Is our moral emphasis on fidelity misplaced?

Posted by Ria, 12 Oct 10

infidelity and moralityCheating has become most people’s escape from their crappy marriages and for others boring sex lives. For the monogamous kind, infidelity is unacceptable – a deal breaker if you may.

When it comes to infidelity, the drama of hiding the extra-marital relationship, backed by guilt just kills the whole idea for me. In fact, just the thought of the spiteful blame and the separation that comes with getting caught … urghh!! But then again, some marriages do survive infidelity. For some the affair turned out to be a wake up call… a test of how much they mean to each other and without it, they probably would be in a dysfunctional marriage … or divorced.

Let’s take an example of a couple that for some reason, no longer have a sex life… or the case of one spouse loosing interest in the other. Would you rather the couple divorce just because they are experiencing some dry spell on the sexual front or agree to just have affairs?

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In some societies, for instance Japan and France, infidelity (or open relationships) are more acceptable. Looking at the idea of open marriages and how it has gained popularity, our ethical emphasis on monogamy seems quite mislaid - the more we emphasize it, the more people stray … the more people come up with politically correct terms to justify infidelity. And hard as it is to believe, the above mentioned countries have reported lower divorce rates.

Does this mean idea of open relationships is a ‘healthier’ model for the institution of marriage? Seeing how much people have warmed up to it, do you think the future generation will look back at our views on infidelity and wonder why we didn't allow it … same way we do about past generations outlook on interracial marriage and same-sex marriage?

3 responses to "Is our moral emphasis on fidelity misplaced?"

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  1.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 15 Oct 10

    Cheating and infidelity only messes people up more and the countries that where it is more accepted are not close to their wives and husbands in the first place and are getting higher rates of mental illness. It would be much better to stay faithful and go to a marriage counselor and try and save your marriage and deepen your relationship that cheat. If you are that stupid that it takes cheating to see that something is wrong with your marriage, then you really must be mentally challenged.;-) That is why as a marriage counseling I am for lots of premarital counseling to troubleshoot possible areas that may cause divorce later on. But if you are getting together just for looks anyway like most people are in the United States, then your marriage is already doomed to failure and any kids are the ones who suffer the most. Better to stay single and sleep around than get married and cheat. It is much easier on everyone and people are more honest in that capacity and their is much less pain because despite what one may think, divorces always carry scars even to the ex-couple even if they don't have kids. Marriage is a commitment and should be entered into two people who expect to be together for life. A good test to ask yourself before getting married is that if your partner got disfigured in an accident for life, would you still want to sleep with them and be with them? Or if they started off thin, if they gained weight, would you lose interest? If the answer is that you would not be with them if either thing happened, then you aren't ready to be married to that person. Better just to sleep with them but never marry them and wait for the infatuation of sex to wear off because it will eventually without true love behind it to keep it fueled for life.

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    • serenity33 says:
      Posted: 26 Oct 10

      Cheating and infidelity only messes people up more and the countries that where it is more accepted are not close to their wives and husbands in the first place and are getting higher rates of mental illness. It would be much better to stay faithful and go to a marriage counselor and try and save your marriage and deepen your relationship that cheat. If you are that stupid that it takes cheating to see that something is wrong with your marriage, then you really must be mentally challenged.;-) That is why as a marriage counseling I am for lots of premarital counseling to troubleshoot possible areas that may cause divorce later on. But if you are getting together just for looks anyway like most people are in the United States, then your marriage is already doomed to failure and any kids are the ones who suffer the most. Better to stay single and sleep around than get married and cheat. It is much easier on everyone and people are more honest in that capacity and their is much less pain because despite what one may think, divorces always carry scars even to the ex-couple even if they dont have kids. Marriage is a commitment and should be entered into two people who expect to be together for life. A good test to ask yourself before getting married is that if your partner got disfigured in an accident for life, would you still want to sleep with them and be with them? Or if they started off thin, if they gained weight, would you lose interest? If the answer is that you would not be with them if either thing happened, then you arent ready to be married to that person. Better just to sleep with them but never marry them and wait for the infatuation of sex to wear off because it will eventually without true love behind it to keep it fueled for life.

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      • serenity33 says:
        Posted: 26 Oct 10

        1 Corinthians 6:9-10 warns us, Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners shall inherit the kingdom of God.

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