Robin Thicke's take on Black women being urged to date White

Posted by Ria, 10 Jan

Black women dating whiteComing from a White man who has been married for six years to a Black woman, actress Paula Patton, the same Black woman he has known and been with since high school for 18 years, the advice I expected from soul singer Robin Thicke on the media telling Black women that they will be better off dating White, was a definite "YES!". Well much to my surprise, he thinks it’s ridiculous and doesn’t believe White men are the ideal 'plan B'!

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In his interview with Essence, Thicke had a lot of good things to say about Black men:

"… There are so many good Black men out there that are hardworking, decent, and handsome, you know? … There are great Black men out there. There are only a few good White men -- trust me. (Laughs) Good luck finding a good White man who understands your journey. I only have three White friends. I’ve got 20 Black male friends, who are all good men who take good care of their wives, and good care of their children. I know amazing Black men. Maybe the women have to take better care of their men. Maybe you’re being too stubborn. Maybe you’re not saying you’re sorry. You have to take good care of him, too. You have to give love to get love."

But having said all that, Thicke acknowledges that Black people … especially Black women go through a different experience in life. Having been with a black woman for such a long time one would think he knows everything about Black women. But even so, Paula still told him in the middle of an argument: "… no matter how hard you try, or how compassionate you are, you’ll never know what it’s like to be a Black woman." So he got up and wrote a song "I Don’t Know How It Feels to Be You," which is on his new album "Love and War," with the lyrics:

"I don’t know how it feels to be you, though I try my best to understand what you’re going through, I don’t know how it feels to be you. I can’t walk in your shoes. But, I’m trying baby. You know how much I love you."

Well, to be in an interracial relationship for this long and still have lots of good things to say about your woman… Now this is a white man who knows how to love and understands Black women! He is one of the few White men every Black woman looking to date interracially deserves!

250 responses to "Robin Thicke's take on Black women being urged to date White "

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  1. Posted: 08 Mar 12

    acuteblkguy does have a point, black is black and I know what it's like to be black and a female 4sure. First, I love being black and wouldn't change it for the world. Black Vs.Mixed have different struggles in life that are def. not the same. I have a mixed son and i'm dark-skinned. My son is going to have different issues/struggles than I did growing up. Although he will probably go through identity issues(I'll teach him to acknowledge both) and be judged like us all, I do believe it'll be a lot easier for him to be accepted than I was.

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  2. Posted: 08 Mar 12

    Well, citing the above comments, it's good to see the black community doesn't believe Obama is considered black either. Now if we could only get him to tell the truth on other things as well.

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    • Demetrilo says:
      Posted: 24 Apr 12

      As long as your son knows who he is as a human being and as a young prince of a man when he gets into society,that is all that matters.Because a "Queen" and hopefully,a "King" has raised him to be upright and just. :).

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  3.   balloons says:
    Posted: 07 Mar 12

    I am sure Ms. Paula Patton is mixed, but she is not what one would say is a black female". She stated she prefers to identify as a black female, however, it is hard to describe a female who appears to have multiple racial identities. She is the product of the melting pot here in america.

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  4.   acuteblkguy says:
    Posted: 29 Feb 12

    news flash his wife is not black, just because ur mixed with black doesnt make you black, it makes you mixed!! when you dont want to acknowledge the other side of you, then something is wrong there, the one drop racist azz rule needs to stop, blacks and whites need to recognize, whats black and whats mixed. so pretty much this article is pointless cause his wife is truly not black.

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    • maristaj says:
      Posted: 14 Mar 12

      I agree 100% man... I saw the picture above and could not find a "black girl"... Seems like nowadays, even if you have the slightest amount of Black ancestry, you're automatically labeled as Black... even if the other 90% is Dutch,Chinese, Russian, Italian, Bolivian, or whatever... If you have any Black ancestors, that's your label.. I'm not a fan of that

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      • Kittysweets says:
        Posted: 18 Mar 12

        Maristaj... it is not a nowaday issue.. this one drop rule was instated a long time ago by whites who did not want mixed people digging in their pots. Paula Patton discussed this many times on various talk shows that she defines herself as black because she feels she is treated as so. I can't tell her what to do but if I have interracial children I would want them to identity with me and their father. To just claim black is ridiculous. Paula does not know what it is like to be 100% black like me and I don't know what its like to be mixed like her, Halle Berry or Mariah Carey. I honestly think its a career decision to get roles. Halle B played this card successfully and Paula is too because they will never be casted as white women EVER.

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        • SXYBRWNSUGA says:
          Posted: 02 Jul 12

          KittySweets so you think you are 100% Black???? Did you get a DNA test that proved that???? There is no such thing as 100% black just so you know. But if Paula Patton chooses to identify herself as black who are you to say she's not. Why would you even care?

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    • LUCY101 says:
      Posted: 18 Mar 12

      It's always been that way... historically one drop of African blood - in America - makes you "black".. The difference weather you're "mixed" or straight cacasian or straight African ancestry (very unlikely as an American, unless you are from a 2nd or 3rd generation African immagrant family) -- "Black" "White" is more these days about your life experience and cultural identity. You have no idea of what Paula Patton is like as a person - to make the blanket statement that she isn't "black" because of how she looks simly shows your own racist issues.

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    • 26bunny26 says:
      Posted: 28 Mar 12

      Only thing black about that girl is her body. Plz don't argue that white girls have that type of body too cuz umma argue with ya. She's got these naturally toned arms no noonday and big ass. Thats the body of an African American and its natural form. I love robin thicker and wish i were patron, but i think he likes exotic women not black women. Most white men that say they like blk women go for the ones that look like beyonce's and Laurence London.

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    • Kiki_27 says:
      Posted: 24 Apr 12

      acuteblkguy, I definitely agree, I was thinking the same thing. Paula is a very pretty mixed woman, but she is still NOT black.

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    • shotgun007 says:
      Posted: 14 Jun 12

      Absolutely positively true. Couldn't agree more with you acuteblkguy!! So tired of "mixed/blended' race individuals being referred to as "black." Not sure why the "mixed" individuals are so gung ho on calling themselves black, but the minute you cross reference the heritage of both the mother and the father, they go into this entire rant about having 3 or 4 different ancestries, YET continue to battle others about calling themselves "black". For example, Not sure how you can claim that your father was irish & mexican, and your mother is black & latino! How does that equal = black? And not mult-racial?

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    • krickett45 says:
      Posted: 29 Jun 12

      Wow the racism here! All of us "black folks" in America are mixed! My Great Grandmothers one was Indian and the other was Mulatto. It is absolutely ridiculous your comments. Then I guess our President isn't Black either because he is mixed. Although my hair is very nappy I do not have the wide nose that is characteristic of Black girls as well as I was a size 00 when in high school so I guess I am not Black either since I didn't have the Black girl curves. What is sad is that no matter what her race she is identifying with the race most see her as which is exactly how our President identifies himself. Get over it! Black people have enough of a struggle without keeping these slave mentalities. We all have something else in us so get over it!

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    • SXYBRWNSUGA says:
      Posted: 02 Jul 12

      Who made you an authority as who is and who isn't black????????? If she considers herself to be so then that's what she is. You are dark but prove to me that you are 100% black your damn self. Being black just so you know is more than your complexion. My great grandfather was Irish but I still consider myself to be black.

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  5.   guitargreat says:
    Posted: 19 Feb 12

    The sadest part of reading all this garbage from you peanut heads is that, none of you seem to understand that, there are billions of people on earth who, end up with billions of others for, billions of reasons! STOP trying to figure out why people don't want you and, figure out who does and, who cares why! GROW UP! There is someone for everyone... Those who find no one are usually looking for things they don't deserve or, have nothing in common with and, refuse to admit it or change their ways to get what they desire! Black, White, seen it all...Colors should be sifted through when doing laundry and not relationships...

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    • cyrilg says:
      Posted: 29 Mar 12

      It is absolutely sad and pathetic for all of us American that we continue to react to racist garbage by coming up with excruciatingly reasonable arguments that are are essentially reactions and rationalizations of 400 years of garbage and racist rot. Find someone you love, marry them and be happy. Period.

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  6.   Reese says:
    Posted: 11 Feb 12

    Black women date who you want. Our obligation is to find your own happiness and stop worrying so much what bm are doing. We have more opportunities now to date outside. Just look fo a good man.

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  7.   Root58 says:
    Posted: 09 Feb 12

    My point is, in spite of all of the atrocities that black people have suffered at the hands of white people especially, but also at the hands of some Asians as well, we have still been our own worse enemy. Because we, as a people, have been turning our hurt and pain on each other, which brings about the cycle of more hurt and pain!! We need to try to help each other instead of hurting each other and bringing each other down!! Or we as a people will be responsible for our own demise! Black Americans have a tendency to listen to everyone, (especially white folks), except each other! That's why I always say to people whenever they try to get all up in my face, telling to tell me what I can and cannot do, when they don't have their crap together because of their own ignorance and fear, 'don't bring that mess here'!! I am at a point in my life where I do not care if people think that I am stuck up and they think that i act like I am better than they are or WHATEVER!!! Am I suppose to stoop to their level by acting like a damn fool and lose everything that I have worked hard for all of my life?! I do not think so!!

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  8.   ourside81 says:
    Posted: 07 Feb 12

    Some black people are so damn sensitive! I will break it down for you and reply to what EVERYONE has had to say in just three paragraphs :p. 1st it is no secret people of African decent have had a tough break in the last 500-600 years especially with the slave trade, however not EVERY BLACK PERSON ON EARTH had has this mistreatment. if you look at history all throughout Africa there have been great kingdoms that were well known for technology, advancement, and knowledge. Having said that black people are not the only people who have been slaves/mistreated. In most cases people who were enslaved either were ethnically similar or the same race as the en slaver's, so for that reason those people do not 'stick out' as much as an African slave (How did these black people get in Turkey!?) In fact the Arab and European slave trade included Indians (from India) eastern Europeans as well as Turks (Look up Mamluks) I believe that sometimes black people need to realize that we have a lot of issues. Stereotypes of missing fathers is a real issue as well as drugs, high crime ( most crimes committed by blacks warrant very long prison sentences hence the reason why so many are in jail for no long). Don't let anyone tell you that you're life is hard or cursed because you're black. Blacks have accepted a lower standard of life that people would have lost their minds about three generations ago. As far as interracial dating is concerned, this will change in time. There are whole races of people who are inner-ethnic (east and north Africans, most southeast and Central Asians etc) I will stop there but I will be here to debunk any attempts to suggest that interracial dating or the black experience is new or some kind of 'ploy'. I am saying all this as an African American btw. Have a good night everyone!

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    • Root58 says:
      Posted: 09 Feb 12

      But for the most part, slavery have usually been more humane in other cultures than in European cultures. So far, American slavery have been the most brutal. Also in most non-white cultures slavery was used as a form of punishment or to pay for a debt. And after that term was up, the convict or the debtor were set free. There was an original agreement between some of the Europeans and with some of the Africans regarding a part of the possession and property of the New World would be given to the Africans after they were released from indentured servitude. But in their greed, the early European Americans saw how much more profitable they were becoming with the African servants, because the Europeans servants, who were mostly criminals, resented being in servitude, and the indigenous people either committed suicide or they died because they couldn't handle the hard work. And the greedy Europeans saw how easily black people stood out because of their features and skin color, whereas, if an indigenous (Native American) person escaped, more than likely, you wont be able to find them, and white servants could very easily blend in somewhere else with the so-call majority and no one would be none the wiser.

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  9. Posted: 05 Feb 12

    The reality is, is black men have always wanted the forbidden fruit. History tells us that plenty of black men have been hanged because they have dared to even look at a white woman. Now, because society says it's alright to date interacially now, you see it everywhere. All over television and everywhere you go. Black men find every excuse in the book not to date black women. Black men criticize black women about everything. We are to bossy, we are gold-diggers,. We have an attitude. It is funny our black men should say this, because we (black women) have been there every step of the way. Supporting them through their battles, while fighting our own. We have been subjected to the same struggles they have, yet somehow they seem to have forgotten this. I know I am not being politically correct, but I am being honest. The truth is, there are highly educated, beautiful black women, with no kids. Women who have sacraficed much to become eligible partners for our black men. These women cannot find black men, partly because if they make more money or bring more to the table, the black men the black men they want to be with, resent these women. Black women had to become strong become strong because of what we have had to deal with. If black women and men cannot find a way to fix this huge problem, then the black race will eventually disappear from this country. It may not be politically correct, but it i TRUE.

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    • NOPLAYER says:
      Posted: 09 Feb 12

      @20pearlsgirl – “To hell with being politically correct tell the truth and shame the devil! Normally I’d yelp like a scolded dog “it’s not all of us, it’s not all of us” but things have gotten to the point that I have to admit “yeah it’s not all of us but far too many of us.” You’re right this is more than preference because I see it and I hear it out of the mouths of too many of us. If I didn’t know any better I’d think it was some out right hatred going on but its way deeper than that, trust me! I had a good conversation with a sister a few months back and we somehow ended up talking about the rift between BM and BW and she asked me, “do BM really hate us?” She caught me off guard and best I could I went on to explain to her that BM don’t hate BW and with tears in her eyes she said asked me “then why do they reject us and treat us as if we’re the worst thing to happen to them?” I had to tell the bartender to hold the Red Bull and just give me a straight Vodka. LMAO I told her wounded and sick people do crazy things and in their pain and frustration they’ll lash out at those closest to them. Most of what you’re dealing with is wounded pride and frustration of desire. BW are not the cause of that frustration but they’re the object of it. In a patriarchal society men are measured by society and their peers by how well they can maintain, provide for and support their women. It’s no secret that BM are dominated by WM in this society and when another man wields power over the means by which they can express their manhood as defined by the society and the prevailing culture you end up with a frustrated men. Their masculinity is conflicted, their self esteem, self concept and self image is all but compromised and you end up with these super macho swag daddies running around. They over compensate for their social, political, and economic “erectile dysfunction” with this hyper sexual I’m king-of the-macks and all these other forms of “reactionary masculinity”. ROTFLMBO (Lord look and have mercy) If my manhood is measured by well I can maintain my women and my family then any disruption of that puts my manhood into question. That’s why a lot of men when faced with unstable, insufficient or unemployment will drown themselves in self-pity by abusing alcohol, drugs or turning violently on those around them or they’ll leave home, all in an effort to escape the feeling of being psychologically castrated. If I’m in control of the means to secure and provide for my woman then I feel like a champ and when I can’t I feel like a chump. Often these frustrated men will engage in what psychologist call “cognitive dissonance” an example of this behavior is; a person that can’t dance always claiming the music is bad. In the mind of this wounded soul he’s saying “you remind me of my failure as a man because I want to be respected and admired by you, I want your approval, I want to do for you what other men do for their women, I want you to leave that job with them crazy ass people and stay at home because I got it covered baby, and I don’t want you worrying and stressing about if I’ll get laid off or the plant moving overseas because I‘m your man and you can count on me!” When he perceives in his mind that this is an impossible dream he becomes biter and he’ll more than likely direct his rage against the object of his frustrated desire. To distort his unpleasant reality he’ll shift the blame elsewhere and you’ll get this narcissistic and emotionally detached person swearing up and down, “you aint on my level, I don’t fool with BW anyway, white women know how to treat their men, you think you better than me cause them folks gave you a job and you look down on me since they laid me off and on and on and on! By pointing out everything he thinks is wrong with you and avoiding the object of his frustrated desires he frees himself from his conflicted masculinity. He may go into over achievement mode and become a status seeker to compensate for his feelings of inadequacy. The flashy cars, the top name brands, exclusive club memberships and exclusive IR dating and the works will give him a feeling potency that maybe he felt he couldn’t achieve otherwise. I told her the people that create the circumstances that lead to these rifts between us have a fine tuned understanding of the psychology of the male and how you can undermine his feelings of self-worth by taking away or greatly restricting the means of expressing his masculinity in a healthy and productive way only leaving him with a perverted and destructive means of expressing it. What you have is a rebellion gone wrong and turned inward. It’s no surprise that many of our men are becoming homosexuals and sissies, remember the saying, “the black community used to be filled with pretty women and working men, now it’s filled with pretty men and working women!” Some have decided being a man is just too hard so they say to hell with all this, I’ll become a woman and why not? BW hate me, society rejects me and the system tries to break me so I’ll become a woman and that way I’m not viewed as a threat to nobody. This is a mess and until we see it for what it is and put a stop to the blame game this madness will continue. Me and this sister both walked away with an increased understanding because we were able to sit down and talk to each other and it felt good to listen and to be able to shoot straight from the hip while allowing yourself to be open and vulnerableat times. When you can deal with the truth no matter how painful it is and you dont get caught up in these ego defense mechanism it's brings people together instead of driving them apart. I felt like I was talking to close friend and felt good!

