After reading one of our blog posts I felt compelled to do my own internal investigation. The reality is that I’m still coming down off of last month’s discovery of me possibly being a racist. I’m not sure how much more I can take. It is certainly only my opinion, but it seems that we still do a lot of comparing and complaining ourselves when it comes to the different shades of bigotry.
It’s more than apparent to me that what I’m about to write is like the pot calling the kettle black. It doesn’t escape my notice that as a writer, I am on a daily basis the biggest perpetrator of this action. Knowing this, the question still comes to mind…”Why are we still talking about skin color?”{COLOR_STRUCK_SID_X}.
Why are we still tripping about light skinned versus dark skinned? Why are we still using as an excuse for bad behavior and self hatred, what happened over 200 years ago during slavery? I understand and truly believe that if we do not know our past we are destined to make the same mistakes. However, if we are constantly looking back we can not effectively create a future that is different or any better than the past that we are trying to escape.
Holding on to past atrocities does not make us any stronger than letting go makes us forget. Learn the lesson and move on. If we are still talking about it, writing about it, we continue to get caught up in it. “But it sho’ does make for interesting conversations.” Yeah, it does and that’s why I write about it. Any and every time there is a topic about race…everyone has a comment, opinion something to say. It’s a hot topic, always has been.
However, let me or anyone else write about, oh, I don’t know, maybe a salute to men and no one, or (not nearly as many people), have anything to say. Race isn’t the only issue that gets way too much bad press. How many times have you complained about the quality of lyrics on the radio today? It’s horrible. Let’s see we’ve got Rock, R&B, Rap and now “Musical Porn”. There are alternative artists out there putting out quality clean music, but it’s not as popular and it doesn’t sell as much. It’s the same with the race issue. There are tons of “other” things that we can talk about but, it seems that nothing stirs your passion as much as a good fight about color.
We’re so quick to jump on someone for having an opinion or preference that is contrary to our own. Go back and read some of the comments from last months “Race topic”. We are supposed to be the more understanding. I don’t know why I think this. Some of your comments were hateful. Not only were there attacks on one man’s character, some went as far as calling his girlfriend ignorant. Why, because he told the truth about his preference not to live next door to black people? I don’t want to live next door to some black folks my damn self and I certainly don’t want to live in nor near a trailer park; does that make me a racist?
When did we start talking to each other and acting like “they” act at the other dating sites? Is the truth that WE are THEM? Is the only difference that we express our right to make a different racial choice when it comes to dating? However, we still think like THEM? So, tell me why is it that we can’t move beyond this issue? Why don’t we want to? Who’s really keeping the race game going, is it them or us?
Oh, I forgot…we’re one in the same. I can’t wait to read these comments!
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You tell him Coco!!!
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Well, I for one saw it and see it all over the place.
My preference and prejudices were definitely learned. I no longer fight with it as much, as I am more true to myself.
In CO – blacks were the minority (when I lived there in the early 80′s). My mother came home upset many a nights when hanging with her friends (a mixed group). She would meet a BM, he would be nice to her but flat out tell her he only dated WM. She was mad, angry, the list goes on. She already had her own biases and prejudices and really would come home and nail me with them.
While she will now have the selective parental memory and claim to net remember. She came home a few times telling me that I better not bring home some blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy telling me you are going to marry him.
Uhhhm I was still busy being the quarterback for our team (the only girl) and boys were only good for playing sports and roughhousing (at that time).
She eventually got fed up and moved us to philly. Talk about culture shock. Black people hated everyone including other black people. So I became angry at the world, especially my mother.
I was always attracted to (and still am) Asian and Indian men, but according to everyone else they were eh-hem “taking over the neighborhoods”. So in my mind they were off limits according to my mothers family and neighbors.
I knew the first chance I got I would leave. I was hated because I was smart, yes because I was darker, I “talked white”, and didn’t act like I was trying to hump everything with a penis when puberty finally hit.
So…I was a square, outcast, weird. yep I hated them back – but it was their hearts I hated not their skin.
My mother on the other hand got worse, she hated White, Asian,& Indian people even more. And yes she fell into that if a girl was mixed or lighter with curly or straighter hair, she was a pretty little thing.
If she was a brown to black baby she was a bit cute, but she would give that fake laugh.
She would get mad at me for dating fair-skinned black guys.
Me – hey not perfect. I went through my moments of “down-with-whitie” or “down-with-the-man” while in undergrad.
As far as the videos, yep got mad they only had lighter-skinned girls on there.
