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Negative sentiments sparked by a dating site for men who love the black woman

Posted by James, 01 Oct

Well, in my opinion, I thought this site would be a good thing because black women have always said that they are invisible; that nobody pays any attention to them. So someone decided to pay attention to the black woman and did a whole site for them … At least that’s how I see it.

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SHOCK!!! The comments that arose just because of this site on Clutch Magazine!!!! Lemme just say this attention was not received too well by both black men and black women. It became a war of words.

First, this comment from this dude cracked me up – the first bit that is: "Unless the dude lives in Uzbekistan, why does he need a website to meet sisters? This sounds like a chance for a black woman to be someone’s fetish." Another went: "…here’s some help for all the non-black fellas with a fetish for black women."

This is how the site was perceived by many. At the same time, most people didn’t like the idea that black women “need help” finding men to date. Most people thought this site was insulting to black women… And seeing as there are so many other interracial dating sites, some thought the site is basically saying that black women couldn’t compete with women of other races so people have to carve a “special” niche for them. People thought having a site dedicated to black women made said they were desperate or something: "A site where black women don’t have to compete with women of other races. Talk about insecurity. lol"

A woman, Latasha, doesn’t get this obsession with the Black woman: "First you do a study stating I’m the most ugly in the world now there’s a website dedicated to dating me …why does the world want me to not date black men so bad?"

I thought black men count as men of other races too?

Aren’t there other sites of this kind for men who want to date Jewish women, Asian women, Russian women, Philipino women, Hispanic women? I don’t hear a mass of people calling these women desperate and insecure. So one is left to wonder: Are such comments about the insecure desperate black woman aimed at discouraging black women who are probably considering interracial dating or simply joining this interracial dating site?

At one point, it stopped being about the site and became a war between the black community… black women this, black men that! Then it became about interracial dating and marriage with people insinuating that a black person and a white person cannot fall in love, that these relationships don’t last. That black men may marry white women but they eventually run back into the arms of the black woman.

One commenter, “repeating my post”, countered this saying: "I know an interracial couple where the white husband has sat by his wife’s side as she battled cancer TWICE. They went through heck and back. You think they don’t love each other after 20 years together? I feel sorry for you all for not really understanding the power of love and how it does not know color." [Well I know many interracial couples who have stood together for years.]

Other people had no problem with the site per se. One commenter, BeanBean, said she cannot use it because:

"I don’t want a man who picked me because he wanted a black girl. I just want a guy who wants me for me. I’m sure there are very nice men with genuine affection for black women on this site, but I’m sure this ‘black women’ site also brings out the crazies. Look at ‘asian women’ dating sites, it’s crawling with creeps with ethnic fetishes. I guess it’s something that many women can try out. Perhaps black women will find their future husband on this site, who knows!"

And the above sentiment was shared by many black women. Some thought this site was about someone trying to make money out of black women’s singleness like "Steve Harvey, Hill Harper and a host of other black guys do" adding that "Black women have paid Mr. Harvey millions of dollars for really bad advice."

There is a woman calling herself Marie who said something that makes so much sense… some of her words that is:

"…a non-black man is no different. A broken heart feels no less pain if such heart is broken by a black man or a non-black man.

Happiness and joy is not a color, its a feeling. If you find and share an amazing, incredible love with a black man, good for you. If you find and share an amazing, incredible love with a non-black man, good for you.

I wish you all well in the relationships you’re in. Peace."

Well good people, what are your sentiments about this site? Do you share some of the sentiments highlighted above? Do you think this attention to the black woman says more than meets the eye? Do tell.

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13 responses to "Negative sentiments sparked by a dating site for men who love the black woman"

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  1.   Ronicah says:
    Posted: 30 Jun 14

    I think a dating site for only the black women is not a fetish but only widens the opportunity for black women to feel comfortable in who they like to fall in love with. Whoever Is Not Ready for this then it's your problem. You go for what you want. Ha haha lol

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  2.   Deshy23 says:
    Posted: 27 Apr 14

    I think a dating site for only black women is not a good idea. It would encourage the "black woman fetish". But each to their own. I do believe that the bigger picture is simply the stereotypes that surrounds black women "aggressive etc" is what pushes men away from black women. Sadly both mothers and black men play a part in this. Some mothers put their sons off being with a black woman base on how she treats and speaks to her son and some black men who simply believe white is right physiologically add to black women feeling left out on the dating scene etc. Interracial dating is fab simply because God may reveal himself and be black, white, mixed, asian, indian, so then what, you can accept God as any race and not your partner? Be happy people, dont let race take away your happiness, we are all compatible, just need to find the rightone.

