Interracial Dating-Forbidden fruit principle

Posted by Ria, 14 May 07

Do people have interracial relationships and interracial se x because they see it as the Adam and Eve’s forbidden fruit? Is it all about having a piece of the other race just for the kick of it?

Am sure we all have been in situations where we weren’t supposed to do something and we still went ahead and did it. Remember when you had your first smoke… or your first sip of alcohol? Why did you do it even when you weren’t supposed to? It was forbidden. And they started wondering why your parents kept forbidding you from having it. And you know what? We all know how the risky things in life can be exhilarating…

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

When growing up, our parents may have forbidden us to have interracial relationships. “I don’t want to see you anywhere near that Italian boy᾿ Well most people suddenly get the urge to go ahead and do it. Society looks at those who date interracially with prejudice… So you go ahead and have that relationship.

Most people feel that most black men are fascinated by white women purely because of the forbidden fruit principle. Although blacks oppose to color discrimination, it seems they have a color code for themselves… lighter women are better. Such a preference has always angered black women. They perceive all this as losing all their good men to the lighter women.

But why the ‘obsession’ as many people would call it? Are we being driven to date interracially by curiosity or is it pure attraction and love? And if so, why is it that men, regardless of color are the ones more open to have relations outside their race? What drives you?

Tags: forbidden fruit

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  1.   1tiny1 says:
    Posted: 28 Jun 10

    I must admit the 'forbidden fruit' principle was a big factor for me . The more I was warned off the more I began to wonder what It was like. For me It has been the the best decision I have ever made , as I genuinley and honestly couldn't imagine dating a white man now . I had done in the past but for me it is not a taste I go for.

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  2.   surprised says:
    Posted: 04 Jul 09

    I agree with FKOI, there is a lot more to consider when selecting a mate than their outer appearance.

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  3.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 28 Jun 09

    The "forbidden fruit" principle does not apply to me. I am not attracted exclusively to any single race. Within each race are a myriad of "looks," some of which appeal to me and some of which do not. That said, I have recently found myself in relationships with women who are Black, generally Americans. Even so, there's a lot more than appearance to consider.

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  4.   Member says:
    Posted: 26 Jun 09

    No offense Ria but I think you have a tendency to generalize and make assumptions. You could have written, "Do SOME people...". You also go on to assume that everybody has either smoked or drunk alcohol against their parent's will. My parents never wanted me to smoke and I never have. The first time I had alcohol, my dad introduced it to me when I was a child and let me have it at my own discretion ever since. Maybe my experience as a mixed race White Filipino makes me sensitive to black and white thinking, I always think of the gray areas.

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  5.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 22 Jun 09

    We see people who at the start of our relationship had Negative comments and everyday we see them changing to Positive actions . Ignorance with time and learning has shown Us that indeed People do change in attitude .

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  6.   Member says:
    Posted: 16 Jun 09

    i grew up in the deep south (georgia) and when i went to school race was "still" such an issue that we had to have two of everything to be "fair"...i mean to say, a white homecoming queen and a black homecoming queen on the same court, etc. (we had just integrated in 1970 and this was only the 80's.) anyone who showed sexual or even deep friendship or affection for the opposite race was frowned upon. if anything, that is the kind of atmosphere that creates the forbidden fruit syndrome. even though, intellectually, we, as black boys, knew the racial history of our state, you could not help but wonder why it was so important to them to keep us away from "dem white gals"? that has probably caused many a brotha, myself included, to stray into caucasion waters of forbidden lusts. however, for myself, it has never been a forbidden kind of vibe. the first girl i was attracted to in 2nd grade was a little white girl(blond). third grade, it was a redhead,, 4th grade a brown skinned sista and fifth grade a brunette..white girl. my thing has always been...it is "unnatural" for you to try and dictate to me "who" i should be attracted to, period., the southern white male had a peculiar type fo racism, indeed and the history of lynchings prove this fact. truth be known, people are attracted to other people, regardless of race. it is only an issue when it is made an issue, that is barring culture, etc.

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  7.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 09 Mar 09

    You gotta Know / This is My Wife . I could give a Rats' Behind who likes or don't like it .