Then with true friends who forced me to look inward, I had to examine my own heart to find out what I really stood for, and against. Not what my family wanted me to stand for. That was also because while attending a black college I had it bad for a Red-haired, blue-eyed guy, and felt guilty about it. No we never got together, he was dating some ditz (nope she was black, just she was a ditz because he wasn’t with me
)
We are all people seeking love and more. Now admittedly – I am NOT going to just up and live near or move into a trailer park, but if you saw a sitter I trusted for my child – you would have swore that was where she lived. But she took care of my daughter very well, and many times my daughter didn’t want to come home when it was tim to pick her up.
But I also will not on the challenge of a “Cabrini Green” type home-life either. But when seeking a place to live I DO look for a more mixed population.
It is funny living on other places, I can somewhat pick out an individuals’ ethnicity. My friends would say how do you know, or why does it matter.
I jokingly tell others who don’t understand, that while living in Philly I learned you must know a person’s race and ethnicity so you can properly discriminate against them.
Others who live there may disagree, but that IS what I learned living there.
My mother has since calmed down. she still has her stories of someone being prejudice. Although admittedly she is NO bed of roses when having to deal with her. We live many miles from her, and probably for the better.
Now she just hopes to see me married, “race unimportant” but when the do Right edition of Essence came out, she was quick to call me about it.
Will she be ready for the IR-bombshell when the time comes to introduce my fiance? (no I’m not even dating anyone right now – just saying)
Maybe she will maybe she won’t. But I will have Him ready for her.
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People need to get over the color barrier and how we as people, adults with children teach and react to our children is as important step. This topic has been spoke on so many times, I have lost count. It boils down to teaching our children that everyone no matter the color of skin the religion they practice, the traditions they uphold are the same. We all are humans with the smae basci needs.
I was raised in the south Tennessee to be exact, my father was not openly objective to his children mingling with other races but as for himself he had his own private standards. I as a young man was expected to marry within my own race and as an obediant child I did but the realtionship ended in divorce. I now date exclusivley outside my race. Not because I am prejudice but as my preference. I actually never was attracted to white women but married one because I was by society expected to do so, I have since left my home state, military and life and at the age of 30 finally woke up and decided to follow my own heart and not someoneelses expectation of me. I have dated black women since that time as well as other races and ethnicities but primarily black women. I am drawn to their honesty, their strength, and their personna. I have white women friends but they are just friends and all my friends and family are understanding in my choices of a soul mate. Pejudice? NO Preference? Yes it is my prefences. A man or woman has certain attractive attributes that others are drawn to mine are a complexity of prefernces which I mentioned just a few above. A person has to look inside themselves and to be totally honest with themselves before they can truely be one with themselves in a relationship whether it be in or outside their race. Look for the mate that will be one with your soul.
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LOL Anyone that reacts to anyone else, in any way just because of appearances is not only shallow, if the color of the person’s skin has anything to do with it, you may just be a racist. Thanks for admitting there are black ones too. No reason any group should pretend they walk on water or are immune to it. We ARE all human first and foremost.
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It’s really kind of pathetic to see so many people here mewling about “I dated a white guy” or “I’ve gone out with several black women” and all of that nonsense. Please pull up a seat to the reality table: We are ALL prejudiced, my dear friends! Whether we prefer a certain color or race of person (which will mostly be a matter of your personal bias – or do you really prefer a dark-skinned Latin American man to a light-skinned Sudannese African man after you find out “how they’re labelled”?), we will always have some level of prejudice towards or against someone, somewhere, at some time. Don’t believe it? Think of how you treat…mmm, fat people, old people, black/white/brown/yellow people (color, mind you; skin tone does not always equal race placement), homosexual people, religious people, loud people, quiet people, short people, dumb people, mentally challenged people…you get the point. We’ll always have some subset of people that we unconsciously or consciously think of as less than us. Anyone on this posting who thinks this is harsh or makes me a bigot is entitled to that opinion. Anyone who thinks this is not TRUE is either a fool at best or a blatant liar at worst.
Here’s the key, my friends…are you able internally to recognize your prejudices and to master them, to control them? Can you look at a job applicant, a co-worker, a new neighbor, and keep a separate personal opinion from their professional/neighborly worth?
I work with people that I naturally like more, and I work with people that I just get the “heebie jeebies” from. I like to assume that it’s because I’m a good judge of character. I would be insane if I actually believed that! Fact is, I see my prejudices quite clearly, and have been forced to sit down at times and go over how I treat those I like and dislike. He’s a cocky lowlife…but does he do his job well and with integrity? She’s a gossipy downer…but does she handle clients with style and verve? My neighbor’s an ass…but does he directly interfere with the way I live?