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  3.   Eam60 says:
    Posted: 31 Mar 14

    The last time I checked the constitution....in no written language was I told I need the get the "go ahead" to date a white man. I thought this frigin slave ownership ended a long time ago. Who ever think I am going to wait for permission.....then you may as well wait for "hell to freeze" or go where "the sun does not shine".

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  4.   mcfly15 says:
    Posted: 28 Dec 13

    I can see the rift betweem black women and black men growing. Black men have it hard in the work world. An independent study compared two sets of equal resumes being shopped around, one a generic white name and the other Tyrone. On avg, Tyrone took six weeks longer to get a call black. I have always neglected how easy it was to get an interview or job til I moved down south and being an italian from new york cost me big wit the 'real white ppl' aka rednecks. Just like black guys have it hard in the work place black women have it hard in dating. I believe above all else men are visual... and pretty is pretty but most guys myself included do the one last look back and think of what might have been rather then hit on a black women at a club or what not for fear of the unknown.

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  5.   Wonderwoman1 says:
    Posted: 15 Oct 13

    It's easier to tear down than to build up. Who ever doesn't like the idea of the new site shouldn't join. Obviously the site is not just for Black women only. It's a site for all those who want to connect with Black women as well. As the walls in our communities appear without borders, it's probably just as hard for Black men to meet Black women as it is for men of other races to meet Black women. I hope we can open up our hearts to dating anyone without denigrating our race or any other race. By the way, there is a Black humanity that exist beyond the borders of the United States. So what if someone has a fetish for Black Women! Try telling someone who has a shoe fetish that their love for shoes is not real. Find true love wherever you can find it!

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  6.   kutu7 says:
    Posted: 13 Oct 13

    the statement that let it swirl say's: As someone who has dated Black women exclusively for 20 years… I have gone out of my way not to preach a “social agenda” while I do it. My interracial relationship is not for everyone’s consumption and consideration — meaning I don’t seek recognition or notoriety. My focus is her happiness. A Black woman does not have to feel negatively towards Black men to bring me comfort or security. I don’t really care what she feels about Black men… or White men. Let me be your first… and your last. ♥ At the end of the day, Black women will never get that “nod” from Black men as they date outside their race… so why is gaining that approval so necessary? Is your desire to be validated by other Black men more important than exploring your own happiness? this is all any black woman needs to know. Why? because a white man; is a man first; and he expresses the fact that he loves a black women. A white man loving a black woman's natural hair, my skin tone, open up a relationship that explores the fact that I May have a strong personality. But yet he embrace her personality and he embrace the black women with his arms. what happens next ; the white man gets to know the black woman for: the woman she is ; and he gets to see and explore and know the beautiful woman she will become. How: by not running away, he focus on her happiness. because, he knows she will make him happy also, he want's to be her first… and her last. love ♥ and he gets it.

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  7.   jod212 says:
    Posted: 06 Oct 13

    Its been interesting that ever since President Obama has been in office, the gloves have come off and all the White, Asian and anyother ethnic group has declared "Black people" especially Black women good enough to "date" without too much stigma or social backlash. America is an interesting place. Because of our long and brutal history of slavery, social barriors regarding our acceptability seem to pour out in every direction both positive and negative. Black men and women seem to be at each other's throat's over the acceptable nature of the dating "out of race" choices we make. Everyone has an opinion (even me) about ththe reasons for those selected and if the match will last. I think you can and will get the creepy types on any dating site. Consider that OTHER, mainstream site where stakers and murder's have trolled for their victim's. I've even gotten two odd-balls from this site, though I will remain silent as to who they were because it was not to the point where I felt real danger. The bottom line is, most of us are looking for happiness, connection and human companionship. What ever we find interesting and attractive in that other person which keeps us coming back for more is all that should matter in the long run. The rest is nonsence and just remember, other ethnic groups have off color remarks to say when "their women" seek out men of differing ethnic group's as well (ask a White woman dating an Asian man). African American women who date and/or marry African men (continential) don't have the issues of men who don't or can't "deal" with the strong female personality, as we in the USA understand and experience that here. There may be other issues of cultural misunderstanding, for example. I caution AA women to not paint all men with the same broad brush stroke. Keep in mind we are a product of our social, cultural and emotional upbringing and enjoy the journey.

