Online dating: A few extra pounds

Posted by Ria, 05 May 09

Deciding how to list your body type on online dating sites can sometimes be a problem. Take an example of a woman who is about 5’3”, who is an hourglass size 10. How should she list herself? She is neither slim nor obese and definitely not athletic. So I guess what such a person is left with is “a few extra pounds”.

Now here is the problem with checking the “a few extra pounds” box: Much as it may seem like an honest description, most guys I have talked to about online dating told me in my face that they rarely (or would never) contact a woman in the few-extra-pounds class coz the few they have met offline seem to be much heavier than the "few extra pounds" they claim to be.

I remember once posting my profile with that listing for my body type and all I got was a lot of guys viewing my profile but very few making contact. And after talking to these guys, I couldn’t help but wonder if listing myself as being “a few extra pounds” was the reason.

Does this mean that men don’t write to or contact curvy women on the internet. Is it in anyone’s best interests to tell the truth if 95% of the potential mates are going to dismiss you for doing so?

48 responses to "Online dating: A few extra pounds"

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  1.   gjones66216 says:
    Posted: 14 Jul 10

    Too funny. I am a few extra pounds and I am athletic. I put 'a few extra pounds' but show a picture of my entire frame so that the person gets as much disclosure as I can give. Curvy and voluptuous are relatively the same. They can be a few extra pounds, too. Average, in today's standard, is about a size 12. That's statistical and really isn't descriptive. My recommendation? Put the body shot in there. The disappointment in person when a person feels like he/she cannot be attracted to you because of your size/shape is far more hurtful. We are on a dating site in part because we don't have the time for the endless meeting games in bars, church or the grocery store. We definitely don't have the time to plan a date and be turned off in the first 3 minutes. And yeah, those pictures should be relatively current or feel free to tell more, like 'that one was taken when I was 30 pounds heavier'. How many times have I (and you) been on dates where the person didn't look much like their picture. Isn't that a turn off?

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  2.   Bellara says:
    Posted: 26 Apr 10

    lmao firsttime its always important to use the about me section to describe yourself in YOUR OWN words. sometimes, the options they give on the site will not apply to you or suit you so personal description is the keyword. there are chubbychasers, skinnychasers all over the net, man there are even midg chasers so different people are attracted to different body type if you are knocking on the doors of obesity but describe yourself as "curvy" or average or few extra lbs, then be prepared for rumble because when u meet the person in real life, they'll either walk away, laugh at you or just treat you coldly the entire date. so you might as well portray yourself as "who you really are". if a man ever describes himself as buff athletic or something like tht but turns out to be otherwise, am gonna leave him there alone like a fool and walk away because i want to meet the exact same person i saw in the pics!

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  3.   DIVABROWN80 says:
    Posted: 25 Apr 10

    Perception is relative. I am a big woman 5"9 and will just say i shop at Lane Bryant but there is a full length pic on my profile and it i make it clear what i am. I am a work in progress so if someone can not deal, then on to the next.

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  4.   firsttime1 says:
    Posted: 28 Feb 10

    I think its best to put OTHER i have seen quite a few men on here describe themselves as ATHLETIC ...only to see pics of their bird like skinny chest *Giggles*

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  5.   Snazzybella says:
    Posted: 05 Jan 10

    Personally the honesty needs to start within yourself. If you are FAT, choose Large. If you got a big booty and big thighs that jiggle, choose a Few extra pounds. And YESSS speaking as a black woman a HUGE booty does mean a few extra pounds u carrying, the difference is its not going anywhere. As a health and wellness coordinator, I am beyond tired of black woman using their big butts and thighs as an excuse not to be as fit and healthy as they can be. Eating right and exercising is not about trying to lose your ROUND behind and thighs but being in the best health you can be. I wont bother putting my size or weight on this post because its beyond irrevelant. I will say I am healthy, I eat right, and exercise regularly and that is only a part of what makes me attractive to others.

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  6.   sweepotato says:
    Posted: 25 Nov 09

    Well, 30 pounds isn't a few extra...

