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Interracial dating: Is this where we at?

Posted by Ria, 28 Sep

interracial datingSometimes I tend to write very controversial articles on this site and some of you have been quick to point that out. Well, today isn’t that day. Just want to look into interracial dating trends.

One thing I have noticed is that gender has played a big part in shaping interracial dating trends. Whilst this is kind of a generalization, an article I read the other day says White women are least likely to date Asian men and that White men in the U.S. (not my words) “tend to be least attracted to female African American's.” How true is this?

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The article also says that when it comes to online dating, interracial dating is one niche that is still untapped and apparently, statisticians claim this will remain so due to lack of ‘potential demand’. Apparently a considerable number of singles dating online prefer to date “within their own domain.” - Are we doing that badly?

Much as some interracial couples have issues with their relationships, there are those who have managed to blend their traditions. Here are interracial marriage stats based on the 2008 U.S census:

Black husbands: Married 310,000 white women - Married 4,190,000 black women - Married 39,700 Asian women. White husbands: Married 55,399,200 white women - Married 137,000 black women - Married 713,000 Asian women. Asian husbands: - Married 8400 black women - Married 193,000 white women - Married 2,790,000 Asian women.

Even though they say the interracial dating niche is lacking in some way, I believe the internet has contributed a great deal to more interracial dating and marriages. For those singles looking to date outside their race, interracial dating sites take you directly to like minded individuals; you avoid constant negative influence that you might have encountered offline.

Not all stares are bad. So when you get stares from the public when walking with your interracial love, they could be stares of intrigue, fascination and envy. Pat yourself on the back for the contribution you have made to making the world one race – the human race.

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95 responses to "Interracial dating: Is this where we at?"

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  1.   pumpkin22 says:
    Posted: 16 Oct 09

    @Wisechoice and others: I appreciate your words. @WHURR You are too funny. I hope you rescue your damsel.

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  2.   pumpkin22 says:
    Posted: 16 Oct 09

    I agree that a major reason WM largely do not approach BW is because of negative stereotypes of BW (as well as fears about what others would say). That is until they make meaningful contact with real BW. What I think they discover the type that's the focus of the stereotype makes up only a minority of BF's. For myself for instance, All the BF's I associate with as friends are intelligent, wise, nice, as well as a lot of fun to be around. BF's are a well kept secret. I also think the sexual prowess of WM has also been underestimated especially by black people. Imagine my shock after my first make-out session with a white guy. I was like, I didn't know you could that(lol)! So I'm ashamed to say that I too was dealing in stereotypes. One thing I appreciate about a lot of white guys on sites like this is that you have strong, independent minds and you're willing to go after what appeals to you even if you risk society's disapproval. To me that is a major part of what defines a real man and is a major source of my attraction.

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  3.   8betheada8 says:
    Posted: 16 Oct 09

    WISE CHOICE.. SORRRYYY! I WAS CUT OFF IN THE PREVIOUS COMMENT BEFORE FINISHING... But I wanted to Thank you for your rendiction of how to Love, honor, respect and cherish a woman! I enjoyed reading all the comments you guys left before me.... Thx...... 8betheada8

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  4.   8betheada8 says:
    Posted: 16 Oct 09

    *The STARE*, that makes so many people uncomfortable! I too have experienced those *stares*, But it is throughout many yrs. of Interracial Dating that I've realized and accepted the fact that ...... "IT IS WHAT IT IS!" But it can ONLY be as strong as the POWER you give it! GLOCK!... I enjoyed reading your comment and I strongly agree with you, People aren't born racist, they are taught! and raised! to be racist...So many people are consumed by the preception of others, when the main focus should be directed more towards how you precieve yourself! your self worth, the love, compassion and respect giving to you by the individual you're with. With that said.... MELLIOT!... I sentimentalize with your emotional views mainly derived from the sterotypical analysis unconsciously given by LOTUSLOVE24, stigmatizing our ancestors! For I don't think that she realized, in giving her explaination as to why she prefer dating another race, she branded and labeled men of her own race! I find that behavior obnoxious and belittling, and in my experience it's widely prevalant among every race. Both male and female. And she herself fell into the category of sterotyping. One should never hold against the other, the wrongs committed by another. But it HAPPENS! And it's sad that some people feel the need to belittle and degrade another to make themselves appear greater than..I find it hard to believe that anybody walking hand in hand with a person of a different race would make such arrogant comments towards a person of the same nationality of their date????? WOW unbelievable, but I have seen people who publicly criticize and ostracize interracial dating discourage their offspring from engaging in said relationships... and on the DL they secretively fornicate and fraternize with inhibitions. WISE CHOICE!... I

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  5.   whyt_b0y says:
    Posted: 16 Oct 09

    AINT THIS SOME MESS EVEN IN 2009 DISCRIMINATION here in louisiana just this week a justice of the peice refused to marry a black man and a white woman .he claims in his opinion most interracial marriages do not work out ,like his dumb ass is a leading authority or something .this might or might not coinside with this artical but i figured it's something some folks might care to see this is the link to the article . http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091015/ap_on_re_us/us_interracial_rebuff i know one thing when i decide to get married or date i should not have to go to outside my own town or state just because of some bigot's views. hmmm i wonder if al sharpton is gonna tackle this one lol.

