Married to a He who was really a She

Posted by Ria, 18 Jan 08

What if you discovered that the person you married wasn’t the person you always thought he or she was? Think it’s impossible? Well it happens to people.

“I suppose I was naïve to think I could find true love on the internet, but I was lonely and desperate, and I was looking for someone to love. What I found instead was the start of my worst nightmare᾿ went Nancy.

Ok first of all, I have to make a point of correction to the above statement: people do find true love on the internet and online dating is not for the desperate and lonely!!!

Your perfect partner could be online right now...

What are you looking for?

Anyway this lady met a dude named Thorne in an online chat room and was immediately intrigued by his ‘exotic’ name and a connection was made immediately. He was 24 at the time, owning his own company. And Nancy was flattered by how Thorne was interested in her: Every time she mentioned another detail about herself, he’d ask her more. Now who wouldn’t be addicted to such flattery?

After about 6 weeks, they were in a relationship, calling each other and having very long conversations. But sadly, Thorne revealed to Nancy that he had some form of cancer (soft tissue sarcoma) and didn’t know what toll it would take on him. So with that kind of nudge, Nancy flew to New Mexico to meet him in person and of course he sent her a photo of himself – blond hair, with no facial hair and no glasses. Cute…she thought.

Then the weird stuff began. Half an hour before leaving for the airport, Thorne called Nancy saying, “You can’t come! I just came back from the doctor … and I’m HIV positive!᾿ Well this news shocked Nancy. But since she cared about him, she wasn’t about to let this stop her. In fact it made her feel even more sorry for him so she boarded the plane anyway.

So they met and it was amazing. “Now that you know about this AIDS thing, I know you’re going to leave me, and the memory of you having been in my home would just be too painful᾿ he went. (Ok. Later she learnt all this was a lie. The loser didn’t want her to know he was still living with his parents. So she stayed at a hotel and they talked at length about the HIV situation.

So they kissed… kisses she had never had with other men. And it never occurred to her that Thorne was anything but male. And he would shave his hairless face every day. (Which she later found out there was no blade in the razor.)

Though the HIV gave Thorne a reason for not having sexual relations, they bonded on another level … emotionally and verbally. Then he proposed after some months. So they got married and he moved in with her. And though it would be a marriage without normal sexual relations, Nancy hoped that having her in his life could help him face his life-threatening conditions.

At first all seemed fine. They kissed but never saw each other naked … and because he was HIV positive, it didn’t make sense to tempt one another. However, after a few weeks Nancy began to worry. Thorne didn’t seem very sick – there were no doctor’s appointments or visible doctor’s bills.

One weekend while packing their bags in a suitcase they were sharing, Nancy discovered some hidden dildo. And when confronted, he said it was a prosthetic that a psychiatrist had given him a long time ago and concocted some hermaphrodite story claiming that he has been born mostly male and needed some corrective surgery and hormones early in life and that the doc had given it to him as a self confidence tool. Bizarre? Yes. But Nancy thought it best to push it out of her mind.

Anyway she had better things to think about. Having given Thorne her ATM card, her money was rapidly being drained away from her bank account. Checks bouncing … she was broke. Her paycheck wasn’t enough to support them and he wasn’t making any efforts to get a job.

So she did what any suspicious person does – ganged up with mummy dearest and called government agencies trying to verify his passport number and ID number. No one they called had any record of Thorne. So it became clear he was leading a double life. He pretended to go for job interviews and when she called to confirm, they inevitably told her they had never heard of him. But she couldn’t confront him. With HIV and some cancer, she wasn’t sure how fragile he was.

Much as she was concerned about Thorne, she was more worried about her own safety. So she decided to get Thorne packing with “You have to go back to Albuquerque or find your own place. I don’t care because you’re obviously not getting any sicker, and yet you’re not trying to get a job. You have lied to me about job interviews and I don’t trust you anymore. And I will no live with you in this house.᾿ He was livid! So he left four months after the wedding date after agreeing to a separation.

Then came the shocking truth!