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  8.   Hon3yspice says:
    Posted: 05 Oct 13

    If it's truly going to help single black women find love then I am all for it.

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  9.   Let_It_Swirl says:
    Posted: 03 Oct 13

    As someone who has dated Black women exclusively for 20 years... I have gone out of my way not to preach a "social agenda" while I do it. My interracial relationship is not for everyone's consumption and consideration — meaning I don't seek recognition or notoriety. My focus is her happiness. A Black woman does not have to feel negatively towards Black men to bring me comfort or security. I don't really care what she feels about Black men... or White men. Let me be your first... and your last. ♥ At the end of the day, Black women will never get that "nod" from Black men as they date outside their race... so why is gaining that approval so necessary? Is your desire to be validated by other Black men more important than exploring your own happiness?

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  10.   DJD2013 says:
    Posted: 01 Oct 13

    I hope to be one of the first members on this new site and for every bashing black man with strong angst against it I'm sure I can find 1-2 non-black women they've had relations with but we will not go down that road. Though I am not categorizing all black men together, they've long had a serious hang up about independent, strong and financially well off black women. Why is there an issue? Because if we're not asking you (bm) to pay our bills and help us with this and that, then you have no clue what it takes to build a real and true and committed relationship. Another reason why BM have issue with this new upcoming site is they are under the very wrong assumption that we have no clue and would rather be with the "slave master". Black women are not stuck. It's these men who are so outspoken about our constant advancement and non-advised choices. I laugh as I say this next part-" The Negro Advancement" in the world is not just for black men. Let them hate on this site and all other interracial sites that doesn't put them first as Ego King Emporer of all black women. As I stated before, this is not addressed to all black men. But for you black men with issue, just know, we black women do look for A GREAT DEAL more from a man than a big d**k and a good stroke (which all of you DO NOT have). What's between your ears is the LARGE FACTOR we want, need, desire and crave. There is more to living in this world than being with someone of your own skin tone. If you can't get past skin color you'll never escape your little closed up, close minded box of reality.

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    • arlandf says:
      Posted: 03 Oct 13

      There you go accusing black men for the comments made on that site. It was not only black men, but also black women and people of other races, who are most likely trolls. Yeah, I said people of other races because many of them have the same sentiments about black women. Don't think men of other races love you, because many of them don't.Second, black men don't have hang ups about "independent" and "financially well off" black women. Thing is that black women get these positions that really isn't glorious and they think they are Oprah. Also, they like to be in control of the relationship and a black man with means don't want to deal with In addition, when a black man goes out with you, he decides to go dutch because many of you claim that you have your own so he just tell you to put your money where your mouth is. As for those comments, my thing is that people are just miserable. Even though I do go hard on this page, I do want black women to find love with whoever makes them happy. It is double edge sword because there are black women that are salt of the earth, then you have the hoodrats and feminists that are their voice and black women need to distance themselves from them. There is a reason why they can't get a man.

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      • DJD2013 says:
        Posted: 05 Oct 13

        @arlandf- There I go being truthful. There I go being honest. There I go in speaking from the real world reality of what I've lived in, been around and experienced. There I go being a black woman with her own opinion, open mind, self confidence and strength. Caring about the percentage of men of any race loving me as a black woman is unimportant. I'm not running for office or looking to score high in some unknown competition. Here I am letting you know and more than likely reminding you that black women of today no longer easily fold like cards or fall like dominoes when such words of negativity and yet, supposed understanding are spoken by black men. We will walk around you or over you but we will never run from you or your sentiments nor back down. We black female folk keep moving forward (that's why we'll always be a hell of a lot stronger).

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