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  7.   Enigma64 says:
    Posted: 26 Aug 09

    I agree with BrownGirlLDN. It's all subjective and depends on what a person's interpretation of a few xtra pounds, and large is. Frankly, if you are looking for a beanpole, most likely, you aren't looking for a sista, because the vast majority of us have got booty and thighs which could be quantified as more than a few extra pounds depending on one's perspective. Even Latina chicks got the booty like that. A large majority of us are called "thick" within black culture, so if we were to compare that to the media projected, white culture image, we'd all be considered fat, simply because we have an azz. However, a little common sense would prevail too. There are only just so many people with that super high metabolism that are stick figures and will always be so. If you are dealing with a women in an age range that have most likely either been married before, or at least to have had children already, it is foolish not to expect her to have a few xtra pounds, considering age and motherhood.

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  8.   newgirl1 says:
    Posted: 24 Aug 09

    I agree with you boomboomdog, being truthful yields poor results. I am not saying lie, no not at all. Post recent pictures of yourself and let the person viewing you be the judge of if you are attractive to them or not. I myself am a heavy woman, I have big thighs, and always have had them. I don't know who I inherited them from. I'm not very photogenic so I posted the best picture I liked of myself. Do guys read my profile to find out what I'm about, I don't think they get pass the picture. Truth of the matter is more men are attracted to small and average women than big women. I think it takes someone my size longer to catch a man's eye and attention.

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  9.   boomboomdog says:
    Posted: 31 Jul 09

    I can testify from the guys POV that being truthful yields poor results. I list myself as a few extra pounds, I have a full length body shot in my profile. After 3 weeks....2 responses, 10 views, thats it? 10 views? I can't get my profile read, thats where the personality really comes out and its not even being considered because I would wager that I am not showing up in many searches. BTW, one of the responses was a scammer from Ghana with no photo. So whatever is meant to be shall be right? Maybe the online thing is not my route to take.

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  10.   aliekatt2 says:
    Posted: 13 Jul 09

    This is hilarious to me. Here's that antiquated stereotype again lol. Once again, its "Ladies, please put up a full length pic." But as I traversed within this site, I've noticed very few, if any men who put up an actual "Full length shot" of themselves. I have a few extra pounds, 15 to be exact. I am 5'6' 1/2' and I weigh 160lbs. My BMI is 125 to 145. I was 118 lbs 4 years ago, and I looked like a crack head, and my friends thought I was sick, so I went up to a 5-6, then a sz7. Stayed there till last year when I had drama in my life. Ima a sz9 now. But I am not ashamed of my body. Weight for women is not the same as men, metabolism is completely different, not to mention that a woman's body is naturally geared to store more fat, for the simple fact that women give birth and men do not. Not to mention, who wants to spend hours a week in the gym, when you can be hanging wit friends and fam, or clever students you want to mentor. Cud I lose the 15lbs, of course I could, but I'm lazy and haven't( but I'm getting a new tat, so I might hee-tee). But my point is this, if we're being honest, then men play along as well. Cuz I can't see your bald spot, or the come-over at the top from a frontal pic, and I can't see your pot belly from a frontal pic either, or the missing teeth if you don't smile. And looks fade no matter who you are when age sets in.

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  11. Posted: 05 Jul 09

    Whurr, I agree with you one hundred percent! Skinny women are no fun to cuddle, and they look mal-nourished to me. I'll choose the model that's built for comfort over the one built for speed any day! Phisigstar, I'm wondering what you mean by "I find itn interesting to be perfectly honest." Unlike most women, you do not want a man who is honest. Interesting! Since you don't know what is classified as "a few extra pounds", I'll explain it: a few extra pounds, like maybe ten to thirty. Two hundred extra pounds, like Co Co Latte encountered, is NOT by any stretch of the imagination "a few" extra pounds; he is a liar. I'm about twenty pounds overweight (and working to reduce that), so I classify myself as "a few extra pounds" because I am an honest man. Too bad you would rather have a man 30 pounds overweight but who classifies himself as "average". But that's OK; honest men are in short supply but high demand by women, so I don't have time for you anyway. And they say men are shallow!

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  12.   Onelove10 says:
    Posted: 04 Jul 09

    This has been an interesting post. I too have identified my body type as "average" because I believe it's an accurate assessment of myself. I ask the question, if I were to see you walking down the street, would my first impression be about your size or how good you look? I'm a curvy size 12, which is far from obese. However, once I begin talking to a man, I'll ask if they have a preference for thin figures because that I am not. I make it clear that I'm curvy, maybe to some a few extra pounds. But when I think of a few extra in men, I do think fat guy. Pictures can be difficult because how do you tell the difference between a 10 and a 12 or even a 14? So in the end, a man has to be able to look beyond your outer beauty to see who you are inside. But the package has to at least pique his interest.

