You know that I’m a big fan for dating your preference. Even if that preference is limiting you. It’s always your right to choose. It’s easy for us hopeless romantics to say that everyone should be open to the possibility of love, no matter where it comes from. Would you lie to get the chance to meet someone or to go out on a date? Just how far are you willing to go to find what you’re looking for?
Hey, this is your girl Leticia and let me first say I’m sorry that I’ve been cheatin… Please understand that I do it so you don’t have to. I was checking out this forum on another site and there was a guy looking for some advise. Basically, he wanted to know if and how he should approach this woman who had a filter set on her preference to not date anyone over 75 miles away from her. He was twice that distance. He seemed to think that she was his “dream woman”, but couldn’t get a email to her because of the sites restraints and her filters.
As you can imagine, folks were saying everything from “move on” to “change your zip code”. In other words, “lie” to at least get her attention. So, here’s my question to you…Is it ever worth lying to the other person, just to get your foot in the door? Isn’t there always going to be some kind of reason or justification that you can make in the name of “true love” or in this case…the “potential of it”?
Where do you draw the line when it comes to giving out information? Do you believe that omit- ion of the truth is still a lie? See, I hear all the time that women hear the truth, know what the truth is and still move forward with the hope that she will be able to “change” the truth to fit her needs. I also know that guys (more than a few in my experience), will tell you just enough of the story to support their point and leave out the vital parts that will change your understanding and perception all together.
There is a thin line between doing “whatever it takes” and manipulating a situation to get what you want. I have to admit that I’m somewhat conflicted when it comes to this guys particular dilemma. On the one hand if he feels so strongly that she could be “the one”, based on her profile, picture and that good ‘ole gut feeling, than doesn’t he owe it to himself to be able to find out?
On the other hand, if he really thought enough of her, shouldn’t he respect her wishes to only date guys that live within a certain distance to her? Doesn’t her preferences matter?
You know that I’m a big fan for dating your preference. What if that preference is limiting you? It’s always your right to choose. It’s easy for us hopeless romantics to say that everyone should be open to the possibility of love, no matter where it comes from. The reality for a lot of people is that long distance relationships don’t work for them. There could be time restraints or family issues that will prevent them from ever moving so why tempt fate. What happens if they are perfect for each other but unable to move? Wouldn’t that be worse than never knowing there is someone out there for you?
I really enjoy playing devils advocate sometimes. The truth for me is that I always believe that there’s a way to do what you want, have what you want and be all that you want. It first starts with KNOWING what you want and then making the decision to do whatever it takes to make it happen.
I’m curious, would you be angry or flattered that a guy/woman would go through such lengths to get to know you better? Is it ever okay to tell a “little lie” to get in the door as long as you come clean as soon as possible?
This is Leticia, and I think that if the only thing you can do to get someone’s attention is lie…you’re not thinking hard enough.
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No I do not think it is okay to lie on your profile. Sooner or later the truth is gonna come out and it might backfire on you. If the person dont want to talk to you let it go and move on.
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Well its really wrong to lie on your profile,as tha truth will always be known in a short while,however,most of us are not real in our quest for love or the search for that special someone.
You know there is no perfect person,so the quicker we as human beings understand that fact the better for us,think of what you would do,or way your sister behaves,we dont lives celebrity lives so we should not act like one or expect people to be one,you can have preferences,i do,but understand there are flaws with everyone.Sometimes when we try too hard it just stays away,sometimes i read other people’s profile to see what they are about and its all too good to be true,too positive then i wonder how come they are still searching?well i leave that for us to all answer,We find love in certain places or with certain peolpe when we least expect ,so its better to keep an open choice even if we all have preferences,for this man he should be true to himself and he will meet that special person who will not mind the distance and will get to know and love him for himself.
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Hello Leticia,
I agree with you it’s never right to lie about anything at all because the truth all ways caches up and that’s when someone allways gets hurt.