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      • nika23 says:
        Posted: 12 Feb 12

        I really like this comment and I wish this was your first comment because it's better than the previous bickering. It gave an explanation of some sorts to why black women are often verbally attacked by black men. I'm not American born and lived in a buuble of a Caribbean neighborhood in the NYC, so it was really shocking to me when I began experiencing this. My father is bi-racial (has a black mother) and my mother's mother is bi-racial (has a black father), so "race- mixing" was not seen as a big deal to me. I never heard my mother or father say anything negative about black men or women as a collective. We had slavery in the Caribbean too, so I found it strange that things were so different here, but I guess Jim Crow and segregation left a bigger impact than just slavery. I'm still confused because there are men of low economic status of all races, but I don't see them turning on their women, yet still I'm trying to understand the black male experience you mentioned. If what you say is true, how would lashing out at black women help black men? Isn't it only alienating them more, thus making things worse? I think men are much more concerned with economic status than women, thus putting unnecessary pressure on themselves. I hear many guys say women want fancy cars etc, but I don't hear women talking about cars. Most men joke that women don't know the difference between the tail lights or different model or expensive car etc, so it's obvious that is not the focal point of most women. I know many black women, myself included who have dated and been in love with black men who made less money, but what we usually complained about is how we were treated, not about money. I find myself empathetic and wish blak men went this route as opposed to bashing black women if they really want us. Well I'm done on this topic and wish everyone well with finding love.

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    • Root58 says:
      Posted: 09 Feb 12

      Hello PearlsGirl! You know you ain't lying. I read in Essence magazine several years ago that said, black males are 4 times more likely than black females to marry or date outside of their race, in spite of the fact that in American culture, black women and white men have always been creeping around with each other, whether creeping was consensual or non-consensual. The unfortunate truth is ever since our ancestors came to America we have been victims of divide and concur! I have observed the behavior of enough people to know that racism is alive and well. And no amount of openly drizzled interracial couple have changed that fact either. Another unfortunate fact is black people are also becoming extinct because of ignorance about who we are as a people, through violence from each other, through racism as well as interracial relationships. And you can even see the extinction of African people from Africa with epidemic of AIDS. Because of greed, and because it has always a fear of white people that if we out number THEM we will take over the world and treat them the same way that they have been treating us for eons of years!

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      • NOPLAYER says:
        Posted: 10 Feb 12

        @ Root58 - Now they are going to call you a conspiracy nut! You're on point!

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  10.   Root58 says:
    Posted: 05 Feb 12

    There are positive and negative aspect of everyone. It's just a matter of preferences and commonalities in spite of the positive and negative aspect of a person. Everybody is not for everybody regardless of race, creed, color, religion or whatever. People have to look beyond the things that are not important to find the things that are important. You just have to ask yourself, for example, whether you want someone who disrespect you by being abusive to you, expect you to take care of him, or cheat on you, but he's black; or would you rather have someone who loves and respects you, you take care of each other, and he doesn't cheat on you, but he happens to be white or another race besides black or white. With me, I just want a good man, and I don't care what color he is!!

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  11.   subbob says:
    Posted: 05 Feb 12

    As a WM, Thicke will never understand the Black experience....my best friend from first grade on to HS graduation is a BM who just retired as a university professor......although we grew up in a small town in central Illinois, I'm sure he had many unpleasant encounters of which I was unaware......the same goes for the BW i have dated over the years...although I have seen us discriminated against while on a date, there is no way I can totally know of their individual experiences.....on a lighter note, i have to agree with 32BookWorm about BW not being submissive...none of the BW i have dated are submissive, thankfully, and I have heard from MANY on this site who are anything but submissive! lol.....I am old enough to remember the overt signs of discrimination, e.g, separate water fountains and rest rooms....although there has been obviously much improvement, there will always be White Supremacists, unfortunately...i am on the mailing list for the Southern Poverty Law Center, and they have noted the increase in hate groups over the past few years....most of you have made some very good points on this topic, and I thank you all......

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  12. Posted: 04 Feb 12

    I read some of the responses on here and I have to say that I'm disappointed. When I see an interracial couple and interracial children, I smile. I think it is the most beautiful thing to see people with different ethnic backgrounds come together. To me, it shows peace , equality & love between races... it 's absolutely beautiful to me. I do not believe in racism and I feel that people who think it is wrong to date outside their race are racist. I am a white woman and prefer to date black men, but i have dated white and puerto rican men as well. I think people potentially miss out on the love of their life by being closed minded. I really think that people need to worry more about their own life, rather than critiquing the lives of others. Worry about your own happiness and let other people find theirs.

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  13.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 02 Feb 12

    @ MS. Rachelle Stirring up trouble? Lady please! Just because I don't see the world through your polyanna eyes doesn't mean I'm against IR dating / marriage. You see things from your point of view and I don't have a problem with that. what do you have a problem with? Is it because I point out some of the BS that the mainstream media is attempting to run on AA men and women and how they harm our self image. Is it because I make it known that just because two people can love each other doesn't mean the world has become a world filled with love. Is it because I had the nerve to speak my mind even though some may disagree? Is it because I defended myself and BM from the beat down of more than a few BW on this site? What ever your issue is, get over it and get you a life. Who made you the "thought police"? You didn't invite me into the IR community and it sure as hell aint your place to tell me to leave it, I'll do that when I'm good and ready. I wont allow you or nobody to make me feel I have to conform to your / their views. I don't have to agree with everthing thats put out there to love another human and neither do you, so free your own mind and leave me alone! Best wishes in your search for love and happiness!

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  14.   MS.Rachelle says:
    Posted: 31 Jan 12

    @NOPLAYER, why are you on an IR dating site if you feel the way you do? You obviously have no life. Everytime I look at a new article from the IR dating sure, here you are stirring up trouble with all these facts and theories. Why are you here? You like white women and they turn you down? You sound smart, yet ignorant. Don't agree, you are free to leave the community. We are all one human race and we have bigger problems than color. That will be clear when this crisis strikes over the next 5 years. Your attitudes towards each other will change drastically Love who you love. You can't love someone with a whole heart if you're bitter and full of resentment.

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  15.   RyoSaeba1 says:
    Posted: 27 Jan 12

    I've read this article but mostly people reactions and i can call it a very interesting debate! I must say the arguments made and developed were very instructive! I also agree with most of NOPLAYER says when it explains our history and the tactics used to divided us..but I hardly think IR is one of them. I truly think IR is a tremendous force to close gap between races and ethnic groups, even though Im aware of the danger that might come with it which division between BM and BW! Honestly if we look closer, the truth is IR allows us to learn from different culture and enrich us.. I've had dated Asian girls back then, and my natural curiosity got me to immerse myself in their amazing culture, learning some Japanese, picking up the love for martial art, calligraphy and mangas! While in the same time sharing my African culture and black experience! I've learned from the process,and the same goes with WW, Latinos etc..I mean, beauty is everywhere, this is an opportunity to be open minded..why just limit ourselves? Usually, when someone comes up to me and say " I date only..." , I know I'm dealing with a close minded person! Learning from our experiences is the only way to better ourselves, so my take is get as many DIVERSE experiences as you can and try to learn from them( this will increase your ability to relate, sympathize, emphasize and socialize) At the end, even though I've dated outside of my race and are not ashamed of it, but rather used it as a way to better myself and learn from others, I still see myself marrying my perfect black women, and I know she's out there waiting! There is A lot of black men who thinks the same! True love and solid relationship will always be deeper, more profound within your own racial group as cultural background and social environment are the same! No need of stats to know this! I will finish this comment by taking the US president as an perfect example. Obama was exposed to multiple social groups, hawaiian, indonesian,african american,white, asian etc and he learned from each and every one of them! This made him a charismatic and truly empathetic man! Yet, he dated also outside of his race while in college, and ending up marrying his perfect black women! Love knows no boundaries, Period! Think for yourself, don't take people for granted and respect others will always make you stronger!

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  16. Posted: 27 Jan 12

    The article lost all validity in my eyes after Thicke made the statement that there are only a few good white men. That's not amusing, accurate or integral to the point I believe he attempted to make. Why can't people be positive about one group without being negative toward its opposite? Given that Thicke catches a lot of flack from people for being a white man performing supposedly "black" music, you'd think that he be ultra sensitive to the power of racial stereotypes or race-based judgments. Sure, he was attempting to be mildly self-deprecating or whichever other rationalization/explanation makes sense. Instead of trying to understand how it feels to be a black woman, his time would be better spent understanding the intricacies of being a white man, especially one that "plays on the other side of the fence." Anyone who finds comfort or solidarity in someone who states that there are only a few good *mostly any group*...maybe needs to leave the schoolyard playground and develop a mature understanding of the world. Not sure if that would sell records or increase Twitter followers, though.

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  17.   Devon49 says:
    Posted: 26 Jan 12

    I read the article and the questions posed to Robin Thicke... Because he is married to a "Black woman" does not make him an authority on all Black women, Black men or Black and white dating. I appreciate what he had to say as his opinion. As an individual of color, I decide what is right for me. No disrespect but not only do they not represent the average interracial couple but, they do not speak for everyone because they do not know everyone. Every situation is different just like every person, no matter the color. Thicke's soulmate just happened to be brown but she is uniquely who she is... I am well aware of our history.It is said that if your history is not known, you are doomed to repeat it. I don't I know every black or white man nor do I presume to speak for them, no matter what the majority of our men preferences for dating are... I will date a man of any race as well as my own, as long as there is mutual respect and we love each other. No one determines a situation for me and state that maybe " I was stubborn or didn't treat my man well" as noted in the article. I wonder if this is something Thicke is experiencing because it sounds like a stereo type... No one can make me feel inferior without my permission. I will not live my life in fear because you attract what you most think about or believe. If your opinion of your race of any other is that they are substandard then that is what will come your way. I am in fact the queen I was born to be and I will act accordingly. I will have a successful relationship with whomever I determine is the best fit for me and visa versa. I just got to be free to be me, this skin does not define me but enhances who I am:) Enjoy the journey... Deborah

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  18.   HeKeepsMe says:
    Posted: 26 Jan 12

    -@NOPLAYER This feed would seem like a very complex problem but to put it as simply as I possibly can...THANK YOU for continuing to point out the root of the problem. Our history and knowing who We were prior to colonization and all that missionary stuff is sooooo important. Yet keeping in mind the devices of the other "parties" that were and still are being used to this very moment. I know this feed is mostly black men versus black women and all these thousand stats that are being thrown around but when you take it all apart and as you said "ask the questions, even the ones that get you to react rather than respond".... Who were we before all this garbage came into play? How did we get along? What were we like, etc, etc? What is being debated and defended and ostricized in this argument is over half a century after colonization, so called missionary work and what not. And quite frankly the result of the devices being used to "divide and conquer" AKA colonization/missionary work! Call the next few statements "ethnocentric", "racist", or what have you but I have the utmost LOVE (AGAPE) and RESPECT for the distinct group that I come from...Those "Black" or "African" backs that carried me, bled for me, died for me, suffered for me, were raped for me, ostracized, beaten down, and all the other atrocities they've endured before me AND we can look around to this millisecond and say "We're still standing!" Might be slouching, hurting, and what not but were still here! Did we really forget who we are and were we came from? I can find an appreciation for every black person who commented on this feed and let me make this clear...I FIND THAT APPRECIATION FOR YOU NOT BASED ON WHAT YOU DO, HAVE, RACE OF PERSON WHO YOU ARE MARRIED TO, ETC BUT BECAUSE OF WHO YOU ARE AS YOU WERE CREATED BY THE "MASTER"....if I can quote it correct I do believe He said "And it was good!"...Please excuse my run on sentences and I don't want to come off as pollyanna but dammit, if God said you are good then to me that settles it. I don't think this begins to even address all the mountains that we've created out of molehills but let's get a right perspective and then really address the issue at hand. And it's not really even how bad or good a black man or woman is...to tell you the Truth....:)

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    • NOPLAYER says:
      Posted: 28 Jan 12

      @HeKeepsMe – You didn’t come off as ethnocentric you came off as very intelligent. I’m like you I can see the diamond in spite of the dirt. Our history shows that we make it through the most difficult circumstances. I think that’s what others find appealing about us. We can love even when someone has earned our hatred, we can smile in spite of hurting on the inside, and most of all we have a spirit and a soul and it’s a beautiful when you’re in tune with it but when interfered with it can turn you into your worst enemy. In some of the responses I could hear the crying out, the pleading and the longing, the voices saying “dam it, I want to be loved, I want to be appreciated, I want to be honored like the women of other groups, I want to know I’m not only needed but I’m necessary, and I matter, man do you hear me??” It’s like a man and his wife arguing back and forth both trying to get the other to at least meet them half way. Believe it or not that’s a good sign because when the arguing stops and neither one wishes to even discuss the issue, that’s pretty much the beginning of the end but as long as they still have the energy to argue that means there’s still something there and they’re willing to fight for it. That’s why we get mad when we feel we’ve been attacked by each other we take it personal because it is personal, when you really look at it. We can lie and say “I’m done with BW or I aint fooling with BM no more and they mean nothing to me, I’m done with them”, that’s our wounded pride talking and I’ll prove it. If a Latina said to me “James you aint sh*t” that insult would bounce right off of me because in my mind I’d be like “who the hell are you?” She’s not a woman from my ethnic group so her opinion of me carries little to no weight at all. If a BW said that to me I’d get mad because it matters to me what the women of my group think of me because I have not emotionally detached myself from my ethnic group. If we didn’t value each other opinions about each other why would we bother to take offense and personalize the insult? Think about for a minute!

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    • NOPLAYER says:
      Posted: 28 Jan 12

      @ HeKeepsMe - I agree 100% If you don't have an understanding of your history you'd think BM and BW have never gotten along but I'm glad you see it for what it is! Peace!

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  19.   bret69 says:
    Posted: 25 Jan 12

    Black women are beautiful ,say what is on there minds(sometimes too much) and full of romance.Love the arts of singing,cooking,dancing and adventure! They love there white men over there black men ...why because many black males love the player status and alpha male attitude ...Many white men have no idea what player status even means ........ .The real deal is not color but culture .........If any of us white,black,brown or yellow act like gentleman we all get fair chance with the black women and in conclusion,if black lady wants to have her an opposite flavor culture and color......all the competion is gone for white man and black woman is his for then to experience love ........ feel me yo....:)

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  20.   jobear53 says:
    Posted: 24 Jan 12

    @NoPlayer. How the heck are you doing all that hooping and hollering about interracial dating, especially when it comes to black females and white males, when number #1 you're married, and number #2 you are interested in white women your damn self?! And I would not be the least bit surprise if your wife was white or Asian. You know, it was people like you who I met back in the day, who use to interfere in my personal life by telling me who I can and can not be with when they didn't have a pot to piss in and a window to through it out of. And if given the opportunity, they would be doing the same damn thing! Personally, I think that you are a hypocrite. I don't know how many black men that I've met who expects black women to carry on the legacy of bitterness and anger against people while they date white women especially. For you to lay that kind of burden on black women so that they continue some fantasy legacy of keeping our history intact while you do what you want to do is appalling and insulting to every black woman in the world! And if it was legal, I would tie your hands and feet up, stick an apple in your mouth, put you on a stick, and roast your ass to a crisp!!

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    • NOPLAYER says:
      Posted: 25 Jan 12

      @ jobear53 Maybe I have an open marriage??????? No need for you to worry since I'm not looking to date period! Thanks for reading my profile. I know that last posting was insensitive, very stereotypical and slanderous at best. I know some found it highly disrespectful, offensive, if not hateful. I did that to let some of the BW on this board see how it feels to have someone do that to them. 32Bookworm came on here and did the exact same thing and she had a cheerleading squad behide her. The difference is she believes all that hateful shit she posted and I only did the same to make a point. Seeing the way you responed I know I pissed you off and that was my intention. I took the same foul spirit and words she threw at BM and turned them around and threw them a BW. I know how bad things are between BM &BW, there are feelings anger, hurt and disappointment and a whole list of others and under those circumstances it's expected that they look elsewhere for what they feel they haven't gotten from each other, so I have no issue with BW dating / marrying IR none whats so ever, hear me when I say that, none whats so ever!! I only take issue when BW start whipping on BM. Just like you, I'll date, marry or lay up with who I please and not G.A.F. would doesn't like it. Most important, I don't have a need to down talk or disrespect BW to go on about my business, it's not necessary. I'm no hater and I can smile at a BW when she's on the arm of any man because she's found happiness and I'm happy for her, you and anybody else. Hell, you and I might not be able to make each other happy but does that mean neither of us deserves to be happy? Only miserable, lonely and bitter people sit around worrying about what the next person is doing and I'm far too busy trying to live life to the fullest to hate on you or anybody. Lets at least try and respect each other, don't trash BM and we wont trash you, now that I think about, we both end up looking like trash. I cant throw you under the bus without going along for the ride and vice versa.

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      • Reese says:
        Posted: 25 Jan 12

        You don't have to do that we already know how it feels. This debate started because a chick stated that the good black men probably don't date bw. And I don't know why that is so offensive. I was on blogs on newsone(two brothers who didn't agree with me said you probably don't date black men) because I chose not to argue with them and told them that I use logic and reasoning and don't attack people personally. I don't think you guys see it the same because you are in a different position because there are two bw for every bm. But think of it this way. This is how I see it and hopefully it will give some insight to how some bw feel. If you are one of the bw who bm aren't attracted too, what message are people giving them when they say wm/non bm won't marry you or aren't attracted to you. All you have is black men for potential mates and these men don't date bw or bw like you.