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  13.   theoldawg60 says:
    Posted: 26 Jun 09

    ppl.should be upfront and honest.About their size,myself i am a big man.Women look and think OMG and it turns em off.Oh well their loss.Women do not know really what is on the inside of a man,they just look at the out side.That is my 2 cents.

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  14.   phisigstar says:
    Posted: 21 Jun 09

    I find itn interesting to be perfecttly honest... I don't know what is classifed for a few extra pounds but to be honest.. I won't write a guy if I see that.... so I think the stigma is very true. I feel those who are not obese should choose "average"

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  15.   Co_Co_Latte says:
    Posted: 13 Jun 09

    Sometime in 2000 I communicated with someone on another online dating site who posted a picture purportedly of himself in a suit. Attractive, masculine, in very good shape. I sent him a full length photo of myself which was recent at the time. We eventually met at a jazz club in Brooklyn. The person who came in the door weighed about 200 pounds more than the photo he'd posted. I never mentioned the major deception. He dominated the evening talking about his ex-girlfriend. We have no idea whether or not the pictures that people post are recent or not or even the real person. I sent someone a full photo of me on this site and all he had to say was "how come your breasts look bigger in your headshot photo than in the one you just sent me." Really. My body size is listed as a few extra pounds because I'm in transition as I work out to lose those pounds and I say so in my profile. This has not deterred interested people from contacting me. The hits slowed to a mere trickle, though, when I updated my profile to eliminate the men just looking for a quick piece. I continue to have faith that an authentic man truly looking for a mutually compatible someone to communicate with will find me. Whether it is here or out in the world is entirely up to God, along with me working my faith of course!

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  16.   hazelpride says:
    Posted: 11 Jun 09

    I definitely agree that posting a current picture is the best option removes the doubts. What most people do not realise is that having a certain body type does not guarantee much. It's sad that this is the world we live in now, where appearance matters above everything else. From my exeprience though, having the right body type is not full proof. It is just one creteria, then more follows, like are you dark or light shade colour.

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  17.   marymac78 says:
    Posted: 10 Jun 09

    I agree with the previous posts, providing a current picture is the best option. I use curvy to describe myself because i feel that describes my shape at least by my definition. 9 years ago I was plus size / obese at 309 pounds and a size 26. I dropped down to 135 and a size 6 (I am almost 5'9"). I was very slim and in my opinion I looked like a bobble head doll. I currently wear a size 12 and I am comfortable with myself. I love my 38-28-40 measurements. I do not want a man that has expectations for me to be a size six again, and i work out to never be a size 26 again. The whole online dating forum is based on attraction initially. We all know that. I do not like creating false expectations so I keep it real with the pictures and I always send a spur of the moment new one to any guy i might want to date and I ask the same in return that way we can get past the nervousness about physical appearance and work on getting to know each other better. After all, that IS what a relationship is based on, Right?

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  18.   whurr says:
    Posted: 07 Jun 09

    'A few extra pounds' means that you are a woman. I don't want a waif. I don't want the same thing that I was searching for in high school. That whole thin chick thing was 20 yrs ago, to be in that frame of mind at my age is sort of creepy. I want someone with a little extra weight from some good living which then can be used for some good loving and stretch marks optional from popping out a kid or two. If those two scenarios are not you , then you got way too much free time. A dude with a six-pack set of abs with kids not living at home = A dude who spends 2 hrs in gym daily instead of 2 hrs on the phone doing hoemwork with his kids. I'm the dude on the phone, not the dude in the gym. All real women need apply please!

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  19.   Girlstar7 says:
    Posted: 07 Jun 09

    When I posted my profile on this site I always wanted to be honest with the viewer, why lie. I labeled my body a few extra pounds-but not fat in any way. If I was fat am I still not a women who does not deserve just as much respect and love as a thin women?.Men can be so very shallow, and women more than likly will accept a man with physical flaws. I have had 2 children and it is not as easy as one thinks to go back to my size 7 as I use to be a couple of years agobefore I had my toddler son.I choose for no other reason but, a personal reason to tone down my weight. Not for love, a man or family.I want to be more healthy than I am and I'm really in good health as far as heart, lungs etc..If a man bases your worth on the physical and not the internal than he is not worth the time of day!. Some one will love you big, short, fat, thin or or tall.As long as your heart is good and in the right direction God will bless you beyond your wildest dreams... just believe.