Acknowledge the obvious, folks…prejudice is far more than a white, or black, or rich or poor thing. Poor white people can be just as prejudiced as rich black people can. Illegal non-English speaking border crossers from Quebec can be just as prejudiced as a successful Mexican doctoral candidate can be. An Iranian engineer can be just as prejudiced as an Israeli tank driver can. Our goal, then, should not be to eradicate prejudice, because it will never happen regardless of the amount of education and culture people have. Our goal should be the thoughtful, reasoned, lawful decision each of us make to be fair and just to others…not to try to like them.
Oh, and by the way…I’ve dated several white people before, and some black and brown people also. I’ve been selected for a professional position because of my skin color, but also denied a job opportunity because of it. I grew up with both financial privilege and financial hardship. Everyone but myself drives like an idiot, but then again, I drive like an idiot sometimes. I wish some types of people would fall down a hole and vanish, but I sure as hell don’t want to live in a neighborhood where everyone looks and acts just like me. I’ve stopped to help people who look like someone else, and I’ve driven right by them. I don’t like you, but you’re damned good at what you do. You’re my pal, but you suck at what you do. I am no more racist or sexist or classist than you are, which means I’m racist, sexist and classist – and yes, I’m talking to YOU. I like to think I’m fair, but I’m not. I don’t think I have to work to treat people fairly because I think I’m a good person…but I’m not.
It’s probably just me…but it’s not.
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The origional issuewas disliking white girls that taught hip hop and how that was probably prejudice. Well I’m as white and country as you can get but it doesn’t offend me to see black people show up and line dance. Out here in rural Missouri thats what we do and black folks out here are part of that same we.To me its a little silly to worry bout this kind of crap. Are we perfect? absolutely not. Do we have asses of all races? absolutely yes. Just my thoughts
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I’m really glad this conversation is happening too. I think Letisha started out with the Light/Dark skin controversy which is still perpetrated by both lighter and darker skinned people in ALL ethnicities. Yep, I heard a Caucasian woman tell some talk show host of color that she was treated differently from her sibs because she was the darkest skinned child in the bunch(brunette hair, dark eyes skin with a warmer skin tone; the others were blonder,cooler skin coloring, lighter eyes)! Of course looking at the ‘downtrodden’ sib vs. her blonder sister, I really couldn’t say she was ‘darker’, but the Native American heritrage they had was slightly more obvious in her coloring. Her heartache was that she didn’t feel ‘white’ enough to fit! I didn’t want to laugh, but it was interesting that she thought ‘dark’ was so negative. It was repeated over and over until the host(a person of color)had to show her that her ‘darkness’ was a perception, compared to the host’s skin tone, she was as fair as her sister! The ONLY time I had the light skinned hate was when I was 14-17, a teen who was a very tall, very skinny, big booty brownskinned chica in a mostly Latino populated high school, and all the boys(Black and Latino) wanted Latina or light skinned Black girls with “good hair”,(the stuff that just gets curly or wavy when wet, long, and home grown), filled out and busty, and light colored eyes(hazel, green or blue). However, no matter how jealous I was of my girlfriends who were lighter skinned or Latina, I knew there would be “my time”, when I would finally come into my own. I would say that was from age 19 to now, it’s my time! As long as that lightskinned woman is as pleasant a human being can be and treats me the same way I treat her, I don’t care how light she is. KindaCowboy, as for line dancing, one of the most popular line dances come from clubs that play Black music! Y’all do the “Electic Slide”, right? That’s a dance that was called “The Bus Stop” in the 70′s(and it’s still the Electric Slide now)! The “Soul Train” is another form of line dancing from Don Cornelius’ show of the same name! And WeAreAllPrejudiced intentions are correct, humans are equipped with prejudice, while it may spin out of control because of myths about others, those prejudices are also an instinct that is a survival skill. I don’t care what color the family is who lives next to me, as long as they care about what their house and property looks like, and will look out for their neighborhood and community. The minute someone who won’t keep up their house and lawn on the outside, keeps the neighborhood up all night with loud music and noise and drunken friends who have to scream profanities or their wild sex stories every weekend, has an obnoxious car with an purposely obnoxious muffler that has to be revved nonstop at 3 a.m. every morining while playing cheesy dance music, cussing out someone on their cell phone, or yelling for someone inside the house because they need a soda or some water are the neighbors from hell. Hmmm, it seems I’ve decsribed the college students living two houses down from me who rent housing every year! See, asinine behavior knows no color, socioeconomic bracket or ethnicity!
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