Is dating White men trading up?

Posted by Ria, 17 Jan 11

dating white menLast year, there was a media obsession with single Black women. Lots of dating advice has been offered by relationship experts, with a few theories emerging. Well, the most common so far is, since there is a shortage of Black men, Black women should stop waiting for the Black prince charming and cross the racial bridge - and more specifically, date White men.

Well, there is nothing wrong with dating White men. But if you look at the reasons being cited, on why Black women should date White men, there is this notion that White men are better than Black men. Are they really?

The thing is, just as people claim most Black men are out of work and have bad credit, there will also be White men who are the same. Some White men will be unfaithful or have two or more relationships running concurrently. Some will serve jail term. Some will have poor communication skills. All these bad traits people claim Black men have are traits that can very well be found in White men.

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

So I think those urging Black women to date White men should encourage them to do so for the reason of finding love and that love doesn’t have to come exclusively from a Black man; as opposed to making interracial dating sound like a plan B or a revolution.

Do the people who urge Black women to date outside their race really believe it’s gonna be some form of improvement? And why do they insist that they specifically date White men? Do they really think dating White men is trading up?

79 responses to "Is dating White men trading up?"

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  1. Posted: 05 Aug 11

    How is going out with a white man who hates us a trade up ? Who used to kill us and still does.... a trade up ? What kind of sickness is this ?

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    • sodamnsweet says:
      Posted: 12 Sep 11

      Are you responsible for every black man that has killed, raped, or contributed to the downward spiral of our community? No? Didn't think so! Every white man is not a killer, rapist, or a slave owner so what's the real issue here? The past is to be studied and through that we're supposed to evolve into better people, better humans. The dreams of those that fought for our rights as black people did so in order for us to have the freedom we have today including the freedom to love with what's in our hearts and not the ignorance shielding our eyes. I guess you believe in the "stripes and spots" deal. What kind of sickness is that?

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  2.   sbuttrflyy says:
    Posted: 22 Apr 11

    Trading up is not at all the issue. When I met my guy, he didn't have anything. (Literally, no car at all) He was in my town working. What he did have was a charming smile, stimulating conversation and most of all, he had goals and was motivated. We instantly connected and bonded and I now that we are married, life is different. I believed in him and we support each other 100%. In my previous relationship, we had a lot of "stuff", but no substance. When you say trading up you tend to think of having more "things" or "benefits", but it should really be about creating support and acceptance and love with two individuals. The shallowness that defines some relationships is sad and it misses the whole point.

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  3.   patti43 says:
    Posted: 14 Feb 11

    @Noplayer thanks. Just to let you know, I agree with a lot you have stated. I may not have commented, but I've given you a thumbs-up. Peace and Love:)

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  4.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 10 Feb 11

    @ patti43 Thank you, it's about time somebody rescued BM, we've been taking a beating ! LOL Ladies Lord knows some of us (BM) have put BW through hell and plus some more and while I defend BM I do know that many of us at the moment are readly for relationships because we have too many internalized issues that play out in our relationships and we end up making a mess of things. It's not only BM but some BW have some inner work to do as well, although most of their issue are an after effect of dealing with BM with too many issues. I've always said when we BM catch a cold BW catch pneumonia. We both have to be on the look-out for the tell-all signs that someone just might not be healthy enough at the moment for us to invest our time and energy in a relationship with them. If you see a person coughing and sneezing thats a sign they got a cold, so stay away from them until they're better but if you fail to use your God-given common sense and end up with a cold yourself then you have no one to be mad at but yourself. I'm with you patti43 why blame an entire group of men or women for an individual's lack of good judgement. Love and be loved! Peace

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  5.   nafahamu says:
    Posted: 10 Feb 11

    Too much negativity towards each other guys.... My Black and White brothers and sisters, come to the UK, I'll organise a BBQ and I'm sure once we all sit down with good food (yes we have good food here) and drink, we'll all get on like a house on fire :)

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  6.   Jo09 says:
    Posted: 10 Feb 11

    To all of you, I think this debate although on a twisted level is necessary but somehow irrelevant since we are all in a site that clearly states "interracial". Necessary because some of us need to vent, and irrelevant due to the location we have chosen to conduct this much needed discussion. It goes without saying that most of us are searching for other options whether in dating other race or species all together (just kidding). I personally chose this site to permit white men that would normally hesitate to contact me on other dating sites due to cultural reasons of course. People tend to fear the unknown. I sign up on this site for more choices not because I want to exclusively date white men. At least on my part I am opening my horizons not because I want to "upgrade, downgrade or trade up" whatever those words mean. Words can uplift or denigrate. Lets just give everyone a chance to a little happiness and not judge them base on their preferences or lack thereof. I am pretty sure given a choice a few of us would have opted to settle down with their own race. I command everyone that would chance to date outside their race. It is not easy for either black or white. Talk about introducing them to the family, friends and other important members of our daily life. Not an easy task for the black or white person that would have to stand and defend their love. Both parties would need to be extremely courageous. It would take tremendous effort and guts to voluntarily commence an adventure this magnitude. It would be very taxing on both individuals. If a black woman called a brother the N word it is still quite offensive but not degrading. It also goes for a black person that would call a white person a cracker or something of the sort. If same race that person would probably retort with a few barbs, but nothing insulting enough that would make the other start questioning if their significant one is a racist. So this idyllic interracial relationship talked on this blog is not going to be without a few bumps. I understand if God chose for me to start dating a white man, I am going to have to control my innocent racial joke that may not be so acceptable. Everything is not as black and white. We would need abundant tolerance. I have mentioned earlier that black men have issues but believe it or not white men have their own. How about when they are just curious about how we are in the bedroom? Some of them just want to fulfill a fantasy. They are not as peachy and cream either. Some do not even have anything plan in the future for black women. Dont get fooled by all those attentions. I love to bask on them for a while, but my feet are on the ground. I am not bringing Eminem home if it is not alright to bring 50 cents. I have seen some black women with some white men that are very questionable, come on! I wanted to tease the black men a little by my earlier comments, but really all men are alike. It just depends of their upbringing. A woman, who finds a good man these days, should first thank God and then their mother or whoever brought that guy up regardless of their skin color. It is a learned behavior when someone can be considerate to one another. I am a black woman and just would like to find someone I can laugh, cry and have decent non-violent argument with from time to time. I detest scenes. I avoid them like the plague. I think we should refrain from slamming each other. It is a hard world everyone has been hurt somehow, somewhere by a man or woman again regardless of their color. So lets keep it civilized and refrain from generalizing. One or even a few men or women do not represent a whole community, race or nation. We have let those who have hurt us in the past continue to hurt us every time we refuse to trust and love someone who resemble them. The sad part is that those people who have hurt us often time have already found someone and living their lives, here we are in the world trying still trying to piece our shattered hearts by taking our frustrations out on other people. I also think it is inconsiderate for the author to ignite a debate of this degree by writing this debris in a site such as this. If he or she was short of materials they could just write something about cupid since it would be valentine day soon. I would not take kindly of a debate like that if I were a white person trying to date a black person. I would immediately think that members are not genuine about dating a black person or a black person dating a black person. Who knows one of us may well be on the way of finding a match with our own race on this site. Would not it be ironic? Lets not jeopardize our chances at something that may be decent by making ignorant comments due to stressful or upsetting moments. God bless all of youhopefully we will transfer this energy into finding someone that may be able to cicatrize our past hurts.