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  20. Posted: 29 May 09

    You know I feel this is such over rated for our fellow "Males" If they would just stop and look at the great possiblities of a "few extra pounds" could do for him, besides look pretty.He would be the most sucessful guy in all areas of his life. This is why I don't think the "male" really have no clue what they really want. I have average on my profile and totally honest about my average, and I still get the question how big is your bottom? or do you have thick thighs? And when you read their profile it's about asking for a "Real Woman". Then the nerve to say size isn't a issue, yeah right... It's always a issue.I guess it's true what the saying is about men is true they're more "visual" then "conscious".

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  21.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 28 May 09

    Good one BrownGirl. Different gravy indeed. As you say, it is all very subjective. For example a woman with a rugby player physique would do nothing for me at all. Although I suppose with a winning personality and a BMW Mustang... By the way, as you can see from my earlier post (6 May 2009) the body type descriptors here are not likely to be used by this male. BrownGirl! You've got that look in your eyes. Ruggers on the brain again? Thought so.

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  22. Posted: 27 May 09

    I think this is always going to be subjective. One person's curvy is another person's obese. Same meat, different gravy. Part of the problem might be that there is no accommodation for shape in the descriptors on this site so it relies on the person advertising to either include a proper set of recent pictures or for them to be overly descriptive. Also, I find that the body type descriptors are those far more likely to be used by a male rather than a female. Me personally, I prefer guys with a kind of rugby player physique. Large muscular thighs and arms... Mmmm.... what was I talking about? Oh yea, put up a picture and try not to be so judgy. It's all subjective xx

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  23.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 22 May 09

    Truth is the best policy! It protects both parties adn it save alot of time. Like others have said, it's best to include full body shot photos and let people see the real you. We all have different perceptions on what a few extra pounds is or what athletic is, for example a sprinter's body type is athletic but so is a power lifter or a summo wrestler, they're all athletes? LOL! I know I'm pushing it! When you present the real you the person that views you can see and decide for themselves if your body type is a turn-on or a turn-off! You don't want the stress of worrying what will they think when we meet face to face, so by showing the real you you know you've been ral with the other person and if they contact you and arrange a date chances are they like what they see and the interest is there. IMO the right attitude and self confidence is trully sexy!

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  24. Posted: 21 May 09

    Just be as honest as you can. In traditional dating you want to wait awhile before full disclosure because of the limited time and options you have. In on-line dating you have many many times the number of people considering you as a mate. It is actually better to eliminate folks that may not like some feature about you so you can concentrate your efforts on folks that like you just like you are. So post a picture and let the chips fall where they may. Good Luck!

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  25.   homesteader says:
    Posted: 20 May 09

    Enjoy , Love has totally no color or size / it is how one makes another feel . Pretty Hot and Tempting is what one shows in the Desire they have to make their date / mate Happy . Compare these options as to the box that states - sex - and the only choices wood be , Male or Female and as an Adult with freedom of Choice ,You write in your vote for [ Occasionally ] as an Honest man , My comment will be Moderated by one with her own Discression . The Question being is Her opinion any different from Mine . Well , I no longer am Alone / is She ? Hehe . Censorship happens everyday on this blog's topics

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  26.   Jazie says:
    Posted: 19 May 09

    All great comments however I would tend agree most with Sincere69. Regardless of your body type why shouldn't we all just consider ourselves PHAT! Self love is ultimately what's most important and you must start by being honest with yourself. So, I ask the question...why set yourself up for disappointment? We are all on display for others to view and why lie about it? I love exactly who I am...a "few extra pounds" and all. If your profile is over looked because someone can't get passed a "few extra pounds" then really that person isn't for you. Basically honesty is always the best policy!