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  8.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 09 Mar 09

    We see so many that say they dislike the Words they use . Yet they in their own Ignorance - keep repeating themselves . God gave all the Wisdom to change / Ask yourself : " What is my problem , that I cannot speak to others with intelligence ? "

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  9.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 09 Mar 09

    When Men come to a Date Ting site / They come to find Women who wish to Date them . This site has people of all Walks of Life , from around the World . In my neighborhood / where I have lived many years the choices of available Partners for a lifelong Relationship . Soon became limited once I had found that the ones who did not steal from my wallet when they left in the middle of the night , openly expected payment for visitation . To go online and talk to so many different Ladies from far away , brought Learning to Me . And as God had a plan for my Happiness / I feel We got Blessed when We meet here from so far away . My Preference - Was to find a Ladie , who would become My Companion / Partner in Our Mutual Journey through Life Together as one . " Love " is the word that you all are Looking for and when She came to Me - FROM SO FAR AWAY - Our Life Together Started . It takes Two willing to Grow Together and all things Start in the Beginning . Close your eyes when you Kiss Your Partner / and tell me what you See . The Attraction is in the warm embrace and in the Soft words " I Love you " that She Whispers in My ear . Amen

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  10.   George says:
    Posted: 08 Mar 09

    Any decision based on color is a preference, a racist preference!

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  11.   romeo40 says:
    Posted: 05 Jan 09

    i am a white 43 year old seperated male that is much interested in dating AND EVENTUALLY MARRYING A BLACK WOMAN BUT IS GOING THRU A ROUGH SEPERATION FROM BEING MARRIED TO A UNAPPRECIATIVE WHITE WOMAN FOR OVER 14 YEARS AS OF JUNE 10 2008 AND IS READY TO BE APPRECIATED MORE IN BED AND OUT WITH A BLACK WOMAN WHO WILL BE WITH A HONEST LOVING CARING MAN LIKE ME WHO IS NOT RICH BUT RICH IN LOVE AND HAS ALOT OF LOVE TO OFFER FROM HIS ALREADY BROKEN HEART I AM TIRED OF BEING LIED TO AND CHEATED ON AND PUT DOWN PERIOD AND WANT TO BE LOVED AND APPRECIATED FOR WHO IAM IF U ARE READING THIS AND ARE A BLACK WOMAN BETWEEN THE AGES OF 25 TO 50 AND ARE INTERESTED IN A MAN LIKE ME AND ARE WILLING TO SHOW ME LOVE AND AFFECTION AND ME SHOW U LOVE AND AFFECTION AND MORE PLEASE CONTACT ME AT 478 595 0107 AND ASK FOR BOICE CANEN ALSO U CAN ADD ME TO YOUR YAHOO LIST MY ID IS CANENBOICE@YAHOO.COM IAM ALSO A TRUCK DRIVER BY TRADE AND A MUSICIAN ALSO ILL TELL UMORE WHEN U CONTACT ME I LIVE IN EAST DUBLIN GEORGIA WHICH IS BETWEEN MACON AND SAVANNAH AND HOPE WHOEVER CONTACTE ME WILL NOT BE TOOFAR FROM ME BECAUSE I DONT HAVE A WAY TO GO AND BARELY HAVE A ROOF OVER MY HEAD MY WIFE TOOK IT ALL AND IS ALSO KEEPING OUR 12 YEAR OLD BIPOLAR AND SCHISOPHRENIC DAUGHTER FROM ME TOO I HOPE THIS HASNT SCARED ANY OF U AWAY FROM ME I HAVE APPRECIATED WHAT HAS BEEN PUT IN HERE ON THIS TOPIC AND I SURE LOOK FORWRD TO MEETING YALL SOON AND BEING WITH A WOMAN WHO WILL REALLY APPRECIATE ME FOR EVER AND WILLWANT A MAN TO SPOIL HER AND MORE THANK U FOR READING THIS AND HOPE TO HEAR FROM U SOON MAKE SURE WHEN U CONTACT ME U LEAVE ME A PHONE NUMBER AND FULL NAME AND ADDRESS BYE FOR NOW AND BLESS ALL OF U