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  7.   patti43 says:
    Posted: 10 Feb 11

    @Benita. I agree about the heart part as well, but as you read through, unfortunately a lot of it is about color and negative stereotypes associated with color. Some Black women, are angry with, and blame Black men, as a race. Some don't say, the Black men" they" have dated treated them bad. So here's to the women who continue to negatively, stereotype Black men: If you have a string of Black men who have treated you badly, don't be angry with them because you put up with it. You don't have to be angry with yourselves either, but if you can look past your reflection in the mirror, ask yourselves why do you put up with it because you don't have to. You have a choice so don't blame him if you decide to embrace his unsavory behavior. Contrary to what appears to be popular belief by some women,it's not just Black men. Benita may God bless u2 and thank you:-)

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  8.   Benita20 says:
    Posted: 09 Feb 11

    Well for me i believe that it's the inner part of us which is the the heart that matters , But when you talk of the race and coloure , No ..No. Because God created us the same ways it's only that the way we are brought up and the groups we join when we are old , the bad behaviour people copy from other s make them bad people or race, Its sometimes bad that most people want to enherit bad behaviors insteady of avoid them .. It is going to take ages for such people to change and they will continue spoiling others that have weak brain. Here in Uganda, a big number of people are Blk but you find that there those who are bad and good Iam sorry the mistakes inside but i enjoy this discussion. Bless you all Benita20

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  9.   patti43 says:
    Posted: 09 Feb 11

    Lol Eddy babe, sweeet! Thank u, u get where I'm coming from. Lol

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  10.   patti43 says:
    Posted: 08 Feb 11

    Aww thank u Eddy and yes, really rethink the troll business. We happen be rainbow-colored trolls too, not just Black and White. The snow here is melting and all the sexy trolls will be exiting from under the bridge, coming your way because I've told them how sweet you are! Lol

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    • Posted: 09 Feb 11

      @Patti43 Thanks,sweetie ! Send them all my way.Party and EddyReady/BigTen's house.Free zebras for everybody ! All you ladies on here are invited too!

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  11.   patti43 says:
    Posted: 08 Feb 11

    @Noplayer, I'm with you all the way, every word and thank you:)

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  12.   patti43 says:
    Posted: 07 Feb 11

    @ Black 93 oh sorry orange 93.I guess Black men aren't the only negative folks around. Your comment toward me was negative solely based on my entitled opinion. I thought this was a blog, but since I'm Black I'm probably wrong. Did a Black man pass his negativity to you by way of genetics? I don't care if you broaden your horizons or your mind because I don't know you. It is quite evident that if you feel all good Black men are taken, gay, and you think I, the troll, will name positive music for you,it's far worse than I imagined. Negative comments, plus narrow horizons, equals narrow minds. Why such animosity orange, it's a blog! Anyway orange I'm a very kind, happy person and being the sexy troll that I am, I'm not willing to make time for your rudeness or animosity so say,say,say what you want. Who sings those words in a duet? Lol

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    • Posted: 08 Feb 11

      @Patti43 If you are a troll you are a very,beautiful one ! I need to rethink this troll bussness,lol ! EddyReady/bIgTen cares

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  13.   natural_32 says:
    Posted: 06 Feb 11

    I don't think dating white men is trading up. Dating any man to improve your social/economic status (the trophy) would be trading up. I tend to look at the man and not the color but I have caught flack from many who believe that black woman should "save the community" by wanting to date and marry a "good black man". Sure, there are out there but I've lived all over this country and I've never limited my options due to skin color. That's an individual preference but to me, it's shallow. Then again, everyone is entitled to have his or her own personal preference. Unless I'm willing to spend the rest of my life curled up with a black ken doll in my bed, I should be able to date and love whoever respects and loves me unconditionally without feeling like i have to constantly carry the entire black community's problems into my dating/love life.

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  14.   debro says:
    Posted: 04 Feb 11

    I endorse most of what thickness 27 said. I have dated both black and white men and white men are more forthright. They treat me better. All women deserve to be loved and cherished and it sometimes seem like black women get the least of that in their own race. I see it all the time when black man makes it they marry a woman from another race, like we are not good enough. The rest just settle for a black woman because they have no money or they cannot do better. I say that only because the black women they settle with complain of mistreatment all the time. it is sad but in my experience it is true. There are however good black men out there who value black women but few! I can honestly say my brother-in law is one of the good ones, he is an ex empler. If all black men were like him there would be no need to say what I said however there is a need I am not telling untruth.

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  15.   elaine says:
    Posted: 02 Feb 11

    There isn't no problem for a black woman to date a white man . I have been with a white man for 19 years and never be ashamed we got two children together . So black woman don't be ashamed to date a white man .