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  27. Posted: 17 May 09

    Wonderful comments, HoneyKissed and Blissful, you have summed it neatly: Make the best choice of body types from the available options and show a complete set of pictures. People who are genuinely interested will completely and carefully read your profile and look at your pictures because they want to really get to know you and are deeply interested in the way you present yourself. While understanding that people's perceptions of what a few extra pounds are may differ, I think there is consensus and many of the problems are due to self-deception and dishonesty. A few extra pounds is not dozens of extra pounds. With very few exceptions, I have found that "Find out later" is what the person thinks is the least desirable choice. Not being forthright about this is reason for me to not choose her, unless she has full pics but that's rarely the case. I think showing your body's basic shape is very important in simply finding a mate you're attracted to. Hoping to ensnare someone who wants a mate with a body greatly different than yours by not clearly showing them what you look like is just setting yourself up for an embarrassing letdown in person. It wastes time and emotional energy and is living a lie - That's why it's so uncomfortable. I am quite open to women who describe themselves as curvy and with a few extra pounds - I'd much rather have that than too thin and if they're in the right places - Woof! That said, women who are fat, describing themselves as curvy or with a few extra pounds aren't being honest. They are setting themselves up for failure in dating in three ways: People who are looking for the body type they advertise won't like them because (Guess what?) They don't have that body type. People who are looking for the body type they have will miss them because they are advertising in the wrong search category. They are advertising their unhappiness and lack of acceptance of themselves. An interesting tidbit: People tend to have body shapes similar to those they care for. It's a way to reduce stress in relationships, so there's not the constant argument of telling someone to get in shape when that's a hopeless cause. Getting a group of overweight people into a room does not, however, mean they suddenly have normal body weights. I therefore completely reject the notion that 30 pounds overweight is normal. That's called denial. If people want to have a body shape and size they don't have, there's the tried and true formula: Calories in = calories out. There are a number of holistic, medically-supervised methods of safely and permanently losing large amounts of weight, as well - Some are quite affordable and many are completely covered by health care insurance. There's the added benefit of helping to reduce global warming by lowering greenhouse gasses and (cow, pig, chicken, etc.) flatulence is a major contributor: Don't just save yourself, save our planet!

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  28. Posted: 14 May 09

    I believe that some people are very visual what their eyes see either satisfies them or don't. The men in my country prefer women who are curvier. I am curvy but I am not average neither do I fall into the catergory of a few extra pounds but I am okay with that but for those men who seek perfection I hope they themselves are perfect In the end the old adage to each his own will definitely prevail.

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  29.   sincere69 says:
    Posted: 12 May 09

    Just call yourself PHAT no matter what your weight is.

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  30.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 11 May 09

    Great comments from you, Honey-Kissed, per usual. We humans are attracted to one another by our various senses. I may hear a woman sing and her voice gives me chills. If she turns out to be a bigot, that voice is only going to go so far. Likewise the scent of a woman in an intoxicating perfume will not long mask the fact that she hasn't bathed this century. If I post Photoshopped photos or ones from my 20s and lie through my teeth about who and what I am, y'all are gonna catch on eventually, if only offline. If I was here to play, that might be satisfying for a time. I'm not, so I don't. Semper caveat emptor I guess, but in my case at least, what you see, and read, is what you get.

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  31.   Calla_Lilla says:
    Posted: 11 May 09

    That was well said HoneyKissed!!!

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  32. Posted: 10 May 09

    In addition, for us black woman especially. It would be their loss if they didn't get to know you. They'd miss out on how you fill out a great pair of jeans, how you walk in a great pair of heels and how your smile and laugh draws every eye in the room to you. Be content in yourself, the right one will follow. Enjoy the beautiful you :)

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  33. Posted: 10 May 09

    Thank you fkoi! Moreover, I don't necessarily like that my body is what attracts me to a guy but I'm guilty of that as well. Attraction starts somewhere. Looks, conversation, accents, laughter. SOMETHING had to pique your interest. And what one finds attractive another may not. If I was in a bar, what do you think would make me go over to a guy and start talking to him? It's not his personality because I never heard him speak. And I'm definitely not the type to wait for someone to approach me. But if his personality doesn't suit me then being a cute guy isn't going to cut it. They immediately become undesirable to me. And I'm a greedy person. I want it all, attraction included. Hell...if I had a great friend that I wouldn't normal date and we ended up being perfect together, you'd better believe that something started to look real attractive to me. How else am I gonna lust after someone? And I don't get upset about using photos. After all, this is an on-line forum. We have pictures and we have words. Its the starting point, the stepping stone to finding a great person. Words are a portrait of someone. It may or may not be real. You don't know if you'll "click" until you start talking. Pictures are a segway. If I'm stimulated, I talk. This is how on-line dating is supposed to work (in my opinion) otherwise we should be using phone dating or to simplify it further, keep our dating to face to face contact, do away with on-line dating altogether. I don't believe that someone's body type will KEEP your interest once you do start "talking" but how else is it supposed to start if someone isn't intially attracted to you. People are visual people and if that bothers some, then this on-line forum is not for you. I know what is physically appealing to me and what would keep my interest and its not all about the looks either. But it is definitely something physically appealling, and again, with this forum, all I have are pictures and words to start from. It is what it is. Again, it's about preferences. I'm not mad if others don't find me attractive, and because we don't "see" the other person, descriptions will have to suffice. So make the best of your description and market yourself well.