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        • NOPLAYER says:
          Posted: 26 Jan 12

          @ Reece – I think we take it so personal because while there are some “that do treat other women better or they prefer non bw exclusively” but they don’t represent the majority, that’s the point we try to get across but it seems to no avail. It gets frustrating at times because as bm we know that there are BM out there, yeah they’re not entertainers, professional athletes, or even professional men but they’re hard working, they earn good money and they’re willing to marry and start families. We know them because they’re our associates, co-workers, friends, and family members and to have someone to say they’re only interested in non bw or they only treat other women good” is a slap in the face. It’s the same way you feel when you hear some of us talking that same old garbage, you take it personal because you know better and you know they are some good bw out there. Let’s say I’m dealing with 2:1 ratio of bm to bw, I know the numbers are against me, so I couldn’t afford to have too narrow a range where my preferences are concerned. If I refused to date women who have children, non college grads, non professional, larger than a size 8, outstanding debts, or income less than 50k per year I’d greatly reduce my chances of finding a mate, giving the social, political and economic reality of the women I’m selecting from. If I was unwilling to broaden my preferences then I’d have to deal with the consequences by remaining single. I could exercise the option to date women from other groups but I would be DEAD WRONG to throw my hand up and swear up and down there are no good bw available or they all prefer non bm, no matter how frustrated, discouraged, upset, or disappointed I may feel, I don’t have the right to go around spreading “my truth” as THE TRUTH. If I’m not careful it could blow up in my face. Example: if I was your husband and I’m always throwing up in your face “you’re looking at other men!” “You want another man!” “You’re probably sleep around with other men!” Before long you’d be like “you know what, since you keep saying all this sh*t, I’ll do us both a big favor and I’ll go out here and I’ll do the very thing you accuse me of doing so you can get the hell away from me and leave me alone!” Reece believe it are not, I’m very understanding of the sensitivities of bw when it comes to the feeling that bm don’t want them or we think other women are better than them and I know those feeling are real and they’re justified. I think there’s a natural possessiveness and jealousy that exist between the men and women of an ethnic group. As a man, the women from my ethnic group validate my manliness by desiring me as a mate and so I’m secure in my feeling of manliness as long as this continues. Other men are viewed as competition and threatening because they may attempt to take away the women from my group and if that happens who affirms and validates my manliness? Other women may step in but that connection is not entirely there because she’s not from my ethnic group, it’s like breast milk compared to bottle milk. I can only see myself or measure myself in relation to the women from my group, if they find me worthy, then I feel worthy, if they don’t, now that presents me with a problem. So there goes the myth that BM feel non BW give them a sense manliness. Men are only validated and confirmed by how well they’re able to carry out the societal functions that are prescribed to the men in relation to the women of their group as dictated by their own culture or in our case the dominate culture. This could explain why the divorce rate amongst BM in IR marriages is higher than BW, she can stay in the marriage if her emotional needs provided for and she’s secured financially by her mate but if he can’t fully carry out the functions that are required of him as a result of his being subjugated and dominated socially, politically and economically, it’s expected that his divorce rates would be higher. This works both ways but I think it weighs a lot more on the females because they look to the men from their group for protection, shelter, emotional security and as mates. Men don’t have a problem spreading the genes around but women prefer to keep it closer to home and with one mate at a time and her femininity is validated and upheld by being selected as a mate from the males of her group. This something that’s primal and it’s as old as mankind itself. This could explain why both BM and BW get mad when we feel we’ve been put down in comparison to the opposite sex of another ethnic group. Reece I feel you whole heartedly!

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          • Howsassyami says:
            Posted: 28 Jan 12

            I have to say I don't think Robin Thicke has a clue---besides who made him the expert on relationships between BW and BM? I do have to say I am sad to see brothers and sisters at each other this way. Noplayer started out implying that media hype about BW dating WM was an attempt to divide and conquer. I think the divide was already there. Just like at how quickly you all started putting each other down. If BM allow BW to be degraded (and even participate in the degrading) you degrade yourselves. And the same goes for BW degrading BM. If you want to date WM, do it. But don't try to rub it in anyone's face. If you want to date WW, do it. But if you date non BW exclusively and you are a BM you might want to ask yourself what it is about your mirror image (BW) that you are trying to run away from. BW and BM, we have some issues with each other, its okay, we have good reason. But at least attempt to resolve the issues instead of stirring up the pot.

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          • NOPLAYER says:
            Posted: 29 Jan 12

            @ Howsassyami - Good point! A BF co-worker who dates IR once told me that " eclusive IR dating could be more than "color blindness", it's could very well be a "color obsession!"

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  21.   Reese says:
    Posted: 24 Jan 12

    I will say this and let it go. Look at the white house. All of you who wouldn't give Michelle or Barack a chance because their skin is the color of yours. You sure would of missed out. Their are good black men and women who are doing it. I am not against ir relationships. I am a member to this site. But for of all you quoting the statistics about welfare blacks aren't the biggest recipicants. We are not the poorest and least educated group anymore either. We also don't lead in prison. And we do all of this divided if we could respect and work together where would we be. My biggest fear is that we are so divided by effects of racism now we might be our own worst enemy.

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    • Reese says:
      Posted: 24 Jan 12

      And the largest recipiants of welfare are white people not black.

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    • NOPLAYER says:
      Posted: 25 Jan 12

      It’s bad when we go at each other but when we go to quoting one sided statistics to trash your counterpart then the intention for quoting the numbers is foul and malicious. You’d expect that from these racist folks in the media, hell, they’ve never devoted this much energy to promoting statistics that high light the good about AA but you grow to expect it from them but it cuts much deeper when one of your own does it, I’m like “and you to Brutus?” This brings to light the depth of the disappointment and frustration between BM & BW and how it’s now affecting our YBM. It’s no wonder YBM before they’re hardly old enough to date already start forming opinions in reference to them not wanting to date BW, I’m not talking about grown men but little boys. This is a sign that something is going on that’s shaping their views. When you consider that a boy’s “first love” or “first crush” is on his mother and depending on how that relationship plays out, it could very well have an effect on his future relationships with women who look like his mother. I’m aware of the role that tv, books and music have in shaping their young minds but none of that has more of an impact than “the words” that come out of the mouths of the women that look like “their mothers” and God forbid if “those words” come from their own mothers. It’s expected that they’ll start to feel alienated from BW when all they hear from BW is “BM aint shit, they’re worthless, unreliable, whorish, and a whole lot more! If they hear this all day, every day and year after year nonstop, quite naturally they’ll start emotionally withdrawing from BW. They may not hear this in the home but it’s on the tv, in the movies, on the radio and out in the public. AND THE WORD BECAME FLESH! Those words that were thrown out there have now come back in the form of some of your own men, not only dating / marry other women as an option but now as a preference. At one time it was usually after BW had worn them down that they’d start looking for some relief elsewhere but now some are not even considering BW as a first choice. Now it’s easy to say “yeah they only like WW and Latinas, they think they’re too good for a sista and they only treat other women wonderful” but what about all the times they’ve heard you or other BW tear them or the men that look like them down? Have some of you forgotten how you’ve sat around with other BW within hearing distance of your sons or ybm relatives and verbally peeled the skin off of BM. In your anger and frustration it was no longer about that “MF” Johnny that cheated on you, rejected you, got you pregnant and left you, or never married you, it became “they” (BM in general) aint shit!” Do you understand what you do to the self-esteem, the self-image and self-concept of ybm when you talk like that? One BW while replying to a WM’s post on this very blog referred to a ybm as “one of those clueless BB” and I doubt that the “BB” stood for bad boy, she wanted to say either “bad bastards” or “black bastards”, picture that. I’m wise and mature enough to know that her opinions are hers and hers alone and she doesn’t speak for all BW but a ybm may not be able to see beyond the words and literally take them to heart. Just as words of encouragement and inspiration can lead to feelings of love and respect, words of scorn and mockery can lead to feelings of contempt and hatred. It’s bad to have the sons of others feel that way about you but to have those that come from your own womb starting to feel that way about you is out right sad. This is crazy on both sides!

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      • Reese says:
        Posted: 26 Jan 12

        But you act like it is all one sided. Most of the time it is from bm at bw. There is a higher % of bm who don't date black women and are in ir relationships. Everything you said can be applied to bw in forming their opinions about bm. Black men haven't had the large % of black women turning their back on them or prefering non black men, but it is coming. I was looking at all my little black neices and friends' daughters who had crushes on Justen Beaver and a bunch of other little white boys. I was surprised this wouldn't happen when I was a teen. So black men have been talking about black women for years and if you listen to what bw have been saying it is basically, they are not trying to marry us, find us attractive or treat us right. That sounds more like a reaction. If you haven't heard the black men talking about bw go to newsone or bossip. Adn see why bm are now getting the backlash some of us have had. Not saying it is right, but you act like it is only bm doing it.

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        • NOPLAYER says:
          Posted: 27 Jan 12

          @ Reece - I know this goes on both sides and I agree looking back at it historically it has gone on from our (BM) end alot longer. I remember hearing as a little boy the older men saying how mean, evil and hateful BW were, especially the "real black ones"! I so glad that as a child I had a little sense and didn't allow some clowns hanging out on the corner drinking MD 20/20 to shape and mold my mind. I was protected from that by experiencing the exact opposite from BW that these wine-heads were talking about. I wasn't trying to put this off on BW because I know this goes both ways. Reece like you I'm bothered by the gender war between us because now it's rubbing off on our children. I remember as a boy the quickest way to get your teeth knocked down your throat was to insult another boy's mama. Mama was sacred and she was off limits when snapping or playing the dozens on each other. Now it's nothing to ride on a public bus full of school kids and here them cracking "yo mama" jokes. What has happened that we can now insult each other's mama when we would have been ready to beat each other to death not even 30 years ago and it didn't matter if mama was a doctor or she cleaned up at the doctor's office, she was sacred and you didn't allow no one to insult her because you understood that "to insult my mama was to insult me!" This proves a sad truth that we've been poisoned against our women. I could really go deeper into the who, what, why, when and where's but I'd need a book for that. I'll tell you this, my son knows the fastest way to get beat is to let me hear or see him being disrespectful of females period!

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        • NOPLAYER says:
          Posted: 28 Jan 12

          It’s funny that you mentioned Justin Bieber, my cousin who teaches in D.C. was telling me about all the black boys in her 5th grade class and how they all got pictures of either Kim Kardashian or Katy Perry in their note books so she asked them were where their pictures of Rhianna or Beyonce and they replied “the ballers and players women don’t look like them!” Keep in mind this is an inner city school in a predominately black neighborhood and the only exposure most of them have to wf is through TV or magazines. She was shocked by their responses and I told her that TV is a “MF” because of the nonstop subliminal messages that are being planted into their young minds in relationship to BW. Does it surprise you when they make a big deal when WF entertainers adopt black babies, one WF Mariska Hargitay 6 months after adopting a one child turned around and adapted an AA baby boy. What’s going on with that? Every time I pick up a magazine I see Sandra Bullock and Luis, why do they constantly feed this to the public. These women don’t date BM and most have little to no AA friends, so if they have all most no association with AA, why would they want to adapt an AA child? Sandra played in the movie “The Blind Side” where she rescues a homeless black boy and around the same time the movie “Precious” is playing in theaters, you’d have to be clueless not to ask yourself “what’s the message being sent?” It’s almost like they’re asking the question, “who would you want to be your mother or the mother of your children?” As parents we have to talk with our children and let them know the game these folks are trying to run on them because if we don’t they’ll start forming opinions about each other based on this garbage the media is trying to feed them and if we stand by and say nothing we’re just as guilty as the ones trying to poison our ym and yf against each other. Now that might present a problem for some of us, I hate to say it but some of us have become so “color blind” that we’ve put on these blinders when it comes to social issues that affect AA collectively out of fear that we may appear to our non black lover or spouse as hostile or one of those AAs with a chip on our shoulder. It tickles me to death when I’m around IR couples and a discussion about politics, history or race breaks out and you can tell those that are not comfortable with reality, they start turning red, some develop stuttering problems instantly and others hurry up to change the subject, I’m mean it cracks me up!

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          • reese says:
            Posted: 29 Jan 12

            I know you cannot be that color blind or worst some of them act as if sleeping with another race is a big accomplishmen. Black parents need to turn off the tvs. We watch much more than anybody else does. And then we have all the negative images of our children. I try not to get frustrated with our people because I feel they should know better and try to remember that they are exposed to the same negative stereotypes. But it is hard to see us so easily manipulated and being our own worst enemy. I really don't care who anybody dates gay, white, hermaphadyte or whatever. But somethings you shouldn't say.

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      • Reese says:
        Posted: 26 Jan 12

        But that ain't nothing until you hear men of other races telling you how to treat your men. I am hearing it now from non black men telling bm why their women don't treat or respect them Welcome to our world we have been hearing this bs for years. I asked one chick who isn't black what expertise does she have sense she is not married, in long term relationship or anything. I was like you really think you are qualified just because you aren't black. I was girl please if you have all this knowlegde I would more receptive if you got yourself a husband first. lmao

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        • NOPLAYER says:
          Posted: 28 Jan 12

          @ Reece - Tell me you didn't tell her that? LMAO It's funny how other folks have now become the new experts on black folks and their relationships. If I'm not mistaken they're divorce rates are through the roof as well, they're having affairs and cant stand the site of each other, so what are these folks talking about? I'd be like get your house in order before you start advising me on how to clean mine.

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          • reese says:
            Posted: 29 Jan 12

            I did tell her that. I am sick of all this foolishness coming at us. I am sorry if I came hard at you, but I am sick of all of it. And I was just about to divorce my people. I am on a trial seperation as it is. smh

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          • reese says:
            Posted: 30 Jan 12

            No, I did tell her that and I also told her that we black women have a lower divorce rate with bm than any other race. We also have the lowest divorce rate with white men and latinos so she might want to pull up a chair and take some notes.

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  22.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 24 Jan 12

    I guess they don't like it when the stats are used as a weapon against them. I notice the cheerleading squad was working overtime when 32Bookworm was qouting the stats that reflected badly on BW but now they've gotten quite. OH well, so who are the loser now, who's the embarassment to them selves, and it looks like BW are the clowns according to the stats. I hope men from other groups are paying attention to the stats, get a clue!! ALL men of all ethnic groups if you want a good wife, a good mother for your children and a good example of dignified womanhood for your daughters you may want to look at the statistics and then quite frankly look elsewhere. Dont get mad at me get mad at the statistics, I just quoted what they said! ROTFLMAO

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  23.   taylor529 says:
    Posted: 23 Jan 12

    Thank you Robin for the wonderful compliment you given your wife with a song,on what it's like to be a black woman.You two are a wonderful couple.Be nice if there was more white men like you.

