Being a size 18 in a size 8 world.
First…happy New Year to all. Leticia is back and I have a few things to get off my chest, stomach, thighs and where…back there too! Let me be very honest with you, I did not realize that this was as big a problem until I started to write about it. The truth is I was always this chunky cute little kid, (that is after I got back from Philadelphia for the summer…another long emotional story from my childhood, and an entirely different article). Now when I say chunky I wore a size 11, 12, 13 for as long as I remember. By no means was I the original Star Jones but I certainly was not her new bobble head skinny post-surgery twin either.
That brings us to now, today, 2008. I’m searching around the internet for dating overweight and damn!! It is rough for the big folks out there. Which strikes me funny because according to the CDC (Center for Disease Control), over 39.8 million American adults are overweight. Let me break it down ever further, over 57%, and in some studies, as much as 67% of U.S. adults are either overweight or obese. No wonder every time I turn on the TV there’s an ad for Jenny Craig or some miracle “fat be gone” pill.
There seems to be yet another double standard when it comes to the sexes. Men can have “love handles”, “extra cushion for the pushin”, or a “spare tire”. But, on a woman it’s just plain “FAT”. We see far more guys with “beer bellies” in a pair of swim trunks than we ever see a big girl in a bikini.
Right now, I want to talk about attitudes towards dating someone that is overweight. There isn’t a person on this site or any other that understands as I do; the importance of personal preference. I get it!! What I don’t get is how people can use their personal preference as an explanation or excuse for being mean, vain, stereotypical, or shallow when attempting to date on line.
Example; the other night I’m checking my email minding my own business and up pops the little message box…do you want to chat? Sure, why not? After no more than two lines of hey, you woman me man…he asks “so what are your measurements? Really, are you kidding me? Do you want to know my sign too? I get that my pic on my profile is very enigmatic, and it’s done on purpose. However, if you READ my profile you’ll see that I’m in a relationship and only here for friendships and (research).
Why then if you have READ my profile is it important to know what my measurements are. Or as MrSexyPerfectman with a fake model picture on his profile asked…”I mean are you big, fat, what?” I send him my picture. After another couple of minutes of him telling me how “hot” I am. I’ve already decided that this guy is a complete jerk and worthy of me “wasting a little quality time on. What then happens is that I allow him to get all “hot and bothered” because he didn’t take the time to READ my profile. I abruptly end the chat with… ‘Good luck finding what you’re looking for, bye!”
I really get that there are people that are looking for a physical relationship ONLY. Then there are those that want more than that, however, attraction is a major factor in every relationship. It’s even harder on the internet because initially you can’t be sure who or what you’re really getting. What disturbs me is the attitude. The “I dare you big fat person for trying to find someone; you’re wasting your and my time. No one cares that you’re smart, financially secure, well educated, committed and true…you are FAT!” Uggggghhh!
Now dare I step out and take a shot at being called sexist, but it’s mostly guys that do it. WHY is that? What, women don’t care who they date? Someone tell me please, how do you get your point across and explain your preference without demeaning someone in the process. Not that there hasn’t been times when I thought about changing my profile to read…ALL short, balding guys with a small penis and hasn’t read a book since high school…need not apply!
Oscar Wilde said, “No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly”. Leticia says, “Ugly is as ugly does…don’t do ugly you are far too beautiful for that”.
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i know somebody who has gained weight….me.
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Wow, I totally agree with what you said. However, I have noticed that there are some men who do like larger women. I think what bothers me most is, a lot of men on dating sites think if you are large, you only want sex. I have been told that women are bad about this too. I personally don’t care what a man looks like as long as he has a good heart. (Well, I don’t want him to have horns and a tail. haha) I have seen both sides of this issue. I had a best friend who would not dance with someone unless they were a great dancer. She would watch them dance and, if they met her “standards”, she would wait for them to ask her to dance. Sadly, this attitude caused her to be passed by several times, and she was a skinny blonde. I, on the other hand, would know these guys’s life stories and she would be jealous. I told her I wasn’t intimidating. I feel that we all (men and women) need a good lesson in how to accept peoples flaws. There is not one of us who is perfect. I was never fat until I got pregnant…several years ago. I lose, I gain. It’s a struggle. I empathize with you, girl. I really do.
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Fat an Overweight is unhealthy and not good .I suggest you put down the donuts ,cheetos,pizza and excercise .Walk run skip jump until you are slim and happy …Do you think it’s okay for your thighs to rub and you skin to jiggle and flab hanging from every angle .Stop courting a pity party and simply put less food in your mouth …….The reason you are venting is because you need validation in your wrong doing
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I would love to get down to a size 6 again, but I want to still keep a big butt and fairly big breasts, how do I do this? My target area is in my thighs. Ohh my legs are kind of huge and I can’t really get rid of them. Should I lift weights are is there a machine for this target area?
