Is a divorce proof marriage a reality?

Posted by Ria, 03 Apr 12

When in a committed relationship, having the rise in divorce rate shoved down your throat isn't something you want to hear. The worst thing is coming across headlines like "Heidi Klum and Seal divorce". This is the couple I have always wanted to be like; especially the bit where they renewed their vows every year. And just when you have pictured how you will be doing all this once you get married … BAM! You get whacked with their divorce news and how its been a long time coming. Really?

'Nuff about those two. The thing is, when about to make that huge "I DO" step, most people would love to have some assurance that its gonna be their first (even second or third - if you are there already) and the last time they will say "I DO". But knowing that even the Seals and Heidi Klums of this world have failed at it, are there things you can do while in your committed relationship NOW that might rearrange the cards for you and secure your relationship from finding itself on the divorce road?

Relationship expert Janie Lacy has a few tips on how this can be done. And her emphasis is to have a vision for the life ahead of you … plan it like you would plan a vacation. Take a look at the video.

Based on what she says, do you believe divorce proof marriages can be a reality for America?

4 responses to "Is a divorce proof marriage a reality?"

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  1.   SugahRush says:
    Posted: 07 May 12

    DEFINITELY!!! A divorce-proof marriage is and can be a reality, however, the following however are not a reality in MOST divorce-proof marriages...in ANY marriage for that matter. An easy marriage; drama-free marriage; constantly exciting marriage; hot-sex-on-demand all the time marriage; 'He/She NEVER looks at another hot/hard body at church/mall/work' marriage; A "he-never-has-a bout with ED marriage' & she never-has-a-headache/cramps marriage. 'There are no "comin'-at-the-same time- every- time, so-good-we-scream our own names every night" marriages, either. AND there are no marriages devoid of Flannel gowns/holey sweats/Granny Panties/Emergency draw's/ Favorite Frat-Brother Boxers/Lucky Draw's!!! There are also no "I-will-choose-the-sins/mistakes-you-can/can't-commit-against-me/us---I WILL BE JUDGE, JURY & EXECUTIONER! marriages (at least none which work.) . It's marriage. There are also NO... "Always 50-50 marriages; he/she-never-settles-for-less-than marriages; no smooth sailing all the time marriages; no Never-went-to-bed-hurt/angry/sad/lonely marriages; no-fireworks-every-kiss-marriage; no "never-question-why-I'm-in-this-thing/ can-I-do-better? marriages"; no "He-&-I-against-the-world" marriages and "no-I-meet-every-need-he/she-has marriages." There are no "there's always enough money" marriages; or "your body will be high/tight/firm/perky & hot always" marriages. BUT there are times each will "wish I could take the hurt away/take my words back/turn back time and get a do over." There will also be more than a FEW nights on a couch and in the dog-house. It's marriage. There are no:" I'll NEVER HURT YOU, BABY marriages; and no-100%-honesty-openness-even-on-the little things" (because sometimes you just gotta lie that the dry chicken & lumpy potatoes are good and the new cologne smells good--even though it smells like pickled yak-ass). There are no "I'll NEVER wanna walk/run away/throw my hands in the air" marriages. There are NO "that never makes your butt look big/flat/droopy"marriages........But there ARE times that I wanna "Throw mamma from the train"...and wish you'd shut the hellup during my game/show/favorite song/quiet time!!. And there are no 'you're so perfect,I'm so perfect, so we must be perfect all the time (I mean...WHOSE perfection would we be doing anyway?) I'm not a Debbie-Downer!! I was in a LONG term marriage and in my family, SECOND marriages often reach over 30yrs before death. Dad & Granddad both surpassed 50 yrs before spousal death. It was about the level of commitment of both parties. Those who WANT a divorce-proof marriage made INDIVIDUAL commitments that "divorce is not an option". They then chose partners who had made the same INDIVIDUAL commitment. This is one of the first "common goals/values" etc. I'm just saying that love isn't something we 'FALL' into, but an action to which we deliberately commit. It's a gift we discipline ourselves to give another unfailingly, every hour of everyday...even when it would be easier to give it to another or even when we no longer see the fireworks or feel the tingles or it's no longer fun, firm, or fantastic! Love isn't blind, but it is blinding. It sees the good--YES-- but love illuminates the "bad & the ugly, too", and requires that we see those through the grace which has been given to us. To have a "divorce-proof" marriage, one must Commit to forgiving the unforgivable--repeatedly. Commit to forgetting the unforgettable and commit to Loving the unlovalble when it's hardest to do so. Grungy, grimy, painful work...Not fun,sweet & romantic at all. Well, Commitment isn't always convenient..... In fact, COMMITMENT isn't about convenience at all. Think on these things... ~SugahRush

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  2.   ramoga says:
    Posted: 08 Apr 12

    I would say marriage is not a reality. My parents have been married for over 40 years. Watching them makes me love it.. Never ever seen them argue or disrespect each other. The 1st, thing my mom told me is they took time to get to know each other before they rushed to the altar which is one thing pple don't do. They get caught up in there emotions without thinking. 2nd, communicate a lot. Discuss finances- discuss spending issues, savings, sex- be open sexually don't be shy to tell ur partner what u enjoy, talk about issues that are on ur mind....etc If u see tht ur partner did something u dnt agree with, discuss- talk it out in a civil way. Watch the words you use all the time. Do not go to bed angry or upset at each other. 3rd , work as a team. It helps build a strong bond btwn the two of u. Do things together around the house, plan things together like vacations, family trips, parties. Etc. 4th, choose your friends wisely. The people around you or hengout with will affect a lot of things e.g way of life. 5th always create tym for the both of you. Keep the spark goin.

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    • NOPLAYER says:
      Posted: 09 Apr 12

      You're 100% right about wisely chosen the people you hang out with because sometimes they're the biggest sources of drama and I'll have to include in-laws because sometime they should be out-laws (meaning keep them out out your zone). LOL

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  3.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 06 Apr 12

    I had an older guy at work thats been maried for over 37 years tell me, "Man the secrete to a long and lasting marriage is, "don't break up with your gilrfriend once you get married!" I ask, "what kind of game is you running are you trying to get me cut?" He said, "no stupid, KEEP your wife as your girlfriend once you get married by continuing to do the things you did when you were dating!" He told me son, "me and my wife still go out to the movies, we're aways flirting with eachother, we go to carnivals, and we screw more than college students!" Your marriage is like your bank acount you, can only get out of it what you put into and he said despite having four children they made time for their marriage. Who says a man should lose his wife because she becomes a mother and vice verse? He told me how him and his wife took up ballroom dancing about three years ago and now the passion burns hotter than it did 20 years ago. Must important he told me, "son whatever you do, don't stop chasing her because when you start to act like you've caught her and the chase is over, you'll start to lose her so never stop looking for ways to enjoy eachother's company!" I personally don't believe in a divorce proof marriage but I do believe you can do things that can reduce the chances of your marriage failing, it all depends on how much you're willing to put into your marriage. I guess "Old Leotis" knows what he's talking about he's been married almost 40 years.

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