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  24.   r3llim says:
    Posted: 23 Jan 12

    If American BM are jokes then BW are the punch line. You want to play statistics game? Okay. Black women have the highest teen pregnancy rate with 134women per 1000 become pregnant between the ages of 15-19. This leads to half of black teen girls to get pregnant before they turn 20. Or what about the fact that have the highest abortion rate with nearly half of every black child conceived become aborted. And the other half becomes part of the 70% of black children born out of wedlock which by the way means that they are born from unmarried parents. It does not describe whether the father is a part of that child’s life or not. And even still why is it the fault of black men only when black women apparently choose to birth children without marriage. Also let’s also bring up the fact that 59% of black mothers have children with more than one father. So one might can say that more than half of black mothers have baby daddies and continue to bring more possibly illegitimate children into this world. And I don’t think marriage is any promising with BW either considering Ebony Magazine publish a study on February 2011 that states that 26% of married black women cheat on their current partner as opposed to the 9% of BM. Also 40% of black have used pornography as opposed to the 29% of BM. So even when they are married BW are more likely to be sexually active and commit adultery as opposed to BM (shocker). Now 32bookworm mentioned that based on her states that BM are incompetent and use have no interest in a serious relationship with BW and that could be true maybe. But I can also conclude that black women tend to show no self respect and are sexually irresponsible. Let’s pretend that all black father abandon any association with their children since they do not marry the mothers. So you mean to tell me that with the access of condoms, birth control, Planned Parenthood, the morning after pill or even just abstinence that BW pass all of this and choose to conceive children even at a young age with no financial stability or support from the father. These women continue to do this even after birthing one child only this time with another man. AND BM ARE THE SOLE BLAME FOR THIS. GET REAL. I’m sorry but if you want to say that BM are prone to be dead beat losers then fine. But also admit that BW are too stupid and incompetent even be considered decent mothers. Single black mothers need to stop patting themselves on the back considering the fact that they choose to lay on their backs and bring children into a world where you can’t provide for them nor do they have a father willing to raise them. Yes BM need to either marry the women of their children or avoid having them. But BW need to stop playing the victim of here and stop blaming BM for mistakes that they make. 32Bookworm brought up how BW contribute the most to Tyler Perry or NAACP but you know what all of that is really voided considering some young black girl let smooth talking idiot convince her have pull her panties off and have unprotected sex. And in turn produce a child who will grow up to possibly join a gang, a drug dealer or become a deviant. The child will grow up to ether rob or assault people in the neighborhood, disturb public school in making them inefficient in their accreditation, cause businesses to move and reduce any amount of available jobs for others, reduce property value, become a tax burden and find another person to continue this cycle again and again. So it balances out as far as I’m concerned. If anything it makes it worse because this drives more affluent black people from returning to black neighborhoods because of some baby mamma having a child when she was nowhere near ready to be a parent. And more importantly a lot of these mothers are dead beats as well. I can’t tell you how many mothers paid little attention to raising their children. But they knew to collect government assistance and free health care every month to be spent either on drugs, other dead beat men or to go to the club on a school night. But in the eyes of the media it is the poor BW who all on her own raises the children that were abandoned by their father (because the mother didn’t require a wedding ring before sleeping with him) in order to raise them to be what? Drop outs, convicted felons (and by the way BW incarceration rates are increasing now so its not BM that are locked up), welfare collectors, slums, and the lowest social class. The BM they sleep with probably didn’t have a job, education, or clean record yet these BW choose them to father their children. Because of what? Loyalty to BM? What about the BW that date dealers and thugs? And a lot of times these aren’t girls from the hood but middle class and educated BW. Lauren London admitted liking thugs since watching “Don’t be a Menace to Society” and she came from a stable two parent home. I’ve heard many instances where girls that attend Howard University and dated roughnecks that didn’t even attend the college. Or girls that let guys in the neighborhood run a train on them. Do all BW do this? No. But there is enough to give proof that BM can aspire to be garbage in order to get gorgeous women. If you don’t believe me look are the Facebook pages of rappers like Lil’ Wayne. All of them are followed by a plethora of attractive black women. Or what about the number of BW that only mess with any man who isn’t a “scrub” or can pay her “pay her bill, can he pay her telephone bills”. Or the BW that strive to be groupies for rappers and athletes. There are loyal BW but there are a large number of corrupt BW that are materialistic or have a fetish for aggressive men that treat them like crap. And that’s what separates BW or non-BW. Non-BW aren’t willing to put up with anything from a man and will tend to be are self reliant. At a young age white and Asian women place themselves and their goals over any man. BW have the sex at the same rate as other races of women. The difference is that BW don’t use the preventive measures to avoid pregnancy. White and Asian women do because they believe they have a lot to lose. I find it funny that it was mentioned how if BM did all of the things Asian men did, it would somehow solve the inability BW have to prevent pregnancy. Or even accept these kind of men. There is a reason why BW have the stereotype of liking thugs because there is a good segment of black women that value men like that. Not accept but value. On several occasions I’ve heard BW say they have a thing for “street n*ggas”. Or BW who are in relationships with men they know are dealers, have some crime rap sheet, Or aspire to be rappers with the thug persona. It never occurs to these women that these relationships do not set themselves or their children for a better future. For the most part non-BW won’t bother with those men in their race. And guess what their men would follow suit and most would refrain from pursuing it. Can the same be said about BW? Not really, no. There are plenty of BW that will give acceptance to those men as they give acceptance to having children without marriage. You know there is an old saying: why buy the 32Bookworm if I can get the spoiled milk for free. Or something like that. If you got a group of women that are willing to give a man at his lowest standing attention, have sex without any consideration to whether or not they will become pregnant even at a stage in their lives where they cannot provide any support and are willing to continue to have illegitimate children after the first mistake, then I’m asking why the hell should a man give you the respect of marriage and be considered a partner. Why should I work hard for a woman that has no standards in preparing herself to be a mother or a decent woman. To get an Asian or white woman you have to work hard on improving yourself. Why? Because they have shown that they are self sufficient and will eliminate any man for his faults. Black women have shown that they can accept the worst of the worst in a man while not improving on themselves either. And it’s not because they have a father to tell them so. It’s because they know they have something to lose in their decisions something many BW don’t consider. And they work to correct it not moan about what the man in their lives did to them. You want to compare BM as fathers over BW okay. Let’s compare BW as mothers over other groups of women. I laugh at the fact that Barrack Obama had the audacity to criticize BM as fathers but neglect the responsibility of many single black mothers. Look up Angel Adams to see why. She has 12 children and is demanding that the government to step in and take care of her children regardless of how she is incapable of taking care of them. Too many black mothers place little emphasis on raising children. Are there Black mother who sacrifice for their children yes. But others are just as bad as Monique was in “Precious”. Can anyone honestly say that a single black women would have raised a BM to attend Harvard Law School, then become senator, and finally the president of the US? No but a white woman did. And Barrack Obama senior was a crappy person. But Ann Dunham didn’t spend her energy blaming the father or having more unwanted children. She placed emphasis on him receiving an education. Not spend her time shouting or at times allowing their children to continue to be corrupt simply because of how hard it is to be a single mother. There are BW who do the exact same thing for their children as many single white mothers but certainly not all. So I don’t buy this theory that the problems facing black people are due to the notion that a responsible mother is left to raise the children the father abandoned (or like was shown in one segment of “Black in America” the father just moving up the street). Because that doesn’t explain the low education rates among blacks across the board, teen pregnancy, or crime. A lot of this could be avoided by many BW having standards in the type of men they let in their lives. And this isn’t just some angry black man saying this but I think others are starting to the incompetence of many black women. Representative John LaBruzzo of Louisiana once proposed a law to offer single poor women $1000 to have their tubes tied so to reduce what he feels as generational welfare. And the focus was likely aimed at minority (black) women. Yeah there are BM that are impregnating them but what makes you honestly think that if all of these men were gone that these women wouldn’t create fatherless children by other men. Especially since nearly 60% of black women have two or more baby daddies. Every episode of Maury Povich shows some black woman with two or more men (hell one time eleven) men to give a paternity test on little Ray Ray. But the men are the irresponsible ones for not having protective sex just once. So you think it just beauty standards that preventing other men from approaching BW? Really. Not the issue of BW possibly being perceived as the most loud, classless, most promiscuous, overbearing, and not the most motherly group of all races of women? White and other men can find BW PHYSICALLY attractive (I needed to pause in order to look at light skin to prove so). There are more of those men than that racist study stated about men view BW as unattractive. But just like other races of men see Asian women as graceful and womanly, many of them don’t see that in BW as a whole. Not because of their skin or hair but how they are culturally. I’ll admit that BM are perceived and a lot of ways prove to be trash but here’s the thing I acknowledge it. I don’t ignore it or blame anyone for men that do commit certain act like that. But BW love to pin all of their problems with themselves and their actions on BM. And it’s only so much you can blame on BM to erase the fact that many BW have children while they were teenagers, don’t demand marriage or a father’s involvement with the child, and continue to produce children without any regard for their future as they will be welfare recipients. And that’s how other men view BW. Not unattractive because of their hair or their skin so much as they view them as unwomanly. They will sleep with a BW (see prostitution in Africa or Ghetto Gaggers) but not consider them wife material. And that’s why I said BW may be more submissive to their non-black partners because they subconsciously believe they are on thin ice. They know they are one argument away from their non-BM (especially white man) from just packing up and leaving her because she’s on a thin line from being either the few good BW he’s met or just a typical angry mammy-like BW. Was this a good response 32Bookworm?

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    • Reese says:
      Posted: 31 Mar 12

      But I think that is another stereotype of black women being manly like Asian men being feminine. I will tell you to look at history and see that bw actually raised a large percentage of white men particularly in the south. So many of them were raised by black nannys. If bw were such bad mothers why did they have us raising there kids.

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      • Reese says:
        Posted: 31 Mar 12

        And I find it funny that you say bm don't blame nobody else when in your previous post you stated that black women can only raise someone to be a fellon and white women raise president. What were you doing if not trying to blame bw for black man's shortfalls.

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  25.   ThomL says:
    Posted: 22 Jan 12

    Frankly, I'm looking forward to the day when colour of skin is considered about as important as eye colour. In England we are slowly getting there, 'inter-racial relationship' is already considered a hopelessly outdated expression. Most right-thinking people just don't care about race, religion or skin colour any more.

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    • Reese says:
      Posted: 24 Jan 12

      And what can black men be doing. They also can use a condom. If if is all black women r3llim why do black men have all these successes with women of other races. They do not. Blacks have the highest divorce rates. And why black women's decrease across the board black men's increase. And how many of the black father's have children with more than one mother. I see that you forgot that statistic. And also explain why so many non black women are now raising biracial children alone. Black men also have some responsibility in this. Maybe I gave you too much credit if you don't see this. For everty stat you say we lead I could turn it around and show the corresponding black men so stop pointing finger. What bs you are talking about young asian and white women putting goals before men when how many black women don't have children who are very successful. You are talking about the majority of women with kids. I am a single mother who raised a son who is in his 2nd year of college he is majoring in Videogame design and doing better than most kids from two parent households. But even if these women are raising the kids in a way you don't approve of atleast they are raising them. These fathers could take the kids. They could wear condoms. I could very easily say that the difference between black men and men of other races is that they take care of kids regardless of how they feel about the mother. The ones who they don't want to have children with they wear protection. And why do black men so acceptable wth having kids out of marriage. It is a culture accepted norm by both black men and black women. News flash black women could not get pregnant by themselves. How many of these black men have multiple kids too by mulitple kids. How many of them aren't marrying the non black women either. It isn't if all the black men are married and taking care of their non black kids. The stats show that they are no more responsible with them either. I see so many non black women raising kids alone. My friend who is a pyschologist specializes in it. So these black men have no more success with non black women. But us on the other hand have the lowest divorce rate with white men(even lower than wm/wm) and the we are also 3rd lowest ir with latino men. Black men are higher with other races of women. So these other women who you are championing are less successful in marriage with black men than we are. So maybe it's black men too. Date who you want, but stop pointing fingers it doesn't make you look any better than anybody else. All people say is they cannot even get along with each other. And r3illm it is also stereotypes that black women are not feminine and has been for the longest time. I disagree with you about them not thinking we are motherly. Think of it this way black women raised most of the white men and women particularly in the south. Look at the Help and Madmen and see that black women were the nannies and raising their kids. The racist studies do show that black women are not seen as attractive as non black women. Look at how they talk about Michelle as being mascular, making fun of her butt, or portraying her as angry black woman. And they seem to think no more highly of the black men. White women were less upset about their white sons dating black women than black women were about their sons dating white women according to their own statistics. The same is not true about black men. Black men with white women are the targets of hate crimes not black women with white men. So don't act like we as a community on a whole haven't did a disservice to these kids. And black men also have a hand in the way women are portrayed in the videos look at how we are portrayed by our men compared to how other men portray us. There are alot of stereotypes about both black men and women. I wonder why you take all of this so personally. Would you guys stop the blackman/black women war online. I don't know why you guys have to go back and forth. But instead you guys respond by more ignorance. Especcially when this all started over someone asking a question as to whether these black men he is telling us to stick with don't even like black women. Or will treat black women right. Then you go on and prove her point by typing all these stereotypes. If they see black women as the most loud and ghetto or worst mothers. You are crazy if you think they don't see black men as the most dead beat dads, laziest men, most uneducated(even less than black women), largest criminals, least respectful, biggest womanizers, easiest to manipilate and lowest moral character. Alot of times they blame the community for the black man's absence. So don't think that either of us have all this respect from the other races. The majority of people marry their own race and the lie is that majority of other races will date black men. The majority of white women date white men. The largest % of white women in ir relationships are with latino men, we know asiain women are the highest ir dating and marriages at slightly over 48% but that is rarely with black men. And although you might be in more ir relationships, ours are more successful.

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  26.   Reese says:
    Posted: 22 Jan 12

    Also I wonder why he or media don't address other dating options. Why is white men being pushed or only addressed. He said white men won't understand your journey, but what about latino, natives, asians, middle easterns, and anybody else I might of missed. I think the reason

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  27.   NeeNee45 says:
    Posted: 21 Jan 12

    I LOVE MRS.PAULA AND ROBIN THEY ARE AWESOME TOGETHER SHE IS A GREAT ACTRESS AND HE IS JUST AWESOME SINGER AND YOU BOTH MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WORK NOW I KNOW ALL MARRIAGES HAVE THEIR UP AND DOWNS BUT LOOKING AT THE THICKES MARRIAGES AND THE ONLY THING I CAN SAY IS AWESOME...I WILL CONTNUE TO PRAY FOR A LONG LASTING MARRIAGES.....I LOVE YOU BOTH FELICIA. I NEVER LOOK AT COLOR. I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY AND BE IN LOVE.

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  28.   Aurex says:
    Posted: 21 Jan 12

    NOBLESS OBLIGE LISTEN TO YOUR HEART. WE ALL HAVE THESAME BLOOD IN OUR VEINS

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  29.   balloons says:
    Posted: 20 Jan 12

    I hope people will realize that the reporters and newspaper companies will always be in business because when people want to get together, skin color will and never will be a problem. Keep writing about affairs of the heart, they make good reading material. White men are great to date and black men are great to date. Shut your face and get a life. Smile.

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  30.   jazzinwine says:
    Posted: 19 Jan 12

    This entire article left a bad taste in my mouth but perhaps I took it out of context and since I wasn't there to hear him actually say it. I'm sure being a product of a bi-racial union, Paula had some speed bumps in her "journey". BUT, what exactly does he know of a black woman's journey? I'm going to guess nothing. Especially a black woman who wants to date interracially. Why does he think there are not a lot of good white men out there? Because he is around mainly black males? That statement alone can be debated. It's great that they are a inter-bi-racial couple BUT I wouldn't dash my hopes or get them high over Thicke's opinion. "Maybe the women need to take better care of their men." He's a grown ass man and she's a grown ass woman. They take of EACH OTHER. BOTH parties need to say "sorry". I personally think he is trying to keep on the good side of the brothers so he's speaking for them. I'd like him to sit down with me and some other black women and hear our plight and our viewpoint on both black AND white men. I'm just not digging this article or his statements. However, life will go on.

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  31.   RunnerJ says:
    Posted: 19 Jan 12

    Look, I know plenty of wonderful black men. However, I also know a good number who have this bizarre double standard for interracial dating. I mean, he is on this site to meet other races (it's an INTERRACIAL dating site and he has selected white, Asian and Latina as options). You don't come here to meet black women, you go to one of the black dating sites to meet black women. But, guess what? He stumbled on this page and found all these black women who like white men and he can't handle it. He's masking this in intellectual discourse but the truth is, as with many black men, he has a double standard. He can date and marry other races but "his women" can't. That's his issue and the issue of many black men. Bottom line....

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    • NOPLAYER says:
      Posted: 20 Jan 12

      @ Runner J Most BM and this blog and myself included dont have a problem with BW dating WM but we hate it when BW sh*t on us by making gross generalizations, not about the minority but the majoirty of us. BW don't like it and they find it disrespectful when BM down talk them in comparison to WW, I'm sure you know what I'm talking. "You dont have to date me but I wont let you dog me!" Respect can go both ways. Bottom line......

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  32.   shydemlikes says:
    Posted: 19 Jan 12

    like Rosso87 said black and white can make the perfect match ever.

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  33.   dega7011 says:
    Posted: 19 Jan 12

    White, Black, Latin, Asian, Purple, Green, Red, blonde hair, brunette, red hair, tall, short, skinny, thick, some have big feet, some have small feet, we all have different features that we are attracted to in another person. Get over it, find somebody to love, and if you know someone that found love of another race, so be it. Support them in their quest for happiness. Stop trying to rain on a person's parade, or to bring them down into misery. Reality is what you make of it. Just because we don't like something, it doesn't mean we should expect others to think the same as ourselves. We all have different things that make us happy, and if a woman or man finds happiness with a person of a different race, then show the love and support just as you'd want others to support you in your own quest for love and happiness. If there are people getting into relationships for the wrong reasons, then so be it. It's not our right to judge. Even white men date white women for the wrong reasons. There are black men that date black women for the wrong reasons. Hispanic men will date Hispanic women for the wrong reasons. The reasons that people have for dating share the same traits with each race, whether they are dating interracial or not. As much as we would hate for anyone else to judge us for what we do with our lives, we have no right to judge others for what they do with their lives. Let it go. Yes, maybe there have been negative things in history pertaining to interracial mingling, but there are plenty of positives, too. If you want to find a negative in something, then you are guaranteed to find it if that's your focus. There are negatives in everything if we want to be negative about it. We are what we choose to believe. God loves everyone, case closed.

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  34.   Rosso87 says:
    Posted: 18 Jan 12

    Black and white, and black and asian make pretty babies.

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  35.   Babydoll37 says:
    Posted: 18 Jan 12

    There is a few good black men but I would not say a lot. Robin never dated black men before so how would he know that it is so many good black men because he only been friends with them. It is so very easy to say that a person can make someone a good men if they never dated them before. It is so much easier and less complicated just being a friend to someone verses dating them. When you date someone you have to put more work into the relationship verses just being in a good friendship.

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  36.   SOULboy93 says:
    Posted: 18 Jan 12

    ALL HAIL THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE, WE MUST STICK TOGETHER, BECAUSE WE ARE ALL WE GOT IN THE PHYSICAL FORM, ONE LOVE, PEACE TO ALL !"