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  6.   WHURR says:
    Posted: 14 Oct 09

    LOTUSLOVE24: I am driving to ATL right now... I am going to save you from all those 'mean stares' that those mean black men are giving you when you with a white man (that will be me). How dare they stare at you while you are making out with that white man (again..will be me). Mean black men! Your white knight is on his way (that will be me). I know that I will not do anything but 'express myself' during sex as you have demanded. I'm coming baby...sit tight! WHURR

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  7.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 13 Oct 09

    NOPLAYER ; You should experience the numbers of IR couples in Southeast Texas where Mexico ruled until 1835 . Just the amount of Bi-Lingual people here that speak both Spanish and English would Amaze you . Maybe you have been overseas too long / To witness the Change in the Deep South . We down here have became " Redneck " because of the Bright Sunlight on our bodies , Daily . Vibrant with the Rich colors of Flowers , trees , birds , wildlife and Butterflies because of our widely scattered rain showers . Not to forget the Redfish and Flounder running at the cut this time of year . These are the colors one should see and talk about . Yet you always are stereotyping individuals in your comments . Singling out people seems your way of life /We are all equal in God's eyes - have you learned nothing from all your yeras of Living ?

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  8.   melliot says:
    Posted: 12 Oct 09

    Lotuslove24 we are all happy that you found a meaningful relationship in your life and I am sure it will las for years to come. However, I fail to understand how skin color impacts a person sexual performane or the way someone expresses themselves as you have intimated in your comments. Perhaps leaving Atlanta and traveling outisde of your enviorment would expose you to an array of men of all colors who know how to express themselves. Keep in mind that by making such comments regarding the lack of performance of African AMerican Men and their inability to express themselves you also include your father, brothers cousins, Barrak Obama, Martin Luther King, Web Dubois, Frederick Douglas, and many other African Americans who have meaningful long relationships with with their wives. I would urge you to stop using racism to define why you have found a meaningful interacial relationship and just accept the fact that you met someone you finally clicked with who happened to be white.

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  9.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 12 Oct 09

    Elliot- I notice it's the same here in Germany not only with Middle Eastern, Asian and Turkish men but also to a degree with Greek and Italian men as well. They serverly ostracize these women for disgracing the family as they say but these men date and sleep with German women but call their women German Whores for dating or sleeping with German guys and GOD forbid an African or an Af/Am. I knew a Pakistani woman whose father had her sent back to Pakistan to keep her from marrying a non-Pakistani man. I think Western Europeans are more accepting of IR marriage than any other Europeans anywhere in the world.

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  10.   lotuslove24 says:
    Posted: 11 Oct 09

    Interracial dating has been the best experience I have ever had in my life. I live in Atlanta, Ga. and most people that live in the city are some what accepting of it. However, in the suburbs or country town the stares could make a person uncomfortable. The worst experiences that I have had while on a dates with white guys is when a African American man wants to challenge my feeling towards my date or even challenge my date. I won't know the guy that approaches us, but they will try there hardest to convince me in front of my date that what they have maybe bigger or better than the person that I am with. The guy may even be with a white woman and still feel the need to question my decision about love. Sometimes the comments people say in passing can hurt but all in all it does not change the way I feel. I must say sex with white guys is way better and passionate. They are real and they express themselves and want you to express yourself as well. There kisses are better and the blend of color turns me on.

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  11.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 11 Oct 09

    Who cares what Heritage one comes from / intermingled for thousands of years . Women and Men only came to this site seeking Love .

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  12.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 11 Oct 09

    I cannot change the world / Us being together as a Family unit openly shows Our change to others . We daily talk to people we have just met and they openly treat Us with respect as a Couple in Love . Change comes from within each and every person / only if they so Desire . It starts with the use of a Different Vocabulary in Public Forums . The End

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  13.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 11 Oct 09

    Glock ; Being made in God's own image / I also am Guided by him . My reference to the time line is knot to say that the Bible is Wrong / I am saying that the Population of our world has greatly increased since Biblical times . Along with instant communications knot available at Distances so far apart in days gone by . I will never claim to be an Expert in knowledge / I as yourself only tell what I see in the Present day time . All written before my time / was seen by others knot myself . And Frankly I do knot believe everything I read , same as you . I sheltered what I thought were friends during Hurricane Disasters and found they were just thieves looking for entry into my personal business and Domain . Who stole from me as I slept / then openly Threatened my life several times after . Alas , I did knot use my 12 gauge shotgun on them / Because God taught me to turn the other cheek and be slapped again . Also he told me " Thou shalt not kill " if you desire entrance into my kingdom when you pass into Everlasting Life in Heaven .

