Is your spouse hotter than you?

Posted by Ria, 04 Aug 09

They say beauty (or should I say hotness) is in the eye of the beholder. I have never figured out what it really means. But clearly, different people will rate you differently on the hotness scale. Isn’t a man’s meat another man’s poison?

Such ratings based on ones looks never escape relationships. I remember looking at one couple when I was in my 20s and telling my friends, “That chick did the dude a favor. Or maybe she just wanted a not-so-good-looking dude who no other women would drool over. ” When I look back now, I realize that was just the shallow me talking. What I thought was not-so-good-looking for me, must have been a god-send for the other chick.

Not to deviate too much from the topic, some people usually feel that their spouses are much hotter than them. It’s like they can’t even understand why their spouses are with them and how in the world they would fall for or be attracted to them. So they tend to look for other reasons to explain why their spouses are with them besides love and attraction.

Tyra Banks once had a show where she had some couples over and the women believed their men were much more attractive than them. On a scale of 1-10, the women rated themselves way below 5 and thought their spouses were either 9's or 10's. Some claimed their men were the center of attraction when they were at social events. Another woman whose dude is Romanian believes the husband only married her for the green card. Funny thing is that the men really love their women and find them very attractive. But one of the women said she feels he says that just because they are together.

Such things really affect a relationship and most of the time, self esteem gets the best of us. What we think of ourselves isn’t what others see … our spouses especially. It’s really sad especially when a woman feels she isn’t hot enough for her dude. And it puts a strain on the relationship because these are the kind of things that make women question their spouse’s faithfulness. One woman even went to the extent of watching the surveillance tapes of his husband’s workplace just to make sure he does not fool around with his 'hot' co-worker. :roll:

Women, own your own hotness. It all comes from within. When you feel hot about yourself, you ooze the hotness to the world and suddenly everyone sees that.

I don’t know if this happens to men. Are there men out there who feel their spouses are much hotter and don't understand why they chose them in the first place? Do you feel you are being 'done for a favor'. Does how you rate yourself and your spouse on the hotness scale affect your relationship? How?

24 responses to "Is your spouse hotter than you?"

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  1.   Snazzybella says:
    Posted: 31 Dec 09

    Since I am totally HOTT myself, I rarely feel the need to compare. My ex spouse was hot at the time that we were together, and now that we are not it does not matter to me. Since hotness to me is a state of mind, who ever I am with is just as hot as me while we together :)

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  2.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 13 Sep 09

    I guess what I am trying to say is / In a married state of mind both people give 100% without question .

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  3.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 13 Sep 09

    Since I have been on this site from 2002 , I have been called out many times . First it was the History teachers / who desired to remain in the dark ages of times long past . Teaching others without possessing a Bona fide Teaching Degree / Bull or pony depending where you live . People gaining their opinions on life from Television shows / Where the actors and participants are paid to act the Fool televised Nationwide . Bloggers who admittedly only joined this site to show how good they thought they could debate and openly insult all other Bloggers / constantly . Statisticians / who had access to books and gave out numbers like Insurance company agents during their quarterly reports . and last but knot least those with Negative outlooks on Life . Love is what two people Share and equally give to one another / Nandi ; Yes I have a moustache , goatee and Male reproductive equipment . My wife tells me that she Loves me many times every hour of the day and to be very very truthful I see it in how we as older people spent Our days together 24/7 . We earn Love from each other by the simple tasks that / all people do everyday to live this Life . Value , Respect and Honesty are how Grown people exist as a Spousal Unit . NOPLAYER ; I will remain a victim of Happiness . Thank you . Throw them negative thoughts in the wind and stop and smell the Roses .

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  4.   whurr says:
    Posted: 13 Sep 09

    Back to the blog....like 99% of the people on this site better looking than me. This is a dayum trick question! If I say no she wasn't, I'm saying I married into the ugly 1% of life. Can't fool me with these tricky questions. If a train is traveling at 60 mph from Point A and another train is .......

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  5.   whurr says:
    Posted: 13 Sep 09

    @NOPLAYER I was about to tell your wife that you were comparing her to corn flakes. The only thing preventing me was that you capitalized it and made it 'Corn Flakes'. You obviously were referrig to Kelloggs. I'll let you slide on this one only because we all know that Kelloggs is some dayum good cereal. Now if it was Great Value corn flakes.....

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  6.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 11 Sep 09

    I'll take a crack at this one! What man doesn't feel proud to have an attractive woman on his arm that turns the heads of not only men but a few women? I've never felt that my wife's atttractiveness has done me a favor or giving me anything that I didn't bring into the marriage! I'm comfortable in my own skin so, my spouses attractiveness cant add to what I have, she can only compliment it. It's like a bowl of Corn Flakes, even without the sugar you still have a nutriticious meal! LOL Low self-esteem breeds insecurities and as a result people may wonder why would someone attractive desire them or they may find it hard to believe that someone sees something of value in them even when they cant see it in themselves. If you're one of these people you'd best be on guard because you have people out there that will feed off of your insecurities and low self-esteem and they'll take you for a ride. They'll become your everything almost over night, they'll get you strung-out on the attention, the sex, the sweet words of admiration and most crucial, the validation. Once they acomplish that, its not long before they start loving you out of any and everything they can get from you, so don't let your need for affirmation and validation lead to your victimization! Peace!

