Your profile essays are absolutely essential to your success as an online dater. Along with your picture, they determine who responds well to your profile and who won’t. The essays are your potential date’s best way to learn what’s important to you, what you have to offer and how you view the world.
Unfortunately, writing your own dating profile is not an easy thing. You may not be a professional writer, and even if you are, you may still find it difficult to write about what makes you such a catch. This process requires self-analysis, self-promotion and self-confidence.
Here are the four essential things to remember as you consider what to say and how to say it:
1. Be original.
2. Be specific.
3. Prioritize.
4. Be brief.
1. Be original. You have two main ways to achieve this: say something people don’t usually say, or say it in a way that people don’t usually say it. Remember that online dating is a numbers game. There is a tremendous volume of profiles out there and many are in direct competition with yours. Most of us share certain universal qualities, tastes, aspirations and interests. But in the dating world, echoing what everyone else is saying is a sure path to being passed over. You’re basically relying on your photos to distinguish you from everyone else who, based on their similar profiles, feel somewhat interchangeable.
Let’s take one of the biggest dating clichés in the world: “I love to laugh.” It doesn’t get much more universal than this. (I’ve yet to meet someone who hates to laugh.) What’s more, people like to phrase the idea in exactly those words. With this one, singles are repeating each other verbatim.
Talking about WHAT makes you laugh is your chance to be original, or at least specific (see below for more on that). But why not give the whole cliché a miss and instead write a line about the kind of humorous banter you thrive in, with the right person?
Do you have your own colorful way of speaking? Did you pick up any colloquial expressions growing up where you did? Phrasing familiar ideas in a fresh and entertaining way puts your own spin on them, giving the reader a feel for your personality. Don’t go for safe and vanilla, find your unique voice and make it heard.
Also, if there are two equally important things you could say about yourself and one seems common and the other less so, go with the one that will stand out the most. For example, if you have the balance and skill to ride a unicycle but get most of your weekly exercise in the lap pool, grab our attention with the quirky detail of the unicycle. Your pictures will show that you’re fit and it’s not like doing laps is something you’ll share with your partner—in the profile, this detail does little for your cause.
2. Be specific. The more you drill down into your life, the more unique your essay becomes. Nearly everyone loves rock ‘n’ roll. A lot of people love Bruce Springsteen. Fewer people sing “Born to Run” on karaoke night. And only you do it with accompaniment from your friends as an “air guitar” E Street Band. Just keep narrowing things down from the general to the specific. If you like Springsteen, you probably like similar artists, so there’s no need to mention others. If you say that you’ll never forget being in attendance when your New York Giants beat the San Francisco 49ers on a last second kick in the playoffs, that’s probably all you have to say about sports in your profile. We get that you’re a sports fan.
The more vivid and amusing the details you choose, the more they’ll get attention and give other singles something to reference in their communication with you. Twist the story to suit your purpose. If you’re looking for an original and engaging way to say that you love to travel (another dating profile cliché), find the colorful anecdote and put it in proper context. For example, “Despite being bucked off an ornery camel in Egypt, I still travel overseas once a year.” If your point is that you’re very nurturing, skip the chicken soup for the sick cliché and rope in a less commonplace example from your life. “When my ex had his wisdom teeth taken out, I stocked his cupboard with a month’s worth of Jello.” Nothing glamorous or inspired about that, but it shows that you’re caring with an example that is specific, original and kinda funny.
All of this can easily be flipped to describe the person you’re looking for. Draw on the specifics of your life in the same way. Describe experiences or activities that would be better with the right person, or use the example of something you do for those you care about that you would appreciate being done for you.
3. Prioritize. You can’t fit everything that might be appealing or important to you into your profile essays. Information overload will only increase the chances that your reader will stop reading, or start skimming, and thus run the risk of missing how charming and wonderful you are. So consider the essay about yourself an opportunity to make four or five key points. Say one or two things about your biggest passions in life, whether it’s your career, your family, the activities you love most, etc. Give the reader a sense for what drives you. Highlight two or three of your best qualities, the things that you bring to a relationship that your partner will most appreciate about you. And close on a romantic note, ideally with a hopeful statement about what your relationship with the right person will be like. (Of course, remember lessons 1 and two in expressing all of these ideas.)
When writing about what you’re looking for in a partner, it’s okay to make more points in brief rather than better developing a few. This can sound more like a list of examples, activities you hope to share, and descriptions of what your chemistry with the right person might be like.
In general, watch out for any redundancies or misleading statements. If your idea of biking is a pleasant hour and a half on your beach cruiser, don’t attract hardcore cyclists by writing that “the best times are on a bicycle seat.” Nice turn of phrase, but in this example it overpromises your interest. Choose elements of your life that reflect your core and present them in a way that will spark the interest of likeminded people rather than over-emphasizing things you think make you seem more attractive. That might draw more interest in the short term, but it’s less likely to produce a match that works.