Four days after he left, an envelope addressed to him arrived and peeky Nancy opened it. Inside were a passport and a birth cert for someone named Holly except the picture on Holly’s passport was clearly a picture of Thorne. Then it all started falling into place. The photo had been taken before Thorne and Nancy met. And it wasn’t his twin sister or him in drag. It all came down on her like “Oh, my God!!᾿

She called him her “Explain to me why I am looking at a woman’s ID with your picture on it!᾿ All he could say was “Well, because I’m really Holly᾿ She cried and cried and since same sex marriages were illegal in Virginia at the time, the marriage was null and void. And when her massive phone bill came, Thorne had started calling other women already.

What would you do when this happens and you start questioning your judgement? We love the internet but just like in the real world not everyone has good intentions. Exercise caution.

Tags: online dating fraud

Responses to "Married to a He who was really a She"

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  1.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 25 May 09

    This could be an urban myth, but maybe it doesn't sound like it. Usually there isn't a name attached to it but credited rather to a friend of a friend [and just a note, in the second paragraph, Nancy didn't "went". She said or recalled or related. If she did go somewhere, it wasn't connected to what she said] If the story is true, it is easy to sit in judgment and talk about "THE VOICE FROM WITHIN" and other such. Those things are there if we allow ourselves to hear them and are open to those voices and good sense. It is all to easy to allow ourselves to be deaf to them. Loneliness and a bad self-image are a strong one-two punch to overcome. It is sad to say but Nancy brought the worst of it on herself. Truly she was lied to and probably by someone who is very good at it. However, the lack of a J-O-B should have kept her from giving up the A-T-M. Let that be a lesson to me.

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  2.   kristent says:
    Posted: 14 Nov 08

    I don't understand what is more upsetting to everyone on here. I mean the problem is that Thorne was a liar, not that Thorne used to be Holly. Nancy sounds like she would have accepted the fact that Thorne used to be a male, if he had been up front with her about his past. It just sounds like some of the posters are tying the two together, and not every transgendered person is a liar. Also, I hate to sound like I am blaming the victim, but it seems like Nancy didn't WANT to know, or admit, that her life with Thorne wasn't the fairy tale she made up in her mind.

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  3.   briabria says:
    Posted: 18 Sep 08

    This is not an isolated 'internet' issue. In Detroit, men are fooled ALL THE TIME-when meeting 'women' face2face. These boys look more feminine then bio born women. sometimes we believe what we want to believe. Whether ur meeting someone face2face or online...u shud always use wisdom. Look how many people have been killed by their spouses/significant others...people they met IN PERSON. there are no guarantees. that woman got off pretty easy compared to some scandals that are heard in the news. tragic

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  4.   lilo4love says:
    Posted: 11 May 08

    How bizzare. Largely i feel that this is a fictional account by internet dating haters. If not, this surely does take desperation and loneliness to a whole new level.

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  5.   HereIamBaby says:
    Posted: 31 Jan 08

    Is the worst thing being involed with someone who liked to dress up??? As long as they didnt steal my clothes, I think I could deal with it...shot, I might to barrow some of his! Smiles Sharon

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  6.   SnazzyBella says:
    Posted: 30 Jan 08

    I agree with tigerlillies, all of the signs were there and she chose to ignore them. We can't do that as women or men. Sometimes things just let u know something isn't right!!!