Just a little reminder to all of Us;
Like the famous kids story Boy Cryied Wolf,He started calling for help because there was supposoly a Wolf among the sheep but when every body came to help there was no Wolf,once,twice,he thought it was fun makeing people run to help,but the third time when there was a real Wolf present among the sheep and he cryied for help no one came out to help.
So let’s all remember LYING is the worst thing we can do it all ways back fires.
Thank you all and keep the Wolf out of your court yard.
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Only a couple of people have made the distinction here. This original question was about changing your details to get past a filter. I have done this on another site, and I reject any suggestion that I was dishonest or a liar.
This was on a French site, and the lady in question had ticked that she was looking for someone from any one of several continents, including Antarctica, but not “Océanie” (I lived in Autralia at the time). So I changed my location to Antarctica, and sent her an email telling her I didn’t really live in Antarctica, but Australia, and asked if she had something against Australia. She replied that her apparent preference had just been an oversight.
Immediately after sending that initial email, I changed my location back to the right one.
I think in the case in point, if the guy had done the same thing–changed his location and written to her, explaining what he had done, and why–it could hardly have been called “lying”. Whether it would have constituted an unacceptable intrusion and lack of respect for her stated preferences is a matter of some debate. In a lot of cases, however, people just don’t realize that they are preventing people responding to their ad by setting restrictive preferences.
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Hello, me again. I forgot to say that genuine lying, i.e. making false statements with the intention of being believed, is an absolute deal-breaker in relationships so far as I am concerned.
I once came close to marrying an Indonesian woman, but in the process of preparing a statement in support of her visa application, I had to look at some of her documents, and found that she had lied about two minor details. One was her age, and the other was that her alleged “younger brother” was actually her son. Neither of things would have mattered to me if she had told me about them, but lying about them completely destroyed my trust in her. Of course, to her, my abruptly breaking off the relationship proved she was right to lie to me: look what happened when I found out! Some people never learn.
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I do not believe it is ever ok. So many guys approach me asking is that you or do you model…what have you. It is so irritating, while others guy lie about who they are to get to know me. If everyone was just 100% honest, there would be no “fakers” or “non-believers.” The whole internet world is new to me…started off as a joke, but I can see how someone could get hurt by people’s lies
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Like on your profile? What kind of person would so such a thing???
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I don’t believe it is ever ok. If you see something go after it. Forcing the situation is insulting to me. I’m flattered if you are honest and keep trying, through time these things will works. There are relationships that are solid that started off on a little lie but I rather not go that route.
I’m not skinny and yes I have fat on my body, thick – fat – chubby whatever he will know it up front. My values my lifestyle, he will know it up front.
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Ok, I admit it. I didn’t win the Nobel Prize in Physics last year. Sorry. Boy it feels good to come clean at last.
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Whatever you put into your profile is what you get out of it. Part of the problem however is what you read from a profile. Just because you are honest don’t be naieve to think everyone is. For example I split with my ex because she had a profile on a dating website. She was active there but did not have time for me. She listed all the things she wanted including someone to be a father to her children. Apparently paying all the bills and taking care of the kids wasnt “father” enough. In translation she wanted a sugar daddy that had deeper pockets than me. All that hurt because I truely was in love with her and her family. Made it my own and took care of those kids better than their father did. Now her profile is a lie and I feel sorry for the next guy to find her. Bottom line. Write what you mean, mean what you write, but don’t believe everything in the profile you read either.
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I must first say that I’ve been on the site for only three to four weeks! Within the first couple days I connected with a member, enjoyed is profile (especially the part that Trust and Honesty is a MUST) so we starting communication and met…within the first week some things being said weren’t matching up…investigated further to find out he had lied about his age. He told me he was 46 (only a 7 year age difference), come to find out he was actually 56 and I was devastated! I called him on it and he has never returned my calls, text or email! That is an important detail to divuldge…I’m not saying that I wouldn’t have considered still dating, but wanted to know why he felt he needed to lie! He never explained and pretty much blew me off…acting like I was in the wrong. My advice is to stay honest in your profile, one of the worst things you can do is start ANY relationship based on a lie!!! If you do, then everything after that will be questioned. All people deserve the truth, then let them make the choice if they want to continue…it will be best in the end!