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You know, I am not as physically attractive as I want to be, but, I am atractive in the way thatis best to be. Mentally.
I never pretended to be Barbie. Genetics prohibits that. Broad shoulders, big butts and hips and thighs run rampid on both sides of the family. I mean, even men in my family have big butts!! Therefore, I learned early in life that I could use my best features, the one that no one could take away, manipulate or mangle. My personality and my persona. I have also learned that when you judge people by the way you look, you more than likely are missing out on the best relationship going.
Now, my profile states that I am a bbw. That is no secret. But, if you are crazy enough to pass me up because of it, then you miss out on one hell of a woman. Big doesn’t mean lazy, it just means that there is more to love pound for pound.
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I don’t think anyone has the right to judge another person’s size. It’s as bigoted as racism.
There are alot of reasons a person doesn’t “put down the donuts, cheetos and pizza”. Some medical, some psychological (stemming from hateful statements made in anger).
Women in particular who have a lot to overcome in life in general, should know that they are loved for who they are, not the fact that someone doesn’t see them as attractive.
What’s UNATTRACTIVE is an uneducated opinion, that is spouted in public as a truth! It’s hurtful, spiteful and small.
That’s MY “unattractive” opinion spouted as truth!
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I totally agree with you great article Leticia. I’m a BBW and I’ve personally decided when I place any profile to state that at the forefront, I was thinkin of going with “I beat anorexia”, but decided against that as some people might not appreciate my twisted sense of humour. I have found being straight up from the start that I have brought more responses from men who appreciate a woman with more to grab on to(smiles)The thing is at the end of the day, if people have issues with it its exactly that… their issue. The problem I have with meeting men though isnt that I’m a bigger woman, it’s that I’m confident and independant as well, and if I ever mention the fact that perhaps I would like to lose a few kilo’s then apparently thats a hole in my confidence…not that I would like to be more healthier.(??? go figure) In conclusion I know I’m beautiful, I know I have alot to offer(a real lot lol) so if your a strong, confident man and look like tyrese or taye diggs hit me up…I’m joking easy tigers lol
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I agree with some of the other comments here…people who are unhappy being over weight need to do something about it instead of complaining. Instead of complaining about it and go out and exercise and start eating healthy!
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I love this article. I’ve often thought the same thing.
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Yes, maybe being overweight IS “unhealthy”, but so is being an anorexic, alcoholic, or drug addict! Why can’t those skinny folks leave the bigger folks alone….keep their nasty comments to themselves? Really, it’s not their business……we need to stay out of other people’s bedrooms and off their scales…..I’m a size 12, and I LIKE being a size 12! I look good, I’m healthy, and feel much better than when I was a size 4…..
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Unfortunately…some people think the size of my waist will determine whether or not there is good in my heart…Oh well. Some battles are worth fighting and frankly I’m sick and tired of it all.
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you go girl Leticia. your article is spot on. Women with self-esteem shouldn’t even be bothered what men or any other person says about their shape or size. The only truth that matters is what we tell ourselves when we look into the mirror. If you truly love yourself and believe you are healthy and beautiful, then you are beautiful.
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Love yourself, but strive to be the best possible you
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I read through all of the posts above and the majority of the comments are on target. I have been all over the spectrum regarding weight and I must say that 7 months ago I started more physical activity for wt. loss. I personally wanted look better in my clothes and not develop the health conditions associated with being overweight. If you don’t like what you look like, work on it. If you like your size be it small or large, God bless and live a happy life. But for me, I wanted to make a change. I wanted to be physically active, and its been such a great stress reliever, something happens when push yourself physically to the next level, you hate when your doing it, but it feels so good once your done and completed the task. So remember that the “inner man” should be our guide not the external (man or environment). It just a challenge!
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i did not read the whole article because i already have an opinion about the way the majority of men view women and how those women let it affect them. i have NEVER been smaller than a size 10/12.. and i am not fat, in fact i am curvy.
yes it is harder finding men who like curvy women now becuase we are so ficated on “look” these days. and if us women do not look a certain way, there is an immediate dissmal.
i am guilty of that too but in a different way.. i do not like men who are extremely over weight. i do not like men that look like santa with skinny on top and bottom and a fat belly.
but some of that is, because to me they look like they do not care enough about their appearance and are sloppy. at the same time, i do not need a guy with a washboard stomach, or muscles or look like hurcules. to me, those men over due it. i want someone that is natural. where they do not look like they are all muscle or fat and sloppy.
today, we get carried away by it. women starving themself to look good on the camera or pictures and they look sickly instead.
so who is to blame for this crazy stuff?
we are, because if we do not feel good about ourselves, then nothing will make us happy.
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