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  7.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 10 Sep 09

    miri2008 ; Spouse in my dictionary / Married Husband and Wife . The topic did relate to Us . Thank you for your concern .

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  8.   Enigma64 says:
    Posted: 30 Aug 09

    Lol@ Whurr. I've never compared, I just think I know the type of guys that tend to be attracted to me, versus what I like. It doesn't match up. It's rare that it does.

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  9.   miri2008 says:
    Posted: 30 Aug 09

    Man!... i am still laughing... you are too funny...

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  10.   miri2008 says:
    Posted: 30 Aug 09

    Oh my goodness Whurr :) lol, lol, lol...

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  11.   whurr says:
    Posted: 30 Aug 09

    Miri2008, I'm jealous of your comment about Sailor. I would type something long like that if I was using somethign besides my dialup modem and my Commodore 64 to logon. I got sum writin skillz 2 ! SIGHHHH

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  12.   miri2008 says:
    Posted: 29 Aug 09

    Sailor, your comments weren't sappy at all - just true!

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  13.   whurr says:
    Posted: 24 Aug 09

    My ex is hotter than me cuz she got my money! I'm all fat and sloppy from living off Peanut Butter n Jelly and government Pork N Beans topped with that yellow-ish gubment cheese block. I have a high lipid count, Im a living billboard for TransFat overdose, and my flatulance has killed all the stray animals in my hood. So ...yeah my ex-spouse is currently hotter than me!

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  14.   LakeLouise says:
    Posted: 21 Aug 09

    No one's doing anyone a favour. That's a load of old rubbish. I agree that if someone is insecure regarding their looks then that will cause problems in a relationship. You just have to believe that you are worth more than your looks - and if you believe that, others will too.

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  15. Posted: 14 Aug 09

    miri - Fascinating and thanks! We're complex social creatures, aren't we?

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  16. Posted: 14 Aug 09

    WARNING! VERY SAPPY OPINIONS: PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK! Thanks Ria - Wonderful subject. Yes, we're a collection of attributes looking for another that's compatible and one's meat is another's poison. I'm often amused at what women think men like (How about a healthy, fairly fit body, draped simply and tastefully and topped with a great big welcoming smile? Be still, my fluttering heart!) - Us men are such a diverse set of simple creatures and really do like many things quite differently on women. It's why there really are mates just right for each of us. Personally, I'm an especially odd duck and I'm quite happy with my several-standard-deviations-from-the-norm life, knowing there's an oddball gal just right for me, looking for what I offer and we'll live happily ever after because we'll work to make it so. I think much of the strength of dating sites is quickly seeing many basic compatibilities we'd often otherwise overlook or would simply not find before forming emotional attachments. Of course, we pay for this with the initial remoteness and uncertainty of surface chemistry inherent in computer screens... Which comes full circle: I think we have many aspects of attraction and though there's some things we can't abide and others we know we ought to run away from but don't always, there's many personality traits that, when considered in the light of our full selves, aren't such a big deal after all. That's why, while I know what I like most in a woman's looks, I look first for kind eyes and a happy face. The pleasure I give my partner and see in her eyes is so much more attractive to me than an ideal body and it's certainly possible to fall in love with someone who does not have a body that's ideal to them. That's not to say I become inured to her keeping herself in shape or letting herself go ("The horror, the horror..."), in the least. I'm if anything much more aware of her looks and keeping herself pretty. Knowing she's doing so, partly in anticipation of my appreciation of her charms, is much of the delight that Riff Raff (in The Rocky Horror Picture Show) expressed with "antici... pation." It's part of the chivalrous, romantic dance that brings such joy to relationships and why I think it's crucial to the longterm happiness of a deep love to have a constant romantic focus and celebration with each other. Constantly showing our love, attraction and care for each other keeps our strength in our love and each other strong and telling and showing each other, frequently and regularly, is in my mind the way to do it. It's a paradigm shift to being part of a couple and appreciating the huge synergies that come from it. It's why I want a very close relationship, partnership and love with my next and hopefully last partner. It's not a relationship that's good for everyone - For one thing, it pretty much requires two very sappy romantics. It's also why a big nose or a big income is insignificant to me in my search for my love: While I really don't care one way or the other about nasal configurations and would like a financially comfortable life, I know we will inspire and support each other and the fundamental worth of that is inestimable. When we're really happy together, going on an expensive or cheap vacation is something we won't remember thirty years from now - We will remember the touching, playful moments with our loves, though. This is why I get frustrated with women's materialism - Those often wonderful gals simply don't get the big picture: Money really, really, really doesn't buy happiness. Sorry to bust all the advertising but it's true. We create happiness by loving quality people in our lives, treating them well and having that returned. Sharing our beautiful world, inspiring and watching each other grow is the icing on the cake. Ask some old folks about it. What do they see as worthwhile and important in their lives? I have and it's the happy, secure, peaceful, playful old farts that have had daily love and consider theirs a life of great worth. I've yet to talk with elderly people who don't in one way or another attach much importance to relationships. The quality of our life has so much to do with how we treat those in it - It keeps coming back to friends and family, for me. I've seen elderly couples deeply in love and being me, am charmed every time. It's something I want - To build a loving life of wonderful shared experiences and a happy family. With that kind of love, who could be insecure? Wouldn't that transform anyone, allowing them to really stretch their wings and be the best they can? Wouldn't that be wonderful, doing that for each other?