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  14.   Glock says:
    Posted: 10 Oct 09

    Whether the Bible was written 2000 thousand years ago or 6000 years ago dosen't make any difference. it was still written by men under God's guidance and His word doesn't change, ever. I will agree with you that God DID give you the knowledge to know...

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  15.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 09 Oct 09

    Wise choice ; We never looked to the Scriptures to find Love / We turned our computers to this site involving recent times , knot 2000 years ago when the Bible was written . We were successful because we live in present time / God gave us the knowledge to know where to seek what we found .

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  16.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 09 Oct 09

    My point being ; We have made Many new friends as a couple in Love . Only if one wastes time looking for the Negative / will they ever find it in Southeast Texas . Grown people down here have shown a great deal of intelligence in their Communications with Us .

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  17.   melliot says:
    Posted: 09 Oct 09

    I would argue that their seems to be in some instances a runway street in interacial dating. for example I am living in London for a bit. MAny of the Middle Eastern and Indian men here will seek out interacial relationships with woemn of all races, however; these same men oftentimes ridicule and ostracize their women who seek interacial relationships with men outside of their ethnic groups. In coversations I have had with some of these men from the Middle East and India they have expressed to me their famlies expectation that they only marry a woman who is of their ethnic background. Furthermore, they only desire to marry women of their own ethnic background. When I questioned them on why they would be leading the women on that they are interacially dating they expressed to me their desire to have fun and soil their wild oats before settling down. It would appear that they wish to limit the women of Indian and Middle Easterns interaction in the Interacial dating community because they intend to make them their future wives. However these men seem to think it is ok to use women of other races to fulfll heir sexual pleasures while preserving the chastity of their women and limiting their exposure to other races by threats of violence, chatising, and ultimately peer pressure.

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  18.   Candida says:
    Posted: 08 Oct 09

    I found your article very interesting. Would like to know the source of your statistics. Please provide. Thanks.

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  19.   Member says:
    Posted: 08 Oct 09

    I agree with you Mr. Glock. There is a clear paradigm shift toward interracial discovery, at least;...even in communities where it may have seemed change of viewpoint would never be possible. Internet, colleges and schools all mirror the changes in social acceptance, it seems. And it's not just black women with white men, who are the winners in this shift. I see many more black men openly enjoying the favor of white women. I am always happy to see interracial couples publicly embracing what may have once been considered forbidden love. The grass roots-level thinking is clearly changing. Neisy, on Oct.4th you responded to my comment on the matter of Proverbs 31:10. You were quite correct. That set of verses (10-through-verse 31) speak of the quantitative value of the priceless female who is a person of evident integrity...and cannot be purchased, bought or enticed by common wealth. At the time, the "ruby" was more generic than specific; as it related to the size, therefore the worth of the jewel. Further,..almost any semi-translucent stone might have been referenced as a ruby...regardless of color; although some were evidently worth considerably more than others. Hence, "her price is FAR ABOVE rubies." Rubies, being plural, is indicative of variety more than quantity. "her price"...would intimate that she did have esteemed value;...however, much higher than common exchange. Only one stone,...would have so-qualified; the Goubish, (if I am spelling it correctly) which may have been an uncut natural diamond. Many wonderful implications here. The section goes on, to explain why her value is so high;...why it is, that to possess her love is of such unfathomable worth. However, as you correctly pointed out,.. to say that this was a reference to an interracial relationship between a black woman and white/ruddy man would be to leap into conjecture, tying the concept to the Song of Solomon 1:5 and chapter 5:10-perhaps 14. And this is what I did... inferring that since this is clearly Solomon's style..to intermarry black princesses in Africa (which he certainly did, by all accounts). Therefore, Proverbs 31:10 spoke of the dowry he was willing to pay... for such a woman of worth...perhaps in diamonds and service of other kinds. While I may be correct in that assumption, it is still conjecture;... and I did in fact, unfairly tie the two thoughts together as you correctly pointed out. Thank you Neisy. You may, of course, contact me if you choose, to obtain more of my research along this line. Having grown up in one of those communities where it was not acceptable for interracial dating or marriage, I have truly done a lot of homework to support my view. That is why I respect the people on this website so much ...for stepping out of the boat on untried water. And it is gratifying to see so many who are stalwart in their interracial position, such as those of you here. I think on the whole,... we can all benefit by the fact the the Scriptures clearly support interracial romance. Do I hear any agreement? .