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  12. Posted: 20 Oct 08

    after reading through the different viewpoints, i decided to interject my own skewered view to the mix. the gentleman who suggested "black male rape" during slavery was correct. even though southern racist demagogues proported the black male as a "rabid" , wild rapist dog, it was he, himself, the southern white male whose desires and proclivities could not be kept in check. i am a black male of mixed heritage, generationally (cherokee, choctaw, irish, english, ethiopian, jewish) bon and raised in the south. and i am well acquainted with the product, familially, of cross-racial couplings from slavery times on down. some of it was forbidden fruit and some of it, by now, is natural. there are many whites in this generation who are not aware that their great,great forebears were part negro or mullatoes who "passed" themselves off as whites and thus the generation concealment of this truth ensued. talkig about the full lips and hips of black women....many white women of this generation naturally have tyhose features. if you understand anything about genetics, you know why this is. without going into a long treatise, this whole country, bloodwise, at this point, is really mixed up and the whole racial argument is pretty much a dinosaur. only staunch bigots from a bygone generation, who, i might add, are rapidly dying off, still hold to the olden ways. this current presidential election is the litmus test as to how far we have really come. positive race realtions is more than just some "rapper" dating an adventurous white chick!! the original assessment is correct,....there is an element of forbidden fruit involved. i guess the same could be said for this generations incessant fascination with "gayness" there can't be that many "gay" people...come on?! some people are just experiencing for thr experience because it is supposed to be "taboo". it is human nature.

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  13.   Thomas says:
    Posted: 14 Jun 07

    Sorry, remireno. I think it was a mistake.

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  14.   senditon says:
    Posted: 07 Jun 07

    I'm sorry but the whole "forbidden fruit" theme does nothing for me. I'm curious as to why some people are more interested in dating outside their race too, but I think the "forbidden" mantra is just a dumping site - or a convenient way to avoid the real reasons why people choose to honor their desires, no matter where they spring from. The question of desire is too big, too intrinsic to who we are at a soul level, to reduce it to a hallmark card idea about forbidden fruit. I've been dating black & latin men since the beginning, and although I grew up in a predominantly black neighborhood, I still look inside & wonder where my preference comes from. I've known plenty of white people who grew up in black neighborhoods, but they often choose to date other white people. The point is, my preference lies deeper than just where, or with who I grew up, although I believe that has something to do with it. And I believe that each person has their own unique set of reasons & "whys" regarding their preference. Some are superficial, some are deep, some are simple & some are complex. Forbidden fruit may be "a" reason for some, but it is too often thrown on all of us. I, for one, have no use for it. ;-)

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  15.   Cocokisses says:
    Posted: 03 Jun 07

    Okay guys, lets bring this back to the subject, which is Interracial dating...the forbidden fruit. I have another point to make...you kinda know when you are just "another flavor" to someone when they don't bring you around their families for fear of reprisals.

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  16.   joe says:
    Posted: 02 Jun 07

    we must move on; clebrate the difference and revere the sameness. we are our life experience and all are different. Black women are the essence of sexuality exotic, full lips and asses that exude seuality. Strange white women are fatting there lips and getting ass lifts and going to tannig salons. We are as a race truly messed up joeyboy

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  17.   remireno says:
    Posted: 31 May 07

    Ok thomas was your whole post directed at me cause that made no sense.. i was just responding to Tango's post making it sound like most women were raped, when in fact it was the men. I know when slavery happened, i know its over, i know which *states* were free.

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  18.   Thomas says:
    Posted: 31 May 07

    Hello Remireno, we are living today and not yesterday. People has changed and everyone should try to make the best of it. Slavery is a long time ago and in the western countries we can live in freedom.

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  19.   remireno says:
    Posted: 30 May 07

    I saw tango first post and wanted to say that during slavery times the african men actually got rapped more then the women due to the fact they could not get preg.

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  20.   Waylon says:
    Posted: 29 May 07

    Henk, I live in the deep south in the US (read part of the Confederacy during the Civil War). Even though the US has come along way in terms of acceptance. It has only been 40 some years since our Civil Rights movements in the 60s. There is still a LOT of prejudice, hidden and explicit, around. Things are changing, but there are still a few too many bigots running around. The great thing about our country is also the thing that makes it hard to change. EVERYONE is allowed a free opinion, even if others disagree. I hope to see the day when most of America has kicked that prejudice, but I only have around 40 so years left in life, so it is unlikely. Til then however, I can be me, and thats good enough for me. If others don't like it, they can take a flying leap. I prefer black women, it doesnt matter who knows it.