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  7. Posted: 30 Jan 08

    All of those things make me believe that Nancy REFUSED to take a hint. Thorne probably used her for easy anonymous convo and then couldn't get rid of her after she latched on. Most likely she played on his--her vulnerabilites. Heres what I think. I think Nancy was even more desperate than she admitted to. I think she was that type of clingy desperate that you can't get rid of. If she was, then she made her own bed. I COMPLETLEY BELIEVE THIS STORY and I don't feel sorry for her but I'm biased because I had an old friend that went through the same thing but was on the OTHER side of it. She met a man online who fell in love with her in the first IM. He refused to give her a pic but won her attention with his caring ways. She said he described himself to be very attractive and was very confident and so she believed him. The only problem he had was a speech impediment, he admitted. She was ok with this so she sent him a picture. One day he told her he had showed her picture to all of his friends and told them that she was his girlfriend. My friend was a very kind person and did not see the harm in it since they were so far apart and I remember she used to like talking to him. But this man had put her in deep stuff, everytime they would talk he would tell her something else he did without informing her first like tell his racist mom they were in love and disowned his mom for her. He got a second job to fly and meet her. He told someone they were engaged and had people expecting to meet the fiance (he had never even met her). He made all of these committments that made her feel guilty after what happened next. So finally he sent her a pic and he was NOTHING attractive and even to me he looked a little disfigured. My friend didn't want to look shallow so she played nice but told him they should just be friends a couple weeks later. He refused to accept it he said he loved her and he wanted to hold onto it. He would fight for it. He said he couldn't live without her and would get mad if she didn't call him for one day. Everytime she got ready to call it off, he sensed it and had a sob story about his uncle or somebody just getting cancer or dying in a car wreck. Even though the man was not her type she said she kept on calling him because she thought he would hurt himself if she didn't. This woman held onto this phony relationship with this man for over 2 years until she finally got the courage to call it off for the last time. When she did he said no he was coming to find her and take her to Vegas because he knew that she loved him. Keep in mind they had never even met and he never even knew her last name! He was going only on her voice and her words. This man had fallen head over heels for her, clung and refused to let go. He was in a fantasy world. Personally I believe that man was a stalker and a Grade A psycho. But my friend thought that he just wanted somebody to accept him. He was a liar. He got what he deserved. She should have canned him when he showed her the pic because he had ample opportunity to explain the disfigurements on his face before he sent the pic! For the entire 2 years they were chatting and she was filling me in, she became a liar. She was making up everything in the book. She told the man she 'cheated', then got pregnant, then committed a crime and might be going to prison. Every lie she told, he forgave her for and refused to let go. After the last time he refused to accept her 'dumping' him, she just stopped calling him and changed her number. She was sad about it a long time because that was what she was trying to avoid but the man had arranged plans to meet and marry in Vegas! It took her a long time but she had to get out. I told her that after the first time she called the friendship off, if he couldn't handle it, it was HIS problem. She was just too nice. He made his own bed. Some psychos don't know when to let go or how to take a hint. NOW THAT was Jerry Springer stuff, it is very sad but all true. I wonder if that is what happened with Nancy. Her story seems so much like my friends'. Trying to scare them away and they just WON'T go. So desperate that she couldn't take a hint. Holly/Thorne was obviously trying to stop her when he called saying he had AIDS. AND I'm almost sure that Nancy had bought the ticket and invited herself to New Mexico, like it or not. It's not right what Holly did to her but you never know her side of the story. Just like my old friend, Holly might actually have been trying to avoid the whole mess but was too deep in to stop it. And I guess if you can't beat em, join em! LOLOL. Wise up, poor Nancy. Learn to take a hint and save yourself the drama. *and sorry, I know that was just wayyy too long.

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  8.   ethereal99 says:
    Posted: 24 Jan 08

    Yes, people do find true love on the internet & it can be exciting & rewarding. At the same time, we all know that there are some strange people out there too. I think Nancy was had her doubts but was turned on by the excitement & weirdness of the situation. PS: LOL@coco,& I agree, ya gotta check the merchandise before committing like that.

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  9.   6wings says:
    Posted: 24 Jan 08

    that's a sad story and a very painful one for the woman well i mean the real woman. I think poeple should start insisting on seeing others on cam and if posible see them naked before meeting them.

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  10.   mrsmile says:
    Posted: 24 Jan 08

    am sorry for nancy, bnut when you get two are more red flags go up and you coninual with what your doing well you cant blame anyone but yourself, when things dont add up with you In a few days or even a week Its time to sit down and take some real action and even talk to someone about this lies are so easily to see and come by cause most people wil give themselve away In a few mins and thne you would know sometimes Its best just to listen not to the other person but your heart, dont jump so fast when the fire Is already lit.

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  11.   coppertop says:
    Posted: 23 Jan 08

    When I saw the headline I thought who could be naive enough to fall for something like this. After reading it I have to think its not true or the person(Nancy) really was very foolish. If true its sad that the other woman(Holly) would be so dishonest with another persons emotions and life. Sadly the story sensationalizes the bad parts of society and relationships. It would be nice if we were as interested in the stories with happy endings.

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  12.   Barb44 says:
    Posted: 23 Jan 08

    That's an amaizing story and that sort of thing is the very reason I am so selective. Todays medical and surgical procedure can make a person whomever they choose to be..or be like, And it can happen anytime anywhere not just on line...caution is always a benefit.