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  20.   Glock says:
    Posted: 07 Oct 09

    Homesteader, yes I have seen positive changes over the past 20 years. I'm not quite sure what your point is but I am speaking of my experiences, and observations. The good, bad and indifferent.

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  21.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 05 Oct 09

    Glock ; Have you knot seen the Positive changes in the past 20 years ? For all others who read what I write ; We have Experienced change daily in the past two and a half years / These Changes have all been for the Betterment in Our Lives . People came to this site looking for Change in each and everyones Life . Please allow these changes to show in Our Advanced World of Today . Yesterday is dead n' gone . The Future is Tommorrow / Try to Enjoy what so many have worked so Hard to Achieve .

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  22.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 05 Oct 09

    Race is that which we did in Gym class in school [ My own graduation 1966 , I have Witnessed the growth of Knowledge in people with it's Marvelously Magnificent Results daily since ] / Black n' white are the words on these Blogs [ the color of paper and ink } . Tis' amaze Zing the Limited Vocabulary used by older folks on this site [ 18 to 80 Blind Deaf n' LAZY TO ALL THE CHANGES PEOPLE HAVE WORKED SO Hard for ] . Seems 9 years after the Millenium has changed / with all the Advancements in Society . We still continue to try to Live in the Darker ages of Time gone bye . The World has grown / We in Southeast Texas decided to grow with it . Hehe Lol . We at this site should be going with the Flow as the Tides of Life have changed / Stagnation is when the growth has stopped and the Slime covers the pond .

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  23.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 05 Oct 09

    @ wise Choice I agree with that it's an issue for both males and females. I look at IR dating like shopping for a good suit, as you shop around you'll find many that catch your eye but only a few will have that special fit. The thing about dating is it allows you get the feel for the person without a long term commitment upfront. You're allowed to decide if this person is the one that you want to take that "leap of faith" with and move on towards a solid and permanent union.

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  24.   Neisy says:
    Posted: 05 Oct 09

    ???Wise Choice/ I looked in the Bible for the passages in Proverbs Chapter 31 Versus 10, and I was unable to find the information that you spoke of. I would be very interested to be able to find this information, so any help that you can give would be greatly appreciated. As I stated previously, I am a Black Woman that lives in the deep South. I decided to date interracially years ago, and never had a problem until I moved back to my home town. I have found that White Males in general, although they may appear to be interested will not for whatever reason approach me. I don't know if it is the fear of rejection, or if they are still holding on to the old racist attitudes from the past. I am open to dating any good man that I might encounter. I have learned that if I choose to exclusively wait and only date Black Males, then I might eventually become a spinster!lol...I also notice that the White Males that do make attempts to approach me, do it out of curiosity because they've never dated a Black Women before. Trust me, I'm no one's science project or guinea pig!lol...So I dismiss the so called "Curious Georges" of the world. I want someone that is sincere in wanting to find out who I am as a person. I've also encountered those White Males that only want to date me, because they see me as being stunning, gorgeous, or beautiful. Which translates to me, that if I were of average looks and body type, then they wouldn't even take a second look. I wish that the really sincere White Men that see me and are honestly interested would stand up and show a sincere interest. Beauty fades, so If thats all they see, then whats left when the beauty has faded! As for internet sites, the first line of their message is "you are so beautiful" and I wonder did he read my profile? Does he not see that I'm a person with feelings emotions, and lots of passion. What is it? Can they not see past my photo? Would I meet someone on the internet if I didn't post a photo? I would think not! Let me know what you think.

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  25.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 05 Oct 09

    willie827 ; This life is about you and yours / How Happy you make each other . We Laugh with others that we never knew before / We are just people in Love . Personally what others may think is their thoughts and they are Welcome to them . Problems are and always will be / Together you shall learn to conquer them . Enjoy what you two build together as one unit in Love . Do knot waste time worrying what others think .

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  26.   Member says:
    Posted: 04 Oct 09

    This is not the only book or passage which refers directly to interracial relationships and to the most intimate sexually explicit acts between lovers. Those who are closed-minded for religious or "moral" reasons might want to consider this before judging others who choose to follow their hearts. In that regard it is interesting to me that the quality of interracial relationship between a "black" and "white" person is so easily discredited. Virtually every person in Scripture (male or female) ..presumably married or in a committed relationship, chose at least ONE (or more) interracial partners. I challenge any antagonist to name even ONE couple who(provably) was not interracial!! Interraciality (if Webster will accept that term) is self-evident. The (only) possible exception may or may not be found in Genesis...depending on how you understand the historicity of Adam and Eve... who clearly lived in a pre-existing "garden" located in the eastern section of the pre-existing land of "Eden"....and...you really don't want to "go there". But... maybe you do. .

