Science-Based Dating

Posted by Ria, 16 Nov 15

Dr. Duana Welch is known for applying social science to real-life relationship issues and is the author of "Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps from I Wish to I Do", the only book that applies science to your love life from before you meet until you commit.

The Cheat Sheet:

  • Learn the four Attachment Styles and what they say about you and your relationships: Secure, Anxious/Ambivalent, Avoidant/Dismissive, and Avoidant/Fearful.
  • Your perfect partner could be online right now...

    What are you looking for?

  • How can you change your attachment style if you want to, and why do some opposites get attracted even though they’re dead wrong for each other?
  • You should be pessimistic about being single instead of being in a relationship because it’s probably going to kill you faster than being in a relationship.
  • Married couples live with a much longer time-horizon than cohabiting couples.
  • Science is about odds, not about certainty.
  • And so much more…
  • Science shows that, much as we think career matters, it’s not nearly as great a source of life satisfaction as having a great partnership. Who you choose, whether you choose at all, and what type of relationship commitment level you choose…they all have great bearing on your happiness, and even on your success in life.

    Science can show a pathway toward better relating that leads to better outcomes across the board, from better (and more) sex, to more money at your job. Is there anyone who doesn’t want all that? Dr. Duana Welch, author of Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps from I Wish to I Do, is here to talk to us about love and science.

    Duana finds that we all exhibit a certain attachment style — a habitual way of behaving in a relationship with an intimate partner or with people we’re close to. There are four attachment styles; even if you think yours is a combination of two or more, just pick one you tend toward by answering in the way that seems most natural:

    A) I find it relatively easy to get close to others. I am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me. I don’t often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to me.

    B) I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I worry that my partner doesn’t really love me or won’t want to stay with me. I want to merge completely with another person, and this desire sometimes scares people away.

    C) I am uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely or to depend on them. I worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others.

    D) I’m comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me.

    Listen to this episode of The Art of Charm to find out why cultivating an attachment style that promotes interdependence plays a key role in positive mental as well as physical health, how science weighs in on the whole “opposites attract” maxim, why love gives many of us a reason for living (even if it doesn’t conquer all), what happens when different attachment styles mix, and — perhaps most important — how we can make the change from a B, C, or D attachment style to A.

    Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert and coach. He is the co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company. If you're interested in The Art of Charm residential programs, apply for a strategy call with a coach. You can also interact with Jordan on Facebook or Twitter.

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