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  13.   vt33 says:
    Posted: 22 Jan 08

    A little sensitive are we Brown..lol..lol

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  14.   BrownMagic says:
    Posted: 22 Jan 08

    To Herelambaby, You are d*** straight it matters if lies are presented instead of the truth!!! To vt33, what do you mean by "ALL women...."? You must be out of your mind. First of all I am not all women. It is sad that you FALL in that category. So the next time speak for yourself. Because you definitely don't speak for or represent "ALL" women!!! Especially not me!!!

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  15.   BrownMagic says:
    Posted: 22 Jan 08

    First of all you get what you deserve if you are that desperate, lonely, gullible & BLIND to overlook something of this caliber. "IF", and this would be a be "IF" 'cause it ain't happenin' here, I would give original split for being deceptive and than feed it to the fishies....LOL Is this a true story by a REAL person or just fiction?

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  16.   fala says:
    Posted: 22 Jan 08

    I'm with ThickLover and G6 on this one. This sounds totally made up.

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  17.   girlsixdiva says:
    Posted: 22 Jan 08

    I agree with ThickLover. It would make the article more credible if the author would cite her sources.

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  18.   cocokisses says:
    Posted: 22 Jan 08

    I totally agree Whitelion!

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  19.   Prncssdyn says:
    Posted: 21 Jan 08

    It is sad that in the quest to love and be loved that we still disregard the real facts in front of us. We may not want to admit it but we've all had a "Nancy" moment in our lives. To what degree it escalated, only we know, however, let's view another's choice with compassion and strive to make informed, rational choices ourselves.

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  20.   Darklicious says:
    Posted: 21 Jan 08

    It's no way possible that I would have fallen for all that scrap. Nancy had to be a really desperate woman because it was so very clear to me that something was wrong here. thank you for the warning because people are out there to take advantage of innocent people.

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  21.   2ute4u says:
    Posted: 21 Jan 08

    like the the two initial writers my comment was "wow" atfirst too, becuz it's so unbelieveably, so surreal.,aam speechless, but the signs were there, no one twisted her arms....but thanx for the heads up

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  22.   mossimo says:
    Posted: 20 Jan 08

    A very sad tale. Trust those instincts though. If she had followed up on those at any time it might have spared some heartache and dinero

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  23.   whitelion says:
    Posted: 20 Jan 08

    What is there to do except give this person Jerry Spriger's number. Oh wait,I think that show was already on! All I can say was best said by Forrest Gump, "Stupid is as stupid does" Grow up!

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  24.   noire says:
    Posted: 20 Jan 08

    Whether this is true or not its a situation we ladies should all learn from. Listen to that small voice, be more intuitive and ALWAYS pay attention to the red flags. We should not be too lonely or desperate (online or offline) because the consequences can be drastic. Plus you really can't hurry love so take the time to find out everything you need to. Dig into their past if you must, better safe than sorry.

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  25.   HereIamBaby says:
    Posted: 20 Jan 08

    If you love them does it really matter...? OR should/could you ever trust them again since they were not up front with you in the first place? I think that would be a bigger question...at least with me. Smiles and world peace, Sharon

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  26.   THICK_LOVER says:
    Posted: 20 Jan 08

    To Ria: Ria, please cite where you sourced this story. With all due respect, it sounds made up. An urban myth. Phil

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  27.   AhTrini says:
    Posted: 19 Jan 08

    Now, this is toooooooooooooooo freakin' funny and sad at the very same time. I blame the person who was so gullible for fall for such BS, not the one perpetrating it.