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  27.   Member says:
    Posted: 04 Oct 09

    VELVET63 I'm working on a dissertation; and I can't devote as much time as I might like, to address your interest. However I'm not ignoring you! I will write to your profile-email on this site, a little later on today. To give you more precise (immediate) input, here is a couple verses to get you on the path you seek: It was, in FACT,.. an interracial relationship-- no matter WHAT some anti-interracial people think!!! You might begin with Chapter 1:5 where in beautiful poetic terms the female states her personal plight. Here, like a black Cinderella, she states that she has been forced to labor in the fields and work hard. She talks about how her skin has become blackened by the harsh Sun; yet through the abuse she has survived. She states proudly that in spite of her struggles, she knows she has remained beautiful inside and out!! She says, in romantic prose, "Don't just look on color of my skin and judge me...look deeper into my heart. I know who I am; and I am confident you will agree: I am beautiful...all the way through !!!" Continuing on in chapter 5, verse 9... other (interested) females ask pertinent questions. They curiously ask why she is so intent on only this one particular male, when she could choose from many. They want to know what specifically sets him apart from the rest of the men she is usually surrounded by. Without any hesitation she snaps back a beautifully phrased interlude which indelibly rings .... through the corridors of time and history... exposing the romantic charm that sets so many hearts aflame with the joys of romantic ....pointing vividly to the charming ecstasy of interracial romance! While earlier, she is careful to state that in her opinion, one "skin-color" is not (better) than another, She, non-the-less states here, her particular penchant and preference ... not so much based on skin color, ...but rather, on the QUALITY of mate she has selected. Honorable character is his distinguishing attribute;.. and she points this out emphatically! She likes his qualities of leadership and the respect he garners. Additionally of course, she she admits that she is overcome by his eyes and the way he looks as a man. She continues... to describe the way he "feeds among the lilies". (If you can't handle it, don't read it). But as she begins her dissertation in chapter 5:10... she specifically refers to his interracial qualities. For it is here, where she states emphatically that her (betrothed--not yet married) mate is WHITE and RUDDY.. ...and that she would prefer him above 10,000 others ...of (any) race or skin color!!! In the slim event that the case for interracial romance is not clear enough, she continues in verse 14 .... stating plainly, that even his belly is ivory-white! How can anyone read this passage and miss the message? This love-story clearly and most definitely embraces all of the delicate nuances of interracial romance! How can anyone escape the tender erotic intimacy; as she describes the way he moves upon her body.... and how can the most timid, fail to see that ... he enjoys the succulent pleasures of her loins... as she states clearly that her beloved is "gone down" ....."to feed...in the gardens"...!!! It is at THIS point (chapter 6:3) that she realizes that she has finally "hooked" her man for good!!! "I am my beloved's,...and he..is MINE!! (He feedeth among the lilies)!!" Think for a moment about the comparison between the appearance of a variegated lily and feminine charm. Hmmmm...! Any questions???? Can you deal with that delicious nugget? If so, you'll love it, when you find her going "down" to examine the "vine" and the 'nuts"...later on. But all of this is stated so poetically that few would even notice the import, unless they are intuitive. But now you understand why it is seldom preached from any pulpit..... people find truth very difficult. Expositors often swallow hard at bringing truth to life in a way that may go against the grain of orthodoxy. Church-in-the-box religion would castigate me for being so bold... even though oral sex is clearly referred to! Anyway,... Velvet63,...take time,..and a good breath of fresh air,...enjoy the Song of Solomon for what it is. It's an inspiring love-sonnet of an interracial couple discovering the head-to-two enchantment of pure love!! Shakespeare once wrote, "..men must be taught..as though you taught them not.. ...things remembered,...as though..things, forgot." Perhaps a clearer rendering of the SONG, might be a way to help us men learn the intricacies of love and of loving that we mistakenly think ... we already know. Hmmmm??? I hope so. There are 8 basic love-language groups (not 5) that are common to us humans. We need to learn to use them. Be blessed. .

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  28.   Glock says:
    Posted: 04 Oct 09

    Wise Choice, thank you for the compliments. I can only speak from my personal experiences from the past 20+ years of interracial dating/relationships. Often times, people who engage in interracial dating "look" for the things that others tell them about. They "look" for the "reactions" they're told by others to look for. So when they go out and someone looks at them with their date, they assume the person who told them what to look out for was right. And of course there are times where the looks we get leave no grey area whatsoever. Although most (well over 90%) of my negative experiences about my dating a black woman have been from black men, doesn't mean that when I go into a store or restaurant and black men look at us that I assume it's of a negative nature....why? Because I'm not a mindreader. And frankly I don't care. Why do I need to care what someone else thinks whether they be black or white? If I am going to worry about it then I need to stop the interracial dating altogether. nic281, I have to disagree with your statement that "It's a proven fact that American white men would rather date someone of another race than to date black women". The reason I disagree is because the researchers would have to talk to every single white man from that age group in order for that to be a "fact". Now, if the statement was it's a proven fact that white men from 25 to 35 DATE women of another race, that would be something observable that could be verified quickly just by looking. The term "rather" would require talking to people to find out what their actual preference was.

