Is sleeping apart the key to a happy marriage?

Posted by Ria, 09 Jun 08

A woman faced jail after stabbing and beating her husband to death. In Britain, one in four couples resort to separate beds. Reason? SNORING partners :lol:

The above are tragic-comic glimpses into a serious but rarely discussed issue for couples – sleep incompatibilities. My dude wakes me up more than six times a night because he keeps snoring and fidgeting. Wonder what he does in his dreams. Well, I am not alone. Both men and women suffer just like me.

According to Doctor Chris Alford, sleep psychologist, University of the West of Eng land, sleep conflicts = relationship conflicts. The problem is so great and more people seem to be taking to single beds. And if the analysts’ predictions are true, come 2015, more than 60% of custom built houses in Britain will have dual master bedrooms.

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Is this the way to go?

Well, snoring is the most obvious cause of bedtime tension (and those that play computer games in bed, don’t think you have escaped). Snorers may be denying their partners two hours of sleep. And don’t get me started with all the kicking during dreams, blanket wrestling … I could go on.

Then we have the larks (those that go to bed early) and the owls (the late nighters). Now imagine if your partner is a lark and you an owl. What time will you communicate? And what time will you do the did? Schedule it?

What can a couple do? Only so much. According to Professor Jim Horne of the Loughborough University Sleep Research Centre, sleep conflicts seem to be bound up with fundamental biological and behavioral differences of the sexes. After attaching movement monitors to men and women sleepers, men moved much more than women and were much more likely to disrupt women’s sleep than the other way round.

Why? Hormonal fluctuations during a menstrual cycle can disrupt sleep. And male assertiveness plays a part too. Sammy Margo, author of 'The Good Sleep Guide', believes that couples shouldn’t despair since her book aims to provide practical solutions to people with sleep problems.

“When couples first start sleeping together, they are willing to sacrifice comfort to be closes to their partner. After a while, when emotional closeness is assured, many just want to have a good night’s sleep again. This isn’t selfish, distant or unromantic, it’s just practical,᾿ she explains.

Much as she gives advice on how to go about all this, Margo still feels that a couple with serious sleep conflicts should consider separate beds.

And who came up with this idea of couples sleeping together? Could sleeping in separate beds save you from hacking your partner to death or impair your love life? Well, I think it can be a sign of a strongly bonded couple communicating their needs.

But if you feel it will wreck it, why not go the Queen Victoria way … have separate bedrooms and leave a bowl of oranges outside your door for your Prince Albert whenever you are in the mood of some steamy loving. Apparently they used to appear almost every night.

What do you think?

11 responses to "Is sleeping apart the key to a happy marriage?"

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  1.   amorbwa says:
    Posted: 16 Jul 08

    I have been in a relationship with a "snorer" and I made sure to take him to the Dr.....There could be something medically wrong that requires attention..I must say that in his case he had the sleep disorder which required him to put a breathing instrument along with a small mask on at night..".LOVE WILL MAKE YOU DO STRANGE THINGS"...It lasted for a short while-just couldn't take that every night.....

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  2.   Velvet63 says:
    Posted: 21 Jun 08

    Seperate rooms are good if you are a light sleeper like I am. I get up at 5:15 for work. I got to school and need a good nights rest. We sleep in seperate rooms so I don't wake him with late night studing and he doesn't keep me up with the snoring. It works out great.

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  3. Posted: 17 Jun 08

    Aside from snoring, there also the room temperature thing. Guys produce so much body heat that they often want AC in the bedroom. A lot of women prefer to be warm. I've heard of petite women with larger male partners who talk of practically suffocating under his embrace - lol.

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  4.   Scarletibis says:
    Posted: 13 Jun 08

    While snoring is a turn off, I can't imagine not sleeping with my husband. Then again I haven't slept with anyone that snored so badly before. I think the snoring can be used to hide deeper issues.

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  5.   kenyanito says:
    Posted: 13 Jun 08

    yes Meron, Intimacy can be highly affected...thats why you seek a solution. If separating the bedrooms is the answer so be it but remember that you need to communicate and there's no better time than at night...

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  6.   Meron says:
    Posted: 12 Jun 08

    Intimacy can be highly affected! My Mom and Brother are the snorers in our family. Mom is divorced and on the 1st floor. I sleep on the 2nd. I breathe a little heavy but have never bothered my past sleep mates (accept for my girl college mate who visits and she just kicks me and i reposition). That can be annoying long term! My brother on the other hand has been deaf on one side since a child. His wife wakes up everyone in the house when they visit. He has grown to deal and sleeps with his good ear to the other side. If someone bothers me, i get up and resort to another room until tired enough to return and sleep like a log through it all! If tired, I can sleep through anything! And i mean anything! Good luck to ya!

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  7.   Meron says:
    Posted: 12 Jun 08

    Intimacy can be highly affected! My Mom and Brother are the snorers in our family. Mom is divorced and on the 1st floor. I sleep on the 2nd. I breathe a little heavy but have never bother my past sleep mates (accept for my girl college mate who visits and she just kicks me and i reposition). That can be annoying long term! My brother on the other hand has been deaf on one side since a child. His wife wakes up everyone in the house when they visit. He has grown to deal and sleeps with his good ear to the other side. If someone bothers me, i get up and resort to another room until tired enough to return and sleep like a log through it all! If tired, I can sleep through anything! And i mean anything! Good luck to ya!

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  8.   ice2008 says:
    Posted: 12 Jun 08

    This is so true....and largely ignored....until people start living and sleeping together. Once the lust / starry eyes part of the relationship wears off, then reality sets in as to what you have to deal with from your mate. Snoring is definitely a BIG problem, different hours of going to sleep, a "dream fighter" who wakes you up at night constantly, or even a medical issue (diabetic getting up to piss 4-5 times a night or "restless legs" syndrome) can cause problems between couples. Separate bedrooms might seem like the answer, but then you lose the closeness factor of being in a relationship and it becomes routine to "schedule an appointment" with your mate in order to have sex. That makes it monotonous and boring! And that in itself can lead to cheating! Life in a sexual relationship should be about spontaneity, not routine! Hmmmmm......maybe I LOVE LUCY had it right back in the 1950's! Desi and Lucy had separate beds, but at least it was in the SAME bedroom. Sleeping in separate bedrooms.....BAD IDEA!!!!!

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  9.   kenyanito says:
    Posted: 12 Jun 08

    I know the irony of one partner making it impossible for the other to sleep but if you can bear with it then its well and good..personally it irritates me and i used to wake my hubby up....

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  10.   babylove says:
    Posted: 11 Jun 08

    lindsad's jining on the famous free interracial dating site intimatemingle DOTC om..?is this news ture or not?who knows.....

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  11.   Pia65 says:
    Posted: 09 Jun 08

    It would probably have helped that hubby if they had more than one bedroom...she could have slept there or on a pullout couch...that's what some of my coupled friends did...they use to take turns doing that. Somehow their marriages lasted longer then my 19.5 years. I'm a widow now, but when I was married my husband could "call the hogs from the field"....that's my mom's saying since she was our landlady for several years. Her bedroom was above ours so she couldn't help but hear him snore.....Our solution? Well, we all settled on turning on the radio to a cassical station....It would bore him so he slept, it would soothe both me & mom so we could get some much needed rest. Oh, since my hubby worked 4-12midnite we (mom & I) would try to be asleep before he got home...It helped that he didn't touch the radio station & slept in one spot in our kingsized bed!

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