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  34.   almondjoy says:
    Posted: 09 May 09

    If you put "a few extra pounds" people will assume that you're fat, but if you put clothing sizes, not everyone knows what that represents. You can be athletic and curvy IMO. I would say Kim Kardashian is athletic yet curvy. You can see definite muscle tone, but she has a curvier butt. Guess it really is subject to visual interpretation.

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  35. Posted: 09 May 09

    After reading spirit773 comment all I can say is "Right On" my sister.

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  36.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 08 May 09

    I think HoneyKissed6's post helped illustrate the problem with choosing from a finite set of "Body Type" options. She clearly defined what three of those options mean to her. If you agree with those definitions then you have reached consensus with her. If you don't agree with how she has defined those options then y'all are speaking different languages and calling the same thing by different names. The perfect behind to one is a pin bottom to another. Athletic to me may be anemic to you. Of course I am here to make friends and hopefully find love, not cast a commercial. If I limit myself to only those with "A Few Extra Pounds" or who might fit into "Other", I could be closing the door on a woman who may be perfect for me in every other way. And that would be a shame.

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  37.   spirit773 says:
    Posted: 08 May 09

    I apologise now if i sound irriated in this discussion but this thing about size is one of my pet peeves.For years i have put up with people making assumptions about my parenting because my daughter doesn't have the ever- popular waif look. I have listened and argued back as people made unkind assumptions about her...i.e she eats 24/7 and she eats junk constantly.Not true. I'm the short 'slim' mum with tall & curvy daughter. Thats the way i'm made and thats the way she'd made .I know that makes things tough for her sometimes because there's always some fool ready to make an insensitive comment. I will always defend her right to just be.She knows that as long as she's healthy thats okay with me. My late father was Nigerian (Ibo)and for him and many others of African origin like him to provide food was not only to give nourishment, it was/is to give love and show that you are a successful provider for your family.'Thin'& 'skinny' were not in his vocabulary.In fact,once when my mother (who can cook up a feast at the best of times) mentioned to my dad that maybe my brother was getting a little big. My fathers truly African response .. 'And what am i working for ?' End of conversation.My brother was and still is built like a mountain.That was my fathers pride . You can provide all the(full body) pictures you want but why should you give in to someone who thinks that they can judge the content of your character by sight alone? If we add to that the profiles who tell people not to get in touch if they're not attractive ...please somebody tell me when all this nonsense will stop ? I have nothing to hide about my size but if thats all you're going to judge me on.. thank goodness you kept walking, we have nothing in common.

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  38.   blissful. says:
    Posted: 08 May 09

    Good topic to post. As mentioned above, I think posting a full-body picture of yourself would eliminate any questions or discrepancies regarding those "few extra pounds" or what have you.

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  39. Posted: 08 May 09

    I agree with GuGrad. I have been in the chatroom and men laugh and are dying to talk then I show them a full body pic and they did not have the decency to say, this isn;t a good fit. Thank god the man in my life loves every inch of my curvy, soft, round body. I work out every day and I wear the latest fashion and I am classy. I'm okay and I am glad I found a real man who loves me for me, not what society saids I am suppose to be. I'm black, I'm full, I'm curvy and I am me....deal with it..(smiles)

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  40.   gugrad says:
    Posted: 08 May 09

    It would be funny if it wasn't so sad that there are men who are one reese's Pieces from being obese turn their noses up at a woman who is beyond that perfect 12. Some people want perfection and they are far from it themselves.

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  41.   starthai says:
    Posted: 07 May 09

    Kristent I agree, posting a picture is probably the best way to go.

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  42.   girlsixdiva says:
    Posted: 07 May 09

    I agree with kristen; it's usually the men who say they are "athletic" when they are really nowhere near that.