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  29.   willie827 says:
    Posted: 04 Oct 09

    As I finish reading the notes, I am ever so grateful for the comments of those of you who have come before me. I am "new" to the IR scene and I have been blessed to find someone so fantastic that it blows me away that she is interested in me. We are sure that there will be problems somewhere...we look to those before us for guidance...hoping to be there for the others who follow us. The "mainstream" may not how to handle us, but all we can do is smile and react to them with respect and kindness...that goes a long way...education is a good thing... Thank all of you who comment.

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  30.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 03 Oct 09

    People are all Individuals / To each his own . Surveys are just percentages / collected by people who have nothing else to do . LOL / Enjoy the day - Life is entirely to short to Worry about others Stares as we do knot have any Idea what they may be Thinking . Each must make their own Journey down the Path of Love .

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  31.   nic281 says:
    Posted: 02 Oct 09

    I think Most White American male have more issues with family and friends and so openly dating a black woman can be hard for them, this is a proven fact white American mail between the age of 25-35 will rather date any other race than black where as white American female between the same age group or more open to the idea of dating a black man. The study also found that in Europe the same age group 25-35 or very open to dating black women and you can see many mix couple sometimes with kids than here in the USA I lived in Europe and what I read was so true people or more open to interracial dating than here.

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  32.   WiseChoice says:
    Posted: 02 Oct 09

    That's true, NOPLAYER. And it's cross-spectrum, as I'm sure your realize. That men are often not aware of the idiosyncratic aspects of actually "living" with a mate of a differing cultural group is a fact we all generally accept. For unless a person is in (or has been in) at least one-or-more such relationships in a dedicated way,..it is really not possible (in my view) for one to really know just how much adjustment may actually necessary, in order to maintain mutual compatibility. You've got to really be willing to "get into" the other person's world, in order to understand. I was recently looking at shotgun007's profile. In it, she made a very revealing statement. Shotgun007, I mean my comments in your direction with complete respect and empathy with what you stated. I truly understand. You said, (and I quote, for the benefit of those who may not have briefed it,..ie.:other women): "I'm not looking for "Curious George" guys!! Or those that really aren't sure what they want in a potentially new companion." To me, that's very profound. It displays your understanding of the problem quite well. Many are recently becoming curious. But few are actually strong enough in their own conviction, to take the more serious step of entering into a committed relationship. I wish laugh_sailor were weighing in on this right about now;...I'm sure he has a lot of valuable insight he might offer. However, Shotgun007, ..it could also be said that many women also have no concept of what it may be like,... to enter into a full and completely responsible relationship with a man of another interracial background. I think Ria would probably have enough statistics available to prove that this is a multiple-sided issue. It's NOT just a thing of men not visualizing the common complexity of the interracial exchange. Women don't always seem to "get it" either. Would you agree, NOPLAYER ? .

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  33.   Velvet63 says:
    Posted: 02 Oct 09

    Wise Choice I would love to know where those verses are located. I have truly enjoyed the comments on this blog. What an interesting blog. As I read the responses I was overwhelmed by what was said. I too live in the south where IR dating is still frowned upon. I havesome family members that married interacially and I have never treat them as in-laws but brothers and sisters. I dated interacially for a few years and tried it again later. It waas one of the best relationships I have ever been involved in. We arestill very good friends and often wonder what if. If I had a chance to doit all over again I would definitely have chosen him!

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  34.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 02 Oct 09

    As I looked at the stats I was not surprised. I understand you wont change years overnight and giving the deep rooted and complex issues or race in this country, I'm amazed that IR dating has grown the way it has. You have to bear in mind just because people date IR doesn't mean that they'll marry IR. Trust me, dating is different than marriage and with marriage comes a whole new set of challenges. Online dating is helpful but unless you get out there and get hands-on you're short changing yourself. You can call and chat back and forth but unless you seriously court that person you're wasting your time. Courting is hands-on, up close and direct and this doesn't happen online. IR relationships face many challenges that same race relationships don't and as a result IR reationships require a more intense courtship and without it it's like building a house on a foundation of mud and sand instead of cement.

