all 'the young hotties looking for an old man the same age as their Dad', my phone number is (404).... This whole article is great! It has taught me that instead of marrying someone for her spiritual awareness, glowing personality, morals and values, or even love for children.......... ...because I do make a little bit of chump change ...I should dump all my dating beliefs and just think about her in terms of just marrying a vagina... if she has money and a vagina...I love her! Thanks! I will change my profile to reflect my new relationship awareness.
Reply to this comment -
homesteader says:Posted: 23 Sep 09
Old people need Love also / they just have had more years to save money . Interest shows in many ways . Ladies make a man Happy and he may do the same .
Reply to this comment
Advice
-
The 3 Key Ingredients for Memorable Holidays for Couples
The 3 Key Ingredients for Memorable Holidays for Couples Escape the mundane and embark on a journey filled with love, laughter, and lifelong memories. Holidays are the perfect chance for couples to ignite their connection, unwind, and indulge in pure bliss....
-
Everything You Know About Happiness Is Wrong
Everything You Know About Happiness Is Wrong Let’s be real for a moment . . . We all sometimes wish we could be happier. We blame all sorts of variables for holding us back from achieving this. We tell ourselves that once we finally find a ...
-
You Have to Assume the Best In Men, Rather Than the Worst in Men
You Have to Assume the Best In Men, Rather Than the Worst in Men You’ve been hurt by men before. You’ve been hurt bad. You’ve vowed to learn from the experience and protect yourself from that ever happening again. And to protect yourself from being hurt by a...
-
'You Need To Be Happy Alone Before You Date'... TRUTH OR MYTH?
"You Need To Be Happy Alone Before You Date"... TRUTH OR MYTH? "Do you think it is possible to start healthy relationships while working on yourself as an individual?" People sometimes feel that in order for the right person to come along they need to be comple...
-
Why Helping Others Drives Our Success
Why Helping Others Drives Our Success The Beatles knew that the love you take equals the love you make. Similarly, the economics of relationships runs on a counterintuitive currency — the more you give, the more you get. But how do you ...
-
Give Yourself the Gift of Done
Give Yourself the Gift of Done According to the University of Scranton, 92 percent of all resolutions fail. In spite of living in a world of bottomless opportunities, most of us are also relentlessly sidetracked by endless distract...
-
The 3 EASY WAYS To Become More ATTRACTIVE
The 3 EASY WAYS To Become More ATTRACTIVE The most attractive people in life are not the ones who are perfect. We are the greatest asset we'll ever own. We're also the only asset we'll always own. In a world where people value the wrong thin...
-
Let's Celebrate International Infinity Day!
Let's Celebrate International Infinity Day! Celebrate International Infinity Day on August 8, a day dedicated to recognizing the profound significance of the number 8 and its representation of infinite possibilities, boundless connections, and ...
-
You Deserve A Partner Who Loves You Unconditionally!
You Deserve A Partner Who Loves You Unconditionally! Have you ever felt stronger about someone than he felt about you? Have you ever been in a relationship where you were always worried about being dumped? Have you ever longed for someone’s affections...
-
Spice It Up: Secrets to a Thrilling Sex Life
Spice It Up: Secrets to a Thrilling Sex Life Ready to take your sex life to new heights of ecstasy? Today, we'll dive into the tempting world of pleasure and share secrets that will ignite the flames of desire and create a sex life that leaves y...
Find your soulmate on AfroRomance
Coaching Testimonial
"My online love inspiration angel"
Submitted by: Patricia, USA, 21
To be honest, in the beginning, I thought it would be a waste of time. But since I've never seen a similar service in any other dating site, I decided to give it a try.
I always "thought" my profile was on point and I did not need any help to correct my page. I always had in my profile if someone is not attracted to my profile, then that's "their" loss.
BOY WAS I WRONG!!
I will never forget my first time using the Coaching Service I was introduced to my personal Dating Coach. Let me put it this way, if it was not for her I would have given up long time ago (even though I'm a new member).
She taught me so many things and gave me good advice, I did not want to stop chatting with her at all.
She opened my eyes to many possibilities when finding love. She is definitely an inspiration and I appreciate a whole lot. She is more than a Dating Coach to me; she is more of a close friend/guide to me. She is definitely my "online love-inspiration angel".
Most Popular
- 1. Yes, Black Women DO Benefit from Interracial Dating and Marriage!
- 2. Raising Her Profile - to the Next Level
- 3. Video: How to Tell When a 'Rainbeau' is Interested
- 4. What to look for on a First Date
- 5. Cast a wide net or filter with care?
- 6. A Graceful Goodbye: End Of Date Etiquette
- 7. Contest: Valentine's "Extreme Profile Makeover"
- 8. Contest: What's Your New Years Relationship Resolution?
- 9. Glad I Found My Husband Before That Blonde Did!
- 10. Why are Some Black Women Hating on Michael Ealy's New, Non-Black Wife?
@takinitall You would think that PBM would pursue more PBW than they do but many times thats not the case. This shows that despite the high income, the degrees, and the professional title, you still have PBM that overlook PBW. Some of these men have no problem going after the interns, the admin asst or the sexy waitress at the happy hour spot but they'll PBW. What are some of the reasons behind this? First we were dealing with men who avoided PBW due to their feelings of not measuring up because of their lack of professional development, now we have men that are educated, professional and high income earners for one reason or another that choose not to date PBW. I wonder are we dealing with men who will date women not on their level as a means of feeling superior and so they avoid women on or above their level? Once again we're back to their need to feel powerful by dating someone that will stroke their inflated ego. It's the need to be in control by dating someone that they feel they're better than. Professional women in general deal with this from all men, it's just not a PBM / PBW problem. This "stinking thinking" cuts across racial lines. Until men stop measuring themselves by their wallets and their degrees, they'll always struggle with these kinds of issues because they're dealing with a false sense of self and not the real self. Woman need to understand that sometimes a man's outter appearance of having it togehter could be a cover up of a few self-image problems, because in this world, "if you LOOK LIKE you got it together, you HAVE IT together"! Says who, may I ask????