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  43.   spirit773 says:
    Posted: 06 May 09

    The body fascism promoted by the mass media is despicable. Speaking as the mother of a very curvy, beautiful daughter who will never be a size zero (size dead) in a million years i get really angry at the perpuation of the ideal body=thin myth.I really do belive that it is man-made and woman-maintained. For far too long so many women have bought into this fantasy and look what it's doing to our daughters.. magazines full of grown should-know-better women who want to have the body of a 12 year old.At the beginning of the year when i was back in the UK i watched Americas Next Top Model and to my utter amazement a girl who was a size 12 (UK) was paraded in front of the judging panel as the 'plus-size' model. Since when has size 12 been plus size ? Men shouldn't kid themselves either.They are just as much victims as women are . Look in GQ or any mens magazine what do you see 20 year old boys with six-packs either that or they are so thin that you'd be safer taking them to Accident & Emergency department rather than your bedroom. I am not advocating not taking care of yourself but,we have surely lost the plot when Hollywood and Vogue decide what perfection and indeed beauty are for us. So, if you are 'curvy' or 'carrying a few pounds' .. you are fabulous baby and i know that you are beautiful inside and out.Now if some jackass has the temerity to call you 'fat' you have my blessing to tell them: 'Normally i would be far too much of a lady/gentleman to tell you to f**k off but in your case i will make an exception.'

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  44. Posted: 06 May 09

    Definitely, a touchy subject. I believe the 'a few extra pounds' category is misleading. My idea of a few extra pounds for a woman is someone with hips and rear, definitely not athletic but not obese. For men, not a decidely athletic appearance but height-weight proportioned. Others may view it with horror because you may not be able to bounce a quarter off their skin. I prefer the term 'average'. It is representative of most people who are not modelesque but not sloppy. I would like to use the term 'curvy' but find that many people don't respond to that assessment (although its what they are actually describing as beautiful !). 'Average' also gets the viewer into the mindset of relaxation because they can conjure up their idea of what 'average' would like on you once they compare height and weight. I believe it subconsciously invokes that awareness that you are not super-toned, not sloppy - just right for them. Sort of like the "Three Little Bears" analogy. I've shied away from using 'a few extra pounds' because I'm 'average' for a black woman. My weight is considered mid-weight to some and skinny to others. Depends on who's doing the assessing. Since I've taking to describing myself as 'average' I've noticed on-line what I've noticed off-line and that's geniune interest for my looks. Again, all about marketing yourself without lying about yourself.

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  45.   fkoi says:
    Posted: 06 May 09

    If we could all fit into radio button descriptions it would sure be a boring world. Take this site for instance. There are seven choices for "Body Type". One is "Disabled", an offensive term that covers a lot of ground and therefore none at all. One is "Other" with no capability to describe what that "Other" might be. And then there's the ever popular "Find Out Later" which can be a useful choice for many of the description questions in our profile. Apparently. That leaves four (67%) usable choices but how usable are they? First comes "Slim/Slender". If you are built like Kate Moss, you are left out of this category. "A Few Extra Pounds" is probably 90% of the Western world. Is that five or is it 50? What's few? What's extra? You tell me. "Average"? Well that could mean somewhere between "Slim" and "Heavy". Or it could mean that you are part of the 80% of America that is overweight. "Athletic" like Serena Williams? Or like 6-6, (at least) 360lb., NFL O-lineman Mike Williams? Finally, there's "Heavy" perhaps the most useful choice but still coloured by false body image concerns. I think the way to go is to forget the buttons and post a few recent pictures of myself and let you decide if I fit into your "Like Him" category or not. So I have.

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  46.   charmyluv says:
    Posted: 06 May 09

    some men would not contact women with a few extra pound but they themself have extra pound, i know of one peronally. my opinion is not what you see in the magazines or in the moives in not in real life i see that first hand. at the same time you want some you attracted to because you cant make love to ones peronallity you have to be attracted to the person, thats whats one this i agree with

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  47.   BrownB09 says:
    Posted: 06 May 09

    First thing I want to say is, I think average should be looked at as being alot of people's size because the size of an average person nowadays is basically a few extra pounds (well,in my book) So when I think about a few extra pounds I think about size like 12-14 or a tall 16. Maybe some people feel otherwise. I have to agree with Kristent and say, put up a full body pic and let the person see if they like what they see!

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  48.   kristent says:
    Posted: 06 May 09

    On the flip side.... I see so many men who list their body type as "athletic" or "average" when they are decidedly in the "few extra pounds" category. I think its easier if you just post a picture and let the person decide for themselves whether or not they are attracted to your figure.

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