4. Be brief. Do all of this in about 200 words per essay (if you’re splitting them into one about you and one about the person you’re looking for). Singles are paging through dozens of profiles at a time and nobody wants to read any more than they have to. Be succinct and the odds are greater that your reader will digest everything you’re saying, rather than having a vague feel for whatever jumped out at them after a cursory glance. Also, the more focused and carefully constructed your profile is, the less likely it is to give someone the wrong idea about you or lose them somehow.
These simple principles will help you write a profile that sustains a reader’s interest, makes you stand out from the crowd, and attracts the people you are most likely to make a meaningful connection with. If you want all this but don’t think you can pull it off yourself, the experts at eCyrano.com can write a great profile for you!
I don’t think your profile has to be perfect. The more you jazz it up the more dishonest you become. I think this and other dating web sites use tactics that prevent or delay hookups. One tactic that I’ve noticed is the pop up pictures to the right of your sign on screen are photo’s of people who are not in your area, until towards the end of your subscription then they become locals in effort to entice you to re-subscribe. And the local search page does not allow you to search exactly what you are looking for. Also they send you members who are no longer members or who do not have contact or reply capabilities. Now I wonder how long will they let this post stay. Also women get hits daily, guys like me don’t, we have to search more. This is the last time I would ever spend money like this again and I would encourage others who have experienced what I’ve experienced to do likewise.
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I have had more replies than I can cope with…so I don’t know what you’re on about.
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1. Be original.: I think my profile is
2. Be specific. : I know my profile is. But somehow I still get messages & flirts from the men I have no interest in.
(a) maybe they’re not reading my profile
(b) maybe they don’t care
(c) Maybe they’re illiterate
(d)I can’t believe I’m on this blog again-I should be sleeping…oh that’s not an option.
3. Prioritize.: Seriously?????
4. Be brief.: Not! Maybe that’s why they don’t bother to read my entire profile
mayo45- it’s a conspiracy. They just want your dough…Ha!
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My darling Kissime you seemed to have forgotten that men are visual creatures and won’t take you seriously until you take yourself seriously. You are an absolute beauty for the World to see and that will never change, but you should express what’s in your heart versus what’s on your mind. Get ride of the pictures that show too much skin cause you don’t need them my friend. Your point is “well” received in your first picture! “Damn”
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What are ye?
None of Kissime’s photos ‘show too much skin’.
They are all lovely.
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Thank you, Nikster67….cutie
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Kissime
I like your profile, you seem fun and express a high level of self respect and self love. If a beautiful woman wants to post photos of herself, on a dating website (How dare she! LOL). Whats the problem. At least she is putting her pic up, I can’t tell you how many guys don’t put up pics and when they do they are from 1996 when they still had hair….
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Godfather454,
I’m speechless. And my fingers seemed crippled–just for a few seconds
To be honest, I don’t think my pictures shows too much skin (but then again I see nothing wrong with people walking naked) My mentality is everyone should be able to wear nothing & not be judge negatively. I take myself very seriously, that is why I have not settled for any BS.
But thank you for the compliments
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Godfather454,
also, I understand as a rule, in general men are very visual. But my rules are to be able to express myself however I choose. I will not conform to the rules of perverts who can
not control themselves & in the process do as they please (as far as contacting me-when they are not welcome) in the name of “visual beings” And men will make assumptions negatively or positively while changing their minds at their convenience. What do you mean I should express what’s in my heart versus what’s on my mind ? Are you suggesting my photos are the product of sex on the brain on my part? Because they are not. But I am in the mood to take a naked picture & post them just for the hell of it.
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“But I am in the mood to take a naked picture & post them just for the hell of it.”
Please do and don’t take any notice of Mr ‘I am a boring prude’ Godfather.
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Kissime,If and when you do be sure to be riding a zebra,PLEASE!!! EddyReady/BigTen cares!
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EDDYREADY/BIGTEN ,
I’m still waiting for it to be deliver. Have you shipped it? Just make sure its well fed
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I think Godfather454 is being a party pooper (z.z) (Z . Z) (Z.Z)
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Xdomi they are just waiting for you to ask them later. if the time ever comes, because of the lack of info sometimes you end up wasting time by learning that they have traits that are deal breakers…
I totally agree with you!
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this was a great article
i really hate it when guys don’t put enough in their profile ya know? Annoying as hell -.-at least frikken write something about who ya are! not just “I’m nice, please talk to me.”
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I love it when guys put a lot of information in their profiles, but when it came time to write mine I struggeld. I still need to change my profile. I know I need to write more about who I am and what I want, but it’s seems that writer’s block has taken control or maybe I’m using that as an excuse. Can’t someone write it for me? Just kidding, maybe.
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Hi georgia67,
I think your profile is perfect.
Good luck in your search for a great love.