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  17.   runner19 says:
    Posted: 09 Aug 09

    I agree with the responses so far. It's somewhat of an interesting question, but it confused me too as to why it's posted to a dating website?

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  18.   Shotgun007 says:
    Posted: 07 Aug 09

    Yeah takinitall, its more than just looks/appearance to me. I like the article itself, but I am really curious to see a man's persepctive on this topic!!! Thx! Shotgun007

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  19.   miri2008 says:
    Posted: 07 Aug 09

    Patience ladies, I'm sure the other married blogger(s) will be here shortly to share, ...aren't they always? :) lol... Nice topic this time though. I remember watching something on a science channel where an experiment was conducted with a group of 10 men and 10 women to see if people teneded to pair up within ranges of similar levels of attractiveness. Prior to being put into the lab setting together, the men saw pictures of the women and rated them on an attractiveness scale of 1 to 10. Based on the combined results from the men, each woman was given an attractiveness rating. The women went through the same exercise with the men's photos. No individual person knew what attractiveness rating they had been given by the opposite sex. The women and men were then put in the lab together in these non-descript grey sweatsuits, and were asked to try to get the person of their choice to agree to pair up with them as quickly as possible. Lo and behold in a fairly short span of time, a clear majority of people paired up with others who were at an equal attractiveness rating as themselves, with no one pairing up with anyone more than 1 point off from their own rating. The researchers claimed that the experiment results supported the hypothesis that people dislike rejection and come to learn by the response of others what attractiveness levels they can expect positive response from, and they gravitate to people in this range because there is a greater likelihood of a positive outcome. Maybe this is why it stands out a little when people make choices that clearly do not support this theory... lol. My 16 year old feels that everyone should have to carry their rating on a ID card and it should be strictly enforced that there be no pairings beyond 1 point difference above or below your own rating... lol lol lol

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  20.   takinitall says:
    Posted: 06 Aug 09

    @ Shotgun 007 You got this one girl! I loved your response and you are 100% on. As I have grown older, I have learned that there is so much more than physical attributes to determine a mate. Great insight!

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  21.   Shotgun007 says:
    Posted: 06 Aug 09

    I will answer from a previous relationship that I was involved in. My former ex was not hotter than me in some respects. By physical appearance I had him beat 9 to 4 (I was fit/athletic, he was heavyset) but when it came to foreign affairs, US current market rates , or Wall Street, James kicked my a--- every week!! Its not just physical attributes that contribute to overall appearance/hotness, but also intellect.For example, I think a smart man that can hold his "own" in the face of fierce opposition is highly sexy and hot, because it exudes confidence. To answer the Blog Question: *****Does how you rate yourself and your spouse on the hotness scale affect your relationship? How? ****** Self Esteem always plays a significant role in a relationship & how we rate ourselves, so yes how we feel about ourselves (personally) definitely can affect our relationships. If I dont feel physically healthy first and physically sexy, and smart, it affects my relationship, (just being honest). But I'm slightly confused on the Blog Article Title... I certainly realize that we have married bloggers on this site, but for the most part, most of us are single. That would make the Question, redundant to ask. I'm with you Nandi, I want to hear the men's point of views with regards to their spouses/mates. Shotgun007

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  22.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 05 Aug 09

    They also say " All the girls get prettier at close Sing time " and Beauty is indeed in the eye of the Beerholder .

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  23.   Nandi says:
    Posted: 05 Aug 09

    Ria, Ria...come on now...You are asking "I dont know if this happens to men. Are there men out there who feel their spouses are much hotter and dont understand why they chose them in the first place? Do you feel you are being done for a favor. Does how you rate yourself and your spouse on the hotness scale affect your relationship? How?" Do you really expect an answer from men on a dating site about their spouses? I mean do tell....LOL I believe these women have issues that are deeper than the appearance of their spouses or partners... What woman compares her looks to that of her spouse or parner who is of a different sex...They are alot of hot looking guys, but I do not want to look like anyone of them...Tbey might have a mustache, goatee, big feet and a penis LOL...No thank you I do agree women should define themselves and create a unique and different style that is their very own and not from fashion magazines or somone else's look, no one can make you feel good about yourself and no adult should need the validation of others to feel pretty. Now, I am eager for all these men to express how their spouses feel...Do tell....

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  24.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 04 Aug 09

    If she had knot looked better than me / I wood knot have wanted her . Age , Talents learned with time and Luck . Life has many different days to Enjoy . Opposites attract , you have taught me in my years here on this site. Eleven is the number that I looked for . An even Dozen is that Which I found . Skill

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