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  16.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 31 Jan 11

    @ julius - I whole heartedly agree with you, date who you want but don't dog me and other BM. @ BM & BW - During the time I've been on this site I hardly if ever hear men or women from other ethnic groups tear down eachother the way some of us do. If they've decided they'd rather date someone other than their own, they state their preference and they quitely go on about their business, you don't see them dogging out eachother on this site. I'm sure men and women from every ethnic group may have something they may not like about eachother but they don't show their behinds like some of us do. Do I have a few issues with some BW, sure I do but I don't allow it to effect how I handle BW in private or in public. I regard us as family and I'd never put family business out in the public especially on an IR dating site, now once we get behind closed doors then we can deal with what needs to be delt with but never in public. I'm no hard core black radical by no means but I have enough racial pride and self-respect than to say some of the things that I see some of us say about eachother on this blog. Damit! If you have no racial pride at least have some self-respect, oops I'm sorry you cant have one without the other! I'll close with one of grandma's quotes, "Get mad if ya want but you know I'm telling it right!" Peace !

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  17.   SS says:
    Posted: 30 Jan 11

    One has to reach a point where one takes responsibility for ones own life. A person cannot continually blame another group for his or her own failed mindset. If a black woman wants to date a white man then she is free to do so. The reason should only matter to her and that particular man.

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  18.   chyna899 says:
    Posted: 30 Jan 11

    Does race really matter?...Society has definitely impacted us to a certain extent. I don't believe any of that trading up nonsense...we should all just follow our hearts' desires...To me I look for one who just accepts me the way I am, one whom I can confide in at all times, definitely one who is not ethnocentric. Ive never dated outside my race before but I'm always open to it and if it just so happens that I find 'the one"...the color of their skin would never be a deterrence

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    • julius says:
      Posted: 31 Jan 11

      Dear chyna899 A world without prejudice is what furture generations need to strive for. But its not only race that causes contention, we must not forget religion. We need to create a world where someone race or religion should not bar any man or woman from true love.I think like you and think this upgrading thing is nonsense and very insulting to black people.I would never treat a woman better just because she is not black, the very idea i find abhorrent and insulting to the black women in my family and my black female friends. I have no respect for black men and woman who do thing that dating white is trading up, and i think these people are the real haters of decent IR couples. I wish you all the best and hope that you get a quality man of what ever colour he may be.

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    • Posted: 31 Jan 11

      @Chyna899 That is the right way and attitude to look at it baby girl,cool! EddyReady/BigTen cares

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  19.   julius says:
    Posted: 28 Jan 11

    Dear Alchemy73 The first thing i said was iam not against IR relationships and iam certainly not angry at Happy_girl for prefering white men, Thats her choice and if it makes her happy well who am i to stop someone else happyness.So it seems that you are the one who is making incorrect assumptions. Then what does makes me angry; well black men and women who think that dated white is upgrading, and believe me there is a lot more of them type of people than we like to admit, and black men and women who to justify dating out of their race they slag of their own race, IE black men slagging off black women and black women slagging off black men.In my mind go out with another race but dont slag of your own, I hope that is perfectly clear to you, Also there are two more points i like to make to you, point one 90% of black american men date their own race, and point two you talk about breaking the rules, well if you know your history you should know that it was white men made the rules preventing IR relationships. He had the power and he used it to prevent black and white marriage where ever he when. Today we live with the consequence of his ignorant and it will take many a generation before the damage he had done to be forgotten if ever

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    • SS says:
      Posted: 30 Jan 11

      One has to reach a point where one takes responsibility for ones own life. A person cannot continually blame another group for their own failed mindset. If black women want to date white men then they are free to do so. The reason should only matter to her and that particular man.

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      • Posted: 31 Jan 11

        @SS It all goes back to that old saying,follow your heart ! Let your heart control your life.Take care! EddyReady/BigTen

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  20.   julius says:
    Posted: 28 Jan 11

    All i can say Nashuaone is that more white woman go out with black men than black women with white men so you better tell your white bros to step up!!!!!!!

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    • Posted: 31 Jan 11

      @Julius You are totaly correct with your statement,Julius ! But is the reason's real or just for show and because they see other's doing it ! I know it works both ways ,but not as much as with black women and white guys. EddyReady

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  21.   Alchemy73 says:
    Posted: 28 Jan 11

    Well Julius, it seems that you are again making incorrect assumptions. I think you should thoroughly reread my above post. I already addressed that I don't like the term 'trading up' used by anyone in terms of who they're dating. I think you're angry at Happy_Girl because of her preference to date White men, based on what I can tell from her post. I think you have resentment, because you would rather see Black women dating ONLY Black men. And yet again, like other Black men who I've seen online (i.e.YouTube), I see that you've again chosen to insult her, saying that she feels inferior to White women. I don't think that's the case, and it certainly isn't the case for me! My fellow tubers can attest to that. And riddle me this: this is an Interracial dating site, after all. So, what's your preference? Because I, unlike you, won't make assumptions about that. However, I know for a fact that some of the very same Black men who get upset about Black women dating/marrying outside their race are the first ones to A) Criticize, demean, and verbally assault the very women that they are coveting, and B)will ONLY date non-Black women! This is highly suspect, hypocritical, and just disgusting! And a double slap in the face as well! Now I know you don't know me, and I don't know you, but you see where I'm going with that. As for Black women being accountable for how Black men treat/view/respect their Black counterparts, because in most Black families the mother is both mother and father, that's BS too! Yes, it all begins at home, but once a man is of age, he's responsible for his attitudes, his behaviors, and for being a man of good character. And that's of ANY race! Why is it that so often in the Black community, when something fails, the women get blamed? Or even in my own family, for example, the women are held to a higher standard than the men!? I will say this - it's a new dawn, it's a new day, and if Black men want to compete for our hand as Black women, they'd better bring their A game! Because more of us strong, intelligent, beautiful, powerful Black sisters are broadening our horizons, educating ourselves, and freeing ourselves of the bounds that we didn't choose. We're breaking the 'rules' we didn't make! And ultimately, love is everything! If two people love each other enough to join in a partnership, especially marriage, we should all collectively rejoice! No matter what color the parties are! There's plenty of hate going around, especially these days. I would hope that this forum, and this website, would be a haven for those of us who partake in IRR. I'm done discussing this - it's a non-issue as far as I'm concerned. May we all be blessed with that which we most want. Namaste. aka ModfathersGunMoll

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  22.   kissime says:
    Posted: 28 Jan 11

    Nashuaone, I understand you're commenting base on what you've been told by a few black women you've dated. But please do not advise all black men to step up as if all black men are not responsible proud men...because, as I've written several times, the black men I know are not ever to be insulted. My ex-brother in-law, a white man, spoke badly of the white women he has dated. His experience with white women caused him to stop dating them. When he spoke badly of white women-I had to remind him of his mother, grandmother, great-grandmothers, aunts and daughter were all white. He shut up and never said another bad thing about white women. Don't believe everything you hear. When you witness negativity-acknowledge it being done by an individual. And the next time you date a woman who speaks badly of the men she's dated-please do encourage her to move forward. Because she's now with you and you're the better man...not because you're a white man. But because you are a better man. Believe me if she's speaking badly of her ex men, she'll speak badly of you. And her complaint may be to an Indian man.