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  21.   Henkoomen says:
    Posted: 26 May 07

    I am a (white) Ducth guy married for 18 years (exactly today) now to a black woman. I do not know where Lain Scot and "Got the T-shirt"are living, but I live in the Netherlands. My wife was appreciated by my family from the first day I brought her home and still is. My being married to a black woman has had no negative effect on my carrier at all. She is much more fun to be with than I am, so if I take her to work related social events she is more than welcome. As far as I remember I never got any negative comment from my family, From friends, from collegues, or from strangers which we meet on the street on our interracial relationship. But we did get comments that interracial relationships give beautifull children. Of course we are from a different cultural background and sometimes that causes differences of opinion, but I think any two personalities that are together as long as we are will have differences of opinion every once in a while. On the other hand being in an intercultural relation gave me the chance to get to know another culture very closely and learn from it. So after 18 years I am still happy in my interracial marridge, we have two beautifull children and I hope we can grow old together. Regards, Henk

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  22.   Cocokisses says:
    Posted: 22 May 07

    Fala, I know thats right! They have a Baskin Robbins for that...LOL!

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  23.   Waylon says:
    Posted: 22 May 07

    My perspective and experiance. I am a 35 year old white male. I have dated women of all races and cultures from white to black to hispanic to asian. I spent some years in the Navy forward deployed. I came from an all white area of the country as a young teenager to an inner city black school in the south. I learned some lessons I had not planned on rather fast. My first woman was a dark skinned sister in high school (she was 17 I was 16). After that I was with a hispanic, south american, white, and I just kept rotating. I always without exception noticed black women first. The color difference for me at a young age was purely overpowering sexuality. Seeing her dark skin on my white skin was something no other woman could bring to the table. As I grew older (and hopefully a little bit more mature and smarter) more things came into play. Yes, physical attributes still played a major role. EVERYONE has physical traits that automatically draw them. For me its color, large breasts, cute face, and nice ass (in that order). But the older I got the more I realized I needed more than just the physical to sustain my life. I needed someone I could talk to. Someone who would strive to understand me. Someone I could do more than just screw and party with. I wanted more. This is where I think survivability of inter-racial relationships come in. Folks who are older and more mature are going to understand the repercussions of mixed relations. The stares, the comments, the bad service. I have had to get into managers faces at restaurants and department stores over treatment of my S/O at the time. I was her first white boyfriend and she was younger. She couldnt handle alot of the pressure. I had a decade or so of it, so it was not a real issue for me, I expected it. But back to the main point, is it a forbidden fruit? Yes and No. For someone who has never been and wants to try something different and exotic, yes..its the forbidden fruit. For someone who has already passed that and has made a general preference for another race for a myriad of reasons, No..its a choice of preference. I have found many differences in the way black women treat there men versus white women, asian women, and hispanic women. I personally couldnt stay with a woman just on color nowadays. I have learned there is more to life, but that doesnt mean I still dont have a preference to it. Does this apply to everyone, no. This is just my experiance. Thank you for listening.

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  24.   Iain911 says:
    Posted: 22 May 07

    If I as a whiteman may be permitted to give my experience of interacial marriage in this open letter please - I am still friends with my African ex wife, but I will be more careful where I live and work in the future, and with my choice of a new wife in the future. I was married to a black African lady for 11 years and try as we might the pressure on our marriage and relationship was intolerable, and far outweighed the good times we had together. From mere comments by white strangers about me "hating my fellow whites - so I married a black", to my ex wife being called an "ex prostitute who has done well for herself" by her fellow blacks, and our children receiving racial slurs at the school classroom from other kids, about black being a dirty colour, its just to much to bare sometimes. At work I get passed by for Managerial positions(although very well qualified, and exhalted in my poisition) because my ex wife is not socially acceptable for all sorts of reasons which have nothing to do with her social abilities, or my abilities as a Manager. I dont think we asked for much out of the ordinary, that most aspiring middle class couples ask for in the normal course of events that make up a marriage. You can choose to ignore it for a while, but then you snap and take it out on the person who made the comment, but it is very hard to fight against institutionalised bias in the workplace. You simply become bitter, angry, and insular, and lose respect and patience with each other after a while. The process of marriage becomes a fight, a contest, a bitter struggle, full of arguments, and iit becomes her friends (all black people) versus my friends (some brave white peolple, and some blacks), and eventually the reasons you had for being together dissappear. Be warned - Being in love with someone because you genuinely like them, are friends with them, and respect the character of the other person, is still not enough in todays society. My experience is that whites, asians, and black people are not yet ready for inter racial marriage and relationships between the races - regardless of what the UN and respective government spin doctors tell us about integration. If you choose to go ahead with your marriage or relationship - be very careful where you settle down to have your relationship - the places available to you that show genuine racial tolerance are very limited, and generally one of you has to give up so much to find a peaceful solution to successful inter racial marriage, where you will both fit, and can live to love each other into old age. Be warned - it is not going to be easy! Regards Iain