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  37. Posted: 17 Jan 12

    As a muliracial women, my preference has always been towards white or hispanic men. Some friends ask, " Why don't I find a nice black man to be with " to which I respond, " Why do you I have to be with a black man, after all I am mixed. Rather a person is black, white, native, asian, muliracial or biracial all that really matters is being true to yourself and not worrying what anyone say's about your preferance in who you date. Just make sure your being true to yourself and the one your are with. Love is all that really matters, it's the glue that holds it together, not the racial preference.

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  38.   randyman1 says:
    Posted: 17 Jan 12

    like what you like and mind your own beez wax !!!

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  39. Posted: 17 Jan 12

    I admire the fact that Robin tries to understand what his wife has gone through as a black woman. However, I feel as though her experience was different from the average darker skin woman. Nevertheless it does not make "the experience" less relevant! I choose to date interacially but I refuse to bash black men no matter what my experience was like dating them in the past. I make a conscious effort to do so. Why can't they? It really doesn't matter who you choose to date, fall in love and even marry. Just stop putting each other down!!!

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  40.   ThomL says:
    Posted: 16 Jan 12

    This obsession with skin colour seems to become far more pronounced on the American side of the Atlantic, it is less so in Europe, well it is until you go further east to the old Soviet bloc where bad old racism is still prevalent. Personally I don't just think it is colour of skin, I think it is American's endless fascination with themselves...self absorption having become something of an art form in that part of the world. Get over yourselves and stop worrying about what other people say or think.....

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    • 32Bookworm says:
      Posted: 16 Jan 12

      Sweetie, What you have here is America's obsession with BW. America LOVES to push their collective noses into BW's personal lives. They're not even looking for the truth--just some kernel use to twist into their distorted racist viewpoints. The only thing all Americans can agree on is that BW belong on the bottom of every social, economic, etc standard you can imagine. That way the rest of America can feel better about themselves. As you can see by this comment thread even most BM feel the same way. The very title of this article is misleading. No-one is 'pushing' BW to date interracially in America. Because one BM intellectual wrote a book where he discusses the option, all of a sudden MSM wants to portray it as BW being 'pushed' to date outside the race. Trust me, there are far more forces at play to discourage BW from dating interracially--most of them from BM. For example, I personally have encountered numerous times where BM will agressively approach my date, mostly in groups, and try to goad him into a response. The goal is to obviously intimidate my nonBlack date into thinking twice about dating a BW. No one wants the added hassle of random BM potentially turning every date into a violent encounter. This has happened to me a lot of times, and has happened to plenty of other BW I know. Nowadays, the only IR relationship demographic who regularly encounters violent/potentially violent situations are WM/BM combinations--from mostly BM. Others may stare, or make comments, but that is usually the gist of it.

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      • sweetieflwr says:
        Posted: 17 Jan 12

        32Bookworm, Thank you for making the point so clear very well said. I really haven't seen any positive news/ topics on BW.The only ones seem to get noticed has to be something negative. I guess It's not interesting if we can't be thought of as waiting around for a BW/BM relationship/marriage. As if we are not allowed to be happy outside of the typical stereotypes especially the one of desperation for a BM relationship or we will just die lonely.

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      • bigeyes31 says:
        Posted: 17 Jan 12

        Very good point! No other woman is more imitated and hated at the same time as the American black woman!

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      • NOPLAYER says:
        Posted: 18 Jan 12

        Once again! You said: All you BM who are commenting on BW’s IR relationships need to STFU!!! By it’s very definition, the relationship DOES NOT CONCERN YOU!!! Try telling that to the sister that started this drama by (in so many words) saying that these “wonderful BM” that Robin was referring to preferred non BW. As a BW you know we’re not going to sit back and accept these cheap shots. We should date IR because that’s what we’re into and not as a response to what someone else is doing. I constantly hear “most BM prefer this one or that one”, ok, focus on who you prefer and leave BM alone, stop focusing on who some of us prefer to date, if you have no interest in dating / marrying BM or do you ??????? Example: If I had no interest in dating or marry BW then I shouldn’t have nothing to say about how / or how many BW prefer to date non BM. If you find me always talking about BW dating everybody but BM then it could lead you to believe that I still desired to be with BW. If this wasn’t case, why would I bother to make who BW prefer an issue.

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        • Reese says:
          Posted: 18 Jan 12

          No, my intake is a little different on the issue. She was responding to Robin Thicke's response that the black men he knows are good men and take care of their family. And he only has a few good white men. If the black men he knows who are good don't date bw it makes his point invalid because they are not availible to bw anyway. Some of us do date both, but aren't approached very often by bm. Whoopi Goldberg said when they asked her why she dated ir "brothers' won't knocking at her door." So I don't think she was commenting persay on who bm are dating, but on Robin's comment on bw dating white men who he claims won't understand our journey.

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      • reese says:
        Posted: 18 Jan 12

        I know I am tire of it. They were even talking about lack bw married in Russia. Why? Since when do they care about black people or black women.

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        • NOPLAYER says:
          Posted: 19 Jan 12

          @ reese - "There you go, thats what I'm talking about, ask the right questions" I wonder why do they spend all this money conducting these surveys and polls, printing articles in the print media, and writing books about BW and their love lives. What is their aim? They've never (and never will) raised this much cane about BW in regards to health care, fair employment, and all other areas of concern to BW as acollective, so why your dating / marraige lives? I believe there are more pressing issue than who BW relate to behind closed doors. They really cared and was concerned about BW, they stop with the constant attacks on the self-image of BW and they'd stop creating the conditions in society that put BM and BW against each other like fighting dogs. Lord if I could only get folks to see this thing for what it is, it's game being ran all day long!!! We beat each other to death for actting out the symptoms of an infection that somebody else gave us, hell if I'm caughing, sneezing, and running a fever you don't beat up on me, you say " he's got the flu, poor thing!" You go into prevention mode and try to eliminate what may have caused me to get sick. One more and I'm gone! There's 10 of us in a room and we're all doing good health wise but then an 11th person comes in and all of a sudden folks start getting sick. If a flu bug or a stomach viruse is now amongst us, if it didn't originate with us then how did it get there and start making folks sick? I'd bet the house note that person # 11 bought in amongst and infected some us! We're actting out the symptoms of a sickness that we picked up from somebody else and we're now blaming each other as if we created the sickness, so sad, so sad!

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          • Reese says:
            Posted: 19 Jan 12

            Agreed. Oh and I might not say it, but I am never mad at you. I try not to take any of these posts personal. I agree with alot being said. And he as a community are in trouble and we think that we can survive without the other. How crazy is that with half of our community gone. And we cannot even have a debate without attacking each other. We are self destructing and all we can do is sit around and piont fingers at one another. Nobody has a solution. Our community cannot be healthy with us constantly attacking one another. The other people on the ir sites don't attack their male or female counterparts.

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          • NOPLAYER says:
            Posted: 20 Jan 12

            @ Reece Back in 2011 two men named Ivory A. Toldson, Ph.D, a professor at Howard University and research analyst for the congressional Black Caucus Foundation ;and Bryant Marks a psychology professor at Morehouse and a faculty associate at the university of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research conducted research using the same old data from the census and the American Community Surveys and they shead some light light on the situation on an article that was published back in 2011 in EMPOWER Magazine. I’ll list some of their findings. The ratio of unmarried single BM and BW is no more than 1-to-2. Mr. Toldson stated that, “I analyzed the census data and even when I used the strictest criteria, I still wasn’t getting above 1-to-2 ratio.” So where did folks get these crazy ratios that say 1 to 7, 1 to 10, even as high as 1to 15? Only God knows! They shut down the myth that over half of the BM in America are unfit for marriage because of their socioeconomic characteristics (unemployment, high school drop-outs or incarcerated). They stated ”for that to be true you can’t have an overlap in any of the categories but 70% of high school dropouts serve time in prison, so you do have an overlap in the categories. There are hardly any successful BM out there! They stated, “BW have outpaced BM in receiving college degrees since the 1960’s. But more BM than BW earn over $75,000 a year, and BM are twice as likely to earn more than $250,000 a year.” He stated that “we should look more broadly at success amongst BM because education doesn’t necessarily determine income and a result would be a picture that is less dim concerning the available number of “successful BM. So there goes the myth that they’re not enough successful BM for the women who want them. But they’re all married to WW! Black athletes,72% are married to BW. According to the numbers, 83% of BM earning over $100, 000 a year are married to BW and 85% with degrees have blk wives. Educated BW can’t find husbands! The authors stated that in “D.C., BM with only HS diplomas, 36% are married, 47% for BW with college degrees, 59% with graduate degrees and 62 % for those with doctorial degrees are married and similar patterns exist in for BW in Atlanta. So much for the myth that the more education you have the lesser your chances are for finding a blk husband.” I’m sure geographical location has an effect on these numbers as well. I‘ve quoted these brother to give some balance against the media hype because you must remember that people put this information out there for one or two reasons and that’s to either inform you or to deceive you. They put this mess out there as a way swaying public opinion. Depending on how old you are, you may remember during the 80’s how Ronald Reagan and these republican conservatives in their efforts to cut off aid to families in need started racializing welfare and branded BW as “welfare queens”. They twisted the statistics to the point that now most Americans associate the word welfare or assistance or those in need with BW and why? Because that’s was the original intention of the people that wanted to create that image as a means of turning the public against BW. You got to look beyond “the numbers” and see the picture that they’re trying to paint with “the numbers” and depending on who is doing the painting and who is being featured in the painting, I’d be on the lookout for some foul sh*t! Peace!

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          • NOPLAYER says:
            Posted: 20 Jan 12

            This is bad and I hate I lost my temper but it's one thing to have to fight of other folks but to have to fight off your own women? It's a mess. I'd bet folks are sitting back thinking, I don't wont nothing to do with them crazy ass people, look at how they beat on each other!" LMAO

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          • Reese says:
            Posted: 22 Jan 12

            I agree with you. I said it earlier. I don't know who they think they are impressing with their so called truth about black men or black women. But what non blacks are seeing is they cannot even get along with each other.

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      • FormFunction says:
        Posted: 27 Jan 12

        You are *dead on* about the intimidation tactics some black men use to "dissuade" non-black men from dating black women. I have been literally appalled by some of the behavior I have witnessed (first hand, unfortunately) black men engaging in with my significant others who are white. From verbal insults to starting physical fights. Of course, in front of me. And of course, I'm to believe that they are actually interested in dating me, or are actually interested in my well-being--you know, since they're black and so am I. Stick together, no? It's sickening, and it serves absolutely no purpose. None. If anything, it potentially has the exact opposite reaction of what I believe these idiots are attempting to elicit. Why in God's name I would ever associate with someone so insecure and threatened by others that he is compelled to force me to notice his discomfort. Whatever happened to simply minding your own business? It would be different if myself or my SOs actually instigated an issue with these people. Under no circumstances have I, or will I, ever be remotely interested in other people's perspectives to that extent. Another factor which influences this behavior is the CLASS of men I'm dating. There is almost a direct correlation between the social/financial/academic standing of my SOs, and the vitriol thrown at them by some black men. I almost want to ask, hey, have you ever thought that a reason you *don't* have a better life is because you choose to occupy your time with useless and dehumanizing activities? And they think they're actually affecting my life, or that of my SO. I honestly don't understand why some black men have a single word to say to me about my dating a white man. I don't go bothering vegetarians, telling them that they're asinine for not eating meat. I get the historical and political racial tensions in America. I get why my decision may make someone upset. But honestly? Tell me the difference between a black man throwing punches at my white SO because he's white and I'm black...and a Neo-Nazi throwing punches at a black man? And I don't want to hear the worn-out definitions of power constructs and institutionalized racism. I get that. And it comes down to the same basic self-hatred and intolerance of difference.

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    • newbganing says:
      Posted: 23 Feb 12

      WOW!!!! U said mouth full....Y can't a person love and receive love from whomever...The bottomline is -in R u paying my bills :=)..I totally agree with you

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  41. Posted: 16 Jan 12

    I am from the caribbean and i know black from not. That woman( Paula patton ) Is NOT black!! she may be half white or a mulatto but she would NOT fit into the category of black here in the Caribbean. On another note date who you want but don't criticize.

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    • Honssolo says:
      Posted: 17 Jan 12

      Im with rastaman, "Date who you want and don't criticize" People will gravitate to mates who treat them well. Personally I think there is something to be said with respect to better behavior between black and white pairings.

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  42.   msheartflwr says:
    Posted: 15 Jan 12

    He never mentioned the dating preference of these wonderful Blackmen he's referring to. Blackmen tend to be only wonderful with other races. I prefer someone who feels I deserve the same thing. And whitemen seem to be the only ones that show that towards Black women.

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    • r3llim says:
      Posted: 16 Jan 12

      And the same can be said about black women being wonderful to only white men or non-black men. I can bet that you would never complain or raise your voice to the white men you date as you would at a black man. So please don't act like black women are unbaised to the way they'll treat a white man compared to a black man. Many black women don't want to admit that the relationship they have with white men is that of a subordinate/superior relationship. A lot of black women see white men as the ones that really run things in every aspect of life as opposed to dead beats they view black men to be. Plus they are competing with white women at this point so they aren't going to risk anything to upset their white spouse and destroy their last chance of living some part of white privillage. So of course you would refer to all black men as being traitors and monsters because to you all black men are your peers or rivals. So you can easily associate the worst members of us (rappers, drug dealers, dog fighter, addicts to white women, ect) as the general make-up of all black men because what are you losing in the end? Forget the nice guys, or men like Henry Louis Gates, Sylvester James Gates, or the like because to you black men are only good when present with another race of women. I swear I'm starting to think that black women are naturally incline to bash black men. Just pull whatever negative statement about black men out of their ass and just run with. There was no research or proof in your statement. I'll just think of it being second nature.

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      • 32Bookworm says:
        Posted: 16 Jan 12

        You're an idiot! My relationships with White men are definitely not where I'm in a subordinate position! And I have dated WM from doctors to tradesmen. There are more WM who have INTACT egos that do not need to be stroke constantly like BM. Personally Robin is full of sh*t to think there are 'plenty' of 'good' BM. No matter the actual numbers, in proportion to BW, there are not enough 'good' BM to go around! There are not enough BM period for every BW in America! I don't care about Robin's intentions, he clearly is attempting to gaslight BW to keep them in perpetual wait mode for BM. Who knows why? Maybe he does not want to alienate the BM who buy his music. Maybe he wants to cheer on the huge numbers of BW who are desperately waiting for a 'good' BM--so that they keep buying his music. Whatever! It's foul period. All you BM who are commenting on BW's IR relationships need to STFU!!! By it's very definition, the relationship DOES NOT CONCERN YOU!!! This is why I rarely read these stupid-a$$ articles.

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        • r3llim says:
          Posted: 17 Jan 12

          @ 32Bookworm, I said MANY NOT ALL BLACK WOMEN TREAT WHITE MEN BETTER THAN BLACK MEN. Regardless of how much class, education, and respect the black man presents himself because in the minds of those black women He will always be either a low down trifling dog, a wanna be rapper, the homeless man in the subway, a pimp, or whatever. There are black women that look at white men with more respect just as there are black men that worship the floor that white women walk on. The difference is there is no backlash or unacceptable when evaluating a BM/WW relationships or generalizing black men. Never. It is pretty much acceptable to stereotype and have negative views about black men especially from black women. Msheartflwr clearly had no problem formulating her view of black men having chivalry to only non-black women. But if a black man were to even say anything remotely like that about black women IR relationships then that person is going to receive heavy criticism (like I just did). My response was really geared to msheartflwr and had nothing to do with Robin Thicke. Nor did I mention anything about your past boyfriends or the ego of white men compared to black men which by the way you had no problem in stating that black men are inferior to white men in that regard. If I said something like that about black women would I get a pass from you? And I truly don’t care about black women who date outside their race just don’t bash black men. In fact I don’t mind black women bashing black men when they date non-black men just don’t be a hypocrite and demand some sympathy when black men say unfavorable things about you. Oh and by the way music sales as a whole are poor so I highly doubt that by him saying this would help his sales. And if you don’t want BM to not comment on BW IR relationships then for the love of god don’t comment on BM IR relationships. Stop bashing black men or spreading stereotypes about the kind of black men that who date certain women (non-black, white, or light skin).

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          • 32Bookworm says:
            Posted: 18 Jan 12

            Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead and try to backtrack now. That's why the most attractive, educated, successful BW are leaving BM as a collective behind. Pretty much all you have available to you are the BW who do not fit into mainstream society enough to attract men from the global village. The best and brightest BW of the next generation are leaving the hood and BM behind. More power to them! You're still an idiot

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          • reese says:
            Posted: 18 Jan 12

            I think you are both overstating the issue. There are so many bw I know who don't feel they can relate to white men because of this issue. And some black men who treat bw like queens. But I think somethings you are contributing don't have anything to do with race. the white men. Black women have the lowest ir rates so I think you are overstating the leaving bm as a collective. I think the problem lies there where black people believe that we can only love with another race. And start stereotyping each other as bad as or worst than non black people. We don't want to be stereotyped we can start by not doing it to each other. And come on do you really think Robin would of said yes bw should date outside because wm can take better care of them. No, he would of been crusifies. Not that it matters he is one man with an opinion. But if he is against ir couples does make me wonder why he is in one.