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  23.   Nashuaone says:
    Posted: 28 Jan 11

    All I can say is what I have been told from the black women that I have dated. They say that the black men they dated do not treat them with respect. They don't want to pay for anything and run around cheating on them. So you black men might want to step up to the plate and take care of your women or don't . I will be there so don't complain or make face at us.

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  24.   julius says:
    Posted: 27 Jan 11

    Dear Alchemy73 i am not against IR and i dont preach against it. As for what i said about happy_girl would you accept a black man saying that dating a non black women is trading up. Hey maybe you do feel that a white woman is superior to you, as i know happy_girl thinks that way. i always maintain that quality have no colour so if you find love outside you race good for you. Unfortunately and i state a small minority of black woman thinks that all the problems that exist between black men and black women relationships are the black men fault., in their minds a black woman can do no wrong. There are a lot of angry black woman out there and sometimes they take out they anger on genuine black men. Leaving these black men traumatised. Beleave me going out with a angry black woman is not very nice, i known you will say it is the black man fault that these woman are angry but not every black man mistreat a woman but according to some we are always at fault. Its hurt me when black women say black men dont known how to respect them , and i say how can that be when most black men are brough up by black women. Are you telling me that black mothers are bringing up their sons to disrespect black women, Yes there are plenty of black men with issues, but black women are not blameless, what ever culture you go too all relationships are going through hard times.If i say something to a black woman on this blog iam talking to an individual not to all black woman. But i now realise what ever i say some black woman will always mark me down not because i have said something rude or nasty but purely because they hate black men and iam a black men, they need to recognise that they have issues and deal with them. ps my mobile is filled with numbers of black women who i call my friends and if i never respected them as black woman they would not have given me their numbers. And before people think that i want to screw them they are people who i work with.

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  25.   Alchemy73 says:
    Posted: 27 Jan 11

    Peace and Blessings to all! Well, I want to say first off that I don't like the negative connotation in the way that 'trading up' is being used here. I guess it's a reflection of the misperception that the color of a person's skin gives them more value. Many of us don't seem to understand the difference between race versus class. Sadly, though it's 2011 many people make false assumptions that a person of a lighter color, or a Caucasian person is superior to those of a darker hue. Nevermind that we're all human beings; underneath it all, we're ALL pink! And as some others here have stated, it doesn't matter what color someone is in terms of how they treat someone else in a relationship! So let's call a spade a spade, shall we? A bad man(or woman, for that matter) shouldn't be considered some 'knight in shining armor'. And that's regardless of color. So this is where people, especially women, need to realize their power! And as a woman of color, I am so grateful to those who came before me, black and white alike, who helped pave the way for people like me to have the freedom to choose who to love. I have always been very attracted to Caucasian men, partially (and sadly) because I didn't see very many loving relationships in my family, or responsible fathers, and didn't receive respectful treatment from my Black peers coming up. So in all honestly, it probably reinforced the attraction factor. But I will say that I've definitely had my heart ripped from my chest by white men. I'm dealing with that as we speak. A man of any color can and may break your heart. So to me, there is NO 'white knight'! I don't like using that term, because it insinuates that just because I choose to date interracially, he'll be the answer to all of my prayers. And before I got together with my now ex fiance, I decided that I would be open to a good man of ANY race, if he treated me right, was respectful, loving, honest and loyal. I was willing to marry him if he'd have been green! As an intellectual, creative and progressive woman, I find that by and large a lot of Black men are not interested in me. Their White counterparts are more than eager to connect with someone who is intelligent, has a good head on their shoulders, and who wants to be with someone for love, not the material. I will never settle for less than I deserve from ANY man! Love is the most important thing, along with trust and honesty. There are good men out there of all colors and backgrounds. But I must say that it's the truth that available, viable Black men are in shortage. Many Black men do not wish to date their Black counterparts, and then some have the nerve to get upset when we give ourselves the freedom to do what we wish that way! Very hypocritical! Plus high incarceration rates, and Black men that wouldn't be viable choices in ANY skin color (i.e. criminal records, out of wedlock children, lack of stability, etc.) further decrease the number of available Black men for Black women. It's sad that some of my Black male peers choose only non-Black women, but then turn around and insult me for being 'disloyal'. Just like Julius insulted Happy_Girl in the post above. And ironically, a Caucasian gentleman defended her! We Black women are some of the most loyal, strong, resilient, beautiful creatures on the planet. We deserve to have the best of love, loyalty, and a life shared with someone who truly appreciates who we are and what we bring to the table. And it's not our job to 'seek out' a Black man to satisfy some messed up rule we didn't make that dictates that we can't date or marry 'out'. It's up to the man to prove his worthiness to us! So I say, if you call dating someone who happens to be of another race, who treats you better than men from your past, regardless of the color of the mans' skin, it's a trade up in the quality of your partner. Women, stand up! Don't settle for less than respect, and love on your terms! That's the real threat to those who are ruled by ego - it's not about them, it's about us valuing ourselves, taking back the power and choosing who we want! And maybe some of the Black men who don't like IRR's will sit up, and notice, and step up their game so that they can compete! Thanks for reading! May we all find that which we most want. Namaste.

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  26.   thickness27 says:
    Posted: 27 Jan 11

    Angeliclove7 wow is all i can say. LOL

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  27. Posted: 26 Jan 11

    No color is better than any other color; for we all bleed red blood. Love is found in the heart so connections come in all colors. If one is happy with their experience, then be happy for that one. If one has found unhappiness through their experience with one color, do not say mean things about that entire color because you cannot judge that entire color based on your experience. May the Lord Bless you.