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  35.   WiseChoice says:
    Posted: 02 Oct 09

    You are SOoooO RIGHT, leaveitobeavr !! If other men begin to see that we are proud of our black woman and lift her to the hilt with respect... I think opinions will shift forward. We need to simply keep doing the things for her that say (not only to her) that we genuinely care. It's time to treat her in public the way we feel. If others have problems with that,...let them learn from (us) how a woman of ANY race should be treated by a man of honor. Show her dignity! Treat her with the dignity she deserves in public! Introduce her to our (white) friends & associates. Let her feel comfortable;-- confident in our love. Perhaps a few of our "friends" will begin to feel ashamed, when they realize we treat our lady like the true QUEEN we (know) she actually is !!! I feel so honored,... when I stop to think that a woman of Nubian beauty would even look upon me with a heart of genuine interest! WOW !!! I can't honestly even imagine desiring to be loved by any other; there is no beauty as precious. Yet I'm sure thousands of other men feel the same. A black woman's love is the most precious gift a white man could ever receive in this lifetime! What else can compare? Read Proverbs 31:10 It's the story,..as you'll see,..of a black woman in love with a white man. And it is without any doubt, a most sensual account of interracial love. Of course, leaveitobeaver, ..it will never make it to the pulpit, in the way it is intended .... It's far too erotic for that!!! But how can you read it...poetically or otherwise, and not see the wonderful sensuality and intimacy of the two interracial lovers who are so explicit. If you find that challenging at all,..just contact me. I will point you to the verses in chapters one-through-eight... which prove it's interracial. In any event, thank you for your good comments. I understand your concerns, Neisy; ,, but rest assured that ALL white men do not back away!!! You can believe that!!! .

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  36.   leaveitobeavr says:
    Posted: 01 Oct 09

    I am a big show off anyway. If i'm with a woman from another race,culture,or creed.I'm like this, "look and say whatever you want."This is my woman and whatever we do is our business.The first thing people need to understand before crossing the boundary.Stay true to yourself.I feel interracial dating is on the rise.We are one race under god and thats the human race.

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  37.   WiseChoice says:
    Posted: 01 Oct 09

    Thanks, Ria, for your wonderful comments. And I agree with Willie827 and with Glock. (How are you, Glock? I always enjoy your comments, even though I don't usually respond. You have a magnificent mind in my view.). I believe there is more genuine need for some form of expansion of the whole interracial dating arena including interracially specific events, Ria. I realize they exist, but are not well-known as they might be. It would be nice to know more about interracial dating clubs, networking groups, etc. I'm sure there are a lot of interracially-favored businesses, cottage industry, parties, fellowships and events...points at which we can connect. This site, as you said,...is a wonderful avenue in which those of us who are exclusively motivated to date and marry interracially can find partners. I am personally thankful for your weekly comments and find it very encouraging in many ways. I agree that some thought-provoking subjects are steamy. But a little steam never hurt anyone! It's good to make people re-think concepts, opinions and really raw subjects that we assume we already understand. In my view, if more men were willing to risk their social view and at least (date) beyond established parameters of tolerance they might find true love. My sister married interracially 30+ years ago and their relationship is rock solid. I have no other desire than the thrill of enjoying a (black) mate. When speaking at events, seminars, etc., I ALWAYS formally recognize my companion, voice my worthy appreciation, involve her in all the interaction. I do get questions from men, who have hesitated to date interracially yet secretly desire to. It's a great opportunity to share my positive experience. However Ria, your discussion-forum, thoughtfully worded comments from Glock, Willie827 and other interracial advocates is powerfully, effective. I wish there was a way I could do even more to promote interracial relationships! People have no idea how great it can be until they venture out. The statistics you quoted mirror past values and social stereo-typography but I truly believe that is rapidly changing in this present internet-age. Don't you? .

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  38.   rarestgold says:
    Posted: 30 Sep 09

    I've gotten the stares and I've gotten lots of curious girlfriends asking me "what's it like?" and I tell them it's just another option to finding love. You can't complain about not being able to find a good man when you limit your choices. I also don't think that White men are less attracted to Black women, I think many of them just don't know how to approach us. The internet has made that easier... God bless the internet!

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  39.   salsera77 says:
    Posted: 30 Sep 09

    I discovered a long time ago that all stares are not meant for ill-will. Whilst they are doing their double takes, some people are fascinated, can't believe what they are seeing, trying to adjust their eyesight, wish they themselves would, and or are probably trying to pin-point specifically exactly absolutely what you are for a few seconds. I think the author of that article hasn't spent enough time researching the world of interracial sites like this one. Thanks for the stats and article, Ria.

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  40.   ms.december says:
    Posted: 29 Sep 09

    The interracial marriage statistics listed here don't surprise me, they actually support the belief that some interracial relationships are more accepted or expected. And while I agree that not all stares are bad, I have to add that the majority of the time, the more commonly accepted or commonly expected interracial couples don't get as many or the same stares that less commonly accepted or expected couples do.