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All you people who posted about lying….were lying.
Lying is acceptable as long as it is for personal gain and complete manipulation of someone. If its for the purpose of booty, money, or good credit…then sure go ahead and lie on your profile.
OK….I WAS LYING…. Prov 24:26 AN honest answer is like a kiss…thats what I live by….
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Its not good to start out with lying. Sooner or later it will catch up with you and you would have lost a good partner, friend and lover. Why not try being honest? You are who you are and you are a awesome person. Let people know this, don’t lye to prove you are so great, when you can be honest and be greater.
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Lying on a profile is rarely a good thing, because the person lying rarely remembers the original lie! How tiring is it to keep remembering things that aren’t true? I think the lying by omission is even worse! Having been online for more than a decade, I’ve seen it all: Posting old photos, lying about age/height/income, posting blurry photos on purpose, inflating a job description. The milage thing is actually the least of the lying, because people’s concept of distance isn’t very good. But up to a point, shouldn’t we honor people’s boundaries? If she didn’t want to date someone more than 75 miles away, isn’t that her prerogative? Why bother and he finds out she’s not “the one”? If I have to lie to impress a guy, he’s not knowing who I am, just what he wants to read, yes? So I try to give what I want. I’ve met men who have lied about their appearance(outdated photos), age, and height. After meeting them, I wonder if they lie about meaningless things, why would they tell me the truth about the things that really matter?
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referring to the title:It most certainly is not ok to lie on your profile!”why”your partner in the future is going to find out anyway,and you might as well tell it straight then and there!many will be turned off the moment they find out you lied and consider you dead and stereotyped!!
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Since honesty is a very important quality to me, If I detect a deliberately misleading misrepresentation in a profile, that usually kills a potential relationship for me. But what about when “lying” is closer to honesty than the truth? I’m 5’6. [I have no personal issues dating women who are taller than I am.] On this site, I can only describe my height roughly. Rather that list myself as 5’2″-5’6″, I’ve chosen to list myself as 5’7″-5’11″ and then include my actual height in the narrative part of my profile.
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It is not okay to lie in your profile. Anyone would want to read a profile believing that what they are reading on someone’s profile is true. Some sites may limit what exactly you are able to convey, as Charles mentioned above about the height range, and it is always best to clarify any specifics or details that you feel you should. It is the right thing to do. Lying is not good, period. Nobody wants to be lied to.
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whats the point in lieing on your profile. if you lie then and then you find someone, you have to make a bigger lie to cover. or tell them and hopefully they are ok with it, if everyone on here is looking for someone why not be honest, bc if ur being honest ur weeding out those who are looking for a particu;lar thing thqt u might be against.
be honest there is someone out there for everyone, just take stime. be honest with yourself and it will lead you to happiness.
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Absolutely not…to lie about things in your profile just shows you’re not a honest person at all…what really urks me is when people lie that they are in the United States but turn out to be in some other country overseas. A relationship or even the start of a possible relationship is about honesty and trust…so if you can’t be honest then how is the other person able to trust you…”Little lies lead to Big lies which lead to hurt”
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it’s never okay to lie on your profile.
It’s a waste of everyones time.
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It is NEVER OK to lie on a profile. I have been lied to in a relationship. I have been lied to in a profile. But I refuse to lie. I speak the truth, so I want the truth. Karma is you-know-what. What goes around, comes around, and I REFUSE to do it to anyone, so why would I do it to anyone else? I wouldn’t! Be HONEST at all times!
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You know I’ve seen some really good responses to this question. And I will backpedal a little from a year ago.
If someone felt strongly enough about chatting to me that they changed something to get around a filter, I would be flattered…if they told me about it in the initial contac.
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