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  28. Posted: 26 Jan 11

    I feel as though, there wasn't a problem when white women dated black men. The majority of black men were all for it. I live in the south where you probably can't get anymore racist, but I have noticed white women tense up when a black woman talk about dating a white man...oh well to bad. I have dated black men, they disgust me, they have no openmindness about them, they always want the lighter skinned sister, they don't notice a true black queen. As far as I am concerned white men don't have as many skeletons in the closet, ( I said many). white men are more forward, with me that is, they have always appreciated me more. They have always wanted to do more for me, the majority of white men don't mind stepping up and doing thier responsibilities as a man. They know how to conversate more detailed...w/out being argumentive. A white man will work at a lesser dollar w/out feeling like someone owes him something. If a white man and black man are walking down the street, which one will speak to me first.hmmm, I think it would be the white man. When it comes to a wanting to make sure I am secured in a relationship..oops sorry white man wins again. Now if I want someone to lay around on the couch, feet propped up when I get home, someone to beg for money, a man that doesn't care if I am secured in a relationship, I think the black man would win that token. Sorry. Black men have way more insecurities about them, trust I have dated both...That's why here in the south black women fall inlove w/ thier pastors and leaders of the church,bc they are desperately seeking a true man...not a perfect man,but true. A white man can take you out to dinner w/out assuming you want a relationship or get married, a black man doesn't want to be seen w/ you in public bc he has so many other women out there...yes black men make me sick....a date white men bc It's my choice and I don't give damn what anyone thinks, IT'S MY PERROGOTIVE AND I DO WANT I WANT TO DO !!!!!!!!! SHAPE UP OR SHIP OUT BRO'S

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  29.   fixin2 says:
    Posted: 25 Jan 11

    Hey Julius, It's kind of a long story that got me to this point, but basically, yeah, black women do it for me. It's a lot of little things that add up. I always notice the black women in the crowd. It's not deliberate, it's just what gets my attention. Thickness27: I can see your point, and you are right-black men date white women at a higher rate than black women date white men. Opening up to any possibility expands your chances of meeting "the one" instead of living inside of a box someone else created. And I know it's FUBAR for me to say that, because I will only date black women. So why is there such an imbalance? I think too many people worry about what other people think instead of doing what they want. I can't speak for black men, (My mother is a redskin Native American, my father is saltine white so I don't fit anywhere!) but i think a lot of them did what I did-grabbed their set and decided they didn't give a crap what anyone else thought, they were going to do what they were going to do. I'm not picking up someone else's flag, but trust me-there are plenty of good black men. When I was overseas, and the bullets were flying, nobody cared who was what color. As long as we were all firing in the same direction. I counted on the man behind me, and the man in front of me put his trust in me. You can really understand what color blindness is when your ass depends on it. But thats veering off on another topic.....

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    • TYRANT says:
      Posted: 27 Jan 11

      angeliclove, I can't help but WONDER why would you date a group (black men) that DISGUST you? As for white men dating white women, epecially in the South, why should black men be against it? Wasn't the whole idea behind Loving vs. Virginia for people to date whom they wish, regardless of color, or did I miss out on something? White men have had over three CENTURIES of being intimate with black women in this country while black men were lynched for even looking at a white woman, so I can understand why some black men would want to pursue IR relationships. You have a lot of ANGER and HATRED toward black men, which again, makes me wonder why a black woman would date a group of men who for all intents and purposes DISGUST her. I don't have an answer for that, and to be honest-outside of of supposely giving a black men a chance at your love, or rather, your lack of it; I really don't think you do either. Either way, if it's a choice between being with a black woman-like you-who's going to give me a STRIKE simply because I'm a BLACK MAN then I'll HAPPILY ship out. There are far too many women in the world (I'm sure a lot of black men will agree) who will treat me as an INDIVIDUAL for me to saddle myself with a woman of any color who thinks as you do.

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    • 1crd101 says:
      Posted: 28 Jan 11

      @ Fixin2 There's no need to explain yourself in regards to why you like BW. I'm like you, I'm attracted to and have always dated WM. It's not about any upgrades it's just who I'm attracted to.

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      • fixin2 says:
        Posted: 31 Jan 11

        And it only makes sense to make time with someone you want to be with. The only person who has to be happy with who is sitting across from you... is you.

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    • julius says:
      Posted: 31 Jan 11

      Dear fixin2 Thank you for saying that there are good black men out there, i always say that quality has no colour, its comes in black ,white, yellow and brown.Iam glad you find another race of woman rock your boat because i find that indian woman does the same to me. But i do find my own black race very attractive.I believe in dating IR for the right reason and not because you hate your own race. that hate will one day rise up and destroy you as a likable person. and contaminate your children and your childrens children.

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  30.   julius says:
    Posted: 25 Jan 11

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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    • kissime says:
      Posted: 29 Jan 11

      I think fixin2 is naturally attracted to black women, and we ROCK his Boat Mmm, Yeah, Mmhmm Ooh hmm hmm Mmmm Yeah Chorus: Boy you know you make me float Boy you really get me high I feel like Im on dope Cause you You serve me on a regular Boy we need to tie this rope Before we drift any deeper There now hold me close Boy lets take this overboard now Chorus: I want you to (rock the boat) Rock the boat, Rock the boat, rock the boat (work it in the middle) Work the middle, work the middle Work the middle, (change positions for me) Change positions, new positions New positions, new positions (now stroke it baby) Stroke it for me, stroke it for me Stroke it for me, Verse 2: Ooooh baby I love your stroke Cause you, cause you get me to where Im going In a jury youll get my vote Cause I believe, I believe you know just what you doing now Baby now we can coast Just dont get in a hurry Thats too slow Go ahead and put that thing in over drive Chorus: I want you to (rock the boat) Rock the boat, rock the boat Rock the boat, (work it in the middle) Work the middle, work the middle Work the middle, work the middle (change positions for me) Change positions, new positions New positions, new positions (now stroke it baby) Stroke it for me, Stroke it for me, stroke it for me, stroke it for me Chorus: I want you to (rock the boat) Rock the boat, Rock the boat, rock the boat (work it in the middle) Work the middle, Work the middle, work the middle (change positions for me) Change positions, new positions New positions, new positions (now stroke it baby) Stroke it for me, Stroke it for me, stroke it for me Bridge: Stroke it for me, Mmm Stroke it baby, Stroke it baby Mmmm, Work it baby, Work it baby Oooh Stroke It There is somethin' I want you to do I need you to use yourself Like you never ever used to do before To explore my body Until you reach the shore Youll be calling, calling for more Chorus: (rock the boat) Rock the boat, Rock the boat, rock the boat (work it in the middle) Work the middle, Work the middle, work the middle (change positions for me) Change positions, new positions New positions, new positions (now stroke it baby) Stroke it for me, Stroke it for me, stroke it for me I want you to (rock the boat) Rock the boat, Rock the boat, rock the boat (work it in the middle) Work the middle, Work the middle, work the middle (change positions for me) Change positions, new positions New positions, new positions (now stroke it baby) Stroke it for me, Stroke it for me, stroke it for me (rock the boat) Rock the boat, Rock the boat, rock the boat Work the middle, Work the middle, work the middle (change positions for me) Change positions, new positions New positions, new positions Stroke it for me, Stroke it for me, stroke it for me (rock the boat) Rock the boat, Rock the boat, rock the boat By: Aaliyah: Rock The Boat Lyrics