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          • NOPLAYER says:
            Posted: 19 Jan 12

            @ 32bookworm - I know I'll get a beatdown for this but I've got to put it out there. I’m just curious, if all of the most educated, attractive and successful BW are leaving BM behind as a collective, question, who will they go to? Do you think that white folks who are all ready facing a birth dearth (in America and in Europe) are going to take in all of these BW women at the expense of their own women? I know you’re pissed off but let’s think logically, ok. The women of an ethnic group pass on the culture, traditions, values, history, and (most important) the genetics of that group. Women are the first teachers of the children and they cement the social identity of that ethnic group, with that being said, in what way do you (and all these other BW that plan on leaving) expect to carry out the functions that I just mentioned for the ethnic groups you plan on running to? If white folks are afraid for their very genetic survival, what makes you think large numbers of their men will bring you and all these other BW in to darken up the very genetic pool that they’re trying to keep white? These people are a tiny global minority on the earth they constitute less than 10% of all people on the earth so what makes you think they can afford to take you and all these other BW in. These people are not trying to lose their identity in no shape, form or fashion ever if some of us wish we could lose ours. The other men from the global village, you know, the ones that the remaining BW that don’t fit enough into the main stream of society wouldn’t attract, what makes you think that they’d be any different than white men. Asians are very and I mean very ethnocentric in regards to IR dating / marriage, their culture and their values and I’m talking from the Arabs to the Pakistanis, so once again where does that leave you. If you can’t carry out the most critical cultural sustaining, ethnically reaffirming and reproductive functions in continuing the future of that group then why would the men of that group take you in and if they did, what would be your purpose? Think about that for a minute! Take into consideration all of the females from other ethnic groups that view the WM as the top pick, we can't deny it, he's on top (for the time being) in the social, political, economic and military areana, so it's safe to say that you'll face alot of competition. America is in an uproar because non white groups are not assimilating into the main stream of American culture or ideology, these groups are trying to hold on to their identities, their religions, social ideologies and their culture. White Americans are becoming more conservative than ever before and you might want to find out just what it is that they’re trying to CONSERVE, you might find out that it doesn’t include welcoming you into the fold, no matter how educated, assimilated, integrated, or ideologically indoctrinated you are. These men are not going to put you before their women, now some will date and some will even marry BW but not to the point that it would start to undermine the ethnic and cultural stability of their group. Please don’t think I’m making mockery of you and trying to come off like your feelings and your frustrations are not real because I know they are but at the same time I want you to think rationally. In closing, I’d hope that whatever BM have done to make you feel the way you do, you’ll release it and move on because if you don’t, you’ll take that poison into one relationship after another and as my grandma would say, “child, that’s not good for the soul!”

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          • r3llim says:
            Posted: 19 Jan 12

            First of all let me thank Reese for allowing me to read her comment before I wrote this. Even though she was critical of me as well, it did prevent me from just filling this comment with insults geared towards 69cumbucket. I mean 32Bookworm. I can’t remember all of what I had initially planned to say but it did involve something about hoping 32bookworm’s clitoris to somehow get caught in an electrical can opener, wishing she would get a hysterectomy (something think her mother should have considered before conceiving her) from stupidly sitting on bicycle with no seat, and a tidbit about dreaming of 32bookworm allowing Casey Anthony to babysit her future demon spawn. But I want to take the high road and have a mature conversation with her. I’m happy that the most attractive, educated, and successful BW are leaving us poor pathetic BM. Whatever will we do? I mean we do have the black women that haven’t graduated high school. How many BW does that make up like one… two… FIFTY PERCENT!!! That’s right 50% of BW are high school drop outs. So that’s not bad for us. But then there’s the number of black women with college education which is what about 19%. So I guess that 31% of BW with high school diplomas but no college education are stuck with black men. Those poor women. So we’re down to 19% of BW that have left me and the other black male bums. We’re only left as you’ve said the 81% of BW that can’t attract men at a global village. These women can’t fit into mainstream society but I’m sure they can attract deals in the mainstream media by playing the loud mouth, angry, sassy, head snapping, promiscuous and tacky stereotype of a BW. From Karrine “Superhead” Stephans, NeNe Leaks, to some basketball or rapper “wives”, to Omarosa (even though I don’t really see her as bad), or to Tiffany “New York” Pollard and a bunch of other BW fighting for Flava Flav or Ray Jay’s love. You can even throw in the loonies that appear on Jerry Springer or Maury. And let’s not forget Precious and those maids from “The Help” too. And those women are presented first to the global village before any of that 19% that is the best black women have to offer. So, 32Bookworm, while you are angry at black men and champion yourself in leaving us I suggest that you redirect some attention to the black women you apparently believes are inferior to her. But those women unable to enter mainstream society can still provide a distasteful first impression in the minds of those global villagers. Or how about direct some attention to the corporate executives that don’t hesitate to illustrate black women this unappealing. But that would require you to not have any way to blame BM. And let’s not get started on examining the 19% of college educated BW in comparison to the number of educated white and Asian women that are more educated, have very little negative stereotypes associated with them, and posses less of a stigma in being in a relationship with than a black person in general. Newt Gingrich and the like view black people as being welfare sponges so in their eyes a black woman is still a welfare queen no matter how educated she may be. And let’s not forget the Dr Laura incident where even non-black men will have family members with racist objections of having their son or nephew to date a BW. And the women you say can’t enter mainstream society and are stuck in the hood can still be exposed to those global villagers most likely as being service workers. So who is to say that those women will give him a general opinion of black women because they may not come off as loose, excuse me, posed as you worked hard to be. And while the best and brightest BW (probably have a$$-wipe degrees like sociology or third tier degrees like paralegal assistant and human resources) are leaving the hood and BM behind know that just because you’re taken out of the hood doesn’t mean that you were able to take the hood out of you. At least that is in the minds of some of those global villagers. Just like James Watson stated that Africans were inferior because of what he perceived to be primitive culture so will other races might fear in you contaminating their cultures with the “hood”. They might be afraid to have a relationship with those women out of fear that they will have a black son that you and other women feel are poisonous. Or produce a daughter that is one of the black women that are trapped in the hood you ran far from. If you feel that the hood and BM are a disease that the best are running from then know that you are the carrier of that disease. And let’s not get started on whether the 19% fit the accepted standard of beauty for black women based on the media: light skin, very slim, ambiguous Caucasian like features. Now after all that was said do I discourage black women from dating out? NO,NO, AND NO. Not once have I ever said that black women should wait on black men. If you are dissatisfied with black men then leave. Go. But don’t kid yourself into thinking by you dating non-BM that you’re hurting us as a whole. Tell 32Bookworm how does it feel knowing that while the best and brightest black women are dating non-black who are at most their peers, there are still less mediocre and less educated white and Asian women that are capable taking the best white men have to offer. How does it feel to know that you needed a master’s degree to have an attending physician when Ashley and Mai Ling can barely read but can get a multimillionaire husband? I may be an idiot in your mind but I’m not the delusional one here.

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          • 32Bookworm says:
            Posted: 19 Jan 12

            @NoPlayer Since, you're not a BW, and you're on an interracial dating website. YOU DON'T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT IT! So, I'm not going to waste my time. Btw, why do you feel the need to share to everyone upfront that you're not a player? for NORMAL men, that's the 'default setting' for them. 70% of WM are married, while only a paltry 35% of BM are married -- check the 2010 US census! So, among NORMAL people, (which by ya'lls marriage rate excludes most BM). most of us assume guys are 'not a playa' until proven otherwise. In my experience, people who deny ANYTHING the most are the ones that are participating! What's up with that? Also, don't try to imply that my description makes BW out to be not normal. All NORMAL people know the man asks a woman to marry him the majority of the time, so the man in effect determines the marriage rate!

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          • 32Bookworm says:
            Posted: 19 Jan 12

            @NoPlayer I just love all the lengthy 'reasons (gaslighting bull sh-t)' you're giving as you try to deny the obvious. BW IR marriage rate has increased by 50% in the last 5 years alone! BW IN AMERICA DO NOT NEED 'DROVES' OF MEN WILLING TO MARRY US. Every BW only needs one Quality man willing to marry, provide, and raise a family with her. We're only 6% of the population. WM make up approx. 24% of the population. That's a whole lotta dudes to just find one man. Not to mention other races, not to mention all the global opportunities that open up on the internet. BW, who ya'll gonna believe. "NoPlayer (yeah right)" or the success stories on this website. Sistas who look just like you and me are marrying UP AND OUT ladies!

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          • Reese says:
            Posted: 20 Jan 12

            at 3riiim you are just being silly now. When you quote all these stats about bw's education rates I noticed that you left bm's out. You do know that we are mored educated, have more high school graduate and have higher high school graduation. And using those black women to blame for bad representation or acting as if she has some control when there are many bw who don't behave that way who don't get represented all day long. It is like me saying talk to Terrence Howard, Kobe Bryant, Tiger Woods, etc when you say black men aren't players. And worst injecting your mother into the argument to excuse your so called bad behavior and bring in Obama and his white mother. Hilter's mother was white and what does that mean. Everyone is responsible for themselves and what about the dad's who aren't around. If it is not hurting you in a whole why are you so angry regarding it. Black men who say they don't date bw for whatever reason don't get this reaction from me. They are no more to blame for stereotypes than you are. Especially when most of them don't even know 100 black people. But you were initially upset because the first girl wrote that the black men probaby prefered non bw and it is just an opinion. And she didn't say anyhing really negative. She just stated that those men would probably not be availible to us. How is that any different than hearing women say all the good ones are taken or they must be gay. I think you kind of blew this out of proportion. And I will say this to everyone on here commenting negatively about bw/bm. If they see the bm or bw as a niger that 99.999% she the black counterpart as one too. So please stop pointing fingers at each other because all you do in reinforce the stereotype and make us all look bad. You know what they are saying is that they cannot even get along with each other. All of this lack of respect that you think society has for bw is also there for bm.

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        • CoolSimone45 says:
          Posted: 19 Jan 12

          To 32Bookworm, I agree everything that you have said wholeheartedly. I don't think any bw should specifically wait for a bm, or they will wait and wait, and wait. I know many sisters that approached the big 50 waiting for that quintessential bm. It is ridiculous. BM have always dated outside the race. For many years, I have heard bw state that they are waiting for a good black man. Whereas bm would state that they just wanted a good woman and made it clear that she did not have to be black. This was some of the popular lingo back in the day. Thank God, bw are waking up and knowing and believing that we deserve love too and that we do not always have to be alone waiting on 'him', and that a good man is a good man period! I cheer you on my sista!!!

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          • 32Bookworm says:
            Posted: 19 Jan 12

            Why thanks for the support! God bless you and I hope you find what you are looking for!

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      • msheartflwr says:
        Posted: 17 Jan 12

        I am a sensitive person and when I get hurt I walk away I don't won't to talk about what's hurting me right away. So that raising my voice thing doesn't apply to me. So you think I would accept anything than to disagree with a White Man? Nope that one doesn't apply to me either. I know my self worth. I'm on an interracial dating site if that were true I could be with someone now. I believe White Men treat ME with more respect and as a woman. I even get more compliments from WM when I wear my hair natural Lol. I don't feel competitive with White Women at all because what I have found When a White Man wants a Black Woman he wants a Black Woman. Maybe a Black Woman that only wants a Black Man may feel competitive with a White Woman. Funny you mentioned that there are plenty of Black Women that look at a Black Mans relationship with a White Woman as subordinate/superior relationship But not that you are running things more that you see her as a prize that you finally have something a White Man has and that BM wouldn't raise their voices or abuse a White Woman because they are afraid of losing her to a White Man that has everything to offer her. So it can go both ways at how interracial relationships are seen. I've never said Black Men were traitors or monsters. My Dad was a wonderful Southern Black Gentleman that adored and respected his wife/my mother and his children and he loved and provided for us until death did him part. And I am looking for the same thing. Do you find yourself defending Black Woman in discussions that are usually stereotypical against BW? But I forgot you used it in your very own. comment. Not all blackwomen raise their voices and complain. But Woman of all races could.

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        • r3llim says:
          Posted: 17 Jan 12

          So I guess I was wrong about you not being loud and raising your voice because you’re a black woman. I’ll try to remember NOT TO GENERALIZE about black women in the future. You may not see yourself being submissive to a white man but guess what: there are a lot of black women who want a more cooperative with white men then they are with black men. And many of those women are competing with white and other women because in their minds they believe a white man has enough power and authority to get any women not just black women. If a white man picks those black women then it gives them validation that they are not ugly or unattractive. Also I as a black man agree with everything with you said about the relationships between many black men and white women. I can agree that those black men are tight roping just as the black women I’ve mentioned. But the thing is black women have a freedom to generalize and stereotype black men more than black men can. When I made that statement about some black women, I’m suddenly forbidden from saying it. But obviously you didn’t expect any backlash from your comment about black men. From my experience I have seen black women like this just as you’ve seen white men compliment you natural hair. Also I have to ask this: whenever black women say things about natural hair and white men do those women wear their hair like that in front of black men? Or do they assume that black men won’t show any interest because WE LUVZ US SUM WHYTE WOMANZ. And how do you know if those white men find your hair as an exotic fetish in the same way some men like feet or tattoos? I’m sure there are white men that truly appreciate black women and their hair. But don’t claim to believe that all white men are like that. And that’s my issue. The minority of white men that like black women get generalized as being better than black men who in your mind as a whole are represented as the worst stigmas about them. Your father may have been a “wonderful Southern Black Gentleman” but please know that if he were alive millions of other black women like you would generalize your father as being some type of scum without ever trying to know him. Those women will make the same judgments to your possible son, uncle, nephew, brother, or any males within your family. You think you’re the only black woman that feels negatively about black men? Who gets one compliment from a white man, gets excited and now thinks she’s better than black men. To those black women your father’s goodness may just be an anomaly or just in your imagination. And they will examine him under a microscope and determine what flaws he may have. They need just one to say your father is descent but inferior to white men. He’s just one notch above being an angry, wife beating, disrespectful black male garbage. At least the white man will compliment your hair and will be 100% perfect.

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          • sweetieflwr says:
            Posted: 18 Jan 12

            I really am not going to go back an forth because BM used their choice to whom they want to date. And now BW have the same choices and that's what I'm doing. I can make an opinion because the article was stating that Thick was saying to BLACK WOMEN that WE should know their are wonderful BM out there. I have a right to have an opinion about whats directed at me. You don't seem to be to concern about his opinion how there are so many wonderful BM out there that can be a false statement as well but it was what you wanted to hear so you had no opinion. the only opinion I care about is the one you said about my father, uncles and my children. I can say that plenty of Woman I have seen and known got to know my father from the neighborhood from stores to churches.. I can truly say not one thought of my Dad as no more than a Kind, Wonderful Gentleman because thats what he truly was I don't have to say anything about my uncles because they were raised by their Dad/My Grandad and Grandmother who taught them to be Gentleman. I already doubt much negativity will be directed towards (if any will disappear) my teen sons are already heart throbs because they are also Gentleman that respect women of all colors. I made sure to teach them not to fall into stereotypes about BW. My son has been to the prom with a Blck young woman and hes going again with another Black young woman he doesn't hes just starting to date, I believe how negatively you are preceived by BW has more todo with how you treat a Black Women. which my sons are already doing a wonderful job treating BW(well all women) from old to young as Ladies which tru Gentlemen do. I teach them to treat all women with respect and as a Lady it shouldn't be based on a skin color. They would'nt run to open a door for a WW while letting a BW open it alone.

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          • sweetieflwr says:
            Posted: 18 Jan 12

            I forgot to mention no I don't wear my hair only in front of White men natural. I had a feeling someone would think that. So many WM have said they like the natural beauty of BW. Your funny that you assume I got one compliment from A WM. I said complimentS. Just the BM sterotype kicking in that assumes BW can only get one compliment and only about one thing from another race of men. Us Poor little needed BW take one little compliment N JUS GO A RUNNIN WIT IT.

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          • r3llim says:
            Posted: 19 Jan 12

            @ sweetieflwr, You might be right about the stereotypical BM in me kicking in on me and for that I must apologize. I guess it must come from me being raised by a stereotypical black woman and you know unfit they are as mothers. Nowhere near the level of love and care expressed by white mothers. For instance a single black woman can only raise her son to be a gang banger. But a single white mother can raise a son to be a Harvard Law School graduate and sit in the oval office. Barry O comes to mind. I don’t have as high hopes for what my non-black wife (that I treat like a goddess) would raise our child to be but I’m sure he or she will be a success. Can’t say the same for a child under your care because… well you know. Maybe your white husband knows a white nanny or a tree stump to give better care when you’re not able to. Just a thought.