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  41.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 29 Sep 09

    Who cares what others think ? This is Our Life knot theirs .

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  42.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 29 Sep 09

    Correction ; Those that do knot approve do not show their Negativity in Public .

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  43.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 29 Sep 09

    We found Happiness together here . Been married over 2.5 years now . People on the streets that we travel / seem to be satisfied to open conversations with Us . Thank you ria / This site has Made a Difference in Our lives on a More Positive Note . Those that may knot approve / sure nuff do show it in Public . We have our Happiness and Enjoy all we meet .

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  44.   takinitall says:
    Posted: 29 Sep 09

    I can't argue with this article. I don't think white men aren't attracted to black women, from what I'm told they are afraid of how to approach them. I find it easier to date interracially online than in person. Sometimes we (black women) are not allways portrayed in the most positive light. I can understand why white men could be cautious of approaching us. But hey take a chance and enjoy it!

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  45.   shotgun007 says:
    Posted: 29 Sep 09

    Quite naturally as humans we feel more comfortable within our race. The statistics listed above in this article are not surprising, not sure why they would be. Why the author chose to "bold/highlight" 1 of the 2 the phrases above, but that's nothing new judging by some of the past articles on this site. I would be interested in the article the author is referring to, just so I can read these findings for myself. I get starred at all the time when my coworker and I go to lunch (Jason-Caucasian). Primarily from Caucasian women and I can say some are friendly, some not so friendly. It's really silly because all they had to do is look at our white polo shirts with the big "AT&T Bells" stitched to them & they’d realize we were employees out to lunch!!.. LOL. Here in the US, there are just far too many hang ups with race and dating/marrying. Until those of “open” minds that are TRULY open minded dismiss the stereotypes, I can’t really see interracial dating-progress moving as quickly as we would like to.

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  46.   Neisy says:
    Posted: 29 Sep 09

    I agree that some of the stares may be from admiration or envy. However, I have noticed that some White Males still tend to not approach or date Black Woman at the same rate as Black Males. I live in the South, and from my own experiences, I have found that White males are afraid to approach me, much less ask me out. They fear that their family or friends may disapprove. White women and Black men are still the couple that you would most likely see, walking hand in hand, forgetting about everyone else says or thinks.

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  47.   beckylyn says:
    Posted: 29 Sep 09

    >Interracial Dating and the Web Really think the internet has allowed me to expand my social circle to include men of various races and ethnicities from around the country and world. I'm surprised and better understand the qualities and values I seek in a relationship while not having to worry that race matters. The opportunities to discuss interesting topics/other points of view with smart guys from around the world which is rather refreshing. I've even had to retire some of my own TIRED preconceived notions about race too! Urban Coastal and Yankee guys were my faves, they'd been exposed to more cultural diversity. Southern Caucasian and Asian Men have been my biggest surprise; so charming, romantic and downright SEXY. In the past, I thought there was no interest on their part - WRONG. I've found those men to be inspired and inspiring. Individuals who've delved into understanding what inspires him and makes him smile contentedly EVERYDAY really pique my interest. Comfortable, confident self-awareness and self-acceptance is SEXY. Being willing to share that with another is BEYOND COLOR AND ETHNICITY. It's what keeps LIFE interesting and the good vibes flowing! >Who's Marrying Who? Expanded interracial dating is ALL GOOD but MARRIAGE involves blending families, traditions, careers and dealing with prospective in-laws' preconceived notions about race as well as LIFE's ups and downs! I ended an engagement due to extended family AND career issues. I didn't think WE could make it IF either of us did not have family support and it would be career suicide for him. How many Caucasian corporate executives have Black wives? Now that I'm older and divorced, I'm not sure marriage is as important to me as it was in the past, but neither is my previous corporate career.

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  48.   Blueelainel says:
    Posted: 28 Sep 09

    I have encountered the good stare, the bad stare, and the drive up next to you and give you the disbelief stare. I must admit that most of these stares came from black men. I have adjusted to it and I ingore the stares. I consider it their issue and not mine. I refuse to allow other people and their likes or dislikes to dictate who I can or cannot date, that is not an option.

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  49.   Glock says:
    Posted: 28 Sep 09

    I couldn't agree more with your last paragraph about "stares". I have told more than one date that it could very well be a "stare" of admiration and envy versus a stare of "disgust" or "disapproval". Don't always assume that "others" don't approve. They may very well wish it was them that was with your date and not you.

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  50.   willie827 says:
    Posted: 28 Sep 09

    You are oh so right in your comments, especially about this site. I have been lucky enough to find a magnificent and wonderful Lady here. Sites like this one make it so much easier to find someone that is tired of the status quo. Love is where you find it and where you are willing to look. Keep up your blogs, I'll read more. Thanks

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