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      • fixin2 says:
        Posted: 29 Jan 11

        Yes !

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        • Posted: 09 Feb 11

          @Fixin2 You know what they say buddy,don't bother knock'in if the boat is a rock'in,zebras and all ! Rock on friend,all night long and then some ! EddyReady

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  31.   thickness27 says:
    Posted: 25 Jan 11

    fixin2 i am sorry for your loss. It is good to all to not blame an entire race due to one persons faults. I upgrade myself according to my own improvements, not a man. He complements what I already have. I am open to dating all races of men as long as he treats me right. BM date interracially more than any other race and three times the rate of BW. The numbers just dont add up. And if BW want to date they cannot place themselves in a box for only BM. They can be open to black, white, asian, hispanic, etc. The majority of BM i have dated mistreated me and did not value me and what I bring to the table. It is as if I should settle because demand is high but supply low. lol But I know there are some good BM out there.

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    • TYRANT says:
      Posted: 27 Jan 11

      thickness, your information is wrong. Black men do NOT date interracially more than any other race, because if that were the we would've outpaced white men who date/marry asian women.

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  32.   fixin2 says:
    Posted: 25 Jan 11

    Well, this topic struck a few nerves.. On a daily basis, I am in contact with men and women of all colors, races, and religions. I can honestly say that I see good and bad across the board. And in my profession, most of the time I see people at their worst. Looking at a white man as an "upgrade" is pretty insulting to black men, and the black women who decide to date outside their race. Even if it has been an "upgrade" for an individual person, it was the person you met, not their color. My personal experience has been that I have only had one woman in my life who really broke me down, and broke my heart after a 5 year relationship. She was black, but I don't take what she did and put it on all black women. I still date black women exclusively, but that is my choice.

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  33.   julius says:
    Posted: 24 Jan 11

    Dear THICKNESS27 why do you think i dont have the right to criticize happy_girl statement. Cant you see that her statement is insulting to the black race.Just because she is a black woman does not mean she is talking sense. And no i dont thing that all the black men on this blog talk sense either.I walk the streets and thrown my hands up when i see some of the poor quality black men out there. Did you know that the cia flooded black neighbourhoods with crack cocaine,And also remember that no race of men has had to endure what the black man had experienced. Yes black women deserve love, respect and to be valued, and black man also deserve the same.

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    • Lacrymosa777 says:
      Posted: 26 Jan 11

      Very well put.

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    • Posted: 09 Feb 11

      @Julius Mr.Julius,frist off in no way am i saying anything wrong with anything you said.But on your comment on the cia flooding the black neighbourhoods with crack,you maybe right,i don't know.About 10 years ago i became good friends with a black fellow that i worked with.He was younger than me,about half my age.He was a very nice guy and was the kind of person if he said something it was maybe true.We were talking at work one night and he told me of this cia crack deal.If it had come from anybody else i might have said no way man! But i belived him and i belive you to! But Mr.Julius,you know what else he said? He told me they gave it to a black man and he got it started in East La.i think he said.I was just wondering if that was the way your heard it.I do not have to explain to you about what goverments do to their on people sometimes,encluding the USA! But crack has destroyed millions upon millions of peoples live all over the world.Crack does not care who you are or what color or country you are from.This usless drug is not a black thing or a white thing,it's a everybody thing even if the cia did get it started. EddyReady

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    • Jo09 says:
      Posted: 09 Feb 11

      I was going to read and move on as usual, but something urged me to reply to this post. You have mentioned that, "the CIA flooded black neighbourhoods with CRACK COCAINE, my question to you is: why those black neighborhoods do not simply decline the use of the substance? By now, one would think those neighborhoods would observe the destruction it brings to their community and refuse to take part of this so-called conspiracy. This argument so longer holds merit. It has been used and re-used to defend the mediocrity in our black communities. The man did it to us make us look more pitiful than ever. Do not play this card if we going to debate intelligently. It just shows how easily we can be manipulated and influenced. Meaning we do not even possess a brain to speak of. If you are going to defend your case, I am respectfully suggest that you do not bring the civil rights movement and all the other similar causes that people with real depth had fought or even unselfishly lose their lives to make them law or abolish. Mind you, if we are going to argue our points with history, please do it wisely and accurate. Not only black people had fought for those privileges, white people had come along side us as well; not a lot of them, but enough. I am not white by the way. Nevertheless, I still respect and love my black men, but sometimes we will have to look elsewhere. Please admit it just for the sake of being honest, now that you are enjoying what Mr. King and the others have done for us, black men can now choose any race. These days I am seeing a lot of you with the white sistas. We were let go because how Tiger Woods had put it, oh yeah, we are too loud and ghetto.We could not have been just EXPRESSIVE! As some of the ladies had mentioned, white men seem to take time to get to know us, and I love the attention. I have not dated any white men as yet, but I have spoken to them. I have not found courage to step in that zone. However, the ones who contacted me so far, I am not displeased. White men have yet to question me on my yearly income, my credit situation or if I am in upper management or not. Those things were revealed by my choice. It is refreshing, no pressure. Some black men are very indiscreet. Again, I have a lot of love for all of you and if anyone with more savoir faire come along, I will be more than happy to have him by my side Happy dating people!