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          • Reese says:
            Posted: 20 Jan 12

            Or maybe it is the type of women they choose or the man that they choose. White men seem to be less concerned with big butts, skin complextion. I won't say they are less shallow they seem to be more concerned with weight. But I think that is part of it with the black men too. Alot of the brothers who don't have swag can't get a date with some sisters and they tend to treat somen better than the players. I mean how does Whoopi Goldberg treat bm the world may never know because they aren't interested in women like her. Maybe she treats them like gods. There are alot of factors and everyone dates ir for different reasons. Also the white men they are dating in general are in better financial position if you look at the statistics with bw/wm relationships so maybe it is more about power and money. I mean if you look at bw/bm or ww/wm in relationships where the man has more money I would say that they are probably treated differently. The reality is that money and power are big factors not only in attracting women, but in getting respect. Just like with men's first and main attracter's are shape and beauty.

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      • 32Bookworm says:
        Posted: 19 Jan 12

        @r3llim (whatever the f*ck that name means - LOL) FUNNY! LOL! Hey, if you come on the board accusing BW of being submissive to WM, then prepare to get raked over the coals. Since you're an idiot, I'm done with conversing with you. Like I said, I rarely read these stupid-a$$ articles and since BM are not on my radar, I wouldn't even wipe my a$$ with your opinion. Hope you find what you are looking for. BW like me are OUT.

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        • 32Bookworm says:
          Posted: 19 Jan 12

          I meant women like me - who wear a size 8, owns two houses, and has three degrees - are OUT.

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          • NOPLAYER says:
            Posted: 20 Jan 12

            ROTFLMAO - Very impressive, very impressive and with all that said, your still single? So that means you've been beat out by sistas that wear a size12, are paying house notes or renting, and they may have nothing more than a high school diploma but the one thing they got that you don't, is a husband. If you're all that as you say and BM are so much less, why haven't your "white knight" in shining amor accompanied you to the alter or the court house? I'm called NOPLAYER because of my lack of game when it come to running game on women, that's what the fellows call me, so what, big deal, I'm not looking for nobody on here. You've thrown sh*t on BM as a whole and you've belittled BW (the ones that aint on your level but are still black like you) so I'll tell you what, I have no problem with you going else where, I'm glad your hateful a** is taking it else where because we don't need it and since no one asian, wht or others have married you they must not want it either. I've never came on this site and trashed BW as a whole but you have opened up on BM so I feel no shame for kicking dirt back on you. The statistics tell both side of the story, all these mean from other ethnic groups are marry all right but I believe they marry more of their own women, so now that your leaving, go aggitate the gravel and let the door hit you in the ass on your way out, oh and one more thing baby don't leave mad, just leave! 32Bookworm you are a clown, size 8, homes paid for, 3 dregrees and all but still a clown!

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          • r3llim says:
            Posted: 20 Jan 12

            (Gasps) CLUTCH THE PEARLS. Do you mean black women such as yourself are out of my league? Oh Lordie Lordie. What iz I'm gonna doo? I guess I must say good bye to those 14 black women that are as whorenificient as yourself. The actual count is really 13 but I’m still debating on whether your gonorrhea counts an actual person. I mean you do have a lot of it nesting in that wilderness between your legs to apply for social security. But I guess I'll say bon voyage. I'll try to keep my spirits as positive as your HIV results. But since you asked about what my name, r3llim, actually means then I'll answer it for you. It’s merely a play on my middle name Miller (you see because it’s backwards and the 3 is used instead of... oh never mind. You can figure it out you college gal). Just like 32Bookworm is a play on how you give blowskis behind public libraries (no Amber Cole). You still charge $32 dollars right? And try to remember to wear knee pads.

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          • 32Bookworm says:
            Posted: 20 Jan 12

            @NoPlayer and r3llim Well, I guess you told me off! I'm off to lick my wounds and cry -- boohoo me! I notice you did not dispute ANY of my stats. That's fine. The world knows the real clowns overall is the typical American BM; don't hate the messenger. With BW getting 2 out of every 3 degrees in the Black Community, making 70% of the wealth, raising 80% of the children......need I go on? NORMAL people see your collective as the losers they are and wonder why BW stuck with ya'll so long. You can talk about me all you want, but THE STATISTICS SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES. I did not trash BM--your own collective behavior speaks for you! You two are the ones throwing dirt. Since you're a BM and not on my radar, don't worry about why I'm single! It's so funny that BM like you two throw that out when you have no argument points left. As if being single is worse than marrying a guy who does not meet my standards and is not on my level. I guess I would be better off if I would have begged any po' BM to marry my a$$ and help him raise all of his scattered illegitimate children! I'm happily single until I meet the one Quality guy that is for me! I never compromise in life or love. I hope you both find what you're looking for; since I'm 80% sure it's not a BW. Please leave us alone!

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          • 32Bookworm says:
            Posted: 20 Jan 12

            @NoPlayer and r3llim I want to THANK YOU TWO for giving me the opportunity to show people around the world the extreme narcissim and hostility the typical BM shows to BW. BM get rabidly, hysterically emotional whenever ANYONE points out the truth of their sorry collective behavior; and they LOVE to fight BW. I hope BW who are new to IR are taking notes. No use fighting their rabidness--they are bigger and louder than we are. They also have nothing to do, it's not like they're busy getting degrees and stuff..... I believe these two would probable choke me to death right now! At least 80% of BM will never take any responsibility for anything pertaining to BM/BW marriage and family. 65% of BM will never take responsibility for raising their own sons--no matter who the mother is! What kind of 'man' is that? It's best for BW to hunt for marriage-minded men amongst other races. No one is saying there's a 'horde' of nonBlack men willing to marry Black women, but there's enough of them. Most WM who are attracted to BW are not measuring the texture of our hair, our skin shade, etc.; basically all the unique traits that make us Black against a Eurocentric standard which will always find us wanting. I've never had a problem with a WM over how I wear my hair, getting a tan in the summer--can we say the same of BM? As a matter of fact, I've had a number of QUALITY WM tell me they prefer extremely dark BW! Dark-skinned BW wake up! Someone actually prefers your beautiful skin tone over ALL OTHERS. Someone loves your West African features! How many BM tell you that? I don't take it personally when WM tell me what they prefer, because I know there's enough of them to go around, and I like the fact a smart dark-skinned BW will snatch him up and have a healthy, happy family.

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        • 32Bookworm says:
          Posted: 20 Jan 12

          Ever notice why Mainstream Media is not running stories on why BM overwhelmingly do not marry the mother of their children and raise their sons to be men? I guess a story like that would be RACIST but another story telling BW we're sorry is just news. The same BW who raise 80% of Black kids alone, who make up and tithe 60-80% of the money going into Black churches, who do the majority of donating to NAAACP and Negro College fund, who support Tyler Perry's bullsh-t, etc, etc....yeah something is wrong with the only strings that are tying the Black Community together! I cut my string a long time ago; ladies cut yours. Back to the article; Robin identifies with BM and sympathizes with them. Notice he did not make any positive points like I did about BW as a collective. To me, that makes him a loser.

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          • NOPLAYER says:
            Posted: 21 Jan 12

            You said I didn’t dispute the statistics but I did. I went on to show how the numbers don’t tell the whole story and how the reader has to go in and get the truth behind the numbers. If 42% of BW are unmarried the numbers don’t explain “why”, they just state the percentage. They don’t state the number of BW between the ages of 18 to 24 that may be in college and want to finish before marrying, those that delay marriage until later, those that are lesbian, incarcerated or those that chose not to marry period. They leave it to the reader to look for the facts behind the numbers. Since you’re of the opinion that BM aint sh*t anyway, the last thing you desired was to look beyond the numbers. If I wanted to be negative, I could look at those number and say, “yeah they’re all lesbians, they’re stuck up, they don’t want BM, they’re promiscuous, on and on non-stop. If had a personal agenda to do so I could take those numbers and run with them, I could write books and articles, either for the purpose of trying get to “the cause” behind those numbers or I could use them for the purpose of misinforming the public or trying to make BW feel bad about themselves, so it’s not entirely about the numbers, it’s what you decide to do with them. I’m not about to form an opinion about BW based on some numbers. All the numbers that you quoted about BM, some of those same realities apply to BW, maybe in smaller numbers but they apply. I don’t have enough hatred in me for BW to take those numbers and start generalizing all BW. I try to look at the bigger picture to see what’s really going on but you don’t have it in you to do the same in relation to BM and that’s ok, you feel the way you feel, so be it. As for me showing the world my hatred for BW, how is that? I only defended me and BM from your beat down. I never called BW an embarrassment or losers, nor did I imply that other women were better than BW and I “never said” that I’ve cut my strings to the blk community but you said all these things in regards to BM, so who expressed their hatred for who? You’ve never seen where I’ve said something like that but I’ve seen where you and other BW said those things. You’re right, BM shouldn’t come on an IR site and then criticize BW for their preferences. Majority of the time the drama starts with some BW talking down on us and soon as we defend ourselves, they start with the “they hating on us - they don’t want nobody else to have us - they’ve got double standards BS!” That’s a smoke screen and a way to throw a rock and hide your hand. If I came on here and started downing BW in comparison with non BW, I’d be a damn fool not to expect BW to jump all over my ass, why wouldn’t you expect to same? Question, why don’t those in the media “equally” talk about “their own” marriage dodgers, dead beat dads, philanderers, high school drop outs, child molesters / rapist, nut cases and criminals? After quoting the negative numbers where BM are concerned, why didn’t you mention their numbers, are they so pure and clean? You saved that bullet for BM, so once again who’s shown their hatred for who? Please by all means date / marry who you want, we’re both free to exercise our options. God is my witness, I’m not hating on you I just hate it when you spit on BM in general.

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    • NOPLAYER says:
      Posted: 17 Jan 12

      Just because you may not have found a BM that treats you wonderful doesn't give you the right to make crazy generalizations about the majority of us. Your comments are so typical. BM are married to BW more than anything other ethnic group of women, so what are you talking about? Maybe it's just easier to deal with the fact that you haven't found a good BM by throwing up your hands in fustration and swearing up and down "they all want WW or Latinas, they're gay or bi-sexual, locked up, dead or on drugs. If that does it for you, then ok. Go on and date who you want and be happy but don't try to group BM together.

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      • reese says:
        Posted: 17 Jan 12

        I agree that not all black men are bad. And chances are that black women are more likely to marry black in statistics. But how do you get that black men are married more to black women than other races. When black women and men both have the highest single rates and children are more likely to be raised in a single unmarried home. There is higher % of men and women in every race that is married almost. There is not a higher % of blacks married than any other race atleast not in America. We are the lowest.

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        • 32Bookworm says:
          Posted: 19 Jan 12

          Sweetie, He means out of the paltry few BM that get married - 35%, the majority of them are married to BW. Technically, he's right. Check this out. According to 2010 census, only 35% of BM are married, half than the second lowest group--WM of whom 70% are married. Stats are even higher for AM, Indian men, etc. They're in the 80's and 90's! 14% are married IR. What does that mean to BW? 8 OUT OF 10 BM WALKING AROUND TODAY WILL NOT MARRY YOU. I don't care about the reasons. Black people can rationalize the sh-t out of the stats all they want. Bottom line is BM are not marrying anyone in the majority and 80% will not marry a BW. WW out there......BM in the aggregate are not marrying ANYONE. Now BW's children, over 90% of them are monoracially Black. BM are fathering the vast majority of our children. So far, I've only talked about stats. What can you imply from 80% of BM not marrying BW, but fathering almost all of our children? Sounds to me like BW are only good for one thing to majority BM. Btw, I do not have any children, illegitimate or not. I personally have nothing against BM (except the ones who are idiots!). I see the chaos that usually occurs when male children are not raised by their fathers. I've been robbed by one of those clueless BB. BM are an embarassment to themselves. Men ask women to marry them; men raise boys to be productive members of society. Everybody else on the planet knows this. Developing countries where people don't even own the dirt they're sitting on and are renting the clothes on their back have higher marriage rates than BM. What are BM's excuse? That's why NOONE takes them seriously, especially me. BW who want a healthy, intact family, get a clue! I know I will get some flack for this post. I don't care about what people say; I look at what they do. The stats are what they are, I'm a realist, Black people's dirty laundry has already been aired (by a BM in a book no less!), so don't hate the messenger.

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          • 32Bookworm says:
            Posted: 19 Jan 12

            BTW, I wish more single Asian men lived near me. Talk about a culture that raises its boys to be great fathers and husbands. Emphasis on education, saving for a rainy day, highest percentage of the population who own their own businessess, low-key and conservative........BW, who live in areas where are significant numbers of Asian men...take a good look! I know other cultures have racism and colorism issues but I know quite a few BW happily married to Asian men. I'm giving a shoutout to all the Asian men who are quietly handling their own business everyday! Boy, I wish more of you were in the my area.

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          • 32Bookworm says:
            Posted: 19 Jan 12

            Just wanted to clarify my stats: 35% of BM married 14% BM married IR

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          • sweetieflwr says:
            Posted: 21 Jan 12

            32Bookworm, I knew it was Bad for BM/BW marriage but had no clue it was that bad. You did your research. More BW should look into those stats. You've said it all. Probably some of those BW who only date BM were the ones asking for the marriage. I've been told that's what's happening now. Like you said I feel the same way I am done this is no concern of anyone elses. I homeschooled my sons in their elementary years now they are soaring in school honor student and taught my sons to be wonderful men like my father. And I hear many complements about my wonderful sons. I am thankful that I will have positive BM out there someday when they are gettting Married and if a BW who only dates BM finds my sons they will have found a needle in a haystack but yes they will have two wonderful positve BM who WILL treat their BW with love and respect. None of the lies will effect me I think the anthem for BM/BW relationships are independent women. Do everything for yourself without any support from your man but fulfill his needs as if you were his wife but don't expect to really be one. WM seem to believe in love,protection and marriage for who they love independent woman or homemaker. What BW doesn't want to be loved, respected and cared for unconditionally. I know it's what I'm looking for. And I also agree more BW should give themselves more choices. Plenty of BM won't date Darker BW were WM will marry BW with dark skin ( I wish that I could post pics) they love BW, as I said before, for who they are naturally. by the way 32Bookworm many blessing on your future marriage.

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  43. Posted: 15 Jan 12

    Date who you desire......What is Black? What is White? American terms of ignorance and segregation.

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    • NOPLAYER says:
      Posted: 17 Jan 12

      It’s always black and white because it’s been that way from day one and it will not change no time soon, as much as we don’t like it and wish it would go away, it wont. This is a very much a reality in America and to think otherwise is insanity. Do you think race and skin color would be as so prevalent in this society unless it benefited a certain segment of society? If they felt that it was harmful to them and a threat to the nation as a whole they would spare no cost to get rid of it. Example, whenever there’s an outbreak of some disease that poses a serious health threat, they work around the clock to identify those infected, to contain and quarantine them until they can find a vaccine or until those infected died but they’d do everything they could to stop the spread. The reality of race and skin color is there because it works to the advantage of some while it works against others, if it didn’t they would’ve put a stop to a long time ago.

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      • bigeyes31 says:
        Posted: 17 Jan 12

        I agree with you . In America, color is embedded in everything,our entire society so to throw it off as though we could so easily is insanity and definitely not grounded in reality. Only someone not born and raised in this country would say such a thing.

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  44.   Starr083 says:
    Posted: 15 Jan 12

    Actually...Paula Patton has a white mother, not a white father. She is also said to be estranged from her black father. So Noplayer, your theory on them (particularly Paula) isnt entirely apt.

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    • NOPLAYER says:
      Posted: 15 Jan 12

      @ Starr083 - I apologize if I'm wrong but I quoted an article I read on google somewhere but I'll try to get my facts straight before I put them out there in the future. It wasn't my intention to down play her or be disrespectful in anyway. Respectfully

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  45.   reese says:
    Posted: 14 Jan 12

    I find it funny that he talks about black women's experience when he is married to a biracial bw whose mother is biracial as well. She could pass for something else. She doesn't even look black like Halle Berry. I find it odd that he talks about understanding her journey when she could pass. I thought his statements were insulting to bw and wm.

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    • NOPLAYER says:
      Posted: 15 Jan 12

      Reese-- What does her bing bi-racial, not looking blk like Halle and being able to pass for thing else was to do with her husband at least making an effort to understand her experiences as a BW? Her experiences are just as real and valid as the darkest BW, the degree of these experiences may vary but it's an experince none the least. Hats off to her husband for trying to understand what she goes through as a BW because, he may understand how sick some of these racist people are and that no BW regardless of how wealthy, educated or famous escapes the attacks upon her self-image. I aint feeling you on this one but I aint mad at cha!

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      • reese says:
        Posted: 15 Jan 12

        What is has to do with it. My point is how much of a black experience can she have if people don't even know she is black. My point is that Halle will atleast be treated as black because she looks it. There is a difference if you look black or don't. Anybody could be black but if they don't look it how much black experience do they really have?

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        • Hanatokoi says:
          Posted: 16 Jan 12

          Have you never actually seen Paula apart from this photo? She's clearly bi-racial and/or not white...

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          • reese says:
            Posted: 16 Jan 12

            I seen her first in the movie with Densel Washington and she wasn't clearly biracial to me. I was thinking she was something like a Kim K. or something.