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I don’t understand why people feel like they need to have photo’s of thier children on thier profile ! There is a spot on your profile that ask’s if you have children, all you have to do is click yes. I would wait until I’m comfortable enough with someone or until I get to know someone before I involve my children in any way. But that’s just MY opinion
*GOD* bless you all and best of luck on your search !!
- Suga
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@sugaboomi–I think its wise to be cautious about posting your child’s picture for a bunch of random strangers (whose intentions, mindset, etc are unknown to you) to see. Mentioning your child is okay but I think a person should think twice about posting their picture.
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@sugaboomi , the Topic is, How to write an irresistible profile. Not how to criticize people’s profiles. People may have photos of their children because their children and them are a package and they love their children. But since you want to be critically, I never understand the need for women to take pictures of themselves in their bedroom. It just shows they’re looking for sex.
But that’s just MY opinion
*GOD* bless you and best of luck on your search !!
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I so agree, WMan4coco,
“How to write an irresistible profile” is the subject
But Godfather454 & sugaboomi took the opportunity to bash. I’m sure they have their reasons- But it’s just wrong. georgia67 asked for help (playfully) & I replied positively.
I’m assuming writing God’s blessing after throwing stone will make it all right…how hypocritical If anyone has a problem with my profile, the answer is simple…Stop looking at it. My pictorial display & my profile in general was not written for you.
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Speaking of profiles, would you be kind enough to take a look at mine and critique it from a woman’s point of view? Do you think its too long? Too much info? boring, is it in engaging?
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I’ve REWRITTEN my profile and am awaiting approval but some things I feel I can’t leave out. I didn’t want to go there but I’ve had to spell out some things.
I didn’t arrive at that decision out of the blue. It was through experiences I’ve had.
Read the bottom of my profile and you’ll get laugh. That stuff really happened.
Unfortunately this probably makes my profile sound blunt. Oh well.
I know I don’t need to validate but I’ve read a few of the other women’s profiles and they sound like cotton candy and bubble gum compared to mine. Lol.
I still have to change it. Soften it. This will be the umpteenth time, Ugh, Oy Vey.
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@salsera77–Your profile doesn’t seem blunt, just truthful (but then I’ll been told that I could stand to be less direct LOL!!).
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Why is it acceptable for men to be brutally honest in their profiles about their preferences but if a woman does it there is something wrong with her?
As on online dater I feel that it is extremely important to develop a tougher skin,
If someone is going against convention to date interracial I firmly believe that they should be able to ask for exactly what they want in the manner they deem necessary.
If a man states that he wants a tall/slender woman, sorry no BBWs. Than women are just supposed to accept that. Mind you there is absolutely wrong with that because that is what they like.
But if a women requests a man 6 foot or taller, who is height/weight proportionate. Some men fell compelled to leave a message or complain.
salsera77 don’t soften your profile, because the man that you finally get will be the man that can take it in stride.
Good luck!
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@ salsera 77 -Nice profile…tu vas faire un carton!
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@kissime- I truly don’t understand why you’re still single; tes photos sont bonnes, elles ne sont pas explicites! Bonne chance.
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Merci beaucoup, SAM7167. Je n’ai juste pas trouvé l’homme pour moi encore. Vous êtes une poupée, et une bouffée d’air frais. Merci mon chéri.
Bonne chance à vous aussi.
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Thank You So much, Ladies,
I really needed some feedback. I should’ve checked this board before changing it though.
I recently changed it to see what reaction I’d get as an experiment.
If I get the replies that aren’t appropriate, I’ll just change it back.
Yes, I don’t know why I’m still single, either.
Merci Encore for the feedback.
Salsera77
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This a a topic near and dear to me. Some things should be left out of your profiles, and some things should the first thing you make clear.
1) you are on a interracial dating site, if you don’t like black women then don’t put all ethnicies, cause if you put all ethnicties then I might email you. Just be clear
2) don’t be rude, Men, you don’t have to been mean to all women just because you had a bad date, or you met a women who played the games that most men on the site say they don’t want to meet. Yo chill, be ez, if this site is not working for you, there are a least 10 more.
3) I don’t need to know that you hate white women? I don’t need to know that you hate black women, I don’t care to read about how you when to another city got married to some crazy chick for llike two months into a date, I don’t care to hear all this nonsense, dude keep some things to your self.
4) Long, long ,long, profiles will not be read, they might get cut and pasted to my email so my friends can see how crazy men can really be on these dating sites. Simple and smart, is the way to start!
5) I think we should leave some things to the imagination, you have a sexy Bum! yo show dude that sexy bum when you guys get comfee cozy! You don’t need to advertise your assets just yet. Save some for later. Be proud, but private.
You have a nice chest don’t cover that up, be proud show thatchest on your profile! Lol LOL it’s called double standard. LOL
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Lmaoo…AMEN to that!!!
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