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      • claper60 says:
        Posted: 11 Feb 11

        i am sitting here reading comments on this blog and had to comment, .i am 70 years old and retired from the military in 1979 and i have been all over the world . i have seen mixed relationships since 1959 which is when i joined the military. it is nice to me to see the rest of the country catch up with the military in regards to mixed relations , and not for upgrading but for being human, to you bw who think you are upgrading, grow up, to you bm who don't know how to treat a woman grow up and to all of you , you should read the article on the www. talking drum , that was written by willie lyunch on how to make a slave, it will give you a lot of insite on yourself. that is to both black and white and both gender

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  34.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 24 Jan 11

    @patti43 I hear you loud and clear! I've just heard too many BM and BW express the opinion that datingsomeone f rom a different ethnic group will somehow do for them what they could easily do for themselves. I'm with you, UP-Grade yourself and then you can go after WHAT YOU WANT because you want it and not because you feel YOU NEED IT! Thats all I'm saying! Best wishes to you and all!

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  35.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 24 Jan 11

    @patti43 I hear you loud and clear! I've just heard too many BM and BW express the opinion that someone of a different ethnic group will somehow do for them what they could easily do for themselves. I'm with you, UP-Grade yourself and then you can go after WHAT YOU WANT because you want it and not because you feel YOU NEED IT! Thats all I'm saying! Best wishes to you and all!

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  36.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 24 Jan 11

    @patti43 I here you loud and clear! I've just heard too many BM and BW express the opinion that someone of a different ethnic group will somehow do for them what they could easily do for themselves. I'm with you, UP-Grade yourself and then you can go after WHAT YOU WANT because you want it and not because you feel YOU NEED IT! Thats all I'm saying! Best wishes to you and all!

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  37.   thickness27 says:
    Posted: 24 Jan 11

    It really amazes me at the animosity and disrespect on theses boards sometimes. Why does it take EddyReady to defend a BW from being insulted. This is exactly what the article speaks of. We can agree to disagree but it does not mean demeaning others due to their personal opinions. This is a place for discussion, everyone will not have the same experiences/opinions. Have any of you seen the film "For Colored Girls"? Although fiction, it is a very true depiction of BW experiences. I respect the other races for your encouragement and open minds. And i appreciate the discussion and embrace it. However, you cannot understand what we go through so please be open to the unknown. There is all the "color does not matter" " you love who you love" talk. And in an ideal world this is true. But NO other race of women have had to endure the experiences of the Black women. It isn't something i cannot explain to you. Many BW have to deal with BM that do not take care of kids, are not working, do not finish school, have criminal records, no values, low integrity, on the down low/gay, do not want to wear condoms, prefer light colored women, and place manhood on promiscuity. Yes, it occurs in other races, but in a MUCH HIGHER magnitude in the black community. *Have my fellow members taken notice at the epidemics in the black community? There are definitely some problems and it starts with the downfall of the Black family........ Black women deserve love, respect, and to be valued too!

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    • Posted: 27 Jan 11

      @Thickness27 True, i for one do not know what a black woman has indured.But on the other hand,i know it is alot.That is why in all of these blogs that i make comments in,from time to time i mention how strong i think a black woman is.I will never know all of your struggels but i can say like all women i know how to open my arms and heart and the ladies with the respect they so truely deserve! EddyReady/BigTen cares!

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  38.   patti43 says:
    Posted: 22 Jan 11

    There is a major difference in upgrading yourself, for yourself, and being noticed, as opposed to dating a white man and feeling that you're " dating up." You can upgrade to a Benz from a bike, for what you feel is self-improvement and there's nothing wrong with that. The problem is, if those left riding the bikes are suddenly run off the road by your Benz because you think your rims are far better than bike- spokes! (trading up in what I hope is a simpler term, example, maybe, lol)

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  39.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 22 Jan 11

    To say that you've had a better dating experiences as a result of dating someone from another ethnic group is one thing and there's nothing wrong with that but you'd have to ask what does the individual mean as far as "UPGRADE"? Does it mean a more fufilling relationship, greater possibilities for marriage or are just a more pleasant dating experience in general? I'm not concerned with the above mentioned examples but it's the belief that someone made you more than what you are as a result of dating them that gets my attention. I trully believe"WHO you are is WHAT you are" and nobody outside of you will change that reality. I would find it insulting for anybody to suggest that BW somehow upgrade themselves by dating men from other ethnic groups, to me this implies that BW are lacking and they need something more and that other men have something more to offer that BM don't. This very notion sounds crazy, only a BLK person with a deep rooted inferiority complex or some non-blk person with a superiority complex could come up with this kind of foolishness. This thinking is sick and it does nothing to help either person, it only perpetuates the false notion of inferiority in the blk person and it further validates the belief of superiority in others who may think that way. Until women learn to first value, respect (make others respect them), appreciate, affrim and trully love themselves, they'll always come up short and their cups will never be filled and whats inside their cups will never be shared with others. Empty souls have nothing to give and like parasites they suck from other people and give nothing in return. When you trully love you, no one can UPGRADE you, all they can do is bask in the sunrays of your love.

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  40.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 22 Jan 11

    To say that you've had a better dating experiences as a result of dating someone from another ethnic group is one thing and there's nothing wrong with that but you'd have to ask what does the individual mean as far as "UPGRADE"? Does it mean a more fufilling relationship, greater possibilities for marriage or are just a more pleasant dating experience in general? I'm not concerned with the above mentioned examples but it's the belief that someone made you more than what you are as a result of dating them that gets my attention. I trully believe"WHO you are is WHAT you are" and nobody outside of you will change that reality. I would find it insulting for anybody to suggest that BW somehow upgrade themselves by dating men from other ethnic groups, to me this implies that BW are lacking and they need something more and that other men have something more to offer that BM don't. This very notion sounds crazy, only a BLK person with a deep rooted inferiority complex or some non-blk person with a superiority complex could come up with this kind of foolishness. This thinking is sick and it does nothing to help either person, it only perpetuates the false notion of inferiority in the blk person and it further validates the belief of superiority in others who may think that way. Until women learn to first value, respect (make others respect them), appreciate, affrim and trully love themselves, they'll always come up short and their cups will never be filled and whats inside their cups will never be shared with others, empty souls have nothing to give and like parasites they suck from other people and give nothing in return. When you trully love you, no one can UPGRADE you, all they can do is bask in the sunrays of your love.