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  25.   Thomas says:
    Posted: 21 May 07

    Interracial couples make the life colorful

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  26.   angledancer says:
    Posted: 20 May 07

    THE DARKER THE JUICE THE SWEETER THE BERRY!

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  27.   Iamabap says:
    Posted: 20 May 07

    I grew up in the 60s and 70s era, but have always dated men from a variety of cultures. I do find myself more attracted now to white men, so I guess it has become a preference, but definitely nothing to do with the "forbidden fruit" issue.

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  28.   mossimo says:
    Posted: 19 May 07

    Sounds like ice cream Fala. Thats why the title of that movie Something New bothers me. Don't want to be someone's experiment.

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  29.   fala says:
    Posted: 19 May 07

    Yeah, Cocokisses. These types should definitely be avoided. Who wants to be someone's flavor of the week?

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  30.   Cocokisses says:
    Posted: 18 May 07

    I am sure most of us ladies have run across the guy who has this fantasy about being with a woman of color. For those men, it is about the forbidden fruit. For others on this site, it is a preference. Like Fala, I feel these men have a lot of growing up to do, and they can easily find someone on some street corner to fulfill that need.

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  31.   CleverChaos says:
    Posted: 18 May 07

    I don't see the forbidden aspect in interracial dating neither. It's more taboo--society and/or past generations have led most people to believe that we shouldn't do it.

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  32.   Thomas says:
    Posted: 18 May 07

    LFrance, "the force of physical nature" sounds good but its also the attrection. I think most of us, here in the forum do not see the "forbidden fruit" in interacial relationships. Is it a matter of the generation we belong to? And is there a difference in the way of thinking between the USA and Europe?

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  33.   LFranz says:
    Posted: 18 May 07

    Attraction doesn't manifest itself by color. It's just the force of physical nature.

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  34.   mossimo says:
    Posted: 17 May 07

    Its just an attraction. Will we ever move past this forbidden fruit nonsense?? We in the US are so backwards sometimes

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  35.   fala says:
    Posted: 17 May 07

    I agree with Coco and Krock - it's about what you're attracted to. If you're just into it cause someone is telling you you shouldn't be - you're just a rebel and still have some growing up to do.

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  36.   krockwyo says:
    Posted: 16 May 07

    I like the darker skin. Just an attraction that's all. Nothing to do with the forbidden fruit.

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  37.   Coco says:
    Posted: 16 May 07

    Some people are just turned on by the color contrast. Doesn't mean its wrong, it's just a preference.

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  38.   Thomas says:
    Posted: 16 May 07

    I also do not see the forbidden aspect. It is the attrection force of the unknown and it is wonderful if they really love each other. Then it is not important if they are a mixed couple.

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  39.   Jimbo_4269 says:
    Posted: 16 May 07

    I really do not see a forbidden theme here. I think people choose to date outside their race for other reasons, mainly attraction. I have always been attracted to women regardless of race who have dark hair and dark eyes. I also prefer my women to be tanned. So for me it is not a race thing just a preference.

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  40.   isys19 says:
    Posted: 16 May 07

    I dont think the write was talking about only black men. In a lot of cultures the lighter ones receive better treatment

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  41.   tango says:
    Posted: 15 May 07

    to creator of this site if blackman suffer from color code problem then whiteman who marry non white woman do they suffer from anything?whats wrong with blackman preffering light woman? i know some black woman who prefer light skinned man, but i guess its ok in your eyes

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  42.   tango says:
    Posted: 15 May 07

    so when some whiteman were raping black woman during slavery were they fascinated by the forbiden fruit? or the forbiden fruit is a white woman...

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  43.   Thomas says:
    Posted: 15 May 07

    Forbidden? Why? A relationship outside the own race is okay. However, it is difficult to explain what drives us. Maybe the difference, the exotic feeling.

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