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  28.   vt33 says:
    Posted: 19 Jan 08

    This is a very simple thing to do. Feeling someones doink, isn't excatly the key to testing the mercahdise or what ever. Listening to that little voice, yeah..uh huh, the same one that tells you to buy that handbag or shoes!! LISTEN TO THE VOICE FROM WITHIN. When Nancy's first suspicions peaked, she should have reacted. It's the same vicious web "ALL" women fall into. We dismiss a little detail, when the "SMALLEST DETAIL", tells alot about a person. A person with HIV, who is "RESPONSIBLE", will tell you that first thing into a conversation and that is Law Required in the US. It was far to many rips in this story that would have got my, find out who this motherf****er really is. To know someone over the phone and internet is impossible, the masks are to great, same can be said in the physical. Truth be told, I think, looking for love anywhere is dangerous, and a big disappointment. I don't take any pity on Nancy, there were far to many things brought to the light that she should have been thinking...Hmmmm, now that seems strange, can't come to his house..hmmm 30 minutes before flight time, you just found out you have HIV...but you were first diagnois with soft tissue cancer...hmm those two things alone would have made me stop..look..and snoop! Ciao Folks!

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  29.   kijanacrnk says:
    Posted: 19 Jan 08

    Well it pays to really find out everything about the person you are dating like friends , old pictures and if one says that they have aids and you still want to be with them one needs to go to the appointments with them and learn all about it.

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  30.   HereIamBaby says:
    Posted: 19 Jan 08

    Liars, they are everywhere...not just the internet...it just makes it more accessible to find more people...it is a numbers game...uses to be you meet them at bars or even church! Be careful...you can live with someone for 30 years and find out that they are not what you thought they were....I think it boils down to if they can trust you with the sides of themselves that they know someone wouldn't accept. Southen smiles and world peace, Sharon

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  31.   briknlace says:
    Posted: 19 Jan 08

    nancy's is just one of the many weired stories we've had on net dating..not all are bad but we should exercise caution.av had a bad relationship from the net but i always console myself that not all people are the same.people tend to pretend so before you enter a commitment with a net love really take time to study the person,not in weeks or days take even a yr.

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  32.   meluran says:
    Posted: 19 Jan 08

    I feel really sorry for Nancy. Even if someone has nice talking , it's better to check sometime.I believe in website dating and I dont think that could be a reason for denying the best side of online dating. I've been checked by women being interested in me and I experienced that people are very fussy when the other is from a developped country ( I'm from west Africa -Abidjan- Ivory Coast - ) Maybe It will be good to use the same way. People learn everyday Nancy ; just take it as an experience in life and don't get sad or mad and keep on searching.

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  33.   jaymax says:
    Posted: 18 Jan 08

    What a sad outcome for someone who was reaching out to be a friend and later a wife. Some people are so ruthless and uncaring...only caring about themselves. Thorne should have been on a gay or transgender website looking for love. Not trying to fool someone who apparently had a heart and caring spirit. Be careful ladies, and guys...it could have been any of us.

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  34.   tigerlilies says:
    Posted: 18 Jan 08

    I think that's why I said in the article about video dating, at least you can see who you're talking to and see that they're the sex they should be and look like the picture they show. This is so sad, to be that desperate for a relationship. She had warning signs before she lost all that money, she just didn't listen to reason.

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  35.   girlsixdiva says:
    Posted: 18 Jan 08

    oops I meant "cam" not came

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  36.   girlsixdiva says:
    Posted: 18 Jan 08

    See thats why it's important for people to use common sense when talking to people from the internet. Don't fall for someone just because they have a nice screen name or say really nice things to you. At least see the person on web came before wasting your time and money to go out and blindly meet someone. And being married with no sex??? That right there tells me how stupid this woman was.

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  37. Posted: 18 Jan 08

    I think she let it go too far. I wouldn't gotten on that plane when I got that first phone call. But like cocokisses said you live and you learn. Good luck everyone!

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  38.   cocokisses says:
    Posted: 18 Jan 08

    Wow! Naive isn't the word for it! It's like this...you wouldn't buy a car without taking a test drive if you know what I mean. Also, by nature we girls like to "feel around" things. Not feeling that sexy "bump" would have sent me running for the hills...LOL! All I can say is you live and learn. I'll bet the next time the first place her hands will wander to is the crotch, and it better not be some rubber toy down there! ROTFL!

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  39.   bigfine1966 says:
    Posted: 18 Jan 08

    wow when reading this at first i thought this as to be a made up story but just like life it could be true and it could happen to some. I wont say everyone or anyone. But is our drive to love so great that we find ways to avoid or block out those little wispers that we all hear and some choose to turn the volume down on . And how do we fine tune it so when it is feeling good we still have some sense about us.

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