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  41.   patti43 says:
    Posted: 22 Jan 11

    For the Black women who feel that you have "traded up", I'd like to ask you a question. Have you considered the fact that you may have upgraded yourselves and a white man noticed you? So, did you really trade up or get an upgrade?

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    • Posted: 22 Jan 11

      @Patti43 I liked your comment! Maybe some woman have upgraded.All i can say is it's working.You ladies are really getting noticed! The black women are now making their voices heard all over the world,all i can speak for is the white man.We are taking notice and we like what we see! Take care! EddyReady cares!

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  42.   julius says:
    Posted: 22 Jan 11

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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    • Posted: 22 Jan 11

      @julius Mr.Julius,lightin up a little bit on Happy--Girl ok! Both of your commets had a lot of merit.All she is saying is what she like's best and what works for her.Isn't that what the civil rights movement was all about! Remember Mr.Kings speech,where in part he said,black and white children will be walking hand and hand together,now those same children are all grown up and walking hand and hand in love,happiness and developing strong relationships with each other.Mr.King is not rolling over in his grave,he's smiling and giving the thumbs up sign,and saying we did it! Happy_girl's brain is just as big as everyone else's and she know's how to use it to speak her mind and make her on choices in life.someting that could not be done before the civil rights movement! Mr.King,what a great man! God gave him the last name,King for a reason! Take care,brother! EddyReady cares!

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  43.   Happy_Girl says:
    Posted: 21 Jan 11

    My personal experience has been the white men I do choose to date have shown more of an interest in me as a person. To me that is a major trade up. Now don't get me wrong many white men who have tried to date me show their cards up front and have been easy to avoid. I love a man who makes an effort to get to know me. NOT just the same bull questions everyone ask in order to make the other person believe they are interested. BUT questions that are really in depth or mind blowing. I have found that white guys tend to ask those questions and listen to the answers. Trading up for me.

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  44.   patti43 says:
    Posted: 20 Jan 11

    Why do you state, that currently Black women are not valued nor protected by Black men? Do you know all Black men? There is music, art,and film that is very positive from Black producers, writers, etc. Since you're speaking for yourself, Orange94, maybe you need to broaden your social horizons.

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    • Orange94 says:
      Posted: 04 Feb 11

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  45.   Orange94 says:
    Posted: 20 Jan 11

    Black women have to go where they are loved. Currently in American Black women are not valued nor protected by the majority of Black men. Black male music art and film dis us. For me, White men treat me 100x better than Black men. **I am speaking for ME

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  46.   nafahamu says:
    Posted: 20 Jan 11

    I feel that using such words as "trading up" just cheapens the women and men who are in such relationships. Whatever happened to just falling in love. Are people who are in an interracial relationship, just in it to better themselves?? No they're not, they're in it because they fell in love, or at least I hope so. BM and WW, WM and BW etc etc are no different than any other relationships. It's just skin colour, it does not define us but enhances who we are. I date women who I'm attracted to, I then get to know them as a person. I don't think I'm a knight in shining armour, and if the woman I'm with, gives me the impression she is with me for that reason, then she's not the one for me. I'm a human being, I have good and bad traits. I'm no better than the man to my left or the man to my right, no matter what their race is. If a woman likes me, I hope it's because shes attracted to me and finds a spark in me that she's not experienced yet. The sooner we move away from stereotypes the better.

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  47.   reddiva19 says:
    Posted: 19 Jan 11

    I believe everyone has the capacity to decide the path to take in life and that goes beyond the color of the skin therefore whether you fall into debt or not is all upto every individual,or whether you r gentle or aggressive is still a choice anybody can make. Trying something different or loving somebody outside your race doesn't mean anything it is simply what it is...

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  48.   kistina24 says:
    Posted: 18 Jan 11

    No, I do not believe black women dating white men is trading up. It is a matter of personal choice and being with someone that satisfys a need, desires, and communicates across the spectrum of elements within a relationship. Within a relationship communication is a key component that determines how successful a relationship can become, therefore if a black woman finds a white man that communicates well with her and there is a physical attraction and there are common values shared between them, why not date and try to develop the relationship into a long lasting meaningful relationship where race is not a major variable but companionship, compatibility, and contentment reign.

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  49.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 17 Jan 11

    Is dating wht men trading up? The oppsite of this question would be is dating blk men somehow settling for less or down-grading? Sad to say it, too many blk women (not all but far too many) seem to think so! I leave in Germany and from time to time I run across blk women from the U.S. and Africa who've fell for the hype and found out that their wht knight had holes in his armor. This just goes to show how foolish some of these sisters are, to think that the color or the accent of the man is somehow a passport to love and happiness. What could blind these women from reality? What level of fustration and disappointment could somehow doop these women into believing that, "if he's wht he has to be right!" This goes for blk men as well because I personally know a few of these deluded souls. If any trade up is to take place I'd hope it would take place within her thinking and her motives as to why she thinks that a wht man would be the answer to all of her questions and the relief from her pain and disappointment. Any blk person with this kind of thinking needs a physcologist first and foremost because they're not fit for self much less someone else and last but not least the person who would even make such a suggestion should question they're own line of thinking. Shit stinks regardless of the ass it comes from, l but you've got to have a little bit of sense to know that!

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    • Posted: 18 Jan 11

      I think that dating is not in the black and white but in the red,the heart! If a black lady looks hard enough she will find a good black man.If a white lady looks hard enough she will find a good white man.Being a white man i belive some black ladies want to date white men just to try something different,which is ok ,but not if they are doing it because they feel they have been let down by a brother! All black men are not alike.For every bad black man a black women has a relationship with,if she does not watch her step she will run into the same thing with a white man! There is no differents! But to me when a good black woman finds a good white man and it is from the heart,there is just something special there that can't be replaced anywhere else! EddyReady cares!

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      • Tirshathia says:
        Posted: 04 Feb 11

        I could not have said this any better. Thank you for being direct and making a value creation of what it is really about, the heart.

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