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        • NOPLAYER says:
          Posted: 17 Jan 12

          From Paula’s looks she could pass for a Latina at best but a WW? Not a chance! She could face some of the same obstacles as her darker sisters, she could be passed over for a job if she had to compete against a WW or a property owner could refuse to rent to her, particularly if they think her husband or boyfriend is a BM. Looking like a Latina wouldn’t do her any justice either because some of them face the same thing. I’m not denying she may not get followed around in department stores as often as a darker skinned BW or her light skin in some cases my not give her an advantage on the dating scene when it comes to some BM (notice I said SOME) and their preference for light skinned BW but I’m sure she’s faced some of the same BS as all non WW face in a country owned, ran and operated by sick racist people. In closing, she may get a double dose of the BS because of how hateful some of us (blk people) are towards other black people due to our own hang-ups over skin color. Lord knows some of us are hateful as hell. I’ve never heard another people curse each other with their own skin complexions like we do. When we insult each other our skin color always comes into play, it’s not enough to say “get away from me with your stupid ass”, we’ll go further a say “get away from me with your stupid black ass!” Why do we add the skin color to the insult? Because subconsciously some of us hate our racial features and after insulting you what better way to rub it in than to remind you of the very thing that you wish you could forget.

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        • Cheerful2011 says:
          Posted: 04 Feb 12

          Reese I agree..My children are biracial and they have not experience the racism that I have experienced! Thank god! I do teach my children to embrace their black background..

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      • scandiblond says:
        Posted: 26 Jan 12

        Thumbs up!!

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    • Anassah says:
      Posted: 05 Feb 12

      I love that fact that us Beautiful black women are broadening our dating scope and dating other other complextions of the human race.....Good job ladies!!!! Who said you have to be with a black man. You need to date a human who will love you.... Simple! When your dating scope is so small you set yourself up for failure. I do understand that balck men are the most attractive men on the planet. so the are saught out by many ....OK that doesnt mean that other complexions/culture aren't attractive...... My advice is working on you first. Be defined in who you are and please by all means be pleasant not stupid.... Know who your heaveny Father is and when you interested in someone ask him to reveal who and what his intentions are..... you must love you first, and you must be lovable..... Ladies argueing sucks! you have to learn to be slow to speak, quick to listen and be slow to anger. be forgiving always. being forgiving does not mean being stupid. it mean to let it go and not revisit the stuff you said you forgive your man for. I have learned over the years that agueing does not work! i have learned to sugest and walk away and pray that God will give him the anwser and i promise it always worked. Wish you ladie the best in finding your mate. Much love ! and Mr. NOPLAYERT its not a conspiracy. Sister just want a fair chance to be loved. P.S.................... after reading all your comments..................Why are you up here???? Confusion.....NOPLAYER!

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      • NOPLAYER says:
        Posted: 06 Feb 12

        @ Anassah - The name was given to be by the guys, they say I have no game none whats so ever when it comes to women and thats cool with me but at this age and stage in my life I'm too busy to play games, I got bills to pay and groceries to buy, trust me it's not a pick up line! What is it in my post that would make you wonder why I’m here? Yes I’m critical of the media, I’ll call a spade a spade, I don’t like the division between BM and WM and I’m defensive of my ethnic group. Does this somehow make me the bastard child of the IR family? (LMAO) I thought it was all about openness, transparency and freedom of thought. I didn’t think to be for IR I had to turn a blind eye to issues that affect AA especially this manufactured rift between BM and BW. I didn’t think I had to adopt this go-along-to- get along mentality to be able to relate to other people. I’ve been referred to as radical and divisive, as if we were all “one big happy family” until I arrived the scene. I’ve never tried to confine BW to BM or BM to non BW, we’re all adults and we’re free to make our own choices. I get into trouble because I call it as I see it and because I’m not trying to win nobody over I don’t have to sugar coat what I say. At the end of the day we all have our opinions, we wont agree with everything posted but as intelligent adults we can keep what we can use and discard the rest. As far as the conspiracy, maybe it's not from your end but I'm well aware that the devil never sleeps. God bless and I hope you do find love and true love at that!!!! I think I'll change my name to NOHATER

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  46.   bigeyes31 says:
    Posted: 14 Jan 12

    Finally, a wonderfully positive article. I loved it.

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  47.   libbykush says:
    Posted: 14 Jan 12

    i do believe that there good black men out there.my papa is one of them but this days especially in my country they are becoming worse as the days goes by.but as for me i do believe my white guy is out there

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  48. Posted: 14 Jan 12

    Love the article.

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    • nokirk says:
      Posted: 14 Jan 12

      I realy wish i could say that NOPLAYER is full of it but most of what he says is true. Im white and was married to a black woman for 7 years and some interacial dating honestly leave a foul taste in my mouth. My coments will be mostly about the emotional part of IR dating, NOPLAYER said everything there is to say about the politics. Let me say that im in no way against IR dating and will most likely date a black woman again. IR daters have to have their heads screwed on right though, who you choose to date has to be based on personality. Physical attraction do matter though, some are more atracted a hair color, some to a skincolor. Anyone who date other races for the novelty value needs to take a deep look into themselfes and realise that it's wrong to toy with other persons feelings. Sex is a whole diferent thing though (that could be just about physical stuff), if a white guy want to get laid with a black woman, find one who wanna get laid whit a white guy and it's as easy as that, emotionaly detatched sex. ( for the record, im not into bootycalls or one night stands even though im not judging those who are).

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      • nokirk says:
        Posted: 14 Jan 12

        Forgot one thing " That is one way for them to wipe out their guilts and future karmic consequences." You cant date anyone out of guilt or to make peace and right between black and white. I date out of love, not solidarity with anyone or any race.

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        • Arealwoman52 says:
          Posted: 16 Jan 12

          I like what you said, you presented it very well, The only thing I have to say Is I have no problem with either, because the heart knows no color anf you can not help who you fall in love with. It does not matter whether the man is black, white blue or green, it will be with the man who fills my heart, and soul, because if the love for the man is not in your heart, you might as well forget about it. There has to be Love and Respect.

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      • NOPLAYER says:
        Posted: 15 Jan 12

        I've always said, I can lie and you can lie but the history is want it is. IR dating is no different than regular dating in the respect that people bring their garbage along with them when they start dating IR. The hang-ups, the drama, the unhealed wounds and somestimes the addictions are bought along for the ride. I agree, people should keep it real and make their intentions known up front. People should make it known if: They'll date IR but don't plan to marry IR They're only out to satisfy a sexual curiousity They're not looking to establish a committed relationship They like you but they don't care too much for those from your ethnic group. Oh yeah, you got those out there that think it's possible to love and desire you but cant stand those that look like you. It's better that you know these things upfront so at least you know what you're dealing with and their wont no surprises. Respect the other person enough to give them the the choice to decide if they can get with your program are not.

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        • Arealwoman52 says:
          Posted: 16 Jan 12

          I agree with what you said, and I like your ideas about IR, but like I said earlier, as long as there is Love and Respect you have a chance no matter what color the person is.

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          • NOPLAYER says:
            Posted: 18 Jan 12

            You 100% correct, a mutual love and respect between to people can make a solid relationship possible but you have to be true to yourself and the other person and show your hand up front. I personally know people both male and female that have been left broken hearted because of someone playing games. Best wishes

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        • CoolSimone45 says:
          Posted: 17 Jan 12

          You have said a great deal and I am sorry but I see no point in most of it. I like you am a history enthusiast but it certainly did not help with the caliber of black men that I appeared to consistently run into though perhaps my location may have had something to do with it. I know tons of black women that prefer to date other races because as they said trying to find a bm that is committed, honest, ready for marriage, supportive and respectful, will value you is like looking for a needle in a supermarket and a bw can go from 20-50 and still be looking for her bm. I think it just depends on what works for you period!!! I've noticed in your profile that you are interested in dating white women, etc, and it appears that the majority of black men here are interested in white women, latino, mixed race women only, everything except the women that look like their mothers. I've viewed very few profiles from bm that said all ethnicities are welcomed. As a matter of fact, I have cancelled my membership effective next month.

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          • NOPLAYER says:
            Posted: 18 Jan 12

            I respect your right to disagree but I admire the fact that you were able to disagree and not become disagreeable. I know and clearly understand that location and other factors lead to both BM and BW dating IR. I also understand that IR dating doesn't always lead to marriage for BM or BW. Dating is like shopping for a suit, you try on a few until you find one that fits but marriage is a whole new ball game. A shortage of men dosen't mean that there's none available, yes it increases the competion and prolongs the search but it just wrong for BW to keep pushing the myth that theres no good BM out there because if thats the case where do Latino, Asian, Native American and WW find the very men that some many BW say are not out there. Did these women marry dead beats and bumbs? Did they settle for just any old thing the cat dragged in? I think some of us out of fustration stop looking for the truth of the matter and just go with the flow of popular opinion. I'm constanly looking for answers to the questions. Why are there so few BM that are ready are willing for marriage to BW? What happened in society that the marriage rates of AA's dropped from almost 80% in the 1960's to less than 50% in a matter of 40 years? What conditions are causing fewer BM to marry? What is leading to the bitterness and hatefulness of BM and BW towards eachother? I guess I'm a who - what - when - where - how freak. I'm not giving into these myths because I know there's something going thats bigger than both of us and thats why I wont waste my time attacking you personally, now I'll attack your points if I disagree but never you personally. Thanks for reading my profile but allow me to correct you: I don't have a dating preferences, I only have pen pals and friendships selected. I listed BW ( both AF-AM and non AM), Native AM, Hispanic, and WW. I be would surprised to find over 20% of BW or BM that have BW or BM listed amonst their dating preferences on an IR dating site, if so why would they be on an IR dating site? This is why I find it crazy to attack people for their dating preferences on an IR dating site or to use who someone else is dating as a reason for your preference, it's not necessary. I don't think BM or BW joined an IR dating site to date someone the resembles either of their parents. Once again I appeciate the style in which you disagreed and I wish you nothing but the best in your search Respectfully

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          • CoolSimone45 says:
            Posted: 19 Jan 12

            Thank you for your response and the way that you've stated it. I would like to make a slight correction and addition to a couple of my points. I am aware that this is an IR dating site because I am on it, well until the end of the month, but in terms of black men wanting to date any other than bw, I should have said that I have found more black men on this dating site than any other dating site that I've looked at. Interesting huh? Also, in terms of ww and any other race but bw finding decent black men to marry, I would have to make a couple of points. First one being that you would have to walk in a bw's shoes to really understand. Second, through the years, I have heard ww state that bm behave as if it is an honor to be with them, treat them better and feel as if they have a prize, and that bm feel as if it somehow increases their status in society to be with one of them. Hence, wealthy black men tend to gravitate toward ww. I've been telling folks for years that bw like diamonds and furs, and living well too. We are all not just cut out for struggling and than being left. LOL.

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          • NOPLAYER says:
            Posted: 19 Jan 12

            @ CoolSimone45 It’s true, I haven’t walked in BW shoes but I can say that I understand very well how feels to be betrayed, undermined, made to feel that you’re not good enough, unequally loved and appreciated, and taken for granted. I know what it feels like to really love someone, to deprive yourself and to give your all, only to have them prove their ungratefulness by turning their back on you in a time of need. I don’t have to walk in BW shoes to be able to relate to that, just wearing my own is sufficient. LMAO I wont deny that there are some serious issues between BM and BW but I don’t think it’s a dreadful as the main stream media hypes it up to be. These folks play on the anxieties and frustrations of people. If you want to increase the sale of hand guns what do you do? You constantly feed people images of violent crime on the news and quote crime rate statistics nonstop. I’ve found that people have a fascination with numbers but they fail to question “the idea” behind the numbers. You can deal with the numbers all day long and get the number to pan out but if you look closely and analyze “the idea” behind the numbers and the creditability of the people compiling and quoting the numbers often times you’ll find that the numbers add up but “the idea” that the numbers represent is still a lie. It’s not like these folks don’t have a well documented history and track record of using numbers to distort the truth in relationship to African Americans. Here’s an example: according to the statistics 42% of BW have never been married. Those numbers don’t look good at all. Here’s the trick, they include all BW 18 and older but if you look strictly at BW 35 and older the number drops to only 25 % that have never been married, leaving you with 75% of BW that get married before they turn 35. If you raise the age in your analysis you get rid of the age groups of women that you normally don’t expect to be married and that way you get a more accurate estimate of the true marriage rates of BW. I used the same number as the main stream media, I just didn’t use the numbers to paint BW and their marriage rates with an evil stroke. Yes we (BM BW) have problems but when you add in the lies, the myths and the propaganda it compacts the problem. Let’s not forget about how quick we are to believe the worst about each other. Most of the negative behaviors that undermine marriage are acted out by a minority of BM and BW and not the majority. Keep in mind these folks get paid by selling books and getting TV ratings so now everybody and their mama is getting paid preaching gloom-n-doom about BW and their marriages rates. If profit is a motive then you should automatically view what these folks say as suspect. What the hell are these folks talking about, America as a whole is seeing drastic declines in her marriage numbers, you can’t even apply for a marriage license without the clerk giving you the business card of a divorce lawyer along with the license but I guess it makes better news to keep the focus on BW? I’m sorry but I just get so mad about how so many of us take everything these lying dogs say as the GOSPEL TRUTH, now let me go and take my HBP medicine before I have a stroke! I wish you the best in life and in love!

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          • scandiblond says:
            Posted: 26 Jan 12

            I seen plenty of bm looking for all ethnicities. I agree it's about what feels in your heart and i have found THE bm that goes beyond my wildest dreams. He is a package that comes with everything!!

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        • Cheerful2011 says:
          Posted: 04 Feb 12

          This is so true! I have date a few white men who just thinks it's ok to date me but I am not good enough to be wife material.... That is messed up! I'm only good enough as a show piece and nothing else..

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          • NOPLAYER says:
            Posted: 06 Feb 12

            @ Cheerful2011 - Sad to say it, you have people out there like that both males and females from all ethnic groups. You have to be on guard and here are a few "red flags" to look out for: 1) They avoid taking you around friends and family 2) They don't have a history of IR dating, newbies could very well be "trying it on for size" and who's got time for that? 3) They don't have IR associations outside of work, if they don't mix and mingle with people of other ethnic groups thats gives me an uneasy feeling. 4) They allow friends or family to say racially insensitive things around you and they fail to check the hell out of them and then get you away from those people. 5) Hear what they tell you and not what YOU WANT TO HEAR!!!!!!!!! I leave number 2 and 3 up to your judgement, those are my personal views but 1 and 4 are flashing red lights! Don't give up keep on looking!

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  49.   bolobikko says:
    Posted: 13 Jan 12

    I have no problem with black women dating white men especially since it is no longer working between black men and women. But white women should feel free to date black men and help them. After all, they are the mothers of the white men who have enslaved and tortured black men! That is one way for them to wipe out their guilts and future karmic consequences. This is for intelligent and smart white women to understand! LOL!

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  50.   NOPLAYER says:
    Posted: 13 Jan 12

    I can appreciate Robin Thicke having the balls to go against the grain by admitting that “everything that glitters aint gold!” I’m sure he’ll catch some flack behind that. Let’s not get caught up in his and Paula’s marriage as the ideal IR fantasy because we all know that’s not the way it is for all of those who date / marry IR, they’re an exception and not the rule: 1. He’s a wealthy white male and she’s a wealthy black woman 2. They’re both celebrities 3. She’s bi-racial (so-called) with a white father 4. He primarily associates with Blacks and he probably sees both sides of the coin 5. She has a white father so I’m sure she’s been exposed to both sides of that same coin I’m beginning to see IR relationships being used as a political tool in the hands of racist as a means of trying cause a wider gap between black men and women. What’s the message being sent? 1. Black women can only find love away from BM 2. BW are enemies of BM 3. BM can only find love with non-BW but particularly WW Come on black folks, let’s think for a minute. Ask the critical questions that need to be asked and don’t be afraid of the answers: 1. Who benefits from all of this IR hype? 2. When has the media ever promoted anything that’s favorable to Black people? 3. If BM and BW cant get along together, what makes them fit to get along with others in an IR relationships? 4. Why are only drama filled and dysfunctional relationships between BM and BW depicted in the movies? 5. Why have IR relationships become so common in movies all of a sudden? 6. Why are healthy relationships between BM and BW almost taboo in the media and in movies? Peep the game for what it is, how do you demonized BM and degrade BW wholesale and then try to suggest that they are better off being with everybody else but each other? I’m sorry but this doesn’t add up, if BM and BW are bad for each other then they should be bad for everybody else and what sense does it make to put them off on someone else? That’s ridiculous!! Are they saying that black people are so messed up that they cant stay together so if they’re to have relationships they’ll have to have them with non black people? Is this a sneak attempt to imply that Black people are inferior and they must be saved from themselves? What are these folks trying to say? Is this an attempt to victimize us with our own desires for love and companionship? Or have we as Black people become so caught up in the idea of finding love and being in love that we let our guard down and allowed racist people to try to convince us that we’re somehow inadequate. Have we forgotten that these are the same people that have lied on and lied about us from day one and now we’re to believe that the leopard has changed its spots? This is a classic example of being hit upside your head with your desires by your enemy!

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